Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

I'm translating all this into the situation of Efrat and her friend.
Efrat is indeed trying to "empower" her friend,
though she knows that she is "enabling" her friend's victimhood.
So the word "empower" in "Godchannel"'
against which I've fought so fiercely with the Channelers,
is correct after all, i.e. - it has a shadow side!
Just in this moment Efrat called me -
"let's use the situation (Mika was with Tzillah, the neighbor) to talk!"
(about her decision to enter a "dyadic therapy" with Mika
about Mika's anxieties
and about a book of Alice Miller, which she had given me to read,
and which I didn't find beneficial for myself,
and that 2 years ago I read Allan Carr
and she didn't make use of my work,
-"but I'm saving money to go to the Allan Carr workshop , together with Tzillah")
But before we started with this,
I told her the insight about negative "empowerment",
saying, that I never thought of this before and she said:
"Oh yes, I always knew,
that by acting as an enabler for my friend
I was giving myself the feeling of power.
It was not from altroism."
"But why then do we feel guilt, when we stop being enablers? What is the feeling that guilt is covering up or denying?"
And answered myself:
"The need to "enable" victims to stay victims,
comes from our need for feeling moments of power.
but if we would be whole, love ourselves, have self-esteem,
we would not need these moments of feeling power."
"Yes, and it doesn't help us anyway,
because self-esteem, self-love is not acquired
by enabling the victimhood of others.!"
[see wikipedia : Enabling , and there the "external link: Compassion vs Enabling"]

..... And it was during these 2 hours with Mika,
that I did feel, what I was scared of ,
"lack of intensity" and as a result of this feeling,
the more severe "feeling" of guilt: "You are ungrateful,
everyone else would be excited with happiness,
to be with her grandchild in a situation without stress,
You really don't deserve all this goodness in your life.".
Of course, I could find things and people to blame,
but that is not the point.
It was a situation which I wanted to totally feel.
And in feeling it totally and in accepting both feelings,
I could discern, that the feelings were not fixed,
but vascillating and fluctuating on a skala, let's say, of 0-5,
0 being the most intense feeling of lack of intensity and guilt
and 5 being the feeling of full-fill-ment and wholeness.

Still I felt relieved (and again guilt of ungratefulness......),
when Efrat came and announced that both would go to Talli,
Efrat's former colleague, whose daughter Ronni is Mika's friend.
It took some time, till they were dressed, a time which Mika used,
to continue with her last game of treating me as a prisoner in chains,
but then they left.
It was almost dark and I wondered
if it was expected to me to take Nella down.
Or, on the other hand, if I should remind Tomer
of what I had suggested yesterday,
that while he is here, he should make it his task,
to always take Nella down, [forgetting that he uses this chance to smoke]
just like I so far made it my task, when I was here.
In the morning he sleeps, so it's still either my or Efrat's task.
this time, for the very first time ever,
I did not volunteer to take her down.
I thought, it is good,
that Efrat goes outside at least for these few minutes.
This was a very hard decision,
for Efrat either asks me directly to take Nella,
or "radiates" in an indirect way, that she would be happy if I did.
But I too, have to learn so much still,
in order to not "enable" people.
I told myself, I'll wait 5 more minutes,
though Nella seemed to be desperate.

And lo - Tomer, without having to be reminded, took her down.
I then asked him, a) if he wanted to "do" something with me,
like seeing another movie, to which he! - invited me on Thursday,
and if yes b) if - instead of seeing a movie I hadn't seen yet,
he could crop out the passage of the story with the detective,
who to me seemed to be the only one in the movie "Crash",
whose shadowy side was not depicted.
"His shadow was that he was too busy to find his brother!"
"But no! Tomer, that was, what his mother claimed!
His shadow was
that he enabled his mother to go on with her addiction,
and to idealize her criminal , absent son,
while blaming him, the good son, for the thief's death. "
Tomer wasn't keen neither on (a) nor on (b) , but suggested,
he could download the movie to my computer,
or - since I said, I didn't want to see the criminal scenes again - to explore the movie on the Internet.
And this, indeed, I'm going to do now.!

Guilt is not Love

pp33b
"There once was also great Power in his Love,
but the power caused him guilt.

"Long ago the God of Love denied his Power.
He sensed that Power was unloving.
He felt guilty
that his Power could sometimes be limiting to others ~
so he relinquished it.
He denied his power
because he believed what guilt had told him.

"Now he knows what I have always known-
that guilt's voice lies,
that the voice of guilt is not the voice of real Love.

"The God of Love knows now
that his guilt was the result
of not measuring up
to a predetermined standard or ideal.

"Loving Light had held for himself the standard of perfection,
and then he judged that he was 'wrong'
whenever he failed to meet perfection's test.

"Now he knows that ideals and even perfection itself ~
are what have been 'wrong.'

"And he knows that the lie of guilt ~
is in the assumption
that the standards he judged himself against
were 'right.'

"Perfection and other ideals do not evolve.
Yet Creation and Deity by their very nature
are ever moving and changing,
becoming more ~ evolving.

"Real Love does not desire perfection
or anything else ~
beyond simply what is.

"With Real Love
it is only the beloved herself
that is desired ~
just exactly as she is in the moment.
Imperfections, warts, and all.

pp35
"Deep in the center of my presence I know
that Love, Real Love is complete in itself ~
it requires nothing else.
Only being is necessary.
Power, however, has always required
some kind of action, some kind of duty.

...

But empowering [power-seeking?] Light .....

pp33b
"The God of Love has realized his mistake.
He knows now
that he'd let guilt tell him
he should deny his Power ~
and his denied power had then overcome him,
pushing the Loving Light away
where Desire couldn't find it.
...

pp35
" Loving Light doesn't push or demand ~
Real Love makes itself available
and asks nothing in return.

"Love is now beginning to own its Power.
...
"More and more, the Spirit essence in humans
who are doing the healing work
is aligning with the God of Love...

 

 

From Abraham's Vortex : e-mail quote on January 29, 2011

I Can Always Enter My Vibrational Vortex of Creation...

The key
to getting inside your Vibrational Vortex of Creation;
of experiencing the absolute absence of resistance;
of achieving complete alignment
with all that you have become
and all that you desire,
and of bringing to your physical experience
everything that you desire
- is being in the state of appreciation -
and there is no more important object of attention
to which you must flow your appreciation
than that of self.

 

1:00 PM
I cried tears of joy, when watching this short video
about "a new spirit in Egypt"

It is so quiet in my sanctuary – even my landlord-family has gone away for 3 days to Eilat (little Lior will performe there with her belly-dance-group). We had such pretty little interactions, for instance: Amit came in at 6 PM, with some food, "can I stay with you a little while?" What a radiating starchild he is, Amit, who was still in his mother's womb, when I came to live in the one-room-flat beneath the family. Since his sixth birthday will be on Febr. 14, I already told him, what kind of gift I have in mind for him: renewing the paint of some furniture, especially my little wooden bench (retrieved from a garbage place at Metzoqe Dragot in 1998), which Amit's mother likes as much as I do, and which, therefore, I lend her during the dry season so she can place it in front of her door). Like his father litte Amit is already a skilled artisan, and we rightaway checked what paint I still have , and since we couldn't open the tin-box, we forcefully drew a hole into it and poured the content into a glass vessel. Then came Ofir, his father, to take the rent for this month and I asked him for technical advice concerning the painting-project. Also Lior had come to my door, with another little dish of food, and we exchanged info about my two birthday gifts for her on Jan. 29. (s. above on Jan.27) My grate-full-ness for these landlords is again overflowing.

It is also quiet cold , 15 degrees in my room, so that I moved my little electric stove to a closer socket (thanks to Ofir I have plenty of sockets in my one room!) .

I already walked to the pool in the morning, so that for the rest of this one day at Arad, I can focus on finetuning to my present in the presence of YOU, My Cosmic Self.
Since the planned "interactive" time of the last 6 days was not, what I would voluntarily stage in my life, I know, that YOU had your intentions with this period, in which too intense and not enough intense experiences and feelings swept me along. I never was out of touch with YOU. Even the two times, that I – strangely enough – let "Small Ego" govern my attitude and behavior for a few minutes, YOU let me "replay" on the spot - though by then I hadn't yet received the great advice of "Replay". And YOU even gave me the chance to share what I had "done" with the young woman, who attracted me into her drama for a few hours.

I'll begin my finetuning with this experience with Aya, though it may not have been the most important in these 6 days:
[ I preceded this work with some sleep, and am still dead-tired . And since I asked YOU to lead this finetuning and not let me fall victim to my judgement pattern: "I should be consistent and proceed orderly", I'll lie down again, until Your voice will be so strong, that I return to this work with zest-full-ness!]

13:45 It's not sleep that Body wants as much as it wants to move and twist in all directions. And then the reply to MS phrased itself (Febr. 10, 2011: since we are only just beginning to build trust with each other, I'm not exposing our correspondence for the time being: MS is a man, age 30, German-born, living in Texas, who has been reading Healing-K.i.s.s. for over a year and now feels, that he could become the kind of "Peer" [see now, Febr. 17, the 4th love song], for whom I longed,when I set up my website in 2001
Godchannel, simplified and personalized
for myself and for my potential peers
who want to heal into wholeness

 

 

And now YOU guided me to the two wondrous songs, sung on Itamar's Bar-Mitzva:
The first one : BROSH, "CYPRESS",
performed by Jonathan (guitar) and Yael (clarinet and singing)
I'll learn and sing it by heart and insert it in SongGame,

This was the song, which Jonathan, Rotem and Yael rehearsed rightaway, when we arrived at the place near Kibbutz Netzer Sereni, where the Bar-Mitzva would take place, [a very interesting, intriguing historic place , that has different names...] long before the guests would arrive. Even while listening to the song the first time, I was completely taken by it. Jonathan had arranged it for himself (guitar), for Rotem (singing) and for Yael (alternating between singing and playing the clarinet). Yael hardly opened her mouth, but when I began to encourage her, her sister said: "she is alright, she doesn't need help!" I felt shamed. Still, when – much later – it came to the real performance, and Yael, by chance, sat next to me, I gestured to her, when she stood up to go to the front, how she should open her mouth and face with full self-confidence. And this she did: it was a pity, that Rotem didn't join in singing, since she had to hold the mic for Yael – a pity less because of the sound, more because of the symbol of a trio – but since Rotem had her own show, I could take it. In any case, it was fantastic, And now I found the lyrics, I found 4 performances with Eviatar Banai (since I was told, that they liked his style best), chose the clearest one and recorded it on my digital recorder, so I can learn it, while walking to the pool. Such wondrous lyrics, such woundrous music, only the sound of the trio was not recorded to my regret.
Then I lay down again, palming my eyes and letting Body do its work of integration of all I feel and think and sense.

I also looked for the other song, which gave meaning to the entire celebration: two women of the "Learning Community" had ornamented the staircases and the halls with flowers and huge barks of trees, on which was written the chorus of this song: Angel birds above you accompany your steps,
It was sung by Sarit, a member of the "Learning Community", to which Itamar and his family belong, and with whom I had close contact, when - in 2002 - I taught them Bible&Life.
The lyrics are deep, but the tune I don't like enough to learn it.

Of course, I could tell YOU much about the beautiful celebration and the not less beautiful party afterwards, with dancing of the kids (28 of Itamar's mates) and some of the grownups, including me. But this is not a diary. And real "finetuning" is only needed for two events with my daughter:
One: she said to me - even twice at different times: "I'm so happy that you bought this dress! It is extremely pretty (see Learn&Live 15>Jan. 17, 2011), everyone talks about it. Tomer said: "Savta seems to have a real breakthrough!"
And though I suffered immensely in those shoes, and accepted my daughter's boots, which she had brought with her in case she herself wouldn't be able to dance in her high heels, I was grateful to YOU, that you had pushed me towards buying what I had never bought in the last 15 years: a dress and elegant shoes.


The other issue, which needs finetuning,
is actually a massive, compelling theme:
"I and my children". See my song for Immanuel:

Isaiah 8:16-18
My daughter was elated throughout the celebration
and when I drove home with her and three of her children, and the next day, when we had a short conversation in the kitchen and again when she drove me to a junction, from where I could hitchhike. "Many people were congratulating me regarding my kids!"
And, indeed, that are plenty of reasons
to be happy about these grandkids.
But for me it is more.
For me, the German-Christian born,
daughter of a Nazi soldier
killed by American soldiers in Sicily, in August 1943,
while millions of Jews were slaughtered and tortured
in Eastern Europe......

Still at Arad, on February 3, 2011

16:00 I thought of a sign which points towards the integration of male mind and female feeling: In the BigBrother Show, there is constant fighting among some women. Yesterday three of them were seen in the "Confession Room", each one separately, but the editor was alternating between showing them: each one crying , each one judging herself harshly for having anger let spill out so many hateful words. One of them, Frieda, even said: "I hate myself when I am like that!"
When seeing a person from the inside, every judgment falls away. And only compassion stays. There was also some outside reconciliation between the two women, who so far were the worst enemies: Frieda and Dana. The problem is, that nobody helps these women to move their feelings without damaging themselves and others. And who teaches them, that not the person who triggers them, is to be blamed, but that they themselves are attracting triggers to point out holes in their wholeness, which now want to heal?This is still perturbing me: that people lack the most basic information. Why was I given it and they were not? And why can I not pass the info on accept on an obscure website? And only rarely face to face?

Which brings me back to Aya, and the cohabitants of Lior and Tzippi in a rented flat in Jerusalem, – Hanaani and Shaqed. All Four are visited often by neighbors and friends like Aya and Achinoam.
It was on my second evening, when I – in my constant dilemma - "should I make myself available and risk to trigger them, or should I be content with what I had achieved already concerning Lior and Tzippi and simply stay in Lior's room – chose the former. I heard Lior and Aya, Tzippi's friend, and Achinoam, Aya's friend, in the room of Tzippi. Tzippi had gone out to the very special "Soup-Restaurant", where she works and where we had been the night before. Just before Tzippi had finished her first treatment (a holistic body-mind-soul method) of a friend in her room, "first" meaning, that she now feels confident that she can minimize her job as a waitress and build up her personal work as a therapist. Before that friend was due, and before I went out to travel to the graveyard of my mother, Tzippi came and showed me two pretty cloths, which she wanted to hang up so as to separate her bed etc. from a space for treatment, a mattress on the carpet. When she demonstrated, what she had in mind, I – a born "architect of the interior" – showed her, how she could improve her idea a lot. She was grate-full and was happy, that I had a part in her new way, not only by supporting her determination and courage, but also by helping her set up the exterior stage. After more than 3 hours of treatment ("Tzippi be careful with setting boundaries!") she left, preparing the mattrass for Aya and Achinoam to sleep on, since she would return only after midnight.

As I said, I heard the three young girls talking , went over to them and asked, if I could join them. Lior said, "yes, though" looking into the direction of Aya. Only the next day I heard, that Aya had confided in her, that she was afraid of me. But in that moment, she didn't want to object to my quest and so I found myself a place among them. Soon I observed myself getting into a real dispute [in this case about the Dead Sea Sect and their purpose- see in my book] – something which already at the time of my marriage was so far away from me, that my husband once screamed: "you are always evading dispute, one simply cannot talk with you." (Of course, if I had argued back, it would have been a disaster, but my "Partnership-Way" demanded from me to always look for the common interest, mutual trust and equality of self-respect, and this does not go hand in hand with disputes and arguments. I'll tell soon, how I got out of that. Still, after some time, all three girls dispersed and I went back to Lior's room. I felt, that I was not really wanted after all, and I had no problem of ego with that, only the dilemma, what YOU wanted from me!

Later that evening, when lying on Lior's bed, while she sat at her desk with her laptop, and studying old clippings of RUOW, which I had brought with me, I suddenly had an idea concerning the "free time", which would await me the next day, before I would have to meet my family at Modi'in in order to drive with them to the place of the celebration. Wasn't it "logical", that I should meet with my brother-peer, Ya'aqov , at Modi'in? For some time I listened to YOU carefully – after all there was no crucial reason for interrupting the "freezing of our relationship" on Nov. 4, 2010 for the sake of maturing and ripening "something". But YOU encouraged me and so I took my mobile phone and went to Tzippi's empty room in order to sculpt an SMS with utmost caution.
It so happened, that Aya came in to use Tzippi's separate bathroom, and when she came out again, she said to me: "Why don't you join us in the livingroom?" I was surprised, I was glad, I was doubtful, but I joined them : Hanaani, Aya and Achinoam.

When there was an opportunity, I asked Hanaani: "What did your parents have in mind, when they gave you this strange name: either "(God") had compassion on me", or as the diminuation of the name "Hanaan"? "It's the first", he said and added slowly: "I have great difficulty with my name." Then he quoted a short verse from the Bible, but didn't know the source. What followed was so absurd, that I have to confess it. The verse included the word "yesh", which means "there is" (like: "yesh li shem: there is – to –me – a name", which is the way of Semitic languages to say: "I have a name").
I said: "Since 'yesh' is used only in the late biblical books, the quote must be from Ecclisiastes (Qohelet) or Proverbs."

In that moment Lior – who didn't really feel like studying in her room – joined us and I asked her to bring her laptop and find the Hanaani-verse in the Bible. And lo – what a double amazing fact: the verse appears in the very first book of the Bible, in Genesis 33:11, and is put in the mouth of Ya'aqov, when he urges Esau to take the gifts, he, Ya'aqov, needed to give him, so as to be sure, that Esau had no longer any resentment against his cheaty brother and would not be his enemy, when Ya'aqov would come back to their common homeland. [see my 3 pages sequence of "Jacob wrestling with himself"]

"I know this story by heart!" I said, "or so I believed!
The story of Ya'aqov and Esau is one of the two crown-jewels in the fantastic treasure-house of "my" Bible
(the other is: Cain and Abel).
When I was teaching grownups for many years, in Israel and even for a semester in Berlin, it took me four double lessons to teach this story, and now you, Hanaani, proved to me , that I skipped this immensely important verse:

"Abraham", from a workshop in Boston 2002

The reason you want every single thing that you want,
is because you think
you will feel really good when you get there.
But, if you don't feel really good on your way to there, you can't get there.
You have to be satisfied with what-is
while you're reaching for more.

"GIVE YOURSELF A REPLAY"
Maureen Moss, World Puja Newsletter

Beloveds, there are barely words to describe the times that are ahead of us in 2011. No one will be able to use his or her logic to make sense of anything we are about to experience. There will be no time to think as the months ahead take us to the very edges of our being, and the razor sharp edges of duality.

No one will be able to plan his or her life ahead of the absolute moment they are in... believe it. Not one of us will be able to change one iota of our life by changing anything in the world external, though we might think we have. Those were the days my friends, before, not now.

We stand vulnerable now, like volcanoes, waiting for circumstances to antagonize an eruption, to blow out everything that stands between us and God.

Being armed with self-love, and the ways in which to activate it in a nanosecond is essential, if we are to withstand the many eruptions that lie ahead. And, if we are to succeed in our ultimate goal of ascension [into a higher frequency], whose very underpinnings is self-love.

Asking for a replay is a powerful way to activate self-love, and one you will find useful in the months ahead.

On our heels, days are coming of grace (big one on February 11, 2011) followed by six eclipses and planets changing signs quicker than the speed of light, along with minds and emotional bodies.

You may well redefine the meaning of going out of your mind as you find yourself going from feeling oh so connected, (to several dimensions and God and everyone else on this planet at once,) to where in God's name, is God? (Attempting to make a complete and grand entrance into your, and everyone else's Divine Footprint on this earth plane, is where.)

So when is it going to stop? When we are in a resurrected state of consciousness, having fallen deeply in love with ourselves and each other.

Utilizing replay is going to help you get there.

Each time you find yourself in a moment where you are struggling to love yourself or another, then give yourself a replay.

Whenever you notice you have been harsh, critical and unloving toward yourself (or any other, since it is one and the same) literally say to yourself,
"I am giving myself a replay.
I am going to re-create this scenario, right now.
I am going to consciously act on behalf of myself
in a loving way, right now.
Through replay,
I am going to speak and act toward myself or another utilizing my highest consciousness,
my I AM consciousness, right now.
No excuses. No delays.

I am going to bring every part of myself
that has ever been in creation
into one Unified field of love, right now,
in spite of what I have said, thought or done,
even one minute ago.
I will not justify myself, nor blame any other,
any energy, any planet, any solar flare or internal flare
to move me out of love.
Period.
I will have a replay, right now."

To help you: whenever an unloving act occurred that involved another, sincerely ask that person to please give you the opportunity to replay something you may have said in haste or in anger, resentment or in fear. Be vulnerable. Be authentic. Be willing. It's all part of self-love.

Two things happen when another is involved and you ask for a replay. First, you intentionally place yourself in a higher frequency field, as you have changed energy, and second, without forcing anything, you create an expanded awareness of a re-creative action for another to feel into and implement for themselves. Can you imagine what that consciousness and love could do to shift the planet?

Before you hit replay, start by taking three slow and steady breaths in and out. ...

Without judgment, or justification just notice what was created from you (by words, thoughts or actions) outside of the space of love. And then consciously re-create it as an action of great love, be it for yourself, or another. Behave as the God that you are.

As you take this action, you are setting up a new template of Divine behavior inside of yourself, raising your frequencies above the planetary adjustments and getting closer to zero point and resurrection. After all, isn't that why you reincarnated over and over again, for a replay?

Alrighty then, here's where you choose the opportunity to replay in every moment so you don't have to keep coming and going so often.
    

HARMONIC ALIGNMENT : TOWARDS THE GREAT FEBRUARY 2011

Archangel Michael through Celia Fenn

....

Now, since many will be feeling "symptoms" of the energy shifts, we will share with you our perception and understanding of these processes within your Being and your Bodies. At this time, the Galaxy is coming into what we will call "Harmonic Alignment". This means that all the various Levels and Dimensions of Light are moving into a Harmonic Alignment of Light and Sound that reflects the internal coherence of Divine Light. This creates the most beautiful Celestial Tones and Overtones throughout the Galaxy as the Galaxy aligns with her Twin Flame Galaxy, Andromeda, and then aligns with the Cosmic Heart of All Creation and Light.

Yes, Beloveds, a Grand Process of Light, Love and Infinity, but the same process is now taking place in your own bodies and the various dimensions and levels. Your Physical Body and its DNA is aligning with the Earth Codes and all the levels of Physical Creation, while your Soul is aligning with Spirit and all the levels of Cosmic Creation. These two processes meet in the Heart, from where you feel and hold the Ancient Wisdom and the Infinite Love that moves you through your evolutionary processes.

At this time, you are simply aligning all the levels of your DNA, to the point where you have activated all thirteen "strands" or levels of DNA available at this time. The thirteenth strand or level of your DNA Light Codes connects you to your Cosmic Heart or Origin, deep within the Cosmic Night of Creation's Memory. As you make this ultimate connection of light, you access all the Wisdom and Love of the Infinite Cosmic Creation. So, it is little wonder that you may feel shifts and reverberations of these processes within your physical being.

Now, you may say that you do not, at this point, have access to these levels. You may feel that you do not know any more than you did yesterday, or last year. But, we say, Beloveds, that you will not access this information with your mental body and your finite minds. The mental body alone is not able to hold this information, it has what you might call a "limited capacity" for information storage, as it is confined to events within linear time. This is, of course, the purpose of the mental body, it was designed to facilitate experience within third-dimensional linear time, it was never intended to be the defining element of your existence.

... The Diamond Light is like the "DNA" of the Cosmic Creator, it holds the Infinite Love and Wisdom and Light of All that comes from the 13th Dimension and carries the Tones and Overtones of Cosmic Love.

In this process of Harmonic Alignment, Beloved Ones, every level of your Being is in the process of aligning with the Tones and Overtones of the Cosmic Heart pulses. You are becoming Awakened and Conscious expressions of Divine Love. ...

The Divine Feminine Energies
and the Embrace of the Cosmic Mother

Beloved Family of Light, as you have moved towards this process of Cosmic Harmonic Alignment, you have been assisted by the supportive Love and Nurturing of the Great Mother, the Divine Feminine, through the waves of the incoming Shekinah Light. ... Now, as you move into Cosmic Harmonic Alignment, you begin to experience the Embrace and the Love of the Great Cosmic Mother who was known to the Ancients as Ma'at.
Ma'at is the One who holds the Cosmic Balance of All That Is. Her name is pronounced "Mayat" or "Maia", and her "children" are the Mayans, those who are the Galactic Keepers of the Wisdom of Time and Balance. ...

The Symbol for this Great Being of Light is a Feather!

This indicates that she is the "Lightness" of Being
and that she Floats and Flows
with the Cosmic Winds of Creation. ..
To enter into her embrace
is to enter into the Heart of All That Is,
and to experience the Lightness of Being
and the Flow of Cosmic Time
within the "boat of millions of years"
as the Ancients called Planet Earth. ...
[see my 1989 song, "light Iam and I am light",
but so far it's been only theory....]

When Ma'at enters your life she assists you to hold the balance in your Heart and in your Being. She is Balance, and she assists you to manifest that balance in your life. She assists you to maintain that Lightness of Being and to Flow with the Winds of Creation and the Cosmic Waves of Light from the Great Cosmic Heart that initiate Creation and Evolution in the Light. Beloved Ones, it is possible to ride these Cosmic Waves of Light with the Elegance and Grace of a Feather in the Wind, if you just allow yourself to be supported and all times by Divine Love and Grace.

The Incoming Waves of Light
and Expressing the Fifth Dimensional New Earth

... As we have said before, the key moment in this Spiral of Creation will be on the 11th of November when the Earth makes her alignment for the 2012 Event. But, the waves of Light that will assist this process will begin to be felt in the month of March that approaches. ... along with this there will be an acceleration of the disintegration of the old energy grids. This will manifest as renewed pressure on the Economic System, for it is this system more than any other that holds people in the old limitations of fear.

.... Remember always that your power lies in your infinite being and your ability ... to manifest that which you need. You are powerful and loved, and you are Love.

So, by the Equinox of March, you will be feeling the intensity of this Wave. And, you will float like a Feather on the Waves of Cosmic Light into a New Creation. New ideas will come to you, new connections, new projects and new communities. For, these Cosmic Waves are the Energies of a New Creation and a New Earth. So, we urge you, do not focus on that which is falling away, but focus rather on that which is rising and coming into Manifestation - a New Earth and an Age of Light!

Why was I so wrong about the appearance of the word "yesh" in the Bible?
A word which I "once" deemed so immensely important?
Why had I never paid attention
to Esau's "I have much" and to Ya'aqov's "and I have everything"?
And why did this verse come to my mind after I sent that SMS to Ya'acov?

It also turned out – when Lior had opened the concordance to the Hebrew Bible on her laptop -
that "Hanaani" is a name, not even a rare name, yes the name of a man who appears 3 times,
first as "Hanaani, the seer", Chronicle II, 16; 7
then as "Hanaani, the visionary", Chronicle II, 19:2
and then simply as "Hanaani", Chronicle II, 20: 34

While I still tried to digest what I had learnt, Achinoam, who so far - also when we still were in Tzippi's room - had been focusing on knitting a woolen cap for Aya, said:
"Names are important for you, right?" and then talked about her own name, Achinoam, which has a pretty sound, but no meaningful association (she was one of the wifes of King Saul and later one of the wifes of King David...)

After a while of dedicating time to this name, Lior asked: "What about the name Aya?"
That was, when I let "small ego" carry me away. Since I had taken the position of an interpretator of names, I immediately rushed on to say, that Aya in the Bible didn't have a positive meaning.
"How do I know? By chance some time ago a woman , who lives in Germany, loves Israel and has chosen to rename herself as "Aya", found "Aya" on my website and wrote an e-mail to me. So together we checked what she already had found out herself, until she wrote: "but aya in Arabic is nice…" "
The Aya which sat in our circle, opened her mouth and said softly: "Aya in Arabic means "sign" or "omen". And I like the bird "aya" ("though it is a predatory bird?" Someone asked ).
I felt ashamed rightaway, and from that moment on dedicated my attention wholly to Aya, a very beautiful young woman, half Yemenite and extremely charming and conscious.

Hanaani, by the way, had long since left the circle, and I knew, that I had become too much for him.

The next day, when I had the chance to see thim sitting in the open door – despite the rain – which I wanted to pass, I said: "I would like to see the drawing you made of me , when we talked about your name." "Oh it's not your face at all, which I drew. And in fact, now I'm sorry that I fisfasti (missed out on) drawing your face, since it's very spectial". I said humorously: "Since you missed out on me altogether, it doesn't matter! There will be another time of meeting each other!" He seemed to agree to my statement, but after a while, when I was talking to someone else he said: "I didn't miss out on you totally!" "That's right! In the beginning you did not!"

I was glad, that YOU gave us this little chance to be honest about what we felt towards each other. And this lead towards a more important chance for a "REPLAY"!

During the night, which I spent alone in Lior's room, I felt very judgmental towards myself concerning the two "ego-jumps" towards Aya. How come? This was not me at all. Already 27 years ago Mona said: "I've never seen a person with so little Ego like you." But even if Aya has staged me as "a trigger for a hole in her wholeness that now wants to heal", I still must take responsibility for having been staged like that. So I asked YOU to give me a chance to what I would now call "to replay those two scenes".

At first it seemed, that YOU had not listened to my quest, for when I first saw Achinoam, around 9

o'clock in the morning and asked her: "Where is Aya?" she said: "She had to leave already!" But then YOU did give me the chance. It was after several significant talks with Lior – and our pretty experience of going out into the central streets of Jerusalem, passing by the "Talitha Kumi" doorway (she didn't know the story about Jesus' resurrection of this "girl" ['talitha' in Aramic], nor about the former orphanage (since 1860) and – in the "Mashbir" of King George St – buying a Boiling-Water Can , which I wanted to give that community of students as a gift (they seemed to waste much time on heating water on a gas-flame time and again). Just when Lior parted from me to go to her studies in the Sam Spiegel school for cinema, Tzippi got up from bed , and just then – Aya came back to the house of the Four. .

After a last and short dialog with Tzippi – who agreed wholly with what I pointed out: "you also escaped a bit from me, didn't you?" "Yes, I know, I know, I'm in some kind of regression, I'm not in touch with my feelings as I used to be. That's why you had to come here to remind me", Aya joined us , and I immediately used the chance for "REPLAY".

"Aya, I feel ashamed about two scenes yesterday: when we were sitting in Tzippi's room and entered a discussion about the Essenes, that Dead Sea Sect, and their purpose, I suddenly realized that I was opposing your knowledge with mine. And only when I saw, how you stood up to me – and that's something I like very much – I could let go and ask you instead about what you, Aya, could teach me, concerning the Essenes, and concerning the 6 day lonely walk on the "Shvil Isael", which you have undertaken. Except that you said at one point, that what happened to you during that lonely walk was difficult and you didn't want to talk about it. So I understood, that you did not trust us and could not take advantage of the opportunity to be really listened to by me and by Lior. And that I had to withdraw from you.

" But then you yourself invited me to join you and then I made an even bigger mistake: When Lior asked ( why hadn't I asked myself, by the way?), what about the name "Aya", - instead of turning to you and listening to you, I spit out my experience with that German Aya and all the research that I had done about that name."

"Yes", said Aya, "it hurt me, that you said negative things about the name "Aya".

This was the moment to ask for her forgiveness. "I'm very sorry, Aya, and even though I then turned to you and agreed with you about the pretty Arabic meaning of the name, I know, that I had been insensitive towards you."

It was time for me to go (since I had fixed an hour with Ya'acov at Modi'in, not knowing that he would be quite late, and since the battery of my mobile phone was empty, could not inform me – but the – a bit sad - story with Ya'acov must not be told here and now…) and both Tzippi and reconciled Aya wanted to accompany me to the busstation. At some moment, when we were alone, Tzippi said: "This was a very good process – that you could share with her, where you erred!"

Yes, indeed! Even though it's "classical", that someone attracts from me, what s/he is afraid of – I am an aspect of her, since we are one, and she has attracted me not only as a trigger, but also as the one, who helps her heal the hole that was triggered!

The article "REPLAY" talks about unlovingness! I cannot detect unlovingness in my thinking, feeling or behaving towards other people. I only see myself as "the No. 1 –Trigger of the World', as my friend Tamir once said, and I'm doing everything not to come into the way of someone who might be triggered by me. But this fear, too, attracts what it fears of. And when this happens, then I must put my request to YOU: please, always give me the opportunity for "REPLAY", the more so as I know, that such "REPLAY" on my part not only puts to peace a situation of tension, but is the way, another person can understand what I know and what she yearns to know too, much better than by my theoretical teaching.

Still on February 3, 18:17
Again – I lay down, palmed my eyes and let Body breathe and yawn and moan and twist and turn, wriggle and worm. It's finally pleasantly warm in my quiet room, quiet, as if there was nobody else in the world but me.

And again I let YOU lead me to what I should finetune to.
The first thing I want to once again and totally become aware of, is the "lekhi-lakh", which I asked my two starchildren to decide on, "lekhi-lakh" from Christa-Rachel.

I hinted at this step already during the phone-talks which preceded my extra-ordinary visit in the "Community" of the four students. Lior Oren was only eleven, when she attracted me into her drama, while I was living at the Eingedi Fieldschool, of which her father was the director and who had agreed to give me refuge. And though there were years of separation, she always came back to learn and grow through me, but also with me, for there were times, like when I left the Walk about Love 2009, that she was the one who supported me for hours and hours, not the other way round. Tzippi was not yet 16, when she "found me", a day after I began my period on "Rakhaf". "You were preparing the ground for putting up your triangle tent, with your partners Tamir and Hagai Lev, and I heard you singing: "Two are better than one". [see the song] And then you asked me, if I already knew my vocation , and when I said: no, you said: that's alright, my famous father-in-law, Franz Rosenzweig once said, that "great men" find their vocation not before the age of 27." We laughed, when she re-told this story now and I said: "At this accelerated time it will not take you until the age of 27, and moreover, both you and Lior already know somehow, what your vocation is."

It was at least 2 years ago, when I first tried to mediate between Tzippi and Lior, believing, as I believe today, that they would make a wonderful team for healing themselves and Creation. But they did not see each other. A month ago the staging from their Cosmic Selves led them to live together in the same flat, in the same community. And still my desire was not fulfilled. Lior felt inferior to Tzippi, and "you, Tzippi, simply don't see her!" But now it will be different – please help! – they both understood, that living in that "house", that community of Four – with the other two, Hanaani and Shaqed, who probably are also starchildren - will help them to melt away the fences between them and to begin to support each other and through this also teach her companions and the friends of all of them, to learn to mutually support each other. "You do not need Christa-Rachel any longer! You now have each other and must turn to each other!" I emphasized ever so often.

YOU even gave me a chance to talk to the fourth companion, Shaqed, whom I had intuited rightaway as a fitting piece in the puzzle of the Four, but with whom no exchange had taken place during those 48 hours of my presence in "the house". I don't recall, with what words YOU inspired me to make her feel and understand that it was not by chance, that she was living in this "house", and that it was the time , that she would be honest with everyone about the pain and anger she was often feeling (since only she and Lior take responsibility for the household, for shopping, cleaning etc.) and that Lior would help her doing that in a fruitful, not in a destructive way. I also said about her name: "You know, I'm living in a neighborhood that is called Shaqed, almond! There is a biblical prophecy about shaqed!" "Really? What does it mean?" "I don't remember now, but it must have something to do with the fact, that the almond tree is the first to blossom , even when it's still winter."

Now, when I looked up the prophecy it wasn't a "good" one at all, but a warning, actually the very first prophecy - Jer. 1:11-12 - given to Jeremia, after the assignment as prophet was forced on him. My student sermon at Heidelberg University in 1962 was about what was called "Jeremia's initiation" ("it's the best sermon, but since you don't mention Jesus, you are not allowed to hold it in the church but only in the classroom with your co-students!…). I don't remember, if the verses about the almond were still included in the text I was given to interpret.

Still on Febr. 3, 2011, 18:51 Now is the time to talk about another REPLAY. In this case it was me who had to give as much opportunity as possible for the REPLAY of others with concern to me.

Since we are all one and anyone's unloving behavior towards me is my concern just as it is the concern of the one, who is triggered and therefore behaving unlovingly, I ask YOU now, to help me to be extremely exact in my finetuning.

Perhaps I'll first tell a scene, which seems to be a REPLAY on my part, but actually belongs to what I'm calling "giving others a chance to replay their behavior towards me".

It had to do with Jonathan, the firstborn of my daughter, ……..for the day of his recrution on Nov 29, 2009 -(See about my process with this recrution) I had written him a paper letter, in which I had invested many, many hours, and to which I had attached a check of 300 NIS. Efrat saw the envelope and asked: "Are you sure, this is his address! Better ask his mother!" So I asked his mother and she gave me another address. Yet – the letter and check never arrived! Nor did a short SMS exchange show me, that he was interested in either letter or check. I let go of both. Now I met Jonathan again, for the first time after at least 15 months. His father had brought him by car from a military basis , far away in the western Negev. "You would like it there", was his only sentence to me, referring to my love for the Desert, but also hinting at his utter dislike for that place. When I mentioned towards my daughter: "There is such pain in his eyes", she affirmed, that the place and his work there as a medical were desolate, and that he also had separated from his girl-friend. "At this age a boy needs love, love in his life, there's nothing to be done about!" his mother said.

My attempts to interact with my grandson during the Bar-Mitzva, were of poor success. And when we all sat together in my daughter's home after midnight to attend Itamar's unwrapping of the gifts and blessings and checks he had received, I noticed, that it was difficult for Jonathan to see, "that every year the Bar-Mitzva celebrations become more pompous and the gifts ever bigger". I made the mistake to say: "Did you see the satiric program: "a lovely country", where last week they had a clip about the Bar-Mitzva inflation?" Only my daughter responded – dryly – "we were angry at the show [because some racism in it] and did not continue to see it". I was grateful that she didn't fall into the trap of being triggered this time, as she had some 10 minutes earlier, when I was explained what an "I-pod for touch" was (the gift from the family branch of Itamar's father). "There are 32 Giga-bytes for songs, movies, television, Internet, dictionaries etc. etc.!" I uttered a sound of amazement: "tsss!" and my daughter got so triggered (exactly the same way as my late sister in earlier decades...) and screamed: "what do you mean by 'tsss'!" "that they develop things like that!" I explained and that is what I meant. What she had feared was, that I meant, "what a waste of money on a gift for a 13 year old". She relaxed and from then on was even more careful with not letting herself get triggered by her mother, and I, of course, did the same – as I had done during all the hours of being in each others' presence – to be a cautious as possible with uttering any comment at all, but on the other hand also to prove, that I didn't feel an outcast, but as a member of the family. Both, my daughter and I, had to play like acrobats in a cirque. But that's what we had become aware of , when we had that short conversation, for the first time in her house, on December 12, that famous day of storm and rain…

For the first time after seven years I stayed overnight in this house. I went to sleep in Yael's room, and got up at seven, since she had told me, she needed to take things from her room before school. At eight Yael as well as Rotem were already out of the house, and seeing Jonathan asleep on the sofa (like a soldier without even a proper blanket), I sat at the kitchen table, hoping I would find the balanced solution for my going away – not too early, not too late, and with the right person. Rotem, who had another appointment with the army about her future two years in the army – after the "Year of Service" in social work (in Jerusalem, in a project that is called "ba-kehilah" = "in the community", which is work with children of poor neighborhoods) seemed to hint at the opportunity, that we could travel to Tel-Aviv together. But though I would have liked to be available for Rotem , too, I decided to give her mother a chance to be with me at least for a short while.

At 8: 30 Itamar came up from his room, and soon after also his father and elder brother were moving around. After some cautious questioning I understood, that Jonathan wanted his father to drive him not back to the base in the desert, but only to Lod trainstation.
This would have been the perfect chance for me to go back to Arad by train and bus. But they did not suggest anything, and so I decided again, that I should stay on , in order to be a little bit with Itamar, and then to give my daughter a chance.

But I also gave myself a chance, just before Jonathan left: "Jonathan, you know, that my letter to you, in which I had invested so much time, never arrived, and I feel certain, that it was not supposed to arrived, since it might have been "too heavy" on you. If in a few years you'll want to read it – I've saved on the computer, what could be saved of this creation. But now I at least want to give you the money, and with a little interest!" "No, leave it!" he said in a tired voice. But I urged him and he took the 380 NIS, I offered. I was at peace only when his mother later told me, that she knew that he would very much appreciate this "giving him attention". From which I understood, that she herself appreciated it. This – together with her appreciation of the dress I had bought , and the very fact, that I bought it for this occasion, - and the appreciation of the camera, which I bought for Itamar, was the first time that she not only praised me for something, but actually related to something I had done. Thank YOU!

Now Itamar told me about the "Lego"-spaceship , that his uncle, his father's brother, had brought him from Zurich (he explained, why it's so much cheaper to buy "Lego" abroad) , and finally opened the box and started to construct, though he actually had wanted to go to school. "My friends said, they would kill me, if I wouldn't come today". During this time – perhaps an hour and a half I felt again "lack of intensity", though there were a few tiny chances of valuable interaction with Itamar. Still, it wasn't easy. But then his mother got up, was around in the kitchen, cooking coffee for herself, and actually sat with me for a little while and then, when driving Itamar to school, also took me to a junction, which was convenient for me. She even would have taken me to Lod trainstation, if I had wished that. But I preferred to hitchhike, especially since finally the sky was blue again and all the rain-soaked fields and forests gleamed in strong colors.
All this time I was aware, that this was – thinking in human terms – the last opportunity of being with this family in Modi'in. There are no "events" ahead, no reasons to come in contact with each other. But I feel at peace and whole with this. We succeeded!!!!!

17:00 PM
Now even this weekend and travel is "behind" me,
or better, has become part of the treasure of my life.
Immanuel came back from London
(where he with two staff member checked his Simulator-teaching program),
and though he had to sit among the passengers with crying kids and didn't get any sleep,
he brought Mika to kindergarden and me to Ben-Shemen junction , from where I hitchhike.
We had a good talk during the 10 minutes, esp. about "getting older and forgetting things".
And the hitchhiking with 4 drivers was as interesting and satisfying as mostly.
The last car was a taxi from Dimona junction to Arad for 20 NIS! I'm proud,
that I really did make use of the chance: I was cold and the taxi stopped and after he said: 20 NIS,
I actually jumped on it, remembering my 12th December lesson!
And the talk with the driver, - "Arad-nik" since 1973 – was also good.
Then I went through with buying some vital items – something I had postponed for quite some time:
a pruning-shear (from China) for overgrowing shrubs in "my" garden , slippers for the pool (also from China), so I wouldn't be attacked again by that woman for walking barefoot to the Jacuzzi,
[but if I need a trigger, I need a trigger, and any effort to avoid, what could bring it, is in vain:
2 days later she did attack me, only because I had placed the slippers under a chair 2 m from the jacuzzi and 2 m from the pool...]
Propolis medicine for little wounds (I've yet to tell the shoe-story of Jerusalem), of which I had run out since many months, and also milk and bread and persimmons, one of my favorites fruits, and not more expensive than apples. Finally I entered the pool, to swim, swing and sing and on my last stretch home, throug h the Wadi of Compassion, I practised the two Hebrew songs "if life is an unsolved riddle" [TV show for the Variety children}, and "I saw a cypress alone on the field" (Duett of Jonathan and Yael).

At home! In my castle! In my warm sanctuary! With no program or any obligations for the next 12 days, except the promised creations , one with little Lior, one with little Amit– my birthday gifts for them.

After such enormous effort ever since Dec. 12, meaning so much exterior interaction, and the determined parting from my grandmotherhood and from my obsessive photographing, expecially for "Mika's Heaven on Earth" , I am now truly free to follow through with my "one-tracked" thread of "Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self", hoping, that this Present will contain as little exterior action and interaction as possible.

And that's where I now turn to YOU, my Cosmic Self. As You know, there is one new event in my life:
MS, who turned to me for the purpose of "healing together into wholeness". He stood the tests of my letters, and I would really give this relationship of learning together a try. But the gap in equality is immense, not in "frequency", but in life experience. He was born only in 1980, i.e. he is 42 years younger than I am, and though I've practised equality with my starchildren who are 50 years young than me, I've just parted from them, since I feel myself to be "overwhelming", "overbearing", "much much too much", for them and also for MS. On the other hand I am aware of the coincidence with my renewed separation from my Brother-Peer and the appeal of MS to fulfil at least the beginning of my dream about Peers. What should I do? Is it no illusion this time? Should I really dedicate my time, my knowing, my love to a total stranger, who is so far away from me in time and space? Why he? Why now? Why should I again take upon myself the "walking humbly with your God" [see my tune to the biblical verse] with a specific individual, one out of 70 000 000 on this planet? Now that I've parted from every single actor in my life, except from my friend Yanina, and even with her I talk only once a week on the phone for an hour, and not every Shabbat, since she is so often at a workshop, - why should I just now engage in a new attempt to "heal together"? YOU know, I want to do this with my Brother-Peer, but he is not ready, so why do YOU bring me along another man, with whom a partnership relationship is out of the question from the start? I feel, I'm a bit angry, and definitely frustrated and though MS arouses respect , compassion and even a little love, I don't feel that I deserve this "doing with less"!

YOU smile and say:
"now You've exaggerated! Why are you so sure, that you are ready, you, you, for your brother-peer? Perhaps it's you who has to go through some other lessons to make you ready to not only "walk humbly" with him, but to not walk at all, since he cannot walk physically? Perhaps there is till too much natural , but overpowering power in you, which no mental decision can deal with, a power, which has to become humble by experience, not by willpower? Can it be, that MS was sent to you, so you may "practise" with him, what you never had a chance to learn, since in truth all your actors had to put a distance between you and them so as to not be overwhelmed? "

As you are pointing out my dire life-long predicament, I feel hopeless!

"That you feel hopeless is no reason for not grasping the opportunity which I have brought into your life! You must take it as the central lesson of your life now , and learn how to communicate in a "sculpting' way, just like you try to communicate to an anonymous audience on your website.
Remember: "people have to be shown small steps to turn their lives around". You did not succeed with this on the exterior level, the physical level, but when you hitchhike, you have no choice but showing people small steps. Now I'm giving you the opportunity to humbly walk , day by day, with a few lines in corresponding only with MS. Open up, bow your head, walk slowly on the earth with this aspect of "God" , born in Germany like you, but living in Texas, a man, not a woman, a young man, in ardent contact with "God". Bow your head, because it's you, who have to learn here more than he has to learn!"

I get YOU, thank YOU. I'll sleep over it and begin tomorrow to plan my lesson! Today, as usual on days of travel from Shoham to Arad, I'm so tired, that I have to choose an activity on Computer and Internet, which doesn't demand much thinking or feeling. I'm glad and grateful, that YOU gave me the strength to listen to you, write blindly and come out with a great insight!

12:28 I've sculpted my letter to MS. I've restudied the page about my "writing-Lava"
(K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_10_19) and I'm "free" to feel into a pain, which I find strange:

Yesterday evening I had 4 TV experiences – four! Not one! Not two! Not three! – which at first made me very happy, but now, that I explore the first experience on the Internet, I suddenly feel deflated and a miserable worm: The Or [=light]-Movement and all they have accomplished in 8 years, and I had not even heard about them ! Though their central idea of "settling" the Galilee and the Negev – including the provision of employment, education and culture – is not the same as my "Peace through a Vision about Desert Hosting Economy" – both initiatives have many things in common. So why do they succeed and get all the help from everywhere, and I didn't?

The same question pertains to the other 3 experiences. In a daily program in Channel 23,
"Ha-Mo'adon", the Club – there was an interview with a woman, Orly Bar-Kimah, who is very successful in empowering women [her book "Opening up to Change", her website: "Keys for Change in Life], and another interview – not at all related or adjacent to the first one, - with a man, Amnon Hirshfeld, who "trains people for life" and who is very successful in empowering people in general, by helping them to overcome their fears.
[All 3 interviews appeared in "Ha-Mo'adon", and the entire program was repeated 2 days later!]

Then, in Channel 2, the reality-program with Alon Gal : "mishpakhah Khoreget" -[see my enthusiasm about this man and this show concerning former seasons!] began its new season, and, of course, it was a spectacular example of the empowerment of a couple and their business.

As I said, yesterday I was simply joy-full and grate-full , that my desire is being manifested, though not through me, and though decades after I invested superhuman work in manifesting my desires myself. But at this moment, while being overwhelmed by the achievements of "Or" (which means "light"), I keep asking YOU, my Cosmic Self: Am I not kidding myself, when I rationalize my failures by saying: If I would have succeeded in that exterior endeavor, I would not be free to focus on my real assignment: to heal myself and Creation into wholeness?
I'm waiting, with closed eyes, for your answer, but YOU keep silent…

Go to the pool first and I'll answer you there…

Back from the pool. 14:30 – I heard YOU clearly:

It's good, that you had a chance to breathe and moan and vibrate a still existing hole, be it ever so tiny. And now to what those 4 experiences really do tell you. You are not kidding yourself concerning the connection between what your hole calls "failures" and your assignment. But you must expand your perspective a lot. Remember the sentence, which you read some 40 years ago and which was so helpful:

"Some people's failures are eternities beyond other people's successes."

" But you understood it from an ego point of view and you can leave this behind now.
From a non-linear perspective there evolved a "soil" which gave birth to your desires , and it was the energy which you gave to these desires and to manifesting them, that intensified the fertility of that soil, so that now other people can give birth . Your ego-self was a pioneer as in many other areas, but your ego-self does not need to see "success", as you know.

"Another aspect of the success of the four stories is: as in your own successes – and there were some after all – there is still much denial present and if you would check all the aspects of those successes , you would see even the damage those denials cause already. This is also the reason, why you did not even hear about the "Or" movement! Your pain would have been greater than your joy. The only thing you have to do now that you are a bit informed (and more info is not necessary for you) is, that you radiate on all these – truly wonderful – people your desire, that they may heal into wholeness and that their creations may be as whole as possible. The very fact, that you can see the "right" that can be celebrated, will intensify what you radiate! And if you still feel an ego-hole, then remember Lao Tse's passage about "The Great of Earth":

Thank YOU, my Cosmic Self! And there is no ego-hole anymore, there is only the gladness about other people's maturing into feeling the same desires as I felt long before them. And the fact, that young people invest their enthusiasm not in settlements in Palestinian country, but in the Negev and in Galilee, is reason enough for joy. Recently I read on my website, that – at the end of the eighties, I think – someone appealed to the government to let them build a settlement on what today is "Modi'in", and was told: "the government only encourages settling in the "Territories". – Now we have Modi'in, the town, and Shoham, the town, and the "Or" settlements inside Israel.

And "empowering people" has become a trend! When I , after I finished my Ph.D. and was ready to manifest my dream about Work and Man, met all kinds of people and authorities to learn from them, or to win them over as partners, there was hardly a person who even understood what I wanted. The paradigm which saw people as "needing employment for making a living" could not grasp, why "satisfaction in work" should be a criterion for "living"....

"The great of earth,
How softly do they live
The lesser ones it is are praised, revered;
Still lesser, feared;
But these,
One hardly knows that they are there,
So gently do they go about their task,
So quietly achieve;
When they have passed,
Their life's work is done,
The people look ans say:
It happened of itself..."
It's under the lamp next to my computer, where I keep this quote,
given to me by my friend Yanina on Nov. 11, 1982,
and on it the references to "The Voice of a fine silence" ,
- see how often I quote this experience of Eiiyahu -
and to "My Servant does not yell on the streets, but..."
see my song

8:07 AM
Yesterday should have been my first "free" day, free of any interactions.
Instead I dedicated some 2 hours to writing to MS and in the afternoon I worked with little Lior
for an hour and a half on the creation which I had proposed for her birthday – a new mandala of magnets on my entry door. And since Amit was crying "I also want to go to Rachel", I invited him to come for an hour after Lior had gone. And from 8 to 10 came not only Boris, as planned, but also Tzippi. All the 4 physical interactions were very good, though there were moments, when I wanted to be alone. I'm always ashamed of my ingratitude, always! But I can do nothing but accept it humbly.

Miracles are happening in the lives of both , Boris and Tzippi, miracles of the kind of the four experiences I integrated yesterday, i.e. miracles that show that the quantum leap of evolution is near. I would like to write about it, but I also want to give in to my desire, to not give in to another pressure of "I should write it down , so as to give it more energy". (Why for "God's sake" can't I find a better word for this outworn "energy"? Please give me a new and more exact word – today!!!) (by the way, it was only while translating some English sentences, that I realized and conveyed to Boris and Tzippi, that the advantage of the English language is the non-differentiation of male and female. For instance, if I translate a quote from YOU, my Cosmic Self, into Hebrew, I would have to decide if you are male or female, while I know very well, that you are both. And it now occurs to me, that this may be one metaphysical reason for the world dominance of English? Not German, not French, and definitely not one of the Semitic languages, which differentiate between genders even more! I wonder about the Chinese language, now that China wins world dominance ever more day by day?) [I read a tiny bit about the difference of pitch between the male and female voices in Japan, and one assumes, that like in Japan so in China the pitch of the female voice gets lower and lower – a sign of drawing-near between the genders?]

So now, that I have another day without any program at all, not even the program of writing an e-mail (since the few e-mails which 'demand' an answer can wait ) , I can dedicate myself wholly to growing from my "ego", the individual aspect of the One, into my "Cosmic Self" which encompasses (what a word!) not only all humans, but all times and all spaces and lives "compassion" (again: what a word! ) in every "present" and "present" and "present". "As my Cosmic Self I'm encompassing Creation with compassion." Or: "As Cosmic Self I encompass the Cosmos with compassion" (see "Babylon" about "Cosmos")

9:12 I felt like lying down a bit – and I really did it! Can I believe it! At this hour of the day. I enjoyed the well-feeling of my body, the well-feeling of my soul – nothing to do unless I want to do – nothing to worry unless I want to radiate compassion on someone. Is all this true and real? - I also enjoyed the wanderings of my mind and my memories and finally came up with a knowing – how I want to format my "Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self" on Healingkiss in "Live&Learn2005" on the one hand, and how I want to make the transition from "Mika's Heaven on Earth" to a simple "documentation of my encounters with Mika".
I'm going to manifest these ideas now and during the following days and I'll come back to YOU only if I need your advice. IN the meanwhile , please inspire me concerning these new creations. Let them grow into an expression of "My Cosmic Self encompasses the Cosmos with Compassion".

8:06 AM
Can YOU believe, that during this wake-up-wandering I "already" had tiny fits of fear that I would miss action and interaction, while at the same time giving thanks to YOU with my whole heart, that I, indeed, experienced a day without interaction (except for a small exchange with Albert, the neighbor, when he saw me picking lemons from my landlords' tree, as suggested by them), and that today is another day, and even another week with no interaction in sight?

"It would be unnatural and the sign of denial if you did not have this fine contrast in your feelings. Even when people are completely happy, there is a fine voice which expresses their fear, that it will not always be like that."

But didn't "Aluna" [see above , Jan. 25] promote the concept that in the Fifth Dimension we will not need duality in order to understand and grow, but that the difference of frequencies will do "the job"?

"Since YOU cannot yet imagine what this means, I suggest, that you savor, yes savor, duality in its tiniest quantities. In this case – that you not only enjoy your wholeness, but also explore – with a hilarious smile – when and where you reenact old patterns of feelings and use them to give them a little healing whenever they tell you meekly; "I'm still around! Don't ignore me! Don't override me!"

Is this also the case , when I enjoy being with Mika or with Boris and Lior or with my landlords' kids, but at the same time long to be alone and feel ashamed and ungrateful?

"No! That is an issue which needs a lot of healing still: during your life you've overridden your longing for being alone thousands if not ten thousands of times. Unless you continue to create this new space of just being (though flooded with memories of interactions) – with as rare new interaction as possible and inhale and exhale al-one-ness, the dissonance during even fruitful and satisfying interactions will plague you."

But there was an earlier time in my life: the dreary Sundays when I was a child and I actually prayed for someone to come (though there rarely was a chance that this would happen). And even when I was already a student among students: I remember, how I couldn't bear the one week of "only study", which I had "inflicted" upon myself, and in the evening took my bike and disturbed Elisabeth, a schoolmate, and a student like me. Or a later, almost humbling experience: I had "inflicted" upon myself one entire Sunday of not meeting people, but doing all kinds of pleasurable things in my room (which in that semester I shared with Barbara, but she wasn't there on that Sunday). But when evening came, I yearned for seeing "people" so much, that I went down to the dark street, to simply be among people, though I didn't know anyone and had no chance to talk to anyone. How come, that this experience was turned around into its opposite? And – to be honest with myself – even in my holy al-one-ness in this my sanctuary – I know, that I have to go out at least for an hour (but not more than that), seemingly only to move my body by walking, swimming, swinging and singing, breathing in the desert , sensing nature, seeing the far mountains, but now I think, that I also need to somehow "sense" people in the pool and on the street, though I do everything to not let them come near me. How can I be "whole" with such contradictions in myself?

"Do you have a judgment, that contradictions are "bad"? Then hurry up and release this judgment. Live and love these contradictions and laugh! Remember : "Laughter is the final stage of healing!"
[In order to find the source of this quote in the red RUOW-book as I discovered in pp51 Laughter is the final stage of healing]-
I opened a very moving "Communication with Deity" in Sept. 2002....]

Thank YOU.

Now I want to share with YOU the joyful moments, when I watched "ha-Yafah ve-ha-khoun" (based on "Beauty and the Geek", advertised as "The Ultimate Social Experiment") a reality-show with competition – not between individuals like in "Survival" (a show, which I cannot bear to watch because of the ugliness that shows up in this competition, though the setting – extreme circumstances in Nature - would suit me ) but between couples, i.e. two partners are responsible for each other in order to succeed with the assignments. Also the overall purpose of the competition shows that there is something to celebrate that is becoming right with the world: The couple that has grown into the biggest change, will win.

I'll tell only about two of my "moments with tears in my eyes": Nella had to empower her partner Or, so that he would succeed with the boys' assignment: to teach couples in the outside world, what they had learnt themselves about working on a fruitful relationship. Or had the judgment about himself, that he couldn't do it, and Nella was pressuring him too much. Quarrel, rift! Both went through a process which brought them even closer to their own relationship. While Nella had said before: "we are just too different." She now said: "How good, that we are so different!"

On the background of this closeness between a man and a woman, who in real life would never even have noticed at each other, the surprise of the day was perplexing:
after the usual process of "elimination" – two couples out of three would have to leave the house - the facilitator announced, that this time nobody would leave! Instead the partners of the 3 couples would be mixed, and that it was the winning couple, in this case also Or and Nella, who would have to choose a new partner for each of them. Every single person of the six was distressed to the utmost. I imagined what would happen in such a case in the real world , and I was actually surprised, that even though this was a game, that would soon be over, people who dispised each other in the beginning, loved each other so dearly, that even for the time of the game they didn't want to exchange partners! But they had to, and each new couple had to start all over again in their bedroom , how they would relate to each other.
I must not spell out, what this means – beyond excitement for the audience and the "rating": These people who went to the process of the game - of letting go of judging each other and themselves, are now being tested, if they have grown so much, that they can do the double process – of parting from what finally had become comfortable and cosy – and of letting go of judgments towards a foreign partner (though not foreign altogether, since they had to cope with each other also as a group). Isn't this a sign of "Heaven on Earth"?

"More than you now imagine! The sources which nourish you only talk about the process towards "embracing", not about the necessary process towards "refraining from embrace". How would a couple have children, if the united cell would not split? Why did Original Heart split in the first place, if "embrace" was "the end of things"?
But there won't be pain involved in this "a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing" [a biblical verse quoted by me ever so often, and put in tune not only by me, see "Turn, turn"], if each partner will be a whole being with independent desires and dreams. They wake up embraced, they get out separately to do what they want to do in the world, they come home and share and again embrace."

But what then with co-creation, for which I yearn so much?

"Even co-creation means the work of a puzzle: sometimes you'll, let's say, cook together, but sometimes one will cook and the other waters the salad in the garden. Nor will Cocreation result in one painting, but in a composition of puzzle-pieces, which can dissolve again and create a new creation with less pieces or with additional pieces from other creations. There will not be pain, but there will be constant change! And unless people learn to part from embracing, they will not be able to embrace truly whenever they wish to embrace."

OH, how far are we from there – if I only consider the confession of three starchildren within one week: how hard they have to fight with jealousy, even if they already separated from a partner or do not truly wish for a romantic relationship with him/her!

Can YOU bear with me? I'm still not finished with finetuning to the experiences with "Beauty and the Geek". The assignment of the girls was to teach a group of children about the health of teeth. A professional dentist was present. The kids behaved horridly. "Terrorists", one of the girls called them, and rightly so. This brought me in painful contact with an experience in the early eighties, when my angel , the founder and director of the Academic Institute, where I had been teaching since 1974, first "History of Zionism", then "Jewish Thought", and then in addition to the latter: "Arabic Literature". Yitzchak Peri, who had hired me and always deeply appreciated me, thought, I could also supervise the pupils' practical teaching in classes, and in order to prepare me for this, he suggested that I teach a fifth grade myself. I must have tried this not more than twice, I think. It was a desaster! It humbled me deeply and it put to shame also my "angel" for having thought too much of me.

Even before this experience teachers of kids had my utmost respect, and comparing my own skills of teaching grownups with them, I feel "not worthy", to say the least. Of course, there are many professions, many talents, with which I even don't try to compete. But teaching-kids is different. My judgment against myself says: If I'm not able to teach kids in a class, 'I'm not a very big prince', as the Little Prince said, when he saw 5000 roses, while he couldn't cope even with the one rose on his tiny planet.

"But this is exactly the point! It's like with your "big failures" concerning your two big (and connected) dreams about "Empowering People" and about "Peace through Desert Economy": you are not better, not greater than any other puzzle-piece. Your task in the big puzzle is "simply" to heal yourself, yourself, yourself! Into wholeness, and – as a hologram – all of Creation! And you are living this at this time towards the quantum-leap of evolution. "I know your humbleness, I know your humility, but I'm not letting you get away with less than acknowledging the excellence which you deny!", said Pat Grove to you in "JoySpring" 1987. You no longer deny your excellence, but it seems, that you sometimes have to be reminded of your humility. Like when you were 10 years old and – during the exams for entering highschool were demanded to also go through the oral exams -

Yes, I could indicate the spot in the street, where I cried and said to "God": "thank you for humbling me, so I'll not think that I'm smarter than other pupils!"

"Isn't that great, that you could make sense of your pain at that age? And again, at same sage of then, when that boy did to you, what caused you guilt and shame for the next 4 years, night after night: You said to that priest, who finally relieved you: "God let me have this experience, so I would never judge other people!" He praised you for this understanding, and though the shame was only relieved , and did not disappear until today (see the letter to the Channelers about Sexual Abuse) , you know, even today, that you attracted this "memory", so as to deeply identify with people, mostly women , but also some men, who must live with such memories and cannot make sense of them."

I was so immersed in editing and transferring the entries of Jan. 27 and 28 from "Word" to Healingkiss, and it took so much "time", that I didn't come around to sharing/talking with YOU in real time! There is one "issue" , which I still remember strongly : when – on my walk to the pool - I rehearsed the song "Brosh - Cypress", which I learnt from the Duett of Jonathan and Yael on Itamar's Bar-Mitzva – rehearsed it yet another time… - I again saw the sadness in Jonathan's eyes so vividly, that my heart cringed in pain. And it was for the first "time", that I understood the real reason for my inherent identification with the sufferers (also the theme of my PH.D….): When I let myself be born onto the planet this time, I relinquished the "talent" of "expanding my mind" with artificial means like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or meditation, but I did not relinquish my inborn connectedness to all other "Rays of the ONE Sun", "Waves of the ONE Ocean", "Colors of the ONE Light". And when I feel Jonathan's pain, it's actually my own pain. That's why all advices to let go of identifying with suffering people or peoples, or animals for that matter, found no resonance in me. Nor is this pain connected to being "triggered" or to "holding on to judgments" like my "individual" pain. Of course, I must not get stuck in this suffering, like I must not get stuck in my own. My approach since the birth of my consciousness, between the age 5 and 6, had been: "I must not allow myself to be happy until all other people are happy." It took many decades of my life till I understood, that I have to turn around my approach 180 degree: "Only if I'll be whole and happy, is their a chance for humans to become whole and happy too."

But my question to YOU is: Is there anything I can "do" to ease "Jonathan's" pain except radiating on him: "May you find the romantic love that you seek! May you be placed in the army where you can do a satisfying job, and mainly: may you find the holes in your wholeness and the judgments in your thinking which prevent you from attracting what you desire." And yes, YOU remind me: "I trust you, Jonathan, that you are staging your drama in a way that will bring you to your destination as quickly as possible and with as little suffering as possible."

No, you cannot do more, but if you radiate this consistently, whenever you remember those sad eyes (instead of shoving away the very memory and its pain) , then you are doing your part of redemption and healing!

Thank you!

[later: 11:54: coincidence: I opened SongGame 2007_01_31- redeem from victimhood, dedicated to Jonathan...]

And now to what is most "up" on this morning: Not some pretty things I learnt on TV , which are worthy to be celebrated as what is right with the World [like an interview with the first Arab director of a hospital (Naharia) and the agreement of the authorities (though not yet the financing of it) – that each patient has the right to professional translation, be it into Arabic or Amhaarit or Russian –] , but an avalanche of memories concerning the time-period in Noah's Cave exactly 7 years ago [see diary 11th week] . This time it's my mind which wonders: Who is choosing the timing of healing what part of the countless denials, which have always infected my superhuman doing? Why, after 2 quiet days and several undisrupted nights , I wake up in the middle of the night, for at least an hour and a half , and Body starts to twist and bend and breathe and moan and Mind thinks over and over again, with every new memory: how on earth did I manage all this work, when I left the cave for 2 days, in order to travel , by hitchhiking and busses , to Modi'in and ahead of me an amount of work, which other people would not have managed to do in a week or even in two weeks? To mention just a few tasks or chores: Grandma-Day with the Quartet, [see at least one image inserted in "Noah's Diaries-33rd day") including the sleeping-over of at least two of the kids; the cleaning of the staircase of the three-floor house, in which I had rented a flat, including the garbage-room outside – a paid job, which helped me to pay at least the monthly fee for the house-committee and the elevator, which I myself never used; buying groceries for the 5 days in the Cave and the 2 days at home, as little and as cheeply as possible, since – unlike today, when I live in abundance because of the cheep rent in Arad – I had absolutely no money at all, on the contrary, my children had to pay part of the rent; taking care of repairs and of upgrading the equipment for the cave (for instance, in the first month I had an old typewriter with me, while later the money for a laptop and a printer was donated to me and much time had to be spend to purchase and make work both), then later the chasing for sub-tenants, two women from the Ukraine, and dealing with them in a friendly way, so I could rely on them, while they were alone in the flat; and if all this and so much more wasn't enough: I needed to integrate my overwhelming experiences with and at the Cave on Healingkiss – transfer the photos and compose what is called Noah's Ark and Noah's Shore. Even now, while trying to retrieve some of the memories which made my body jump and moan this night, I feel almost suffocated by the sheer quantity of things I did during those 2 weekly days during the 150 days of my life in Noah's Cave . And I'm not even mentioning the kind and amount of work I did while in the Cave , leave alone the overwhelming experiences – from being flooded in the cave at night to the drowning of my cellphone in an unbearable sandstorm [see the last diary-entry on Febr.23, 2004) till finding my cave without the solar system, the gas system, the tape-recorder, since all was stolen on March 18, 2004.

And now comes my question to YOU, which I asked through all those sleepless minutes and you had no answer for me: Why did I do all this? It failed in the end, like almost everything else I did, except for "the bus" and the "Succayah"! Why this outrageous endeavor , both in the desert of July in Sinai and in a self-dug cave above the SaltSea in winter? WHYYYYYYYYY?

"I answer you with a question: Would you want to miss it from your life? Of course not! Even your father-in-law, the totally paralyzed, speechless, Franz Rosenzweig "wrote" in his last years, that nobody should pity him, because he would not want to change life with anyone else. And in Big Brother yesterday you were most moved by what said El'ad, ha-Gamad [dwarf] (who is smaller than 5 year old Mika) , to the celeb Judy Mozes : 'When I was younger I imagined to be like other people. But even after the parents of my love , a "normal" person, after 5 years of a relationship, tore her away from me, I did not wish to be different from what I am. To be like others, has its advantages, but to be like me also has its advantages, and I wouldn't like to miss those!' "

Yes, but WHYYY?

"You always say to yourself, when you see the horrid dramas of other people, that nobody can know, why they chose to stage them. Often you cannot even know, for what purpose you staged certain scenes in your own drama, like the scene of Sinai and of Noah's Cave. You still need to heal much of those denials which made the superhuman efforts possible, and only then will you get the overall picture, why you – unlike other people's circumstances, sicknesses, relationships or other ingredients of horrid dramas – chose superhuman endeavors as your drama. If your mind would understand this staging already, you might not wake up in the middle of the night with the unconscious assignment to let Body move whatever was overriden and trampled over in all your doing, in ALL your DOING, and in most of your relationships as well, and this though you - 7 years ago, at the time of Noah's Shore - were already well aware of the need to evolve towards uniting Will and Spirit in Heart in Body.

It seems to me at this moment, that I had to "over"-do every doing, before I or the world at whole could relax into simple being and loving!

"Exactly!"

And it's still difficult for me to believe, that my present life is real! All this peace and quiet in this sanctuary, in this town at the edge of Israel, in the middle of the desert, and mostly – the grate-full-ness, which ripples and roars through me from breath to breath!

I plucked a rose on my way from the pool 2 days ago. Now the smell fills my nostrils, even though I sit more than two meters away from it…

8:30 Instead of my cherished TV sequence about the autistic child with his complex family and the sweet Thai laborers in an agricultural village in the desert, I could watch – when I wanted to – how the Egyptian President's speech was "moving" to the Israeli TV editors, but infuriating to the masses on Tahrir square in Kairo.

And I? What is occupying my mind and my feelings? Not the very big principal issue, about which I wanted to ask YOU this morning, but forgot totally what it was about…

It's another of my "ridiculous" issues: the ambivalence of feeling joy – towards the visit of Micha and his children on this Shabbat-Eve, announced yesterday evening – and feeling pressure, especially concerning dinner. I already had figured it out tonight, when Micha called at 7:40: "Ayelet will get her teeth corrected this morning and can't eat anything tough. What do you want me to bring!" I said meekly, that I would manage, but he insisted: "No let us bring you something, we don't want to come with empty hands." YOU can see, how this brought up feelings of insecurity and shame. I've made them get used to the fact, that I'm not the kind of grandma, who is happy to spoil her family with the best of food. They believe that it's because of money that I use the leftovers of other people and buy only the simpliest of groceries. On the other hand I do understand, that my need for "proper" food gives them the chance to come "with full hands". So we decided, that they'll bring eggs and white flour and I'll make pancakes for Ayelet, - but this is "pressuring" because I can't do the frying beforehand, and my small electrical cooking device is so slow, that I'll have to do the work, while we are eating – which means – no relaxation during the meal.

It is terrible to feel the disproportion between the frustrated, even hungry masses in Egypt and my "dinner-predicament"!

"But how else will you eventually heal that seemingly bottomless hole concerning preparing food for people, - most traumatic - for your husband and later for the guests of Succah in the Desert?
It is both – the pressure of believing that you need to please people with your cooking and the self-contempt about the lack of proportion of what you suffer – which gives you a chance to accept the Mother , and while you embrace and move all those feelings, you ARE healing yourself AND the World. Believe it! And stop judging yourself! Whenever making pancakes for spoilt Ayelet in the tiny kitchen-corner of your one-room flat will pressure you during the next 7 hours or so (it's 9:11 now! What a number!), then breathe and blink and relax all the muscles that tend to strain your eyes, [since you work on improving your vision!], give in to yawning and be aware, that you are doing this for billions of people who don't have the time or the strength to pay attention to their "small" feelings. That's your part in the puzzle: Rilke! "Nothing is too small for me and I still love it!"

Nichts ist mir zu klein, und ich lieb es trotzdem und mal' es auf Goldgrund und gross und halte es hoch, und ich weiss nicht wem loest es die Seele los... [Rainer Maria Rilke, listen to my tune]

Nothing is too small for me, and I still love it, and paint it on gold and huge and lift it high up, and I don't know whom will it untie and loosen the soul [first quoted in the Intro to K.i.s.s.-Log 2008]

14:55 I must thank YOU! All the pressure and ambivalence has gone away since I talked with YOU. I decided to skip the pool today – probably the first time in 4 years, when I am in Arad. Isn't that great, that I can break a habit, even a valuable habit? The weather is like in November in Europe: cold and foggy and I want to be alone in my cosy castle, with the work on "Finetuning to my Present in Your Presence", which today included also the recording and editing as sound-buttons of 5 songs!

The only preparation I engaged in was and is to bake bread, which then should be fresh and warm, when they arrive. And I'm truly looking forward now to their arrival!