I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
10:40 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to our nerves and all their parts and functions,
which transmit my needs, wishes and ideas
from our brain to all the many many muscles and joints etc.
in my eyes or in my mouth, in my fingers or in my toes, etc.
I give thanks for the twofold visit
yesterday night:
of Tzippi , physically, and Dvorah, alias Wardit, through
TV.
My compassion for both rose to a tidal wave,
followed by smoother, but ongoing waves of grate-full-ness
for the two "accomplishments" of mature age:
- I know what I want and I do what I want
and I live where and how I want
- I am hidden
from the world, "walking humbly
with my God"
Bible, Micha 6:5
"and walking humbly with
your God"
"Walking Humbly With Your God"
I
think I found a new entry to our
communications!
I shall not address you and you will not address me.
But by quoting these words from Prophet Micha [6:5],
I'll conjure up this memory: Tuebingen University,
Protestant Students' Community,
daily 15 min. Christian Service at noon above the mensa
hall,
Summer 1958, Student
Pastor Hans Schmidt, quotes these
words:
"und
demuetig wandeln mit deinem Gott":
"I have a little son,
3 years old,
if I want to walk with him, I have to walk slowly.
This is how God walks with the world,
[I'm sobbing now]
and this is how we have to walk with God's walking with
the world."
For me this means now to walk humbly with my desire
to find in you the PEER,
whom you desire to find in me.
"Yes! This is your way!
Let me womb you!"
After the pool
and the walk to and fro:
I think , you let me understand the two coincidences
with Dvorah Ilan.
It has to do with Efrat's insight
about that desert-snow-photographer's raging against
me.
"Go on, put it in words!"
People are triggered,
when I use threads of their creation and weave then
into my own.
While I proudly show them "our"
tapestry,
believing, that I uplift them, uplight them,
they feel disowned, they feel darkened.
"Yes!"
Wardit, now called Dvorah, once cut the bond between
us,
when I shared with her the
evolution of her advice into a vision!
I thought she would be elated
and be my natural partner in realizing this vision.
I was grate-full, that she at least could explain her
feelings: "I
cannot be at peace with the fact,
that it wasn't me, who had this vision, but you!"
I understood her and I retreated.
But I did not understand, nor do I understand now,
how I can avoid triggering people
while wanting to praise their ideas and encourage their
creations
by combining them with mine.
"Remember, what Efrat told you 3 days ago,
and what you said about prophets just now !"
I should not give up weaving
other people's threads into my tapestry.
After all, not even you (according to the second Genesis
story)
have created something from nothing, but something from
something,
"adam" from "adamah".
Efrat said, that people might rage now, but later see
my point .
I do not want to be "the number one trigger of
the world",
as my friends Tamir
and Yuval-David laugh.
I never wanted to be a prophet exactly for this reason:
prophets trigger people's rage,
and when people rage, they do not love themselves.
But my purpose on this planet is
to help people accept and love themselves.
"This is, indeed, your vocation,
and it cannot be full-filled by exterior action ,
and mostly not even by exterior interaction!"
I therefore prefer
the "walking humbly with
your walking with the world"!
"The world" may be
that desert-snow-photographer
or Dvorah
or my children,
my children-in-love
and my grandchildren .
And I therefore decide - for instance -
to avoid showing someone a link on my site.
I do trust people's own staging of their dramas,
and their own timing for learning their lessons!
If they need to attract a
trigger from me,
which points out a hole
in their wholeness
that now wants to heal,
they will find it on Healing-K.i.s.s. without me sending
them the link,
where I've woven their creations into mine.
But if they'll attract a trigger
from me without my help,
and discover a creation of theirs on Healing-K.i.s.s
and rage at me and threaten me, as has happened in the
past,
I'll trust them, that they chose this actor, me, for
their drama,
and that they "knew", why they cast me into
the role of a trigger.
People
will grow slowly
and I'll walk with them humbly
- just like you!
"I embrace you, dearest co-worker!"
Synchronicities
When I go
to bed, I usually read a page or so in my "present
book".
But on the Eve of Shabbat I allow myself to blindly
open a page
in a little fat book (842 pages) "Der Grosse Boss",
"The Great Boss"
fantastic parodies of Biblical stories, which never
cease to delight me.
As so often,
the blind opening yesterday produced an astonishing
coincidence.
It was the story about the female prophet Deborah
[Judges ch. 4&5]
and this while I was still pained by last
night's vicious TV report
about "my" Deborah,
- Wardit Bar-Ilan, who had changed her name into "Dvorah".
What is the coincidence telling me?
That Dvorah Ilan is, indeed, a prophet,
and a "prophet" causes pain,
a "prophet"
triggers people
and that is a "prophet's" purpose.
Later:
What about the first coincidence?
Why did Tzippi's sister have to tell her, that this
report was scheduled?
Tzippi hasn't visited me for many weeks
and Tzippi rarely watches television.
When - 3 years ago -she once "caught" me watching
TV,
she was disappointed and later told me: "I
did not know you well enough then,
and I feared, that you are like everybody!" So why did
I need her, Tzippi, to make me open the TV,
and see, what neither her sister nor she, leave alone
me, expected?
After we had come out of our shock, Tzippi asked; "Why,
indeed, did you have to see Dvorah today?"
Wardit: on an excursion to Mount
Hermon and during a workshop,
which she organized for me as the facilitator
during my 4 weeks at Timrat 1987
The third
and most amazing synchronicity
concerning
Dvorah Ilan, alias Wardit Bat-Ilan
When I completed the sculpture above
at 16:00
and was finally ready to start with the third Nebo-Let-Go
page,
planned for this SHABBAT,
I had no idea, that the
nine Hebrew sculptures to be inserted here
would end with exactly this story:
How Wardit gave me the inspiration
for what became "Succah in the Desert"
and my "Vision of Peace through Desert Hosting Economy"
On the first of Tammuz I "went
out"
from the home of my children.
I transferred the bus, which was only half-built,
to the area of my friend's greenhouse
at Ramat-Hadar,
Hod-Hasharon. I had lived there with my
family until our divorce in 1981
Mona
Yahia, still my partner, but at the beginning
of a gentle, very gradual,
agreed process of separation,
will soon paint the bus
I've been asked again and again and again: "How do your children relate to
your craziness?"
I always gave this example:
When Immanuel first heard,
that I indeed intended to buy a bus,
he said: "Imma, this time I'm utterly opposed
to your idea!"
I said: "I understand you perfectly well,
but since I'm going to buy this bus anyway,
will you take over the job of its carpenter?
Nobody else will do such complicated carpentry!"
How did Immanuel work
on the complicated "furniture"
in the tiny space
- 6 m long, 2.30 m wide -
already filled with two water-tanks,
a kitchen sink and a gas-stove?
About two or three times a week Immanuel
managed
to make the bike-drive of one hour
from
Sde-Dov,
his airforce base,
to Ramat-Hadar
and one hour back
through terrible traffic
My
best friend Yanina
had flower green houses and fields
and invited me to park my bus there until its conversion into
a home
would be completed
The primitive machinery
and carpentry workshop
was installed under a shade
that extended from the bus,
electricity was provided
by my friends.
September 1985:
The drawers of the backside bed- which was intended for my
sick mother - have no doors yet,
the same is true for the doors above the sink, which is still
missing as well.
I can see here, that I had a temporary
fridge, connected to the grid of the greenhouse,
the lights and the vents worked on the generator, which also
was connected to the grid.
No solar energy yet!
When I wanted to learn about solar energy already in 1984,
I was told - in the Ministry
for Energy - "Forget about it! it will
never be viable!"
But I didn't forget about it, and two years later I did find
a (miserable) company for Solar Energy,
and did set out on a path too difficult, too painful....to
be described.... [see
below]
Ronnit, my daughter, and Uri, her
later husband, helped me to paint the roof
Mona
has just finished painting the bus - with that great idea
of extending the back wheels in the direction of driving.
The idyll which shows me as sitting under the bus-shade
next to the Bougainvillia plant, which I had transferred from
the flat in Ramat-Gan,
was flawed by my constant worrying about hundreds of technical
problems
which still hadn't found their solution,
and by the horrid depression which set in,
after I found myself without the tasks of a mother for my
children and a nurse for my mother.
In November , when
the rains started to ruin the "carpenter shop",
Immanuel suggested that I join my friend Mona,
who had just emigrated to Germany
and help her - who only 16 years earlier had fled from Iraq
- to get used to "my" former country.
She soon worked on a project in Conceptual Art: hundreds of
pieces of soap,
which would remind humankind, that there were people who produced
soap from human fat...
When I came back, Immanuel - and other
artisans - continued for two more months
to work on converting the old vehicle into a modern mobile
home.
When I finally started to move - in May 1986 - I still had
no solar energy.
I was dependent on parking every 3-4 days near friends,
where I could charge my generator batteries ...
During the following winter - 1986-87 -
I was again in Germany,
this time with an official job for 4 months as a guest lecturer
in Berlin.
While I was away, the bus parked on the
airforce base Hatzerim, where Immanuel was stationed
and where he had the chance and the technical means to complete
the interior of my home.
Immanuel surprised me with excellent completions
of the bus "furniture",
one of them was a desk-plate with drawers (10 cm height) underneath,
placed on one of the two fiberglas watertanks from a company
in Acco,
which I had let made and installed right in the beginning,
in January 1985,
before I even moved to Ramat-Hadar.
The desk next to the steering wheel was photographed in winter
1989-90- after I had moved to the desert,
hoping to slip through the claws of the authorities and start
with creating a "SPS
Desert Economy" model.
This is the time to solve a riddle:
Why do I have to forsake security?
I
"went out" from my homeland, my family, my religion,
my language,
I "went out" from the house of my husband, the wholeness
of my family,
But why did I also have to "go out from the house"
of my children?
I didn't know!
I tortured myself with this question until Succot 1988, when
redemption appeared.
Until then I only knew the meaning of the message in Israel's
history:
a message which is expressed in the terms: "to go out", "to
separate", and "lekh-lekhâ".
and in the parable, which explains at the very beginning of
the Bible, Genesis
2:10
when God places Adam in the Garden of Eden, that "a river goes out from Eden to water
the garden,
and it separates from it into four heads".
If water does not flow, it cannot fertilize, it becomes a
swamp...
See
my song, created during a 3 days voyage in an Indian train,
10 years ago,
and my
recent song, which brings across the message of "going
out" even stronger.
In spring 1986 my house was finally ready for "lekh-lekha".
To my regret - then! - but fortunately - in hindsight!
always something went wrong with the many systems,
be it the electricity, the water, the gas, the driving
mechanisms,
and the destination of my mobility was mostly determined
by searching for "a man with golden hands".
In time I understood that by coming in contact with
my craziness
people came in contact with their own - neglected
- dreams.
My years until summer 1988 were almost too hard to
bear,
mainly because I could see no justification for my
existence.
Three times I worked for several months in Germany.
I was invited as a lecturer and I organized workshops.
If not for those fruitful breaks, who knows....
Also in Israel I succeeded sometimes to do work for
money.
I introduced people to tools
for how to cope with feelings...
But teaching was not the goal of my "lekh-lekhâ".
A workshop with Wardit's and Shlomo's
friends.
June 1987 was the only month in many years with a reasonable
income,
thanks to Wardit
12 sessons of 2 1/2 hours : Relationship-Counseling
with Wardit and her husband Shlomo
August 1987, Ha-Bonim Beach,
south of Haifa
In 1987 my principle
was
to never stay for more than 4 weeks at one place.
That was the reason for leaving Timrat,
and parking near the sea at Ha-bonim Beach.
How amazing, that this was still permitted then!
For my 7x7 birthday on August 15,
my daughter came,
and also Wardit and Shlomo with their children,
In June-July 1988 "waters
reached the soul", as we say in in Hebrew
with the Bible. *I still didn't understand
the craziness of the bus.
* I found myself in a sickly partnership
* I underwent a hysterectomy
I wanted to die.
But Angels appeared on the
abyss -
like always in the 68 (now
70) years of my life!
I parked above the sea - south of the town Herzlia.
Ronnit, my daughter, visited, descended to the beach,
came up and brought with her the director of "Manpower"!
"Perhaps you learn COMPUTER
and work through us?"
I learnt COMPUTER,
I worked as a secretary,
my self-esteem rose slowly,
and with it the rebellion against the whip-of-vocation:
'Vocation, shmockation!
I've enough of searching!
I'll do something which may perhaps serve the world,
even if it's not the most important thing:
the development
of solar energy in Israel.'
What
a fantastic coincidence right now -
on June 14, 2008, while I'm correcting this page: While having my lunch after the noon-pool,
I saw a doc about desertec.org
Is
this "Nourishment from Others"or
"Healing the Past"?
I saw a doc on 3SAT "Nano",
which made me hope that "my time is coming". I don't know where and if I told my
immense involvment
in these combined issues: The development of solar energy technology
and of efficient storage devices. It
was this "vocation"
which soon led to my Desert-Economy-Vision. All these years I haven't heard about
any breakthrough,
and even talking about this subject causes me fury and pain.
Nor do I believe,
that the following double info points to a breakthrough.
What made me listen, was,
that the info was about another woman!
A
woman has a vision about solar energy (video)
"Dächer, die sich eignen, sollten Solarenergie sammeln..."
"Meine Vision ist es, dass alle sehr gut geeigneten Dachflächen
genutzt werden, um Solarstrom zu gewinnen", sagt die
Geoinformatikerin Prof.
Martina Klärle. "Wenn alle Dächer, die
sich sehr gut für Photovoltaik-Anlagen eignen, mit diesen
bestückt würden, könnte man 70 Prozent des
Strombedarfs Osnabrücks decken." Ihre Karte der
Stadt hat gezeigt, dass 20 Prozent der Stadt sich für
Solarenergie eigneten. "Im ländlichen Raum wäre
das Verhältnis sogar so gut, dass man eine Ausbeute von
100 Prozent hätte."
And in the same program of 3 SAT
"Nano":
a possible breakthrough in storing electricity! I am sceptical, for the real problem
with solar energy, is,
that until this day there is no real solution for storing
energy
Günstige
Speicher für Elektroautos und Solaranlagen
Prof. Dirk Uwe Sauer vom Institut für Stromrichtertechnik
und elektrische Antriebe der Rheinisch-Westfälischen
Technischen Hochschule (RWTH) Aachen arbeitet an einem Redox-Flow-System,
um Energie langfristig zu speichern: "Die Redox-Flow-Technik
ist interessant, weil sie vom Aufbau her sehr simpel ist und
eine Technik, mit der man einfach große Energiemengen
speichern kann." Doch die Marktreife fehlt, sagt Clemens
Triebel von der "Solon AG".
Eine Flow-Batterie besteht aus Stacks, die von einem Elektrolyt
umflossen werden. "Aus den Stacks wird Gleichstrom generiert,
wie man es auch von einer Autobatterie kennt", beschreibt
Trieben. "Wir haben keine individuellen Zellen, die mit
Aktivmaterialien verschaltet werden müssten", ergänzt
Sauer. "Es ist auch eine einfache Chemie, mit der man
einfach große Energiemengen speichern kann. Es ist keine
Frage der technischen Möglichkeiten, es ist nur eine
Frage der Kosten."
Das System laufe weitgehend verschleissfrei: Das Elektrolyt
müsse nur alle 40 Jahre ausgetauscht werden. "Sie
hätten elektrisch eine Autarkie", so Trieben. ..."Jede
unserer Einheiten produziert jährlich 10.000 Kilowattstunden
elektrischer Energie - selbst ein Vierpersonenhaushalt mit
kleinen Kindern kommt maximal auf den gleichen Wert."
October-November
1988
Within 3 weeks I absorbed much information,
mainly directly from the experts in the country. I worked out an idea about a village
of scientists.
I traveled to Wardit Bar-Ilan, my friend,
the founder of the first urban settlement - Timrat.
November 1988, rain, daffodils,
a walk in the direction of Nazareth with Asa-el (=God
made), who was born
thanks to my relationship-counseling
work with his parents.
"A village for
scientists?" opposed Wardit,
"We are finished with the policy
of settlements in Israel!
Make something temporary for hikers and tourists:
a pillar of electricity and water for sleeping under the sky."
"See Ahmed! Who guards this herd of cows!
I would like to drink coffee with him!
But since he doesn't take money,
I hesitate to come to him.
"I would like to see
200 Ahmeds in the country,
who would host me for money!"
See
this article about her
