image of the day: this pigeons felt at home
inside the Central Bus Station of Tel-Aviv,
while I erred through the 7 floors
and the endless mazes - for 20 min.
until I found the bus Nr. 501 to Shoham...

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

17:38
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to the muscles of our eyes and our eyelids,
which - by contracting and releasing them - helped us
- together with other efforts of body, mind and feeling -
to cope with the "bugs" of this day
and turn what was frightful into what is fruitful.

I am grate-full for possessing a camera
and for the 55 years of learning and experiencing with its help,
how to really see what I see,
I am grate-full for not having wasted those 5 hours
on "trying to get somewhere", in this case to Shoham,
but by "eating and tasting" what was implied in each minute situation.
[See to what this quote refers - on Friday March 28]
I am grate-full for the favor I succeeded in doing to Deqel,
and for the joy I heard in my children's response to my decision to come.
And thanks for the discovery of that verse about eating and tasting.

For many decades "Egged"
had the monopol of public transportation
in Israel outside the big towns:
"The history of Egged started 72 years ago,
in January 1933,
when four public transportation companies
were united into one organization,
which the national poet
Chaim Nachman Bialik called "Egged"
[from the verb "to unify"]
Even so, the history of a motorized
public transport in Eretz Israel
actually started long before,
at the end of the First World War,
after the British Army
had defeated the Turkish Army
and the Government of His Majesty King George V received the mandate to rule here."

Some years ago other companies
started to break the monopol,
like "Superbus" which connects Shoham
to my airport train-station and to Tel-Aviv,
or like "Metropolin",
which connects Arad to Beersheva,
where I usually ascend the train, usually! - because today there suddenly was no train,
that's why I had to take an overcrowded
Egged bus to Tel-Aviv,
in order to wait there for almost an hour
to get the "Superbus" to Shoham.

Finetuning to my Present (sculpted 2 days later in the morning)

I got up as usual - after having given the chance to Body, Mind and Feeling,
to become whole and integrated and one and rejoicing towards the new day.
Then, as usual, I started the ten minutes of my blessed getting-ready routine,
first pressing the button of the tape-recorder, then the button of the computer,
so it could upload while I would put water in the electrical kettle,
go to the loo, drink a glass of urine, dress, insert my artificial teeth,
put my bed in order and stroll through the garden while combing my hair.
But alas - the computer, this new computer! - would not open.
The monitor worked, the scanner worked, the loudspeaker worked,
even the UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply) worked
but the computer stayed dead, whatever I tried with the electricity cables,
alone at first, then with Immanuel via phone, then with Eduard via phone.
Eduard - my wonderful computer expert - would not make it to me today.
And - assuming that the power supply was damaged -
he would have to take it away and who knows, when he'll be able to return it.

While focusing all the time on
"how to create my personal conditions of Heaven-on-Earth = Feeling Full-Filled "
I was very much aware of my dependency on the computer and the Internet,
and I constantly asked myself:
how could I feel full-filled,
if computer-Internet for creating & learning would cease to exist?
I felt both - scared and ashamed - but I also trusted that I would find a way.

In connecting to my feelings as well as to my consciousness and intuition,
I asked:
Has this "bug" been staged to learn how to become free of my dependency?
And if so - how am I to proceed to free myself?

But when I was all ready to cope bravely,
an idea came to me, while letting Body be massaged by the water in the jacuzzi,
which suggested a different purpose of the circumstance "no computer".
"Go to Shoham! There is your other computer.
And you are needed there!"
[April 1: did they need ME, or was it ME who needed a lesson?]
And indeed, when I later asked my son, if it would be alright if I came,
he laughed - released! - "that's what Efrat wanted to talk with you about."

How good, that I hadn't heard the phone ringing the evening before.
I wouldn't have known how to respond to Efrat's shy quest.
My rule is, to come to Shoham, when Immanuel is on flight,
and to return to Arad, when he comes home.
Since he is on leave for 11 days,
and since because of the drama with Immanuel's first family,
they gave up the plan to spend a week in Rome,
in order to focus totally on the fight that has to be fought,
there was no reason for me to come - according to my rule.

But was the need to break that rule the only reason for "no computer"?

The day had more "bugs" in store.
When I reached the station in Arad, the bus escaped - 2 minutes before its time.
There would be another bus half an hour later, but I would miss the train by 1 hour...
I used the time of waiting to carry out an additional initiative (oh Rachel!...):
"Deqel? I'm on my way to Shoham - computer -
and since I can't see a chance for a meeting during April (from 11-28 holidays),
I ask, if you would like/be able to conduct a "Living Water Workshop" tomorrow."

Deqel was pleasantly surprised by my initiative (you see, Rachel, this also happens!),
and though she doubted, it could be done, she promised to try and call me back.
"There is something else, Rachel, maybe you with your Dead Sea experience....
the big annual school trip of the girls' age group will be to the Dead Sea.
We'll stay at the Ein-Gedi Khanion [parking-lot where tents can be errected etc.]
but nobody in the entire area is ready or able to rent-out a gas-bottle,
it's not permitted to take one in the bus, and how are we to cook for 70 children?"


I called Zipi, who had worked as a ranger at Ein-Gedi, as part of her "Service-Year"
[an alternative program for those who don't want to serve their years in the army].
She had the solution: "I give you the number of Yacov, let Deqel call him:
He is responsible for the ancient synagogue at Ein-Gedi,
and since they'll probably visit it and pay entrance anyway,
he'll allow them to cook and eat there."


After having given Deqel the info - and while already in my bus to Beersheva,
she called me with exhilaration: "You are a queen, Rachel!
This gentle man, Yacov, rents us a bottle - for free - and for the Khanion!"
I laughed:
"You see, why my computer had to break down?
So that I would travel to Shoham,
which would bring up the idea to meet the Benot-Mitzvah Girls,
which made me call you,
which made you tell me about your gas-bottle,
and though you can't make it with the meeting,
you'll be able to relax towards the trip."

"I've been struggling with the gas-bottle problem for already 2 weeks,
so if I had called you about it earlier, your power supply wouldn't have died?
I'm not taking responsibility for this!" she laughed.

This satisfying and amusing intermezzo reinforced my question:
'why was the computer-breakdown staged - in general - and today in particular?'


Beersheva train-station - locked ! the guard: "no trains today".
It is not the first time that this happened,
[they are repairing and expanding the passage between Beersheva & Kiryat Gat],
and whenever it happens, I decide to "next time" open the train's website to be sure...
Though I was taking my anger out on the guard (poor guard!), saying cynically:
"Oh, how fantastic! Especially on a day of such a strong Khamseen!"
I knew rightaway, that if I had seen on the website:"No trains from --- to ",
I would have doubted my idea to travel to Shoham, while my son was at home.

A proof, that I still - despite this second delay and discomfort - was right,
was, when I found an Egged-bus waiting in the bus-station,
and though crowds of people wanted to enter it just like me,
I could squeeze myself in, ready to be standing all the 85 minutes to Tel-Aviv.
And if this wasn't enough of "grace", a soldier girl urged (!) me to take her place.


When I entered my children's flat , after almost 5 hours, I greeted them serenely.
Stories and threefold focusing on the strategy towards Immanuel's first family
alternated with the delightful watching of our interaction with Mika.
And though I still (2 days later) don't have the answer to my question,
'for what purpose did my new computer break down in such a total way'
I feel, that I coped very well with the exterior bugs,
and I trust the rightness of that staging.
Since Eduard will be coming to take the power pack from my flat only tonight,
I"ll probably stay at Shoham also tomorrow and on Shabbat,
and since Tomer is supposed to be with his father, i.e. also with me,
the answer to my question might still be given in the future.
[April 1: yes indeed...]

Since I'm writing this 2 days later, I want to mention one other puzzling thing:
Ofir, my landlord, whom I put on alert concerning the coming of Eduard,
called me about something else:
With utmost caution he told me, that he has bought a "tractoron",
the kind of little tractors on which young men race through the desert,
and that, in order to park it behind the house,
we (!) would need to destroy a part of my garden.
I was a bit shocked, and he tried to describe the "minimal" damage he envisions.
"Well, let's talk about it and see what can be done, when the vehicle comes."
"But it comes already tomorrow (=today). When will you come home?"
"Without a functioning computer I've nothing for what to come home!"
[ohoh, Rachel, what horrid statement!
Even if it was a kind of discharge
of your displeasure about tractoron and garden!)
"But couldn't you work on your laptop in the meantime?"
I saw, how important it was to him to solve the problem NOW,
and my mumbling about not knowing if I could get the hibernated laptop going
made him say:
"Well I'll park it on the parking-lot (of my veranda) until you come."

Why this dilemma now?
Immanuel is home, which means, I should be in Arad according to my rule.
Ofir wants me in Arad desperately
and Eduard could install a temporary power pack [April 1: he couldn't!].
But on the other hand -
* Efrat is hurt, that I make my staying here dependent on the computer.
* Tomer will be coming and will most certainly need me.
* That family-drama - its tides may rise even higher from today on
* I'm truly grateful for every minute I am priviledged to spend in Mika's presence.

Facit on Thursday 11 AM : I'll stay here with my family wholeheartedly!