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See end of puzzle piece 2b "Peers":
That's exactly what I desire:
"immediate peers in healing".

To emphasize this desire
I chose it as the file-name of a page on Healing-K.i.s.s. on Nov. 15, 2007!
I desire Companionship for healing&creating
with Peers
who are truly themselves

I no longer define them as "peers who are equal".
They won't be equal unless they see themselves
as PEERS in HEALING
who desire to realize
their own wholeness

"Love infected with denial
does not feel quite right and
is not yet real love".

I should use the example of the triad
Franz Rosenzweig-Gritli Rosenstock-Huessy-Eugen Rosenstock
[see the pages between August 4 and 14]
for making this message from Old-New-Heart (also edited on June 5) clear!
and by doing so understand deeper,
why the trinity between David and Eilat and me can not be the ultimate love.

[See the final rupture on March 13, 2009]

I wonder, why "Right Use of Will" talks about Divinity
as 3 male and only 1 female aspect,
while in the "Loving Circle" of "The Roses" there are - at one time -
also 3 men and 1 woman.

And I wonder, why I had to go through all possible constellations of "love"

Martin, the normal love between two young , unmarried people.

Rafael, who was married and had to hide his love until the divorce,
[see also "Das Herz ist wach" , 4th page and puzzle piece 1b]
Mona, a woman, with whom I lived 7 years of love,
which was whole except for the fact that we were women,

Hannah , with whom I lived 1000 days of a "love",
which at first was crazy and slowly drowned me in stinking mud,
- exacerbating the shame and repugnancy of being with a woman,
but needed in my drama to learn the most terrible lesson of
"I am not righteous",

and then David, whom I forced to live in truth with his wife,
a wife who came to fall in love with me,
but I - though I loved her dearly - wasn't in love with her,
which then brought up excruciating shame in her
and everything else for another 5 years was contaminated from then on.
[See also in "Das Herz ist wach", 3rd page]


I cannot do all this work now!
I'm content - for the time being - for having completed today
the copying, scanning and inserting of all the passages in "Das Herz ist wach"
which are relevant and deeply enjoyable for me.
I'll be able to come back to these nine pages,
whenever the difficult assignments on my way to wholeness (see tomorrow)
will allow me to indulge in my longing for a loving-healing-peer,
a man! one man - not more!
a man only! with no woman involved!