K.I.S.S. - L O G    2 0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete

Intro to k.i.s.s.-l o g + all dates            

January 1 / Tevet 23, Tuesday, still 228 days - at Shoham
[addition at the end , on January 4, 2009)

back to past ~~~~~ forward to future

I found out, that I am in the seventh week of pregnancy with myself.
From today I foresee 228 days~ till my new birth on August 15, 2008,
when I'll have lived, loved, learnt, created for 70 years = 25567 days.
My "InteGRATion into GRATe-FULL-ness" has reached a point,
where I want to interweave my four pathes into   o n e   path
of thinking and feeling, sensing and thanking
from breath to breath.

I'll therefore establish a new and only path on Healing-k.i.s.s.
my K.I.S.S.- L O G !
My daily training will be in
letting go [lekh-lekha!] of my obsession to complete a creation,
and the rules of the game are - see intro.

As to freeing myself from my obsession:
I have released so many judgments
about what I should do, ought to do, am meant to do.

In one sentence:
I release the judgment, that I must prevent others from judging me or being hurt or disappointed by me
I'm now capable of sensing and accepting SHAME, GUILT, HELPLESSNESS and REJECTION of my gifts


I've truly made some progress towards freedom from all those judgments.
But when it comes to the pressure of completing something I have started,
I'm a pitiable, pathetic slave of my own expectations from my own self.

During the last week of 2007,
while endeavoring to learn by heart the song about my great idol,
Eliezer ben Yehuda,
I was more and more influenced by the humor of Yaron London's lyrics,
and the lightness in Hava Alberstein's singing:

"Aren't you ever going to sleep, Eliezer ben Yehuda?
The Hebrew language which has waited for 2000 years,
it can very well wait until tomorrow morning!"
And then this other line:
"If the Hebrew languages has been asleep for 2000 years,

Let's wake her up and invent "yuzmah" ["initiative"]"


Suddenly I watch myself adopting these 3 Hebrew words:
"nu - az - ma"
whenever I feel afraid, that I have done or said something,
that has triggered another,
or irritated somebody (e.g. my son about my technical clumsiness)
or worse - caused another GUILT.
Or feeling, that another is pressured, or in other ways not loving herself or her life.

Yesterday Efrat received a channeling from Nomi Heifetz:
'One of the things on which you do a real "doctoral thesis" in this life,
is to find out the limits of responsibility for those around you.'
I wished, someone had given ME this channeling years ago
about the difference between feeling responsible and acting on it:
.

To not deny my compassion and pain because of others,
(like expressed in the face of the angel in "Heaven above Berlin",
when s/he couldn't prevent that man from jumping to his death),
and to not drag them into my field of responsibility either
(Mona after an incident with one of the Arab participants at Nes-Amim, 1979,
when I "took too much to heart" the humiliation that was caused to him:
"people are capable of bearing some pain").

For if I let others spoil my own happiness,
I burden them with additional responsibility.

See what I NOW read in last year's diary,
after I had scanned my first "travel-log"
about the time in a summer-camp in "Rot an der Rot" in 1951
and an incident of great anger on the part of the woman in charge:
My friend Frieden (=peace, her nickname) went to Sister Frieda:
"Please go to Christa and console her,
she takes everything even harder."

And then – on the other hand – I quote from "Godchannel>Interview with the Folks (4)":

"....whatever you see as 'another'
is only a reflection of a part of yourself
that you have projected outside of yourself.

"When you own the outer reflection,
either 'positive' or 'negative,'
large or small,
you bring another part of yourself from the shadow into the light.
Whenever you take ownership of something that has been outside of yourself,
you take back the outer reflection,
bringing that part into yourself, where it belongs.

"Complete wholeness of being means complete responsibility.
You, the whole being
are not only fully responsible
for all of your behaviors, thoughts and feelings~~~
you are also responsible for all that you experience,
even when it seems that 'others' have caused the experience.
And please distinguish between the original meaning of 'responsibility'
and the more recent usage that means 'blame.'

"Your greatness as a human being is greater than you have imagined so far.
When you are completely whole
you are the one responsible for all experience in Creation.
In your complete wholeness you will realize yourself
as both the cause and the effect of every phenomenon in manifestation.
And best of all,
it will be you, the whole being
who fully realizes
that the Mother's dream
of complete freedom of Will for all beings in Creation
is indeed your own greatest dream."

My first photos in 2008 - 7:30 AM : a mystical sky casts beauty even over what I yesterday called the "raped hill" painfully visible across the family's veranda! I now have a new assignment, when Immanuel is on flight - to walk the dog - little "Nella", acquired from an SOS organization for animals on Dec. 28, "because Mika has to grow up with an animal!" Though I'm not a big fan of dogs, I agree to this principle. My own children had always a dog and at least one cat. It was little Immanuel, who was adamant about treating a sick dog, until it was healed and his parents agreed to adopt it. My own experience with "Maya" and later "Larqa' during the time of driving in "Abraham's Bus-Steps" and later in "Succah in the Desert", was quite strong. But this story may be told another time.

Nella's first day with Mika - 3 days ago

Here is another passage from diary 2006_12_31:
From the "Healing to Wholeness" website
:

I came back with Nella and Mika had not yet left for kindergarden (7:50 AM). Though I'm learning to also limit myself with photographing, after hundreds of photos with Mika already on this site [see overview], and about 120 short video-clips already waiting to be edited, I wanted Mika to say "Good Morning" to "Amnon and Tamar". This is the Hebrew name of this flower, which I brought her this time (when I returned to Arad on Dec. 27, my neighbors, Shalom and Nizza, gave me 12 seedlings, of which I dispersed 11 in my garden), since the blossoming of the birthday hyacinth was too gorgeous to last long. On this morning she gave me a queer look and did not relate to the flower. But when she first encountered it , and later greeted it several times, she couldn't grasp the "Amnon and Tamar". It took us some guessing of how she called it: "Arnon, Itamar, Ayelet", the names of her cousins. And right she is, for the association to the biblilcal Amnon&Tamar is horrid...

From a book channeled in 1991 (?), called "The System" or "Andarean Theory".
During the first months of 2007 I re-read it, choosing and copying what is relevant for me.


Andarean Theory p.11
Our knowledge, understanding, and points of view gradually build from lifetime to lifetime.
But, we must distinguish
between that part of us which constitutes our total experience over the eons of time,
and that part of us that is incarnated upon earth plane at any one time.
The total us, which the Higher self encompasses, does not regress in understanding.
The being on earth, however, may need to experience something
that from a limited point of view would seem a regression.
We are not saved from our individual lessons by our overall knowledge.
And, we must also remember that we choose our lessons.
The more knowledgeable we become,
the greater is the awareness of those things we do not thoroughly understand.
We see where our confusions are.
We see where we need more clarification.
It isn't that there are more lessons the more we advance,
it is just that we see them more clearly.
And, certain parts of our past experiences have to be screened out, so as not to interfere.

The more we advance,
as we pass over we may wish to assist others,
because there are still things that we wish to understand better.
And, by assisting another,
this helps us understand a particular situation better
and we can grow.
It is as though we help a friend with something we understand,
and he helps us with something he understands.
It is a mutual exchange,
and we continue to evolve to other people,
and exchange with other people,
until there is another galaxy that will pull us,
or another urge that will not be of the material-physical plane System at all.

Andarean Theory p.20

Each fragment-entity that incarnates upon the planet has a unique mission,
not only those who advertise that they do.
It is one that can only be carried out by the particular being who lives through it at the time.
Without that one individual, an entire chain of linking human beings would be null and void.
It would lead to the non-experience of many, many people.

Do not look at any one individual's experiences upon the planet
as having greater impact than that of another.
Some are meant to be visible to a greater number of people,
but are no more important in the overall scheme than another.
For, each individual will take from life that which they can use.
No two individuals will perceive what has been said or done, by anyone, in exactly the same way.
Each individual will find what they need or do not need.

Therefore, it is not so much what an individual says or does that they offer to the planet.
It is what the individuals they come in contact with take from the contact,
by the use of their own free will that is important.
One person does not have the influence.
It is the many who take from that person what they can accept.
It is those who are waiting for the information
that have the major impact upon our world,
not the one who gives it, or the messenger.

From Godchannel>Interview with the Folks (4)

There is, indeed, incredible synchronicity in my daily life.
But to realize, that - "by chance" - towards the end of 2007
I voiced the same desire as at the end of 2006,
needed some breathing and accepting as "not advancing"!
Ecce Homo - "see a human being" (said to Jesus by Pilatus according to St. John),
is one of my metaphors for becoming somebody I am not yet...
Another metaphor is the tenth image of the Zen Oxherding Series:
"And he returned to the marketplace",
fat, ugly, laughing, not out-standing in any way,
and still doing his job of making people love themselves.

Today Efrat wanted me to join her drinking coffee at "Rachel's", before going to work. So I went with her to drive Mika to the kindergarden, and on leaving the house I saw a fantastic flower bud. It was so high above me, that I missed part of the image - Tomorrow I might catch the open blossom! A took another picture of this Rachel, an open flower all the time, a woman of 48, with three grownup children - 26,24,22.

Exactly at 00:00 between 2007 and 2008 I had finished and synchronized
the last sculpture of my fourfold path of InteGRATion into GRATe-FULL-ness,
and went out to the veranda to smell the air and listen into the night.

No fireworks, no sign of Sylvester.
We are in a Jewish-Muslim country after all.
I felt whole and full-filled and grate-full beyond any capacity to express it.

Lying in my comfortable bed I had the wish to find myself a "prophecy".
One of my two Bibles-in-paper is here with me at Shoham.
Since I now - thanks to the Bible on the Internet - can easily find and copy texts,
I rarely open my precious bibles - though filled over and over with markings and notes..

This time I held the book in my hands - blindly - so as to be led to something relevant.
At first I was disappointed - Proverbs 1:8 etc.-
a harsh admonition of a father to his son,
to not let himself be tempted to join cruel rogues, scoundrels, thieves.
But even there I found the innermost secret of the biblical message,
that everything is "ONE",
hidden even in the solidarity between rascals: "We'll all have ONE pocket!"

But the real prophecy fell from those pages in the form of a card,
on which I had typed two valuable creations on December 12, 1982

A paper from one of my pupils in "Jewish Thought",
and poems from the first Lebanon War.

The paper is a research on an issue,
to which I have dedicated an entire library:
And yet I did not reach the depth of understanding of my pupil,
Zion Asaf
concerning the ancestors of David, the symbol of the Messias:
Ruth, the Moabite and Boaz, the descendent of Tamar

I don't know, if this addition was in Zion's work, or from another source, in any case I'm glad to have re-discovered it. In the Hebrew Bible there sometimes appear the consonants of a word, which seem to distort the word. This is called "ktiv=written" . In these cases the text adds the "kri", meaning: "this word should be read like this!" The famous Rabbi from Prag expressed 300 years ago, what I have found out myself - with concern to the Rotem-bush appearing twice in Eliyah's story of self-hatred, once masculine, once - in the "ktiv=written" as feminine. The "kri" corrects this to the masculine form of "ONE", but the secret is exactly in the appearance of Aekhad in both genders. See my song for my granddaughter Rotem

On the same double card these poems were sqeezed in: Poems from and about the first Lebanon War 1982 rediscovered a year and a half after the second Lebanon War 2006. There is nothing to say, except: I feel the pain....

As an additional reward for the rich experiencing and creating today,
I received an e-mail with these photos from Narda and Oree.
Offer, born on Dec. 16, 2005, 4 days before Mika, is one of the five children,
who came to this planet and into my life within 3 months.
[only recently have I met another of these 5, in person: Shir, which means "song"]

2009_01_04
Since it was decided, that from January 1, 2009 onward I should no longer create new pages nor sculpt texts on old ones,
new pictures will be inserted on old pages, which have "free space", i.e. their weight is not exceeding 1300 kilobytes.
There are still pictures of the cake-baking , taken on Dec. 19, 2008, the day before Mika's third birthday,
for which I couldn't find a free space in the last pages of K.i.s.s.-Log 2008.
Now - when I had the idea to insert this sequence on the very first page of K.is.s.-Log 2008,
I find it fascinating to compare the situations between January 1 and December 31 , 2008
- be it in our family-again-at-another-location , and be it in Israel-at-war-once-again

After oven and electricity had done their job, Mika was called to dedicate herself to ornamenting the cake.
I can never get enough of watching the dedication in a child's face in general and in Mika's in particular.

back to past ~~~~~ forward to future

Intro to k.i.s.s.-l o g + all dates ~ Library of 7 years ~ HOME ~ contact ~ SEARCH ( of Latin characters only!)                  my eldest granddaughter's video-gallery

whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete

Keep It Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S. - L O G    2 0 0 8

N O , N O, N O !!!!!!!

I, Christa-Rachel Maryam Bat-Adam,
am not "here"
in order to "bring forward", "to create"!
I am here to finally - January 2, 2013 - understand,
why there is such an abyss
between people's ability and desire to create and to give
= KAYIN
(the very name comes from "kaniti"-I created)
and people's (= "God's" -in the Kayin-Hevel metaphor)
ability to receive.
[See just one tiny example of my pain e.g. in Brazil in 2011]
If my receptive centers ("receptacle = "kli qibbul")
are crammed, congested with Lost Will,
then there is no space ("hakhalah")- no "chalice" to receive.
And when my creation is not received,
and when my creativity is not matched by receptivity,
then my creativity recedes and finally dies - literally.
All my life - since the age of 16 -
I tried to empower people, i.e. draw out their creativity,
and I recognize gladly,
that today many people dedicate themselves to do this,
to empower people, draw out their creativity.

But not one person asks:
who will "receive" what a human being has created??
Why has the natural way ("it's why you are here")
worked until now only in rare cases?
In Godchannel's metaphor:
If there is no canvas, there cannot be any painting.

That's why I was gently and over so many years guided,
"to cease to manifest" and instead "to drive backward"
to redeem Lost Will and dissolve the Guilt.
For only then will creativity and receptivity be balanced,
and   only   then   can   people's   c r e a t ivity   b l o o m .

 Violet Book p. 121: "Guilt held the Will back from expressing Herself,
 because   it   was  not   understood   why   this  expression   was   necessary.
With the outward flow shut down, the Will became overloaded.
Once the receptive centers were full, no more could be taken in.
Emotional expression allows expansion in the capacity to receive.
[2013-01-02-07: I want to phrase it a second time:
It came down on me like a lightening and a thunderbolt together,
that the filled-up, the crammed, the congested receptive centers
are also the reason for what has troubled me for so long:
the imbalance between what people in this world want to create and to give,
and what these same people can receive and take in - the metaphor of Kayin

So if I can't receive other people's creations,
how do I expect other people to receive mine?
It is not a "judgment/belief", as I wrote above, 5 years ago,
that I need people to receive my creations, my gifts (re'uni).
It is a survival   n e e d   of every human being.
And my even more frequent and more immense pain,
when I see other people's creations not being received,
can only be coped with,
if I work on healing the congestion with Lost Will in myself,
and - by extension, as a hologram - in everyone else.

[See what I now phrased against the last sentence of "Spirit" in "Redeeming asuric Essence"