I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may! 8:30 I desire to make the most le-mazzot
of the few hours if being al-one today,
and to be wholly accepting of whatever my two actors, Efrat
& Mika, will bring to our stage.
image of the
day
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
9:04 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to the some 100 billions of neurons in our brain,
which let me experience ME.
I give thanks for the hundreds of impulses,
which can be produced per second by each of these neurons.
I am grate-full for my consciousness,
of knowing who I am
and what I experience.
"Quantensprung"
3 SAT , a series of
5 programs
in honor of the 150th birthday of Max Planck,
is relevant for my present "Quest":
to deeper grasp,
that one of the conditions
for "Heaven-on-Earth-in-Body",
is excitement.
Until Max Planck people thought,
that everything in the Universe was proceeding according to
fixed laws
and therefore everything could be calculated.
I heard Max Planck saying: "I would not wish to live
in such a universe, where everything is to be predicted and
expected."
I wished, I had the complete quote in writing.
But this is my problem
with all the fantastic things
which were said in these programs:
I can hardly grasp them,
leave alone put them in my own words here. Nor is it my preference
(see
what I said about
"Gabriele Dietrich" and her thinking and doing)
to give more attention to this input
than I'm giving it already.
I do hope, that what I need to learn and know, will come to
me again and again in a way
that it nourishes me "automatically",
like the rain makes the plants grow "automatically"
[I once read this Greek term in the Greek New Testament in the
context of a parable by Jesus, in which he used exactly this
metaphor: plants growing "automatically".]
Here are a few quotes from the 3SAT
preview,
in order to leave a seed in my mind and feeling.
Wer ist Ich?
Selbst-Wahrnehmung und Bewusstsein
Wir erfahren die Welt nicht mit unseren
Augen, Ohren oder unserer Haut, sondern wir erleben die Welt
mit unserem Gehirn. Und die Frage ist: wie erschafft das Gehirn
diese Welt, die der wirklichen Welt entsprechen soll? Um das
zu verstehen, müssen wir in tief diesen Mechanismus eindringen
und ihn analysieren....
Etwa 100 Milliarden Nervenzellen, sogenannte Neurone,
haben wir in unserem Gehirn. Zwischen diesen Neuronen funkt
es gewaltig: Elektronische Impulse werden weitergegeben - das
Gehirn arbeitet. Pro Sekunde kann eine Nervenzelle Hunderte
solcher Impulse erzeugen. Ihre Geschwindig-keit: 100 Meter pro
Sekunde. Bevor wir einen Gegenstand erkennen, muss
unser Gehirn diesen aus vielen Daten zusammensetzen. Der Anblick
einer roten Rose setzt voraus, dass wir eine rote Rose schon
einmal gesehen haben. Dazu werden alle bisher gespeicherten
Informationen aktiviert, die mit »rot« und mit »Rose«
zu tun haben. Aus diesem Neuronenfeuer entsteht dann das »Modell«
einer roten Rose. Doch wie wird dieses neuronale Orchester dirigiert?
Woher weiß das Gehirn bei dem permanenten Feuerwerk, welche
Informationen zum gleichen Objekt gehören? Diesem Geheimnis
sind die Wissenschaftler in Lausanne auf der Spur. 15 Jahre
lang hat das Team um Henry Markram Daten gesammelt, um den Schaltkreis
des Gehirns zu simulieren.
Ein körniges Weltall lässt den
Quantenschaum brodeln "Max Planck hat die Physik und die
Weltsicht maßgeblich beeinflusst
... Vor allem aber bedeuteten die von Planck ermittelten "Quantensprünge"
eine wissenschaftliche Revolution, denn bisher hatte man immer
angenommen, dass die Natur in einer Art gleichmäßigem
Gleiten arbeite.
Auf der tiefsten Ebene allen Seins ist das
All nur Schaum
Das Problem der modernen Physik: Albert
Einsteins Relativitätstheorien sind gut bestätigt,
die Quantenmechanik auch. Beide machen hochpräzise bestätigte
Vorhersagen. Aber beide können nicht richtig sein. Physiker
sind darum auf der Suche nach einer Theorie, die beide vereinigt.
Das ist nicht neu in der Physik: Die Theorien Newtons hatten
auch ihr eigenes Versagen vorhergesagt und unsinnnige Werte
geliefert. Dennoch nutzen wir sie noch heute, weil sie im Alltag
noch stimmen.
Quantenmechanik: "Man kann es nicht
verstehen"
Die Quantenmechanik ist der Bereich der
modernen Physik, der sich der Anschauung komplett entzieht.
Selbst Albert Einstein wollte sie nicht wahr haben und ersann
manches Gedankenexperiment, um sie argumentativ zu widerlegen
- doch seinen Nobelpreis bekam er genau für seine Beiträge
zu diesem Zweig der Wissenschaft. Die Quantenmechanik befasst
sich mit einzelnen Teilchen oder Wellen - je nach Interpretation
- und deren individuellen Wahrscheinlichkeiten.
"again
I've achieved the contrary of what I wanted to achieve",
This self-pitying sentence,
comes to my mind (mind?) not only in specific dramas
like the one I set up on Shabbat,
March 29,
but also when I "drive
backward" to entire periods of my life.
Driving
Backward
My Marriage My belief was that love
would overcome everything.
And when this didn't work, I thought,
that if only my husband would find a dream
and realize at least some of his potential,
he would love himself more
and therefore be less triggered by his wife,
who did have a dream and who did work on realizing it.
But though he threw at me ever so often: "you are failing all the
time, you don't succeed in anything", and though he could see, if he
wanted to,
that my "walking my talk" came at a high price
of depression and constant tension and pressure,
he felt paralyzed by living in the presence of such
fervor, zest and determination.
Once, right in the beginning of our life together in
Israel (after 3 years of having lived apart
, in 2 countries) I discovered a typed manuscript
of an uncompleted novel,
which he must have written many years earlier.
I waited for what I hoped would be the right moment
to tell him:
"Rafael, why don't you go back to writing
- I've read those 100 pages of your novel
and they are marvelous!"
I can't convey what happened then.
I didn't yet know about
triggers then!
I didn't yet know about denials
and the horrid eruptions they can cause...
His voice reached a terrible pitch
and his body-language indicated the threat of violence: "If you mention this subject
one more time,
I don't know what I'll do to you."
For how many years
could I hold on to my deepest wish,
- that Rafael may become himself and love himself?
During the last years I once dared to say: "If you would at least believe
in living a life of "dolce vita",
it would be alright for me.
Not everyone needs to follow a vocation
and suffer the way I suffer by following it." But he could not - and
probably no highly talented person can -
enjoy life as he could have created it from moment to
moment,
though on the exterior level billions of people dream
about such a life:
a house and garden,
no financial worries (though he believed there were...),
three wonderful children (and also the two of his first
marriage were wonderful)
a very "good wife" and housewife.
He was totally free, could do what he wanted
except for the easy, well-paid job - 5 days a week -
as the Israeli advisor of the US Agricultural Attaché
.
But all these fortunate circumstances were a nothing
but a golden cage...
In August 1980,
during my "JEWISH-PALESTINIAN
INITIATIVE" of my "Partnership"
work, Gene Hofmann from the USA wanted to visit me.
Since she was "important" (a mother of seven, twice divorced,
a counselor and very rich),
Rafael asked to be present during her visit.
After an hour or so Rafael went to the toilet and Gene
hurried to say:
"But Rachel, this man is suffering terribly!
He feels invalidated by your very presence!"
Gene Hofmann in my garden at Ramat-Hadar
(my daughter sits behind her), August 1980 - the angel
who came down with a hammer on my head: "It's time
to let go of your desire to make your husband love himself!"
On Sept. 13, I ran away from home.
Below: I bring Gene to Neve-Shalom
and to my "partners", Rushdi Fadila, who then
lived there with his family, and Ibrahim Sam'aan, who
came especially to meet Gene.
Finetuning
to my Present
The total failure of my approach - repeated so often
with former and later "partners" in the work
on my visions
- became blatantly visible,
I drew the consequence and left the man I loved.
But even then I had not learnt my lesson.
Yearning for and chasing constantly after "partners'"
who would work with me on what I thought was "our"
vision,
but which was in the end only my own,
let me fall prey to my belief over and over again:
the belief, that if I only let my "partners"
see their greatness
and provide a practical context in which they could apply
it,
they would in time become who they really were,
and love themselves as they were.
Even after I had sculpted the
humerous-sad pages about this pattern,
which I called "partnering",
I fell into the trap again, even twice,
on "Noah's
Shore" and on "Mount
Ararat"...
But this was not the only failure of my "goodness".
Driving Backward
My son's Marriage
Another huge and crucial failure
was my endeavor
to help my son Immanuel and his ex-wife preserve their
marriage.
From the beginning - these kids were both 16, when they
"met" -
nobody in the family was pleased with this relationship,
not even my son himself.
He was denying himself like hell, rationalizing like
hell,
when he did marry her after 7 years.
The wedding was showered with 'signs from heaven', that
this was wrong,
and he saw these signs.
Four times during the following years
- in July 1987, in October 1988, in November 1994, in
February 1998 -
I "succeeded" in "saving" the marriage.
B u t t h i s w
a s w r o n g !
All my fantastic
skills of teaching people in general and couples
in particular
to "support each other" in healing
emotions and releasing
judgments
were put to use for a wrong goal!
The bitter-bitter fruits of the behavior of my "loving
heart" and my "wise mind" have to
be eaten and digested still, day after day.
Release any judgment
of what you believe to be loving!
There are no values, no advices, no guide-lines, no recipes
for what it means to be loving!
My "wave-lesson" is one
example of this.
But 2 days ago there was a situation in this house,
where I had to ask my son:
"Have you considered, if all my help is wrong,
like it was wrong with concern to your relationship with
R.?"
"We do not give you the position of supporting our
relationship,
as we did then."
"I'm not talking about direct support of creating/healing
the relationship. I'm talking about my very being here..."
"You come here mainly for Mika!"
"Yes, this is what I'm telling myself too:
I feel, that Mika has chosen to grow up with grandma around.
And I have chosen Mika to be part of raising a child wholeheartedly,
not suffering from the constant dilemma: "I should
follow my vocation."
Diary 2006_08_17
Am I , by becoming whole, by becoming New Heart
causing others to feel even less whole,
to hate themselves even more?
Is "wholeness" after all like "goodness",
which polarizes???
On that day , I put "whole"
in "Search" of the GodChannel
Navigator
When I now searched again, the Search came up with more passages.
Listing all these hints to messages about wholeness,
also provides a good overview, of what "Godchannel"
is about!
GodChannel
- Healing Class: Body "Before there was any kind of duality...
there was only one whole being. ... Original Heart was its own
whole being with no unmet needs, no desire not ...
"Original Heart was its own whole
being with no unmet needs, no desire not ... Then, while
still one whole being, Heart configured almost all of its Will
..."
Mother
Pages - Original Mother "To prepare for our separation, he and
I, we twisted at the center of ourselves to create two parts
of one whole, with a tether in between. ..."
GodChannel
- Healing Class Discussion: Body "And of course this time Original Heart
will be with peers, fully whole, yet in more than one body.
So in the largest sense, Earth is the venue of our ..."
GodChannel
- Four Steps Revisited "Who you truly are is a whole
being, although you may have not yet fully ... As the healer
of your whole self, you also become the healer of Creation.
..."
GodChannel
- Discussion of the Four Steps "I don't want you to give up anything
of yourself, and in fact my wish is that you get back all of
yourself and become whole. You are right to not do things ..."
GodChannel
- Talk with God "My plan for you is that you become
whole, that you be Who You Truly Are, and that you do it your
way. There's more to being human than you learned in school
..."
GodChannel
- Fundamentals of Manifestation "What now seems to be rock-solid reality
in the first attention is only a part of the whole picture of
reality. This is why the first attention has often ..."
GodChannel
- Grandfather Pages
"But we were not complete, we were not
whole. There was still much of the Original Will, the
Mother of Everything... that was left holding space for the
Void ..."
GodChannel
- Grandfather Pages " But Heart was not whole, everything
we ourselves had left behind in the Void ... But we were not
complete, we were not whole. There was still much of the ..."
GodChannel
- Channeling Class Discussion "Yes, being whole
means embodying both of us in Heart. And although the way of
channeling the Mother ... My Whole Truth
includes everyone's relative truth. ..."
GodChannel
- Fundamentals of Manifestation " It is now time for a healing of Magic
on Earth, and the movement to a deeper form of Magic, worked
in wholeness, and practiced by whole beings
for the good ... "
GodChannel
Discussion - Right Use of Will
"Speaking for Deity, it is our desire to have companionship,
not as fragments of a whole relating with each other as we have,
but as a whole relating with ..."
God's
Messengers "Just as each relative truth is a unique
and important part of the Whole Truth,
each of my messengers is delivering their part of my message
in a unique way ..."
GodChannel
- Discussion of the Urantia Book " ... most importantly, prior to your
own Creation your Spirit and Mother essence will be united and
whole, already present in you as Heart in manifestation. ...
"
GodChannel
- Healing Class: Redeeming the Devils "The first and most difficult step is
to recognize that you are not whole as spirit, that part of
your spirit is not with you. You may find it projected out ...
"
"And as you look backward, you will see your life in terms
of a path that has been leading inexorably to your own greatness
as a whole being. ... "
GodChannel
- Letter to the Father & Mother of Creation "Your human forms are now readying themselves
for their union with you, and for their full participation in
the manifestation of a healed and whole Creation ... "
GodChannel
- Identity "Your true identity is as a whole being,
all the parts are you... no one of these ... Just as the parts
of Deity are fragments of a single whole identity, ..."
GodChannel
- Awareness " These qualities are what will enable
you as Body to bring together the two opposite poles of Creation
in their completely whole, loving union... manifesting ... "
GodChannel
- Releasing Judgments Discussion I am amazed at the certain simplicity
of my healing, realizing the grace of accepting my whole self.
Gradually I am experiencing my new creation as ...
Interview
with 'the Folks,' Part Two " When the Mother's essence is whole
in you, parentalness is no longer needed. All the nonparental
desires can then find their loving fulfillment. ..."
The entries in GodChannel
Forum, which is no longer active,
I can only quote from my Diary 2006, not retrieve them,
though they still exist on the Forum site.
..
By Anonymous on Monday,
July 30, 2001 :
Up until now, when one has spoken of perfect
love,
one has been referring to the One in perfect balance.
The undifferentiated One.
A form of stasis.
Dynamic would not be a word to describe this One.
Form is present in the One,
but it is undifferentiated form which makes it unrecognizable
as form.
Much the same can be said of Will and Spirit in the One.
The One is the One and that is All.
The nature of manifestation
is one of polarities.
Not necessarily duality, but polarity.
The understanding of the difference between polarization and
duality
has been a long time in coming.
Polarization does not negate the One,
is not in contradiction to the One,
while duality is.
To insist that 'A' is EITHER
this OR
that sets one up to limit 'A' to an isolated (separated) aspect
of the One
which by definition negates the existence of the One.
It does not allow the One to be One.
While God does not disallow
duality,
God is not duality.
God, however, has needed to experience duality
to find that duality is not God.
For God this has been an experience of discovering
how to polarize OneSelf into aspects which,
while containing the One and manifesting the One within balance,
nevertheless display mixes of differing strengths of the myriad
aspects of God.
Original cause for the desire
to keep everything very simple and contained:
distrust of manifestation.
Instinctive knowing that it was somewhere in the process
of attempting to allow the myriad of aspects individual expression
that we lost ourselves.
By Judith on Friday,
October 20, 2000: Dear Julie,
What I was trying to do was
to draw a distinction between the rush of confidence
that shows up when balance is achieved for a moment
and the real nitty gritty work of New Heart
which is constantly running and rolling
with every swing back and forth between the two polarities
until all the essence that is lost has been retrieved and healed.
Think of the ship as missing
a few oars and short on crewmen/women,
with a ripped sail and a hurricane blowing around it
and New Heart at the helm trying to find port.
He/She is scared, and tired and stressed and overwhelmed
and yet, someone has got to do it, and guess who's job it is?
New Heart, in my experience,
is not unaware of the mother's
[Efrat's] suffering.
On the contrary, New Heart, is SO aware of the mother's [Efrat's]
suffering
that even though He/She is terrified of this job and all this
responsibility,
and would like to run like hell to a place of shelter, and no
responsibility,
New Heart cannot, and will NOT leave the mother [Efrat]
to suffer,
and will find a way to port, no matter what,
no matter how difficult the journey,
and despite the pain involved.
….
If this precarious situation suddenly gives way for a moment
to calm seas,
and a happy crew, before the next storm hits, don't confuse New Heart's song of jubilation
for this small reprieve
as the song of completion that will finally sound from their
lips.
It's just an expression of the moment,
and the moment deserves to be celebrated.
Same day: the Channelers Another way we understand New Heart is
as the healing of the Plane of Reversals~~~
so far love based in New Heart doesn't seem to reverse on us
like the other stuff too often did. But with Efrat it does. The point of New Heart, as we understand
it... is
that it is Heart (or love) without denials.
Very special stuff, and as mentioned, quite easy to hate...
especially when someone else says they have it, and we don't
feel like we do.
No! my problem is, that New
Heart is very easily being hated,
it easily draws out hatred in others,
especially towards themselves,
and again I've achieved the contrary of what I wanted to achieve.
From
head to feet
this is me, this is me
look into my eyes,
this is me, this is me,
with a smile till the ears,
swinging with both hands
in front of me and from my back,
what do you say to that?
This is me, this is me - I with all my body,
this is me, this is me - I in my entirety.
You can turn around
and sometimes you fall,
You lift your knees,
and jump to the sky.
song of
the day
An excellent piece
from a CD with songs for small kids,
chosen one by one by the couple
who conducts Mika's kindergarden. The names of the
authors were not noted.
Continuation
of the sculpture of the togetherness with my eldest granddaughter
and my youngest granddaughter and their father, my son
Three images
of
two sisters dancing
When E. suddenly appeared,
and did not leave despite a difficult talk
between father & daughter (born in 1987)
in which he, for the first time ever,
shared his pain about her
in the "context" of her mother,
I asked myself:
'How can I apply the "wave" lesson
to my
eldest granddaughter,
who has been shunning me,
to say the least, for ten years?'
After the easy flowing in nature,
Immanuel cooked, and somehow,
I came to listen to her feelings
about her "incarnation in the thirties".
Since she frequently mentioned
"youtube" videos about Judy Garland,
her mother and her daughters,
especially E's most beloved Liza
Minnelli
"talents which no longer exist",
I asked her, if she wanted to show me.
Then we had dinner, Mika included.
I feared, that that was "it".
But when I had finished the dishes,
she invited me to watch more videos,
about "Vaudeville"
the predecissor of "Broadway"
and much much about about "Deco-Art",
The Empire State Building in New
York,
According to E. "the ultimative Deco-Art" The The Art Deco spire of the Chrysler
Building in New York, built 1928–1930
She has always hated
it, when I looked at her.
Watching the videos allowed me to listen to her,
without looking at her.
And when she paused with a video,
I had the good idea of doodling on a piece of paper,
on which my son had noted some phone-numbers.
Thus I avoided pressuring E. in any way.
As she went on informing me
about the world she loves,
contrasting it sharply with the world she lives in,
and "into which I don't fit",
I slowly, almost secretly, threw in some questions,
which concerned her longing for the nineteen-thirtees.
I mentioned, that I too, when I was young,
yearned for having been born in a past century,
in this case: the middle of the 19th century,
which I identified with the nature paintings of that time. "You still are there!"
she said , i.e. in that "Nature". "Now I am in contact with real Nature,
for those paintings were an illusion, not reality."
Finally I dared to suggest,
that her vocation was to bring the thirties into this time,
and to enrich it by her talent (which is from the thirties) "I never doodle! So
what have I done here?"
E.: "This is a kind of Deco-Art!"
I added curved spikes all around.
and she transformed those into a "fan".
To bring my point across I interpreted it this way:. "It could be a medusa in water or
a creature flying..,
or it could be your dream,
started in the nineteen-thirtees,
as it becomes true in the future"
This was the scene I saw on the morning of
that day, on which we parted close to midnight, after hours of an easy
togetherness
- a miracle after ten years!
But be careful:
" Ride the wave, retreat with the wave,
... don't stick to peaks nor get stuck in pits" says my
wave-song,
or as Judith said to July on the Forum of Godchannel, in Oct. 2000 [see
above] "What I was trying to do was to draw
a distinction
between the rush of confidence
that shows up when balance is achieved for a moment
and the real nitty gritty work of New Heart
which is constantly running and rolling
with every swing back and forth between the two polarities
until all the essence that is lost has been retrieved and healed.
...
"don't confuse New Heart's song of jubilation for this small reprieve
as the song of completion that will finally sound from their lips.
It's just an expression of the moment,
and the moment deserves to be celebrated."
April
11, 2008 , 22:23 A "forward" from Immanuel
of a link to a videa,
which his daughter had asked him to open,
since "the song of Liza about her
father, reminds me a little bit of us."
Immanuel added: "The song and this
sentence connect some of the experiences E. had on the day she
stayed with us."
"I
got my drive from my mom, and I got my dreams from my father,"
declares Liza Minnelli in the first act of her one-woman extravaganza,
"Stepping Out at Radio City." Proudly nostalgic, the
singer goes on to pay tribute to Vincente Minnelli, who worked
as a production designer at Radio City Music Hall in the 1930's
before he became a Hollywood director and married Judy Garland.
While she sings "Seeing Things," a dreamy ballad with
music John Kander and lyrics by Fred Ebb, who is also her director,
photos of her father are projected onto a giant screen. "Seeing
Things" is the most touching moment..."
DELICIOUS
DELETION