| The
Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential P E E R s
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!" |
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I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
|
|
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
January
4 / Tevet 26, Friday,
- at Arad - updated on January 6, 2009
back
to past ~~~~~ forward to future
The togetherness with Margret and her three children
brings up strong feelings concerning my own children,
also a son, a daughter, a son
~~~~~~~~
The feelings are even stronger today!
 1970
First thought in the morning:
my
daughter's 43rd birthday!
Where was I, when I woke up?
In the shower-toilet room, as
I described already 2 days ago,
i.e. in the kind of space, which I had just photographed - empty -
the day before:
the "upper floor" in Noah's Cave [see
on January 6],
where I had slept for 150 days in winter 2003-2004.
Since I woke up long before my guests,
I had time to feel and breathe the pain and ponder:
why do I keep creating pain with this actress in my drama,
my daughter?
| I'm
not even sure, what my crime has been this time.
Perhaps the fact that I put Rotem's
essay on my website.
As an intro she had written:
"I have a hobby, that whenever a
book touches me
to write a review about it , as if somebody would read it."
Ronnit had sent me this essay towards
the end of the year,
just when I sculpted the composition of photos and quotes
about the short togetherness I had with Rotem and Tomer
during the
family celebration of Mika's second birthday.
Wasn't it natural and logical to insert Rotem's excellent review
there?
I sent the link to Rotem and Ronnit, proudly and happily.
But as so often in my life:
Wanting to cause joy, I cause fury, I trigger
people.
An immediate e-mail from Ronnit:
"You have to ask Rotem's permission!"
I did!
I wrote: "I hope you are proud
to see your essay on my website."
Since then (it
is by now the 9th of January) -
total silence, non-communication.
I
release the judgment, that I have to wreck my brain and
heart,
in the futile attempt to prevent others from being triggered
by me.
"A trigger is attracted
to point out a hole
in my/your wholeness
that now wants to heal!"
I also release the judgment, that I have
to change my "transparency",
or what others call "my lack of discretion".
I was born like that,
like I was born as a woman,
like I was born German
and Christian,
like I was born with a big brain to think.
All these "qualities" were becried by me as terrible
curses, when I was young.
These are my limits, against which I grow.
And against which grow those people who attract me as actress
into their dramas .
|
Concerning this dire theme of "transparency"
I've done much sculpting in 2001 and later on.
I'm now trying to re-read
pp28 no overriding, no
letting override
but don't feel strong enough to read on
after the following passage:
Maryam,
2001_12_30-31; last update: 2005_03_21
Outcries and
threats
from the first few people who touched this site,
after it has been in the air for almost 7 months~
They feel overridden by me for having edited
Godchannel.
But
my life in these days brought other experiences too,
helping me to not succumb to these blames and threats.
I
feel with you all, dear people.
But the way to fight being overridden
is not by overriding another.
The way to heal what is triggered,
a hole in your wholeness that now wants to be healed,
is not by raging at the
reflection.
Is
not this situation a perfect chance
for us to apply what we have learnt? |
1981
Ronnit at my mother's grave in
Jerusalem.
Ronnit was the one among my children,
who gradually
- during the 18 months of my mother's living with us
in our tiny flat at Ramat-Gan
learnt to see her sick "Omi" as a human being,
somehow connected to her without a common language,
and suggested to help me and take care of her,
when I wanted to go away for more than 4 hours.
On February 20, 1985,
it was Immanuel, who got leave from his air-force
to make the coffin for his Omi,
since in the Christian cemetery in Jerusalem
they would not allow to bury her the Jewish way,
but it was Ronnit, who fed her,
changed her diapers
and related to her,
though "Omi" would never recognize her
as her granddaughter. |
1985: Ronnit and her future husband Uri
are helping me with building my
mobile home,
we are cleaning the roof in order to paint it. |
|
1988: with Ronnit at my mobile home's parking
place above the Sea |
 |
Between the years 1986 to 1987,
a few months before Ronnit's wedding:
together at a Rebirthing
Workshop at Aschau, Bavaria,
Mona's
photo.
How should I interpret Ronnit's facial expession?
In summer 1987, back in Israel, mother and daughter
at Micha's celebration of his army service in Israel's Navy. |
| |
A year later, on January 4, 2009
I sent Ronnit the following letter
with the photos taken on Mika's birthday
which I composed into a beautiful sculpture
on the
last page of Kiss-log,
= the last new page on Healing-k.is.s.
|
[2013-01-04, 9:16 AM, I had not yet re-read
this passage,
when I, second thing in the morning, sent her this letter:
Before that I had
sent her an SMS by cellphone,
with the line that I put as "subject" above this letter.
She answered with
a smiley:
Ready to begin the day, I open the door from the
shower-room, where I slept, to the kitchen-corner.
What a view! Everybody was awake, and Gavriel had crept up from his
mattress into his mother's arms.
Look at Margret's arms and hands! How they touch and embrace her sons.
Thank you for letting me take these pictures, especially you, Gavriel!
I've tears in my eyes, even now - 4 days later (January 8)
 |
|
|
Gavriel was not yet twelve,
when life became just too terrible to bear.
Split between his parents.
Evicted from the parish-house, the house of his childhood.
Living with a friend of his mother temporarily, no stability.
Put down and humiliated in his temporary school.
His mother sick with a kidney collapse.
He fled to his father.
But his father needed to be by himself on his island.
After a few weeks he rented a flat for the child,
two flats below his own, in the same house.
It was only after half a year, at Christmas,
that Gavriel was allowed to visit his mother and siblings.
Shortly before his 18th birthday, his father said:
"We'll put your kitchen in
order,
and you'll return the key to my flat,
you are grownup now."
What a drama has my godchild staged for himself!
Why did he want to grow this way?
I love him!
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|
Margret got up,
and the three siblings huddled together.
And after a while - teased each other.
During the hours of our
togetherness
Gavriel let everyone know - with humor -
that the four weeks away from Berlin were too long,
and that he yearned to be home with his friend and friends.
"But why did you come here, at all?"
I once asked.
"Because it is so beautiful here!"
he said - simply.
He didn't see any contradiction.
|
I asked
his mother - in his presence:
"Aren't you hurt, that Gavriel constantly
wants to go back?
After all these years of having put aside penny after penny
to make this family holiday possible?"
But Margret only laughed: "Why
should I be hurt?"
Her growth in these years, her wholeness
are such,
that nothing seems to trigger her, not during these days.
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|
 |
Again we ate on my big mattress,
just the way they ate,
when they toured the Sinai-desert on camel,
for 3 days, with a wonderful Beduin guide.
It was then, that I caught two beautiful scenes,
mother and son, mother and daughter.
I emphasize: the scenes were not posed!
The love and harmony and humor
were there all the time
between these four human beings!
What a boost to my confidence
about the future "Heaven
on Earth"!
|
 |
 |
Then we had to leave and walk again the 20-25
minutes to the bus.
It was then, that Margret told me part of the process of her healing:
"When Gavriel did no longer live with me, I felt, as if my child
had died.
I sought help. I participated in "Family
Constellation"."
Since I, too, had
participated in a Family Constellation ,
I could identify even more with Margret's resulting understanding:
"My grandfather came back from war - a
broken man.
It was, as if he left his place in the world empty.
Many other males in the family followed his terrible example,
including her father, who "simply" died, when she was 3).
When Jotam was born, he was always on his way out of life,
for instance he managed to get in our car, when he was three,
he started the motor and loosened the brakes....
And now it seemed to me, that Gavriel was gone.
"So, with the group we played,
how my grandfather learnt to agree living,
to fill his place.
This also changed the attitude of the women.
who had been forced to act, as if they were both woman and man,
leaving no real space room for a man in their lives ."
By then Tamar caught up with us, heard part
of the story and asked;
"So what will happen to me in this generation.
Will the man, I'll love, die like your father?
Or will there be a divorce, like your's and your sister's?"
"No", said Margret,
"the process stopped with me!
in that session of "Family Constellation".
So you three will be whole,
a woman with male aspects in her
and men with female aspects in them!"
I was amazed by this application of the famous
biblical: "till
the third and fourth generation"
[in the Ten Commandments, Exodus 20:5]
"visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon
the children unto the third and fourth generation
(King James version)
"punishing the children for the sin of
the fathers to the third and fourth generation" (New
INternational Version)
[2013-01-04: It's since long, that I interpret "avon", sin,
as "denial".
It's the denials and their consequences,
which are "inherited" from generation to generation...]
And I was amazed to discover this interpretation of the same phenomenon
in my own family:
My father was killed in war at the age of 31 - during the invasion
of Sicily by the Americans.
Even before this his younger brother, also a soldier, committed suicide.
My brother, 27, was killed by a drunken driver, an American soldier!
in times of peace (1970).
My youngest child, a son - like Margret's youngest child, a son -
always was on his way out,
from the moment of birth, having the navel cord 3 times around his
neck,
and a mysterious almost fatal infection right after birth,
through pneumonia at the age of 7 months,
till the frightening attack of meningitis at the age of 3.
My mother's brother had become ill with meningitis at the age of 12
and lost his sanity.
After his mother, my grandmother, fell from the stairs, half a year
after my birth,
he had to be put into an institution, where he became a victim of
the Nazi policy of Euthanasia
We reached the post-office ,
since Margret needed more Israeli money to reach the border back to
Sinai Egypt.
and I saw the blonde German Margret stand in line behind an orthodox
Jewish man
~~~ and was glad ~~~~
One more view of this trinity of star-children, before they disappeared
into the bus to Beersheva.
I took my time in walking back, thinking~feeling,
enjoyed swimming - without singing - in the pool,
 |
crossed the street,
perceiving those roses
as redder than usual, |
watched the clouds
moving across the sky
and their shadows
moving across the desert |
 |
 |
letting my eyes embrace
my neighborhood Shaqêd,
which means "Almond",
across my
"Wadi
of Compassion"
across my daily path
caressing the palm-trees
and cypresses
which stand out
|
turn my eyes to the east,
enjoying
the art of humans,
the round water-towers,
the triangular synagogue, |
 |
 |
climb down my wadi
come closer to seeing
my palmtrees and cypresses
and
the pyramidal synagogue
and climb up again,
enter my neighborhood,
|
pass the roses of Shalom and Nitza, my neighbors, who unlike other neighbors
do not fence themselves in,
and return to my castle,
to my holy lonesomeness,
enriched by those Four,
their laughter, their love!
back to past ~~~~~
forward to future
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
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