I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
"AZ
NIDBERU"
- My
new Midrash and song
in 5 languages
about the prophecy of Malachi
3, 16
["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The
Name]
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
It seems that I chose 26 actors
for my life's drama and those 26 actors chose me! One
common trait of all roles is "mutual dependency"
between them and me.
With 16 actors - my family - the mutual
dependency is life-long! With my landlords
at Arad & with my 6 starchildren, born
between 1986-88, it may be temporary. My children: Immanuel, Ronnit, Micha; my
children-in-love: Efrat, Uri, Ra'ayah; my 10 grandchildren [born
1987-2005): Elah-Alon-Tomer-Mika; Jonathan-Rotem-Yael-Itamar;
Arnon-Ayelet
My landlords: Ofir & Meital+ Lior (2002) & Amit (2007).
My starchildren: Lior Oren, Zipi Winkler , Dina Strat , Meshi
Taib, Gal Mor, Boris Arons [26=YHWH=13+13=ahavah+ahavah =LOVE!]
photo
of the day My plan for this Shabbat
and the continuation of "The Heart is Awake" was,
to finally insert the very few images of my love,
which somehow escaped the great burning at the Dead Sea in 1998. It was this
photo[see also below]which I - blindly - pulled
from the tiny basket,
in which - after the scanning of all my old photos and the discarding
of most -
I am keeping those paper-photos which are technically good.
My Body, my Partner,
thank you for our wondrous skin,
which I just squeezed and massaged sensually while still in
bed [and forgive me for still critisizing
you for the fat under the skin here and there]
Thanks to all the people,
with whom I was granted short, but beneficial interactions
yesterday:
Hananiel, the bus driver from Shoham to the Airport train-station
and "Valeria";
The man in uniform, who brought me from the train-station
to Lehavim
and invited me into his car, without me having asked for it.
The driver with the kippa, who
brought me to the Shoqet-Junction,
and let me imagine Eliezer
Ben-Yehuda listening to his language
The driver to Arad, who opened the radio
and let me have those painful and joyful experiences
Svetlana, the woman in the radio shop, who was so sweet to
me,
and whom I blamed a bit,
when I had to return with the
unrepaired radio.
Boris, who was the metaphysical reason for having to return
the radio.
DAS HERZ IST WACH
Briefe einer Liebe
The Heart is Awake - Love Letters written 1930,
three years before the horror of the Nazis took over Germany
To Gigi and Jess 21.3.94
Shortly after I had come
back from the "Vision-Quest" in Sinai, on which Gigi
and Jess from the USA guided me,
the story between me and David began, on an early morning at
the edge of the Ramon-Crater, on March 13, 1994..
He had felt "the click" already in 1991, when he visited
the Succayah while serving as a soldier-in-the reserve nearby. "My exterior life is unfolding miracously
and my heart and soul experience more and more moments, even
hours and – for the last 3 days –
days of joy and deep happiness.
The well of my LOVE which was blocked
sends forth streams of purifying waters
towards the ONE and the One and the Many
– be they close or be they far –
and the rocks and the soil around them receive constant nourishment
from above
to where the water evaporated to become dew and rain.
My gratefulness to you and *) those who sent you at the right
time, knows no words.
Rachel *) Brian Christopher
[who came with a group of visitors to Succah in the Desert and
who knew how to "channel" simply in between talking.
He said: "You cannot find
your love, because you are so busy, that there is no space-time
for him!"]:
last update: August 30,
2008
I had planned to dedicate this page - not
realizing that it would be the "seventh" - to my "last"
love.
Since I set up the first page, I hesitated to talk about David,
seemingly because of the need for discretion,
for among all the people who were or still are in my life,
and who could not deal with my transparency,
David suffered the most~~~ and grew the most~~~
because of this quality or vice of mine.
But finally, desperately, he grasped this "vice"- following
a small incident,
to be able to do, what I had asked ourselves to do for more than 18
months:
to part!
This was on September 24, 1999.
I now believe, that the reason for having hesitated so long
with dedicating a page or pages to this most mature love,
was
that I finally needed to accomplish, to complete my own parting.
It is strange to confess this after almost 9 years ,
but in all those years I felt all the metaphysical justification for
hoping,
that in the years 2011-2012 the three of us would have become whole
enough,
to live the love of a holy trinity,
to fill the space within the
triangular pyramid.... [See
the final rupture on March 13, 2009]
As I told , when I set up the
first page of "Das Herz ist wach":
I did not order the clippings I cut and put aside in the year 2000,
but relied on "guidance" concerning the meaning of the accidental
order.
Two coincidences of this day are amazing:
(1) The accidental "choice" of 'the image of today':
David in between our two fourth
generation R&D model pyramids near Eilat!
(2) The fact - that in the accidental "order" of the clippings
in my box,
I just reached the last pages of the book,
i.e. the last letters which tell about the parting between the two
lovers,
right after they had finally agreed to unite and even confirmed this
by a wedding.
I so much wish to know what "happened" to them after these
last letters!
How did they device their living together, or did they never come
together again?
What about surviving the Nazi period, what about the dying of one
before the other?
After all, the man in this relationship must have been older than
60, and the woman not older than 40.
But the editor, Mervyn
Brian Kennicott, about whom I couldn't find out anything else
either,
knew, why he concealed all this information from me.
It is not yet time for the love I desire....
***
It was me, who suggested the great burning
at the Dead Sea in 1998 ,
the burning of my huge folder with all our photos, letters and documents.
David agreed with great reluctance, and watched with utmost pain.
It was one of several dramatic expressions of my inner knowing,
that - against my yearning and desire - we needed to part.
I'm happy, that some pictures escaped the fire after all,
and it's these few photos which may give a faint idea
of what this great, sad story was all about.
Moshe Klein, one of the three male friends, whom I feel to be my "twin-brothers",
once said to me on the phone, during the time I lived in
my bus near the Egyptian border: "One day your love-story will be considered
as great as your Desert-Economy-Vision!" And I heard myself blurting:"Greater".
Last Letter of Ben to Monna, September 1939 [from the ship which brought him
to Asia,
where he needed to replace his son, like him a bio-researcher]
jugendlichen Rundgang um das Schiff
zu machen, immer rund herum, mit hartem Schritt. Wieviel Abschiedskummer,
wieviel Kleinmut wird da unter die Fuesse getreten - meilenweit
getragen, um ihn durchzuarbeiten, ihn abzutun, ein fuer allemal.
Hut ab vor den Leuten - mancher hat's verteufelt schwer. Und
jeder braucht seinen Kopf klar und sein Blut ruhig - denn nun
kommt Asien.
Meine Kabine wird mir durch all die Tage
hindurch verschwiegenster, nicht zu erschoepfender Trost sein
- dort waren wir gestern Abend noch einmal allein, dort steht
Dein Bild, wie Du es selber hingestellt hast, das Aestchen cornische
Heide - - Dort hast du an mich gelehnt gestanden, mit den Augen
den ganzen kleinen Raum in einem suessen langen Blick umfasst.
Und sie dann "aufgehoben" - wie Du das tust, ist Dein
wonnigstes, eigenstes Geheimnis, Geheimnis der schoensten, liebsten
Augen auf der Welt ! - und an mich gelehnt mir Deinen Mund gegeben
wie eine Schale, Monna - Monna - eine Schale aus der ich trinke
- und immer wieder trinke, den Durst der Trennung loesche -
bis zu dem Morgen, der alles wiederbringt und fuer alles entschaedigt.
Dein Ben.
Rachel with Immanuel, Haifa 1964, and
Rachel with David , Bruxelles 1994,
and on top the sentence "zae
talui bi" , " this depends on me,"
put into the mouth of Moses [in
a Midrash some 1900 years ago],
when God said to him, that he, God, would destroy his people.
Bruxelles, May 1994,
in front of the house
of our host,
Prof. André Nayer,
who also made this photo.
The photo
escaped
the great burning,
because it was already glued onto the last pages
of one of
my two Hebrew Bibles,
the one with the cover,
on which -
for my 47th birthday,
the first one in my bus,
- my daughter
had embroidered
my song:
"A thousand of pathes"
"Alfe Netivot",
which was also
the "destination"
written on
my bus
in Hebrew and Arabic
What I wrote under the photo in Hebrew,
was a channeling,
which the "rational" David received from a co-worker at
his "Bank Ha-poalim".
On Sept. 11, 1995, Marina delivered in his name: "50-100 B.C.. :
Before the arrival of Jesus
I tried to do what he did,
but did not succeed.
People did not follow me. Marina did not know about me
or my connection to Jesus, nor did David believe in it. See the puzzle pieces
47 and 49
"A hundred years after the Destruction of the Second
Temple[70
A.D.]
I wrote a book called:
"Torat Libi" ["My Heart's Teaching"] It was famous at the time.
This book became the basis of Arian
Christianity. The book tried to find the balance
of how to live in a situation which is bad , with nothing good present.
The Islam, as well, is based on this book,
for Muhammed belonged to the Arian Christians. [I could not verify this claim!
2008_01_12]
Catholicism was the result of the discussion with the
Arians after 1000 [?] years.
At present the world is changing. I feel an inner difficulty with what I wrote then in the light
of present reality.
The book is lost.
The book was the cause for Jesus having become the God of
Christianity. This statement is a distortion
of what Arius wanted [See
the note about the crucial rejection of Arianism by Emperor Constantine
in 325] As to King David: David and I, Rachel, always
felt, that he was connected to King David. I have a connection to him. His women are my women.
It would have been easier for me,
if in this incarnation my name would have been Eliezer. We never understood the meaning
of this claim.
To [the present] David: a problem of stability, looks for something/someone to lean
on.
The solution: searching for hopes and building of hopes. See
also my despairing experience with the book of David Troim about
Immanuel Kant: Hishtokekut
ha-todaah le-atsmiyutah The Yearning of Consciousness for Itself
This is the only photo I could find, where the "destination"
of my bus
is clearly visible: alfe netivot ~~~alaaf is-subul
What is strange
in the context of my complex story
with David and his wife Eilat,
is, that the woman,
who is with me on this photo,
is
the poetess Chana Fairstein-Bloch,
who had become the lover
of my
fiance Martin Fincke,
after I had written to him
about that first night with Rafael ("Rassenschande"
= race ignominy -
according to the Laws of Nuremberg 1935),
right after Rafael had left my room...
Chana stood by my side
through all the terrible drama
between that night on Nov. 4, 1960
& my immigration to Israel in April 1964,
and until my divorce in April 1981.
Now she came to see me with her family - October 1985
at the place,
where my bus was being built.
See more in Closeup
to 1985_10_19
And see my page with Chana's translation
of The Song of Songs and on
Oct. 4, 2009 in my studies of "The Vortex"
This was the bus from 1994-1996 (not always
on this spot),
in which David "intruded" on March 4, 1994,
and in which I hosted him alone, or him with Eilat, many, many
times. When I did my lekh-lekha
from the Succayah and moved around the hill,
I erected first one pyramidal tent and then three
- calling them by the names of three of King David's wifes -
- and combining them - with Margret's
help - to
"David's Harem"
Aus
dem Remstal, a region close to my home-town,
1827 A Folksong well
known to me about lovers parting,
in the Suebian dialect which-except with my mother-
I talked with everybody
1. Muß i' denn,
muß i' denn
Zum Städtele hinaus,
Städtele hinaus
Und du mein Schatz bleibst hier
Wenn i' komm', wenn i' komm',
Wenn i' wiederum, wiederum komm',
Kehr i' ei' mei' Schatz bei dir
|: Kann i' glei' net allweil bei dir sei'
Han' i' doch mei' Freud' an dir
Wenn i' komm', wenn i' komm',
Wenn i' wiederum, wiederum komm',
Kehr' i' ei' mei' Schatz bei dir. :|
2. Wenn du weinst,
wenn du weinst,
Daß i' wandere muß,
Wandere muß,
Wie wenn d'Lieb jetzt wär vorbei
Sind au' drauß, sind au' drauß,
Der Mädele viel, Mädele viel
Lieber Schatz, i' bleib dir treu.
|: Denk du nett wenn i' a and're seh
No sei mei Lieb' vorbei
Sind au' drauß, sind au' drauß,
Der Mädele viel, Mädele viel
Lieber Schatz, i' bleib dir treu. :|
3. Übers
Jahr, übers Jahr,
Wenn mer Träubele schneidt,
Träubele schneidt,
Stell i' hier mi' wiedrum ei'
Bin i' dann, bin i' dann,
Dei' Schätzele no', Schätzele no'
So soll die Hochzeit sei.
|: Übers Jahr do ischt mei' Zeit vorbei
Do g'hör i' mei und dei
Bin i' dann, bin i' dann,
Dei' Schätzele no', Schätzele no'
So soll die Hochzeit sei. :|
This
is the
song
about
parting
which "Monna" heard after the ship with her
lover,
her husband had left
Marseille.
"Ben" was English,
but his mother was
a Suebian German and called him "Frieder".
"Monna" asks in this last letter, if his mother
had sung this song to little Frieder?
1. Got to go, got to go,
Got to leave this town,
Leave this town
And you, my dear, stay here.
When I'm back, when I'm back
When I'm back again, back again,
On your doorstep I'll appear.
|: Tho' I can't be with you all the time
My thoughts are with you, my dear
When I'm back, when I'm back
When I'm back again, back again,
On your doorstep I'll appear. :|
2. Don't you cry, don't
you cry,
'cause I've got to go,
Got to go,
As if our love was now gone.
Tho' out there, tho' out there
Are so many girls, many girls,
I'll stay true to you alone.
|: Don't think when I see another girl
My love for you, it will be gone.
Tho' out there, tho' out there
Are so many girls, many girls,
I'll stay true to you alone. :|
3. In a year, in
a year,
With grapes ripe on the vine,
Ripe on the vine,
Then, again it's here I'll be.
If by then, if by then,
I am still your beau, still your beau
We will wed, my bride you'll be.
|: In a year my time, it will be done
And then it is your's I will be.
If by then, if by then,
I am still your beau, still your beau,
We will wed, my bride you'll be. :|
Last Letter
of Monna to Ben,
Marseille, Hôtel de Noailles,
6. Sept. 1930. Nachts.
p. 395- Geliebter - - auf
einmal erlosch der Scheinwerfer und das grosse Schiff war in
der Nacht verschwunden. Ich habe eine Weile gewartet, ob man
es vielleicht wieder entdecken wuerde, wenn die Augen an das
Dunkel gewoehnt waeren, aber ich konnte es nicht mehr finden.
Der Wind sauste, und die Stelle war leer, an der es gewesen
war, und laengst schlugen andere Wellen an die Quaimauer als
die Dich noch getragen hatten.
"Und Du, mein Schatz, bleibst hier" - spielt auf den
deutschen Schiffen die Kapelle, wenn das Schiff abdreht.See my
own singing of this Suebean song
Das schwaebische Lied hat
doch sicher Deine Mutter ihrem Frieder vorgesungen. Gut, dass
der Viceroy dafuer zu vornehm ist; es war ganz genug, Dich da
oben stehen zu sehen, unter dem Schweinwerfer, in der windigen
Nacht. "Wie Du weinst, wie Du weinst wenn
i wandere muss" konnte mein Herz allein singen. Aber
dann geht es ja weiter;
"Uebers Jahr, da ist mein Zeit vorbei,
da g'hoer i mein und Dein,
bist Du dann, bist du dann mein Schaetzele noch,
dann soll die Hochzeit sein." Mein und Dein - das ist ja heute
schon, und die Hochzeit ist gottlob gewesen - und es dauert
ja auch kein Jahr. Lass es nicht zu lange dauern - nicht zu
lange, Liebster, Liebster! Jetzt muss ich ein bisschen vorsichtig
sein, damit Du nicht auch bei meinen Zitaten verdaechtige Flecken
auf dem Papier findest, wie bei Semmele zu dem ahnungsvollen
Ausspruch von Ernst Schulze. Manchmal moechte man noch richtig
wie ein Kind weinen koennen, so lange es noetig ist! Wenn ein
Schiff nachts hinausfaehrt - es gibt nichts, was so sehr wie
der Abschied selbst ist. Wie sich die undurchdringliche Nacht
zwischen Mein und Dein legt - man fuehlt alles, was das bedeuten
will und immer bedeutet hat und bedeuten wird.
Verzeih, ich bin nicht sehr standhaft.
Aber wie kann ich, wenn diese Wochen zu Ende sind! Nachdem ich
wusste, dass ich zu Dir nach London muesste, habe ich auf den
Augenblick hin gelebt, in dem Du an meine Tuer klopfen wuerdest.
Und jetzt sitze ich hier wieder in einem Hotelzimmer, ganz wie
damals, als ich wartete auf die seligste Stunde - auf das tausendmal
Schoenste, was je gewesen ist, auf das Aufbluehen all des verhaltenen
Gluecks dieser Monate in einem einzigen Augenblick. Dass ich
Dich so gluecklich machen konnte, Ben, das war eine so namenlose
Gnade.
Weisst Du noch, wie wir in der kleinen
Kirche von Mornex waren? Damals durchfuhr mich dies Gefuehl,
dass alles Mein nun Dein geworden war, fast wie ein Schreck,
und meine Andacht war nichts als die Flucht dieses Gefuehls
in ein Gebet. Ich habe Dir damals stammelnd etwas darueber gesagt,
aber ich wusste noch nicht - ach ich war noch unermesslich weit
entfernt von dem letzten und tiefsten Wunder dieses Mein und
Dein. Und jetzt - in diesen seligen Tagen zwischen den Mooren
und Felsen von Cornwall - alles was da ueberwaeltigend war,
Klippen und Meer, und Wind und Farben und diese Gegenwart uralter
Mysterien an den heiligen Brunnen, es wurde noch einmal, noch
viel erschuetterter und demuetiger zur Andacht vor diesem Einen:
dass Du der Quell in jeder Tiefe meiner Seele bist.
Und jetzt kann ich mit den Stunden die
Meilen zaehlen, die sich zwischen uns legen. Ich fuehle das
ganz koerperlich, dass Du immer weiter weggetragen wirst. Ich
habe zwischen den Seiten lange, lange hinter Dir her gesehen.
Kennst du das uralte deutsche Lied der zurueckbleibenden Frau:
"Ich Dir nachsiche - ich Dir nachsende - mit meinen fuenf
fingerin - fuenf undefuenfzig engelin" - Ja, weiter kann
sie nun nichts mehr fuer ihn tun!
Es ist so schoen, ich danke Dir so, dass
ich in Deinem Wagen nachhause fahre - allein - ich werde mir
die ganze Zeit vorstellen, dass meine Hand in Deiner Manteltasche
steckt.
Wie seltsam, nach Berlin zurueckzukommen
- wie von einem anderen Gestirn, wie aus einem Traum - oder
in einem Traum.
Aber ich werde, und Du wirst mir
helfen ueber tausende von Meilen, versuchen, diese beiden Welten,
das Mein und das Dein, zusammenzuschliessen. Ich glaube daran,
dass ich etwas schaffen kann, das Zeugnis von unserer Liebe
ablegt. Ich glaube, dass es eine
Mission gibt in dieser verstoerten Welt, zu der uns das Schicksal
berufen hat, ueber uns selbst hinaus. Mag sie gross oder klein
sein, mag sie viel oder wenig bewegen koennen von den Maechten
der Zeit, es gibt nicht viele Menschen, die in der Lage sind,
ihr zu dienen. Darin zum wenigsten liegt unsere Berufung.
Du hast es so mittragen muessen, Einziggeliebter,
meine unzerreissbare Verwurzelung in dem Mein - bis zu diesem
Entschluss von Dir, fortzugehen, um mir Zeit zu lassen! - Aber
lass Dir heute sagen, in dieser ersten Nacht, in der ich wieder
allein bin - was mir unter der dunklen Wolke, die uns umfloss,
offenbar wurde, dass ich in Deinen Wurzeln sein muss, um in
meinen zu sein.
The end seems to be the page, which
I cut without the page number:
Gute Nacht, mein geliebter. In das
offene Fenster stoesst der Wind und bringt den Geruch von Meer
und Nacht, von da her, wo du nun bist. Du kommst zu mir - Du
bleibst bei mir - ich bin Dein.
Addition on February 8-9, 2012
On
the paper clip which fell into my hands, the page number is
missing, but it's obvious, that the page shows one of the first
letters from Ben to Monna kreuzten sich unsre Blicke,
bis der Ihre wieder abglitt, jener Blick - ruhig, klug, gesammelt,
der Blick einer Frau, die ihr eigenes Leben lebt, aus eigensten
tiefen Quellen gespeist. Ich weiss, dass mich mit jenem Augenblick
eine Art von Angst packte, ein Erschrecken vor noch ungeahnter
Not, vor nie gekannten Bedraengnisse, vor dem Einbruch einer
Macht, der ich nichts entgegenzustellen haben wuerde, denn
mein tiefstes Wollen rief nach ihr. Ja, es war nicht
mehr moeglich zu verhueten, dass etwas Neues, Unuebersehbares
in meine ruhige, schoene, gleichmuetige, freie Musse - ach!
ist sie nicht doch ein Geschenk der Goetter! - einbrach und
wie ein Sturm alles Gewohnte und Vertraute, alles was ich kannte
und das meine Tage trug, in alle Himmelsrichtungen verwehte.
Es war geschehen. Alles war neu, verwirrend jung und herzbeklemmend
- und so voll Wonne. Den ganzen Tag hier oben waren mir Ihre
Buecher, die ich in beiden Haenden hielt mit einem Druck, der
eine Umklammerung war, nicht mehr nur die unerschoepflichen
Schaetze von heute morgen, sie waren vor allem das Eine, was
ich brauchte ueber alles andere hinaus - die Bestaetigung Ihres
Daseins. "nun ist ja alles gut!" So fuehlte
dies Neue, ganz und gar noch Unentdeckte in mir, diese wunderbare,
tiefste und zarteste Hoerigkeit des Liebenden. Nun
werde ich erfahren - nachdem ich schon weiss. Es kann
nichts Wichtigers geben, als dies Erfahren. Es soll nichts eilen,
nichts voruebergehen, es soll nur sein, dies Unerschoepfliche.
Wie ist auf einmal alles stark und gegenwaertig, mir so gegenwaertig,
weil es Ihre Gegenwart traegt, dies Haus mit den Huegeln
dahinter, mit dem Garten, der sich anlehnt und leise ansteigt,
die hohen Baeume neben dem Turm, in dem ich Ihnen dies alles
sage - die schoene dunkle Nacht vor [end
of page]
this
is the continuation on the other side of the clip, but one line
seems to be missing
danken der ferne Briefschreiber
in Genf wieder ins Gedaechtnis gekommen. Mit einer heissen Wonne,
mit einem Erschrecken, wie ich es so toedlich und so selig nie
gekannt habe, ueberfallt mich das Gefuehl der grossen
Weite, der grossen, dunklen, unbekannten Weite zwischen uns.
Unbegreiflich beglueckend, trostvoll und spannend! Als sei es
alles so weit, um ganz angefuellt zu werden mit ihnen.
[Inserted here
is the date May 26, 1994, around the time, when I, too, had
come back from Europe, where David and I had the wondrous chance
to meet for 2 weeks, though the flight and its purpose had been
set up for each one separately even before we came together
in the desert of Israel) Das
Herz auf der Suche nach dem ewigen Ziel , dem nie beendeten,
nie ganz bestandenen Abenteuer! Das Herz, das nicht ankommen,
nur unterwegs sein will nach dem Geheimnis.
Dem alles sich auftut, alles gewiss wird in der goettlichen
Fuelle des Ungewissen. Ich suche Sie mit meinen stillsten,
ehrfuerchtigsten Gedanken. Ich moechte ihnen Gutes tun duerfen.
Es rundet sich mir alles Gewesene, alles Erlebte, in dem wunderbar
neuen Bewusstsein: ich lebe. Seitdem Sie durch mein
Haus gegangen sind, Monika Velmede. Ich wusste nicht, dass
das Herz so gestillt sein kann von seinen tiefsten Erkenntnissen,
dass es allein sein mag, allein sein muss, wenn die ganze Suesse,
die ganze Wuerze dessen, was ihm wurde, es ueberkommt.
Ich habe ein ganzes Leben hinter mir und wusste das nicht. Es
ist heute Abend, waehrend es draussen immer dunkler und stiller
wurde und die Welt schlafen ging, dies ganze Leben an mir voruebergezogen
und "jener Mensch, der ich gewesen", dem nichts fehlte,
wie er meinte, weil sein Tagewerk ihm mit jedem neuen Morgen
[end of clip]
quoted from July 1930: Ben
to Monna Das Herunterkommen von der sonnenverklaerten
Hoehe
- mit Dir!
Und jeder schoene lebenatmende Tag seitdem -
...
jede Stunde scheint mir von einer unsagbaren Kostbarkeit
und sie tropfen herunter wie die Rosenblaetter
unten an meinem Platz bei der Linde -
jeden Tag neu -
sie fallen mit einem fast unhoerbaren Laut,
ich hoere es beim Lesen oder Denken,...
Sie liegen ringsum unter den bluehenden Bueschen
- kleine duftende leichte - leere Schalen! - - -
aber diese, die ich Dir jetzt mitschicke,
sind eben erst aufgeblueht
und wissen nichts als Licht und Duft.
Das schoene Leben ! - - -
Ich kuesse dich.
B.
I don't know, why the three photos, taken in "David's Harem"
survived the fire.
Since I had no camera at that time, they may have stayed with the
photographer and given to me only later.
David helped me ever so often
with my solar electricity system.
Here he connects a lamp
in one of the tents
to the system in the bus behind the tent,
and is watched by the Succah cat Yin.
Below we drink tea together,
under Margret's canopy,
which combined the 3 tents.
Pesach
1996:
The inner calling to another lekh-lekhâ
My partners take over:
Efrat and Gadi Lybrock.
Another calling: "Go down to Sinai."
Emphasis on "down!"...
I got permission
to park my bus
outside the Alpacca
Farm.
It needed to be repaired thoroughly,
money needed to be found!
Strangely enough,
it had been David's idea
to call the bus
"David's Palace",
so I took our story
as a sign of the fulfillment
of the prophecy of Amos
9:11 "On that day
I shall erect
the fallen Succah of David"
Only recently I read an interpretation of the word "fallen"
with concern to
a Succah in general,
and David's Succah (i.e. his kingdom) in particular...
Every 2 weeks I had to leave Sinai,
according to Egyptian law.
Only once did I have a camera with me
during those
3 months in Sinai,
(borrowed from Gadi?).
Fortunately it was that Yom Kippur,
which David spent with me in my tent,
one among 6 tents of the "Rihlah",
the Pyramidion,
the first and last mobile hosting-business in the desert....
In hindsight it was also my last fortnight in Sinai...
But it was only in 2002,
during the "Desert
Peace Process",
that I once asked Gadi,
who not so long ago had sold his photo-shop in Tel-Aviv,
if I could see all his Succah photos
ever since he and Efrat first came to the Succah in 1991..
And lo - there I discovered the Sinai photos,
which I had never seen before!
David in my tent- in front of the vent, powered
by a 10 Watt solar panel - reading in the Qur'an.
It's only in this moment(2008_01_13,
20:24), and not yesterday when I inserted
the few photos,
that I notice the connection between the pictures above and the picture
below.
In Sinai, in August 1996, I was alone - inventing the third generation
of the pyramidal tent and sowing it,
holding an umbrella in my mouth against the burning summer sun.
In November 1997 David, who had taken half a year unpaid leave from
his work, helped me, to
reach the ultimate model of the pyramidal tent.
His greatest idea was, to separate the two layers of the material
into two tents, an inner black one and an outer silvery one.
He also figured out a much better way of connecting the three bamboo-sticks
at the apex of each tent.
How grateful I am in this moment for the
two German journalists who came suddenly along.
The place was next to the transition between Israel and Jordan, some
10 km north of Eilat,
- it belonged to Kibbutz
Eilot and soon enough my bus was evicted from there,
but only after we had finished most of the work of evolving the tent.
If not for those journalists, I would not have this precious photo:
David in between two double tents.
(in one of the tents, the inner and outer one, I had made a window,
one of the most arduous jobs I had ever undertaken).
but also as a sign,
that our superhuman endeavor to live a loving trinity was not in vain...
David's job has always
been "computers",
even when that word did not yet exist.
To stay alive, he studied painting and painted for years. "But I was not good enough, so I
left it." He started to study philosophy, graduated,
made his Ph.D.,
about the German philospher Kant.
But this is another story...
This is the only painting - a small
part of a very big one -
which he guarded,
and which he - finally - bequeathed to me. "It's the Little Prince!"I exclaimed,
"the exact colors of the Little Prince!"
Some years earlier a young man in Mitzpe Ramon
wanted to make a video about "Succah in the Desert".
He saw a resemblance between me and "The Little Prince"
(which after the Hebrew Bible is my most cherished book..)
. He made the video...
but the end of the story is too sad to be told in this context.
I glued the unframed painting to the
concave ceiling of my bus.
It got torn, it got dirty, but it got saved.
I managed to bring it to Shoham, when I had
to give up the bus on October 31, 1999.
On my birthday, August 2000,
Immanuel and Efrat presented me the painting in a beautiful
frame,
and now it's starring in my castle in Arad!
