|
COMMUNICATIONS
WITH DEITY
2002_08_08
Dear Mother
see my plight, too many feelings
totally overwhelmed
I can't get straight anything~~~
Also so many desires concerning my site
Pressuring myself to get order into it,
also glad that I have three days ahead of me
also afraid I might loose my joy of creating if I'll be too focused for so
long.
Afraid that the day for Ronnit - with 2 more kids- will be too much for her
Guilty that I don't congratulate Elah and Alon on their birthdays,
glad that they are on holiday in the US with no e-mail connection,
but there IS a phone connection I'm not using~~~
Mad about Jim
Leonard,
mad about the green book and its shit about Moses,
the "angel",
desiring strongly to restore Moses' image~~~
Under pressure to continue with the Manual,
also wanting to.
Happy that Body - except in its back - is feeling so well.
Guilty that Body get's tired the minute I'm not doing something intense,
Even swimming in the pool with my grandchildren is not intense enough.
Feeling I should "utilize" Immanuel's car and go swimming at least.
Mad at myself that I always need to "utilize" opportunities and
things.
Like never throwing away any food.
These too many snacks and goodies I've been given by my children lately!
Wishing to have nothing,
and feeling crazy, stupid, and ungrateful because of this wish.
And feeling even more guilty
concerning all the people who starve to death right now.
Not trusting you, that you'll say something I don't already know.
"This is true,
I'm not going to say something that you don't already know.
In fact, I don't want to say anything,
I just want to cuddle you.
You didn't mention, that you miss being hugged and cuddled."
If it weren't for Arnon, Yael and Itamar, who still
hug me often
I wouldn't remember missing it..
"So please, do remember missing it."
Now what kind of twist
is this ?
I'm pouring out tons of discomfort and desires
and you mention this one issue?
"I don't have to mention, what you mentioned yourself, do I?
And the breathing-moving-sounding work you do all the time,
is fine and is "resolving" this, using Jim Leonard's term,
to make you feel triggered a bit more on one of your issues."
Yes, what's this contact
with Jim Leonard meant to mean to me?
If at all?
Is it just to trigger me in my hole of worthlessness?
Or is there an opportunity for me to learn something new?
To deepen and expand and apply what I know?
"I don't know yet.
It has to be a mutual process,
and I'm not sure, if Jim is already ready to take up the challenge.
But you do the right thing in taking it up
like you take up the challenges with the few visitors to your site.
" You might realize, that we let you meet only a few people,
so that you can integrate the mutual triggering
without overrunning your fine-tuning in feeling and healing;
without being forced to "just function" in the outside world.
"Yes, I see, you want to
tell me right now,
that the fact, there are so few, also triggers you.
This is one of your present lessons:
To become so whole in yourself,
that it will not matter any longer,
if somebody consciously sees your site and heals through your site,
or if your energy of wholeness, love, creativity and intense feeling/ living
reaches others - without them or you knowing it.
"It's like waves expanding from a stone thrown into the water.
The stone will never know,
how far out the waters will be moved by it
and what or whom they touch on their process of expansion."
OH, MOther, I keep forgetting this.
Thank you for the beautiful image.
