The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]


I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

 



INTEGRATION

or
Eliyahu's Lesson
 [this, too, is part of the Intro to Healing-K.iss. on "triptych" and part of the Biography on .indexJuly2003]

May 10, 2007; last update: April 28, 2008. Scroll to the end of K.is.s.-Log 2008_04_27 - on the Eve of Pesach

click twice click to stop

"And Eliyah walked in the desert ...
and sat under one rotem-broom
and asked his soul to die
saying:
"It's enough now, YHWH,
take my soul!
For I am not better
than my fathers."
[Bible, Kings I, 19]
Since 1974, I had a piano or an electronic organ,
and when a depression would wear me down,
because I never seemed to "do" "enough"
to fulfil what I perceived as my vocation,
I would try to find time (!!!) and play,
and sing with Mendelssohn's "Elias"

But since 2002, see puzzle piece 19b Body's Death
when I spoke the words of only the first "Enough" ,
I have learnt to listen to the second "Enough",
not because the path is "too much" for Eliayah,
and he "simply has to walk anyway"...
but because I'm truly doing "enough" by my very BEING,
and "getting up and walking" and realizing my vocation,
means perhaps~~~ swinging and swirling like a dolphin

click twice

"Eliyah! Not by fire, storms or earth-quakes will you save the World,
but by listening to the "Voice of Fine Silence" within,
and by heart-connecting to your 7000 Peers around you."

 

"Then he lay down under one rotem and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said,
"Get up and eat."
He looked around, and there
by his head was a cake of bread
baked over hot coals,
and a jar of water.
He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of YHWH came back a second time
and touched him and said,
"Get up and eat,
for the journey is too much for you."
So he got up and ate and drank.
Strengthened by that food, he walked..."

Du wolltest wie ein Sturmwind niedergehen
Und wie der Foehn im Tun gewaltig sein,
Du wolltest Wesen hin zu Wesen wehen
Und Menschenseelen geisselnd benedein,
In heissem Wirbel muede Herzen mahnen
Und Starres ruehren zu bewegtem Licht,

- Du suchtest mich auf deinen Sturmesbahnen
Und fandst mich nicht.



Du wolltest wie ein Feuer aufwaerts draengen
Und alles tilgen, was dir nicht bestand,
Du wolltest sonnenmaechtig Welten sengen
Und Welten laeutern in geweihtem Brand,
Mit jaeher Wucht ein junges Nichts entzuenden
Zu neuen Werdens seligem Gedicht,

-Du suchtest mich in deinen Flammengruenden
Und fandst mich nicht.



Da kam mein Bote ueber dich und legte
Dein Ohr ans stille Leben meiner Erde,
Da fuehltest du, wie Keim an Keim sich regte,
Und dich unfing des Wachsens Allgebaerde,
Blut schlug an Blut, und dich bezwang
das Schweigen,
Das ewig volle, weich und muetterlich,


- Da musstest du dich zu dir selber neigen,
Da fandst du mich.

 

E L I J A H U
[Eliyahu]

Martin Buber 1903

"Nachlese" 1965,
i.e. published only after his death
[ Martin Buber, 1878-1965]

translated by Rachel Bat-Adam
1983


and it's here and now,
that the channeling of 1988
needs to be quoted again:
"to be one who works among others
to help them put the pieces together
and not be responsible
for the pieces being put together herself,
is a lesson.
People must be given small steps
to turn their lives around.
Things that are within
their immediate grasp.
She must always give thoughts
to what is their next step
as an individual and as a group
and help them see the next step,
something that can be obtained
rather than shooting for the stars. Depression will result from this
and falling back in to old habits
and lack of motivation."

 

More of the vocation of "Eliyahu"
in the song about "I dreamt a dream"
More of the lesson of "Eliyahu"
in the song about "My Three Peers"
More of the consolation for "Eliyahu"
in the song about "ROTEM", Eliyaha's desert shrub



L I B R A R Y
July 2001 - July2003

A Time of
LEARNING
HEALING
HARVESTING

 

L I B R A R Y
July 2003 - July2006
Three more Attempts
to realize
my Vision of Peace
through
Desert Hosting Economy
InteGRATion
into
GRATeFULLness

Fourfold Library
Set up on Israel's Day of Remembrance,
April 23, 2007

 

 

Lass dir alles geschehn, Schoenheit und Schrecken.
Man muss nur gehn. Kein Gefuehl ist das fernste.
Lass dich von mir nicht trennen.

Rainer Maria Rilke, aus "Gott spricht zu jedem ehe er in macht"
Learn the song

Let everything happen to you, beauty and horror.
One must just go. No feeling is the farest.
Do not let yourself be separated from me.

Rainer Maria Rilke, from "God talks to each one before he makes him"
Learn the song

 

 

 

 

Enhancement in 2011, completed on March 13
Exemplary   I n t e g r a t i o n   of two time-periods in my life:
Diary Texts of 1978 ~ and ~ Desert Photos of Dec.1989-Jan.1992

.integration 2001-2003
.integration.2001-2003
God has Evolved
.integration.2001-2003
My Life's Harvest
INTEGRATION
or
Eliyahu's Lesson

 

 

 

Scattered memories of England
Nora [who is not only Michael Croft's mother but a teacher of Re-evaluation Counseling herself]:
"In a first session with a new counselor I always make him talk about pleasant memories in his life. That makes them feel safe and also brings discharge because of the nostalgia."


I: "Who am I to decide for myself, which feelings are the most important?"
"Pains that are not felt are immediately translated into fears."

I told Yvonne about a dream and she said: "The sink that skimmed over, the neglected house - they symbolize needs that are neglected in you."
In the dream I was trying to patch the ugliness of the room, desperately, with beautiful pictures - without any success. I have to be a wholly new whole woman.

Tim Jackins about Oppression: "The entire society is steeped in this. RC people pretend that they don't have the pattern of oppression, of putting other people down. It's not enough to try to act right. The only perspective - if you face the fact that you have the pattern, too, is to counsel and discharge and not let it happen. There is that subtle way of oppression to leak out of you. But if you discharge, you can start to keep things from being acted out!"

" To interrupt oppression forcefully is often the only way we can do it - for ourselves, for the patterned person, for the victim. To let him see, that life can be different and hopeful."
((But this is not enough to change things, and the way Michael interrupted his father's antisemitic remarks certainly did not win the oppressor over as an ally!))

Tim was careful in defining an oppressor in the stories about oppression, e.g. "His father was troubled in a way, that he always beat him.." "There need to be reassurance that they were not that way innately. They did not choose to be racist etc."
You have to contradict guilt-feelings:

1) Look at the times when you were oppressed - talk about it and contradict the isolation that was connected with the distress. Then step into opposition to that distress: "It's never going to happen again!" "You can have as many friends as you want."

2) Tell an incident when you stood up against oppression! This helps to assure you of what you really are. And if you can't remember, keep your mind on it constantly, try a spading phrase: "I   h a v e    opposed oppression!"

3) You got so lost in your distress, that you either let it happen or actively participated in it. - You don't believe your feelings so much. ...

4) Remake the story, contradicting that feeling, that it had to be that way ,"


Tim Jackins to me: "To work on anger would not help you, because you had to control yourself so much, that you would sound angry, but not feel the distress behind the anger. You better work on the fear: what scares you when others make a mistake, that you might not be able to correct etc.?"

"Some patterns are more functional than others (like compulsive responsibility, punctuality), but not more rational, and that's not where we want to go."

Relationship-Counseling: try to get each person to get a better perspective and to make it possible for them to take responsibility. Ask. 1) What is the situation like? 2) What does it   f e e l   like for you. 3) What do you want the other person to remember about you, when this situation will happen again?

About marriage and RC: All relationships are improved, even those that are ended.

Laughing, when somebody tells something that's not funny at all: "Let them laugh their fear off!"

Harvey Jackins: to prevent loss of leaders: Every group shall assume responsibility for their leaders' counseling and reemergence. "Listen to the leader, what he needs. Then let the leader be excused and let the group come up with a plan, how to counsel the leader........ We've been burning up and using up leaders."

"To pay attention with expectation, delight and respect - this makes the client responsive. By being delighted with your client, you contradict all the distress."

[When we arrived in Israel, I interrupted my writing of memories of the workshops and came back "to present time": describing in Hebrew, what I felt, both:
full-fill-ment and fear:]
4/9/78

 
One of the many tasks in the frame of this totally new creation on earth was, to make pathes.
The very "destination" of my bus was - in Hebrew and in Arabic - "Thousands of Pathes",
according to a song which came to me in 1984, when traveling to the wedding of a pupil in the town "Netivot"=Pathes.

I don't know, where I met these two young men, who - on the photo - make a path to the rock of the Hill of the Angels Flight,
where Dani Kish constructed the first succah, and in which lived our first guest, Irene Sonnabend, till a storm blew it away.
What I recall, with pain, is ,that they belonged to the kind of people, who are attracted to me like moths to a fire and then get burnt.
Though I once - when they conveyed that they were in dire need of my support - took the time and the money and the energy,
to drive down to some far-away place in the Arava, where they lived, just for a two hours support,
they , sometime later, became disappointed by me, I don't remember by what, nor does it matter.
For people who project on me what they want to see
and don't really mean Me, will always be disappointed in the end...


Don: "I had to think about you all night, where you could not think yourself!"
I: "It's my turn now to be in charge."
Don, suddenly phantasizing, how Michael Saunders would tell Jo and Jo would tell Harvey and Harvey would do damage to my work.
Rachel: "Your fear causes all this irrationality. How could any of these three lovely persons do such a thing?"

"But Harvey is against you!"

"That was my irrationality! I'll tell you a wonderfl example for our conviction, that blaming will never help, but thinking about another person, where he himself cannot think, will help:

After a wild session with Semiramis about Harvey I came to him, not blaming, but appreciating him: "Your patience has inspired me to slow down 'Partnership', to not act on my fear of the imminent catastrophe, but to train people one by one etc., just like you did, though you knew as I know, that RC is maybe the most important development in the last years. ((Nora would not be so absolutistic but would say: "one of the important..."))
continuation of the memory about Don stokes and Harvey Jackins::
"He was touched and said: "Yes, simply, laboriously and stumbling over our own feet, making mistakes and correcting them, like we did today, and I've been much more impatient than you are."

"My greatest grudge against him had been, that he did not admit mistakes! Had I blamed him, he would have defended himself or attacked me, or turned me into a client, but here I appreciated him and the humility I was longing for came out all by itself!"

"Thank you, my Rachel for telling me. It puts me at ease with Harvey!"

I had forgotten until this moment of writing, that it was Don who had soothed my rage, when I came down from ""working"" in front of the group, yes that it was this very situation which connected between me and Don.

"I can't remember", I kept repeating but Harvey pressured me: "you have a complaint-pattern!" whenever I wanted to tell him, that I didn't feel anything, till I finally told the story that was so much alike this situation: My teacher in second grade blamed me again and again and again for having talked in class, until I succumbed: "yes, I've talked!" though I truly hadn't talked. "...You are a lyer etc. etc." , which had dire consequences when I came home and my mother already "knew" from my younger sister that "Christel has lied!"....
Now with Harvey I did it all over again: I gave in, telling what Harvey wanted to hear - an "occluded" memory, crying, because he wanted me to cry on his shoulder. It was disgusting and I was furious, and when I got back to my seat near Ronnit, Don - who had taken the other side to be with her while I was in front- asked, if I wanted him to sit next to me - "for some closeness" and he came, and he stroked most of the rage away, and then - in my room - gave me a mini-session. I had given the impression (and felt so at first) that I wanted to cuddle, so he made me lie down, but I kept talking, I don't remember what, and he sat up and made me sit up ((while writing this in the plane, Ronnit is cuddling me. What soft kisses there are exchanged...)) "I thought, you wanted to cuddle, but now I see, you want to share with me your intellectual insights about what happened." I was shocked about this intuition- about him being aware of me much more than I was aware of myself. The effect was even greater since I had mistrusted him completely, mistaking his cuddling me for disguised sex. It took me many hours till I trusted him, and the rest of the week was a testing of my feeling, that finally somebody really understood my needs and responded to them! It proved to be reality!
7/9/78 (?)

 

But I hadn't been aware, that any fury about Harvey must have restimulated [today, March 9, 2011, I would say: "triggered"!] Don, however good a counselor he was at that time. And I had left him with this hurt all week, even reinforcing it now and then. But this pain, too, was healed, and thinking could and can prevail on every front.

I'm going home now to Rafael and Immanuel and Micha.
Love and lightness will govern my life from now on.
A life
full of love and creativity
free of stress and pettiness
with all its pain and happiness
and all my mistakes and imperfectness.

I'll transform everything through my love and my smile,
meine koenigliche Freiheit - my queenly freedom!
10/9/78

"The hurrider I am, the behinder I get"
(poster in Nora's club for the mentally ill)

 

 
This is a lovable composition, which the non-linearity of those old slides allowed for:
2 young creative men, contributing their talents to the manifestation of the Succayah.
The sign, painted by Yacob Haziza, could still be seen, when I visited there 2 years ago,
outside the window of the Succah-Office, which I had rented then at Mitzpe-Ramon.
[it didn't end well between us, see Succah Diaries5,6, 7, and K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_05_21]

And is this Eyal Yezreeli, the guy who sows on my machine outside my bus?
[on one of those tables which I had deviced 1966 for my and my husband's study at Ramat-Hadar]
He was a great helper ever since I met him and his wife, when they were students at a college in Haifa,
where I was allowed to inspire 30 pupils to come up with an idea of what a "succah" would look like and be made of.
[see Eyal's black and white photos in "Succah 2nd Stage"and 3rd Stage]
He, too, was disappointed by me.
But in March 2008 he, by chance, picked me up, when I hitchhiked to Succah in the Desert.
He brought me to his family and his courageous desert-wine-business north of Mitzpe-Ramon.

 
11/9/78
They leave me, I mean, "Partnership", but "Partnership" and me that's the same

 

And one last time: "Water in the Wilderness", the cherished theme of so many biblical prophecies,
though , in this case, the water comes from a reservoir, which is providing water to Mitzpe-Ramon.
In time we got permission, to install a tap in the hose, that runs from the town to the Observatory.
We almost lost the permission,
when I once let my Bedouin neighbors use the tap, though they payed what they owed me...

To my shame and regret I don't remember the names of the volunteers on these two photos.
13/1/78


Benjamin (after I told him, that I asked the Utrecht people
to cover the deficit of the Ibellin-camp, and asked, if this wasn't impertinent):
"I've a principle, I never say 'no' for other people! Let they say 'no'!


 

 


To my great surprise, in the first year of the Succayah,
I was once asked to cook dinner for the wider family of the Alpaca-Farm.
[in Healing-Ki.s.s.>"Search" sometimes appears "Alpaca-Farm" and sometimes "Alpacca-Farm"
Though Ilan Dvir (to the right) several times could not help helping me out from some dire situations,
I could not make him grasp the mutual dependency between us, despite my never ceasing efforts.
It was with him like with all the other potential partners
- people who did creative things in the desert -
whom I was chasing so pathetically -
they could not love me....

One of the groups, that began to discover the Succayah as an ideal place for their workshops!

Members of the municipality of Mitzpe-Ramon with the mayor (standing aside).
[see also "3rd stage of Succah"]
There was only the bus and the temporary succah [with the donkey to the right]
and there was my quest to be allowed to "park" in this wadi.
How come, that I was - not supported, but - tolerated by this authority?
It must have been Ezri Alon,
the head of "Park Ramon" of what is now called "Israel Nature and Parks Authority
who - unlike so many rangers and officials of that authority before and later........
- decided to help me as much as he could .
I met Ezri again after 20 years, during the "Walk about Love", and that is the only photo I have of him.
"By chance", the photo is inserted in a Godchannel file called .realhelp!
Because that is what Ezri Alon provided for me, the REAL HELP of an angel on the abyss!!!

16/9/78

Mit Ingrid Ueber Rafael: "Wenn du bei Rafael bleibst,
so weniger weil du ihm treu bist als weil du dir selber treu bleiben willst!"

 


A view from Succat-Abraham - with 3 succahs being visible:
Sarah and Ya'acov on the ridge, Lea in the back of the Wadi,
and with very special guests : three camels, which belonged to our Bedouin neighbors.
Just like their owners the camels had no shame to enter the Succayah as their territory.
Of this phenomenon I was extremely proud then.
And that this has changed - "BEDOUINS OUT!" - as I had to experience on Dec. 29, 2009,
is - of all the signs - the most shameful one and tells me:
Your Vision has appeared ahead of time...
I obviously was invited to a festive event of our neighbors in their own compound. The women dance and the men clap their hands.
Hamda,
the mother of several sons
and first wife of Jum'aa,
became even
a kind of friend
in time,
as much as language problems
allowed it.
For though I speak Arabic,
their dialect was
difficult for me.




Gott, der du gross bist, gibst am liebsten grosse Gaben,
ach dass wir Armen nur so kleine Herzen haben.
Oh God, you, who are great, prefer to give great gifts,
woe that we poor ones have only such small hearts!
[On March 8, 2011, I recorded and inserted this canon in SongGame]

17/9/78 - a big X crossed this pasage in the diary and there is no continuation.
I must have copied it sometime in the past and thrown away the original pages.
But the ending is very appropriate for this composition called : INTEGRATION!


One of many different perspectives of Succat-Abraham, in this case with "Mount Lekh-Lekhâ" in the background,
and two guests/friends, Irene and Karin, in front of the succah (see more photos in Closeups and in"SHAME's Task&Curse"].




As a completion to this view of an exemplary human creation in the Desert,
I want to close these five pages of Integration with a view,
that demonstrates the economic principle of my vision:
The Desert Nature is hardly touched by humans,
and because it's hardly touched, it is enhanced!
It is the Rachel-Succah which appears here...

La Joie de Vivre,
Life begins at forty:
Ganz, whole, tamim, shalem
I want to live the next 40 years
a life full of love and creativity
free of stress and pettiness
with all its pain and happiness
will all mistakes and imperfectness


Have I reached this goal at the age of 72 ?
YES.

March 21, 2011:
The slogan above upgraded itself,
merged with that English poem
quoted in the first insert of the 1978 Diary
and attracted a tune.
Listen to it in SongGame

.integration 2001-2003
.integration.2001-2003
God has Evolved
.integration.2001-2003
My Life's Harvest
INTEGRATION
or
Eliyahu's Lesson