Spring 1993, exact date unclear

I am afraid, that I'll not be able to concentrate and focus enough around the learning of today. There is despair in me, that I learn and I forget again and I learn the same thing another time and I forget again.

S I M P L I C I T Y

The criterion for planning and doing and re-evaluating everything I want to do in real life (as differentiated from "playing" with my diary and history-story) will be:

IS IT SIMPLE? HA-IM ZAE PASHUT? IST ES EINFACH?

It is Khamsin [dry hot wind] today, and I'm constantly opening and closing the door. With only the Eastern window open it's suffocating. With the door open it get's cold.

My body is extremely tired today. I had slept for 8 hours, with only short awakenings in between. I am getting relaxed. I am really resting. How wonderful this time of silence. I am not going to the meditations with the group, though I am yearning for it a little bit. But I am not sure, they want me there, since I am not with them the whole time. And I am not sure, I should "waste" my precious time with just enjoying. I need to do so much thinking. And for doing this thinking I need to be alone and in tune with my own exact rhythm of thinking, sleeping, feeling and doing.

Meirav [read about the relationship with her - then the same age as Lior today - in diary-fragment 3] came this morning at 6.30, which is the appointed time for our co-counseling session. I was surprised. I saw her coming, dressed in a black long skirt, her hair pinned up beautifully with colour under her eyes. This time she took my silence with humour:

"You can't talk, so you can't give me any instructions".
And when I tried to gesture, that she should look at me:
"And if you are hinting at something, I don't need to notice it."

She was expressing her anger about yesterday - in her roundabout way. I felt touched and tears ran out of my eyes. Why is she touching me so often? Why am I crying with her by just listening to her talk, which is so full of resistance and defenses? Maybe she is the prototype of a suffering human being, who is really c o p i n g . And what is overwhelming me is compassion and sadness and joy, all at the same time.

I wrote: [translated:] "I was wrong. Forgive me!"

There was no response whatsoever, but she went on talking. It became clear, that the short message, that the orthodox Yacob wanted to come to the Succah with his wife, which I had scribbled down for her, together with the other message, that Sarit sends her love, threw her out of balance:

Yacob, the yeshive-bokher [a boy or man that studies at a religious school] with his existential doubts, had been sort of in love with Meirav for 2 months, after they had met in the Succah and then studied together at the Tel-Aviv university library. She had to walk 2 meters behind him, he was so afraid of being identified by somebody. And now he suddenly is married?

 

Meirav talked about what little love there is in her life. She was rationalizing, she was terribly cynical, she demonstrated her self-hatred in a heart-breaking way. I did the first and the last just as she does, but I never was cynical. I told her so. My experience with having to stay silent and only now and then scribble some sentences on a piece of paper, was that of "God", I think, wanting to prevent suffering from a human being, but knowing, that each spirit has to go through his/her own experiences in order to reach her own understanding.

 

I could see clearer then, how much I still indulge in the "overflowing" with my own experience, my own understanding, hoping that others could adopt them. But in such a lesson it's only me who is learning. When I wrote to her in the end, that she does not have to imagine, what kind of partner would suit her or what kind of love she wanted, but that she only had to let the yearning BE and the pain of not getting what she needed, FELT, and that LOVE would come one day, just as it would come to me, it was a confirmation for myself, not for her.

 

The experience of being a silent teacher is what I need now. Above this computer a piece of folded paper reminds me:

"pas de control!
Ma presence suffit!
Ma presence aimante et divine."
[No controlling! My presence is enough. My loving and divine presence."]

I was extending this presence to Meirav. I was touching her sometimes, putting my arm around her shoulder another time, even stroking her hair a little. I was just trying to radiate my love and my trust that - as I said in the end, when she wanted to know, if she can just leave for some days and go to Tel-Aviv and see a movie and see Sarit and forget about everything -

"each experience you create for yourself
will either nourish your soul
or fertilize your soil."

It is simple, this trust. And it's good, that Bob Gidel from Punta Gorda in Florida sent their book about "In-Between-Lives" and Reincarnations. It radiates on every page that each spirit is free and decides on his/her path, the path of experience, understanding and creating.

SO, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE DEAD?

(Kathy, the channeler, about her understanding after having committed suicide in one of her lives:)
"I should have stayed and allowed myself to experience that relationship. He is an entity too, and has feelings ..."

Are you suffering any penalties from having committed suicide?

"No. That just ended the learning process of being around the Governor (who wanted to sleep with her and she hated him). It is easier to learn lessons on Earth, in the middle of physical interrelationships, than to understand them in this dimension or place. The learning is more difficult here, and now."

Do you mean that if you hadn't used the dagger you would have learned your lessons more easily and more quickly?

"Yes, I should have stayed and experienced the situation."

So , our purpose on Earth is learning and understanding, and we must experience everything, no matter how undesirable it might be?

"Yes, we can change our situation if we wish, as I did, but the lessons must still be learned.

"....I must better understand and become aware of my feelings, and I must better understand the feelings of the Governor. I must review the records of the situation I went through, and understand the alternative in ways I could have reacted to his advances. Perhaps, I could have changed him, making many different outcomes possible, and maybe helping many other people, by helping make him a better person and a more loving Governor."

......
Have you found problems carrying over from other past lives too?

"There are points of lack of development. An entity starts out just learning to know itself, its potentials, knowing that it exists. Through many lifetimes it learns more about the environment around it ... about other entities, what they think of themselves, and what interaction is all about...

" (In the astral) warmth and caring is shared, but no demands are placed on others. There is no reason for it. No assistance is needed here. Relationships on Earth are to assist each other in growth; getting through situations and giving firm foundations for learning. One reinforces the other.
"(In a beautiful place for resting) ... This continues until a desire pattern starts to build. When the intensity of this desire increases, the guide takes you to another place to meet with teachers to discuss availability, and what situations would be best for the entity to experience through. Availability means parents, time periods, fellow entities, and all factors inivolved in setting up another reincarnation."

Could an entity stay here, not wanting to leave?

"They can, but it's not likely they would want to for very long. The human soul is inherently desirous of change.

"... I am taken by my guide to another place. It is my desire to do this. It's a place where I'm to be alone to put together, in thought form, what types of experiences I feel I need within the next lifetime on Earth plane.

"... I feel that I must condense to a pinpoint my needs. Put them into one concept. This is different from the expansive feelings of the rest and relaxation area. There, all was free to move in and out of my being. Here, I must pull within, to focus on a set pattern."

 

There are many other comforting passages in the two chapters I read already, but I quoted only those that help me trust other people [i.e. that they too choose their experiences and are not victims, neither to me nor to anyone else] and that reinforce my wish to focus on my next lesson.

After Meirav had gone - which was only at 8 o'clock today - I cooked and ate my porridge and walked into the Zin Wadi as yesterday, to deepen the experience of the valley and to find my tights. After about 20 minutes I was so tired that I lay down, my head on my little cushion, my face covered with my Australian hat, dozing off, being awakend by a fly occasionally, killing it, dozing off again, finding a funny desert-coloured beatle on my hand, thinking about "simple, simple, simple"~~~

The word had struck my mind, when I tried to concentrate on my other desires, following the one of yesterday.

"I want this Succayah to function with ease
(acting as hosts and preparing meals)

I want the "mo'adim" [times of encounters, i.e. the structure of time, as the succah is the structure of space] to observe the main thing:
- How to redeem my denied desires and feelings ~~~
  so as to become totally whole in the Here and Now.
- How to fulfill the command:
   "Give redemption to the earth" [Bible, Leviticus 25:24]
(i.e. how to adjust technology in a way, that Man can blend with Nature and to not just do this on my own, by creating models and standards for all the succayahs, but by organizing "ecological" mo'adim in this Succayah.)

The formulation of this desire is so complicated, that I could not find a way to envision and visionalize what I want. And since Kristina Alessandria's pages on "Magnetizing what you want" demand visionalization of the exact item I want, I am at a loss.

That's when this word "simple, simple, simple" struck me.

I remember that UNIFIL officer, who came to the Succayah with his companions in November and - trying to listen to my theory about , said:

"Very few people have such a global view.
You are telling too much.
If people grasp one or two things,
it is enough.
You don't have to tell everything you know or understand."

He said it with some blame at first, but when he saw, that I did not become defensive, on the contrary, I wholly agreed with him, though feeling shame, he changed his attitude and said the same thing with more appreciation for my "global" view.

 

Renata is very often laughing at my making everything so complicated. And she is a living example for me of how to simplify things.

After having gotten out of the Victim-Game and
while being on my way of getting out fo the Good-Guy-Game
I want to get out also of the "Making-it-complicated-and-complex-Game".
For the sake of alliteration and for the sake of simplicity (!!!) I'll call it
the "Global Game".

I was studying the word 'pashut' [simple in Hebrew] and all its derivations and the word "simple" and all its meanings, as well as the root of the German "einfach".

'pashut' like the desert, of which all clothes were taken off, a naked landscape. Rich when you come close, but allowing an overview, when you do not want to be close.

But the image is also one-ness, wholeness. Oh, it's impossible to explain.

The bells rang and I feel, that this time I want to join the meditation.

Why?
Because when I came to the bell-tower, I saw, that Renata had built a new Pergola!

Wonderful! Exactly what I wanted and what is needed!
And --- so   s i m p l e .
If Renata let herself be attracted to my life, it is for her learning to feel and live more fully. If I attracted her to my life, it is for learning simplicity - simplicity in doing and simplicity in being. How grateful I am, that there will be another year for me to learn from her. I shall do this now with much more awareness and attention.

I enjoyed being with the group.

The Tent of Appointment - pulled down to the earth on one side against the wind, which started to blow strongly once I had been sitting for 5 minutes - is not as beautiful and harmonious as I want it to be. Does simplicity include imperfection? Probably. About 3 weeks ago when we erected the tent after a week of storms, to have it ready for Shabbat, I worked for an hour to have the mattresses and the mats and the cushions as perfectly ordered as I wanted it. But after 8 hours I had to destroy the whole order, because the storm forced us to take the tent down again. The next time it was Renata who erected and ordered it - not as perfectly as I wanted it, but it has lasted for 3 weeks and the group is using it now 3 times a day. Isn't this a message?

When I came back from my tiring hike - not having found the tights, of course - I opened the Angels' cards:

H A R M O N Y
and then a Tarot reading,
according to the German words [how do I become simple]:

Only "swords" - the instruments of torturing ourselves!
Except for "the World", which came to me also the last time,
and comforts me, that I AM maturing after all ~~~

    "Simple"
- to use the one sword of my Page
to focus and concentrate on the essence of my task (the figure of 4 swords),
- no need, of course, to emprison myself in my 8 swords
- and to be just HEART,
taking out the 3 swords of torturing myself,
letting them BE there - above me, available, but not used when not needed.

I AM HEART, AM I NOT?

My simple presence is enough to make my vision come true,
the Succah Vision as the situation,
in which people learn to become masters,
in which they train their power,
discover their choice,
redeem the Messiah, the redeemer, within.

 

Dear Bob                                              March 25th, 1993

It is 4 o'clock PM on the third day of my New Moon silence. There is also a ten day silent meeting going on - with ten persons, but except for taking part in one or the other of their meditations I am not part of them. Renata (56) acts as the hostess, while - at the same time - builds the second hosts' cabin, and Yokheved, the leader of the "Sisters" of the Black Hebrews at Mitzpe-Ramon, comes every day to prepare the two meals. Meirav, my pupil, the first pupil of the "Training Ground for Creative People to realize their Dreams" wanted to take part in the Silent Meeting, but also asked me to give her a lesson every morning in "Re-evaluation Counseling", a tool for differentiating between negative feelings (which have to be discharged) and rational choices (which can be reached, once the fog of the feelings and defense-patterns is out of the way).
[But see my present - 2002 - understanding in puzzle-piece 17e !!!!!]


Her way of learning is mostly through resistance and rebellion, but I like coping with her. I like to give her space to grow, as she would not get anywhere else, as she freely acknowledges. The result of this morning session, where - after a while - I decided to talk again - was, that I gave her permission to do what she felt like doing - which was to leave the silent meeting and travel to Tel-Aviv, to see some friends after her 3 months of austerely focusing on what she should do in life, see a movie and just hang around. She went on leave every 16 days as I made it a rule for Renata too and for everybody who will be working in this intense situation here in the future. But then she had to travel through the whole country -6 hours by busses - to get to Ein-Gev, her kibbutz at the Lake of Tiberias, to see her parents and to hear from them and friends:"People d o   n o t   live like that!" i.e. like she lives at the succayah, on the training-ground which we agreed upon together, just like the assistants do with souls who plan their experiences on earth.

I am sitting at my miserable little computer with its eye-spoiling screen which will make problems, once the sun will set. I should have used this wonderful free day to write, but I let myself indulge in my tiredness. I lay on my bed, reading your book, marking the sentences which I want to repeat reading and studying, dozed of, returned to reading, asked myself ten times, if I should go for a long or short hike, decided every time, that if sleep is needed, this is the first thing to do, and decided finally to focus my learning and planning with the help of a letter to you, Bob.

There is the fear, that you again will not understand much, since my physical and my mental world is so different from yours. But the last passages of your book will help you to just wonder at the differences between us, and then - there might be an understanding on the feeling level, since you still seem to be so fond of me. I even want to dare to share with you more of what I know about myself and phrase some questions for Kathy to assist in channeling answers. But bear with me, if it will take me some unsystematical writing before I get there. For I am really afraid of turning you off. And I am also not yet clear about the way to ask for help.

Which reminds me of your playing destiny, when you took the confused letter, which I must have written to you in summer 1988 and turned some of its content into questions for Kathy. You see, it is not really important to understand another spirit in order to help him! Nor is it really important for the spirit who is in need of help, to be clear about what help she needs. The very outcry was enough then, and I hope, that the very outcry this time is enough, though this time there is not the kind of suffering, of frustration, of despair involved as in summer 1988. It's more this extremely strong urge of finally succeeding in becoming what I am meant to become and accomplish in this life-time, which lets me ask for more help from those who constantly convey in your book, that the only thing that is needed to get help, is to ask for it.

Nor are your non-physical friends the only ones who concern themselves with me. In 1992 I got help through a guest [Na'omi Hefetz, Jerusalem] who stayed here for 2 days. It's more and more common even in Israel, that people just close their eyes and entities come to answer questions. She did it, once here and once in Jerusalem, where I visited her and it was very helpful, except for one misleading answer, that there would somebody come "soon" to take the worst burdens from my shoulder, and he didn't come....

Oh, now that I am writing his, I suddenly see, that, maybe, whom the entity meant is Renata? She is not a He, as I had yearned for, nor did she deal with the specific burden of getting things right with the financial authorities (income-tax, VAT, etc), which had been driving me crazy at the time of the reading. But for the latter I finally found a reliable accountant (unlike the one before, who did it "for free", but got me into a real mess, of which I have not yet recovered financially). And as to the yearned-for man - I know perfectly well, that I am not going to have this kind of shoulder-to-lean-on in this life-time, and the time for "my true love" has not yet matured, because I have not yet matured. And so what manifested, was Renata! Could I have wished for anyone better than her?

 

Renata - that's a story you'll enjoy!

 

On April 12th, 1991 a [Freddy Gruber] broadcast in the weekly news summary in the Israeli TV showed "the Blossoming of the Negev" (the Israeli desert). I was one of the interviewed. I was asked, why flowers exist! In fact, I was standing all alone in the big Succah, when the door opened and a man with 4 companions came in: "We are from the TV". I became defensive, because at that time I did not feel strong enough - as I do today - to deal with all the distortions that media people dispersed about my creation. But he said modestly, softly: "It's about flowers, and I see you holding a flower in your hand". "Yes, and also a book to identify this flower!"

Since flowers are my beloved ones I agreed to the interview. When he asked, why flowers exist, I laughed: "Do you want me to go into metaphyscis?" He said seriously: "Why not?" So there occurred one of these moments of grace, when I could say things I would never be able to repeat. I once saw these few minutes on video and just wondered: "How could I say these things at all, and say them in front of a TV crew, for all of Israel to see?" Because the program was peak watching!

 

There are repercussions to this broadcast ever since.

Also Dieter and Batya, who are the leaders of the present (and second) silent meeting, came here the first time, after Batya, a born Israeli, just turned her head to the TV-set, while on a visit in Israel. And these two silent meetings have been by far the best thing that has happened in the "Succah"

- it was and is real good money, which helped and helps us stay above the red line at the bank;

- it is very convenient, because for 10 days there are the same people : we do not have to adjust every new day to new people,

- they don't talk, so they do not need our parenting, and they even wash the dishes!

- and they do not shout, which gives us a break from the Middle East noisiness.

 

A woman in a town near Tel-Aviv, a city-woman with no interest in the desert or in nature for that matter, also saw the program. Eight months later when her friend Renata (from Argentine, then Israel, then USA) came to visit her - while working as a volunteer carpenter at Findhorn, the spiritual community in Scotland, - she suggested a trip to Eilat, and said, that on the way she would see something which she would like.

Renata, who knows about one of her former lives as a Wise Man in an American Indian Tribe - liked it on the spot. It was during the big snow (one of the 3 times that we had snow in the desert last year! This year we did not even have rain!), and seeing that the succahs were in bad shape, she simply postponed her return to Findhorn for 4 weeks and helped me repairing the Succahs.

She promised to come back for a longer time, and so she did in August, about 2 months after that reading with Na'omi. I had had her in mind only as a carpenter and maintenance worker, but very soon she uttered the desire, to work also as a hostess, which meant that she wanted to take much more responsibility. I was only too happy, and looking back now on these exactly 7 months, it is really woundrous, how many burdens she took off my shoulders or at least shares with me. So much, that I am catching myself time and again fearing the time she'll leave next year, or the 9 weeks she wants to spend with her family in New York after April 23rd.

If I say "catching myself", I mean, that on the 'KNOWING-LEVEL' I am not worried. There will be always all the help I need, more so: there will be more than helpers, there will be the partners, for whom I am yearning with all my heart. For, as I am repeating over and over - my creation is nothing in itself, it is a situation for many people to manifest their creativity. It is like "the tree - making fruit - with its seeds in it" (first chaper of the Bibel, about God creating).

 

There came help also in the worst moment I experienced last year: The terrible lesson I had to learn again with Ram Eisenberg - one of those "creative men with golden hands", whom I have been letting victimize me so often, came to an end: Ram had exerted physical violence against me. When I could free myself from his grip, I ran up to the Ya'acov Succah, where Marguerite, a guest from Washington D.C., and a top Conflict Consulter there, stayed. She had suggested to help us and conducted several sessions with me and Ram the day before.

"How could I create such a situation for myself again!"
I cried with tears running all over my face.

"But honey", she said, touching my feet from where she was sitting, still in her bed on the lower rock-level of this Succah, for it was 7 o'clock in the morning,
"there IS a shift in your life!
There is Renata!
So you are able
to attract a new kind of people to your life."

That day she sat with me for 2 hours and explained, that what that person needed from me to exert his creativity in the Succayah was not so much "space", but "boundaries", in order to experience a whole set of qualities, which lay dormant in him and did not let him cope with reality. That's why he, at the age of 30, despite his being a real genius, has not really accomplished anything in his life accept for creating part of the "mobile Succayah", our 7 tents. In his good moments he was thanking me for giving him this opportunity, but then he ruined it totally and after I succeeded in evicting him (he still has part of his belongings in the Succah office~~~), I was left with another failure of my craving for partners.

 

Marguerite left, and I was sent another helper - an astrologist, who was brought for a visit of the Succah by former guests, one Shabbat afternoon. It happened so, that she felt driven to give me an analysis. This one first of all comforted me with concern to the Ram affaire
("this time you really learned your lesson
and do not have to repeat it again".)

The lesson is:

Love is being space for the beloved one grow.
Love is being a boundary,
against which the beloved one can grow.

 

What is true for love, is certainly true for those who are attracted to the Succah's "TRAINING-GROUND FOR CREATIVE PEOPLE".

But what was more, Nelly's reading prevented me from committing a really terrible error. At that time - before the affaire with Ram had exploded - I deluded myself, that the time was ripe for the great "break-through", politically and economicly.

(You must know, that I cannot go on with manifesting the Succah Vision, if the Government does not change its policy about the Negev. Though they pay lip-service to Ben Gurion's belief, that "the destiny of the State of Israel will be determined in the Negev", there just is no room for Man in the Negev. 85% are firing-zone, where the army is the sole dictator, and the rest are Nature Reserves. And since the officials of the Nature Reserves Authority, whom I wanted to adopt my vision 2 weeks after it dawned on me, rejected my offer saying: "Man can never blend with Nature as you want to prove, Man as Man will always destroy Nature" - you can guess, that they are not exactly interested in letting anybody erect another Succayah on "their" territory either.)

I had planned to go to Germany, to win over people with money etc. etc - this takes too much time to explain. Ram was supposed to take over the office-part, Renata the Succayah- and hosting-work etc. etc. - Now Nelly warned me seriously , and I remembered then, that the warning was implied already in Na'omi's August reading, that if I would outreach too soon, I would destroy my creation.

 

Since then I came to understand, that I have to grow deeper roots, just like the plants in the desert would not survive such a rainless winter, leave alone the rainless summers, if they had not such incredibly deep roots. I know, because once I tried to dig out about 20 different plants. Having been a gardener with "green hands" in my marriage life , I assumed naively, that if I would dig deep enough, I could transplant those plants into the area in front of the Succayah, where people threatened to turn the delicate skin of the soil into a football ground. All plants died consequently.

One of my good qualities is that I am asking for help, and when I get it, I really listen and obey. So - following the blow with Ram and following the advices given to me by Na'omi, Marguerite and Nelly, I decided to not make any break-through until the end of 1994, as Marguerite has said and - according to my quest - written down for me on Oct. 17th, 1992:

Your work now is
to sit still - with Renata

and learn what it feels like
to be in a place of safety and trust
and to work from that place on your vision -
and grow your vision from a place of love -
for yourself and with her.

Know too that the universe will probably test you - send you people like those you have been attracted to before. Your work will be to find the strength in yourself to say
NO!

- to leave space for something new, something more constructive for you to materialize.

 

These tests came, of course. I could say NO in one case, but I even invited another such case to do a little project, though I had some terrible experiences with this Jacob before. I was impatient - fearing, that it would take Renata a long time to do this work, since she is overwhelmed with work already, and I also had decided to let more people of Mitzpe-Ramon share in the creative work that has to be done in the Succayah. This happened only last week! I had given him a third of the agreed upon salary as a deposit, and then he made a total mess of the little pergola over the bell-tower, which should have created a place of shade for the many visitors who are crowding the big Succah and taking space away from the guests.

Well this time I only lost some 110$ and a lot of energy invested in anger and regret. But I didn't pay the rest of the money, and when Jacob came himself and tore the whole thing down, to take back his wooden poles, I was glad. We'll not be able to speak with each other, as it was the first time, when I had to evict him, like I had to evict Ram. But I am so happy, that the aftermath of that big lesson with Ram was so tiny.

 

The first day of my silence I worked on "getting out of the Good-Guy-Game" finally, and so I dared to write down in my diary with big letters:

Ram is out of the Succah
Channah is out of the Succah
Jacob is out of the Succah
(these three had all come back after I had evicted them with terrible disgrace. But I am such an easy forgiver, "always making it easy for people", as someone put it, adding: "That's why they despise you").

I even added three other names: Dan, Michal and Judith, though these were not evicted but luckily left by themselves.

 

March 26th,
By half past nine I had written 9 pages and then the computer wiped them all out. I had risked that - writing after sunset - I had relied on my guides, that if they wanted me to write to you all this stuff, they would take care of the computer. Well they didn't see it as necessary, that you should know all I wrote - about the "contro-anger" passages in your book (p.95 and 135), about my yearning to "sit alongside with 'God' after death" (p.134-5), a yearning which was already frustrated by "Right Use of Will" ("You are not there to return to Essence, you are there to evolve essence") and about my whole story with "God", which has nothing to do with the belief-systems or "superstitions", which you have been fighting against all your life.

 

What then should I do now with this letter? Just come to the point and ask for help!

Alright, dear helpers through Kathy:

1) Why is it, that the series of "Right Use ofWill" is touching me like a letter from a lover would touch me?

2) What does it mean, that my long-kept, well-ignored secret, that I am one of the Jesus fragments, is now out in the open (I was bluntly identified as such by No'am Zimin, a young man, who came here as a guest and who is also such a fragment)? I know my task very well:

to redeem people from their victim-roles
to let us become Masters and Creators
to let them train their powers with me&against me
to let them discover their choices against/with me
to let them redeem the Messiah, the Redeemer, in their own heart~~~
(see again my song, now in Song-Game 2007)

How can you help me to fulfill this task through every single interaction with the many, many people I see, talk to, phone to, write to every day? Instead of letting my feelings of guilt, shame, fear, inadaquacy getting in my way? I plead - send me helpers, non-physical and physical helpers!

3) My inadaquacy, or my feeling of inadaquacy in attracting, training and guiding the people, who will create the Succah situations in the deserts of Israel and the world - how can I overcome it? Or if I cannot overcome it, could you please just send me the right people at the right time, who could accomplish what I fail to accomplish?

4) I know that one of the reasons for my inadaquacy in this vital area is that I am making everything so complicated, and that I have this ego-need of telling everybody, how complex, comprehensive, global my vision is and how complicated and difficult its manifestation has been so far. Who would be excited to join me in my adventure, if it's that serious and heavy? Can you, please, help me to let go of the need for exhibiting this kind of martyrdom and instead make me invite people to a creative game, to playfulness, to fun , to ---- simplicity?

5) Last year I found out, that it's not enough to create a physical situation for guests and hosts alike, where they will learn to create their lives. The Succah is a structure in space, it focuses space, but what is needed just as much, is a structure in time, something that focuses time. I call it with the Biblical word a "mo'ed" - an appointed time for watching and understanding what I experience. But today, I still play around with traditional "spiritual" forms, like "meditation", "ceremonies", instead of heading for this era's task of "GOD", or the task of US, the "individualized spirits", which is
"total self-acceptance":

- accepting all my denied desires
- moving all denied feelings physically:
- letting go of judgments, which strangle life,
- accepting every single aspect of mine,
   so that it can CHANGE AND E-VOLVE

Please, send me friends, who understand this task and help me understand it! Why am I so alone with the message of "Right Use of Will"? And please show me, how I can start creating the mo'ed as an opportunity for accepting-evolving.

6) One of my "personal" dreams - a dream not for the world, just for my personal pleasure - is to sing! to sing my own songs. It's realization doesn't seem to be so far away anymore. Yehuda Hanibad, the man responsible for the "Development of Tourism in the Negev" in this area wants me to give little concerts on the organ for people, who would come for sunrise or sunset, just sit outside, get some tea, enjoy the high sky over the exposed landscape and listen to my music. I also want to make a living of it - so I would not be economicly dependant on my creation, the Succah. How do I need to mature, so that the manifestation of this dream will become a complete and perfect pleasure for me and a STRESS-LESS SUCCESS?

 

Bob, I ask you again - bear with me and what might appear as megalomania and craziness. I am fine, quite whole, in fact. Only the time has come to stop hiding ~~~~

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