2001_05_22; checked for updates and studied
again on July 26, 2010
In the original there are no links
Original Mother remembers
Original Heart
"This is Mother,
and I must first say
there is no separate 'Original Mother.'
We are all me.
I am taking voice here for what I remember,
this piece of us all,
this piece of Original Heart.
Grandfather speaks of 'the plan'
as if we understood then where we would end up,
but just as you cannot yet see into your future clearly,
neither could we.
pp21
"There was One.
There was US All.
There was you and me
and everything else,
every being,
good and bad,
loving and unloving,
we all were together as oneness.
Yes, you know that.
You've heard it
from a thousand gurus as they
led you back into pain and destruction.
They've told you its all the same, still all One -
separation still an illusion.
"Creation a grand game of hide
and seek.
But this is no game
for the Will of Creation,
"there is a deeper
reality here,
and it is full of pain.
We are no longer One.
We are many.
We are separate,
and yet we are connected.
"We agreed
to create ourselves into many.
"Identity was attached to, and
sides were taken
to first create two.
I, the piece of Mother
who speaks now,
was near the head of the Will side.
To prepare for our separation,
he and I,
we twisted at the center of ourselves
to create two parts of one whole,
with a tether in between.
"This twist was not unpainful
to the Will side.
We had never known pain before,
no words were present to articulate pain.
Yet even now
I remember that pain.
The pain of being without light.
The pain of needing to be fed
what little light I could get
through a thin tube at my center,
this was what was left of
Original Heart,
this thin crossover place of energy between Spirit and Will.
"We, you and I and all of us decided to do this,
when there was only one of us
to decide.
This is what is spoken of as your parentalness.
You chose this
just as much as anyone,
or anything else in existence.
There was only One
to make the decision,
and we all made it together.
"But we had no idea
it would bring this incredible pain
that still reverberates
throughout our essence.
"Will then began to feel excruciating,
suffocating pain.
I felt terror inside of all Will, I
felt the panic and blindness,
for there was so little light, and the panic spread. And
We, all the Will polarity,
had never felt anything without light present.
We didn't even recognize this experience as feelings.
And worst of all, we felt that this experience was eternal.
We did not know that with separation,
time was now in existence.
We had only known eternity,
and pain was not the eternal feeling
we wished to have.
"Compared to pain of present experience
this would be like -
the pain of holding your breath and not knowing if you will ever
breathe again.
It was not the real evolved pain like we have now.
But even so, we in the Will judged against pain,
against any and all pain for forevermore.
"And Spirit,
as far as I can understand,
felt no pain,
felt almost nothing without Will
to bring feelings
into order and meaning.
So Spirit felt at peace
in face of all this.
"We all became enraged at the
lack of light, so I shook the cord.
"I can feel it now, how I shook
Heart so violently,
how I shook our pathway
so that it would open and bring more light
to end the pain caused by its absence.
We imprinted then that more light is better.
And because at first it seemed to work,
we imprinted that Heart's role is to bring us light.
We had no experience to understand balance
or the delicate place we were in.
"He moved toward me then,
he rushed at me huge and brilliant
and I feared we would become One again,
and I would lose being me.
I did not know me,
but I did not want to lose me so quickly,
I had already attached to my identity.
So I clamped down on the cord.
I slammed down around my heart connection
just as he smacked into me.
In that catastrophe we killed
most of what was left of Original Heart
as we first came into Form.
"Suddenly, there was no Original
Form any longer,
and there was no Original Heart,
there was just me, Original Mother
and the being you know as 'Grandfather' -
and we were far, far apart.
The Mother
Remembers More of Original Heart
"I have these other memories
of my origins as well.
In Original Heart
I was alone,
but I was whole.
" I had a thread of self
which I looked down upon.
It flowed from myself
out into the void
and was connected to Him,
to The Light,
as I called him then.
I had no awareness of a time
of not being able to feel him through this thread,
this place of connection,
like an umbilical cord
which attached us
in our infancy of evolution.
"I had a feeling of separateness,
but of connectedness.
"We had chosen to separate,
to know each other
apart from each other,
and the flow of Heart which connected us felt good to me.
I called to him.
"He drifted for a long time, seemingly unaware of me.
I was eager to feel him and look at him, and be seen by him.
I was anxious
to experience us apart,
and yet close.
I pulled, I yearned,
I felt out to him
and I knew
he was not the same as I.
It excited me.
He was different,
and I longed to understand
this difference.
This Light somehow felt to be the
reason for my existence.
"I shook the cord between us to rouse him.
I shook our Heart to move him.
I vibrated him awake.
"And quickly, too quickly he was
moving.
He was moving toward me
and growing larger as he came closer.
He was gaining speed and light and size,
and he was already huge.
I felt that he was going to crash into me as a typhoon of light,
and that I would be dissolved by him,
and I would no longer exist.
I had just become me,
I didn't wish to disappear in his light...
"So, I closed.
I tightened my center down around the cord which connected us
and as I did, which I only later understood,
I focused him into me
as a piercing strong beam of light
which exploded the place of our connection.
Daughter was lost to me, and our Son was injured.
Suddenly many, many pieces were dead within me.
And then I was alone.
"But 'alone' cannot begin to describe it,
for I had never been alone.
I had never not been with him as me,
forever joined as one eternal being without self.
"I blamed Heart,
but Heart was not the cause of this pain,
Heart was the victim of my fear.
I did not know
what in God made him barrel into me like that,
or even if he knew he was doing it,
I felt almost no consciousness,
as I understood it then, coming from him -
but that is not my story to tell.
"I wish for everyone
to work with me on these judgments,
for all Will holds them.
I release the judgment
that I am not big enough to hold or move all of this ~
I release the judgment
that if I make room for others I will lose myself ~
I release the judgment that Heart will kill me ~
"We both tried to kill the rest of Heart then.
Each of us on our own side of the gap
mistakenly thought Heart was the bringer of our
pain.
We lost the memory of what we had been before,
and why we had chosen to come into manifestation.
In the beginning I was impatient, he was reluctant,
and we both hurt each other deeply.
"Greater Heart communion could have helped us there,
and throughout all time
we've looked to Heart
to regain our connection and our understanding.
Please honor Heart's right place
as the origination point of understanding.
I leapt away from Heart,
and we have all been injured.
I grieve for all our lost time,
and all our broken Hearts."
A Very Young Mother - Ancient Now
Grandfather
Remembers Original Heart
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