hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

10:37
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to whatever hormons usually help my "soul" to feel fine.
I don't mean "endorphin rushes "!
I mean the "simple" (?) feeling of being alive and wanting to be alive.
This is contrasted today by great tiredness and a slight depression,
which so often follow days, which were very intense, like the last days.
I'll take the time and try to sleep now - at 10:45...
[13:55- though the sleep was light and often interrupted,
I got up only now - too late for going to the pool a second time, a pity!]

I am grate-full for the intensely happy interactions with my family.
I'm grate-full also for the intense , though not really pleasant, emotions
during the encounter with A&K,
a mix of pain about the past, of shame about my dramatic "sharing"????,
of sorrow about what I felt as their denials were oozing from their bodies.
I am grate-full that the travel wasn't so terrible after all.
I am grate-full that this time I seem to be able to finally pull myself together
and consistently heal my ugly re-action to sudden technical impediments.

Another enclosure in Anke's letter was "my gift for your 70th birthday",
a folded card with the "Losung" ["Daily Watchword"] ,
chosen - 70 years ago by the Herrnhuter Brueder - for August 15, 1938.

Studying it I couldn't find anything uplifting in the verse from the New Testament
[1. Petrus 1:25]
As to the verse from the Hebrew Bible [chosen by lot]
"Wie lieblich sind deine Wohnungen, Herr Zebaoth" Psalm 84:2
I can feel something with this only if I read the context,
moreover reading it on this very day,
after I read it in the train in the Hebrew edition of Josef Heller's "God Knows",
a cynical "autobiography" of King David (1987)
A gift from Efrat on January 17, "It's about the biblical David. I thought you would like it!"

David, the future king,
at the time, when he was persecuted to death by king Saul,
and had only odd places and caves to hide in,
felt like The Son of Man, who - unlike foxes which have holes, and
birds of the air which have nests; hath not where to lay his head.
[Search on Healingkiss ["foxes"] brings up 4 different contexts in which I quoted this verse:Luke 9:58]

The Losungen or Daily Watchwords of the Herrnhuter Bruedergemeinde (Moravian Church) "were started on 3 May 1728 and are now published in 50 languages
- 1,75 million copies -
making it the oldest and most widely read daily devotional work in the world:
"Old Testament texts, the "Watchwords", are chosen by lot annually in Herrnhut from a collection of 1200 verses.
New Testament texts,
the "Doctrinal Texts", are then selected to comment on the Watchwords"

I found out, that nowadays not only the daily Losung appears on the Internet,
but a Losung for a date in previous years and decades can be ordered .
which nowadays obviously can be bought in a shop, or ordered from the Internet:

For instance, the Losung of today, October 13, 2008, Eve of Succot
Genesis 6:22 Noah tat alles, was ihm Gott gebot.1.Mose 6,22

While my Altzheimer sick mother was in my care
from July 1983 till her death on Febr. 20, 1985
-studying the Losungsbuechlein endlessly
was almost her only occupation .
And I, myself, took to heart the "Losung" on her death-day, feeling, knowing,
that it was her, who wanted to console me during the difficult and dangerous life
which I would choose for the next 21 years, 1985-2006.
See this Losung as part of my song: "al tira" , Psalm 91

For He will give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee upon their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

my mother after my birth, 1938

my mother before her death 1985