Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

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I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

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How
Learn
And

Heal
Conditions
In

Myself
For
Creating

Into
Heaven
Those

Whole
On
Conditions

Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily

Finetuning to my Present As it happened before in my life - not often, but several times - I could not sleep, because a wild fantasy of "doing" stormed through my body, mind and feelings. It had popped up already some weeks ago - on Oct. 15 - but receded again. Then Efrat said: "I want you to participate in "Big Brother" next time." The result was the opposite: The more I watched "Big Brother", the more I became convinced, that I could never do it , would be bored to death literally, would be suffocated since I would not be able to go out and breathe nature, would be stifled in my creativity & healing for lack of pen and paper, computer, camera and Internet. But yesterday the fantasy was so strong, that in addition to laughing about myself heartily, I feel the need to finetune into the desires which I can discern behind this "megalomania". I remember "Original Heart" describing his/her "situation" which led to the fateful decision of "Polarization" and "Manifestation" [see right frame] And I remember the intense advice of "Spirit" to "cease manifesting". What am I to make of this? I've followed this advice to the utmost. I've ceased all my actions and interactions except for interactions not initiated by ME. I've hidden from the world in the "hide of your face". But now I want to give attention to the great desire, which I had .... to... deny???? The desire to manifest my contribution to the healing of the world, in a tangible, visible, "effective" manner. I've come a long way from that first nightly self-torture at the age of 7: when I was made to believe, that only baptized people can be "saved": "Let's assume, I'll find a way of baptizing all living people in the world, but what about those people who are already dead? How can I save them?" I felt devastated, that there could not even be a theoretical solution. And again- at the age of 12 - I see myself stopping in the glade of a forest, and turning my eyes to the sky with guilt and despair: "Since there cannot be forgiveness for a human like Hitler, what is all this talk about your overall compassion worth?" During my studies of theology I came across the church father Origen, whose theory was damned by the Church, but eagerly adopted by me. "apokatastis panton" - the bringing back of All Now I am seventy, I've truly internalized that all change in the world will come from my own healing into wholeness, since I am a "hologram", one wave of the ocean, one color of the rainbow. So why suddenly this fantasy of doing, of manifesting on a big, huge scale?

The fantasy says, that I can demonstrate by living and loving AND teaching,
the conditions of Heaven on Earth,
for instance by highlighting the main predicament of boredom,
i.e. lack of excitement, zest and full-fill-ment,
and then showing, how to create these in every moment of our day.
I would be totally transparent and make this as a condition for taking part:
Each of us will say openly, whom he wants "to send home" and why".
And if this would not be accepted before I even enter the community,
I would make it clear, that I would get everyone to agree to that.
"Let's see what Big Brother will do, if we are all united against one of his rules!"
I would also exemplify "small" things , like how to organize the available food,
thus showing "the world", how to be a responsible consumer etc. etc.
I would draw out everyone concerning his/her talents and skills,
her desires and dreams, her experiences and sufferings.
I would teach them how to move emotions,
how to discern triggers and the holes in our wholeness,
I would show them "beliefs" and "judgments" and how to release them.
And I would utilize the fact, that I might be a terrifying trigger for many,
in order to prove and teach my "strategy" of "lomkhah" [latest phrasing on Sept.16]

I can "hold my joy and peace" only, if I'm constantly focused on healing myself into wholeness, and by extension, all of Creation! Even a smile, even more so a hug may trigger those who attract me into their lifes, for a moment or permanently as part of the family drama. It is then, that I have to use my "lomkhah" concept-strategy: When my own hole of 'needing to be righteous & worthy', is triggered - I want to first identify this biggest hole of mine, move it, accept it, heal it ! - at the same time I want to identify the hole of the person triggered by me, - I then want to 'catch' the arrows of blame from the person triggered by me, and 'shoot' back rays of loving light without words, which convey: 'may  you  become   parental   to  the  hole  in  your   wholeness and  find  the way   to move,  understand,  accept  and  heal  it!'

The fact, that I am visible all day long and all night long,
could help me to further my self-acceptance of my body,
and of course exemplify this process of learning self-acceptance
both to the community of the Big Brother and to the watching world.

10:23 Scenes fantasized in the pool.
Someone is triggered : "Are you Jesus or what?"
I'll here summarize the discussion - not dialog - which followed .
Smiling: In fact, some 13 years ago I discovered that I'm a fragment of the Jesus,
we think we know about,- and I met some 5 other fragments, all male, at that time.
"Jesus" became - out of his goodness - one of the worst perpetrators in history.
Ask - why did he let himself be crucified?
Which then resulted not only
in feelings of guilt as the basis of any Christian's lack of self-acceptance
(for if Christ had to suffer so much for my sins, then my sins must be indeed horrid),
but in the murder of millions of Jews who were blamed for having killed Christ.
He made himself a victim!
All his denials were reflected in the behavior of his environment. etc. etc. etc
(lots of pieces of information needs to be given as background)

Another scene (also a discussion - with triggers and attacks):
You blame me for attempting to teach you , i.e. be greater than you.
But I'm here in our community and in this world altogether,
in order to help you love yourself and to empower you to be your own great self.
I'll indeed teach you the conditions for this.
Know, that not only this is a game here, the life of each is a game, a drama.
When - beyond this life - I planned the scenario for this life,
I first figured out 3 things:
what do I need to heal,
what do I want to learn,
what do I want to create.
Then I chose my co-actors and asked for their agreement to play with me.
Since my purpose of creation is, what I said just now:
to make people love themselves, for then they'll feel happy and love everybody else,
I chose a time-period on the planet and personal circumstances,
which would help me to learn what I wanted to create.
For instance in this extraordinary situation of our mutual dependency I trust,
that I can exemplify wholeness in a way,
that though you'll be triggered by me, you'll receive the medicine before the blow,
as we say in Hebrew,
and feeling triggered will not be so painful, nor will it lead to more denial of Will.
(Many terms will have to be explained in time).

10:58
during breakfast (with the last - a bit moldy - bread from Bet Nehemya)
Hagit was reading in "the Rules", the only book available, since Asher's leave
(fantasy: if Asher was allowed to have his prayer book
why shouldn't the Bible and the Qur'an be available for all?)
and then washed the dishes of her breakfast together with other dishes in the sink.
As all Israelis she wasted an enormous amount of water
despite the ad on the Big Brother walls: Here one saves water.
I fantasized, how I would demonstrate water-saving
(before planning the water tank for my bus
I tested what would be the minimum of water I would need.
The calculation included the treatment of my sick mother in the bus: 70 l per day.
My mother died before the bus was ready, and I needed only 12 liter per day! )

Another fantasy:
I would use the time, when - as right now - everyone except Haggit - is still asleep,
and turn to the audience on TV and tell about myself and "teach".
I would do so while laughing about my need to tell and teach.
I would say:
"maybe I'll be eliminated after the first week, so I'll make use of this time."

Another fantasy:
It would be exactly there, where I would meet my "peer"!
And we would be capable to do both in front of the world:
to realize the ""AZ NIDBERU" [see on top of this page],
and the embrace of every other color of the one rainbow.
If someone would be triggered by our being,
each with him/herself and with each other,
we would be able to use the triggers to help the others heal and grow.

What would happen with my family, Efrat and Mika? They would watch me a lot, but would this replace my presence, so needed? And if it will become clear, that they can now do without me, how can I live without this wandering between togetherness and al-one-ness? I read the e-mail from Celia Fenn [see below]: is this a confirmation of my teaching fantasy?

 

From Healing Class IV Body Introduction:
Grandfather Remembers Original Heart

pp2 and pp21
"Before my own separate existence,
there was no separation between Spirit and Will.
Before there was any kind of duality ~
there was only one whole being.

pp21
"All Will essence was completely and ecstatically
filled with Loving Light,
so there was only Heart,
the presence of our union ~

pp2 and pp21
"complete and whole Heart.
There were no separations, no distinctions, no fragments,
and therefore no manifestation.

"Love was all, and all was Love.
There was one - and only one,
and it was Love and Love only.
There was nothing else, not even the Void.

"The loving inner connection between
the drawing-in pole and the pushing-out pole
was of course - Heart.
And since Heart was everywhere,
including the core of each pole ~
Heart was what contained both of the poles.

pp21

"It is difficult to describe non-dual realities
with language embedded in dualism,
but metaphors can help.

 

"Original Heart is like the symbol of infinity -
with its indrawing, magnetic, Will essence in one loop,
and outgoing, electric, Spirit essence in the other.
But Original Heart was not only the presence
where these essences connected,
it was what contained and held the essences.

"The polar essences of Original Heart connected everywhere,
creating the presence of Love everywhere, with no limit.
In reality, Original Heart was not two essences in union ~
but rather one, undifferentiated, whole Love Presence
that neither began nor ended ~
until the original explosion that spawned manifestation.

 

"So then, what happened? And why?

pp21
Original Heart was its own whole being with no unmet needs,
no desire not instantly fulfilled,
no longing not immediately satisfied~
and nothing to disturb this state of ecstatic Love.

What could cause this to blow up?

What could possibly have gone wrong?

"The answer is that nothing went wrong, really.
It was that

pp2 and pp21
"the Love of Original Heart
found something missing in its experience.

pp21
"Love is of course its own celebration,
its own completion and fulfillment.
Love needs nothing else, and desires only more Love.
Original Heart had all the Love it desired,
but for one thing.

pp2 and pp21
"Heart had no one else
with whom to share this Love.

"Heart was alone.

pp21
"Everything that can be done or experienced by one whole being
was done and experienced.
Every feeling that can be felt was felt.
Every thought was thought.
Everything needing completion was completed,
taken back and completed again in a different way ~
until every possible configuration of Self was explored.

All preferences were explored
until no one way of being
seemed any better than another way of being.
It was all Love, and only Love.

And whenever Heart became completely aware of itself as One,
it realized it was alone ~
the one and only One.

 

"For what would have been eons, had there been time ~
Heart played 'hide and seek' with itself,
purposely forgetting its wholeness and pretending
it was several, many separate 'virtual' beings
interacting with each other.
Heart explored all the possibilities there,
but each time the pretend, virtual parts
began waking up enough
to realize their wholeness,
one of them would remember who they really were ~
and quickly bring Heart back again to wholeness
and to full awareness of Self ~
back to fully realizing

its oneness ~ and its aloneness.

"Heart woke up fully to itself for the last time
when it knew that it no longer wished to continue
without another to share its Love.
By this time Heart's Love was so great
that it demanded a new 'game'.
Hide and seek was no longer fulfilling or even satisfying.
And all this Love without another like itself
had become a burden too great to bear.

RedSeaPartnerSHIP>"Partneror"

pp2 and pp21
"Heart realized
in its desire for true,
peer level companionship,
the only way to find another Heart ~
required that it somehow split itself apart,
creating two distinct beings
that could never reconstitute themselves back
into the one, Original Heart.
Never, that is ~
until there would be a way for Heart
to have a companion
who was just as whole,
and yet truly separate and distinct,
not just a part of Self.

pp21
"The original explosion was not a random occurrence
or even a mistake.

It was a very carefully orchestrated act of Love
by an incredibly wise and loving being
who no longer wished to remain whole ~
if it meant being alone.

"Heart first moved to separate within itself
by dividing itself internally
into the two essences that were both needed for Love ~
Spirit and Will.

"This was the basic configuration Heart had used
to begin its old game of hide and seek,
and was the most ideal starting point for its final chapter.
Then, while still one whole being,
Heart configured almost all of its Will essence
to surround almost all of its Spirit.
This was also a familiar way of starting the game,
and used
when maximum diversity of experience was desired.

"But then Heart did something
that Love alone would never permit.
Heart moved to hurt itself.

[see continuation in the original file!]

p. 221
... into what may seem to be the quicksands of fear - which is always behind hatred.

By going along with feelings you unify your emotional, mental and bodily state.
When you try to fight or deny them, you divorce yourself from the reality of your being.
Dealing with thoughts and feelings as just directed
at least roots you firmly in the integrity of your present experience,
and allows its innate MOTION and natural creativity to thrust toward a therapeutic solution.

When you refute such emotions or become terrified of them,
you impede the flow of feeling from one moment to the other.
You set up dams.
Any emotion will change into another if you experience it honestly.
Otherwise you clog the natural movement of your entire system.
Fear, faced and felt with its bodily sensations and the thoughts that go along with it,
will automatically bring about its own state of resolution.
The conscious system of beliefs behind the impediment will be illuminated,
and you will realize that you feel a certain way
because you believe an idea that causes and justifies such a reaction.

If you habitually deny the expression of any emotions,
to that degree you become alienated not only from your body but from your conscious idea.
You will bury certain thoughts and put up biological armor
to prevent you from physically feeling their effects upon your body.
In each case the answer lies in your personal system of beliefs,
in those strong concepts you hold on an intimate level
that brought about the inhibitions to begin with.

If you find yourself running around in a spiritual frenzy,
trying to repress every negative idea that comes into your head,
then ask yourself
why you believe so in the great destructive power of your slightest '"negative' thought.
The body and mind together do present a united, self-regulating, healing, self-clearing system.
Within it each problem contains its own solution if it is honestly faced.
Each symptom, mental or physical, is a clue to the resolution of the conflict behind it,
and contains within it the seeds of its own healing.