The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7		"AZ NIDBERU" - My new Midrash and song in 5 languages about the prophecy of Malachi 3, 16 ["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The Name]
1 2 3	How Learn And	I The Train	Heal Conditions In	Myself For Creating	Into Heaven Those	Whole On Conditions	Self-acceptance Earth Daily	Click!	Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk among each other, and he listens      and he hears yatakaalamuna     allathina     yarau'na-hu , va-yusri        va-yasma' Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander, und er lauscht      und er hoert Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent l'un a l'autre il entends,        il ecoute

It seems that I chose 26 actors for my life's drama and those 26 actors chose me! One common trait of all roles is "mutual dependency" between them and me.
With 16 actors - my family - the mutual dependency is life-long! With my landlords at Arad & with my 6 starchildren, born between 1986-88, it may be temporary.
My children: Immanuel, Ronnit, Micha; my children-in-love: Efrat, Uri, Ra'ayah; my 10 grandchildren [born 1987-2005): Elah-Alon-Tomer-Mika; Jonathan-Rotem-Yael-Itamar; Arnon-Ayelet
My landlords: Ofir & Meital+ Lior (2002) & Amit (2005). My starchildren: Lior Oren, Zipi Winkler , Dina Strat , Meshi Taib, Gal Mor, Boris Arons [26=YHWH=13+13=ahavah+ahavah =LOVE!]

The FOCUS of MY INTENTION TODAY

Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what may

12:28
I desire to understand the accident, which caused me to rest, to suffer, but not to be damaged.
I desire the injured ligament of my knee to heal fast, so I can walk again, especially to the pool.
I desire that the staff of Ben-Shemen and Tomer's father will be patient, when setbacks occur.
I desire Tomer to finally grasp, that "Ben-Shemen" is the only option for him and a fantasic one.
I desire that Immanuel & even more so Efrat be constantly "parental" to the pain with this actor

Driving backward to the Quartet's walking up and down the Wadi of Compassion on Aug. 31, 2007:
The spot, where I slipped, is just before their walking up and just before their walking back, down.

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today
12:05 My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to you for gradually healing the immense pain of what may be
an Injury of the Posterior Cruciate Ligament of the back of the knee.

The knee is stabilized by four main ligaments: 2 collateral ligaments (medial and lateral) and 2 cruciate ligaments both anterior (front) and posterior (back). The cruciate ligaments attach to the femur (thigh bone) and travel within the knee joint to the upper surface of the tibia (shin bone). The ligaments pass each other in the middle of the joint forming a cross shape, hence the name 'cruciate'. The posterior cruciate ligament (PCL) functions mainly in preventing the tibia from traveling backwards on the femur, known as posterior drawer.

Rupture of the Posterior Cruciate Ligament

It also helps to prevent the tibia from twisting outwards.
Injury to the ligament leads to knee instability
with the shin bone having a tendency to 'sag' backwards when the knee is bent at 90 degrees.

I give thanks to you - in the first place - for having let us slip-slide in a way,
that no damage occurred, which would have demanded medical treatment.
I am strongly reminded of my electrical accident at the organ, when I was 15,
which could have killed me, or at least cost me 2-3 fingers,
but which - after a year of treatments - left me with managable handicaps,
and with the big lesson, that for me there is no possibility to escape "God".
But what is the lesson/message of my knee injury on Nov. 24, 2008?

Nourishment from Others

"Like Love is meant to be"

To my regret I find only one article, and only in Hebrew, and without any pictures, of that extraordinary , heart-warming, encouraging documentary in the framework of Ilana Dayan's series "Uvdah" [=Fact] During the first break I called Efrat to make sure she watched. "Of course, I'm watching this, I'm recording it for Immanuel, who is at Ben-Shemen now! After the euphory about Tomer's first week, there are problems again..." She added: "I'm recording the program also for you, since this is not only a story about "beautiful people", the kind of people who are so rarely exposed in the news, but also because we knew the family well, when we lived at Kfar-Wradim ." [the choir of Kfar-Wradim plays an exhilarating role in the doc!]. Shmuel Chirurg, the psychologist, is just the kind of man, who would simply do such a thing-" i.e. donate his kidney to a man he hardly knows. "Segal Chirurg - a pediatrist - took care of Mika, when she was a baby: "What a sensitive daughter you have!" she said once. " The doc is so heart-warming not only because the kidney donation [Segal: Most people in the world want to do good! ] but because of the love which the film succeeded in "catching", the marital love between the couple of the donator, and the marital love between the couple of the receiver ....

Finetuning to my Present

This time I didn't "nurture" my irritation about someone's disrespect towards my time.
I had invited little Lior to come every afternoon for 10 minutes for her crochet lesson.
When she hadn't come until 18:30, I called her father (not her so defensive mother),
and said bluntly, that I cannot stand it, when people do not keep an appointment.
He said, that she was now at a "circle", that he would fetch her at 19:00 and bring her.

I decided to make little Lior - who had irrelevant excuses - face my need:
"I come from Germany - have you heard about such a country? " - "Yes!"
"where sticking to appointments is demanded, unlike in Israel.
I made a mistake, that I suggested to you to come the next day
and then expected that you would really come.
So if you want to go on with this lesson, until you truly know how to crochet,
it's up to you to come to me and see, if I'm free."
"But if we've fixed something and then I cannot come?"
"Then you tell me that you cannot, that is no problem."
The lesson of course took longer than 10 minutes and needed much patience
For me, who does it automatically it is interesting to watch
how complicated crocheting really is.
Then her father came to fetch her (though she could have gone home alone):
"How is my pupil?" and he wanted to see exactly where she is stuck.
"But it is keff (fun)!" exclaimed Lior and I: "She is amazingly determined!"
Then - though we rarely "chat" - Ofir brought up "Big Brother",
but that's the theme for tomorrow....

2008/11/25 Dear Wayne Cristaudo
I'm glad to hear from you again,
but as to your proposal I must say "no".
Not that I'm not tempted to again write up my own "story" with FR,
(I've done it in German for a Berlin newspaper on FR's 100th birthday),
but I'm very focused, very disciplined concerning my life's purpose,
and except for the month of "dealing" with FR and his love
towards my 70th birthday on August 15, 2008,
it is not my preference and does not belong to following my goal.

November has almost passed and we had no chance to visit you .
My son flew to Hongkong twice, but with only 24 hours in between.
And the "family-flight" will not be with me and not to Hongkong,
but to Thailand, and hopefully with Tomer, Mika's stepbrother.

I wish you well Christa-Rachel

Dear Rachel, what a pity - but when [sic!] cannot argue with a life's purpose.
Stay well. All the very best. Wayne

I came across this passage on the last page of the Blue Book of RUOW,
and felt, that it was directly talking to me, even more than before....

From the communication with Deity on June 10, 2003

"You will always do,
because that's natural,
look at your grandkids, not a second are they not doing.
But your doing was immersed in so much suffering,
that it often counteracted the benefit for those people,
for the world at large,
for which you cared so much.

"Now it is different.
Now your neediness,
yes that's the word - neediness not need! -
for "doing" something to reduce suffering ,
which despite all your rephrasings still hid behind everything you did ,

this neediness is gone

"What is left is that great joy in meeting challenges,
and in creating with the materials of life and with people,
which you have advocated at the end of your"Partnership" time
as the sole motive for any action and activity,
but you were a bad model then.
You'll be a good model now.
...
....you'll be trained in living moment by moment
with that intensity of learning, creating, loving,
which is needed to truly and profoundly feel
satisfaction and contentment,
Accomplishment and fulfillment,
and great great joy. "

 

Finetuning

to my Work of Driving Backward to the Mar-Mar Dialog in May 2003,
a work to which I've dedicated all the Festive Days
of the beginning of the Jewish New Year 5769:
Eve of Rosh-Hashanah ~~ Rosh-Hashanah 1st day ~~Rosh-Hashanah 2nd day,
Yom Kippur ~~~~~ Succot 1st day~~~~Simchat-Torah

19:50
Mar's first letter on April 20 led to my answer on April 21,
which led to his response on April 27, which led to my response on May 2,
and then from May 4-5 the intensity grew by the hour.
On May 30 the purpose of this love - which I knew only in hindsight - was fulfilled.
I had to retreat and on June 4, I understood that I had to part from Mar totally.

30 days of virtual love were as enriching as 30 weeks or even 30 months
could have been BEFORE the possibilities of the Internet.

My roller-coaster of feelings during this work
climbed up to the elation of having "tasted" the kind of "peership" for which I so long:
total truth and transparency,
no denial and no projections,
total parentalness
and soon rushed, tumbled down into the abyss of my "Being Too Much",
of squashing the other with the lava-streams of what I need to share and to teach.

The last days before Mar responded to my adamant demand to stop the "secrecy"
and while he began his real work with his wife and could hardly relate to me,
I fell into a frenzy of sharing myself
- and though every line was sculpted carefully, never carelessly spilt out ,
the lava-stream was squashing him , and not only in my imagination, but in reality.
The more I followed those lava-streams, the more I flushed with unbearable shame.
But the shame helped me to become clear about what was missing in this relationship,
as in all relationship with men before:
equality!
Mar did not claim, that there was equality,
nor did he claim, that his feelings for me matched my feelings towards him.
There is simply not a spot in him, which triggers me
nor is there the slightest temptation in me to project on him.
I was the priestess of love for him and his wife,
and I know this role of mine well.

The question I have to answer NOW, is:
What was- is - my lesson or blessing from the Mar-Mar virtual dialog,
in addition to having "TASTED" some aspects of true "peership"?

I can discern a desperate tendency to deny the lack of equality!
And a hoard of memories concerning all my life wants to pester me again.
It is now one year exactly, that I asked my best friend Yanina to freeze our relationship
"because we are not equal, and therefore I don't get what I need to receive,
nor are you capable of receiving, what I need to give."
Yanina totally agreed, and there has not been any contact between us since.
The same "freezing" I followed through with all other old or less old friends.
Only the 26 people, to whom I'm tied by a mutual dependency, are in my life.
It is with these, that I must practice the GATE-message, and there is much to train.

But even if I'll become a champion of
"sharing myself in a way that I enhance the sharing of others"
. - this will not help me to find a peer like David and like Mar
who were true with me and parental to themselves
but who will also be truly equal.
As long as I have to restrain my lava-streams in order to NOT squash a "peer",
I have not found this peer, however much the other criteria of peership are met.
I must long for this peer and not waver in longing,
like I learnt from "Old Heart-New Heart"

"Even the longing for another to share that love
can be fulfilled by lovingly accepting the desire itself.
Unfulfilled desire has been difficult for Old Heart to accept.
As New Heart you channel loving Spirit
and move to fully accept the desire just as it is,
unfulfilled and all.
As you embrace your unfulfilled desire for real love,
you empower the fulfillment of your desire~~~
and not just inside of you,
inside all of manifestation as well.
It is as if all of Creation
is held in the loving arms of New Heart.

Song of the Day Immanuel plays and sings: "kmo tzaemakh bar" - "like a wild flower": Tomorrow, I'll be so far away, don't look for me...."

This is what we call her shrew look!
She had let the wooden chain
slide behind my bed..

Efrat with Tomer

Immanuel with Mika

Efrat across Tomer

Abba and Imma play with Mika, while we are waiting - a long time -
for our Arab dishes:
"Maqluba" for Efrat,
Hummus and meat for Abba and Tomer,
and most delicious for me,
the dish which I always ordered - then, 40 years ago - "Siniya", which means "tray",
the same metal tray as then - with the meat of sheep, zinobers and tehina.
[There are many recipes of the Arab Cuisine on the Internet, where these dishes, spelled in many ways, can be found...]