I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in
learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
1 5 y
e a r s = 5 4 8 0 days of
g e f u e h l t e - g e f u e l l t e Z e i t "inmitten
der Ewigkeit", f e l t - f i l l e d t i
m e "amidst
eternity" from
the beginning of my 76th till the completion of my 90th year
[unless
I'll die after all] The
feeling chosen from a day
is exhibited in max. 7 lines per daysince
August 28, 2013 Since
March 25, 2014, the only documentation of my life is distilled
in "Felt Days"!!
My role in the manifestation of the Tent-Vision is implied in
the biblical tent quote! Often
some "Driving Backward
into the Future" is presented in a link beneath a day's
song! Nourishment
refers to every outside input, which I enjoyed or from which
I learnt.
2014-04-03-Thursday- still
5268 days
Arad>Mazkeret-Batya>Ramat-Hadar song:
ki hirveti naefesh 'ayefah
2014-04-04-Ramat-Hadar-Friday-still
5267 days
2013Songs
Nov: If your inner voice commands you ..
Trust it even if you trigger, womb and move..
2014-04-05-Ramat-Hadar-
5267 days[error]
No time
Also: it will take time,
till I can sculpt the overwhelming feelings
which accompanied and followed
the healing-work,
Yanina and even more so her daughter Iris
did with me yesterday
song:
od yeshvu...hinne anokhi sholeakh
aet-Eliyahu ha-Navie>>>>>>
18:20 I'm back in Arad,
after more intense hours with Yanina
and my journey of almost 4 hours,
and I still cannot sculpt
what I felt and keep feeling today.
May this be compensated by the one image
I allowed myself to take,
And
YHWH was seen by him by the oaks of Mamre
as he was sitting at the entrance to his TENT
at the heat of the day. Genesis
18:1
ER liess von ihm an den Steineichen Mamres sich sehen,
als er im Einlass des ZELTES sass,
bei der Hitze des Tages. Im Anfang 18,1
I
asked for support from my "Mitzpe-people",
Gadi, Efrat and Maya (from each one separately),
Tal and Itai and Udi,
also from Lior and Tzippi,
and from my sons and their wifes
(Micha's wife said, "I don't want to talk about this, I want
to be with Arnon",
whose concert with his music-class-mates I shall attend tonight)
In the left frame I quoted only what was right to quote on this
website.
And from among the immediate responses I'll quote only Tal's encouragement.
And
they brought in the ark of God,
and set it in the midst of the TENT
that David had pitched for it. Chronicles
I 16:1
Als sie mit SEINEM Schrein hingekommen waren,
richteten sie ihn auf inmitten des ZELTS,
das Dawid fuer ihn aufgespannt hatte. Begebenheiten der Tage
I 16,1
But
the ark of God
had David brought up from Kiriath-jearim
to the place that David had prepared for it;
for he had pitched a TENT for it at Jerusalem. Chronicles
II 1:4
Den Gottesschrein naemlich
hatte Dawid aus Kirjat Jearim heraufgeholt,
wo ihms Dawid bereitet hatte,
denn er hatte fuer ihn ein ZELT in Jerusalem aufgeschlagen.
"Eliyahu Ha-Navie": Yanina this
early morning, April 6, 2014,
In her healthy hand the edition of the Bible, from which I had taught
her for 4 months,
when I began my "lekh-lekhâ"
bus-life on the grounds of her greenhouse in 1985.
I was surprised to see, that she embroidered the same kind of envelope
for her edition,
which my daughter had created for me during those months - July-November
1985.
ENVISIONING - SONG
I want you to enhance
and to not distort,
what the Vision of Tents
intends to evolve
the earth of the desert
will stay free and pure
and host us humans
to find ourselves.
Scroll down to 2010
to trace my steps
of how I've been Learning to Live
March 3 - 13 no
forward on this thread!
Since
March 10, 2010 -"Godchannel.com " (founded Febr.
14, 1997) ,
is on "Facebook" .
Its "mission" is stated as follows:
"GodChannel has been publishing channeling from Deity
on the web for 13 years.
We hope the material is helpful in your healing process.
And better yet, we hope it helps you find
the truest Source of divine love and guidance in the only
place it can be found, within yourself..."
2000/06/05
checked for updates: 2005_07_19: there were none
on October 21,
2008,
I re-studied and re-edited the third part: "Bringing
Heaven to Earth". No updates.
On March 14, 2010, I checked again for updates - none - and
improved on the graphics
Truth & Reality Class - Lesson
Four The Fundamental Questions
of Manifestation
Introduction
The Where of
Manifestation
Identifying as Body
Bringing Heaven to Earth
Introduction
"This is Body, welcome to class.
I'll begin this class with some basic understandings about manifestation
that must be addressed before the healing class on Body gets too
far along.
'Who', 'why', 'what', 'where', 'when',
and 'how'
are the basic questions of manifestation.
"The 'why' question
was addressed by Grandfather in his Body
Class Introduction.
"The 'what' question will be addressed here in this class,
along with 'what's' necessary companions, 'where' and 'when'.
"All of the questions are very important
of course, but in practice, in action ~ the really important question is in the
'how'.
"How
does manifestation occur? How does it happen? The 'how' of manifestation is in serious
need of healing,
and will be addressed along with more
of the 'who' question
in the healing class.
"The answer to the 'how' question
has been hidden from plain view in the world.
In inner circles of secrecy
it's been understood to be 'Magic' or 'Wizardry' or 'Sorcery'.
From the feminine side its been called
'Mother's Way' 'Wicca' or 'Witchcraft' ~ or simply 'The Craft'.
Although the feminine terms have been raped of their meaning
by a dominant patriarchal paradigm
that has managed to discredit not only the Craft,
but the integrity of the women who have practiced it. Magic by any name, open
or secret ~
is 'The Way' of manifestation, the way it's been done.
"The real problem on Earth
with Magic
on both the masculine and feminine sides is that it hasn't yet been
practiced
from an appropriate level of wholeness and parentalness.
"It is the sacred way of manifestation,
and yet much too often
it's not been used for sacred purposes.
"Those who have been there
know this,
and know
that the means of manifestation
must be reclaimed from the denials
that have plagued it since before the Land of Pan.
It is now time for a healing
of Magic on Earth,
and the movement to a deeper form of Magic,
worked in wholeness,
and practiced by whole beings for the good of all.
"The ways of manifestation in wholeness
will look and feel much different
than what has been practiced in the past,
under any name.
This is why the 'how' question,
along with the rest of the 'who' will be resolved in the Healing
Class.
"Wholeness, meaning the full recovery of all the lost
Will ~
is my first order of business, once I am fully present
on Earth
in both male and female human form.
"From the
Father's side,
the task now is to go into Hell ~ 2009_10_31:
See the last two of the 70 puzzle-pieces: "Light's
Way to Dwell in Hell" and "Heaven
on Earth"
along with the most parental part of the Mother ~
to help her find and reclaim all of her lost Will
still suffering the tortures of my denials.
To prepare for doing this,
I have been redeeming my denied light as
Spirit.
"Part of Original Heart's plan is
that the ultimate deeds of manifestation
by those fully embodying New Heart in the wholeness of their being ~
could be accomplished only
if both the masculine and feminine
ways were used,
and used together.
To do this effectively,
two beings,
two separate manifestations of Body
will be working together in complete cooperation.
And gender is not at issue here.
"This new kind of partnership is necessary for
two reasons.
"First,
Original Heart has seen to it
that before it re-members itself completely,
there must be at least two separate
but equally powerful magicians working together
to form the new reality
of Original Heart's presence in manifestation.
"Second,
at least two practitioners will be needed
to work in the new way
that will be necessary
to complete the healing here on Earth ~
the healing that has not yet been accomplished anywhere,
the complete recover of all lost Will in all Creations."
Part One, the 'Where' of Manifestation
"Although the most
important information about manifestation
is the 'who' and the 'how',
we first need to discuss
'what' manifestation is.
And before that we do that,
we'll talk about 'what's' most necessary precursor,
the 'where' of manifestation.
"A fundamental
truth about Body, manifestation ~ is
that it happens in two domains simultaneously.
Spirit has spoken about the multi-level nature
of reality,
and this principle applies to two different levels,
or kinds of manifestation. All is one,
of course ~
and yet there are two ways of being,
two ways of perceiving,
two ways of focusing awareness,
two venues of existence, if you will.
"This
duality of awareness has been taught in some cultures
as the 'two domains', or the 'two attentions'.
"In
the first domain or attention ~ everything is just as it seems.
This is the reality of consensus
that you form and change and form again
with those who interact with you,
and with the world at large.
It's the world of three dimensions and linear time.
It's what's in the media,
and it's the ground zero of business and commerce ~
as well as politics and nations and war.
It's the 'world' everyone agrees to believe
is 'real'.
"The world of the first domain
is also the world
that will reverse on you and your efforts,
should you deny its reality,
or simply believe it not to be right.
The bargains made among all of you
to establish the rules of the consensus
are very strictly enforced,
and reversal is the price paid
for not conforming to those rules.
But there is much more than social reality in the first attention,
there is matter itself,
the substance of things,
the dense forms
of the first attention.
"The second domain or attention
includes a vast multitude of dimensions and possibilities,
and many layers of gradation from very dense to very subtle.
In short, it includes everything that is not part of the first domain
~
and it includes the first domain as well.
"This principle of dual attention
is the most fundamental duality in awareness and perception,
and is therefore the most fundamental principle in manifestation.
Body is manifested presence,
but has two fundamental points of presence,
or points of being ~
and Body can be fully understood only
when both points are considered.
"Body's point of presence in the
first domain
is relative and fixed,
but body's point of presence in the second domain is fluid,
and can be universal.
"Each
fragment of manifestation is Body,
and provides Body with a separate and relative point of
presence in the first domain.
In this way Body is many.
"Body's point of presence in the second domain
is relative and flexible, but can also be absolute.
In the second domain, each layer of manifested reality
from the most dense to the most subtle
can provide a venue
for another separate and relative point of presence
in the second attention.
"Some layers or levels of reality, however ~ are universal,
and one is absolute. That is, the point of presence
there ~
is that of Deity.
pp39 "Deity exists both in the second
domain
with its universal self-awareness,
and in the first domain ~
as the Body of each fragment in Creation.
Deity is essence manifesting as Body,
and therefore dual.
But Deity is dual in another way as well.
The two essential forces of creation,
Spirit and Will ~
each have their own approach to being and expressing Body."
Identifying as Body
pp9 "Regardless of gender,
in order to understand Body,
it is necessary to experience as Body experiences,
and of course the easiest way to do this
is to identify with Body's point of presence in the first attention
~
as you yourself.
"Pop! There ~ now
"you are Body.
And you're human.
If you're reading this, it is with human eyes.
No matter
what part of Deity or other being may
be in possession of you at the moment,
you are human. And therefore, Body is
human.
"You may not like this form,
and you may wish for another form,
but the fact remains.
Here you are, Body ~
and this is your form.
At least for now.
"Form change is another
topic that will be discussed later in this class.
"Okay, you're Body. Good.
Now to get the rest of the picture,
identify with Spirit
as you look out through your human eyes.
First it's your
own spirit essence
filtered through mind, and behind that, of course ~ is God.
And behind God is Grandfather.
If you allow mind to relax ~
you will see that God and Grandfather
have a point of presence deep inside of you.
"You
can feel Grandfather's presence, his Light ~ as the clear, golden twinkle of your Will
reflected in his eye,
and the feel of his delight in catching your eye.
You may also experience his presence as a 'wink' from him and the Mother
~
a fortuitous synchronicity in outer events,
and an inner experience
that bring hope and joy to your Heart.
His grace can be felt
as the sense of loving acceptance of you as you are
now.
"Now
looking out through your eyes,
notice that your point of presence in the first domain
is quite unique. Through you ~
Spirit has a vantage point in manifestation
that is in a specific location
in the time and space of the first
attention.
You also offer Spirit a unique set of memories,
the skills and talents you've been handed or developed
~
and most importantly, your unique point were Spirit connects with the Mother.
pp9
"Notice that your point of presence
goes far beyond your physical body
and includes everything in your venue,
your relationships and your dreams. Body does not end with its skin.
"Everything that can be perceived by
Body
is part of Body.
Body is everything in manifestation,
Body is universal.
Body is one.
And you are Body.
"This is the mystery of Body,
and the reason Body is so important ~
Body is many, and Body is one.
All is one, and Body is no exception.
But then thanks to Body, there are many.
And this is the crux of the matter,
the crux of manifestation.
Body is all that you perceive ~ on the outside
from Body's point of presence in the first domain,
and on the inside
from Body's attention at any and all points of presence in the second
domain.
"To understand this better
it may be good to do an experiment of the imagination.
If you do this 'thought experiment'
you may have the experience of partly shifting to the second attention.
This is one way to become aware
of your point of presence in the second attention,
and I invite you to try it.
"As you gaze out at the world
in front of you ~
notice that objects have surfaces,
and that's all you can see of them,
what is on their outsides.
You are looking at,
you are seeing,
the outside of the various objects
of the first attention.
"Notice the surfaces of the things
below you,
on either side of you, above you, and behind you.
If you are indoors,
notice all six sides of the room you're in.
Notice that you can't see
what is on the other side of the surface of the world you are facing,
what is on the other side of the walls, ceiling and floor.
If you are outdoors,
look around you as far as you can see,
and notice that at some point,
your perception ends,
and you can't see beyond that.
"All around
you, no matter in which direction you look, all you see are the surfaces of things. You are in the center of your venue,
in the ordinary everyday reality of the first attention.
You see the surfaces of things in the world surrounding you, as if you were in the center
of a large ball.
Allow this to become very present for you. It is simply what is so.
"Now imagine
that the inner surface of your ball is thin and flexible,
like a balloon ~ that you are inside of.
And imagine that you can reach out
and grab the inner surface,
and pull it toward you.
As you pull the flexible inner surface of the world toward you,
move yourself back too, all the way back
through the small opening of the balloon,
until you are outside of it.
"Pop! You have now turned the balloon,
the world ~ inside-out.
You are still seeing the same surfaces,
on the inside of your 'balloon',
but now from a very different perspective.
What do you notice about this point of view?
"You may now have the sense of being in a much larger place.
You may be finding
that from this new place
where you can still view the inside of your balloon ~
you can also view the inside of other balloons as well.
When you turned the world as represented by your balloon inside
out,
you put yourself in a place
where you can see
that everyone else's balloons are inside out too,
just like yours.
"You are now partly in the second attention,
you have taken a step back from the outside world,
and are now perceiving it through another route,
through the insides of things.
This is very much like the point of view
of the Parents of Creation,
their universal point of presence in the second attention.
"This is the place
where the inside of many balloons,
many venues,
many worlds
are available for you to experience,
available as independent points of view
through which you may look out into the world,
and even identify with.
When you catch a glimpse of this place,
hold the vision of the second attention's point of view.
Then notice you are also still in your own Body back here in the
first attention.
"Pop! You are now in both domains at once.
What is this experience like?
"If this experiment was useful for you,
you may wish to stop reading for now ~
and explore what it's like
to be in both domains at once.
And while you're at it ~
another question that might be useful to consider here is,
'Who is experiencing this?'
"This way of being in dual attentions
is good to practice
because we'll use it later
as the basis for other 'thought experiments' like this.
We've used it here as a metaphor
to help understand the point of presence of the 'who' of manifestation
~
the Father and Mother of Manifestation ~
Body's identity at the universal level in the second domain.
"In the first domain Body is you,
you are Body.
In the second domain, at the universal level ~
one of the two parents of Creation is you,
as you are Body.
"Throughout your history,
and in the Creations before this one,
the impulse for spirits has been
to find their way out of the muck and mire of the first attention
so they might dwell continually in only the second attention.
pp9
"All too often the movement of spirits has been away from the density, pain, anguish, discomfort,
shock and emotional trauma of manifestation.
There have been serious judgments against these things,
and great efforts have been made to lift out of all this,
to leave it all behind ~
to leave behind the terror, rage and grief,
and the rest of what has been despised about the 'reality'
of the first attention.
All of this movement has been movement away from the Mother, and away from me and my manifestation, away
from Body.
"This movement away from Will and Body has caused
a huge gap to exist between the two attentions.
Spirit has maintained its home in the second attention,
while Will and Body have been forced
into an ever denser, tighter and more restrictive first attention.
And not only that, the first attention has been used
as a dumping ground
for everything not wanted by the spirits
who have intent on getting away from it.
"But moving
away from the first attention
is not the direction evolution is going. Original Heart, Grandfather and the Original
Mother ~
and six prior Creations have been evolving in manifestation
to bring about the conditions
where it is now becoming possible
for the realities of the second domain to find their wholeness and their home
in the first domain.
"The pain and compression
of the first attention
needs the Light of the second attention
in order to live and breathe
in freedom and abundance.
And bringing Loving Light
to the misery and suffering of both Will and Body,
so that we may move in freedom and loving acceptance ~
is the point of the healing work we're doing here.
Bringing Heaven to Earth
pp9 "Original Heart foresaw
a world
of dense forms and incredible beauty,
of trees and water, sky and sun,
all types of plants and creatures
in which it would someday
dwell with peers.
Original Heart foresaw the world of the first attention
as its home in manifestation.
The very world
that most spirits have despised
because of its present harshness, pain, and limitations ~
is the world
where Original Heart wishes to express
its greatness as one whole being ~
in Body,
in manifestation with others just like itself.
"The information
in the four steps, this class, and the
healing class
is designed to help you understand
and succeed at the task at hand ~ bringing Heaven to Earth.
It's not the other way around, although it certainly has seemed to be.
"Heaven has been seen as the place to go
to get away from here.
Death has been the result of this,
not the cause.
"The times are
soon to change,
and they will be changing
because humans
fully embodying Spirit and Will as New Heart
will be here changing them.
"There
is a present paradigm in the first attention
that is indeed limiting and confining,
and that is set to provide a few with the powers of manifestation
at the expense and suffering of many.
This reality will change as the paradigm shifts. Once a few of those doing the healing work
have succeeded in bringing themselves to wholeness,
the 'how' of manifestation will begin anew on Earth.
"The New
Magic will begin
with subtle shifts in the dominant
paradigm
or 'shared
thought forms'
of the first attention.
"These paradigm shifts will open
more space and acceptance for more wholeness.
"As wholeness in individuals increases,
and more of this wholeness
is expressed
through the 'how' of manifestation ~
more space will be opened,
and in this way Heaven will be gently landing here.
"There
will be bumps in this landing, of course.
There already have been some nasty ones ~
but the most serious bumps will be those
experienced by the first few
to fully manifest New Heart in Body. But once momentum has developed,
the movement toward wholeness of being will spread quickly and easily.
pp28
"Those who are among the first to find their own wholeness
will have to face the reflection of a first attention
that completely denies them
and their reality of wholeness. Their perseverance
in what they know is right
despite little or no outer support
will enable the next wave
to ground their wholeness
in the same way the first few have done,
and so on ~
as the number of those
completely embodying New Heart in the first attention
grows.
"The growing presence
of wholeness in the first attention will provide an
ever-expanding 'landing ground'
as Spirit finds and unites
with the previously lost parts of the Mother here on Earth ~
until Heaven is fully present here in its new home.
"The Will movement
that brings you each step toward wholeness
also brings a shift away from the present paradigm of the first
attention ~
and toward the next paradigm,
the full manifestation of Heaven on Earth.
"As this movement spreads to all those
who wish life and love and wholeness
for themselves and all others,
life will become the default condition for humans on Earth.
Death will still be an option available to those
whose Wills choose it, of course ~
but eventually the healing here
will be so profound
that no Will would choose it.
"The important
choice
at this stage of the healing is the choice to ground in the first
attention. The 'ordinary world',
"the everyday world of pain and suffering,
of dullness and drudgery,
this is the world that needs healing.
"The second attention has been there forever,
and will always be there.
However, it cannot come to Earth
if there is no Will to ground it here in the
first attention.
"So the
focus is very different now for spirits on Earth.
"The focus now is
to be thoroughly engaged
in the first attention,
and
from
your solid grounding here ~
to draw down the Light. The old focus
of leaving here
to go to the Light
has not worked,
and can never truly succeed. Every agony, pain and drudgery
of the first attention
needs and deserves to
have Loving Light drawn to it.
This is our work.
"And this is the importance of the 'where' of
manifestation.
It's simply the way it is ~
pp20 the fundamental structure of manifestation
is such
that each fragment can also be the whole.
Each point of presence in the first attention,
you for instance ~
contains, embodies and potentially expresses
the totality of All That Is. A modern metaphor for this is a holographic
plate.
If the plate is broken,
each fragment of the plate retains the whole image within it.
"But of what is the plate
made?
The Mother,
whose womb holds the seeds
of all manifestation ~
is the being
who holds all of Creation in existence.
She is the place where Spirit finds its Will,
where manifestation is born and nurtured and loved.
And her perspective is essential
for any understanding of the 'where' of Creation. For it is the Mother
who must first open the space for Creation. She is 'where' it
all happens.
"Grandfather has been following his
Heart's desire
through these seven Creations,
searching through all of manifestation
for his lost Mate.
He's been in search of the Mother's Body ~
which was blown away from him
in the Great Separation
when Original Heart begat manifestation.
In the heat of its fission,
Original Heart had left Grandfather
with one fundamental directive
'Find Her ~ in Manifestation.'
"There
is much to harvest from the past,
and standing firmly in the present,
you can reel it all in, make it your own.
Each event in the past has been an essential step
in bringing us to where we are now...
"This moment now
is the farthest into the future anyone has ever been,
including me.
Savor it now and use it
to bring yourself to wholeness
by reclaiming all of the essence
you have lost to people and situations in the past." Read "Bringing
Heaven to Earth" in the message on this page!
March
3, 2010, Wednesday, in my sanctuary
at Arad, 2xpool Long phone-talks:
with Gadi:
"Do you have a copy of my 1995 creation: modah be-khol me'odi?"
"Maybe"
with Ya'acov: "your 53th birthday yesterday: tell me 53 thanksgivings,
and 3 wishes for this year!"
//e-mail: Romeo Aldebran=Emanuele (Italy)-a channeling from
Aldebaran, Cornelia (Germany), Dina
I felt frustrated with my work about Jibreel,
yesterday. As if I hadn't "got" it yet.
Then there was this often promoted 3SAT Tuesday movie: "MY
EVIL FRIEND".
Every scene with victim Ellen and her "friend" victimizer
Isa turned my stomach.
Though in art reality "must be" presented in the extreme,
it was every-day reality!
I constantly asked myself: Did the author read the "Denial
Pages" of Godchannel?
These girls were 17 years old. I had such a
"friend", Beatrix, at the age of 12...
I want to take a break in "learning
how to live" and "celebrate" something!
At 8:45 AM I was summoned for a check-up at the dentist, Dr. Oron,
who, 3 years ago, had
worked for 7 months to "rehabilitate my mouth". By chance, it was after I had completed
my little art-work for my children, who
had just paid the last of the 36 payments, which allowed for this
work. One of the wonderful assistants then was
Anna, to my regret she is not on the
photos.
When she immigrated from Russia, she downgraded her academic job
to this one.
Today Anna and I had a few minutes to uplift each others' souls.
Her part was this:
She told about severe problems in her family (mother-in-law
died, father-in-law transferred to an institution, husband had
an accident and can't feel his soles, teenage daughter is difficult), "Is there also something joyful
in your life, Anna? " I asked. "There are many moments, often
I wake up in the morning,
and feel "joy of life" for no reason,
and that's what I most appreciate,
when the joy, which I feel,
is not dependent on any exterior circumstance!" I had tears in my eyes and told her
so:
"How wondrous, that you know and experience,
what in my own life and knowing is quite new!!
You are helping the quantum-leap of humanity!" After Dr. Oron expressed his contentment
('what a beautiful woman",
he mumbled, when he asked me to take out my prostheses and checked
gums & remaining teeth under their bridges) Anna embraced me warmly, when we
parted from each other- in high spirits...
March 4, 2010, Thursday, in my sanctuary
at Arad, 2xpool, Hard physical work on cleaning up and restoring my veranda
after the last storms and rains. // Once more in the dental clinic- with Michal who had
cleaned my teeth recently
and advised me to buy "Silonit", a device which flushes
gums and teeth with WATER!
//Boris with me during the finals of Big Brother //e-mail responses
from Cornelia and Emanuele
ASSIMILATION
After I had completed the final edition
of the Jibreel sculpture, I felt ridiculous.
He once wrote, using an Arab idiom: "You
are making a hibbeh into a kibbeh!"
"a sand-corn into mosque-dome",
to which I answered with an Arab proverb: "If you were
burnt by boiling water, you're afraid even of water that's tepid."
But I accept this feeling
for now, and the cutting-off fills me with great
relief!
I decided to move on to what seemed to be an easier issue of 'Learning
to Live', which had come up 2 days ago, March 2, when I inserted
the quotes of RUOW: "Limits on the Self"
But when I woke up and let myself be driven by my intuitive dreaming-thinking,
that issue grew into formidable dimensions and had to do -again-
with Bedouins!
I'll start with the light, even humorous situation of walking
to town on March 2.
When I saw that it was stormy outside, I decided to put on shoes,
notsandals.
From several boot-like shoes [inherited
over time from my daughter & daughter-in-love]
which I let go off in that "lekh-lekha
exercise" (s.
October 9-11), I left only these.
I wear shoes only if it's raining, but that it could be raining
was only the pretext:
I would go to town, which happens only
once a month, and I wanted to look
proper!
For this "trying to ASSIMILATE myself to society" I
got punished !
For the heels of these boots are slightly -only
slightly- higher than those of sandals,
and since I'm not used to this "height", and since I've
learnt from Paula Garbourg,
that heels are bad for the
natural breathing-in-tune-with-the-sphincter-muscles,
I suffered, not only when climbing up and down the wadi, but even
on the street.
Instead of enjoying my walk, I was mad at myself for causing my
Body to suffer.
I realized, that I had fallen into the trap of most people and
of almost all women,
which is to deny what is right
and comfortable for me, for the sake of "beauty",
or more exact - for the sake of feeling accepted and
honored by "the people".
Of course, I now could write 10 volumes about myself, leave alone
about others,
concerning this kind of self-denial about which it is
easy to joke and to laugh.
But when this "assimilation to society"
came up during my morning-musing
it combined with a much most crucial "version", yes
with a dangerous dilemma:
Should Futna and Rachma adapt to "Israeli" society or
'stick to their own kind'
as Anita advices Maria in "A boy like that " in "Westside-Story"
(I cry listening)?
The more I thought about this today (it's
now 17:16), the more
sadness I felt.
Let me tell the sequence of TV experiences.
There was a talk after the last show of "Big Brother"
before "The Final" today.
It was past midnight, when Futna's "Israeli-hood"
came into the cross-fire.
Futna, the Arab, is not only among the 5 "finalists",
but she was the only one,
who had not been put up for the voting of the public ["hadakhah"]
by her peers.
"One
Futna
for two people"
"Akram (her husband)
with Futna"
2
of the images
that came up,
when I put
"Futna"
in "Google-Search"
I recall, how "Edna",
that woman who came to Big Brother with the agenda
to make "people" aware of the 600 Israeli checkpoints
on occupied territory.
when asked - outside
Big Brother - why
she had difficulties with Futna, said:
"Futna~~~~" and hesitated
"Futna wants to be Jewish!"
This was the more depplorable as it came from a so-called "peace-activist"!
I discovered some youtube videos, and the
one I listened to made me sob with joy.
But I also sobbed with joy, when Sadaatcame to Israel, and my neighbor said:
"Now I know, why I survived Auschwitz:
to see Sadaat step on an Israeli airport",
while even my co-chairman in "Partnership" Nimr
Ismair, saw Saadat as a traitor.
The song is by two Jewish Israelis
and appeared in the
radio-program of "24 hours oriental music"
It would be so "natural", that "oriental"
Jews in general and their music in particular
would serve as a bridge between the two conflicting nations, but
self-hatred has prevented it so far:
Since Sephardi Jews have often felt inferior to Ashkenazi Jews,
they needed the Arabs as a "dark foil"
in order to discern on it their own light.
The more so I am happy about this song and only pray, that Futna
will not pay the price of Sadat...
"walla
ishi, walla ishi"
(in Arabic: "never mind!",
-became an idiom in Israel because of Futna)
Futna, Futna, beloved,
you are like a big sister,
you embrace tem all
and you have warmth for love Futna you, Futna
you,
are one for two peoples!
Yallah, habuba (beloved), yallah Futna.
Everyone sees her eyes
and the heart yearns,
how good that Big Brother let us know her. Futna,
you are one for two peoples!
Futna, what a woman, (the
next line I didn't quite grasp:)
Is there something real like that?
For coexistence she strives,
and in her there is light full of hope Futna,
you are one for two peoples!
Justice she pursues, peace she requests,
and how good that Big Brother let us know her Futna,
you are one for two peoples!
ma-li, ma-li, walla ishi
When she is sad, this does feel bad to me
when she is happy- this is good for the soul Futna,
you are one for two peoples!
The problem of "ASSIMILATION" was dealt
with - not by two Jewish debaters -
but by a Bedouin girl, who is directly concerned, in the Channel
2 doc series "18". I couldn't detect an imageof
this fiercely determined, independent, courageous girl.
The name of the youngest of 9 siblings is "Rakhma",
which touches me, - it derives from "Rakham",
or in Hebrew "raekham", = womb,
a noun, which produced "rakhamim" -compassion in Hebrew,
and "Allah al-rakhmaan al-rakhim" -Allah the Compassionate. ("maraarat
al-rakham" "Cave of the Womb I called my cave in Bedouin
land)
Rakhma was filmed with the facilitator of the doc, a man in a
wheel-chair,
while she explained her principle about assimilation in her father's
presence.
Her mother had died 5 years ago, and - being "a stranger
in her own land",
she had nobody but her father to understand her, to support and
love her.
During the work on the doc, he died, and while she was seen at
his grave,
on their land at Tel-Arad (not far from me)
she for the first time wore a scarf .
The doc led towards the precarious issue of recruition to the
army, Yes or No,
Among Jewish 18 year old boys and girls there are more and more
objectors,
but in some environments it would be a shame, not to recruit into
"fighting units",
If I wear shoes which make Body suffer, in order to be "accepted",
it is one thing.
If a boy forces his mother, who already lost a "fighting"
son, -as the doc showed,
to sign on his recruition into a fighting unit, in order to be
accepted by his society,
then this shows "assimilation" of the worst kind.
When Rakhma's male class-mates were asked about recruiting into
the army,
they said: "No~~ being Arabs ourselves
we wouldn't like to kill other Arabs."
The man in the wheelchair was empathic: "You
ARE in a shitty situation!"
This brings me back to the "assimilation" of Futna and
Rakhma.
Rakhma may be the first Bedouin girl to recruit into "National
Service",
"Where?" "In Beersheva or
in Arad", but she didn't know in what frame.
I often wonder, why a soul chooses to incarnate into such an impossible
situation.
To be an Arab individual within Israel which is at war with the
entire Arab world.
Even the endeavors of Jews for 150 years - to assimilate with
the Germans failed.
And Germany was not at war with a state of Jews, which did not
even exist then.
What choices do Futna and Rakhma have? To be who they are?
This sounds like a stupid advice to those who might be ostracised
by both sides!
I shudder ~~~ I have no solution, only deep, deep compassion...
I return to coping with my own "trend" to assimilate,
when there is no justification, no dilemma, no danger,
only a "habit" , as expressed in a
song already in 1991 "Balanced I am, flexible and strong,
wanting to be like you, was wrong!
I yearned to love and laugh among
you all and to dance and to sing my song
in pain~~~ in vain~~~ for much too long... I learnt to be myself, a queen,
alone, all-one, at last serene."
In the pool I experienced again, how people's swimming straight
back and forth
triggers me, who swims
and swirls like a dolphin and feels so often "disturbed".
But what about those straight swimmers being "disturbed"
by just watching me?
"Abraham" would say: They "stage" you as a
"contrast",
against which they either appreciate their own method,
or which enlightens them with possibilities of swimming, that
may enrich them.
This understanding, too, expressed itself in a [Hebrew] song
long ago - in 1993 "With me or against me will you discover
[tegallu]
your choice
Against me or with me will you grow [tegadlu]
your powers You'll redeem [tig'alu]
the Messias, the Redeemer [ha-goel],
in yourself"
March
5, 2010, Friday, in my sanctuary
at Arad, 2xPool,
e-mail to Na'ama Ya'ari, to Moshe
Klein
Most of the too long, too complex sculpture about
"Assimilation" is completed.
But though it's only Shabbat-Eve and not Shabbat I won't sculpt
anything new.
I am finally
free ,
to complete, what I've noted as missing
in old pages. [in Song-Game: 2007_10_30
//2007_05_12
// in Puzzle-Pieces 6b
> 2002_08-16-17,
in Ed. Godchannel>,Interview IV
~~~.Reality3~~~
.identity ~~~ . vibration~~~ .urantia]
2 hours before the begin of the "Big Brother" finals
I was urged to invite Boris.
We shared our thinking and feeling about this grand display of
present humans.
When I inserted that image about Eliraz causing Sa'ar to reconciliate
with him, [See "Celebrating what is
right with the World", January
24, 2010]
Efrat called me in the middle,
"please send a SMS for Eliraz",
explaining me exactly what to dial.
She had intuited from the start,
that Eliraz would win most hearts,
117000 "talk-backs" as compared to only
a few thousands to the other favorites.
I could have guessed, the these "two gladiators"
would be the final contesters.
I see it as a symbol of the contest between Spirit's
fragments (Ahriman-Lucifer) and New Heart, in which Spirit and Will
are united in Body on Earth.
2001_11_08-Tomer received a birthday blessing
from the family of his aunt, my daughter, probably created by
Rotem (then 8) .
At that time Tomer lived with his mother at Modi'in, but here
visits his father in the Galilee.
Many
people have misunderstandings
that Right Use of Will is too hard to do
or means giving up habits in a spirit of sacrifice or self-deial. However,
it is not as hard to free your Will
as it is to live in a Body
that has to carry blockage,
resistance,
denial
and rigidity
of an imprisoned Will.
....
Finding
your own right place
is an outer reflection
of finding your own inner balance.
Finding inner balance
is going to create an outer reality
that will match iit.
The path to your own inner balance
will be reflected by changes in you
outer LIfe. In freeing your own will,
you cannot help but have outer reality respond.
Dec.1942, my father in uniform got leave,
when his only son was born ( my mother wanted 4 sons, and not
two daughters...)
Desire summons
Life Force.
If we must continue to be alive, we must continue to have new
desire.
You are not willing to let yourself outrageously want
because when you outrageously want something
that you haven't found a way of getting, it is too uncomfortable,
and the risk feels too great.
We're wanting you to hear that there is no risk at all!
Fantasize and watch what happens.
Reading this I asked : what do I desire
right now, today, at all?
What comes spontaneously - as the first desire - to my mind?
Answer: "That all people may be empowered, get of the victim-role
and know and apply,
that each one writes and stages his/her own movie!"
Spiritual
teaching should not be directing you
to lift above and drop off the physical and emotional bodies
and try to return to essence in the Godhead without them.
This has been a massive spiritual misunderstanding on earth.
The reality is that this approach will not work because what is yours, is yours,
and you cannot drop it off;
the way is to evolve,
and to evolve it you must accept it.
Right Use of Will is beginning
with what people can accept now so that a foundation can be
built
by clearing
[the Hebrew translation "cleaning" is misleading]
the physical,
emotional
and mental bodies.
This process will build personal power
so that Original
Cause
can be faced, accepted and understood.
When Original Cause
is brought forward
it will become clear
how these Spiritual misunderstandings originated.
For now, all that can
really be said is
that it is not possible
to return to essence
by dropping off parts of yourself. Undercurrent here is a judgment
against the Creation.
The Creation is not to be denied.
Essence is living ,
expanding and evolving,
and manifests as the Creation.
Manifestation is the experience
through which Loving Essence evolves.
Healing your disconnections
and non self-acceptance
is a matter of personal choice and timing,
......
Spiritual growth has been thought
to require death of the ego.
This is not true understanding.
There is no problem with ego.
Denying the ego its right function
has created disease in the ego
and this disease is the problem.
Death of the ego is not a necessary part of Spiritual
growth.
Ego in fact is
the part of you
that recognizes yourself as you.
The ego operates
to protect
your present level of ability
to accept and express.
Ego is as Divine as anything else.
There is no problem with ego
if it sees itself as evolving with the rest of you.
You cannot tell the difference between yourself and anything
else without ego.
May 2008, 2 toddlers, one of them Mika, then 3 1/2, leaping
past 2 lovers on a bench (near the previous Shoham flat on a hill
with a playground)
... You say, "Oh, let's get along!"
And what each of you mean is, "You do what I want." A peaceful world means,
"Everybody wanting what I want. Going along with what I want."
... The ultimate experience is,
everyone having their experience
and launching their individual rockets of desire,
and the Universe yielding to all of them simultaneously.
And everybody not worrying about what anybody else created,
and so, then allowing what they are wanting.
What a world that is, when there are endless desirers,
who are allowing the fulfillment of their own desires.
Even before I read this today, while immersed
in my morning-musings,
I felt, that yesterday I had phrased only the first part of my
main desire,
The full answer, that comes spontaneously, is:
"I DESIRE,
that all people learn to love themselves
and see their greatness and uniqueness as being
rays of the ONE sun,
waves of the ONE ocean
colors of the ONE Rainbow,
and from there - That all people may be empowered, get of the victim-role
and know and apply,
that each one writes and stages his/her own movie!"
Tzippi before our co-created dinner: "Can you photograph
this stool?
I have someone in Jerusalem,
who can make a copy of it for ME."
My Body likes to sit on the upper "floor",
with the knees on the lower.
I bought this stool in Berlin 1988,
and used it in my
bus, in my
tent
..... Dont
you be afraid to loose control
If your heart has found some empty spaces
Dancing's just the thing to make you whole
....
We are one when dancing with the mountains
We are one when singing in the wind
We are one when thinking of each other
More than partners
much more than pieces
more than friends
I want to be the best that I can be.
I want to do and have and live in a way
that is in harmony with my idea of the greatest goodness.
I want to harmonize physically here in this body
with that which I believe to be the best, or the good
way, of life.
If you will make those statements,
and then do not take action unless you feel good,
you will always be moving upon the path in harmony
with your idea of that which is good.
"There
is much to harvest from the past,
and standing firmly in the present,
you can reel it all in, make it your own.
Each event in the past has been an essential step
in bringing us to where we are now.
And where we are now is always the present moment.
"This moment now
is the farthest into the future anyone has ever been,
including me.
Savor it now and use it
to bring yourself to wholeness
by reclaiming all of the essence
you have lost to people and situations in the past."
March
7, 2010, Sunday, in my
sanctuary at Arad, 2xpool,
ph: Dina, Gadi, Paz /mails: Yaacov sent his
desires for his 54th year, as requested by me.
Knowing when it's time to go back instead of forward
Shabbat 8:15, the time of Yanina's and
my weekly 1 hr phone-talk.
"I'm sorry again, that I'll
be able to call you only tonight at 7 PM."
At 7 PM I was in the middle of watching a doc which agitated
me.
It soon became clear, why she hadn't been meant to call me at
8:15.
She had to listen to a story of my life, which she had never
heard.
During 44 years of friendship we - sometimes- were out of touch.
The doc was about 2 men, who in 2006 made an experiment:
to cross 300 km of the Alps and many 1000 meters of height - "In rainy
August 2006, 2 men set off on an extraordinary expedition.
Ingo Schuster, 51, and Henning Fenner, 35, want to cross the
Alps
– in the same way as their predecessors of the New Stone
Age did,
wearing their equipment, without using maps, sleeping bags etc.
The idol of this spectacular experiment is „Oetzi“,
the glacier man,
whose body was conserved for about 5000 years in glacial ice
.... "
El
Cami dels Bons Homes - s. the videa there. Other
videos don't convey my experience "The Trail of the Good People (=the Cathars)"
from Queralt in Spain to Montsegur in France"
The memory had already been refreshed in my feelings
for 2 reasons:
One - a double doc about people who walked the "Appalachian
Trail",
3000 km - 6 months,
Of course, I told the Pyrenees story before, but with Yanina
it was different. [I'm now re-studying my
3 pages sculpture about "Is
this really a God-victorious journey"?]
With her I shuddered when sensing in my Body and fearing-feeling
in my Will,
to what horrid extremes of physical hardship I had driven myself
for 20 years.
"What about food!" Yanina asked. I, the epitome
of gluttony, laughed.
"Do you think, food is important
in such situations? I wasn't hungry!
Just like in
Sinai in July 1996, when I didn't have a penny to buy food:
I sat on a stone in "Table-wadi", holding an umbrella
between my lips
and stitched the third R
& D generation model of my pyramidal tent -
my Body didn't ask for food and was happy with foul cistern
water."
But carrying a 17 kg backpack and loosing my way in the snow,
through a pass in the mountains, while night is approaching
fast,
that is "difficult", that is unbearable for Body,
for Will, for Mind.
If my mind would have been attuned to Body and Will and Spirit,
it would have realized at the right moment, that I had to go
back.
' But having climbed up this mountain,
disciplining myself by counting 30 breaths,
till I could lean and rest on the backpack without removing
it from my shoulders,
for I wouldn't have had the strength to load it up again,
how can I now go back?? down to a snowless spot??
a spot even enough to stretch myself in my sleeping bag,
not to talk about my specially deviced and sown tent?'
What I experienced then, during the next 42 hours of being mortified
not by fear of death, but by guilt that my
family would never find me,
had a lesson in store for me, stored in the metaphor of physical
horror.
"Often in life it is crucial to stop,
even to go back and not forward!"
I believe, that I've humbly followed this lesson ever since,
I've learnt to walk slower and slower or to not walk at all.
I'm applying the command, which I keep quoting so often: It hath been told thee, O man, what
is good
and what the LORD doth require of thee ....
and to walk humbly with thy God.[Micah
6:8]
The faster the planet seems to turn,
the more information and experiences seem to push me forward,
the more TIME I take in order to process, heal and harvest both.
"This
has been your life's direction since 1995: Stop going forward, cease to manifest, drive backward into the future, heal and harvest your
past,
heal into wholeness,
for only when you are whole,
embracing all you are
and all you have experienced,
will you be able to manifest
creations which are whole."
On the Internet there
is now so much more info about that mystical region than in
2007,
when I sculpted "Is this a God-victorious journey"?
leave alone at the time of my pilgrimage in 2001..
March
8, 2010, Monday, in my
sanctuary at Arad, 2xpool, Re-studied, corrected: "Is
this really a God-Victorious Journey" p 1-3. SongGame
2007_03_13
My land-lady: "Do you want this huge
blanket? The washing-machine tore it on 4 spots."
"No, I have enough blankets. But don't buy a new one, I'll
repair it for you". Much, much work! phone: Micha, my son, invited me for the Seder of Pesach.
My Discipline of Playing Music
6:45 in the morning. I opened the computer
to note a lovely dream:
A shack. A long wooden bench. People. A kind man, middle-aged.
I needed some upliftment and he brought a guitar the size of
a violin. "But you know,
with my handicapped fingers I might not be able to play it!" I was ready to trust and try,
but he - from nowhere - pulled out another one, same size:
"Then try this!"
The little guitar had uncountable cords on it, in an utter mess.
I touched it, without intending any specific cord: it sounded!
It occurred to me: "It's so simple, even Mika could play
it."
I began to sing,
and though it wasn't a familiar song, all the people
joined in,
next to me and the man, across the bench, in all the corners,
all sang together while I had only to touch the mess of cords.
I surrendered to utter bliss, 'that's what I've always wanted!'
And in writing this, I cry.
I didn't know, what the man intended. I was insecure, I was
in doubt.
But at some time the man, who had been away, came back and said,
said explicitly: "This is yours
now, but it's only yours, nobody else's!"
Yesterday night: Dina
came for 3 hours! her first visit after some 2 years!
The main issue was: since cancer is THE sickness which indicates
denial,
she staged her father's cancer, in order to learn for herself
and the world,
that total self-acceptance is possible only
if feelings can vibrate freely.
"You are a starchild, you are here
to contribute to humankind's evolution!"
But we also talked about my judging her living in the Occupied
Territories. I told the story of Tamir,
who now lives in a settlement in Palestine ... : Tamir
who had persuaded me to move from the Red Sea to the Dead
Sea!
"our work is with Palestinians! our
4 Nations Tent doesn't pertain to them!"
When I was evicted from the Dead Sea a second time, he
inherited my bus.
He wanted to get rid of my electronic organ..
so I gave it to the Catholic Church in Jericho. Just before I had surrendered to his great
desire to buy a keyboard. [I had money then, since my sister
and I got hold of our grandfather's house in East-Germany]
When Tamir's bus was dragged away by the authorities and then
robbed,
the keyboard - with its potential to also play oriental music
- was not in it.
So when I "settled" in Arad, Tamir once came and brought
the keyboard.
"But it is still ours!"
he stressed, for 6 years earlier I had bought it for US.
Back to this morning's dream, which was
inspired by a pain on Shabbat..
I wanted to play and to sing Mendelssohns' "O
could I fly like a dove!"
but ~~ worse than ever before: I failed and the instrument
failed too.
I was so frustrated, that I left it: "Obviously,
playing is really over!!!!"
My story of playing music is as sad as
my history of singing is glad.
My mother's mother made a living for the family as a piano-teacher.
When I was six, her daughter, my mother, began to teach me piano.
Discipline was forced ~aggravated by lack of didactics and patience.
Though I hated playing, at the age of 13 I saw an organ from
behind. "I would like to play the
organ", I said...
perhaps the only desire which my mother fulfilled, with
a cheap teacher.
By discipline, I soon was good enough to play in services, for
money.
Then the electric accident at the age of 15. After a year I
took up playing,
strangely the severe damage on 2 fingers did not prevent me
from playing.
But 2 dreams were over: playing Cello as my mother had planned
for me,
and playing the guitar as I was dreaming, after I experienced
somewhere,
how a guitar player could animatepeople to sing around a nightly fire.
To getpeopletosing together was my evergrowing
desire.
Instead I was "ordered" to the High School for Church
Music.
I made the exams after 3 months instead of after a year- 1957.
I AM NOT GIFTED, BUT I AM HORRIDLY DISCIPLINED...
When in Israel, I had neither a guitar,
nor a piano, only my flute.
which I began to learn only in 1959, when I received it as a
gift.
It was frustrating, too, but I "believed", I "needed"
to play music. [See tomorrow! my talk with Ronnit
about this
flute, given to Rotem by me]
I bought an old accordeon though I detest this instrument.
To make the endeavor of learning it even more impossible,
I combined it with learning a new method of noting music,
since it was much more logical than the
age-old method,
The "TEST" came, when I arranged a gathering of our
family's friends.
I had trained myself in accompanying simple songs, to animate
people.
But people rarely feel at ease with me, leave alone when playing
music.
It was so pathetic, so shameful, so ignoble, that I sold the
accordeon..
After 10 years of marriage, my husband
agreed to buy a Russian piano. Of course, there were
also moments of joy, when I played for myself.
But - as with my enjoying to listen to music - it occurred almost
only, when the music was attached
to a song.
to wordswhich mymindcan grasp and which can uplift my heart.
All the world is uplifted by the music itself, so why do I need
words?
See a small sculpture about Eliyah close to the end of puzzle
piece 47,
" ...when a depression would hit me,
I would ...play and sing with Mendelssohn's "Elias",
so that I could cry....
That piano is now back with Immanuel,
though he never learnt playing it.
When he was ten and had proven, that he was much more gifted
than me,
I took care, that he could learn guitar and it's
him who fulfills my desire...
Pushed by Efrat, I
sometimes play, when she gets Mika ready for the day.
But I rarely enjoy it.
It seems to me, that all my effort of enjoying was enforced
and rarely real.
2002_02_01 ---Nr. 5 on
the blackboard: "Alon's father (Immanuel) - singing with
guitar"
And I Know
NOW, following my dream,
that I am NOT supposed to play.
I am not even supposed to animate people to sing, I am heavy
on them.
All this disciplined intent, intention and intensity deters
"The Mother".
A little "guitar" with countless messed-up cords will
be touched lightly,
no expertise is needed~~~ no talent is asked for ~~~ only a
light touch,
and people ~~will join ~~together ~~~ and sing!
March
9, 2010, Tuesday, in my
sanctuary at Arad, 2xpool, Edited yesterday's sculpture. Re-studied, corrected:
pp47: Mary and the Mother
, pp49 Ego
Ph: Lior
told about her new job with 4 kids, twice twins (2 and 5),
in a family in the Aravah
My Skill to Repair When I came to Meital at night
to let her check the first repair, she said:
"I don't want the blanket, I heard, that a torn blanket
brings bad luck!"
She still agreed to look at the repair and said enthusiastically:
"I've no words!" and then: "I'll bring you part
of our dinner!"
Nichts
ist mir zu klein, und ich lieb es trotzdem
und mal' es auf Goldgrund und gross
und halte es hoch, und ich weiss nicht wem
loest es die Seele los...
Nothing
is too small for me, and I still love it,
and paint it on gold and huge
and lift it high up, and I don't know whom
will it untie the soul [Rainer Maria Rilke, see
my song]
First thing in the morning: to repair
the last and most difficult spot in that blanket. I hoped to get it ready, before mother
and kids would leave the house at 7:30.
But while working on the difficile spot at the hem of the blanket
for which I needed a patch from my treasure-box - a piece from
a shoulder-blade,
once dissevered from a coat, bequeathed to me from one of my
daughters-in-love - memories came up, which had to
teach me a lesson of gratitude!
Even after I healed all the emotional wounds which I attracted
from my mother, (through caring for her, who was
sick with Altzheimer- for 18 months till she died in my arms) I see myself rarely saying "a good
word" about her. See yesterday's sculpture!
I, therefore, hurry to explain the reason for my strong feeling
of grate-full-ness:
I am not skilled to sow a new dress, but I'm able to repair
any cloth that's torn!
I'm able to use rags & scraps of cloth and compose
them into something new!
That's how I - usually without needing to buy anything with
money -
created the homely, lovely interior of my flats, my
bus, my tents
and my caves.
And, of course, when Efrat tells me to finally discard my
bathing-suit of 2002,
I say: "But why? It was a gift
from my daughter and I shall keep repairing it!" [2 days later I came across that
same photo with that bathing-suit in "69
thanksgivings", 2007]
JOY
Shortly after I wrote this sentence,
I received a phone-call
for the first time
in almost 7 years
from my daughter
following the 2000 NIS,
which I sent to each of my children (see above, March 3)
It was
my mother, who not only taught me, but urged me incessantly.
And unlike the piano-urging, the handiwork-urging served me
well! I was six, when
I accomplished my first embroidery, a tiny 'booklet' for needles.
This got lost only in Sinai,
in 1996, when I was no
longer allowed to enter Egypt.
From the age of seven I knitted countless socks, with torn wool
from old socks.
The kids on the street, who saw me knitting in the sun, mocked
me: "Grandma!"
For a pair of such socks, the threads of which had to constantly
be combined,
I got an egg - 4 years after the war, when eggs could still
not be bought freely.
At twelve - I knitted a full-fledged sweater for a neighbor
and got money for it!
Oh for all my knitting, my embroidering, my sowing, stitching
and repairing!!!!
How could I have installed the 7 succahs of Succah-in-the
Desert with 30000 $,
if I hadn't sown old covers into new ones to fit blankets &
pillows I got hold of?
1961-My mother even
animated my friend Anke, who came from afar, to knit
The electricity which allowed
me
to sow the first seven pyramidal
tents (while
a German volunteer, Dorothee,
was holding the 3.66 me long "Yutta" cloth
on the other side of the machine),
did not come from
the Full Moon above us,
but from the Solar Energy System
which I had installed
(1992)
This was me,
repairing the
Tent of Appointment,
in winter
1992-93
after it had been torn by storms
The machine used to be in my
bus,
from where it was stolen
in 1995
Nowadays - on this morning - I'm stitching
by hand
Self-timer: Stitching and repairing
the last torn spot. Concentration needed!
(See the book of RUOW to the left and my keyboard to the right
...) both
sides of the patch on the torn hem of the couple-blanket
March
10, 2010, Wednesday,
in my sanctuary at Arad, 1xpool, - traveling to Immanuel, Efrat
and Mika at Shoham
a letter from and to Julie, a friend of my starchildren, who
took part in a RUOW workshop
4 o'clock in the morning:
I was made to understand
that till March 13 I must cease
"Manifesting Sculptures of Presenting My Life"
The only creations still permitted, will be:
"Mika's Heaven-on-Earth"- photos
+ episodes,
and editions of past pages including new inserts of fitting
photos and sculptures.
No goal, no plan, no systematic, daily working.
In
the first passage of "Inner
Listening"
(s. yesterday right frame)
the term "judgment" appears 7 times.
This is a chance to insert a new thought about that ancient
theme: How to become aware
of judgments and how to release them:
Translation:
To judge includes not only:
"I don't want to feel like that" or "I should
not feel like that",
but also:
"I must do something so I won't feel like that"
for instance:
If I feel lack of zest-full-ness and lack of full-fill-ment,
a feeling which I began to call "lo-ba-li-yut" {an invented
noun based on the sentence 'I don't feel like it' ,
'I don't feel like doing anything', 'I don't feel like living
at all'} I
am judging:
"I should be more concentrated on my creating"
or "I should work faster in order to get things done."
It's true that the task of the feeling is to guide me:
'What is pleasing me to do, how is it good for me to live',
but there is a vital difference between letting a feeling guide
me
and escaping from the feeling into a drug!
And it doesn't matter, if this is a physical substance which
dazes the feeling,
or if it is some doing or talking, which "makes the feeling
pass".
March 11, 2010, Thursday, with
Efrat and Mika at Shoham
Talks with kindergardeners, morning & afternoon. With kids
on a playground. With a neighbor.
Stunning contact after 10 years, by Facebook &
then e-mail, with Liri and Stav Ya'ar abroad.
Ph: Lior (who was also contacted by Liri! What
a
"re-union"of our1999
"circle" in Ein-Gedi !)
Lior asked , if we could - together with like-minded people
- , celebrate Pesach in the Desert!
Ph. from Micha: "Thanks for
the money gift [s. above March 3]
, but why did you do that?!"
"It is a double gesture:
that I'm grateful to you three and that you three may know -your
mother has abundance!"
Ph. to Nirit, my daughter's mother-in-law (a year younger
than I), whose only brother died.
Ph. to Dita, my
stepdaughter: within 6 days ~ each of her 2 daughters gave birth
to a son!
A not-planned timing of events "staged" a not intended,
but a maybe beneficialinteraction:
After kindergarden Mika wanted to stay on a playground,
and "a girl started to talk to me
until we became friends".
At some time I got worried, I didn't have the phone with me
= her mother couldn't reach us.
We reached home just when Efrat returned from a parent's session
in Tomer's boardingschool. And exactly then a mother called:
"Ziv wants Mika to be with her until
supper, I'll fetch her!"
That was how Efrat and I found ourselves suddenly alone with
each other at an unusual hour.
And this allowed a deep and harmonious and fruitful discussion
about the probable "purpose"
of why Mika and we , her co-actors, are presently "staging"
Mika's severe hearing-impair.
In the evening we saw the post-final show of "Big Brother",
exchanging feelings & judgments
about the winner Eliraz
(=my God is a mystery)
and the 2 contrasting finalists Aleen and Sa'ar.
[See an example of this season in "Celebrating what is
right with the World, on Jan. 24,
2010]
My last info: "Godchannel"
is on Facebook
since March 10, with already 35 "fans"!
About the need to be
RECEIVED
See in a relatively recent
channeling, the Fifth Interview with
"God", in July 2008
"....This wins me more gratitude,
and my Light feels RECEIVED and loved.
Thus the loving union between Spirit and all of manifestation
grows deeper and spreads more widely."
"...If you are a Human identified as Spirit,
unless you have redeemed the devils
as I have suggested,
it is likely that your experience of feelings and even of manifestation
will seem more or less unpleasant,
or at least DEPENDENT upon you
being RECEIVED ...by others"
49 years ago we climbed down Nahal
David at Ein-Gedi towards the Dead Sea.
I said: "If there should be any view
on this planet more gorgeous than this one, my heart would not be great enough to
receive and contain the beauty."
It was then, that Anke,
my oldest friend(the one who gave me
that flute, s. above),
taught me a little song Gott, der du gross bist, gibst am
liebsten grosse Gaben,
ach dass wir Armen nur so kleine Herzen haben! You, God, who are great, would like to
give us great gifts,
o, that we poor ones have only such small hearts.".
Yet it's not only "God" who wants to give
great gifts!
the archetypal story about Cain(s. my
research of 30 years),
the only story in the Bible about individual persons after the Garden of Eden and before the Great Flood,
exemplifies what is true for every single individual on
this planet:
Cain wanted to give from what he had created by his own hands, but there was no-one to receive
it.
I see it all around me: how people yearn to give of their richness,
but even the most receptive people - how little can they contain!
In "How I've learnt to live", I've told here just
a few of countless examples
I end with one phenomenon in Creation which I still can not
make sense of: The disproportion
between what
is given or
could be given
and what can be received.
A good metaphor is: the millions of male sperms and the
one female egg...
Even if a person no longer makes self-worth
dependent on being received,
and is at peace and whole with not being able to give all s/he
wants to give,
the fact stays, that
even 4 year old Mika can give and gives so much more
than even her closest co-actors, father, mother & grandmother
can receive.
May
19,2006, Immanuel, Efrat, baby Mika, Alon & Tomer
visited me for the first time in my castle in Arad [to which
I moved on Dec.
4, 2004],
a month before the almost deadly accident of Efrat and Mika,
and the 2nd Lebanon War.
I now came across
the explanation, why Deity's feminine aspect is called "Will",
instead of "Feeling" , as I would prefer.
Please read the chapter "Identity and Definition"
in "Introduction
to Manifestation"
DISCIPLINE, DEATH and REINCARNATION
RESULTING from the ORIGINAL SPLIT
between SPIRIT and WILL
Discipline is a point of real confusion
among most of the people on Earth today.
Suffice it to say
that an aligned Will is always appropriate.
..........................
Will must be unconditionally accepted
by the Spirit
to be able to balance with it in the Heart.
The Will has been so severely disciplined on Earth
that it is extremely confused
and in fact is very much like an abused child in most
people.
This has damaged the Will to such an extent
that death has been the regular
result
and nearly everyone has accepted this
as the way it's supposed to be
The fact that death is taking place at
all
indicates a serious imbalance
of the Spirit and the Will.
Death and rebirth are only a temporary way
to work with the imbalance.
In
my original
edition I seem to have skipped a passage by error,
and since I no longer have the paper-book, I cannot correct
this.
I, therefore, won't insert it in Hebrew either. It says, that the pattern of incarnation
was right for a time,
but it will not be right in the future,
nor is the idea, that there is only one chance to live, correct. [June 7, 2013: Only now I understand,
that I may not have skipped anything,
but that the translator used the edition of 1986 (not 1984),
in which there were already changes and additions,
though much less than in the edition of 2010,
which I discovered only in 2013, see in RUOW
Books]
Evolution is the process
through which these parts can change and grow with you.
You need to evolve all of you,
not just your higher levels of vibration.
For truly, you all came to earth as complete Spirits
and became physical by slowing down a part of yourself
until it became dense enough to be called physical.
The process of birth and death came
when the power to speed up the dense part
was lost in the confusion of experiencing its new vibratory
rate.
Right Use of Will is going to give you the understandings
needed
to recover the lost power
of leaving the physical plane with your entire being,
rather than just a part of it.
Death is a result of misunderstandings,
confusions
and judgments around the physical experience.
These judgments were attempts
to make sense of the situation.
... Release of these thought patterns
and the accompanying emotional charge
will allow the needed understandings to come in their
place.
In seeking the cause for the entrapment
on Earth
that resulted in the split of Spirit and Will
and the beginning of physical death,
many blamed the Will,
which is the part of the self that slowed to the lower
vibration.
.... it is not a situation of blame;
it is an experience of learning for Will and Spirit.
The feeling of being trapped on Earth
is such an old feeling
that many Spirits have come to accept it as permanent,
but it is not.
The question to release from this "trap"
is the question of willingness to face the denials
that have been going on for so long on Earth.
.....
Memory loss is only an illusion,
denial keeps it this way.
........
This denial within the self is
the reason
that the full memory of everything you have experienced
is not at present in a recognizable form in your daily
consciousness.
But these memories are there, none the less.
You will see
how it all fits together as soon as you start recognizing
the present denials in yourself,
because many of them are directly connected
to the original loss of power
to come and go From Earth at Will.
Everything involved in this experience
is what you need to remember
to understand
why the Will on Earth has been so denied and undermined.
Original Cause [s.
the Second Book of Right Use of Will]
goes back even farther than Earth,
but Earth is a necessary beginning for remembering.
Dec.
2001,
Immanuel & Efrat moved back from Shoham to Kfar Wradim in
the Galilee: sunset above the neighboring Druze village Yanukh.
Today I'll skip quoting from Right Use
of Will.
I need the space for photos, which exemplify today's Learning
to Live.
1951, school, I'm the one behind, with the braids, to the left
is Barbara,
who in 2003 paid for my laptop and Internet connection in Noah's
Cave
Oct. 1999:Last play on the organ, before
I've to bequeathe my bus to Tamir
The strain in my face exemplifies the
strain of almost all my life's playing
The present
keyboard [bought 1999] next to Mona's painting of me at the
piano (1982)
January 1989, Immanuel
and his friends play and sing in my
bus
then parking south of Herzliya above the Sea
It's not
your work to make anything happen.
It's your work to dream it and let it happen.
Law of Attraction will make it happen.
In your joy, you create something,
and then you maintain your vibrational harmony with it,
and the Universe must find a way to bring it about.
That's the promise of Law of Attraction.
Inner listening
is an important step in the process of Right
Use of Will,
but is difficult and nearly impossible to find in an atmosphere of judgment. Judgment
release is necessary
to allow the misunderstandings
that judgments
hold rigid
to move and clear the space for inner listening.
Judgments
see the situation as unable to change. Judgments
always carry a denial of some sort,
and what the judgments
have denied is usually seeking acceptance,
in order to clear itself
because it does not feel good
to be a denied part of the self.
In most people there has been an ongoing conflict
between the judgments
and the denied truth
which has made inner listening impossible without the
use of control.
Here meditation can be very helpful for listening
and improving receptivity.
For me meditation
is not helpful at all. It is loaden with "discipline"
and "control"...
Health
is not often achieved
in a background of clamor
that is in conflict about what to do or how to do it
or what others will think of it, etc.
Habits aren't easily released
in this atmosphere either
because the Body's voice can be lost in the ruckus.
The practice of listening to everything
in you
is necessary to align all the parts of the being
by ending the denials
that have perpetuated the lack of alignment.
Learning to listen does not require meditation
but it can definietly help
if you are having trouble listening to yourself.
Listening also needs to go
beyond the self
by opening to hear more and more
until you can hear everything in Creation.
The whole yin aspect of man is needing
to be understood
as an evolving aspect of Creation.
It is not just actions that must evolve;
understanding and receptivity must evolve
also.
The yin aspect of man's development has been proceeding
with a maximum of imbalance.
East and West,
feminine and masculine,
intuition and thought,
feeling and reason,
nature and man
are still seen as adversaries by many people.
2002_03_02
-painting of Itamar, born 1998_02_24
This was one of the first images, inserted
in a verbal sculpture on Healing-K.i.s.s. in pp33
Greatness, and together with Tomer's Tear in pp54
Lights Way to dwell in Hell
In pp33 see my talk with Arnon, then 6! What woundrous synchronicity
today!
Itamar's painting and Arnon's
title "Color Land"
reflect the last passage ofthe last book "INDIGO
The Search for TRUE UNDERSTANDING and BALANCE":
"My
Light...is not ... so intense that you cannot open your
eyes in the daylight,
but soft, loving and deliciously wonderful.
It is the Will's colors rising to meet Me
in the gentle pastels of a purple dawn,
gentle breezes stirring
in a beautiful, blue sky,
morning like sunlight
coming down through the green trees
and subsiding with me
into the gentle golden evenings
of the Will's deep colors
when We need to rest;
the Moon rising, first golden
and then white,
in the star sprinkled, indigo night
and subsiding into the excitement
of another pastel morning,
colorfully rising,
stirring you to return from your dreams,
as you are nestled
in the arms of romantic heart,
to find them real
and dance again with the Sun
in the warm encouragement
and rich abundance
of a nurturing and colorful Earth
that lets you know life is good
and you can live it.
There is music and excitement in the air!
Can you hear and feel it yet?
I would like to close with Amen,
to that!
AMEN
Indigo:
On the page
before the last:
Heart
needs to feel the terror in the Mother
and the rage in the Father
come to a balance point between the two
in order to feel heart presence
come to the balance point within itself.
This is necessary to heal the problems We have had.
...
When you notice what your own flash point is,
it is usually from not feeling received.
Feeling received is a necessary part of love.
It completes the full circle of giving out and receiving
back
when the reflection returns.
We all need someplace to go with Our vibration,
and that is it what it is all about:
giving OURselves some place to go with Our vibration ...
where We are received
with love and without judgment;
when that is real,
that is a place that really feels good...
[click
on the last of the 8
sound-buttons and listen to the last lines]
March
11 , 2010, Thursday, [Since
there is no slideshow of tiny images connected to the date on
the computer at Shoham
the regular right-frame "morning-composition" yesterday
was the last on Healing-K.i.s.s...]
Yesterday's group
e-mail from "Go-Gratitude"
founder Stacey Robin, opened with: "What's the first thing you notice
when you are enjoying a State of Gratitude? Give
yourself a deep breath, relax the eyes
and feel the warmth of an awakened Heart glowing inside.
This is what I notice, what happens for me.
Perhaps you experience something similar, too?
Maybe a wholly unique set of experiences unfolds
when you are living in a state of
Gratitude."
MARCH 12,
2010,
SHABBAT-EVE
How will Healing Feeling beget
Full-Filling?
For
this last verbal sculpture I have 12 kilobytes left to
reach 13 megabytes,
the maximum "weight" for a page according to the
rules of my website game. You, God, are my witness
to what I'll cease
to manifest and to what I'll manifest instead:
I'll no longer sculpt on my website feeling the kind of pressure,
the feeling of inadaquacy, of not being able to achieve my goal,
which I always felt before writing an essay or exam at
school,
before delivering a paper or my Ph.D.
thesis at the university,
before composing a document for "Partnership"
or -from 1988 to 2006-
for realizing my "Vision
of Peace through Desert-Hosting-Economy"
This means:
I shall be aware of, accept and vibrate, i.e. breathe-move-sound
the terrifying
fear, yes the terror,
that I might feel lack of zest-full-ness and lack of full-fill-ment!
My patterned need to feel full-fill-ment
rushes me to action & teaching
instead of letting myself feel and vibrate the lack of full-fillment
& zest
and thus letting come towards me pathes
to zest-fullness & fulfillment
which may be richer than what I create through goals-plans-discipline.
This also means:
that I'll no longer drown in the
inundation of ideas- for-creating!
So often I'm inspired by an idea, but
then make a chore out
of it!
This
also means,
that I let go of the belief, that it's through
actions & teachings,
that I shall manifest my
desires for humankind and for Creation: accepting-myself
& being
"parental" towards
All that happens! I watched, how I was sculpting the
quotes from Right Use of Will:
Though I only chose what was relevant for me:
None of the quoted info was new to me! I'm applying it all.
So why did I bother to insert it here?Because of the belief,
that it's important for others...
Ceasing to sculpt systematically
also means:
I'll let go of goals, plans, actions that cause me constant
time-pressure
= my dis-ease- "haespeqitis" (le-haspeeq
=to get something done until a dead-line)
The
belief has been so far:
since I know what I can do to prevent feeling unfulfilled, I
must do it.
Since I learnt what will make me feel zest-full and full-filled,
I'll do it.
And this is right in general.
But if the zest to do something gets infested with all those
dictators,
those judgments, beliefs, habits, chronic patterns, unhealed
feelings,
then doing - including teaching - by words or by website sculptures,
is not what makes me free and whole, ~ is not what heals Creation!
From now on I shall enjoy
my ideas, I shall delight in my desires,
even if they will not fall into ground, grow, blossom and bear
fruits! I'll play
- for the sole purpose - to enjoy and therefore love myself.
as I am still granted to learn from watching Mika's
Heaven-on-Earth.
This is the appointed day of another
"Lekh-Lekhâ" - "Go-to-yourself" into freedom,
but this time on the inner plane.
March 13, 1951: a compassionate class-mate, who saw me victimized by
my "friend" proposed friendship to me!
March 13, 1994: "You must accept, that we are not equal, and that
it's me, David, who
is following you, Rachel...!"
March 13, 2009: An "accidental" encounter
in the Desert with David & Eilat made our separation in 1999 f
i n a l .
March 13, 2010 - April 9, 2010 From
now on I shall enjoy my ideas, I shall delight in my desires,
even if they won't fall into ground, grow, blossom and bear fruits!
I'll play for the
sole purpose - to enjoy and therefore love myself.
as I was granted to learn from observing
Mika's Heaven-on-Earth.
This is my way to heal myself into wholeness
- and as a hologram
ALL of CREATION!
This is my Inte-GRATION
We are one when dancing with the mountains
We are one when singing in the wind
We are one when thinking of each other
More than partners
much more than pieces
more than friends
!
free 
of
WILL 
2002_03_02
-painting of Itamar, born 1998_02_24
