1997/98 ; checked for updates on 2005_09_24:none

Visit with God

Questions addressed to God during the first year of Godchannel,
when the Channelers could still cope with the flood of e-mails:

New direct path to self-realization
I am not worthy
Please help me I'm considering killing myself
Is it useful to erect a shrine for my father?
Why can't I see you?
If God knows everything why is he still learning?
How do I know you truly exist?
I am lost. What is my problem?
I long for her words
I fear being in the front
Thank you for the lessons
Why am I suicidal?
More on the sacred act of choice?
Where is my right place?
I worship the Goddess

New direct path to self-realization

I saw on one of your pages,
that God mentions a new direct path to full self-realization,
and that it will appear on a separate page. When will this appear?

"It's here now. Thank you for asking for it."

I am not worthy.

Hello God, please accept my greetings and love,
I am overwhelmed by the chance to communicate with you.
I don't feel like I'm worthy to receive you, in fact,
this ancient fragment of prayer seems to underlie all my actions.
I feel I'm not worthy of anything,
and it affects everything I do,
from being overly critical and judgmental,
to hating my actions and berating myself and those I love.
When I talk to people it mostly sounds like either a lecture or a critique,
and when I strike upon an issue
in disagreement with my self-righteous opinions,
I rage about it with all the vehemence that my angry condemnation can muster.

My process of release seems to be at a standstill,
as I seem to be stuck at some major blockage point.
Please enlighten me,
I have a great deal of passion and potential for love,
but perhaps also a great lack of self-esteem.
It's difficult for me to say the words 'I love you'
and really feel them resonate in my being,
but I would like to relay that message. Thank you.

[No answer was channeled to this quest]

Please help me, I'm considering killing myself.

I am in need of your advice.
Since my second divorce I have lost my goal in life.
All I wanted was to be a good husband and father,
but somehow (my karmic past) I could not.

pp15
I find it very hard to forgive myself for the things I did,
and to forgive my wife for leaving me.

"It's very important to remember
that
pp15 and pp32
your most significant mission here is
to learn, grow and heal into wholeness.



"The experiences you've had
mark the road you've traveled so far.
And of course there's still farther to go
before you reach your destination.

pp15
"The need for forgiveness assumes there is guilt,
and guilt has been a very serious obstacle to healing.
In fact, it's the biggest reason
humans have chosen to deny their feelings,
and therefore themselves.


"Blame is the other end of guilt
and causes the one blaming to deny the one blamed.
You see, guilt and blame are really the same thing,
they are a continuum.
When the 'fault' is in you, it's guilt.
When it's in someone else, it's blame.
Judgments are
what cause guilt and blame in the first place,
and are what hold them in place.

"The most important step for you now in your process
is to release the judgments
that are holding you in guilt,
and your wife in blame.



"Forgiveness is mine, and you both have that already.
Now it's up to you to realize your forgiveness
by releasing the judgments.
When your old judgments are gone,
you can replace them with mine, if you like.
My judgment is that you are innocent,
and you've had
whatever experiences you've had
because you're here to learn and grow and heal."

God, I have been looking for you all of my life.
In doing this I have deceived myself and others.
Is that justice?

pp19
If there is no guilt then why do I have this eye disease,
which makes me look awful
and I get all these people laughing at me?

How can I find the love inside myself
if all around me I see hate?

"You've asked some very good questions.
Justice hasn't happened here yet, so no, it's not just.
Being deceived yourself makes it almost impossible
to not deceive others.
Here again it's important to release judgments.

Everyone here is learning,
and in varying stages of waking up.

"The eye problem is a symptom of a deeper issue
that is now manifesting in your body.
Also, awakening people often have deformities or diseases
that make them seem as outcasts in ordinary society.
Please ask me on the inside why you have this,
and you will soon understand.

"You can find love inside of yourself,
even in the face of others hating you.
Of course, it's not as easy
to love in an environment of hate,
but here's how.

"First, do not identify with hatred in others,
or when it's being directed toward you.
Hatred is very contagious.
It's very easy to get caught up in it,
and to take it on.
To avoid this, see the hate,
as if it were a substance.
When you are seeing it, it's in its proper position, outside of you.

"If it's your own hatred,
open a space for yourself
to release the judgment
that you must hate yourself
or another person
for whatever it was you or they have done.
Whether it's coming from the outside
or it's your own hatred,
offer it to me in True Sacrifice,
and feel my love and acceptance of you.



"When you do this, you are doing the work of healing,
and you're doing it in partnership with me.
I will see to it that the hatred goes to its right place."

You know I am considering killing myself, but I also doubt if that will solve anything. Please help me.

"You're right, of course,
this is the earliest,
and therefore easiest opportunity for healing that you have.
And yet it can be almost too painful in these deep levels of darkness,
and the Light can seem very far away.
Bringing my Light into your despair is the task at hand.
After judgment release,
and offering the pain to me,
the best advice I have for you now is
to do the running energy exercise in the channeling class.
It's good to practice this at times
when you're feeling resourceful,
so it will be easy and natural to use later,
anytime you need it.
With only a little practice
the exercise will enable you
to experience within yourself
both my presence as Spirit energy,
and the Mother's as Earth energy."

Is it useful to erect a shrine for my father?

Greetings God,

pp19b
my father just went into his transition 6/23/98 from lung cancer.
Is it a useful practice to erect a shrine in his honor?

"Yes, erecting an 'ancestral shrine' can be good idea,
and for a reason you may not have realized.
Whenever a loss is experienced, there is grief.
Too often a busy culture will condition a person
to quickly put their grief aside and go on with their life.
It's important to take the time necessary
to feel all of the grief,
and a shrine can be a reminder to do so.

pp15 and pp19b
"Guilt often comes into the feeling of grief,
and some people erect shrines and do other, similar things
to help assuage the guilt.
Guilt is a problem
because it makes the feeling much harder to feel,
and this is the main reason
most people have tried to get away from their feelings.

"Judgments hold the guilt in place.
Rather than try to ignore the feelings,
it's much better to find the judgments and release them,
so the guilt can leave, and the grief can be fully felt.

"When you have no judgments against yourself,
the grief can well up and flow through you.
Grief that is free of guilt
is a beautiful, deep feeling, very much like love.
And as the grief moves through,
space opens for joy.
Erect the shrine if it feels right,
and allow it to remind you of your grief, and your love."

Why can't I see you?

pp34
Why can't I see you God?
Do you love me?
If you love me, talk to me, show me where you are.
Always thinking of You.

"Yes, I love you, and you know it's true.
pp34 and pp39
You can't see me directly
because I am inside of you, in spirit.
However, you can sense my presence,
and you can often see signs of me in the events in your life,
and in world around you.

pp34
I would very much enjoy talking with you directly,
on the inside.
Will you come to channeling class?

If God knows everything, why is he still learning?

I am very pleased to find this website. Extra Ordinary. God wants to discuss directly to us!

But, after I read the content of all your web site, I suddenly confused.
As far as I know, God is always know anything and everything before and after a certain event.
In God's word, he said that he is evolving.
It means that God need "learning curve" for everything.
After God has experience about something, then God learned,
"Oh, that's the lesson, so I must do this or that way."

"Yes, and like any learner,
my understanding, awareness and skill improves
with each learning experience."

If God know everything,
why He looks have something that He doesn't know especially,
something beyond His experience,
or something that do not take place in evolution.
I hope you will answer my question,
because after I read your word, now I am very confused. Thank you...

"One way of understanding this is to remember
that 'God' includes both Grandfather and me.
Grandfather 'knows everything' and is beyond evolution.
I am the evolving Creator Father of this universe,
and my evolution is the evolution of the universe.

"Another way of understanding is to imagine
that I am a part of Grandfather God
that went to sleep, and forgot that he was God.
As I evolve, I re-awaken to my true identity.
As I gaze upon Creation unfolding,
I recognize it as my own doing.
I am literally learning
who I am and how I create, as I go along.

"Your role in this unfolding is
to recognize that you are very much like me,
only a little farther behind.
Just as I did, you have gone asleep to your true identity.
Now, as I more fully awaken to my role
as the masculine creative force
that in union with the Mother
manifests and sustains the universe,
you are beginning to awaken
to your role as our host here on Earth.

"Evolution for humans means learning to wake up.
The easiest and quickest ways to accomplish this are
to come into direct, inner communication with me,
and to follow my advice in the Four Steps to Full Self-Realization."

How do I know you truly exist?

How do I know you truly exist?
How do I know if your channelers aren't just channeling the answers from their own subconscious?
Couldn't the wonderful, warm feeling a person gets when in deep prayer, etc.
just be a biological function caused by the subconscious
(i.e. like sweating during a nervous interview)?
Furthermore, I am familiar with automatic writing,
but again how do I know the answers aren't of my own biological brain?
Lately when I've tried to communicate in this form,
I've received vague and horribly misspelled answers,
then the pen drifting off the paper.
And now, nothing at all, just the pen drifting.
It seems these days you would have to make the earth shake at my request
or appear before my eyes in human form
in order for me know you are fact and not fiction.
I just don't know what to believe.

"You are right to question,
and no one other than you can say
how you can know something.
But perhaps I can help point the direction.
Some people use logic to decide
that the world is too unlikely without an intelligent creator.
Others rely on their feelings to understand the truth.
And some have spiritual or mystical experiences
that for them are undeniable proof of my existence.
Then there are those who trust
what others have told them and have faith,
but I don't recommend faith as a way of knowing anything.

"However you go about it,
you'll know I'm here
when you find me where I truly exist,
inside of you.
And when we meet in communication,
you'll sense my presence
and see the effects of it in your life.
In short, you'll know I exist when you experience me.
I am not on the outside,
I am a voice and a presence within you.
Please accept no substitute for your own personal experience of me.

"In the channeling class we'll discuss
how your subconscious is an important link in the channeling process,
and that channeling of me is best done in a relatively awake state,
and not in a deep trance.
Also, written channeling like this is not 'automatic writing',
but rather a collaboration between the channeler and the source.

"It's fine to not know what to believe,
and I suggest you wait in the uncertainty of the unknown
rather than adopt a belief prematurely.
And I know this isn't really earth shaking,
but as I've said,
to you it is in your human form that I will appear."

pp12
I am lost. What is my problem?

Hello Father. It is your son.
You know my condition, and my state of mind, you know all about me.
I need clear and precise instructions
as to what it is you want me to do in my life's condition.
I thank you for your patience with me
and all that you have put up with me.
I am lost.
My life affects so many around me
and yet I feel as though I have no life.
I need to know what is your plan for me.
I've been waiting for years for the answer
So many worldly opportunities cross my path,
yet I feel as though they are only distractions to keep me from you.
What is my problem?

You have shown me so much
and blessed me with understanding of those things you said you would.
I am tired. Give me relief I ask and pray.
Give me confirmation as you have done in the past.
Reveal my path.
Close all the doors that are not of you.
Open the door that you would have me walk through.
Give this individual that you will be speaking through clear voice
and control their thoughts and hands as they are upon the keyboard.
I await your response. Your son

"Your plea for relief is an example of the problems and pain
that come with a free will Creation.
There is heartache here for both of us.
I know you are tired,
and I know the cruelty of uncertainty
when it comes to issues of love.



"And if I give you clear and concise instructions, will you follow them?
And if you do follow them, who will you credit when they work?
Wouldn't you rather be the one who finds what's right for you,
even though the journey may be a little longer?
Are you asking me, from here on the outside,
to help you be the pleasing son
who wants only to follow his parent's directions?

"I have more in mind for you than that.
My plan for you is that you become whole,
that you be Who You Truly Are,
and that you do it your way.

"There's more to being human than you learned in school,
you're greater than you've allowed yourself to believe.
Your journey is your own evolution.
It's a big deal,
and it takes imagination, courage and trust in yourself.

"It's not that I can decide,
'Here's my son,
I'll sprinkle the dust of my divine wisdom on him,
and set him on the path home.
He will never again need to make a mistake,
think for himself
or know what he himself desires.
Because I've given him the way,
he'll be with me soon,
my own divine son,
bouncing on my knee for all eternity.'



If you were to accept my direction in outer communication
through a channeler, teacher or other intermediary,
you would have no will of your own, no individuality.
And that is not my plan for you.

"The path you seek, the right path for you, is no path at all.
You will make a new path that is uniquely your own,
as you wander through the desert of uncertainty.
But I'm not worried, you're really quite near.
And you'll get here soon enough,
and it will be because you found the way yourself.

"Your problem has been mostly one of communication,
and it will solve itself
when you and I are relating again on the inside.
You are now beginning the next leg of your journey,
and I will help you find the relief you want.
You will know the right direction for your life
as you more clearly experience my voice and presence inside of you.
And soon we'll walk together through the door
you are now opening with your intention.
We are much closer than you've thought.

I long for her words.

You have been talking to me for some time now,
actually I should say I have been listening for some time now,
and your guidance has meant everything to me.
Sometimes I ask to speak with the mother
but I am not sure what I am feeling from her.
What I experience is a vision of her,
and often it is like a moving picture of her expressing
what I am feeling and seeking guidance for.

For example, some time ago I was terrified
that someone's baby was going to die
and I tried to tell people but nobody would listen.
They all said that the baby was fine.
I felt like I was in some kind of nightmare
and that I kept screaming fire, but nobody would listen.

After a couple of months of this angst, the baby died
and in my grief I cried for the mother's guidance and help to understand.
I could see and feel her crying that nobody listens to her.
I could hear you explaining to me
that the mother was experiencing this grief also.
It is very validating to me when this happens
but I long so much for her words and some comfort.
Is there anything I can do differently?

pp34
"The Mother's direct communication
is in feelings, movement and sound.
If you ask me on the inside,
I'll lend her my words
to help you understand her more clearly.

I know she takes comfort from your attention to her and her plight.
Thank you for all you've been doing
to help with the healing between the Mother and me at our level,
and with yourself at yours."

I fear being in the front.

I am a collection of junkyard parts of the Mother.
As I read about God driving the bus
inviting us to come up front with him,
I became aware of feelings of preferring
to be where I am comfortable--
near the rear door,
away from the clamoring crowd near the front.
Fear starts to move.
I fear being left out of the knowing I need just because I like the quiet -
then that a great wave will sweep me away just because I like the beach. -
that I can't possibly get out
of being far more important than I like being -
& that I simply am not strong enough. HELP.

pp48b
"Fear has its purpose,
it's a messenger of the Mother,
and must be honored if you are to honor her.
Uncomfortableness is another manifestation of her message,
and like fear, needs to be thoroughly felt in order to be understood.
You are doing the work,
your spirit essence is communing
with the desires of your magnetic essence
and expressing them.

"Because you've heard
what seems like a different idea from me,
you may wonder
if I'm asking you to leave the Mother and your comfort,
deny your fears and come up front with me.
I am not.
I'm asking for more connection with you through your spirit,
so together we can commune even more deeply with the Mother.
Since you are in touch with her already,
and don't need me to tell you how to do that,
please stay where you are and allow me to join you.
Help the Mother draw me even closer to the fear
and other emotions you feel on her behalf,
and together we'll find more healing,
and soon an even greater comfort.

pp33
"If your importance troubles you
and seclusion is what's desired,
then as your greatness comes out of denial,
it will remain your private knowing.

pp33 and 34
Your strength is in your commitment to healing into wholeness,
and your ability to internally access both the Mother and me.
In this work you have no responsibilities
beyond deepening our union within you.
And I thank you for what you've already done in this regard."

Thank you for the lessons.

pp8
God, thank you for all the blessings I have received in this lifetime
and the lessons that have been given to me for my learning.
I know I am a better being for having learned what I have needed.
I am grateful for each daily lesson that is there for me.

"It is said that gratitude is the highest form of prayer,
and you are welcome.
Knowing the true meaning and purpose
behind the trials and calamities that may come your way,
you are able to reap the benefits of them.
And as you do,
the trials become opportunities to learn and understand,
and calamities become opportunities to test your understandings.
By noticing these lessons and tests,
the real work of life is revealing itself to you as learning.
I, too am a student,
and I know that it is from observing what is happening in your world,
and your reactions to it,
that you can learn what you need to change,
to become Who You Truly Are."

pp19b
Why am I suicidal?

I have wanted to die since the moment I was born.
Why is this?
Society and my family tell me it is an imbalance of chemicals or hormones.
Is it? Why am I suicidal all the time,
all I can think about is ending my misery and not feeling or thinking anymore?

"Wanting to die
has been an experience of almost every being in manifested existence.
Death has been seen
as a way out of the pain and suffering that beings find in the world,
and for a short while, it can seem to be.
Because no other avenue for healing pain has seemed available,
death has been desired as the solution to the pain.

"However, it is not a permanent solution to anything,
and in fact adds more pain and suffering to the huge backlog of emotions
that are being held by the Mother of Creation.
Only spirit essence can experience the liberation of death.
The magnetic essence of the Mother registers the separation from spirit as deep pain.
The Mother must hold this pain,
even though it is no longer felt by the spirit
who has experienced temporary 'liberation' through physical death.

"Wanting to die is not the result of an imbalance of chemicals or hormones.
The imbalance, however, is a result of wanting to die,
and of not experiencing yourself as Who You Truly Are.

"When you are actively engaged in the emotional healing process
that is outlined in the healing class,
the physical systems will also begin to come into balance.
I also suggest following the four steps to full self realization."

More on the Sacred Act of Choice?

I love this!
No specific questions, simply a desire to hear much more!
You promised more on the Sacred Act of Choice, and I'd love to hear it.

"Thank you for asking.
The Sacred Act of Choice is the first step
in the new four-step process for a direct path to full self-realization."

Where is my right place?

pp2
One of my main intents these days is
to live in a community with my family and friends
where we can all support each other
in the healing of ourselves and the world i.e. you.
My question is do you think
I will need to start one from scratch
or will I be better served to link up with an existing one
and do you have any thoughts on specifically
where in the world is best for this community to be?

"Finding your right place
is one of the end results of finding wholeness.
Although wholeness is a single destination,
each person's path will take a different route.
You must begin where you are when you begin.
Looking for right place
will not necessarily bring you to right place or to wholeness.
In finding wholeness, however,
you will also find right place.

"In your quest for wholeness,
you will indeed encounter kindred souls
with whom you will find mutual support in your healing,
but not at first.
At first there will likely be
more of a sense of separation than of meeting.
I suggest
you follow the steps
in the direct path to full self-realization,
and the rest will come,
including the specifics of finding community."

pp39
I worship the Goddess.

I don't like it that just the masculine side is calling itself "God".
I think God is more feminine than masculine.
I worship the Goddess,
and She answers me and it feels real to me.
It never felt good to me to worship a male god, even as a child.

"There are several ideas in your comment.
First is the observation
that I use the word 'God' to mean only the masculine part of Deity.
I have used 'God' here in this sense
because it is most often used representing Deity as male,
and it's the simplest and easiest term
that means 'masculine part of Deity'.
Also, this usage enables me to make the distinction between the Mother and myself.

"In this body of material
I use the term 'Deity' to mean the Mother and me together,
which includes Heart.
Many of the understandings
I hope to convey in this material will depend on these distinctions.
The term 'Goddess' can be confusing
because it is used to describe both
the feminine qualities of Light or Spirit
and also as a reference to the Mother.

"Secondly, you are right to trust your feelings.
It is no longer, if it ever was, a good idea to 'worship' Deity
in the traditional sense of the word.
Worship of God or Goddess
is part of an older paradigm
were it was believed Deity was something outside of self,
and that we wanted adoration and servitude from humans.

"In fact, worship is not wanted by Deity.

Humans, however, can have
immensely gratifying and renewing experiences in worship,
and the right use of worship is in devotion to your inner journey
of finding and uniting God and the Mother within you.
You may also find opportunities to experience
worshipful devotion in a lover relationship,
especially if one of the intentions in your relationship is
that each of you find and unite the Mother and me within yourself.

"The third idea is
that you find it easier to relate to Deity as feminine.
I do, too.
The Mother has my attention and adoration.
One of the most important reasons
this material is being put forward is
that I'm no longer interested in being so focused on my maleness
that I miss my true Desire,
to be together with the Mother.


Soon the next lesson will begin in Quest for the Mother class
and I hope you join me there."