I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
44th day of "having died to
righteousness"
Elah to her father, "I had to wash many dishes in the sink!"
I had left 2 cups, a plate and a spoon! my righteousness felt
terribly triggered,, but I was aware & controlled myself......
Actions: pool twice, garden
kisslog, TV
with Amit and Lior
painting & knitting
Interactions: call
from Narda: "Maryam?"
skype-writing with Dvorah
call from Immanuel 'Mika oneg tzarouf'
SMS from Levi&Ayelet, from Deqel,
from and to Diana, twice
to Paz, short talk with Paz
encounters with Ofir, Lior, Amit
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may 8:00 I desire to further assimilate
the nourishment of the last 3 days, until the noon-pool (13:30).
and then to dedicate the last hours before the Eve of Rosh Hashanah
to driving backward
to my last experience of E'L'U'L' or "Loving Heart",
in May 2003, though only virtual and short...
I desire, that from this day on a true foursome family will
emerge: Abba, Imma, Brother, Sister.
and that Tomer will feel listened to & accepted & given
a chance as well as give them a chance.
I desire Tamir to find real love with a woman + children while
not denying his longing for a man
On
this last day of the Jewish year
my beloved name-less vine,
wound around what Albert, my neighbor, calls
"Arc de Triomphe" , began to bloom... See the Albert-Gate-message
on Oct. 19
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
8:33 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to our upright stance,
to our faculty of speaking and singing words
and to our brain which makes sense.
I give thanks to your feeling so well, the tiny "bothers"[lips, teeth, eyes, groin] - are
only contrasting this feeling!
I'm grate-full for the fact,
that I coped well with the challenges of the last days,
and no trigger points to a hole in my wholeness,
which would demand from me now to work on its healing,
at least no personal trigger and hole (unlike the evil symbolized in the "Hostel"
movie
and Tomer's strong wish that I should watch it with him). I'm grate-full for being home in my
solitary castle, despite Ofir's sawing boards for his pergola,
which is hard for my "nerves". I'm grate-full, that all my children
rely on my wish to be alone,
and nobody feels obliged to invite me for the feast.
"What you build , is beautiful, Ofir, but how
long will this sawing-noise continue?"
195 "Of the Hutus
who openly refused to slaughter Tutsis, many were murdered
themselves.
An estimated 50000 were killed".
196 Amartya
Sen argues that the only remedy available, and it is one
we must consciously use,
is to refuse to believe the hypnotic suggestion that each
of us must identify on the basis of one common denominator.
Why would each of us belong to one out of just two categories
that are seen as, by definition, opposing forces?
Sen points out that each of us has a multiple identiy, and
that we never are only Muslim or Western,
but always many other things as well!" [look at what
my names imply: Christa Guth-Rachel Rosenzweig-Christa-Rachel
Maryam Bat-Adam...]
[The last passage in Daan's book
reminded me of a sculpture in My
Life's Harvest]
See a similar sculpture, which included more about the
meaning of this contrast
between victimhood and Van Gogh's and Emile Zola's "Joie
de Vivre",
versus Daan's "Joy of the world"
in Succah
Diary
"In October 1963,
before I left Germany for ever
and
immigrated to Israel in April 1964,
my mother asked me to join her for a farewell trip
to Holland, the land of her dreams,
since she had spent there a happy year in her youth.
It obviously was not right time for me,
our relationship was strained and I didn't like Holland.
The only experience I remember fondly is this picture:
"In the Van Gogh
Museum no one stood in front of it.
But I studied every detail and was deeply moved: The open pages show no text but "Isaie LIII".Isaiah
53.
I learnt this chapter by heart, in German as a young
girl
and later in Israel in Hebrew.
The chapter - one of the 4 songs of the "Lord's
Servant"-
was interpreted in a way that it provided Christianity
with the theory of "Vicarious Suffering and Atonement":
'Christ died for us sinners', is the basic Christian
creed.
My scholarship year in Israel 1960-61,
which was also the year of the Eichmann
Trial,
shattered this theory and with it my Christian belief.
My deepest motivation for researching
Jewish Thought,
was to find
the livable meaning of Isaiah 53.
"Van Gogh contrasted Isaiah 53 with a book in front: Emile Zola: La Joie de Vivre - The Joy of Life.
At least that's what I thought then in the Museum.
For years to come that contrast comforted me.
In 1986 I finally got hold of the French book and lo!
The title is an irony, a travesty, a bitter persiflage!
Van Gogh painted the Suffering of Humankind,
which Christianity hasn't eased, but often worsened.
Nourishment from Others through TV
Aachen;
medical students learn to listen and to talk
(nidberu): see video
of 3 SAT
"Man muss sich die Zeit nehmen, Patienten
zuzuhören"
Im Praktikum lernen angehende Ärzte, mit unheilbar Kranken
richtig umzugehen
"Es ist wichtig, dass man zu Patienten ehrlich ist, aber
sich auch Zeit nimmt zuzuhören", hat die Medizinstudentin
Britta Kühlmann in ihrem Praktikum erfahren. "Das
hätte ich in keinem Lehrbuch lernen können."
Studenten lernen von schwerkranken Patienten, wie deren Gefühlswelt
aussieht. "Ärzte haben das Rollenbild, unfehlbar zu
sein und den Patienten helfen zu müssen", weiß
der Aachener Palliativmediziner Dr. Frank Elsner. "Es besteht
ein Wert darin, Menschen zu begleiten, denen man nicht mehr
helfen kann."
Das müsse man auch für sich selbst akzeptieren. In
ihren Supervisionen bearbeiten die Studenten mit der Diplom-Psychologin
Stephanie Stiel das Erlebte. Elsner hat die Idee, einen Patienten
über mehrere Wochen von einem Studenten begleiten zu lassen,
von der US-amerikanischen "Harvard Medical School"
mitgebracht. Er begleitet diese Erfahrungen in einer Studie.
in Lod, there are
people who care about the town
channel 2
Lodfoundation-September
28 The Lod Community Foundation
aims to promote a variety of projects to benefit the city of
Lod and all of its habitants.
The Foundation will deal with fundraising in Israel and abroad
and promote infrastructure, education, multi-cultural activities,
sports, walfare, environment, tourism and co-existence.
Ihre markanten Züge vergisst man nicht so schnell: Die palästinensische
Schauspielerin Hiam Abbass hat etwas von einer klassischen Tragödiendarstellerin.
Sie ist eine Erscheinung auf der Leinwand und das Gesicht des
israelischen Kinos. Ihr neuer Film, "Lemon Tree", kommt
am 2. Oktober 2008 in die Kinos.
Als Palästinenserin, die 1960 in Nazareth geboren wurde und
heute in Paris lebt, trägt sie den Nahost-Konflikt in sich:
das schwierige Zusammenleben zwischen Juden und Palästinensern,
das Trauma der Heimatlosigkeit. "Ich lebe in Paris, drehe
in den USA, bin auf der ganzen Welt zu Hause", sagt Abbass.
"Aber ich habe keine Heimat mehr. Das letzte Mal, als ich
so etwas wie Heimat gefühlt habe, war im Sechs-Tage-Krieg,
unter dem Rock meiner Mutter", sagt Hiam Abbass, deren nuancenreiches
Spiel aus Bitterkeit und Trauer, weiblicher Intuition und trotziger
Selbstbehauptung hierzulande noch zu entdecken ist.
Doppelte Identität
Die Absurdität des Lebens im Nahen Osten - zwischen Hoffnung
und Resignation, Krieg und Frieden - hat sie geprägt: "Ich
bin eine Palästinenserin, die in Israel geboren und aufgewachsen
ist", sagt sie. "Ich habe eine doppelte Identität.
Mich hat der Sechs-Tage-Krieg geprägt. Ich war ein kleines
Mädchen, sechs Jahre alt. Da wurde unsere Gegend vom Libanon
und von Syrien aus beschossen. Gleichzeitig wusste ich, dass ein
Teil unserer Familie im Libanon und in Syrien lebte und dass sie
wiederum von den Israelis, also den Leuten, mit denen wir lebten,
bekämpft wurden. Damit bin ich aufgewachsen. Es war schizophren."
Ihre Lebenserfahrungen spielt Hiam Abbass auf der Leinwand aus:
in Filmen wie "Paradise Now",
"Die syrische Braut"
oder "Free Zone",
die in den letzten Jahren international große Aufmerksamkeit
erregten und in denen sie als facettenreiche Charakterdarstellerin
mitwirkte. Ein ähnlich vitales Kino, in dem sich Privates
mit dem Politischen verschränkt und das in alltäglichen
Geschichten kritisch, tabulos und in ironischer Brechung die Realität
diesseits und jenseits von Zäunen, Mauern und Grenzen im
Heiligen Land widerspiegelt, ist auch Eran Riklis' tragikomische
Parabel "Lemon Tree". Auf der Berlinale 2008 mit dem
Publikumspreis ausgezeichnet, kommt der Film am 2. Oktober in
unsere Kinos.
David gegen Goliath
Der Konflikt zwischen Israelis und Palästinensern manifestiert
sich hier in einem ungleichen nachbarschaftlichen Kampf um einen
Zitronenhain im Westjordanland. In einer Melange aus Trauer und
Wut, Poesie und Schwarzem Humor brilliert Hiam Abbass als palästinensische
Witwe, die sich gegen die Zerstörung ihres Besitzes auflehnt
und vor Gericht zieht. "Die Hauptfigur in 'Lemon Tree' ist
eine sehr einsame Frau", so Abbass. "Sie ist Witwe,
ihr Sohn lebt in den USA. Die Zitronenbäume sind das einzige,
was sie noch hat. Aber diese Einsamkeit gibt ihr Stärke.
Sie muss keine Rücksichten mehr nehmen. Irgendwann entscheidet
sie sich, für ihre Würde zu kämpfen, und dann gibt
es für sie keine Macht der Welt mehr, die sie aufhalten kann."
In der West Bank, unmittelbar an der Grenze zu Israel, lebt die
palästinensische Witwe Salma (Hiam Abbass). Dort ist sie
tief verwurzelt - ebenso wie die alten Bäume des Zitronenhains,
die ihr Vater einst pflanzte. Die friedliche Oase, die sie mit
Hingabe pflegt, ist ihr Ein und Alles. Mit den nahezu paradiesischen
Zuständen ist es allerdings vorbei, als der israelische Verteidigungsminister
Israel Navon (Doron Tavory) das neue Haus auf dem Nachbargrundstück
bezieht. Weil sie angeblich leichte Deckung für Terroristen
bieten, werden die Zitronenbäume plötzlich zum Sicherheitsrisiko
und sollen abgeholzt werden. Doch Salma setzt sich zur Wehr. Gemeinsam
mit dem jungen palästinensischen Anwalt Ziad Daud (Ali Suliman)
zieht sie bis vor den Obersten Gerichtshof Israels, um ihre geliebten
Bäume zu retten. Ihr mutiger Kampf weckt nicht nur das Interesse
der Medien. Auch Mira (Rona Lipaz-Michael), die
Gattin des Ministers, die sich in der Einsamkeit des neuen Hauses
erstmals mit der Leere ihres eigenen Lebens konfrontiert sieht,
wird auf Salma aufmerksam. Aller Unterschiede zum Trotz und über
die streng bewachte Grenze hinweg wächst zwischen den beiden
Frauen ein unsichtbares Band der Sympathie.
During
the last two hours of the month Elul - ani le-dodi ve-dodi li
"Driving Backward
into the Future"
Retrieving an actual, though short experience of Then
those who see Ha-Shem, will talk among each other, and he
listens and he hears so as to strengthen and reinforce
my desire for
October
15, 2008, I came across this page and the first insert of
the Mar-Mar-dialogue
and discerned, that except for a small passage, all first
letters had disappeared.
They couldn't be retrieved from the original folder of "Word"
documents, since I had already deleted those.
But then I had the courage to search for backups of former
years, though I had never ever made use of a backup before.
I can hardly believe it! I found the disc, I inserted it and
it was no problem at all to find the missing letters in May
2003.
Re-inserting them on this page gave me a second chance to
go back to "how it all started", and this gave me
great joy!
2003_04_20 Subject:
thank you Dear Maryam, Christa-Rachel
Bat-Adam,
Thank you for the site...,
I haven't even started reading through it seriously...
but whatever I've bumped into feels good and real,
and makes me want to cry... for no apparent reason,
except maybe that I'm not alone here going through
stuff.
I think I'll be in touch
in love and light Mar
PS. I'll think about you going through
Eilat tomorrow for the Sinai.
2003_04_27 Dear Christa-Rachel
thank you for responding
By "going
through stuff"
you probably mean: by feeling so intensely.
I don't really know if intense is
the word
feeling definitely is
but sometimes it is just so absent and dead
like a dead heart
that it is intensely nothing
cold and dark
so this might be called a feeling I guess, yes
but the intensity is of my loss
the real pain
I can hardly feel, just guess
and only when intensely still and open
expressing
and listening
How did you find my site?
I do irregular checkups on
the net for RUOW,
(search machine ALLTHEWEB)
although lately (last few years) my path has been
more one of search
for a certain balance in expression
instead of deepening my understanding of the books
and jumping at every trigger in an over-zealous way
and I feel I'm not really ready to re-read all the
books
(read them all except "Indigo" -
the 8th and last book) in fact I really feel that after
the first one
and most introductions of the other ones,
and some passages which were explanatory,
I read the material in a frenzy, not really connecting
or understanding most
so i kind of 'stay in touch' with the material,
feel that I internalized most of the first book,
and wait for the occasion to re-connect -with it
sometimes I read a few pages from the godchannel
to which I connect,
but mostly I also feel it wrong for me to get disciplined
and work through the pages in order of 'lessons'
maybe your proximity (Israel) once
I understood who you were made me feel that there could open in me something
that cannot be touched by words in a book that something is being born for me here
I also wondered how come I never
got to your souka
bamidbar...
somehow... it didn't fit (although it's the kind of
thing I would do)
And how come , that
exactly when you plan to go to Sinai,
you seem to have read the (not completed) page about
MY Sinai?
and also why it is that on pessach
eve when I wanted to pass the border..
they didn't let me go through....,
my sons' passport picture (age 4) was outdated
and they (she -Israeli boderpolice responsible) decided
she couldn't identify him...
had to get back to Kiriat
Ono..
and succeeded on sunday to replace the photograph
I found your site late saturday... [i.e. 4 days later]
all this adventure at the border
was absolutely interesting...
tiring naturally
but I don't feel I've been 'triggered' in heavy emotions
by having been 'rejected' or by having been limited
it's more like being triggered into acceptation and
understanding
than rage, frustration or anger etc..
or else I'm denying - who knows..
interruption - telephone
a friend just suggested the
symbolic meaning of the story about the
photograph of my son
= the need for me to LEHITADKEN
[to become updated]
the world has changed
I am not the same anymore
I can feel more today I guess
I can feel in a more balanced way
less going-into-fits
accepting my limitations
not pushing too far
yes
that's it for today thank you for
listening
hope I haven't overdone your invitation of 'hearing
from me'
love and light
Mar
2003_04_21, Dear Mar,
Thank you so much
for this gift.
Though I keep telling myself,
that it's for my own healing and growth,
that I work and create on my site,
it's marvellous to get this feedback: "makes me want to
cry for no apparent reason,
except maybe that I'm not alone here going through
stuff."
By "going through
stuff"you
probably mean:
by feeling so intensely.
How did you find my site?
And how come , that exactly when you plan to go to
Sinai,
you seem to have read the (not completed) page about
MY Sinai?
I'm waiting for more from
you! Christa-Rachel
2003_05_04 Dear Christa-Rachel
"and for every
sentence in it I could hug you." Thank you for this hug
it seems that although I am well, healthy and quite
happy most of the time
there's this part in me that is so desperate for this
hug
there's a part in me so miserable for it
so sad about it
"Maybe, we should
meet.
But not yet.
Feel, when it's Right Time for you,"
it is good to be in touch
with someone
with whom there's a hope of a certain dialogue...
with gentleness
frail, fragile
very
this new heart
may have been born
maybe
not only will I check out Right
time for me
I follow the thread through fear/threat and even more
"know that just
knowing you do that so close by, helps me do the same!" thank you for telling me
I also want to say I'm starting to
get into it [my site?]and it feels right...
-------------------------
a day later [May 5,
2003]
I have read the process you have
gone through
with godchannel and other healing people at PuzzlePieces/pp28.htm
very strong
thank You
It has shown me a way
an example,
a justification
a reflection
of the perfection of a small
still struggling
dream
of what I believe is "reality" (wrong word)
or something that I'm about - maybe a way of the heart-
heart-to-heart
it is so difficult to find such a
path
I always find paths were I can touch others' hearts
understand/feel and even help (I'm a therapist)
but my heart feels so lonely
so unsure
so 'wrong' sometimes
sometimes others tell me I don't let them in
but when I open
they don't see
they won't enter
or rage
or attack
or deny
and I know I'm right I know my heart is real
come in please but be careful
don't break anything
everything is like a porcelaine crystal shop
it is beautiful inside
between awe, fear and sadness
my heart is
so untouched
and I am with anticipation at my
reaction when writing/saying this
and nothing seems to be triggered
always waiting for bigger truths
to appear
to fill me up with meaningfulness
little me
nothing me - untouched heart
I have nothing real to give and hope to find it in
this heart
no voices, no mother
no father
and it is so easy to fill up with spirit-force new-age
truths
and optimism and lift
but so wrong now
let it be
-------------------
------------------ so
I have seen your vision
and I saw your unbelief and struggle
at their reaction (GC channelers)
and their rejection of your belonging
and their talk to you in fear-filled and meant-to-evoke-fear
language...
accompanied in some cases by a 'spirit-respect' approach
and giving you the same 'spirit-respect'
I have seen greatness here
----------------
feeling self
and feeling others
this is different
i think
as long as I know that the other
is a trigger
a lover
but everything is so frail around
me, fragile, people
or I don't really understand them and get it all wrong
maybe I get it right
and right is whatever comes out
where is my heart
how to discern between my filters and my heart
why do i talk about 'them' when it's all about me?
expectations things to do in life
everything is always filled
by this feeling of not-enough un-finished
too much pain everywhere that is why order must be
put
either to stop the pain.. or to get it as far as possible
from me
so talk things thru, go through it,
open it get it to become feelable without exucrating
pain
or goodby take a hike, hit the road
my neck hurts, my shoulders are tense
the inside of my right thigh is hurting
[things I write but don't fit and
aren't right so I erase them and forget them]
this is it for now
thanks for permitting me to work
with you
(or with who I imagine you to be)
its all very saccaded,
so many thoughts and feelings run between the lines
and paragraphs...
maybe it leaves too much to be guessed..
we'll see how it all evolves
Mar
PS: I knew 25 years ago someone
by the name of rosenzweig
who was very dear to me.. one more mikriut [coincidence].
2003_05_02 Very dear Mar,
I've been reading your letter
every day,
and for every sentence in it I could hug you.
Maybe, we should meet.
But not yet.
Feel, when it's Right Time for you,
and then I'll check if it'll be Right Time for me
too.
In the meantime, your
quest "feel that I internalized
most of the first book,
and wait for the occasion to re-connect -with it"
may be answered through
the page,
which I started one day before your first letter,
and I'll think of you,
whenever I continue what I've started.
Keep going - feeling and
healing,
and know that just knowing you do that so close by,
helps me do the same!
Christa-Rachel
More relating to your letter
from 2003_04_27
on 2003_05_10
If I don't comment, it means,
that I listened, identified and internalized:
my path has been more one of search
for a certain balance in expression
instead of deepening my understanding of the books
and jumping at every trigger in an over-zealous way
...
maybe your proximity (Israel)
once I understood who you were
made me feel that there could open in me something
that cannot be touched by words in a book
that something is being born for me here
the symbolic meaning of the story about the
photograph of my son
= the need for me to LEHITADKEN
the world has changed since when, since what
experience? I am not the same anymore
I can feel more today I guess
I can feel in a more balanced way
less going-into-fits
accepting my limitations
not pushing too far Into what direction
did you push?
