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L I B R
A R Y July 2003 - July2006
AU-schwitz-Birken-AU
In
the past this work strove to create a situation,
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from
ANNIHILATION and HUMILATION |
through
HEALING FEELING and LEARNING SELF-ACCEPTANCE |
to
SELF-RESPECT and SELF-DETERMINATION |
This
was my purpose on November 13, 2003.
Five months later I came to understand,
that nothing will manifest on "Noah's Shore",
until the Desert People all around the Dead Sea will take the lead.
A
Story in Pictures
They came to
'my' hot sulphur spring
to heal and invited me for supper -
a four- generation Bedouin Family from Segev-Shalom near Beersheva,
one of the 7 towns, in which the
government "concentrates" the Bedouin.
I asked their permission to take these photos, and I was even permitted to
publish them here.
The composition of these images is meant as an introduction to the "Mount
Ararat Evolution":
The transnational Desert People around the Dead Sea
will become the pioneers
of true self-determination and genuine self-respect,
which is the basic condition for peace.
 Shabbat morning, 6 o'clock: she searches for my cave, climbs up, visits me, while greatgrandma, son and greatgrandson are still asleep on the Shore |
 She teaches me the 5 daily prayers, especially the third part of each, the "salaa Ibrahimiya", the blessing of Abraham (!) |
 Since10 days before my solar and gas system were stolen [by Bedouins], my new Bedouin friend and I make tea on fire. 2 days later her sons come to visit and see me fiddling with my new mobile, hidable solar system . It doesn't work. They take it and improve on it. |
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Grandfather and Grandmother came to heal their knees and their grandson's skin-disease in 'my' hot spring 
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Thus
a third "project" and a third location
of "Noah's DeadSea Vision"
emerged in April 2004 :
"The
Mount Ararat Evolution"
Again I felt the need to close HEALING-K.I.S.S.
to new creations:
"Since I am on the threshold of grasping
the core of my vocation in the exterior world,
I want to dedicate all my love, creativity, experience and time to interacting
with people,
the people and peoples whom I came to empower,
to help them transform victimhood into self-determination.
Whatever "Driving Backward" I'll
still have to do, to heal denied feelings and ignored
Body,
I shall do so in daily face-to-face interaction with my potential peers and
partners.
My website may serve as a means of communication with other dreamers or not.
For myself it will serve as a rich well of information and memories to nourish
me.
For so often I forget what I quoted or reported or sculpted and need to learn
again.
"Healing-K.i.s.s." will also provide me with a playground for my
creativity:
whenever I feel like modifying or clarifying, completing or deleting, an entry
of the past 3 years,
I'll do so, as long as it won't cause any pressure or interfere with my live
interactions with people."
But some months later,
in October 2004,
the opposite happened.
I set up an additional website:
www.empower.co.il/ARARAT
I did not know then,
that "ARARAT HEART", too,
would be nothing but another arduous lesson,
the last one...
which came to teach me,
that there cannot be any blessing in manifesting dreams in the exterior world,
as long as the lack of self-acceptance of myself and of my potential partners
does nothing but increase the un-wholeness of things and people on Earth.
"Cease Creating New Manifestations"
has been "God's" advice...
and so I was gently - and finally not so gently - guided
to climb my
"Mountain NEBO" and LET GO...
[see a continuous edition of "Nebo-let-Go" since K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_01_26]
Structure of Healing-K.i.s.s.:
After 10 years of almost daily
creating and playing, learning and healing with the help of Healing-K.i.s.s.,
I find it a bit ridiculous, that in 2007-08 I wanted to point out a "structure"
behind the websites' content.
And yet during the weeks of trying to at least present that content in somewhat
systematical overviews,
I finally- on March 13, 2011 - played the kids oracle: 
"Leaving" or "Deleting"? Answer: "Leaving!"
"Leaving", of course, has a double
meaning.....- what else is new with "oracles"???
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K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete
| Lass dir
alles geschehn, Schoenheit und Schrecken. Rainer Maria Rilke, aus "Gott spricht zu jedem
ehe er in macht" |
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Let everything
happen to you, beauty and horror. Rainer Maria Rilke, from "God talks to each one
before he makes him" |
Enhancement in 2011, completed
on March 13
Exemplary I n t e g r a t i o n of two time-periods
in my life:
Diary Texts of 1978 ~ and ~ Desert Photos of
Dec.1989-Jan.1992
.integration.2001-2003 God has Evolved |
.integration.2001-2003 My Life's Harvest |
Continued from .integration-2001-2003-My Life's Harvest
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 The first drive to the southern Negev, [Kibbutz Ketura] Itamar Kechteil was ready to help me, with his car and with gathering palmfronds. To gather palmfronds means first of all, to break each frond by foot and shoe, as can be seen on the photo with Irene. I'm surprised to see a photo also with Channah. It was rare, that she took part in the chores of the Succayah.... |
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Often the palmfronds had to be carried in our hands a far way, up to Succat-Ya'acov for instance.
This was one of the places
(after I had moved my bus out of the Succayah and around the hill,
and before the "Tent of Appointment was erected her),
where we laid out the palmfronds, so they could dry and would not become damp, sticky and rotten.
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The chore with the palmfronds never ended. Here - in summer 1991 - both, the enlarged Abraham-Succah and the enlarged Esau-Cabin [for a store-room and the room of a host] appear as neatly covered (for the time being, for the thatch had to be replaced every 2 or 3 years). So now it's the turn of the metall cubic water-tank, to fit into the landscape. Judith , the hostess, takes care of that. |
In the first summer, 1990, Micha, my son, was
my guest for 4 weeks,
in order to prepare for an exam.
He, too, helped me a lot with the technical problems of the Succayah.
Here he fills water in a pail for the donkeys.
The outside sink was a gift from "Kushi
Rimon", who had [and still has] a special "inn"
in the Aravah
| 23/8/78 With Nora about people's feelings of inadaquacy or "not at ease" or "needing space" (Michael, her son, and me in Hamton Court!). For 6 months I'll try to really shake off and shed all responsibility for other people's feelings towards me. And I'll keep it light and funny: "You better kneel down before me! You better kneel down before me!" "I don't have to believe your feelings, it's not reality!" " I don't believe your feelings and I'll certainly not act on them!" "I'm proud of my power! I'll keep my head straight! I won't fall into this trap again of you telling me to give you space!" "It never helped you, when I let you stab my weak spot, but it always cribbled me!" "I won't keep back my growth, so that you can grow. I'll grow and be light and funny and you'll grow too! The risk is, that even more people will leave me and announce: that it's impossible to work with Rachel. Alright, then only the people who already FEEL adaquate will stay and we won't have to waste energy on this problem. I won't make it easy! I won't make it easy for people to work with me. That's how I'll attract the really adaquate people and having stabilized this nucleus, we'll be able to help all the others to feel adaquate, too! [It has not worked up to this day, March 8, 2011!] 24/8/78 Leila: "I need somebody to collect the scattered energies to become whole. But if I would become whole and not be scattered anymore, I also would become a threat to other people, and I am afraid." "But I don't want to do anything in the Middle East!" Rachel: -"not now!" Leila to me: "I have noticed in you the tremendous step you have taken into realizing that continuously rushing to alleviate other people's pain was not helping the other person and was diminishing your capacity of helping by making you numb and crippled with it. It takes courage to do that, it also takes more courage to accept and know the fact that by doing so , you gave the impression of being ruthless and non-caring. It would be easy to explain your attitude to the other person, so that she hasn't got a bad opinion of you - and that was your tendeny- always explaining your action! The holding back of the explanations is the biggest growth of all." (Leila dictated this to me on my request). |
25/8/78 
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and "... a present for you, dear Rachel, because you shared so much of your inner self with us as a group and with me this week.
Happy travelling - I expect it to synchronise beautifully. You will be coping magnificently. Won't you! Love Yvonne."
Slogan phrased on my 40th birthday, Aug. 15, 1978
La Joie de Vivre,
Life begins at forty:
Ganz, whole, tamim, shalem
I want to live the next 40 years
a life full of love and creativity
free of stress and pettiness
with all its pain and happiness
will all mistakes and imperfectness
| 25/8/78  Wo aber Gefahr ist, da waechst das Rettende auch" "Where there is danger, also what is meant to save is growing." Hoelderlin, quoted in "Rachel's Burial" and in "K.i.s.s.-Log" 2008_07_08 |
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Harvey Jackins to me, when I begged him to lower the price for the Arab-Jewish workshop, which was to take place in November 1978 in Kibbutz Shfayim, Israel. "You always want to make it easy for people, that's why they despise you." In a demonstration in front of the class he repeated it: "You always want to make it easy for people, by that you're really invalidating them." ... "It's delightful to see, whenever you catch a glimpse of something! You'll always be sixteen!" |
 in Ponteland: to "take power" means for me to help other people to take power". [March 7, 2011: The memory of this "relationship counseling" between two gay members of "Partnership" brings up pain: My husband entered the bedroom, where we had this session, and saw us holding hands. This did it for him! His fear manifested: he had voiced this fear strongly on the day before I and my daughter left for Europe, where I would participate in two workshops of RC, joined by Ronnit in the second one,  |
| 29/8/78 "Make no small plans, they don't excite the imagination." Benjamin Yanuv said this while he (partly assisted
by Rafael) helped me with the budget, proposed to 'Bread
for the World'. |
What a magnificent photo of son, donkey and desert...
| Scattered
pieces from the two workshops: [with comments on March 8, 2011] Tim Jackins: "There's nothing stupid about feelings, it's just the way you get hurt. And you don't have to let it limit your life." [To equate "feelings" with "getting hurt" and "limiting my life" is very far from what "The Mother", the female pole of Divinity, really is and is meant to be.] "People tell me: we are not doing anything. And I try to make it light: 'that's right, we are not doing anything.'" Tim: "It's good to say that to the person in life: "That's right, we're not doing anything, I'm glad you guessed, let's go to the beach". But in sessions you should discharge on the pain : "Get up and do something". [As I said in pp17e: "discharge" is a term, that makes feelings wrong. The right term is: moving emotions physically! Breathing, crying, sounding them!] Barbara: "You should show yourself your feelings, that will make people feel safe with you!" [That works only sometimes. When I - during my guest-semester in Berlin 1986-87 and the 4 private workshops in my home - once "used" an evening to ask for my pupils' support, Mona warned me: "You'll see, how they will now stay away from your workshop!" And that's exactly what happened...] In my session with Yvonne I realized the two things which I do not want to learn from Tim or Harvey. Tim bragged - so I see it - about the enormous amount of work he gets done........ "I can't marry, since so many things need to be done in RC, at least not the next 3 years (he is 37) "You mean, you w a n t to" (how sensitive I've become towards something "needs' to be done!) "I want to, but things also n e e d to be done." But this is not a temptation for me. "Why should one do so many things?" I asked him, "because it's interesting!", "because you enjoy doing them?" "Even if I don't enjoy them, they are interesting!". No, I am different, I want to do more than acting! I not only want to fight problems, I want to be aware of life, and I want to commune with people. And this is the other thing where I am different. I don't want to say about myself after 7 years: "I still am a better leader." I wouldn't like to be in a position, where more people are coming to m y workshop (like in Harvey's and Tim's case) than to my co-leaders. I want to be equal, to commune with them on equal terms. And if this means, to cut down on my life-style, to prove, that I do not sacrifice anything, that I have time for leisure, reading, making music, just being around my beloved children (and husband) while they are home, even if this means to watch TV and "waste time", I'll be that human! And finally people will feel at ease with me. [This differentiating myself from those two "hard workers" is pathetic, to say the least! Wishful thinking! It would take me another 28 years (till my assignment with Mika's Heaven-on-Earth at the end of 2006) , until I would be really capable of "being around my beloved children, while they are home". And as to "people will feel at ease with me" - the prophecy of Annemarie Mayer, 16 years my senior, has come true so far: When, at the age of 20, I said to her: "I learnt an English expression: to feel at ease with somebody. That's what I would like people to feel towards me." She jumped: "This will never happen!" At that time I wasn't even really aware, that people felt uncomfortable with me, leave alone the reasons for this...] It is true, that I came to this conclusion many times, that I've not to crumble so that others won't feel bad in my presence. And Tim also says: "When people feel inadaquate, I help them with that." That's alright, as long as I am really relaxed and at ease with myself. But the truth is, that I am scaring people with my dead-seriousness, my dead-reliability. I want to be , just to be! I've done enough the past 30 years to justify my existence. Now it's time to exist! |
30/8/78 
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| 13/8/78 Northumberland College of Education, Ponteland, Newcastle-upon-Tyne.  This
is the view which I remember.....16:35 I've an hour to be just by myself in my own room, lying on my nicely covered mattress, which I moved from the bed to the floor. I had a session with Joy about my memory. This morning I woke up , typically pressured by the monster: "I MUST NOT FORGET" to remind Ronnit to write a postcard to her grandmother, to ask her to buy stamps etc. And then when she came - I forgot - I ran after her and told her, but she just said she wouldn't do it. So grandmother will worry and will get angry. In other cases it's much worse; people feel that I don't care for them, that I don't respect them, that they are nobody for me... |
31/8/78 
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Micha shows the two German "volunteers",
whom my friend Irene Hahn sent (and paid!) to help me for some weeks,
how to transfer the water from the two 300 liter mobile tanks to the fixed tank.
One of the greater miracles, which helped the Succayah manifest,
was the perfect difference of level between the Abraham-Succah below and the ridge above:
I guessed that the water - brought to the metal tank on the ridge,
from an official outlet outside Mitzpe-Ramon by my jeep,
- would flow down by gravitation.
When I chose this wadi for the Succayah, I had some 8 criteria,
but I did not think of the future water problem and gravitation,
norI did have the means, to check the difference of level scientifically.
And of course, the track up to the tank had to first be built (by the two "volunteers") .
I trembled, when waiting for the test of my intuition:
but the success was greater than I had wanted to believe:
the pressure in the kitchen tap and in the tap of the outside sink was just like in a normal house!
| 14/8/78 [see
about my encounter with Don]
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1/9/78 
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Now that we had water, the boys of my family
could also build a shower.
Before that we always needed to bring the water by a couple of jerricans in
the jeep.
This was so cumbersome, that to water 3 donkeys like that was ridiculous,
and to shower was out of the question.
[As to the donkeys, told somewhere, that I had asked for one
donkey, so it would carry up the water to the succahs,
but the "provider" smuggled into the Succayah 3 donkeys, of which
he wanted to get rid,
two of them were highly pregnant, and the male among them was very wild...]
| 21.8.78 On our way from Scunthorpe to London we stopped at Peterborough: a wonderful cathedral, surrounded by the most beautiful gardens. I hadn't known about its existence, and in fact only the very last minute before leaving for the train, I had the idea to ask about a coach half price/double time, much more interesting, especially on a sunny day like this. All these days have been surprising, and I still don't know, how to plan for the next two days. I feel ever so open to exploit the right wind for my ship, though a little bit insecure. Barry wanted to come to London and drive me down to Deal in Kent, where we met in 1956 (during 3 days only). But yesterday's talk - after my playing the organ in two services and singing in the choir of his community - he decided, that he should better not go to Deal, first because of his awareness towards Janet, his wife ("I hadn't realized you'd been so close!"), which was alright, but second, because "we have nothing more in common!" I had challenged his faith by appreciating him and Janet as being wonderful parents. "Actually we feel we are a failure and feel guilty." "It seems, as if you feel guilty about being appreciated as good people." "That's right. It takes away from God's glory. People's fallenness should not one minute be ignored." He actually admitted that "Christ is more important than Man", though correcting himself, when being put on his defense: "Both are important!" Driving to the coach I asked him: "Could you think about the fact, that you feel divided from me, because of my seeing something else in your Jesus Christ than you do, while I don't feel divided at all?" He said: "Yes, that might be a lesson I have to think of!" When we drove down 4 1/2 hours from Ponteland to Barton, I counseled him all the time, till we actually sat down in a field of wheat, where I asked him to counsel ME for 15 minutes. He changed just like a withered flower would change because of a little rain. But then, when I pinned him down on the "necessity to feel good about ourselves", rigidity took over. Is this where RC comes to an end? 22/8/78 Purley I listen to a guitar-duett "Together Julian Bream-John Williams" [how fantastic , that today, on March 9, 2011, these two still play together and I can listen to them on the Internet!], lying on a white carpet amidst all the luxury - in the most delicate style I ever dreamt of, the house of Michael, Nora and Clifford Croft. [Michael Croft had been a participant with me in an International RC-Workshop in Israel, and a private guest in my house. I owe him the song "Clouds"!] |
3/9/78 
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I now remember our [my
and Don's] walk under the wild-clouded Northumberland
sky, the earth fresh with rain, smell of flowers everywhere, and we
- young and engulfed in the ecstacy of mutual recognition - walked down
the wide-spread lawns of the College
of Education, jumping a wired fence, heading along a road, challenging
the cars by our overflooding joy of life, joi de vivre --- together
with Isaiah 53 on Van Gogh's picture [see
in the Overview of
My Life's Harvest>Biblical Sculptures]
... A side-track with few cars - a crow - hanging upside down to scare
off other crows. "Like they would
do with pirates in the old days - funny this mythical thinking"
(Don). Then a slug comes along - "a car might run over it!", and the slug is very carefully placed on a litte stick and carried into safety. On our way back the same service is rendered to a wasp. It was then that I finally got hold of my bad feelings: "It's not your fault, but I am reminded of the Nazis, who chased their victims during the day, but caressed their dogs in the evening.." "That's not the only thing you were thinking. You were also thinking; 'What a waste of energy, it could be used to alleviate suffering of human beings.' " Again I was stupified about having been understood better than I understood myself. "If there will be another wasp, I'll step on it intentionally- to learn my lesson." "You would not do that!" At the end of the workshop: "Whenever I'll see a slug, I'll remember you." We finally found a place, - everything was fenced in and even for this little space between a field of wheat and a forest we had to climb over a gate. When we sat down, a rough piece of rusted wire stuck out from the ground and Don somehow made an uprupt movement, as if being hurt, which was supposed to be funny, but which elicited in my mind the picture of a soldier, who got shot, fell and tried to grasp life for one more moment. I screamed with terror and went right into "it" again, "it" meaning all the suffering of my people, and into the despair about the World that does not understand. I abandoned myself to fears and screams as I had never done before: "qumu, ta'asu! Get up and do something!" the phrase that Tim Jackins had suggested to me and which really caused me to get in touch with my feelings and to discharge in front of the workshop in Cuddesdon, - it worked again. While writing this - and meanwhile it has become morning, the day before our departure, and I am sipping my tea, brought to my comfortable bed in my beautiful blue room by Clifford, the host - I think of Irit Gidron, the stewardess of El-Al who was murdered two days ago [in a terror-act on an El-Al crew outside a plane - the newspaper photos of this dead woman and the other, severely wounded, stewardess were glued to the opposite page of my diary] - Don was a good counselor, but so touched that he ended his own session (about his mother and his child who'd both died in great pain, which he could have ended, if he had had the courage to kill them), by making a pledge to me; "I'll take on responsibility for the people of my Rachel to live!" |
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After the three-dimensional hexagon (my idea)
was ready
- sawn by hand, since we had no electrical saw -
and Micha had prepared the ground,
the shower stucture could be moved to its place - between the ridge and the
Abraham-Succah.
How come, that the pressure was high enough for the shower tap? I don't remember.
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Among those old negatives I find two more photos,
which demonstrate how much my sons helped me with realizing the Succayah.
[Comparing the shirts of Immanuel and Uri, my son-in-love,
on this and the photos above, the work they did here, was not connected to
the showe.
So it was some other work on another day, when they all came down - some 2
1/2 hours ride from the north.]
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.integration.2001-2003 God has Evolved |
.integration.2001-2003 My Life's Harvest |