| The
Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential P E E R s
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!" |
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I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
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K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
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How
Learn
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I
The
Train
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Heal
Conditions
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Myself
For
Creating
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Into
Heaven
Those
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Whole
On
Conditions
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Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily |
sanctus-qadosh
sanctus-holy
sanctus-heilig
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Intro
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k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
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( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
July
15 /
Tammuz 12, Tuesday, still 31 days till my 70th birthday-
at Arad
Parting from my
obsession to complete this page--- on July 24
back
to past ~~~~~ forward to future
The FOCUS of MY INTENTION
TODAY
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may!
7:27 While waking
up & thinking of yesterday's unintended
creation of MY FAMILY SCULPTURE as closure of Yael's Bat-Mitzvah
Album,
I now feel it's not by chance
that already 2 days before that completion I've intended for
today, July 15 - -to complete the creation
of MY VISION SCULPTURE
On the 2nd anniversary of the
sad lonely ceremony of "Nebo-Let-Go" in "Succah
in the Desert"
I desire to complete the sculpture of the 9 pages of "Nebo-Let-Go"
and then wholly LET GO!
I desire that father&son,
stepmother&stepson, stepsister&stepbrother will melt
into one family,
and play a drama together in which each one will grow through
excitement & challenge & joy.
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image
of the day: nothing but a few dirty blankets are seen in Noah's
Cave.
as witnessed 5 days
ago, when I found it clean and unused since I last
visited it.
Only the cone of a tree !!! had traced its way to what was once
my Dead Sea home and vision.
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hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
7:55
My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to what seems to be the least important part
of you,
the nails on our fingers and on our toes,
the part which in itself doesn't feel, when I trim it once
a week,
(except the twisted nail on the stomp of the little finger
of my right hand,
its tip was burnt by an electrical accident at the age of
15 and hacked off)
and still it is exactly this part which keeps growing after
a person is dead!
"The
fingernail - made of keratin - has 2 purposes.
it acts as a protective plate and enhances sensation of the
fingertip.
The fingertip has many nerve endings in it allowing us
to receive volumes of information about objects we touch.
The nail acts as a counterforce to the fingertip
providing even more sensory input when an object is touched."
I am grate-full for the ever new experience
of creating on Healing-K.i.s.s.:
how dispersed, isolated photos, scenes, memories etc.
coalesce into a new, whole and meaningful picture.
I am grate-full for my holy routine, which allows me to create,
heal, learn.
woken up by the tiny noises from my landlords' into the quiet
of my home,
and then - oh I'll use tomorrows altar to trace all the little
"doings" of my day,
and now -8:25 - prepare this day's creation, before going
to the pool at 9.
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Peretz and Peres
Past, Present and Future
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What does it mean this long phone-call from
the man,
whom I once taught, that he should not shorten his name
but tell people, that he was called PERETZ,
because this was the mystical name of the Messiah:
ben Peretz, the son of Peretz,
Peretz
the son of Tamar and her father-in-law Judah,
with whom the genealogical chain of Kind David began,
and King David is meant to be a symbol for the one
who once would redeem us all,
or in my words, who would be the pledge
for Heaven-on-Earth.
Peretz, whom I got to
know via hitchhiking,
became a helpful angel in the difficult time
when I wandered between "Rakhaf"
and Mazkeret
Batya,
where I was granted a room in the rented house of my son,
(which is a not-yet healed pain on the part of my daughter-in-love,
though it had been her suggestion to begin with,
when it didn't make sense any longer to live at Modi'in,
in a flat, which I could only rent because all children helped
pay.)
Peretz helped me with repairing my endlessly problematic solar
system
and mediated between a company in Jerusalem and me at Rakhkaf,
and when I was given the message, that I should settle in Arad,
it was him, who transported all my stuff from Mazkeret Batya.
He himself, by chance, lives at Mazkeret
Batya too,
divorced from his wife now, but 15 minutes from his 3 children.
"I live in a 'zulla' similar to yours,
in a housing-unit of some villa.
Maybe you visit me, when you come to see your family?"
"I'm now
coming to Mazkeret Batya only about twice a year".... |
By chance I saw part of an interview
with Shimon
Peres,
who will - as was stressed - become 85 in a month.
In a month, this means on the same date as my own birthday,
on August 15.
This 'coincidence' of his and my birthday had tempted me in
2003
to once more in my life invest
enormous energy in "petitioning" him,
after a "good start" in 1976, when he actually received
me,
then Minister of Finances (see
below the frame about "Bir'am")
and send his two advisers with me to probe
into my peace model.
Then - in 1990 - I met him in an assembly of tourism entrepreneurs
at Mitzpe Ramon and following a letter to him, he wrote:
"At the next opportunity I'll drop
into your succahs ['asur
la'succot shaelakh'] ".
He never dropped in, nor did he even confirm
my petition in 2003 ,
though it was delivered personally to his office - by famous
singer "Noa" .
Of course, I've long since understood and accepted,
why all my "petitioning"
and even "partneroring"
was doomed to fail,
as was all my "doing" in the exterior world except
for two successes,
one long-term, Succah
in the Desert,
though only as a special hosting-place not as intended - as
a scientific model:
and one short-term,
the Pyramidion in Sinai.
Still, it always hurts, when I see Peres on TV.
It's no secret, but yesterday he was outspoken about the fact,
that his wife Sonja thought, that he shouldn't become President.
He, once "a looser", as he called himself, but now
"a winner",
even thinks of going back into politics once...
At the end he quoted a Hebrew poet as changing the verse:
"be loving to your neighbor as to yourself",
into
"be loving to the sweat of your neighbor...'ve-ahavta
le-ze'at re'aekha'"
and added: "this is more important
than the original meaning." |
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Nebo-LetGo
Page Two
2008_02_09
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Nebô-LetGo
Page Nine
2008_07_15
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Samira's texts and paintings, as glued to my door
from 2005-2007
Closure (of the 2006 sculpture): Where to now?
Realizing through Waiting:
I must wait for the acceptance of my shame "in
my womb".
[while writing this
now in English,
on July 15, 2008, 19:06 ,
I feel just this: shame,
in case ever anyone would read this, -not understand
a word
and judge me or despise me....]
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The initiative of Yusuf
and Hathra is extraordinary in the Zealots' Valley,
but something vital is missing, in all the world and
particularly in the Valley:
The self-esteem
the self-acceptance
the self-love
without these victimhood is
reigning
and there is no strength nor will to self-determination:
one monstrous terror suffocates every initiative as
it is born:
the terror of disgrace and shame:
"What~~~will~~~ they~~~
say~~~ in the Valley~~~"?
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October 29, 2004
After the first rain, through which I walked all the way from
Rakhaf to the Zealot's Valley,
I was lent a dry dress by the woman, who had been my only
friend, before I met Hathra.
In the borrowed dress and scarf I walked over to Samira's
and Yahia's compound.
It was the second time I visited them before visits once and
then twice a week would follow.
Since I was not allowed to take pictures of Hathra, my angel,
Hathra took my camera and demanded that I pose for her!
The next week, Nov. 5, 2004, I came
in my own Bedouin dress, - a bequeathal from the women in Sinai
in 1996 -
and was allowed to pose together with Qaasem, one of Hathra's
brothers, with Ahlaam (=dreams!...),
Hathra's only sister
and with their cousin Re'em, who came along from the neighboring
compound
The Messiah and the White Donkey?
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First of all: what means "self-determination"?
This was defined already 2000 years ago:
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And I , as myself, who am I?"
Hillel,
the Wise
Only I am responsible for achieving my interest.
But I am for ever and always dependent on others!
Therefore - to be responsible for myself - demands
from me
to be responsible for s h a p i n g my
dependency on others,
for the transformation of a negative dependency into
a positive one.
A positive dependency exists when there is a partnership.
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Yet before I can demand self-determination from myself,
I have to return to myself everything
which I've pushed away from myself.
I have to redeem whatever I judge in myself,
whatever I "don't want" in myself and fight
against,
whatever I repress and ignore in myself,
whatever I deny and renounce in myself,
like the ugliness that is supposedly in my face or
in my body,
like feelings of anger which "eat" my heart,
like feelings of inadaquacy or lack of quality in
my personality,
like lapses in my words and deeds or failures in my
life.
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All these parts are necessary for me to be whole.
All those "things" have a function in my
life ,
as each cell and organ in my body has a function.
As long as I'll be only "half
a human being or a quarter of a human being"
[this refers to one
of the most popular Hebrew "love-chansons":
"without you I'm only half a human"],
I shall not have the capacity to heal what
is sick,
I'll not have the strength to convert the frightful
into the fruitful,
I'll not have "MYSELF" in order to be self-determining.
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I, Rachel, accept all these
in my womb,
most of all the shame,
and the fear of shame,
and the fear of shaming others
and of causing others to feel ashamed because of me
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In the womb of the woman there is no
polarity.
There is only darkness, - no light,
there is only water - no dry land.
If there is no polarity - there is no choice.
If there is no choice - there is no responsibility.
If there is no responsibility - there is no judgment.
From the word "womb" rekhaem
comes the word compassion rakhamim
in Hebrew as well as in Arabic.
If I accept myself in my womb,
I'll be capable of accepting also my fellow in my
womb.
If I love and value myself,
there won't be any need to judge my fellow.
A "Cain",
who will feel equal to his brother
will not humiliate or kill his brother.
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Samira
and Hathra did comprehend this and perhaps they "knew"
this.
Already on Febr. 18, 2005 Samira
dictated to me -in spoken dialect -
what moved her heart:
"Oh you people:
Love yourself, so that you'll love those around you,
and God will bless you
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And Hathra wrote a similar poem on the board, which
I had placed in the Cave.
Another child wiped it out and drew his own drawning
on it and the board was stolen.
But the drawing of her brother Ateeq at the age of 9
still exists and in it the prophecy:
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Ateeq,
the one son of Samira,
[born 1995]
who showed no affection towards me,
one day drew a perfect drawing of my vision:
Jews and Arabs saying Shalom to each other
and below them 12 pyramidal tents ,
one with armchairs, a table and a flower on in.
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July
11, 2004 - July 11, 2006
"The Bedouin will not welcome
you!" warned Sa'ar
from "Rakhaf"'
when he picked me up - today, two years ago.
"I invite you to erect your
tent on my hosting business,
as a safe point of departure for your activity in the
Zealots' Valley!"
Despite this safety I attracted
contempt, opposition and distortion of my intentions.
There was only one woman who understood my vision and
loved me.
In order to visit her secretly, I circumvented the compounds
of Bedouin families,
attached myself to the edges of the mountains... and
sat on a stone to rest.
It was there that I was spotted by "the angel-on-duty-on
the edge of the abyss".
Hathra (11
in Oct. 2004)
approached me : "Come
to us, my mother will be glad!"
Don't initiate! Don't invite!
But refuse an invitation? - I responded.
This was in October 2004 and from then on I visited
them every week. |
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Did I come to Samira and her
7 children to empower them?
Or did they-they invite me to give me back my self-esteem?
The 'kukhul' which they put
on my eye-lids
already during our second encounter
My face is reddened with weeping,
and on my eyelids is the shadow of death;
Job
16:16
together with the gift of a
tiny bottle with self-made kukhul,
caused me to love myself when looking into the mirror!
and the five bracelets for my arm
which I got from the Valley's girls
and the gift of ornaments for throat & hair from
Hathra?
a gift for ME when we celebrated the birthdays
not of me , but of her mother, her brother, her sister?
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In
hindsight this triple birthday
was also the "Nebo-Let-Go" of the togetherness
with them,
and after some weeks Samira gave birth to her eighth
child
and called him:
"Saaber
- the one who is patient" |
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My greatest failure and shame - 30 years ago,
in 1976 - can also be better understood now:
Bir'am and the Arab-Jewish summer-camp
This was my most ignominious
defeat in the realization of a model for peace:
"Peace through the
creation of condition for positive dependency = partnership:
Common Interest, Mutual Trust, Equality in Self-Respect".
Then, too, the basis was the economy! projects which
also included "Hosting",
in order to compensate for the many acres of agricultural
land
stolen from the uprooted people,
- for the sake of lifting their self-esteem and their
honor in the eyes of the world.
The summer-camp in the ruins
of Bir'am
was planned as a symbol for the entire project,
and when even the symbol was forbidden, the people
of Bir'am expressed bitter scorn.
Though I got access to
Shimon Peres, then Minister of Finances with the Bir'am
outline,
but this too failed, since his government fell.
[ Menachem Begin was
elected, and since he was the pupil of Jabotinski,
who had always promised the Bir'am people to return
their land and village to them),
the Bir'am committee demanded from me:
"You can put your program into the drawer,
for through Begin our village will be returned as
a whole."
[They didn't understand,
that in that case Begin would have had a war at his
hands:
the 3 Jewish settlements on Bir'am land and the entire
Jewish population in solidarity with them]
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No rebuilt church at Bir'am & no ancient
synagogue under a tent and the creative architect, my classmate
& friend, Heide Fuessler, dead since 1981
Much later my Bir'am partner,
Nimr
Ismir, said, that he had understood:
"Rachel, our work was doomed to fail,
for in order for the uprooted people to grasp their
self-determination,
we would have needed to educate them for a long, long
time...."
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The children in the Zealots' Valley, waiting
for their school-bus (my photographing caused anger...)
The compound of Samira's and Yahia's family
in the Zealots' Valley
This is the
reason for the suspension
of the realization of the Pyramidion.
The Bedouin in the Zealots' Valley and my Ahmed in
Sinai
and also "my partners" as repesented in
Boris and in Hagai,
they all are like "a crushed
reed and a darkened wick",
who shy away from ma'amatz,
ometz, otzmah,
from effort, from courage, from being powerful.
"All hands will be feeble,
and every human heart will melt"
Isaiah
13:7
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And
why?
We don't have with us all that belongs to us,
our feelings are denied and repressed,
like shame and the fear of shame!
and our body which is meant to vibrate them,
is in some corner, trampled upon and downtrodden |
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And Moses spake so unto the children of Israel:
but they hearkened not unto Moses
for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage.
[Exodus
6:9] |
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"Education",
as was suggested, will not avail.
And even personal example, trust, guidance:
a flame for a moment that will fade in despair
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There is nothing left from me to do
but to wait until I'll be whole
and able to love my shame
be whole with the fact
"that I am naked"
[Genesis
3:10]
be whole with all I am
in self-acceptance and self-esteem
in my cave-of-the womb
et le-hagsheem ve-et
le-hamteen
A time to realize and a time to wait
or
hagshamah derekh hamtanah
Realization through Waiting
ha-hamtanah
le-atzmee
Waiting for myself
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I am a pioneer
of the assignment of present humankind:
self-acceptance - self-esteem
- self-love,
and my prophecy is
that the time is near
for "the hundredst monkey" to appear,
, i.e. for the quantum-leap in the evolution of love.
This is implied in the song - created - in the desert
around the birth of Rotem, my granddaugher, in 1993
(in
1. King 19:5, the rotem-shrub of Eliyah the prophet
appears both as male and female, and is a metaphor for
the ONE |
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Only now
-after my experience in the "Zealots' Valley"
do I understand the condition
for the success of my vision:
Each realization of a dream,
each "progress" in the world,
risks "reversal", the explosion of the "anti"
[see enlightened Germany and the Holocaust]
if the realization is not based on self-acceptance,
of those who realize a dream, a vision, a progress,
and of those people for whose sake we "realize". |
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On August 7, 2012, I want to insert
what I found among my documents of 2006
Yesterday I closed Yael's Bat-Mitzvah
Album with a strange photo, under which I simply put a question-mark.
Now the ? makes sense:
I, Christa-Rachel, a month before my 70th birthday, have turned away
from my life-long work for changing the world on the exterior level.
Rotem, my granddaughter, puts on her doubting face as if saying: "except
for experiencing and growing - what have you achieved, Savta?"
Maybe together, grandmother and granddaughter will find a way to bring
about the quantum-leap of self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-love,
which is the condition for any true manifestation of Heaven-on-Earth
- without reversals and holocausts...
January 31, 2013
My short-term assignment was , to re-study and correct "Nebo-let-Go",
both the original Hebrew pages in "ARARAT-HeART"
and the translated and upgraded pages in K.i.s.s.-Log
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Nebô-LetGo
Page Nine
2008_07_15
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I don't know why I , for the first
time, put Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam
into "Google".
What came up was a picture, dated July 14, which I do not remember,
but it must have been made during the Bat-Mitzvah of Rotem's
sister Yael:
Grandma and granddaughter embracing and grandson Alon watching...
What does this mean?
It wasn't only my ACTING on the exterior level, which I had to let
go off in Jan. 2006,
it has been also my INTERACTING, which I had to reduce to the utmost
minimum.
Even my assignment as a grandmother was minimized already at the end
of 2011.
I am almost wholly focused on REDEEMing LOST WILL and DISSOLVING THE
GUILT,
not only in my personal realm, but with concern to Deity, Humanity,
the entire Creation.
But the 16 actors in my drama - together
with the vast treasure of my past experiences
they are the soil and the sun, the water and the air, which nuture
me and strengthen me.
back to past ~~~~~
forward to future
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
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