hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

8:30
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks again for your feeling younger and fitter than in Eilat 1996.
I give thanks to Aya for having taught me the keys for training our mouth,
which, except for our right groin, is the only "old", "ugly", paining part in you.
Now that the pain after the tooth extraction is almost gone, I can better apply the 4 keys
(4) "Big mouth" [while standing] : the tongue jumps out vehemently
and as a result the arms jumps to the sides
(5)"Narrow tongue in closed mouth" [opens a frozen, closed chest]
"Begin to fold the fringes of your tongue from its root upwards
while intending ever more folding!"
(9) "EEEH-OOOH": Exaggerate the movement of the lips in both directions while voicing these vowels and differentiate clearly between the 2 vowels!"
(22) "Moving tongue between teeth and gums within closed lips"
.
I am grate-full for a wonderful quiet and still rich and zest-full Shabbat.
I am grate-full that I felt-knew , when to "take in" and when to "put out",
and that this exact alternating between receiving and creating full-filled me.
I am grate-full for a new day with its healty, balanced zest-full routine of
walking through the desert to the pool, singing, swimming and swinging,
creating on Kiss-log intentionally, learning from Internet and TV accidentially.
I am grate-full that nowadays I care about family, Israel and the planet,
without being tortured by sorrow, but am permitted to trust their growing.

Finetuning to my Present

There's a nice example of how synapsis in the brain works :
When , after my usual prolonged waking-up revery
(when and while Amit & Lior -chatting -leave the house for kindergarden and school),
I freed myself from my blankets
and jumped up to close the window next to my bed,
I had a flashback to November 1996
- my bus was parked next to the Egyptian border,
after I was no longer permitted to cross the border to my creation in Sinai.
David and Eilat came to visit me, before they would go to Sinai
to retrieve personal equipment I had left there on my last permitted stay.
Eilat discerned, with what pain I climbed down the stairs of my bus,
- I don't remember, if the joint of my knees were hurting or something else -
She expressed compassion, but behind it I felt also pity and contempt.
Both people had their problem with my age, being 10 years older than they.
The thought today was - in closing the window and opening the red curtain :
"Now you two are "old" too, even older than I was then,
and who knows, if you don't have problems with your bodies as well."
Watching this thought, I laughed right out loud:
"Hey, Rachel, thoughts of vengeance?"
As late as at Ein-Gedi in 1999, I had assured David, that it didn't trigger me,
that he suffered from my "old age" ( I was 56 and he 46, when "it" began ).
So why was I now "vengeful"?
I went to the toilet and when sitting and drinking my urine, there was a correction:
"It's not vengefulness, it's "only" gloating! " And I laughed again.
At that moment, the edge of my mind caught dust on the black drawer
next to the toilet seat and my finger wiped it off , only half aware.
But in doing so, my eyes caught the model of the glass pyramid,
its two levels also being covered with dust.
"Glass!" and yesterday's occupation with glass: 'Efrat the future artist of glass'
the glass angel which I sent them !
The story with the owner of the glass factory, in 2003,
his attempt to get me to lie with him; my strict refusal, his disappearance,
then the memory of an earlier case, when I didn't refuse,
because I believed, I needed that high official for realizing my vision, etc.

All these thoughts "happened" in less than 2 minutes...
And all had feelings connected to them.
And I am grate-full that I do NOT curse
"the circles which I find in the windmills of my mind",
Mar's song, which I now know and sing every day in the pool.
I am grate-full for the harvest of my life!

And there is more to harvest:
my strong experience with Macbeth, the movie by Roman Polanski!

The movie obviously makes the cruelty much more visible:
the head, for instance, is not cut off "off stage" as Shakespeare noted,
but it rolls down the stairs of the castle right in front of our eyes.
I began to study the play on the Internet,
I don't remember, if I ever saw or read it,
though through the German dubbing I recognized many quotes, scenes, names
(like "the castle of Invernes").
But the very fact that I - after some doubting - allowed myself to "waste time"
on what usually does not uplift me and what therefore I do not watch,
asks for my personal "harvesting" - not dependent on any professional analysis
The perversion of a wife's love....

Nourishment from others or Finetuning to my Present?

Macbeth: Roman Polanski 1971 [Read this!]

video : Witches Opening in Macbeth (Polanski)
video: Banquet Scene in Macbeth (Polanski)
many scenes: video: Martin Shaw as Banquo in Macbeth (Polanski)
video with the horrifying music: at the witches gathering:
Macbeth seeks a prophecy [like King Saul before his end],
and also sees himself mirrored in each of his victims
video: Fight Scene ["my voice is in my soul"]

from Shakespeare, Macbeth- Act V, towards the end

They say that it's Shakespeare's shortest play and one of the best known.
To me it seems to be the epitome of what people seek in a drama:
"action!" which means deceit, treachery, and murder
They also want to see passion,
but in this drama love is perverted into an ugly grimace:
Macbeth sends a letter to his beloved wife,
to share with her how he was honored by the king for his bravery in battle,
(of course, where else could someone achieve honor and self-worth...),
and how he was prophesied by 3 witches, that he would become king.
This "loving" wife then plays a role, usually "reserved" for men and males,
an ambition for power, which is sickly and crazy ..
She overwhelms her feeling husband by hitting the one chord,
which would resound in every male: his "manliness",
in this case his living-up to their common decision
to murder their king, the guest in their house, in his sleep.

Everyone has probably noted the psychology of how Macbeth transforms
from a feeling, even conscientious, man into a monster.
It was the way the GESTAPO trained their men systematically:
to become insensitive to any feeling,
and - to feed the need to feel, which still lingered on,
by ever more atrocious deeds, which would give a kick for a moment.


I don't know if the critics have also noted this little light in the darkness:

Act IV:
After Macduff learns, that his family was murdered, Malcolm says:
Be comforted:
Let's make us medicines of our great revenge,
To cure this deadly grief.

MACDUFF
He [Malcolm] has no children. All my pretty ones?
Did you say all? O hell-kite! All? ....

MALCOLM
Dispute it like a man.

MACDUFF
I shall do so;
But I must also feel it as a man:

Following info in the doc about the holy lance, exemplified sadly in Macbeth,
also following my nauseating reading of the King David saga in "God Knows"
I understood for the first time,
that a king in those times did nothing for his citizens.
He didn't even have an administration,
i.e. people who were appointed to do something for the citizens.
In the 10th century, when there lived only about 3 million people in Europe,
a king had a staff the size of which a mayor has today.
I've never thought of it, but I now think, that a King had only 2 functions:
to make people feel: "we are united and one" - which responds to a deep need,
and to make people believe, that they were protected from enemies
(though almost every king - bored by lack of tasks and even by his women-
did not only "defend" his kingdom (not his people...), but attack his "enemies".
God Knows" - on the basis of the biblical account - makes this very clear.
Didn't those Israelites want a king so desperately,
that they gave up on the values of their tribal society,
which could be called freedom and equality...

Give us a King: Samuel I chapter 8 in the original

Nourishment from Others

The painting of a co-student at Tuebingen , which she gave me as a gift in 1963. I'm so sorry, that I can't even remember her name...

What I showed Tomer already 9 days ago, is now noted in Spaceweather.com:
the drawing towards each other of Venus and Jupiter .
I realize that I'm phrasing it like that, after I searched for the English term
for what happens between Shifra and Einav in "The Big Brother" scene .
Would "convergence" be too strong a word for "hitqarvut" in Hebrew?
When the sun goes down tonight, step outside and look southwest. What you see might surprise you: Venus and Jupiter, so far apart only a week ago, are now beautifully close together. The two brightest planets are rapidly converging on a spot in Sagittarius where they will form a rare double-conjunction with the Moon on Dec.1

Albany, Missouri, Nov. 15
Jupiter at Venus at Pigeon Point Lighthouse, California, USA