|
re-edited on July 26-27, 2013
EDITH
STEIN who became SAINT TERESIA BENEDICTA A CRUCE
versus
EVA MARIA CHRISTA GUTH who became
CHRISTA RACHEL MARYAM BAT-ADAM
or
Self-Sacrifice
versus
Self-Acceptance
|
revised in June , 2010 - 'im tasim asham nafsho - see below
 |
My
Song
To
learn to love myself is honorable! |
|
2005_10_08; Last update: on the morning
after the Festival of Succot - 2005_10_26
3) Is
surreptitious self-sacrifice,
4) The Edith Stein symbol is getting
more and more mixed up with the Masada symbol,
|
Edith Stein or St. Benedicta of the Cross
On Oct. 6, 2005, I visited Zwi Wiener, a new aquaintance in my neighborhood
at Arad.
He - unlike his parents... - escaped from Berlin and reached the Land
of Israel in 1939.
Some 45 years later, when Edith Stein was - not yet sanctified - but
beatified,
he learnt, that her grandfather and his grandfathers
were brothers.
I was in awe!
October 6, 2009: I am in awe
again !
Having re-read and updated pages in my library AUschwitz-BirkenAU all
day long,
I realized, that I had dealt
with my Edith Stein "problem" already in November 2003.
In order to mention this fact on this page, which I DID remember, I
opened it!
And lo! - I am reading: "October 6", i.e. I sculpted this
page exactly 4 years ago.
The page also shows a photo of two books at my bed-side..... Marian
and Edith Stein...
Is not her name and a certain moment in her life
symbolizing for me the reason for having joined the people of Israel?
That moment...
when the Gestapo ripped her away from her Christian sister nuns...
and "we all cried and someone stuck some food into her pocket"...
as those sister nuns testified later...
....but....
not even 20 years later did it occur to them or does it occur to them
now
to ask the natural question:
"Why did we not go with her?"
I am not judging their lack of action.
"Do not judge your fellow until you'll be in
his place",
said the Jewish Sages 2000 years ago.
I am judging the lack of thinking!
Christian Thought
lacks the Biblical-Jewish understanding of this law of reality:
Since we are all dependent on each other, we must always
act in solidarity.
"For whoever segregates from the community,
will not see the delivery of the community",
he will be like a leaf in the wind.
Solidarity, therefore, is not a "moral value" or "humane
behavior" !
It is simply self-interest!
Nobody can do or not do anything without causing others to enjoy or
endure the consequences.
So what is more logical than turning the passive "vouchsafing for
each other" into active solidarity?
And from there into the principal responsibility of each and everyone
for each and everyone?
I dedicated many years of my life -
my Ph.D. and a German and Hebrew book-version of it -
to studying,
how this law of "All Israel (=all people) are Guarantors for Each
Other"
can be congruent with the biblical message of Freedom,
symbolized in the Exodus from Egypt and in the wandering in "unsown
land" (Jeremia 2:2)
reinforced year after year through the festivals of Pesach and Succot.
 |
"All
Israel are Guarantors for Each Other"
Maryam, alias Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, married Rachel Rosenzweig, born Eva-Maria-Christa Guth |
 |
And now - in 2005,
between Rosh Hashanah/New Year and Yom Kippur -
Edith Stein, the Jewish Carmelite nun, born in Germany, murdered in
Auschwitz,
came to me, almost personally, - to meet me at Arad, this little desert
town in Israel,
me, the German-Christian born "Maryam", who believes that
her work is in the isolated "Zealots' Valley"
between Arad and the Dead Sea and .................... Masada, "one
of the leading myths of Israel society",
a myth about 967 "Zealots", men, women, children, who "sacrificed"
their lives for country and freedom!
Zwi Wiener
gave me two volumes with 300 letters, written
by Edith Stein between 1916 and 1942.
Though I am such a slow reader, these books devoured me like a crocodile.
 |
During
these days of intense turmoil I once discerned, |
Today,
on Yom Kippur, Oct. 14, I felt, as if Edith Stein was with me,
saying about her belief in self-sacrifice -
like the self-sacrificing woman in the movie "Breaking
the Waves" -
"Maybe,
I was wrong after all",
a
question which brings up tears,
whenever I check my own doing "for
the World".
And I feel, it's me, who has "to put it right".
To put right what?
The world-destroying belief in self-sacrifice!
It is not only the greatest value of Christianity,
brought to triumphant glory by St. Edith Stein,
it is a belief which has "infected" all the best people in
history
and is not less prevalent today
even among those peoples and people
who disdain suicide "terrorists",
the ideological offspring of Jesus and Edith Stein and the 967 Masada
self-murderers.
"When
I was a little boy,"
said Boris,
one of my "starchildren", now 19 years of age,
I was eager to grow up and follow
Trumpeldor's testament
(another Israeli myth, by the
way):
"It's good to die for our country!"
I felt, that if I would die for my country,
my life would have meaning!"
That's
exactly how those fire-workers on September Eleven felt:
"I wanted to do something I was
able to live with for the rest of my life,
this I can live with.
A lot of the guys feel that way.
You get up in the morning
and look into the mirror and say:
you are doing something with your life."
"You do the job, you risk your life, to help others."
[see
my work on this in Puzzle Piece 31 "Sacrifice", dated 2002_11_14]
Whenever I ask a boy in Israel, about to be "recruited" into
the army, for his motivation to become a soldier,
the forever forseeable "crux" of his answer will be, - whatever
the phrasing -
"someone has to sacrifice himself
so the people can live!"
As if there was no way to create the situation which allows people to
truly live - without sacrifice!
{See
my work on "Turning a Negative Dependency into a Positive Dependency",
or "how to create the conditions for Partnership between Arabs
and Jews"}
It is, as if
nothing has changed,
since firstborns were offered up to the gods and to "God"
(e.g. Bible, Jeremia 7:31).
The "Binding of Isaac"
['aqedat yitzkhaq"- Genesis
22]
is still understood as "the sacrifice
of Isaac",
revived in the sacrifice of God's "Son"
though the encoded double message is:
"You are NOT to sacrifice your firstborn,
but yes, you have to do your "Lèkh
Lekhâ"
not only from what you see as your
security in the past, family and fatherland,
but also from what you see as your security in the future, your offspring
...
see more about the meaning of
the aqedat yitzkhaq in "Redemption
of Shadow"
At
this time the divine message is not encoded any longer,
but clearcut:
"I do not want sacrifice of what you want, but of what
you don't want!"
| 1891
Breslau-1942 Auschwitz
|
http://www.freyaray.com/learntolovebetter.html
As if to help me complete the painful research on Edith Stein's belief in "self-sacrifice" and the fulfillment of her belief till death, I was informed of the following passage on 2005_10_12, Yom Kippur, the Eve of The Day of Atonement, which was - in 1891 - the day of Edith's birth. "Love Yourself "Start with yourself. The first thing you must know is that your only shot at happiness lies through loving yourself for who you are. We are not encouraging you to continue trying to live up to some plastic, marketable image of who you should be. Even if you do manage to somehow change yourself into what others think you ought to be, you will still have the self-loathing inside saying, "Who I am was not good enough. I had to become something else." This is not necessary, and only prevents true happiness. "Instead, learn to love yourself for who you are. Your true character, full of imperfections, is your only fortress. The first step is to know yourself, the second step to accept yourself. Only then will you be able to extend the hand of true love to your own self, and walk with pride and joy. "Please recognize that the answer is very simple: everything you seek lies inside yourself. Your ship has come in, and it resides within. When we say "there is no separation," these are not empty syllables. This means that it makes no difference whether you pray to God, your Guides, or yourself, for it is all one. All beauty resides in you, for you are part of God's creation. When you feel you are lacking or unlovable, you are trying to say that an aspect of God is lacking or unlovable. This is simply impossible. It is not bad of you to believe it, there is no smiting about to happen because of this mistake, but it is not true. "You must make a break from what the media tells you. We see very clearly from here, how your images of yourselves are shaped by a constant comparison between your own self and your own life, and the false ideals held up by "popular culture." You may feel it doesn't affect you, but it does. When you expose yourself to a homogenous message day after day, eventually it affects your psyche and your ability to love yourself. We recommend taking a break from all sources of information that do not help you in your quest for true self-acceptance. ... "The fact of the matter is, that every soul is here on a unique mission. Not all souls are supposed to experience riches, or physical beauty, or career success, or achieve enlightenment. Each lifetime is different, with different goals. Some people have come here to take a break after a very difficult series of lives, and will look like "slackers" to those who have come here to tackle a more challenging goal. There is no way for your media to support your own particular life lesson. Let it go for a while, so you may hear your own inner voice. "Focus on your evolution. If your life feels stagnant, take an inventory. What have you accomplished? What are you already good at? What might be the next step, on the path of your life? Push yourself to reach for the next lesson, the next goal. It's a clich?, but it's almost always true: if you've learned all you came to Earth to learn, you'd be dead. Evolution. What next? Only by continuing to learn and grow will you be able to hang onto your love of self. Your perfection is not stagnant. Do you see? You are perfect, and your perfection is change. Each atom vibrates, each cell grows and dies, each thought shifts and changes. Direct the course of your change towards a goal you cherish, and you will continue to embrace your feelings of self-love. " July 26, 2013- I don't know,
|
1938
Stuttgart - 2005 still alive in Israel...
|
|
Edith
Stein, Apostate Saint by David Novak, 1999 "Stein’s case is not an easy one for us. Jews have been able to dismiss most modern Jewish converts to Christianity as people motivated by social or professional ambition, self-hatred, ignorance, or mental imbalance. But anyone who knew Edith Stein or who knows anything about her life would have to admit that none of these categories applies to her. Indeed, Edith Stein comes across as sui generis. She might be the most uniquely problematic Jew for us since Saul of Tarsus. " |
The following composition presents
the raw material
- quotes and feelings/thoughts -
which helped me to reach a yet deeper understanding of my present "assignment".
|
Brief 54. Edith Stein an
Sr. Adelgundis Jaegerschmid OSB, Freiburg [8 Jahre nach ihrer Konversion am 1.1.22 hatte Edith Stein Edmund Husserl zum ersten mal wieder besucht. Sie hatte bei ihm in Philosophie promoviert und war seine Assistentin von 1916-18 . Sie sprach mit ihm über ihren Glauben, in dem sie auch ihn gerne gewusst haette. An ihre Freundin schreibt sie :] "Nach jeder Begegnung, in der mir die Ohnmacht direkter Beeinflussung fühlbar wird, verschärft sich mir die Dringlichkeit des eigenen Holocaustum .[="whole-burnt", refers to those animal-offerings in the Bible, which were wholly consumed by fire - and not partly eaten for instance]"
129.
Edith Stein an Anneliese Lichtenberger [1912-1935
Schuelerin von Edith an der Lehrerinnenbildungsanstalt der Dominikanerinnen
St. Magdalena, Speyer] Dorsten, am 2. Weihnachtstage 1932 |
After 300 letter I simply can not find any "fault"
with her, [Since this early
letter was delivered to the archive
|
Above: Road
and Water Pipe Line from Arad to Masada
Below: Our
path - carved out from the road down to the Rakhaf riverbed and
the Cave of the Womb - passes the water pipe.
Masada and the Dead Sea are close, but below the horizon,
the Zealots' Mountain (Har Qanna'im)
overtowers the view between Kfar Noqdim (a
Jewish Hosting Business) to the
left and "my"
Bedouin compound to the right
|
161.Edith Stein
an Hans Brunnengraeber, Koeln - Karmel 20.11.1933
"Das
heilige Messopfer ist das e i n e Opfer, 223.
Edith Stein an Mater Petra Bruening 13.9.1936 |
If this is to be the only
one and single criterion for interacting,
Also my website, my books, my
singing -
Exactly because the people in
my life, Responding to a snail-mail
letter to my old friend Anke in Berlin, |
To Anke Ristenpart
(my friend since 1959) in Berlin, on 2005_10_09:
Coping with confusing perspectives on "self-sacrifice versus self-acceptance"
as well as with the problematic application of "causing you to
love yourself" in my very writing to her.
Ja, mein Koerper ist mein
naechster Partner, - mehr noch: "Body is the Master Healer of Creation."
Mein Atmen, Bewegen und Klingen aller Gefuehle und natuerlich alles
dessen was der Koerper spuert oder leidet,
vibriert ihn so, dass er immer "juenger" wird.
Nie, auch mit zehn Jahren, haben wir uns so gut gefuehlt wie jetzt,
und selbst mit zwanzig konnten wir physisch soviel schaffen wie jetzt…
2-3 Stunden spaeter.
Anke, ich will Dir jetzt so genau wie moeglich sagen, was ich
fuehle.
Ich betrachtete den letzten Abschnitt, und wollte ihn streichen,
weil er nicht dem Kriterion entspricht,
das ich mir gerade fuer mein ganzes Sein und Tun klarer denn je erarbeitet
hatte:
liebe ich mich selber in diesem jetzigen Sein und Tun?
und – wenn eine Interaktion involviert ist (schreckliches Deutsch)
:
verursache ich , dass der/die andere sich ein bisschen mehr annimmt
und liebt?
Auf beide Fragen war die Antwort: Nein.
Ich liebe mich nicht selber in diesem Augenblick des Schreibens,
weil ich naemlich ueberhaupt nicht schreiben will, weder Dir noch irgendwem
sonst.
Und ich verursache gewiss nicht,
dass Du Dich nach dem Lesen meines 'Triumphes" bezueglich meines
Koerper-Partners mehr liebst.
Ganz im Gegenteil wirst Du Dir womoeglich schmerzlicher dessen bewusst
werden, was Dein Koerper "nicht mehr kann".
[10.10.: Dieses doppelte
Kriterium ist natuerlich aeusserst verzwickt
und wie alle "Wahrheiten" (nicht WAHRHEIT) schon falsch in
dem Moment wo es definiert wird.
Zum Beispiel bedeutet ja "Lieben" fuer mich auch dies:
Ein Raum SEIN , in dem der Geliebte wachsen kann,
und eine Grenze SEIN , gegen die der Geliebte wachsen kann.
Nicht eine Grenze setzen (aus paedagogischen Gruenden etwa),
sondern es annehmen, dass ich durch mein Sosein im allgemeinen
und durch meine wirklichen (!), d.h. von mir selber bewusst angenommenen
Beduerfnisse und Wuensche,
eine Grenze BIN, auch wenn dies "meinem Andern" Schmerz bereitet:
also Edith Stein, um die es in diesem Brief geht, wie Du gleich sehen
wirst,
w a r eine Grenze fuer ihre Mutter,
als sie nicht nur katholisch, sondern karmelitische
Nonne wurde und das nach 1933!...
An dieser Grenze ,
die ja nicht nur die Mutter sondern auch die Tochter ungeheuer geschmerzt
hat und dies Tag um Tag,
war beiden zu wachsen bestimmt.
In dem Moment, wo das Grenzesein in einer Interaktion erscheint,
kann sich natuerlich "mein anderer"
("Liebe deinen Andern wie dich selbst", ist ja die genaue
Uebersetzung)
nicht mehr lieben und ich mich auch nicht.
Die zweite Abgrenzung von obigem Kriterium ist
womoeglich noch wichtiger:
Es kann nicht darum gehen, dass sich mein Anderer nur in dem jeweiligen
MOMENT der Interaktion mehr liebt !
Das, eben das habe ich ja so oft "erreicht", indem ich meinem
Andern zeigen konnte,
welche Michelangelo'ische Skulptur in seinem Felsen verborgen ist und
noch erscheinen wird .
Mein Anderer fuehlte sich "geschmeichelt", wie man sagt,
nur um nach kurzer Zeit zu sehen, dass die Skulptur eben noch verborgen
war,
was ihm nur noch mehr Selbsthass verursachte,
und von daher dann auch die Projektion auf die boese Rachel.
Aber, die "Wahrheiten" haben ja den Sinn,
durch die Erfahrung immer neuer Perspektiven dessen was in uns, dem/der/den
EINEN alles eingefaltet, eingewickelt ist,
eben all dies zu ent-falten, zu ent-wickeln.
Dafuer gibt es ja Manifestation und Schoepfung
– die Strahlen der Einen Sonne, die Wellen des Einen Meeres, die
Farben des Einen Lichts.
Und deshalb will ich es annehmen,
dass ich jetzt dieses doppelte Kriterium in aller Konzentration an mein
Sein und Handeln anlege
und aus den Konsequenzen vielleicht zu einer umfassenderen Wahrheit
komme.
Ich hoffe, das war nicht zu abstrakt ausgedrueckt.
Und ich danke Dir, dass Du mich, dadurch dass Du nur deutsch schreibst,
zwingst,
dies alles in dieser – fuer mich nun sehr ungewohnten und ungebrauchten
- Sprache auszudruecken.
Das "klingt" mir ganz anders als auf hebraeisch oder englisch.
|
226.
Edith Stein an Mater Petra Bruening, 3. 10. 1936
282.
Edith Stein an Mater Petra Bruening, 31.10.1938
|
About
Edith Stein - To Anke Ristenpart (my friend since 1959) in Berlin,
on 2005_10_09: Aber
ihr wissenschaftlich fundierter und mit ihrem Leben Minute um
Minute bis zum Tode erfuellter Glaube an das Selbstopfer als allerhoechsten
Wert
Und sie, grade sie hat dieses Denken bis ins Extreme fundiert, umso mehr als sie in ihrem Leben und Sein total dem Bild, das man von einer Heiligen hat, entspricht. Von dem Ideal eines Maertyrertod ganz zu schweigen. Sieh Dir doch mal die Zitate an, die ich mir herausgeschrieben habe:
Nicht
Selbstopfer ist das Ziel heute, Teresia Benedicta a Cruce! sondern
Selbstliebe! Wie haette
denn ihr freudiges Schreiten zur Schlachtbank diejenigen zur Selbstliebe
ermuntert, die sie auf diesen Weg zwangen, oder selbst ihre Mitschwestern,
die ihn nicht solidarisch mit ihr gingen? Wie
kann denn "Gott" , selbst wenn er ihr "Opfer"
annaehme als Suehne fuer ihre Moerder und ihre unsolidarischen
Freunde, diese Menschen "erloesen" , d.h. ihnen das
Gefuehl geben, dass sie sich selber annehmen und lieben? Was fuer
eine grausame Absurditaet ist diese Propaganda, das Opfer eines
andern wuerde in mir Selbstliebe erwirken? Siehst
Du, nun hast Du mich doch in einen rabiaten Schwung gebracht,
in einen Schmerz ohne Grund und Boden, - wenn ihn doch die Hl.
Benedicta a Cruce hoeren und erhoeren wuerde! Du beschreibst
Deinen Weg aus dem Dich-zum-Opfer-machen (was schlimm genug ist,
aber doch nicht so schlimm wie der Selbstopferkult der Benedicta
und der christlichen Kirche ueberhaupt) so schoen, dass ich Dir
Deine Worte abschreiben moechte: Du sagst,
"ich wuensche Dir so sehr, dass Dir
Menschen begegnen, die Dich auf Deinem visionaeren Weg unterstuetzen
und begleiten." Ich,
die ich nie etwas andres wollte als dass die Menschen sich selbst
lieben (vor 30-40-50 Jahren drueckte ich das so aus: "dass
sie von ihrer Arbeit befriedigt sind" und arbeitete fuer
dieses Ziel jahrelang), ich, die ich Himmel und Erde in Bewegung
gesetzt habe, damit mein Mann, den ich liebte, sich selber liebte,
bin doch gerade darin durch mein Sosein tausendmal gescheitert.
"Immer hast du alle Ideen",
platzte
mal meine Freundin und Zimmergenossin Barbara Huber heraus,
in Tuebingen im Winter 1958-59, und es dauerte lange, bis ich
sie versoehnen konnte, zumal ich damals ueberhaupt nicht verstand,
wovon sie redete. Dass meine Liebe nicht "alles ueberwindet", wie ich geglaubt hatte, ja, im Gegenteil, dass ich durch mein Sosein fast allen Menschen bis heute ihre geringe Selbstliebe spiegele, und sie sich "invalidated" fuehlen durch meine blosse Existenz, dafuer hat Edith Stein und das Christentum und ueberhaupt niemand einen Trost. Ich las in einem kleinen Aufsatz von Golo Mann ueber das Verhaeltnis zwischen Humbold und einem Mann namens Gentz (ein Liebhaber von Rahel Varnhagen): "und weil es gegen die gewaltigen Qualitaeten eines Naechsten nur ein Rezept gibt , naemlich die Liebe, so warf er sich ihm ganz in die Arme." Ja aber diese Art von Liebe hilft eben nicht auf die Dauer. Spaeter oder frueher baeumt sich in einem jeden der Kain auf ("ich bin nicht soviel wert wie du"), und – wenn das Bewusstsein und die Selbstverantwortung noch nicht entwickelt sind – kommt dann die Projektion --- auf mich… ich bin es, das unertraegliche Geschoepf… Das ist ja nicht so schlimm fuer mich, die Projektion, jedenfalls nicht mehr, seit ich sie verstehe und nicht mehr glaube, so ein entsetzliche Geschoepf wie ich haette nie geboren werden duerfen. Aber geholfen habe ich doch durch mein Dasein nur ganz, ganz selten. Geholfen in dem einen entscheidenen Sinn: dass ein Mensch sich , durch oder nach der Begegnung mit mir, selber mehr annimmt, mehr liebt, und dadurch – ich sage diese Sequenz immer wieder – auch andere mehr liebt, ja andern verursacht, sich selber mehr zu lieben.
|
[Die Martyriumssehnsucht
gibt es auch im Judentum,
aber nie wird es als Opfer, gar Suehnopfer verstanden.
Als der Kaiser Hadrian , um 133, Rabbi Aqiba "mit eisernen Kaemmen"
zu Tode foltern liess
und seine Schueler solches Schicksal fuer diesen groessten aller Meister
nicht verstehen konnten,
sagte er:
"Mein Leben lang wollte ich wissen,
ob ich dies "liebe IHN mit ganzer Seele" (5.Mose 6,5),
"auch wenn er dir die Seele nimmt",
erfuellen kann,
nun kann ich es erfuellen!]
Yusuf,
while guarding his goats and sheep, paints a picture and listen
to a Qor'an-Bible story about Josef in prison in Egypt, or - trains
in becoming a host, making a fire and serving tea.
|
300. Edith
Stein an Mater Petra, Echt, 16.4.1939 [nicht im
Briefband, sondern aus der knappen Biographie
des Vatikans: 302. Edith
Stein an Prof. Peter Wust, Muenster, 303. Edith
Stein an Pfarrer Ludwig Husse, Ludwigshafen,
330.Edith
Stein an Mutter Ambrosia Antonia Engelmann OCD. Echt,
Am 2. August 1942 kommt die Gestapo.
|
About
Edith Stein - To Anke Ristenpart (my friend since 1959) in Berlin,
on 2005_10_09: Auch zur Nichtexistenz des Konzepts "Solidaritaet" schreibe ich Dir einen Bericht ab, der fuer mich noch grasser das zeigt, was mich vor 30 Jahren nach dem Lesen einer Edith Stein Biographie von seitens ihrer Mitschwestern so erschuettert hat: Dass sie auch nach – damals - 20 Jahren noch nicht an die Brust schlugen: "Warum sind wir nicht mit ihr gegangen?"
'Das
Kreuz ist da." Deswegen bin ich, Christa, Juedin
geworden, weil es da heisst: Versteh mich recht, ich richte nicht das Handeln dieser Schwestern, ich richte ihr mangelndes Bewusstsein, ich richte ihr Denken, das Denken der christlichen Kirche. Gewiss haben viele einzelne Christen praktische Solidaritaet bewiesen damals, aber das was fuer die Kirche das Motiv war, war eben auch hier "das Opfer" und nicht die Solidaritaet, die ja kein ethischer Wert, sondern einfach Selbstinteresse ist. Aber das steht ja alles in meinem Buch: "Solidaritaet mit den Leidenden im Judentum."]
|
|
But what, Or
let's assume, |
The "arrow " towards
the sand "stage" in front of the
Cave of the Womb
was the idea of my grandson Arnon
(9),
here ornamented by the last "Khatzav" flower by Hathra, my
Bedouin angel (12)
[June 7, 2010:
Yesterday I came back from the swimming-pool and found - at my open
door - a bag with huge tomatoes
and a note in Hebrew, of which I understood only the name "Hathra".
Since I have only her father's phone-number, but do not want to renew
the contact,
I'll "pray" for her empowerment and self-love!]
I want to deal with yet another aspect
of "self-sacrifice":
OBEDIENCE and SUBMISSION,
another common feature between Nazi and Monastery/Nunnery "values":
The following letter of Edith Stein demonstrates the "beaten-dog
image"
of sacrificing one's own will to God's will,
which is nothing but the sanctification of denial, denial of
pain, denial of self,
and therefore the preparation for the sacrifice of one's own life.
Edith was unaware, that the Nazis educated people towards the same goal!
In fact, I was "educated" as a child to never oppose a grownup's
command.
I was so drilled that at the age of 10 , when a 14 year old boy demanded
"Let's fuck",
I "obeyed", "since I am not allowed to say 'no"
to a grownup', even if he is only 4 years my elder...
This "surrender" is totally opposed to the present message
of "God"
[See
Introduction to the Blue Book
and my life-shaking experience with this message
on 1986_12_31 in puzzle piece 14
God's and My Will and Desire]
306. Edith Stein an Sr. Agnella Stadtmueller
OP,
Sie
wollten damals etwas hoeren ueber harmonischen Ausgleich von christlicher
Freiheit und kloesterlicher Vorschriftenerfuellung.
Persoenliche Neigungen ihnen
|
Right
Use of Will , p. 66-67 . "The beaten-dog image of surrender to God is not an accurate understanding of Me. "The image that joy can be found this way if you just surrender more is not accurate either. "Holding an image of what you think is the correct Spiritual attitude, rather than seeing what is really happening, holds true understanding away. The real truth for you is coming from true self-acceptance and no place else. If true feelings don't want to accept a beating, allow them to take action to stop it. ........ As long as you believe that you must accept something, whether you like it or not, you are overriding your own Free Will. If you are doing this to yourself, you are opening the door for others to do it to you. This has been happening for a long time and is heavily powered by many misunderstandings and denials. These denials and misunderstandings imprison the very emotional response that could change things for the better. [See also "Sacrifice" in Godchannel.com and "Self-Sacrifice" in puzzle-piece 31] |
http://www.edith-stein.net/deu/wueuns.html
Reading this page I can see the meaning of Edith for people today,
just like the meaning of all the Martyrs – Sadaat, Ghandi and
Rabin included -
but this meaning simply stresses the old psychological "reality",
that only sacrifice of life gives meaning to what has been lived.
With two of my "starchildren", Tzippi
and Meshi,
I ponder the direction of a more convenient path for visitors , a
long the Rakhaf riverbed, towards the east and the Zealots' Mountain
2005_10_15
I do understand now , after comparing Edith Stein's sanctification with
the Masada
myth,
that there has been a vital function to these stories of heroism, be they
historically true or not.
How would I, the young Christian German, have been able to raise my head,
were it not for the heroism of "the White Rose" [see
the
dedication of my book to Sophie Scholl, executed in 1943],
and Helmut von Moltke and all his companions who were executed on July
20, 1944
whose rebellion-without-chance against the Nazi terror ended with their
lives' sacrifice.
My outcry is with Berthold Brecht in his drama "The Life of Galilei":
"Gluecklich das Volk das keine Helden noetig hat,"
"Blessed is the people [and the religion...]
that does not need heroes."
[2005_10_26: I see, that the original has
this in a negative phrasing:
"Unhappy is the land that is in need of heroes." ]
|
How can
we , no, how can I, Christa-Rachel Maryam Bat-Adam, who is dependent on the people in my life, in my country, on my planet, how can I radiate self-acceptance, self-love, true self-love, which will realize also the self-love of everyone on whom I am dependent, and will finally m a n i f e s t t h e s i t u a t i o ns , where self-love will not have to be the result of bravery and heroism, be it in killing others or in sacrificing self? |
In
these days we laughed about an example
of illusionary self-love, which is - in so many versions - all too
common: I and my "starchild" Gal Mor stopped the car of a Bedouin man, who knew us and who, therefore, could not simply pass by. But Suleiman didn't really want to take us. So what did he do, to please us and love himself for that? He said, that he would turn left "after those poles", which were about 100 m in front of us. So we let him go! He loved himself that moment for having pleased us, and he denied caring for having cheated on us and disappointed us, when he did not turn left "after the poles", but drove right into the direction we were headed to. |
Viewing the "Stage" from above
on every turn of the path which leads me back to the road and my home
in Arad - five times a week...
2005_10_26
Conclusion after 16 days of Living&Learning:
I do not judge "ordinary" people for believing,
that self-sacrifice gives meaning to their lives.
I do not judge Edith Stein, nor myself, her "Siamese twin",
for having this yearning for self-sacrifice in our very genes.
I am breathing-moving the sadness of the understanding, that
"Maybe,
I was wrong after all !"
And I'm intensifying my intent to radiate my self-acceptance,
so that the people who give me roles
in their dramas,
will be "infected" with my living my self-acceptance.
And when we who are learning to accept ourselves
and, therefore, cause others to accept themselves -
will reach the "Critical Mass" and the "Quantum-Leap"
more and more humans will love themselves
and, therefore, each other,
and discover the meaning of their lives
without needing to sacrifice their lives.
2010
June
10-20, 2010
The ancient song of/about "the Lord's Servant" has begun to
make sense to me at last
Isaiah
52-53
[On Aug. 14, 2010 I re-discovered one
of the contexts in which I related to it:
"im tasim asham nafsho"
(Isaiah 53:10),
see my
book, bundle 23
All translations are misleading, and it's only now that I understand:
'If his soul takes
upon herself that she is the sinner herself',
but NOT in order to be judged, punished, leave alone - sacrificed,
but in order to take the total responsibility of the one who originated
All! ]
Behold, My servant shall prosper , [no!
"shall grasp it"!]
The translations of some terms and passages
are misleading,
I'll therefore quote Buber-Rosenzweig's
"Conversion into German"!
See an English translation and more comments to
the tune, with which I was finally inspired]
|
Wohlan, ergreifen wirds mein Knecht, wird sich erheben, emporgetragen werden, maechtig ragen. .... Wie ein Keimling stieg er auf vor sich hin, wie eine Wurzel aus duerrer Erde, nicht Gestalt hatte er, nicht Glanz, dass wir ihn angesehn haetten, nicht Aussehn, dass wir sein begehrt haetten, von Menschen verschmaeht, gemieden, ein Mensch der Schmerzen, der Krankheit bekannt, wie wenn das Antlitz sich vor uns verbergen muss: so verschmaeht - wir achteten sein nicht. Dennoch: unsere Krankheiten hat der getragen, unsere Schmerzen, sie hat er aufgeladen- ... Zuechtigung uns zum Frieden war auf ihm, durch seine Strieme wurde uns Heilung: wir alle, wie Schmalvieh hatten wir uns verlaufen, jeder seines Wegs hatten wir uns gewandt, ER aber liess auf ihn die Fehlbusse treffen fuer uns alle. Getrieben wur de er, und er, er beugte sich hin, oeffnete nicht den Mund, wie ein Lamm, das zur Schlachtbank gebracht wird, wie ein Mutterschaf, das vor seinen Scherern verstummt, oeffnete nicht den Mund. .... setzt seine Seele das Schuldopfer ein, soll noch Samen sehen, Tage laengern, und durch seine Hand geraet SEIN Wille. Der Pein seiner Seele los wird er sehen, wird ersatten an dieser seiner Erkenntnis: Bewaehren sollte die Vielen der Bewaehrte, mein Knecht .... Und trug doch, er, die Suende der Vielen... |
 |
I have become whole
("relatively", of course, but I'm not going
to play it down now)
I have healed my fragmentation.
I accept all my feelings, all my qualities, all my past.
I understand denial as the gap through which evil enters.
I know, that "Cain"
is behind most of the fighting, the wars.
"Since you make me feel unworthy,
I'll kill you".
I experienced, that to feel worthy, equal on the ego-level,
I must create the three conditions for Heaven-on-Earth:
grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness,
full-fill-ment.
[see
the beginning of my research on what are the conditions for Heaven-on-Earth]
I have no problem with waiting for the right time of manifestation,
the manifestation of my desire for both - peers
and loving heart!
I'm at peace with the fact,
that my superhuman effort for the world was a learning situation:
I had to learn that I cannot redeem the world on an exterior level!
For denial in myself - as in the people whom I want to empower -
will cause "reversals", which will disempower people even more.
I can redeem only by Healing
All M Y Feelings into wholeness.
I also had to learn, that sacrificing myself for others
would only cause others to hate themselves more.
And yet~~~ there might be a need to sacrifice myself,
to sacrifice myself as a conscious projection screen:
More than 30 years ago, my
best friend Yanina, told me "by the way":
"Know, that my husband's father helps us with
caring for our green-house.
Recently he mixed up the water hose with the hose for spraying chemicals.
The entire field of flowers died.
He came and blamed us heavily, unaware that he himself had caused this!"
I felt, how my rage rose up and I screamed: "So
what did you tell him?"
"Nothing!" said Yanina quietly, "we
didn't want him to feel guilty!"
I looked into myself and knew, that I would never ever be able to do that.
To take upon myself the blame for something I have not committed?
But this exactly is what - for instance - a mother has to do,
when her child, sexually abused by her husband,
blames her, the mother, for "not having known"!
And this is exactly what "Israel", the "Lord's
Servant", has to do,
when the world blames it for sins, which the entire humankind commits
daily,
but when committed by Israel, people scream: "Israel,
go back to Auschwitz",
as is now [June 2010] occurring following the
Gaza "Peace" Flotilla "incident".
[I just received - from Martin , my dead sister's husband in Germany -
a link to an overview of
all technical details of what "Auschwitz" entails,
but the feelings are conveyed in my
own account of AUschwitz-BirkenAU!]
When people, especially family members, project on me,
what hurtful things I've done or haven't prevented from being done,
should I justify myself,
would they suffer less, if they knew "the truth"?
Yanina now quoted a saying of C.G.
Jung:
"When your patient says, that the
Rhine
flows south, then the Rhine flows south!"
Should I point out the "truth", the historical facts,
should I "put things into proportion and perspective"?
or - if they are right concerning the "facts" -
should I make them understand why I did or didn't do?
The same is true for the projections of the world on Israel,
which are now after the "Gaza-Flotilla" especially virulent.
Israel - a projection screen
for whatever people and peoples hate in themselves...
There is an awakening in the world to the ubiquity of sexual abuse,
of children, both male and female, and of women.
And there is the blaming of family-members
who didn't know, what was happening, but should have known.
It will not help to tell a victimized child, that I didn't know!
It will not help to point out things that could not have happened,
that I could not have said, that I could not have done,
or even - that the perpetrator could not have done.
Pointing out "the truth", even if it is the truth,
will make the victim only feel more self-loathing.
Accepting that the Rhine flows south is a precondition,
that trust is built, and trust is the condition for healing.
How
often did we seat Jews-Arabs opposite each other:
"Just listen compassionately
to the other party's pain!
Don't argue,don't justify, don't try 'to put things right'!"
From such mutual listening friendship was sprouting.
Being listened to created trust, but even more urgent:
it empowered the person who saw him/herself as victim.
As if s/he was saying:
"Now, that you know and accept wholly, what I 'm feeling,
we can start taking responsibility, each for his/her destiny."
But the listener, on any side, can be compassionate
only,
if s/he is whole enough to present the Servant's sacrifice,
the SACRIFICE of THEIR OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS!
As to the people and nations blaming "it all" on Israel,
it will not help to justify our flaws, failures and crimes
by telling the world, that we are acting out of trauma,
or that everyone has a right to fight back if attacked.
Those people or peoples will only become tougher.
For how can they, who have not healed into accepting themselves, live,
if they won't have anyone to project on their flaws, failures and crimes?
Nor does it help, that I tell everyone about my deep knowing,
that, in fact, we, Israel, are acting against our own self-interest,
by reenacting our trauma : playing victim over and over again,
and that "Zionism" truly means to be the ruler of our destiny,
which is possible only, if everyone of us takes responsibility
for turning those on whom I am dependent into my partners.
Decades of superhuman endeavour in exemplifying this,
have only rarely empowered a friend or a family member.
For they are not yet healed, not yet whole,
they do not have all their parts with them,
they are weak, they don't yet feel worthy,
and - therefore - need projection-screens
to throw off on them what is unbearable.
|
July
27, 2013: Watching the split and gap |
It is there, where the sacrifice of "the Lord's Servant" receives
meaning:
I have to bear the projections, though not "as
a lamb led to slaughter",
or as a "Rachel", a mother-sheep, becoming
mute under her shearers,
but in my
identity as a "cosmic being",
as one who knows in body, mind, heart,
that I am the perpetrator, I am the victim,
but I am also the healer of it all.
It's only from the perspective of my cosmic identity,
that I can "womb" them all,
all my loved-ones who project on me,
Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, daughter of Adam,
all the people and peoples, who project on me,
"Israel".
I am still training to let go of "righteousness",
and the better I become at not being righteous,
the easier it is - even on an ego-level -
to be, as I once called it, a lightening-rod.
I have the best of examples: "Spirit"
in Godchannel!
Often I said to Spirit, when reading a channeled file:
"aren't you reinforcing "the Mother's" victimhood,
by taking the blame for everything she suffers?"
But if "Spirit" can, so can I.
And it's from this perspective of self-sacrifice,
that Edith Stein's notion, as her living-dying it,
will have become obsolete and overcome.
What I owe her and all the religious and nationalist propagandists of
self-sacrifice,
and all the persons who were/are seeking to feel self-worth through self-
sacrifice
is the shell of the concept:
Yes, until everyone will be healed and whole,
and therefore free of the need to project on others,
there is a need for "Servants" who will be the Screen.
They need not suffer, they need not die,
they need not be despised,
they need not add to people's feelings of guilt,
they just need to lovingly womb their projections,
and by wombing, melting away the projections,
the Servants will radiate from breath to breath:
"Accept yourself! Bring home all your parts!"
Oh - I am so pleased, so in peace now!
I don't even have to involve myself in the World's "Issues of Sexual
Abuse".
I do not have to torture myself to understand, what makes a perpetrator
tick.
[They are probably acting out all the denials in the sexual life of each
of us!]
I only have to adopt the
latest teachings of the Folks together and Spirit
alone:
I am the perpetrator and I am the
victim,
and I am the healer who wombs them both!
"Good therapists were those who really validated my experience"
(said by a survivor of child abuse
in "Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery", 1992,
a book recommended by my daughter and lent to me by my friend Yanina
Judith Herman herself says:
"The testimony of patients (of
child abuse) is eloquent on the point
that recognition of the trauma is central to the recovery process."
If that is difficult for neutral people, or therapists,
how much more difficult is it for the ego of someone
who was passively involved,
a mother who "should have known",
or a German in Nazi time who should have known,
or an Israeli in June 2010, who should know!
But that is the sacrifice: yes it's me who did this!
June
10-11, 2010
(see the excerpts of some passages
I wrote in 1974, and rediscovered now, below
the Chagall sculpture)
In a French description of Chagall's "Moses and the Burning Bush"
it is written:
"Moïse assume dans sa propre chair le destin de son peuple persécuté"
"Moses assumes, takes on, the
destiny of his persecuted people in his own flesh"
This helps me to emphasize -by contrast-
that "The Servant's" task is not to "suffer vicariously",
but to vicariously take on his people's and all peoples' denied feelings
of guilt and unworthiness
and thus to "intoxicate" them!
|
July
27, 2013: |
If Moses' greatest yearning was/is: "Who would
give that all the Lord's people were prophets!"
he desires, that each one's personal ego identity will be integrated in
each one's Cosmic
Identity.
And from the perspective of my Cosmic Identity
I am the perpetrator and the victim,
but I am now meant to be the Healer!
See
how I, in June 2011, summed up my life's work so far,
following the 3 inserts of teachings [in Hebrew],
in 1974!
Scroll down to the end of that page!
June
12, 2010
My thinking, talking, feeling, being
the "Lord's Servant", i.e. a willing conscious "projection-screen"
for "detoxicating" people's/peoples' feeling of unworthiness
and guilt,
is - once more - missing the main condition which makes this possible:
physically vibrating the feelings caused by the projections,
physically breathing, sounding and
moving them.
Also:
I'm again studying those two most recent messages from Godchannel:
Interview V with "the Folks", and Interview VI with "Spirit",
I'll excerpt, what I need to still deeper absorb and apply:
|
Excerpts from Interview
with 'the Folks', Part Five,
........ "The American elections this year, as in many
other countries recently,
"This battle has been raging at the deepest
layer of Being
"A very deep terror of being
overrun and consumed by the Mother
Thank you Folks, what do you suggest we do here by way of healing?
"First, find the frozen terror in yourselves
"As your Will essence begins to vibrate with
your acceptance,
"The outer political beliefs
that seem opposite of yours
"You can find the qualities that you abhor in the politicians and business leaders you don't agree with, and then find the parts of yourselves that have had these qualities. You must of course be honest with yourself, and judgment release is vital here.
"Although it may seem strange to the Human
mind,
"Obviously,
You Are the Universe "To get a feel for this movement,
pause for a moment now~~~ "Now take another momentary
pause ......
"If you
are fully identified in the feeling essence
....... "As you
awaken to your true greatness,
C o s m i c H u m a n I d e n t i t y Thank you Folks,
"The sense of your constant, unchanging identity
"Your true Human identity is
with life itself.
"You have believed yourselves "Your true identity is so much more than you've
thought yourself to be.
"Spirit has pointed out [in
.identity>healer]
......
.....
"However, this does not mean
"Trust yourself as Body. ..... "Words can only be
pointers here,
Excerpts from Interview with
God, Part 6, The Ego, God, many readers who have identified
themselves as 'spiritual seekers' ....ask "You have identified yourself as apart from
the Universe. "Ironically, identification with Body in both ....
."...you will find
that non-resourceful ego,
|
