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had already lost some of the Will presence they emerged with, but I did not know where it had gone. I had found some pieces of Will that had become lost from these spirits. It was wandering around the Godhead. I returned these Will fragments to the Godhead Spirits, but they did not hang on to them for long. These fragments were not all the Lost Will these spirits had then and the next time this Will became lost, I did not find it for a long time.

The Mother was getting impatient with these spirits now also. She did not understand why these spirits now did not accept or appreciate the lessons they were being given and wanted to deny the validity of what We had to offer. I felt She had too much anger and impatience with them. I did not realize Her excessive anger was because She had never moved Her original anger that they had emerged with too little Will. She had felt rejected by them from the beginning, and the more they denied what Will they did have, the more rejeted She felt. I know now that the Will reflects whatever the Will rceives, and that the Mother could only respond to spirits with whatever they gave Her. Then, I wondered why She seemed to have so little ability to love so many of the spirits that had emerged. I had not realized it was because she reflected the feelings the spirits had for HER!

SOME UNERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN

Then, I felt that Her anger was out of proportion to the situation at hand, and that She was even mad at spirits for things She felt they were going to do but had not done yet. I had anger at Her for the way She felt here and I wanted Her to hold these feelings back. Then later, when she did not respond to Me by opening to receive My love, I did not understand why. I now know that the Will cannot hold some things back without having everything affected. I have understanding on the Will now that I did not have then. At that time, I still did not know whether the Will was causal or simply responsive.

At that time, I had an unconscious image of Myself that said I had to be perfect from the beginning, and perfect meant that I had to know everything already.This image was fed to Me by My guilts and fears about whether I was really supposed to be

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God or not. I have since come to peace with My role as God and realized that God also has process or I would not be an evolving God, and that this evolution has a perfection to it that is an evolving perfecton.

The experience I have had since then has allowed Me to understand the Mother in ways I did not understand Her then. I have these understandings to give you now if you would like to have them. I have learned what I am sharing with you now by undersatnding My own reflection and by healing the results of My own denials as they have become ready to heal. I have gotten these understandings by understanding the reflection the Manifested Spirits had to give. Each spirit manifests a part of Me. None of the Manifeted Spirits have total understanding of Me, but each has a part of the picture. Being able to see all the parts, I have been able to learn from My own reflection. I am now sure that I have the understandings that will bring the healing needed, because I have finally been able to assimilate all the pieces in a way that both makes sense and feels right.

I have desire to help the Manifested Spirits to now enlarge the pictures they are holding as much as possible. Many of the spirits have old pictures they have held since Original Cause. Guilt held the Will back from expressing Herself because it was not understood why this expression was necessary. With the outward flow shut down, the Will became overloaded. Once the receptive centers were full, no more could be taken in. Emotional expression allows expansion in the capacity to receive. [2013-01-02: It came down on me like a lightening and a thunderbolt together, that the filled-up, the crammed, the congested receptive centers are also the reason for what has troubled me for so long: the imbalance between what people in this world wnat to create and to give, and what these same people can receive and take in - the metaphor of Kayin - see, what I try to sculpt on K.is.s.log

The problem with not allowing the Will to move has been that even the spirits who had Will presence reached a point where they could not receive anything more from Me. At this point, most spirits looked away from Me, and in doing so, have received no new information. IN looking away from Me, frozen images of “what God is” have remained and have not been able to move because the Will has not moved. These images are not complete enough to give the spirits what they need to evolve.

At first, I thought that time would help.I thought that time would allow the emotions to calm down and then more understandings could be given. I have found that this is not true. If anything, time has layered the conditioning in even more deeply. I now know that the conditioning in the Will must move or there is no possibility of new understandings penetrating the parts of the Will that are already filled with as much as can beheld.

Moving what the Will has been holding so that it is open to

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something new is the thing that has been given the least acceptance on Earth and is the very thing that most needs to happen. Fear and lack of understanding is part of the reason that this clearance has not been allowed, but there is also intent on Earth to get rid of the Will.

Lack of understanding is the ignorance which has bred the fear. Fear has not been considered a pleasant emotion and has even been labeled a “breech of faith in God”. Fear has been denied in so many ways that it is impossible to describe them all, but I will give a few.

There is fear hidden in most of the actions of people on Earth, but you are gong to have feel when it is fear and when it is intent to get rid of the Will instead. The eating habits of many people who have enough food are to help them avoid fear. When laws are made to do something about a problem, fear of powerlessness is often involved. Most behavior that is meant to show lack of fear is an act to draw attention away from fear that is hidden but, nonethelss, present. Anger is often used to hide fear that lies underneath it. There are other emotions that are hidden in actions also, so you are really going to have to feel this to know what I mean.

The Will has received this avoidance and denial and has interpreted it as an unlovingness toward the Will. The Will has not felt accepted and no wonder. Guilt then took over the Will, because the Will feared it was somehow at fault for having feelings the spirits did not want to accept. When the Will could no longer bear to hold the feelings it was not allowed to move, it fragmented. Guilt in the Will, especially in the fragments that are almost consumed by it, is what draws the punishment that the Will fears if it tries to move what it has been holding.

Recognizing the presence of guilt, including guilt that you have guilt, and deciding whether you want to allow it to have power over you anymore is the first step here. If you have desire for guilt to go, you need to let your Will know that you now have acceptance for moving the emotions that guilt has been suppressing. You may have attacks of body pain, especially in your upper back, neck or head, after expressing emotions that you have felt guilty about having.

Understandings on guilt combined with the acceptance of the emotions that guilt has had the power to suppress, will move guilt out of you. You cannot win an argument with guilt, but you can give yourself more acceptance as

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that guilt no longer remains an unseen dictator. Overthrowing this dictatorship is what you must do with guilt.

Part of My Process has been to face the reflection of My own guilt which said to Me that if I were really fit to be God,I should not need process, I should already know, and if I didn't already know, then I had no business emerging a Creation which I could not guide properly. Guilt will always tell you you should be doing better than you already are.

I had enough understanding to bring forth the Creation or it would not have happened. There was no way to know in advance of the experience what the experience had to teach Us. Just as I had learned enough to manifest the Creation when the Creation came forth, I have now learned enough to heal the imbalances manifested then. I still have to learn what the manifesting of this healing has to teach Me. I will keep you informed if you open to receive Me. You have to understand that you will never get ahead of Me because the Godhead vibrates faster than anything else.

Full self-acceptance has been lacking in My Creation, and coming into full self-acceptance includes accepting your point of manifestation. All the spirits manifested after I had had existence for a long time, because they had a desire to learn from Me and to let Me go first so that they could learn from Me. Each spirit manifested in the place that was right for it, and each spirit manifested in response to the vibration in Me that called it forth.

If you found a group around you, you are group oriented; if not, you are individually oriented. Both orientations are fine. You have to accept yourself and your right place or you cannot evolve as you need to. Understandig is that the progression in which you manifested is the progression in which you needed to manifest, and this progression gave you a relationship to Me that is right for you and allows you to receive from Me in the ways that feel best to y0u. Getting closer to Me than is comfortable, or farther away from Me than is comfortable, does not allow you to receive Me in the ways that you need to receive Me.

I have gone through a long process with spirits who have not wanted to accept their emergence. What I have been facing here has been a reflection of My own guilt. I had to face the guilt I had over feeling responsible for everything, and the blame I felt toward others when I did not want to have to feel that I was responsible for everything. You are going to have to face the same things in yourselves.

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I have originated everything and so I have caused all of it. This was the source of guilt's power to tell Me that everything was My responsibility. Guilt gave Me the feeling that blame was not right, and I tried to avoid blaming for a long time. I later found out I had been blaming in a gapped state. By "gapped state", I mean that I was not aware of My blame because I felt justified in doing what I was doing. Guilt had been getting Me to bend over backwards for everyone much more than I really wanted to, and was making Me feel like I was not a loving God if I didn't want to do this. I was suppressing My anger here because I feared that guilt was right and that everything I was having to do needed to be done. One of the judgments here was: "It is not loving to blame others; I have only Myself to blame."

When My anger and blame got loose, it went out in a state of denial and hit the ones I thought should take more responsibility for themselves. These spirits then came to Me claiming they had been victimized by demons who did not have light or love. I had to realize later how this had happened. I had a desire for this to happen to them, but I had not allowed this desire into My conscious mind because I had judged against it so heavily. When I first realized this desire was present, I blamed the Mother for having it and still did not accept that I felt it Myself. I thought She had evil or unloving intent.

Understanding here is that all the Spirits do have to take responsibility for themselves. I have originated everything, this is true, and the spirits have followed My lead. The spirits have had their own free Will from the beginning, however, and each has responded to the vibrations within Me that have attracted them. I have responsibility for having originated the vibrations and the spirits have responsibility for being drawn to particular vibrations in Me. I have responsibility for My Lost Will that has not known how to move through things when I would not give acceptance to its process, and the spirits have responsibility for their Lost Will in the same manner. Spirit must open to receive Will now and Lost Will must be willing to open and and receive Spirit. Will essence that does not want to open to My light now will go outside of Me along with the Spirit essence that does not want to open and receive Will now. Lost Will must be allowed to get the message, though, that it can heal this time.

I had no idea it would take so long to get the Lost Will to open to Me once I understood how it had gotten lost. I had to try everything to understand how to get it to open once it had closed.

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I have intent to let you know that Lost Will is not to be sent outside of Me just because Spirit does not want to try very hard to get it.

Intent makes the difference here. Intent is what I found had made the difference originally. Those who had intent to deny the Will did not feel the same to Me as those who did not understand the Will. At times, the Mother feared that the rejection She was receiving was all the same, and at other times She was able to realize that some had intent to destroy Her. The Mother has to heal now and She has to know that She is accepted for how She is and not just for how others would like Her to be. She has many facets that have been personified on Earth and most of them have not been very well liked. This is because fear of the Mother has been denied in favor of derriding Her to avoid having to face the fear. The only images of the Mother that have received the pretense of acceptance are images such as the Virgin Mary. The Mother does not like any of the Mother images very well because they have not given a true picture of the fullness of Her nature anymore than have the popular images of Me. People have not seen sexuality, rage or anything else that has been judged "negative" as a part of God. The judgments against these aspects have made these aspects appear to prove the judgments against them.

In the beginning , the Angels felt they were the most favored children, largely because they were the most like Me. Other spirits resented the Angels for this, and yet, wanted to be favored themselves. What is held in the Lost Will around this must also move now, so please allow any feelings you may have in response to any of the spirits as they come forward in the story. It may be that you will feel guilt that you may or may not have had a white light beginning; it may be that you will feel desire to deny the existence of Angels altogether. You may feel anger, jealousy, rage, or hatred toward the White Light Spirits, or even fear that you are unworthy compared to the White Light Spirits. You may have guilt and feelings of unworthiness for having the feelings you have. YOu may hate me for not making everyone the same. You may have blamed Me for a long time for having given more light to some spirits than to others. You may feel you have been persecuted in past lives and believed I was not there for you the way that I was for others. No matter what you feel, you need to allow the emotions to move and release the judgments you have held around them.

I had an ecstasy in the beginning and then fear when I real-

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ized I was attached to feeling good. I had hard times in the beginning with the Mother, but had reached joy later with Her. Next, I had manifested a Creation that had given Me joy in the beginning, and I had felt that it was not wrong to allow all the essence that wanted to share in this experience with Me to come forward and manifest their companionship. Rather quickly, what began as a joyful romp through the heavens with friends became, for Me, hard times. Now, it was not just the Mother who had complaints. I had many complaining spirits who continually wanted to insist that their lack of enjoyment was Our fault.

I had become exasperated with the spirits who had been trying to pin Me down with endless questions that all seemed to begin with some form of "What if." At that time, I had guilt holding Me present with them more than I wanted to be. Today I would say to them, "Either you do not have intent to embrace life or you need to go to the fear underneath the questions and understand your fear."


AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF

When I went into the yard and found that some of My dearet little Angel friends had become confused by Lucifer, even though Heart had been present with them, I felt that it was not possible to give either the spirits in the classroom or in the yard the understandings they needed and have them know it was true understanding.

I felt overwhelmed and I hated Lucifer for doing this to them. I had hoped that they could all remain near Me and never have to learn anything the hard way by going down difficult and painful paths. I knew that Lucifer was wrong, but I could not prove this to them, because they did not understand how I knew this .Even though I felt Lucifer was not right, it seemed I could not stop him. I had the grief of a parent who realizes He is not going to be able to save His children from the very troubles He wanted to help them avoid.

I then gave a look outward into the Heavens and saw that I had trouble there also. I felt that I must go forth to them again in an orderly progression and see what help I could bring.

The Mother did not like it. She had been doing Her best to help Me with the children, and She felt that She had already been waiting a long time to have some time with Me. She wanted to

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have some attention from Me. She did not like it that having children seemed to mean that She did not get to have time with Me anymore. She begged Me to take Her out among the stars and play with Her like We used to before the spirits emerged.

"How can We do that when We have so many spirits that need Us right now?" I asked Her.

"If they needed Us, they would have acceptance for Us. Guilt makes You stay with them," She replied.

I had to admit that She was right. Guilt was making Me stay with the spirits when I would have liked to have a romp. Guilt also told Me that I would be ignoring their needs if I gave in to My desires.

"If you have to decide between the needs of the Mother and the needs of the children, whose needs are You going to meet?" the Mother asked Me now.

I told the Mother that I was going to have to meet the needs of the children first.

"If We don't meet Our needs, We'll have nothing with which to meet their needs," the Mother snapped at me.

I turned on Her and made Her feel foolish for thinking She could be needing sex when there were so many children already.

"What if We have more?" I screamed at Her.

"You think I want more?" She screamed back.

As I had said earlier, the Mother wa holding back full expression of Her rage. She had the feeling that it was not right to give so much attention to the spirits and so little to Her. She felt like Her contribution was overlooked and unappreciated. She felt that it was not right to try to give understandings over and over to spirits who had no Will in which to anchor them.She had rage over all of this, but She was afraid to let it move. When She lost control and gave Me a little outburst, I made Her feel that I wanted Her to cool down quickly and not allow the rage to gain momentum. She was afraid that I would not allow Her to rage and She was afraid I would reject Her for having this rage.

She felt guilt closing over Her the moment She cooled Her rage. Guilt told Her it was not loving to have these feelings and that She was not the Mother She should be if She had so little interest in mothering the spirits. Guilt told Her it was wrong to feel that Her needs should come first, especially if She wanted to put sexual needs ahead of the children's needs.

The Mother tried to put aside Her feelings as I had asked Her to and give Me Her loving presence to go to the spirits. Lost Will got Her denied feelings. The Mother was feeling ill from hold-

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ing back emotion, and guilt told Her She had to ignore those feelings in favor of Her parantal role. I told Her We would make love later when We had a harmonious background in which to do it. The Mother did not believe She could last that long, especially holding back the way She was. I told Her then that if She would just help Me look at the Godhead Spirits, we would take a little break together before We went to the other Manifested Spirits.

The Mother looked at Me and said, "No, God must first be in His right place and then the spirits can get the help they need."

Lost Will holds all the feelings the Mother had to overcome in Herself to be able to confront Me with such certainty. She had plenty of guilt and fear that She was not right, but She also had a strong feeling that She was right. She pulled Me to Her and asked Me to touch Her. I touched what I could then, but I did not touch the Mother enough to fully realize how bad She was feeling. Lost Will is still holding places I did not touch then, but I gave the Mother as much light as I could. I had not realized how slow My vibration had been getting until I felt the exhilaration of joining with the Mother in a feeling of freedom We had not had for a long time. we shot upwards together and had a flurry of small explosions. No spirits emerged that We saw, much to Our great relief.

There was such a great need for light in the Godhead that it was not wrong of Us to have done this, even though Lost Will has held the belief that it was wrong ever since then. We also both had some guilt that We had not included Heat and the Father of Manifestation. It was much later when I understood that the Godhead had lost so much light from the holding back that guilt had been able to get Us to do, that the spirits could not have handled the tremendous and sudden increase in the light that would have taken place if the Four of Us had all made love at once. Even though I have had plenty of uncertainty toward the Father of Manifestation, I also had feelings of guilt and fear whenever He was left out, because something in Me knew, even then that no matter how I was having to struggle to accept it, Heart was right in saying that He was My brother.

The Mother always felt fear and guilt when We made love. Either someone was left out and She felt fear and guilt about that, or everyone was included and She felt fear and guilt about that. Either We emerged children and She was afraid and guilty that they were too many or not right somehow, or We didn't emerge children and She had fear and guilt that She was holding them back. She always had fear that I had expectations of Her that She

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could not fulfill, and guilt made Her feel that She had to turn Me loose to have another if She was not adequate. She hated the feeling that She might have to let Me go, and She hated the feeling that She could not be with Me because We were having too many children. She felt guilty that She had these feelings, and then She felt guilty that when We were together, She was such a mess that I had to give Her a lot of light and help because Her emotions were giving Her no peace. She had feelings that guilt and I and everyone else were right, and that denying Her feelings was the only way She was going to be able to stand Herself. "No wonder no one likes Me,' She would say sometimes, "I can barely stand Myself."

I loved Her, but sometimes I shared Her feelings toward Herself, and sometimes I had great sympathy for Her. This time, I had sympathy for Her and She found peace in My arms for a little while. She feared that it was somehow a stolen peace but, nonetheless, She wished for it to last and She wished for Us not to have to go back to the problems We had left, or if We did, that they would somehow all be fixed. She told Me that She did not like Us having the power to create if We couldn't control how it was going to turn out.

Lost Will got the emotions of rage and fear around the powerlessness We were actually feeling here. We did not feel like expressing these feelings because We did not know how to handle them, and We also felt that We could not go on without being able to take a break and escape from Our feelings in order to rest.

We did allow Ourselves to rest for a little while and the Father of Manifestation joined Us. He had felt feelings of being left out at first, but He also had felt that We could not all be together at once, given the situation at hand. When He joined Us, it increased Our light and Our presence even more. He told Us that Our orgasms had increased the light the spirits were receiving and that it had helped some of them, but others had seemed to get worse and act as though they were being hurt by it.


THE MOTHER SUGGESTS THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT

This made the Mother feel even more guilty, but She expressed anger. Her feeling was that all the spirits had been born of orgasm and that if they didn't know how they got here, it was

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time they found out. She no sooner said this than something seemed to stab at Her from within, giving Her the feeling that Her statement was not right. She suddenly felt that We had some spirits that did not like orgasm and had not come forth as a result of orgasm.

"I don't know how it could be possible," She said out loud, once She realized The Father of Manifestation and I were feeling Her. She felt like She needed to tell Us something now that She had been feeling and holding back because She did not understand it. She told Us She had felt there had not been an opportunity before, but the feeling She had just had made Her feel like She needed to bring this forward now.

"Sometimes," She said, "when I have gone out into the darkness to open space, I have felt things I did not like. If You have not come to Me immediately, i have felt like I was being bitten or ripped at. It hurts Me and it has made Me feel afraid to go into the darkness and be alone until You light up the space I have opened. I want You to go right with Me and not leave any gap at all. At first, I was not going to mention it because I don't want to complain about everything, but now I'm afraid that We might have something manifesting that likes darkness, and I don't want to find it when I go out there and I don't want it to manifest through Me."

The Father of Manifestation and I both told Her that We had never felt or seen anything like what She was describing now. The Mother answered that these things were never there when Our light was.

"They are like monsters," She said."They are terrible things, and I'm afraid they have intent to hurt Me. I have an utter revulsion towards them"

We had to take the Mother at Her word because We had not experienced this, but She had such a strong feeling about it that it did not seem that She could have made it up. Lost will got the fear that She was just imagining things in response to fear that She already had. Lost Will also got the fear that maybe it was Us She was receiving here and She did not know how to receive Us in a way that would not ring Her pain. All the hapless ones that have met fates in the darkness that others never see or even really believe, have personified the Lost Will here.

Our response to the Mother at that time was to say that whatever was going on, We needed to find out about it. We all agreed

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that We would begin by taking another look at all the orders of spirits, one by one. I called to Heart and asked Him to help Us now by asking all the spirits to go back to their place of emergence so that We could see how they had emerged, and feel whether it seemed to be their right place or not.

We followed Heart now in progressing through the orders of spirits. I wanted to recover some orders and regain some harmony in Creation so that We could enjoy it the way Heart and I had envisioned We would enjoy it.



EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANCIENT ONES

We started with the Ancient Onces. We found that they had begun fighting among themselves about things such as who had the most power, who had emerged first, who was the oldest. The Ancient Ones had also been fighting about where the line was really drawn between God and the Manifested Spirits if, indeed, they were not God. Now, I have acceptance for these feelings and I want them to be expressed and resolved. Then, I did not like it because it looked to Me like the Ancient Ones still wanted to tell Me that they didn't like the job I was doing, and that they wanted to find a way to replace Me with themselves. I still do not want the Ancient Ones to do things in My place, but I have acceptance now for their feelings as part of their process of realizing that they did manifest out of Me. The Spirits involved here now realize there is a gap in speed of vibration between Us. The Ancient Ones are the closest to Me in speed, but they are not as fast as I am and they are going to have to accept this now and stop trying to slow Me down by insisting that I must listen to them. The Ancient Ones have many guilt fragments on Earth that have been holding the guilt they denied having about confronting Me the way they did.

The Ancient Ones had decided among themselves that heart and the father of Manifestation both needed mates, and that these mates should come from their order and would rightfully be God even if the rest of the order was not. The arguments about who was oldest or most powerful had begun around the issue of who would be the mates of Hear and Body, The oldest ones were claiming to be female, and claiming that they were the manifest mates for Heart and Body.

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The youngest one claimed that it was not fair to decide that the first emergence was the closest to God because they had all become conscious within at the same time, and that emerging the way they had was because an orderly progression made sense.

"Actually," he said, "emerging last just makes me the most polite because I was willing to let everyone else go first."

I gave the Ancient Ones My views then, including My opinion that oldest was not necessarily most God-like. I told them that if Heart and Body were going to have mates, They would want to have free choice in the matter.

Lost Will got the Mother's fear then that She was only with Me because She had manifested right there and had given Me no choice. Guilt also started telling Her then that no matter how much She might think We loved one another now, it had never been tested and that it was only right for Her to allow Me to try others if I wanted to.

The Ancient Ones have Lost Will that has acted out their insistence that marriage is an arrangement that should be based on position and considerations of power. Their Lost Will set out to try to prove them correct here because they were afraid to inisist on this view directly to My face. The Ancient Ones always took in My views and then set about trying to prove Me wrong wherever they did not feel in agreement with Me.

I did not think that they had any serious threats to their order present in these squabbles, and so I told them they were going to have to go through whatever they were going to have to go through to learn whatever they needed to learn. I told them they were making a game of their fighting and that I liked that because they could learn and have fun at the same time.

"You have made a game of everything I have seen you do so far," I told them. "Why not go forth and teach the spirits to play games?"

I had fun in mind here, since the Ancient Ones had emerged to have fun and celebrate the joy of existing in Creation. The Ancient Ones received Me as best they could, but they were not ready to let Me settle their arguments by giving a speech. They have Lost Will that has been acting out misunderstandings because it never worked through the feelings that would have allowed the understandings. The Ancient Ones, at that time, largely tried to put aside some of their own feelings in favor of bringing playfulness and joy to others, no matter how they may actually have felt in themselves. Some Lost Will here believes that making

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a game of their feelings will solve the problems without having to go through real fighting or real bad feelings. Playing games has been both a strength and a weakness of the Ancient Ones, and in some cases, the Lost Will has revealed some hidden intent that did not feel loving. The Ancient Ones need to let their real, angry, fighting, competitive feelings move now so that they can evolve to the true joy they seek, but which has always eluded them because they cannot successfully ignore what does not feel joyful to them.


GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS

The Great Arc Angels were next. They had Lucifer in their midst claiming he was one of them. The Great Arc Angels seemed to have grown in light and power since they emerged. I saw then that the Great Arc Angels belonged to Heart. They loved Him and had taken Him in and learned from Him. Light poured forth from them and love was in their hears. Heart was proud of them.

The Great Arc Angels had one great problem: They did not feel that Lucifer was one of them. Lucifer never agreed with them, and yet, he would not admit that he was different from them.

"He gives us trouble no matter what we try to do with him," The Arc Angels said. "He has even told us that he is really God," they added.

I felt that I had to confront Lucifer and when I did, he denied everyting the Arc Angels had said. He claimed that they did not like him because he was greater than they were and that they would not admit that he was meant to be their leader.

"They won't allow themselves to be led," he said.

"But Heart leads them," I replied.

"Heart does not lead them," Lucifer sneered. "Heart stands around and shines light like He is a fountain or something. He doesn't lead them; He lets them find their own way!"

I had to think then of what had happened to so many of the Angels, even though Heart had been present shining love upon them. I feared that Lucifer had some validity to his statement, even though it did not feel good to Me. The Mother intervened then and said that it was not Lucifer who was right. She said the problem was that the Angels had not accepted enough Will to feel that Heart and Lucifer were not the same.

"If they cannot understand that Heart is love and Lucifer is

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not, they will have to learn by seeing what happens to them if they follow Lucifer."

Sometimes She startled Me with both Her certainty and Her wisdom. The Mother had this strength and certainty in Her rage, and the minute She said these things, She would become afraid inside that She might be wrong. She would feel guilty for having been so positive in ways that guilt told Her were not nice. She wondered if She was a loving Mother or not - to feel so angry at so many of the spirits.

Lucifer heard the Mother and began to discredit Her statements. He told Her it was not right to put feelings on some sort of pedestal above reason. He told Her that feelings were not all there was, even though She might think so. The innuendo he threw Her was. that She was so self-centered that She couldn't value anything else. He also told Her that the other spirits had rejected Her presence because they did not like having to feel what She had to offer.

"When have You ever been without fear?" he asked Her. "Fear holds everything back and does not allow anything to go forward without unpleasantness."

The Mother shrank from Lucifer because now She was not sure who was right. She felt a chilling and sickening fear.

Lucifer pointed at Her, "See, You're afraid right now. Even the truth frightens You. You cannot even stand the truth." Guilt told Her She could not oppose Lucifer because She could not be sure he was wrong.

The Mother looked to the Father of Manifestation to see how He felt. The Father of Manifestation had felt Lucifer here and now indicated that Lucifer was not a Great Arc Angel but was one of "them." The Father of Manifestation had begun referring to the spirits that did not feel good to Him as "them".

Lucifer attacked Him next saying that form was a lot of the problem We were having with Creation.

"All these different forms are giving rise to feelings that are not allowing the spirits to get along with one another," Lucifer said, and then he went even farther in his next statement. "You cannot blame Me for the problems You are having in Creation. Form and feelings are the problem. Without then, You would have nothing amiss."

Then Lucifer pointed at the Father of Manifestation and said, "He is the real cause of the problems. Until He came along, the Mother knew She had to listen to You." Lucifer meant Me and

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the innuendo he gave Me was that I was not a man anymore because of what My woman was doing.

"If others think I am more fit to be God than You are because I have better understandings to give, I cannot help that," Lucifer continued, "but I have not said it Myself." The innuendo he gave this time was one of "I don't have to say it."

We denied a lot of feelings right there because We did not want to let Lucifer know how he had made Us feel. We had a fear that he would only feel more powerful if he saw that. Lost Will got a lot here, but rather than list it, I would rather let you see how it is later going to manifest.

We all had fear that Lucifer was telling us something that We could not ignore, but We wanted to get together on it later when he was not around. Then, We acted impatient with him and let him know that he was dismissed. We told the Great Arc Angels that We did not think Lucifer really was one of them and that they should ignore him and that when We discovered what his right place was, We would put him in it. We told Lucifer that he was not to force his company on any spirits that did not want him around.

Lucifer got Us to deny Our feelings in front of him, which made him feel that he was more powerful than We were and yet, it was not wrong that We did this. We had this fear also; otherwise, why would We have denied Our feelings? i now know that it was because We were denying these feelings in OUrselves already that Lucifer was even able to reflect them to Us in that way. Already, within Ourselves, part of Us felt Lucifer was wrong, and yet, in part of Ourselves we feared that what Lucifer was saying was right. Since We had not moved these feelings in OUrselves we could not move them in front of him. I had to learn this, though; I did not know it then. I had to learn this by seeing the Mother later go ahead and try to move Her feelings in front of Lucifer and see that He had no acceptance at all for Her.

I have the tortures of Lucifer to bring forward in another book because he tortured the Mother for a long time [at Delphi?], empowered by Her fear and guilt that She was responsible for all that was wrong in Creation, including having called Form into being. Then the Mother had nightmare visions of how Lucifer wanted to treat Her that made Her almost unable to look at him.

We went on to the Lesser Arc Angels and found, more or less, the same thing. They had learned much from Heart, and they also had some spirits hanging around that did not seem to

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belong in their order. There were only a few of them, but there was a distinct feeling to them that was not the same as the Lesser Arc Angels. The Lesser Arc Angels did not like them, but were trying hard not to show it.

Guilt had been telling them that it was not loving to dislike others. Because I had told Lucifer to leave the Great Arc Angels alone, the Lesser Arc Angels were hoping that I would also solve their problems for them by telling these spirits that did not fit in to go away. The Lesser Arc Angels had been letting these spirits hang around because these spirits had been claiming they had no place to go. The Lesser Arc Angels did not want them to be homeless, but they hoped We would take them and find them another home At first, it did not seem that it would be very hard to find these spirits another place, because We had not looked at very many orders of spirits yet. Surely We could find them a home someplace, or make them one. The Lesser Arc Angels were greatly relieved.

The Lesser Arc Angels asked Us some questions that Heart had not answered for them. They wanted to know if Form was important or not. I told them they had to see what form a thing took to know what it was. I was wrong, and this needs to move now. I did not realize that I was trying to give form more importance in the balance of things than it really has because I was afraid Lucifer had spoken My secret feelings toward form. Giving form was only one of the powers of the Father of Manifestation, and even He did not feel that form needed to have that much importance given to it. He felt that I was patronizing Him, and yet, He wanted My acceptance and He wanted harmony between Us, so He did not contradict Me.

There has been a form and essence confusion in Creation that needs to move now. Just because something has the right form does not mean that it is what it appears to be. Many spirits got led like lambs to slaughter by this misunderstanding, and for a long time, I have had great grief and guilt over what went into the Lost Will here because it has not moved in all this time. Instead, many people have blamed themselves for not being loving enough instead of being able to realize that they were being trapped by forms that had no acceptance for their love.

The Lesser Arc Angels were more child-like than any spirits We had emerged so far, and it was particularly painful for Me to watch them suffer with this misunderstanding because of their child-like playfulness and innocence. The form and essence con-

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fusion also gave the Lost Will more than We realized here from having made the judgment that it was not loving to treat others in ways that you yourself would not like to be treated. The form of how others were treated became more important than the essence of it. Guilt has also caused spirits to overlook how they are being treated in favor of how they treat others. This guilt began in the Lesser Arc Angels because they did not want to make any spirits homeless just because they did not like having them around. The form and essence confusion I gave them then made it even harder for the Lesser Arc Angels to know how to proceed. This misunderstanding has had its effect on all other spirits also.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" has been fulfilled more often in form than it has in essence. Most people do not even allow themselves to notice the difference here. Most people think that if they have an understanding, others should take on the same form of implementing it that they have. As an example here, how often, when you have a desire to have something, do you give it to someone else as a gift rather than giving the other person what they would really like to have? Guilt has further complicated this by telling people it is unloving to give honest feedback if it means saying they like the gesture, but do not like what they have been given. There has been a lot of fear that not loving what someone has done means that you don't love the person. Rather than feel this way, most people have tried to overlook the form, the gift for example, and appreciate the essence as a loving gesture. Form and essence have to align for love to manifest. If you deny one, the other cannot evolve.

At that time, I had a long way to go to understand what I have just said and I did not even know that I did not already understand it. I now know that form has its right place along with everything else, but I had to deny it to learn what happens when it is not aligned with essence. I have understanding to give on form that has not been given before , but it will not be given until the last book in this series because it is not right to bring it forward now. I have to tell you what form has gone through first so that you will be ready to understand form for what it is.

The lesser Arc Angels are not wrong to have Lost Will on Earth now, because they needed to learn a lesson about form also, but they need to allow the misunderstandings to heal now.

The Lesser Arc Angels also need to know that it was their own Lost Will that they did not want having around them then,

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and it was their own Lost Will that they are afraid they made homeless so long ago. They need to let all their feelings move on this, and at the same time, release their guilt by understanding that it was not wrong to make this Lost Will go away from them then. This Lost Will could not align with the Lesser Arc Angels then and needed to have the experiences it had to learn what it needed to learn.

This statement is not meant to imply that all the emotional pain suffered in the experiences is to be cleared by simply telling it what the understanding is. The emotions must be allowed to move until they ar ready to accept the understanding without having to pressure in any way to be rid of the pain before the emotions are ready to let go of the pain. Deep conditioning needs repeated emotional release on the same issues. Recovering Lost Will means even more emotional release than that because Lost Will essence returning to you has to go through whatever process it has to go through to catch up with the understandings the rest of you has been getting while it was lost.

The lesser Arc Angels are not the only ones that needed lessons on form; We all did, but the Lesser Arc Angels have had the most guilt about allowing themselves to feel the essence within the form, and have feared it was both judgmental, and going against God's wishes, to allow themselves to recognize unloving essence within a form that guilt has told them is loving. We left the Lesser Arc Angels in a state of confusion, without realizing the full extent of what We had done to them and went on to the Angels.


EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS

On this very day, May 22, 2012 -
I came across a list at the end of the pages copied from "Bringers of the Dawn":
"More than 7000 pages in Czech and 18000 pages in other languages
and 5000 pictures about Cosmic people – Angels of Heavens – can be found on websites"

When We got to the Angels, We discovered that they were not sure anymore what orders they belonged in. They were even more mixed up than when I had tried to straighten them out earlier. They had guilt telling them that they had too much light compared to some of the other spirits I had manifested after them. They were afraid they had held back light from these spirits in order to have it for themselves. They had original guilt telling them it was not even right to separate the light from the darkness at all. They were afraid they had taken their light at the expense of everything else that looked darker than they did.

The Angels had emerged in a position that was almost Mani-

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fested Spirits, and yet, they were not. They had the position of Godhead moving into manifestation, and they were unsure whether they were Godhead or Manifested Spirits. The Angels were transition and they were having trouble trying to be both Godhead and Manifested Spirits at the same time. I told them they needed to understand that they had both of these realities in them, but they were not really both; they were themselves, and they had emerged for a purpose which they could not fulfill if they were mixed up themselves.

I could see more clearly in looking at them here how they had gotten so mixed up. They had not understood who they were. They had Godhead energy that needed to go forth into manifestation, and yet, they were not Manifested Spirits themselves. They had a delicate balance to maintain and needed to know many things in order to handle it. They had desire to understand more about themselves now, but I felt I had to straighten their intermingling out first.

Angels of the same order had been merging together and so had Angels of different orders. In quite a few cases, the pieces that were mixed together as though they were one being were all insisting that they were the original piece and that it was the others that had to leave. Many of the pieces that were mixed together were not aligned enough to do anything other than squabble about how to proceed. The confusions Lucifer had given them were making matters even worse.

I asked them to feel what parts seemed to be in their right place so that We could help the other parts that were not at home to find their own right place. The Angels said that Lucifer had told them it was wrong to feel, because it led to having preference for one thing over another. I saw then that what I perceived as squabbles among them, they wanted Me to perceive as theoretical arguments. They wouldn't admit to actually having disagreements because guilt told them that disagreements meant they had preferences.

From the very beginning, the Angels had secretly thought they were My favorites and this had opened the door for guilt to tell them that it was wrong to have preference for one thing over another. When Lucifer spoke what their own guilt had been telling them, they believed He was right because He spoke what they were afraid to speak and because His light looked so bright. The Angels had equated brightness of light with God presence and have had this confusion for a long time. Most of the teach-

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ers on Earth who have been Angels have given this confusion to the ones they have taught. The ones who have this confusion need to realize now that loving presence is God presence, no matter what form it takes.

I had a job on My hands that was not an easy one to handle. The Angels had many confusions that had allowed them to get mixed up, and these same confusions were not allowing them to get straightened out. They had a desire for Me to help them, but they were so confused about what was understanding and what was misunderstanding, that they were unsure about what I was trying to do with them. They had the fear that Lucifer was right in some places and I was right in some places and they were unsure just what was which.

The Angels had fear of being manifested at all, and many wanted to handle this fear by clinging together in a big ball. Many felt less afraid this way, and the ones that weren't less afraid were at least distracted from their fear by the confusion. They wanted to deny this fear and insist that as long as they had the same mass of light, it didn't matter how it was arranged.

Many of them feared that it was not right to be Angels because it felt like a limitation that they had not foreseen. They had thought that having white light would mean that they were unlimited. After the Manifested Spirits came forth, and the Angels began going out to them, it felt to the Angels like they were limited to not have deeper colors and greater density the way the others did. The Angels felt that their forms were not well enough defined, and that they were too filmy compared to the Manifested Spirits. They had begun to equate the filmy, white and indefinite aspects of themselves with weakness. Many of them had begun to wish they were Manifested Spirits instead of Angels. The desire to change into something other than what they were had definitely played a role in the mixing together they had done. I now saw that they even had pieces of Manifested Spirits in them, and that they had left some pieces of themselves in the Manifested Spirits.

The Angels had guilt, anger and fear that they did not want to accept here, and without accepting it, they could not accept how I felt about what they had done. They feared that I meant that they were not to have sexual relationships, which was what they perceived themselves to be doing when they merged together They also had feelings they wanted to deny about having merged with some of the Manifested Spirits. They had shame

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now and they were holding back a lot of frightened grief that they had done a wrong that could not be righted. They were afraid they had mixed themselves up in ways that could never be straightened out again.

Considering how long it has taken the Angels to get to the place where they can straighten themselves out, it certainly looked, from this vantage point, like it would be never. Many of the Angels use the word "never" quite frequently when they are making judgments and their emotions often feel like nothing will ever get better when they are upset.

The Angels have to understand that it is not possible to get past the problem if they won't admit to what the problem really is. The Angels have hidden their problems for so long that many of them are going to have to do some digging to reconnect to what is actually bothering them. The Angels have fear as one of their main issues, and they have covered this fear with a lot of rationalizations and angry blame for others. The Angels have rationalized their angry blame as justified, considering the inability of others to comprehend the complex and deep realities in which the Angels' consciousness moves. The Angels have to forgive themselves for judging against their fear, and for judging they did not do well taking on a parental role with the Manifested Spirits, when they really feared they were still children themselves in relationship to Me.

Denial is a problem with the Angels. They have all wanted to insist that they were more My equal than anything else, and therefore, they were never really children. They have a lot to learn now if they are finally ready to accept it. I have great love for the Angels and they need to understand that it is not wrong that they have harbored resentment toward Me that needs to heal now.

The attention I gave the Angels at first was because they needed it, and because I was fascinated by what they had to offer. The Angels then believed I favored them even over the Mother. They had fear that this was not right in some way, and their fear opened the door to guilt. Their guilt then drew them punishment that seemed to be saying:"God does not like any spirits to think they are His favorites, and the treatment you are going to receive now will let you know how wrong you have been and will convince you that you are not God's favorites." The Angels have held this judgment against themselves and have had a very hard time with the punishment guilt gave them here. They have a lot of healing of pain to do.

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The Angels had started on this path even then. I did not want to see them have to go down it, but I could not stop them, no matter what I tried. The Angels feared My inability to help meant I was not an adequate God, or that I was unloving or that I really did not love them the way they wanted Me to. Their anger and fear have both been denied and the Angels need to understand that it is not wrong to let these feelings move now. The Angels have many feelings they have not let themselves know they have. Moving what can be recognized in what I have already given will open the Angels to connect to the rest of what I have to tell them later.

There is so much information that is needed now, that I have to give a little to everyone in each book and not dwell on any order of spirits for too long. When you have really moved with what I am telling you now, you will get more. I have realized fully that what I give is the right amount at the right time. In the past, I had guilt that I was inadequate and could not provide the spirits with enough. I now know the spirits have some responsibility for themselves that I was not acknowledging then. The spirits have to understand more profoundly now than in the past also or healing will be no more effective than past efforts have been. The quickness of spirit to assimilate information is not to be denied, but spirits desiring manifested existence must understand what that means. The Spirit must find the ways to communicate this to the Will that is so lost it does not even know what you are reading now and this must be done with love present. Lack of acceptance for the Will's seeming slowness is not loving acceptance for its needs, but loving acceptance for the anger at the Will must be given also. When your anger triggers you into fear, or triggers someone near you into fear and the guilt is recognized in this pattern, you will be getting someplace, because the Lost Will is very afraid of the Spirit's anger toward it.


SOME UNDERSTANDINGS THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS NEED NOW

When I went on to the Cherubims and the Seraphims, these two orders of spirits seemed to be having little or no trouble. They seemed to have found balance with one another and to have found many powers in this alliance. They already had a highly devel-

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oped power to survive, and to make living an artistically creative and entertaining event.

The Cherubims and the Seraphims have a lot of Lost Will on Earth that needs to heal now. Their experience on Earth has systematically destroyed most of their joy for living. They have appeared to grow more and more dim and broken over time. They managed to hold on to, so-called, magic powers longer than most other spirits on Earth because they had more balance in the beginning, but they are very fragmented now and their path of healing may seem very frightening to others who are not of their constitution. There is a vividness to everything they do that is even present in the denial thay have experienced.

Guilt plagued Me regarding these spirits. Even though they weren't having real problems when We first checked them, I could see that these spirits were going to have a very difficult time.

These spirits had pleased Us very much when they emerged, and they also had the guilt of feeling they might be favorites of OUrs, especially in view of what they had seen of the Rainbow Spirits' emergencies. The Cherubims and Seraphims thought they had really captivated Our attention. They had a pride in themselves which they denied into their Lost Will as unbecoming. This pride believed they really were superior, but that it was not appropriate to let it be known. I contributed to this pride because I had feelings of loving them more than some of the others, and I did not think it was right to let this be known. The Lost Will of these spirits has incarnated as the indigenous peoples of Earth. IN places where the indigenous peoples have been largely wiped out, and I am speaking here of Indians for the most part, the Seraphims and the Cherubims have often had to reincarnate into the forms of the people who took over their land in order to continue their presence there. Dramatic reduction in Indian populations, including Mexico, Central and South America, has not allowed the essence of the Cherubims and Seraphims to retain enough power in the forms they had so much loved earlier, although some have kept their Indian forms. The ones incarnating into the forms of the ones who had conquered them did it partially because they had no other form available, and partially because they wanted to try to love their enemy and to help their enemies to love and value them. They have always kept the desire for color and drama in their lifestyles and have often ended up being outcasts among the peoples they have sought to open to their ways.

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The Cherubims and Seraphims have guilt which they have held in a state of denial that is the cause of their problems. They had guilt telling them it was not right to feel they were favorites of Mine, and they have punished themselves in measure with how favored they believed they were. They also had guilt telling them from the beginnng that it was not right of them to have more of everything than other spirits had.

These spirits also had the guilt of seeming to do better than those around them. Guilt told them it was wrong to think there was any reason for their good fortune and that their day would come. They also feared that they could not keep themselves balanced if those around them were continually imbalancing themselves. They asked themselves the question "Why are we doing so much better than the others?" They felt they were dong well because they had superior understanding on living a manifested existence. Their unrecognized guilt told them this was foolish pride. The feeling of doing better than the other spirits around them then gave the Cherubims and the Seraphims the feeling that they were riding for a fall, and they got it because they could not shake the feeling that it was going to happen. They pushed these feelings away and thought it was a solution, but Lost Will brought its reflection to them, nonethelss.

These spirits need to understand that there are many reasons why they have lost many of their powers. Guilt told them it was not right to be what they were, and they were vulnerable to guilt, because somewhere inside themselves, they knew they had asked for more power than was really theirs. Self-acceptance is what they seek. Guilt and blame, pride and shame are all imbalances around the search for self-acceptance. These spirits feared they were riding for a fall and that sooner or later, no matter what they did, the great leveler would come along. The longer they lived in a state of grace, the more they feared that the reversal was being drawn closer to them. Guilt also told them that sooner or later, they would be punished for their feelings of superiority.

Fear was not a respected emotion in their orders of spirits and so the fear was denied and the feeling was surfaced as a kind of fatalistic belief system that, in many instances, eventually led them into a sacrificial approach toward the God or Gods they have at different times believed Me to be. The more guilt gained inroads with the Cherubims and the Seraphims, the more they feared that I loved them initially because they had pleased Me and that they had to continue to please Me or I would not love

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them. In not realizing how they were drawing punishing events into their lives, many feared they had displeased Me. They feared I was punishing them for daring to believe they were favored or superior. These spirits need to understand that I love them no matter what they do.

The Cherubims and the Seraphims also feared they had committed a sin by denying Heart the way they did at their emergence, and this led them into many sacrifices involving cutting out and /or eating of hearts. I did not require or want these sacrifices, but their own unrecognized guilt thought that I did. Many times when they have thought they were hearing Me, it has been the voice of their own guilt instead. They need to accept having emerged to balance the polarity of male and female before they can accept manifested Heart. This is the same thing that I did and it is right for them. They did not really deny Heart in the beginning, and yet they feared that they did. I have not sent punishment to the Seraphims or the Cherubims and they do not need to pay for sins because they have not committed any. I have no desire for them to engage in sacrifice of any kind and I would like them to realize that guilt is the reason for all their pain and sacrifice.

I would really like the Cherubims and Seraphims to hear Me this time and accept My help. It has been very hard for Me to help them in the past because they, like many others, denied the feelings I have been discussing here and would not allow Me to address the problem. Until the real feelings are accepted, real healing cannot be brought.

These spirits also have another belief that needs to move now; the belief that suffering increases spiritual strength. In fact, suffering increases their Lost Will. While some may appear to gain strength this way, the denials involved have increased fragmentation here until some of the Lost Will of the Cherubims and Seraphims has become very broken and vacant looking and is no longer moving Will. The loss of vibratory power here is another reason for loss of power. Some believe that denial makes them strong because it compresses their vibration until they feel rock hard. They have equated this with strength. Others realize that denial reduces their ability to feel and they have equated feelings with weakness.

My own unrecognized guilt also gave these spirits more power than they were really ready to handle when they emerged. Guilt was the reason the Mother gave these spirits so many of Her

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powers. She felt She was not using them as well as these spirits would be able to. I had guilt involved here also, because I had not yet realized that I was pushing more light and power onto the Manifested Spirits than they could actually handle in an effort to make sure that I wasn't shortchanging them to preserve My position as God. My fear and guilt about feeling attached to the role of being God was actually creating a reflection for Me that was able to give Me much more of a challenge for My position that I would have had otherwise, and yet I did not, for a long time, realize how My own fear that I should not be God was creating a reflection that seemed to show Me that I should not be God.

There were many very powerful Cherubims and Seraphims in the beginning that lived for a long time on earth as Wizards and Magicians and made Me feel that I might need to step aside in favor of them. Some of them even acknowledged that they would like to take My job.

I have now balanced this in Myself, but initially these spirits received a large amount of essence from Me that they should not have had, and I have had to take it back as part of the healing process here. This removal of essence from the Cherubims and Seraphims has also contributed to their loss of powers over time. I have also been helping the Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation to reclaim essence that they gave out wrongly.

Many of the powerful Cherubims and Seraphims had a fear of power, and a fear of their powers, and a fear that they might misuse power. These fears were largely because they had more power than was right for them to have and they were not comfortable with it. Their fears around power caused them to try to control it rather than to let it flow naturally. Judgments against power, and blockage in their Will, combined with the denial of these patterns, caught them in in ever increasing dogma and increasingly more rigid ceremonies that actually decreased their power further.

Their intent here was to make sure they used their powers in a safe and balanced way, but without clearing the underlying fears and confusions, this approach was destined to failure. The form of power must align with the essence of it. Healing here needs the release of old beliefs around power and the role of power on Earth. It is time for many old beliefs to be released and for ceremonies to be given new forms. Healing here and restoration

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of lost powers is going to have to come from clearance of denial that have been held for a long time.

I have taken back powers that should not have been given out, but there are still many powers that these spirits can rightfully have if they have acceptance now for the role their own Wills must play in magnetizing these powers to them and in directing them. The Cherubms and Seraphims must desire to have these powers again if they want to regain them, and they must also not try to control powers they do not understand by putting limits on the people who have these powers. Alignment of Spirit and Will automatically directs power righteously. The form that ceremonies must take in the future is the form that is appropriate to the moment and the situation. Clearance in the Will will allow this to be felt. Superstition has to be looked at and understood for what it is.

Many Cherubims and Seraphims are going to try to insist that they still have plenty of power and do not want this advice, but I also know there are many who can understand what I am saying now and who can see that I am saying this from love. The fear that loss of power may have been the result of impurity in the use of or misuse of power needs to be healed. Many Cherubims and Seraphims have given death and guilt the power to annihilate them because they have felt they were wrong to be what they were and wrong to have greatness, strength, abundance, beauty and power.

Understanding here is that abuse and misuse of power are not possible when the ones involved are of good intent. Self-Forgiveness is needed here, along with the understanding that they must allow themselves room to learn. Often they have cut others a wide margin for error and have been very hard on themselves. They have said that this was the tolerant and brave way, but Lost Will here is holding a rage and a furty about the treatment it has received.

When this rage and fury have tried to move, it has been in a denied state, and the Cherubims and Seraphims have not recognized the movement as their own denied emotions. They have thought I sent this upon them as punishment for having displeased Me when in fact, it was their own denied Will essence trying to get them to recognize what they had been denying. Usually these spirits have reacted by believing that they must punish themselves even more for having displeased Me.

The punishment involved pain that they thought they had

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to bear bravely. Bearing it bravely meant denying their Will's response to the treatment they were giving themselves and this increased their Lost Will. Increasing Lost Will increased essence in a state of denial that their guilt was directing against them.

The devastating natural disasters the Cherubims and Seraphims have experienced have been their own denied Will essence, sent into the Earth by those who believed that this was the best place to put it. It has come back on these spirits because it is their own Will essence and must be accepted and healed. It cannot be gotten rid of.

The Cherubims and the Seaphims have to accept the emotions they have rejected and denied in the past and allow them to move now. They have a power to move the earth that can be used in a positive manner and this power is needed now. Judgments that they were wrong to manipulate nature in the past need to be released now along with the understanding that "manipulate" was the word the judgment used. Manipulation was not what was happening here, but unclear and denied emotion in the Will was making the use of power by these spirits take on forms that seemed wrong. Healing the denied Will will bring the balance of form. Acceptance of how they really feel will allow them to use their powers in the ways in which they need to be used right now.

Guilt must move back, however, so that it does not draw punishment to the ones who have power or use their powers. To move back it must be recognized for what it is. Guilt must be replaced with self-acceptance. When guilt has been involved in making spirits feel that they were wrong to have the powers they have had and wrong to use them in the ways they wanted to use them, guilt has drawn punishment to those spirits. The belief that it is evil and selfish to use power to gain the results you want to have is a judgment held in place by fear of being unloving by guilt. This belief needs release now. This judgment has put quite a lot of power into a state of denial, where it has acted according to the instructions the judgments have given it. This power has to be recovered, and the ones needing to recover it must do it in secret, because the ones who have this power wrongly have evil intent and selfish motive, and do not want to give it back. This power can be recovered if you have understanding on how to do it. You will be given these understanding as We go along. For now, implementing what you have already been told will ready you for the next step.

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Not only do the Cherubims and the Seraphims need to realize that nature has come down on them because of their own misunderstandings, but other people have attacked them for the same reasons. There is no way another can attack you unless you do not love yourself. Guilt and denial have empowered these attacks. Guilt is not a loving presence. Guilt has told them they have to give respect to others, whether they deserve it or not. Guilt has told them they should not have sex unless they have readiness to pay for it by having lots of children. People who have been misled by guilt have to forgive themselves for having the misunderstandings that made them vulnerable to guilt, because they were seeking love. Love must be found now instead of guilt. Sin is a matter of intent. If intent is to be loving, then sin is not involved.


SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS

We found the Rainbow Spirits in a state of disarray similar to the Angels. They had mixed themselves together, but instaed of being mostly white light mixed together and remaining mostly white light, they had colors which had mixed together The Rainbow Spirits had made many new colors and some of them looked good. Most of them looked like an artist's palette after someone has smooshed all the colors tgether until they have a darkness that does not allow the recognition of anything.

We had to go order by order, but I am going to give the information all at once since they all told Us the same thing.

The Rainbow Spirits had been trying to take in white light from the Angels. They had also been trying to mix themselves together to get all the colors and make themselves into White Light Spirits. Their efforts were having the opposite effect; the more they tried to make white light, the darker they got. We did not understand why. I have tried everything to straighten this out, and yet the auras of the Rainbow Spirits have, with few exceptions, continued to look like they are badly bruised.

Healing needs to know why now. The Rainbow Spirits had a lack of self-acceptance that was motivating them. No matter how they tried to make their light be white light, they lost light instead. They could not take in light and hold it because the light

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is love and they did not love themselves. They hated themselves in many ways, and they wanted to blame Me for not emerging them correctly. They all told Us they had not been parented right and that they had all been shortchanged at their emergence.

"If You had given us what we should have had, we would have all been white, like the spirits who get so much of Your time and attention. Our home would be there also if You loved us the way You love them. Instead, our homes are these little balls of light out here in the darkness, as though we are outcast children, bedded down in a separate part of the house from the others."

We feared that We had acted wrongly toward the Rainbow Spirits, and We did not know it was guilt on Our part that was allowing them to reflect this to Us. At the time, We thought they were only confirming the uncertainty We had had around their emergences, and it looked like they might be right.

We gave them then the same input they need now, but then, We had guilt that had not been recognized and Our fear around this held back the Rainbow Spirits' ability to receive Us. We told them they needed to accept themselves for what they were, and that We loved them for what they were.

"You have no idea how We marvelled at you when We looked at the rainbow you made when you first emerged. We thought it was the most beautiful addition to the Creation that could have been made." We told them.

"Lucifer made us feel like YOu had given us the position of a carpet that everyone walked on to and from the Godhead. We suspect he is right because You have passed over us and not stopped to give us the attention we need and want," they answered.

We had a guilty vulnerability to the words here, but We did not feel that Lucifer was right, because We knew that We loved them too much to feel they were only something to pass over.

I could not answer them right away because there was a voice in Me saying, "Maybe that is what they are. If You want them to accept themselves for what they are, don't tell them they are more than they are, because You, then, are not accepting them for what they are. Do not downgrade the carpet. Everything in Creatioon has its place." I knew that they had given Us passage somehow and I did not know what that meant.

When I did answer the Rainbow Spirits, they had distrust for My answer because they felt I had taken too long to come up with it. I told them then what I am telling them now.

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"You have specialties; you have aspects of My light that all need to be developed now. The White Light Spirits have the overview and you are specialists who can focus into areas of My light and develop everything that is there."

The Rainbow Spirits had suspicion for this as though they were going to do piece work for the Godhead.

"I thought you had chosen this," I told them then.

"We found ourselves to be colors. We did not know what it meant, but now that we have seen what else there is, we want more than what we have. We do not want to be second class citizens and have to feel like others see more and know more than we do. We want to feel like we can know everything we want to know."

I now know that the Rainbow Spirits had everything they needed, but then, I was not sure. Then, I had a fear that I desired to enjoy their colored light more than they did and that I had perhaps forced them into splits in the light that they did not want to have. I called for Heart to come in now and help Me on this.

Heart appeared instantly before Us all, and said that He was ready to receive any and all spirits who wanted to come to Him now, and that He would give them the love they needed so they could receive the light they wanted to have.

The Rainbow Spirits did not have the response to Heart that We thought they were going to have. We thought they had been asking Us to make things right with them, the way they wanted to have them, and that Heart was now offering to do this by bringing His presence to them since it had been focused in the Godhead at the time of their emergence.

The Rainbow Spirits reacted with a distrust of Heart. They had the suspicion that He was being condescending toward them and, in some subtle way, offering to give them something, and then saying they could not have it because they could not receive it. The Rainbow Spirits feared they could not increase their white light because they had not succeeded in their earlier attempts to receive it from the Angels. They did not like the way they felt around Heart, because Heart was ready to love them and they were not ready to love themselves. The Rainbow Spirits had many feelings that needed to move in them before they could open to receive Heart's love.

The Rainbow Spirits had guilt about how they had emerged that was not letting them know that it was alright. They feared

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they had responded to something in Us that was not acceptable even to Us, because We had gotten in a fight about it, right in the middle of emerging them. They felt many feelings they feared they could not bring forward to Us, because We had touched these feelings during Our fight and had decided that denying these feelings was the only way We could preserve Our love for one another. They wanted to get out of their guilt by blaming others.

Later, I am going to bring forward all of the feelings that have been held for so long in a state of denial, but first, healing work needs to be done with the feelings that were most present then, and are still affecting the spirits who have held the misunderstandings around these feelings for so long.

The Rainbow Spirits have continued to feel that they got shortchanged, and this has caused them to act out in ways that look to others like they have a chip on their shoulder. They also have Lost Will which has wanted to take what they believe they have not been given. The desire to take has gone all the way from making others feel guilty enough to give them more than they want to give them, to conning others, to being shrewd in ways that have made others feel cheated, on into outright thievery and crookedness.

The Rainbow Spirits have always had a flair for making others feel guilty. They have so much guilt themselves, it is easy for them to know how guilt works on others. The Rainbow Spirits have many guilts that need to move out now, and I would like to give some of their most prevalent patterns. Many times in the past when I have tried to give the Rainbow Spirits this information, they have feared receiving it, because they thought it meant that I did not love them. The feelings underneath the guilt must move, because the feelings must move the guilt out. Guilt has no conscousness to move out on its own. If feelings that have not been vibrating, because guilt has held them down, begin vibrating because the person now has acceptance for the feelings, the space guilt occupied is then filled by these feelings and guilt has to leave. The guilts that need to move out now are mostly guilts around feelings the Rainbow Spirits have had, so discussing the guilts and the feelings together is the best way to give these understandings.

The Rainbow Spirits have felt jealousy of spirits they perceive to be having less trouble than they have had, and yet, they have rarely been able to understand what others have really ex-

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perienced, because they have been so caught up in their own problems.

The Rainbow Spirits have fear now that they have no home on Earth, and that if they are going to have a home on Earth, they will have to fight for it, or experience it being reluctantly given. Even when they have given to one another, there has often been reluctance to do so, because of Lost Will's fear that there might not be anything more so they must hold on to what they have. They have tried to take care of what they have and have not seen others as having the same appreciation for things that they have. They have been accused of hoarding for this reason.

The Rainbow Spirits have confusion in their orders about position and age that also need to be mentioned now. They had emergence in a progression of colors and they had two lines of spirits emerge. The first line went down through the rainbow and had more white light with it than gold light. The second line came back up through the rainbow and had more gold light than white light. The reason for this is that the Rainbow Spirits emerged their Spirit polarity first, and then their Will polarity. They emerged polarized similarly to the Seraphims and the Cherubims except that the Rainbow Spirits never accepted their Will polarity as much as the Seraphims accepted the Cherubims. This is because there was not as much acceptance for the feelings around their emergences as there had been in earlier emergences. The Rainbow Spirits had more guilt at emergence than the other spirits did, and they have suffered with it ever since.

When We got to the Rainbow Spirits, they had already begun fighting among themselves about who had the best position. They felt left out of the Godhead, and claimed they did not like the homes We had made for them. They had never gone to these homes to find out if they lliked them or not. They told Us when We visited them this time, that the Godhead was the best home and they wanted to live there.

We loved the planets We had opened for them and wondered why they had never gone there to find out what We had created there. We had made each planet different, but they all had certain things in common. Each planet had an atmosphere that would allow the spirits to vibrate themselves and each had light that would nourish the spirits in the ways that they needed and liked best. Some were moe opalescent and pastel, while others were more vivid and stable; some had greater natures than others, some had more animals than others, but all had the feel-

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ings of the spirits themselves. We could not get the Rainbow Spirits to believe Us that their homes were just as wonderful in their own way as the homes of the Angels, and that they needed homes that were different than the angels' in order to fulfill themselves and be happy.

The Lost Will of the Rainbow Spirits have (sic) not yet accepted their right place as the place they would like to be. They have been wandering ever since they emerged. They have wandered the inner planes and the outer ones. They have mastered astral travel and the ones that have not remained on Earth have mastered space travel.

The Rainbow Spirits came to Earth long ago in large numbers and most of them left after awhile, just as they had left every other place they had gone. The Rainbow Spirits left many behind when they departed, because many had lost the power to leave. Most of the Rainbow Spirits that were left behind were from the Will polarity. Their magnetic nature had gotten too enmeshed in the magnetic energy field of Earth for them to be able to leave with the others. There was a great sadness at the departure on the part of the ones left behind. They felt they were being abandoned in a place that was not right for them. They felt guilt for having the magnetic energy that could not leave with the rest.

Now, the spirits that have been gone for so long have begun to spend time near Earth again. Many have tried to contact them. They have come for the ones they have left behind, but they have been gone for so long that most of the Rainbow Spirits here have given up on the promise these spirits made so long ago to come back and get them when they found their true home. The Rainbow Spirits that have been left for so long on Earth have tried to tell themselves that it is not right to hope for a better life than the one they have right here on Earth, but they could not help but hope for it anyway.

Besides patterns of wandering as gypsies, circus and carnival people, wandering minstrels and magicians, much of the Lost Will of the Rainbow Spirits on earth have been the Jewish people. They have had an old wish to be chosen, to be lifted out of here and taken home to Zion. Their guilt about this has caused them to be punished over and over in very unloving ways.

The Jewish people have made others feel that Jews cannot accept other ways of life because they have a better one. They have covered their fear of inferiority with an air of superiority, and the lack of self-acceptance involved in this whole Rainbow

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Spirit pattern has drawn punishment which has dragged them down into some of the lowest realities available on Earth. They have given themselves in the name of love, but it has been guilt they have given themselves to . What guilt does to its victims is not a loving thing to feel or a pretty thing to see. There is a huge backlog of emotion that needs to move around the experiences of many of the Rainbow Spirits on earth.

The Rainbow Spirits have never found a land that really feels like it belongs to them because Earth is not their planet, and they have never accepted their true homes.

They have always fought among themselves about who has the best position in relationship to Me. The Rainbow Spirits have had pride, competition and lack of self-acceptance standing in their way. They all had bright and beautiful colors when they emerged, but they did not stay that way for long. Almost immediately they began to try to look like something other than what they were. Their lack of self-acceptance created a reality around them that did not accept them. Spirits face their own reflection, whether they recognize it or not. Spirits that do not accept themselves will manifest surroundings that do not accept them either.

The Jews have seen themselves a victims because the spirits whose denials they have held did not want to take responsibility for themselves. From the beginning, the Rainbow Spirits wanted to blame God for their troubles, and later they extended this blame to the Angels, for not parenting them well enough in God's absence. As time went on, the Rainbow Spirits have blamed any who have not given them what they have wanted to have.

There are some Rainbow Spirits who have incarnated into other patterns now, but in the past, many Rainbow Spirits had many of their lives within the Jewish culture. This has to be understood to understand the karma they face whether they are presently incarnated in a Jewish form or not. They have all dreamed for so long of a wonderful home for themselves that is not on Earth. I am not asking them to give up this dream now, but I would like them to give up the guilt that has said either they will never get there or they must pay a terrible price to get there. I would also like them to stop believing they must die to leave Earth.

The Rainbow Spirits need to understand that it is not wrong that they have been lost for so long. They had too many confusions to know what home was for them until they had had a lot of experience to teach them. They also need to understand that

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it was not wrong to have emerged as they did. The Rainbow spirits need to understand that the kind of orgasms that called them forth are not wrong just because they were not like the ones that had happened before. They also need to understand that the Father of Manifestation is a rightful part of Creation and that I was only having sex in My Body with My Spirit present when they emerged. I did not fully recognize manifested form as a part of Myself then, but now I do.

All the conditioning they have received around this has to move now. They have been considered too materialistic because guilt has caused their love for form to materialize in a state of denial. Their sex lives have not taken the form they would like them to have either, because their guilt told them that the form they responded to was wrong. Guilt and old denied emotions need to move here, and the light of the Spirit needs to come in as it never has before.

The Rainbow Spirits have a sexual guilt that is deeply buried in religious arguments that even include rules about what positions are appropriate for lovemaking. Their sexual guilt is all related to what was going on with Us when they emerged. Having had so much guilt about what they enjoyed the most, they have tried to deny it to themselves in an effort not to repeat what they view as their original sin. A lusty interest in sex is not wrong if you have love present for it. The guilt they have had about Heart has never really let the Rainbow Spirits believe that love and sex can really go together. After all, where was Heart when they emerged? Moses reflected a lot of their guilt to them and He gave the Jews many more laws than are listed in the modern Bible. I would especially like to see an end to circumcision, which was really not so much a matter of health, as it was a question of guilt making the Rainbow Spirits feel they needed to do something to reduce their sensitivity, and therefore, their interest in sex. Circumcision and health problems in the genitals are both symptoms of the same kinds of guilts.
[June 29, 2012: See what now happens in Germany: Jews and Muslims unite against the German law that calls circumcision "Koerperverletzung","Injury of Body". But demanding from Jews and Muslims to give up this ghastly "habit" would be like asking the Christian missionaries in Columbia - about whom I read in the early eighteis, to inforce on the Indians, to give up the sacrifice of the firstborn. What grieves me, is, that "the Bible" indeed found ways and tricks to make the people between 3000 and 2500 years ago give up sacrificing their firstborns, but such a revolution in giving up a belief concerning circumcision is unthinkable in the year 2012....)]

Just because We did not understand everything that happened when the Creation emerged, does not mean that understanding cannot come later. Lack of understanding does not mean that what happened was wrong. At the time of the emergence of the Rainbow Spirits, We had to go on Our instincts. Our instincts turned out to be right, but then, We did not know if they were right or wrong. We have learned since then that if We feel like doing something, it will not be wrong, even if the lesson We learn

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is a bitter one. The more We learn, the less bitter the lessons have to be. We had plenty of feelings in denial when We emerged the Rainbow Spirits, and they are hard feelings to heal now, but not impossible.

Old feelings just need to move here so that they can receive new understandings. Love really was present here in all the feeling We had; We just did not realize it because We were afraid to trust Ourselves in some areas. Lost Will now needs to know that it is not going to be possible to give everything it needs to know right now in this book. If Lost Will gets healing moving with what has been given here, Lost Will will get more when it needs it.

The Will polarity of the Rainbow Spirits is not wrong to feel so much distrust of its Spirit polarity. The Will polarity has been getting denied almost from the very beginning. As the Rainbow Spirits were emerging, the Lost Will was already increasing because of denials in the Spirit polarity.

The line of Rainbow Spirits that had more white light thought they had been more favored by Me. This line of Rainbow Spirits has more sexual guilt than the Will polarity because there was less alignment around Will leading Us into manifestation than there was around Spirit leading Us back home. The Spirit polarity of the Rainbow Spirits tried to say that they had not emerged first. They had insistence for a long time that they had actually emerged in the gentle orgasms. When we asked the Rainbow Spirits to go to their place of emergence, the Spirit polarity of the Rainbow Spirits tried to lump together in the place they judged to be best. They all tried to go to the place where the purple spirits had emerged.

They all believed that this was the best spot. The Rainbow Spirits saw this place of emergence as the place that was closest to Me and therefore, the best position to have. They even pushed and shoved one another trying to get in the line-up there. They had no desire to help one another get in place because they could not accept the places they had. They have no more self-acceptance in their Lost Will now than they had then. They have to go to their Wills now and help them to move these old feelings.

The Rainbow Spirits have felt like crowding is part of life. They have also not liked letting anyone else get a position they think is better than their own.

It is now time to realize that all the colors have the love of God in them if the spirits can accept themselves enough to let

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the light pour in. I want to give some additional understandings now on how the Rainbow Spirits lost so much of their color.

Lucifer told the Rainbow Spirits that they had emerged too late to get the full spectrum of light, and that they were going to have to be happy with what they did get. Lucifer also told the Rainbow Spirits that the Angels got preferential treatment in the Godhead that the Rainbow Spirits did not even know about. He told them there was more light there than they had ever seen. He also told them that I had no love for the way they had emerged and that I thought they were pushy and had emerged too fast. He told them that the Mother did not like it that there were so many of them, and that She had not wanted to take care of them from the very beginning because it would interfere with Her sex life.

The Rainbow Spirits had fear and guilt then telling them that God wanted them to slow down, hold back and reduce their numbers. They all thought I would favor the ones that had the most light and that I would not eliminate them. The scramble for position not only included trying to have their place of emergence look like it was the closest to Me, but their desire to take in more light became involved now also.

The ones who had taken in the most light thought they had the best chance to be favored by Me. The purples and blues thought they had emerged closer to Me than the rest of the colors, and they believed this made them superior. The purples and blues who had emerged with white light came to feel that they were the oldest, wisest and best of all the Rainbow Spirits because they had emerged first and they were, therefore, the most favored. Their Wills, who had the gold light, did not like it that they were supposed to take a backseat to them. When the purples and blue would not give way to any of the other colors,they all began jockeying for position around the green spirits.

It may help to think of the Rainbow Spirits as the chakras of My Body. When Heart gave up on getting the Rainbow Spirits to receive Him and went back to the Angels, the Rainbow Spirits took this to meean that they had a problem taking light in, and that their own Heart was not even good enough to receive the Heart of God. They told their own green heart spirits to move back because they had not had what it took to let the Heart of God remain present with them like He did with the Heart Angels. They also told their heart spirits that they all had to receive Heart through them and so heart of the Rainbow Spirits had let them all down. This was a way for all the other colors to say that

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green was the problem so that they did not have to face their own fears about themselves.

The yellow spirits tried to crowd into green's place then. Yellow said that green might not be necessary at all since green could be made on the spot if Yellow was allowed to get next to blue. Orange did not like this because orange felt it would be eliminated next if red said that it was going to move in next to yellow. Orange tried to protect itself by turning on red and saying that red had caused the fight that God had during their emergences. Orange told red it was too hot and that the red spirits should get back before they caused more passion and more fighting in an already troublesome situation. Orange told red it wasn't acceptable because it had already shown what kind of energy it had. Orange secretly thought purple would get eliminated if red went. The blue spirits liked orange for this because blue began to feel that it was a real color and purple was not. Blue then claimed it was really the right color to be heading up al the orders.

The blue spirits who had white light felt they had come out on top without even having to try.They took this to mean that they had an innate superiority that was not argueable. These spirits had more confidence in themselves than any other order of Rainbow Spirits. These spirits have never incarnated as Jewish people. They have always incarnated in whatever form they felt was the favored form in the societies in which they chose to live. The blue spirits who have gold have often felt magnetized to incarnate near their blue spirit polarities but they have not fared as well as the blue-whites, because they have never believed themselves to be fully worthy of the position that their spirits have sought

The entire second line of Rainbow Spirits, who had more gold light than the first line, had originally emerged with brighter colors than the first line, but began to lose them when the first line said that they were better, because they were more pastel like the Angels. The second line defended itself by attacking the Angels. The Will polarity of the Rainbow Spirits accused the Angels of being wispy and having no real substance. The Will polarity of the Rainbow Spirits also had more defined forms. When form seemed to come under attack, they gave the retort that no one else had the guts to define themselves. They said that everyone else liked to vacillate, change and mix together because they were all afraid of themselves. They said that lack of substance and definition was a weakness, not a virtue.