Finetuning to my Present

The time spent in the clinic with Efrat and Mika
let me observe what once caused me such shame:
that time, not spent on creating,
always seemed to be a little "wasted".
I never succumbed to this addiction, though,
and my mind knows very well,
that there would be no "creation",
if there would not be physical interactions and actions.
I can accept this ambiguity now
and live those "less intense" moments to the fullest.


Micha brought me here yesterday night,
though Immanuel will fly only on Thursday morning.
It would have been too strenuous
to return to Arad from Mazkeret Batya this morning
and to travel north to Shoham again the next evening.
Thus I have the chance to enjoy the "holy trinity" for two days,
though it is my principle to be here only, when Immanuel is absent.
But this situation implies less "holy lonesomeness" and less intensity..


If ever anyone of the actors in my life drama should read this,
please forgive me and under no circumstance draw the conclusion,
that you should "leave me alone"!
It was my choice to join Efrat this morning!

Mika had been with high fever for 5 days on and off ,
and though Immanuel didn't find it necessary, that we go to the clinic,
Efrat wanted to be at peace and asked me if I would come with them.
There was much to watch and much to think,
the clinic in general, the staff, the patients,
a tiny baby crying in a manner, that my intestines were being squeezed.
I felt the same, when Mika screamed inside the x-ray room,
not because of pain, but because she is fed up with clinics etc,
after her accident in July 2006 and after a history of much sickness:
I remembered (see right frame)



There were other experiences:
like glimpses into a TV program which brought up memories
about my work on my "Bir'am-model" in the Upper Galilee.
And then when we drove home after a good time with Mika in a cafe,
Mika and I watched the rain-drops on the window,
and how now and then one drop amoung the thousands
suddenly started to move, to swallow the drops under it,
move faster and faster, until it ran to the bottom in one streak.
Never in my life have I engaged in such observation.
Mika shrieked with delight, and so did I!

"Driving Backward into the Future" = "Closeups to the Past" = Healing&Harvesting my Past

I remembered three hospital experiences, one with each of my children,
with Immanuel, 3 1/2, when the neighbor's dog had torn his tear-canal,
and when - after an operation of 2 1/2 hours - I could visit him,
he was blind-folded and only said, when I approached him:
"Is this you, imma?"
and with Ronnit during an operation of tonsils and nose,
and most painful a scene, of which the screams of Mika reminded me;
Micha, 3 1/2, was so sick,
that the doctors took him to retrieve fluid from his spine.
I was standing outside the room, hearing my child's screams,
learning then, that they diagnosed "Meningitis",
knowing, that my mother's brother was afflicted by this at the age of 12,
and not really "normal" ever since,
and the Nazi euthanasy program finally let him die.
I left the hospital alone, sobbing my heart out.
But Micha did not have to share my uncle Wolfgang's destiny,
the disease was healed and he has been healthy ever since.