52 days of Moving and E-volving Emotions Manual - 24th day, August 8, 2002

t o o    m a n y

2 hours later it's "

2 hours later it's "alarming", how un-"charming" I feel.
Contrary to my

1 5   y e a r s  = 5 4 8 0   days   of g e f u e h l t e - g e f u e l l t e   Z e i t   "inmitten der Ewigkeit", f e l t - f i l l e d   t i m e  "amidst eternity" from the beginning of my 76th till the completion of my 90th year [unless I'll die after all] "A dream is our life on Earth ...we measure ...(it) in space & time" -see 2013 songs August Nr. 4- Yes, I, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, want to measure my life on Earth in space & time! 4 days of feelings will be inserted on each of the 1400 pages [set up between 2001-2008] continuing with M E E M and then following the order of folders and files on my "local site". The feeling chosen from a day is exhibited in max. 7 lines per day since August 28, 2013 On 6 days of the week I learn, but Shabbat is dedicated to my main feeling: grate-full-ness. Since feelings must be vibrated~ wombed, each day closes with a song, fitting the 7 lines To challenge myself like that -while not knowing what will be "staged" in my personal and in the world's drama till 2028 , exhilarates me!

2013-12-02-Chanuka-Shoham- still 5389 days Song: sgor na li aet shte enai- Schliesse mir... 2013-12-03-Chanuka - Shoham -still 5388 days Song; aet shae-ahavah nafshi re'itaem? 2013-12-04-Chanuka, Shoham-Arad still 5387 days What to do with judging my judging? The cowardess of my angel landlord, the TV series: lihyot ita, and the pride of my granddaughter Elah to act in it, the refusal to cooperate by little Elah, Mika's friend in our paint-co-creation: Efrat: "be glad, that you are human!" Song: ki hirveti naefesh ayefah 2013-12-05-last Chanuka-day, still 5386 days On my way back, since waiting for 55 min. at the Central Bus Station in Tel-Aviv, I felt flooded by a vision, how Avi who cannot bear, that I was the one who created Succah in the Desert, can now delete it - together with C-R's name and spin-off the first Ohalah, with YOUNG people. 2013 song Jan. Nr.2: ha-ma'amin lo yakhish The six (!) lines refuse to appear on the Internet. Maybe, I am wrong - wanting to delete my name, or maybe, this demonstrates my deletion-desire: On my way back, since waiting for 55 min. at the Central Bus Station in Tel-Aviv, I felt flooded by a vision, how Avi who cannot bear, that I was the one who created Succah in the Desert, can now delete it - together with C-R's name and spin-off the first Ohalah, with YOUNG people.

Dec. 4, Central Bus Station Tel-Aviv , Copied from my recorder and edited [2] The "bench-closet" for personal belongings, to be made of the palmtree -material, which in Sinai is called "gareed" , was planned already for the business in Wadi-a-Taula, in Sept. 1996

This is what I envisioned, while waiting an hour for the bus to Arad: Copied from my recorder and edited [1]

(only those 3 additional lines appear, not this text:) On my way back, since waiting for 55 min. at the Central Bus Station in Tel-Aviv, I felt flooded by a vision, how Avi who cannot bear, that I was the one who created Succah in the Desert, can now delete it - together with C-R's name and spin-off the first Ohalah, with YOUNG people.

Copied from my recorder and edited [5]

Copied from my recorder and edited [4]

Copied from my recorder and edited [3]

continuation

larming

Inspired by the video which Maya Lybrock posted on Facebook:
http://www.upworthy.com/clear-your-next-10-minutes-because-this-video-could-change-how-happy-you-are-with-your-entire-week

E N V I S I O N I N G   the manifestation of the mobile model of my Desert-Hosting-Economy vision (continuation of this draft in English - ponderings about the vision) "Let your gratefulness overflow into blessing to all around you, then it will be really a good day." This is all about knowing how to receive, But it's once more this half truth about "giving and receiving". The Ohalah is both. And since it's temporary and not much money can be made of it, the giving of the hosts will be as pure as the receiving of the guests and vice versa. What is important, that no "mas khakhirah" for the land will be demanded, only ma'am for the business income. But how can the investment of materials be paid by the little income? There is another factor that should make authorities as future guests aware of their interest , the Ohalot everywhere in the desert in the Middle-East as a training space for ecological education. There will be - as I always said - an NGO directorship, made up of representatives of the Ohalot, which will guard the keeping of the laws . There must be a treaty with the Reshut haGanim, to open Nature Reserves for the co-living of Nature and Man, just as I envisioned it already in Sinai (was it Sharem-a-Sheikh?) There will also be Midbaronim, but not for 12 Ohalot, but for many more, where food-products can be bought, cars be repaired and the raw materials, if not the yeri'ot sown beforehand and the bamboo-sticks sawn beforehand,. can be purchased.

", how un-"cDecember 3, 2013, still 17 days till Mika's 8th birthday

hi"I feel.
Contary t my present princile of not inititing anything, I made a phonecaonst, - 2 hors laeng", how u

See Mika and Elah, her friend, exactly 2 years ago and see the link to more about this girl

Mika, the Healer

During my travel I again read - and at Shoham - copied my diary of 1993,
but my perspective this time is:
"How must the Ohalah - its form and its functioning - be planned,
so that nobody will have to suffer such an overload of pressure?"

ow un-

written upside down in my 1993 Diary: May 16, 2011 For the first time I try this new track back from Shoham on Sunday morning - not hitchhiking, not being brought to Lod train-station. Mika to kindergarten. 8:40 from Shoham. 10:10 from Tel-Aviv - Arad, the time between 9:15-10:15 I sit and drink Choco. Costs; 25+10 = 35 NIS, which I would save if hitchhiking. May 16, 2011. What is it that You want to tell me. Why did You let me have that experience with my bag overridden by the very car which picked me up: but only minor items were smashed, not my glasses, nor my digital recorder and the mobile drive with all my 10 years material on the computer was - unlike now - not with me. Why? the only thing I understood, understand, was that I, if possible, should enjoy the free time of traveling by public transport, and should not waste my energy on hitchhiking with its tla'ot [hardships], not even (?) on conducting deep talk with drivers. I always thought, that this was almost the only chance to be a midwife for people's birth into self-empowerment. Also: hitchhiking - despite its tla'ot- was easier for Body than sitting in a bus, not being able to move or making pipi. I should, You say, spend the money on being with Body and Soul for 3 1/2 hours and NOT waste my precious pearls on short encounters. It's like receding, retreating one last step in order to be wholly prepared for the assignment in these "End-Times", even if I as yet have no idea, what form this assignment will take, I know it is in radiating what I am in every moment - whole self-love - never just functioning! because of her mistake. She is putting so much effort in pleasing me - quite the opposite of Yokheved or Meirav - and I come down on her with my silent words. How can I "move my anger" and not cause more guilt on earth and as a result feel even more guilty?- I feel guilty also about my blame towards Yakob Haziza, but at least my mind justifies it. Oh, I am totally stuck with this dictator and have always been) See violet book p. 123 Overthrowing this dictatorship is what you must do with guilt. .... Guilt will always tell you you should be doing better than you already are. .....I had enough understanding to bring forth the Creation or it would not have happened. There was no way to know in advance of the experience what the experience had to teach Us. Just as I had learned enough to manifest the Creation when the Creation came forth, I have now learned enough to heal the imbalances manifested then. I still have to learn what the manifesting of this healing has to teach Me. violet book p. 123 What I have been facing here has been a reflection of My own guilt. I had to face the guilt I had over feeling responsible for everything, and the blame I felt toward others when I did not want to have to feel that I was responsible for everything. You are going to have to face the same things in yourselves. p.124 I was suppressing My anger here because I feared that guilt was right and that everything I was having to do needed to be done. One of the judgments here was: "It is not loving to blame others; I have only Myself to blame."   violet book p. 124 When My anger and blame got loose, it went out in a state of denial and hit the ones I thought should take more responsibility for themselves....I have responsibility for having originated the vibrations and the spirits have responsibility for being drawn to particular vibrations in Me. I have responsibility for My Lost Will that has not known how to move through things when I would not give acceptance to its process, and the spirits have responsibility for their Lost Will in the same manner.

This is the list of abbreviations of all the actions and interactions with regard to evolving the model of a Desert-Hosting- SPS-Enterprise to which I dedicated my time and which I wanted to document. Very soon I had to give up being consistent and wrote down only what I needed or wanted to remember, and only if I could find the time to sit in my bus and write or add visual memories.

RECALLING   experiences with the temporary model of my Desert Hosting Economy vision I want a top-secretary~~~ a top-buyer~~~ a top-cook~~~ a top-housekeeper I want to just sing and write and experience and take care - by creating with my mind and heart - of the right manifestation of the vision. I want to give my heart to people when they really need it. I want to transform all worries into hodayot [thanksgivings] al ma shae yihyae li    b e - i t o [about what I'll have in its right time] I want to transform all my many feelings of shame and guilt into interactions: "Did you mean to put me to shame?"- "I feel guilty, that this isn't as it should be!" or "I feel guilty, that I ask for money from you, are you really blaming me?" I want to experience what it is to allow for 20% of chaos and imagine what will happen, if I'm not around to take care of little things.

link to the Tent of Appointment at "my" time links to Renata ---- links to Meirav link to the organ in my bus - with Immanuel link to song Ps. 126. - Links to Abraham Lisod - link to Stephan Micus, Music of Stones Yokheved

RECALLING   experiences with the temporary model of my Desert Hosting Economy vision Prospectus in German about the profession of a volunteer host/ess Willst du zunaechst einmal fuer 2 Monate als Freiwillige kommen, um zu sehen, ob Du vielleicht sogar mal ein Jahr lang Gastgeberin sein moechtest - ein phantastischer Zukunftsberuf! Worin Du gut sein musst: 1) in der Kommunikation mit Menschen; Du musst schon einigermassen frei von den ueblichen Verteidigungsmustern sein, sodass Du auf die Menschen aufmerken (hebraeisch: das Herz an sie setzen) kannst, dies - ohne ihnen die Verantwortung fuer sich selber abzunehmen. 2) Du musst einen komplizierten Haushalt leiten, zuweilen auch kochen und die kleinstenKleinigkeiten der Instandhaltung selver machen koennen. 3) Du musst koerperlich fit sein (z.B. Wasser mit dem Jeep holen, Wasser zu den Succot tragen), und, wenn es noetig ist, auch einmal 14 Stunden hintereinander arbeiten koennen, aber auch verantwortlich fuer die Haushaltung mit Deinen Kraeften sein un den von mir bereits entwickelten Rhythmus zwischen Arbeit und Ruhe, zwischen Mit-Menschen-Sein und Alleinsein einhalten. 4) Du musst von jeglicher Technik (Autos, Elektrizitaet, Gas, Wasser, Abwasser, Naehen, Haemmern) soviel Ahnung haben, dass Du, wenn Du nicht selber reparieren oder verbessern und verschoenern (!!!) kannst, die richtige Diagnose stellst, damit die richtigen Leute herangeholt werden koennen. 5) Du solltest zumindest Englisch so gut koennen, dass Israelis sich wohlfuehlen mit Dir und Du Dich mit ihnen. 6) Du muesstest Dich einerseits ganz mit der Succah-Idee und dieser spezifischen ersten Succayah identifizieren, um den Geist wehen zu lassen, ohne den die physische Situation nur eine leere Schale ist, muesstest aber andrerseits Deine eigene Einmaligkeit schon genuegend entdeckt haben, um die Succah-Situation durch sie zu befruchten. All diese Qualitaeten werden von einer Gastgeberin oder einem Gastgeber verlant. Man kann einige davon auch hier erlernen, denn das groesste, weiteste, tiefste, naechste und uebernaechste Ziel der "Succah' ist, eine Situation zu sein, wo Traeumer lernen koennen, Traeume zu verwirklichen, eine Situation, wo schoepferrische Menschen einueben, Arbeit und Berufung, das Verdienen des Lebensunterhaltes und das Schoepferischsein in EINKLANG zu bringen to allow for 20% Chaos, but I couldn't help getting angry, no salt, no oil (but olive-oil), the pepper displaced, no sugar etc. etc. The vegetables not ordered according to what needs the fridge what not. Food outside - spoiled, hard vegetables inside. Old salads inside April 4, 1993 From Dorothee 14.3.93, before she came again. kannst Dir vorstellen, wie ich darauf brenne alle Veraenderungen der letzten Zeit - sowohl Deine als auch die der Succah, die ja wohl kaum von einenader zu trennen sind - mit eigenen Augen zu sehen. Aber, du wirst auch sicher spueren, dass u.a. die immer noch nicht ueberwundenen Verletzungen zwischen Ram und Dir, meine Reise ein wenig zu einem traurigen Pendeln zwischen einer heileren Vergangenheit und einer zerrissenen Gegenwart macht. Das ist emotional fuer mich nicht ganz einfach, aber ich denke Dir geht es aehnlich. Und ich wollte versuchen, nicht darueber hinwegzugehen, sondern es anzusprechen, um unsere Begeg-nung nicht zu einer halben werden zu lassen. link to Erika Knoller ---- link to Rushdi Fadila and the Partnership-tour in the USA 1980 links to Solar Energy in the Succah links to Ram Eisenberg Renata and Rachel (in Succah-stage III) Searching for Dorit Rivlin on Healing-K.i.s.s. (there should be much!), I only discovered a passage from this diary, March 19, 1993, On this journey I read passages in my 1993 diary, written in my bus in Succah in the Desert. I tore most of them, but one I'll translate and insert here: "19/3/93/ no time to write. a murderous day from 4:30 to 23:00 A talk with Dorit Rivlin, during which both of us cried: compassion with us women who have to fulfill the tasks of men without giving up the touch with our feelings and longings ----to lean on the shoulder of a man who wil take from us everything technical and administrative...".

hrming" I feel.
Contrary to my present pri

e of not initi it's "

alarming", hl.
Contrary to my present principle of not initiating anything,
I mDde

a

RECALLING   experiences with the temporary model of my Desert Hosting Economy vision More from my 1993 Succah diary handwritten in my bus PESACH 1993 The Hebrews 'ivrim are the first who 'ovrim from victimhood to self-determination a link to Shlomo Segev in Sinai with me link to the song: Qarev yom see about another Pesach -1975 [on the same page I also talked about Gadi&Efrat] link to Rita and Yokhevet

"ch

RECALLING   experiences with the temporary model of my Desert Hosting Economy vision 2013: Pat Groves to me in the workshop "Joyspring" summer 1987 "I know your humbleness I know your humility I know your dignity but I'm not letting you get away with anything less than the excellence which you deny!" What excellence?; "I do care!" Veronica: I do care also for myself! link to the song: Heal me and I'll be healed link to my participation in "The Mastery" in 1992, though Harold, the founder of the workshop, was not present link to Moshe-Klein and Water link to Pesach-songs which I sing and to the one song which I detest, as explained here by Gadi and Efrat

RECALLING   experiences with the temporary model of my Desert Hosting Economy vision Micha, my son, comes to see if I'm alive: snow 1991 see more of the Lybrock family in the Succayah My son Micha comes to see if I survived the snow of Jan. 1991 [2013: Nothing came out of either of these hopes...] When I prepared myself for Pesach 1993 with the guests and hosts of the Succah, not only for the food and where to sit etc. but how to deepen our understanding of Pesach, I came across the chapter 9 in Numeri (Ba-Midbar) and wondered how repetitious it is in its details:

arming" I feehe

ful",to be more honest, - to appease a faint feeling of guilt.
When I realized that my voice was hoarse and m seech mesy.
I brought the interaction to a swift end, t it's still alarming how uncharming I feel.
I asked for a helpful word from Godchanel and got this:

and my speech messy. I brought the interaction t a swift end,
but it's still alarming how uncharming I feel.
I asked for a helpful word from Godchannel an got this: