I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
"AZ
NIDBERU"
- My
new Midrash and song
in 5 languages
about the prophecy of Malachi
3, 16
["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The
Name]
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
It seems that I chose 26 actors
for my life's drama and those 26 actors chose me! One
common trait of all roles is "mutual dependency"
between them and me.
With 16 actors - my family - the mutual
dependency is life-long! With my landlords
at Arad & with my 6 starchildren, born
between 1986-88, it may be temporary. My children: Immanuel, Ronnit, Micha; my
children-in-love: Efrat, Uri, Ra'ayah; my 10 grandchildren [born
1987-2005): Elah-Alon-Tomer-Mika; Jonathan-Rotem-Yael-Itamar;
Arnon-Ayelet
My landlords: Ofir & Meital+ Lior (2002) & Amit (2005).
My starchildren: Lior Oren, Zipi Winkler , Dina Strat , Meshi
Taib, Gal Mor, Boris Arons [26=YHWH=13+13=ahavah+ahavah =LOVE!]
Kisslog: healing-creating
TV & Internet: learning
Planters watering
Interactions:
Efrat & Mika
- Rihaam, the
cleaning woman
- the vet for Nella
- Sa'ud the Arab pharmacist
- the
agent of a flat at Shoham + the couple renting
it
- ph from Lior Oren - depressed
- ph from Arnon: a dog! a stool!
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may
8:25 I desire to communicate with Deity
concerning this night's attack of feeling "imprisoned".
I desire to full-fill the purpose of my leg's injury, i.e. of
my being prevented from moving freely.
I desire to always discern, when NOT to advise E. concerning
her unhealthy habits & when yes.
I desire that E. will transform "victimhood"
(Tomer! The demand to cut expenses!) into cooperation
with I.
I desire, that E. will heal the physical-mental
symptoms of depression until I.'s return, also for M's sake!
I desire to radiate caring, gladness, trust, without being affected
by my family's problems (also the dog!)
my
own images of the conjunction of the three brightest objects
in the sky,
about 1 hour after sunset and 1 hour before those celestial
bodies set too
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
9:22 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks, thanks, thanks to the fact, that during most
of my 70 years
I was free to walk and climb and dance and travel near and
far.
I give thanks, that I now can feel this gratitude throughout
my day & night,
because at this time I am not free to walk, climb, dance,
and travel home...
And "thank G O D ", that I know the purpose of this
temporary handicap. When this morning (watching Mika delighting
in her TV program) I followed Re'ut's, the physiotherapist's
advice (given be f o r e the
first treatment tomorrow!),
to massage the muscle in the back of the knee, which hurts
since my fall,
I felt for the first time, that
also the bone, called "fibula" or "calf-bone"
is hurting.
Thanks to the usually perfect health of the fibula,
the most slender of all the long bones ! as well as to
the tibia, to which it is connected above & below!
I am grate-full more than I've ever
been during the last 23 months,
that usually I am granted the perfect rhythm of moving between
2 homes,
which helps me to never get used to one set of circumstances
& situations
and to alternate between coping with interactions + worries
for loved-ones
and resting-creating in my holy solitude, less identifying
with their sufferings.
I am grate-full for the technology & for I's teaching
me to create a website,
which allows me to feel zest-full & full-filled all day
long, even if "paralyzed".
I am grate-full for the wondrous relationship with my daughter-in-love
& for the grand priviledge of having a role in my 10th
grandchild's growing
when I tried to get a perspective of the Three
in between objects on earth, like a house or a tree,
I couldn't use a tripod, and these funny shapes are the result...
Last night,
the three brightest objects in the night sky converged,
producing a triple-conjunction of stunning beauty.
Venus, Jupiter and the crescent Moon
were crowded into a patch of sky just a few degrees across
when Steve Lantz took this picture
from the Garden of the Gods near Colorado Springs:
The rock formation in the foreground
is called Kissing Camels rock," says Lantz.
"We had some clouds, but that was no problem.
Venus and the Moon beamed right through them."
[I, Rachel, don't understand,
why the moon looks full!
and why the moon appears above the planets
and not below them, as on myown photos]
In the 10-year history of Spaceweather.com,
no single event has generated more photos than this one.
Submissions have poured in from six continents,
dozens of countries,
kingdoms, democracies, theocracies,
ships, planes, cars,
and even from a military aircraft refueling 35,000 feet over
Iraq.
We're building a gallery to display a selection of the best
shots
LUNAR
OCCULTATION OF VENUS: En route to last night's Great Conjunction,
the Moon ran right over Venus.
The event, which astronomers call a "lunar occultation,"
happened directly over Europe
where Romanian photographer Stanescu Octavian took this picture: "I caught Venus just before it disappeared
behind the dark edge of the Moon, Venus remained hidden for
more than an hour, then popped out again
to form a spectacular triangle with Jupiter and Luna as opposing
vertices. " Borken,
NRW, Germany "It was not easy to observe this astronomical
show. Many, many clouds. This picture show Venus near the moon"
"I
love you with all my heart,
joy and gladness you have given me
- you are a star [kokhevet] to
me,
I'm grateful, grateful to you,
that you support me,
I love you,
so much love you"
A kids' Song, not yet recorded
on my website
In
the mouth there is a tongue,
in the eye there is an iris
in the head there is a brain
in the hand there is strength
in the body there is a heart {here Mika interrupts:
I have a big heart!]
the heart loves.
The new star-song for Mika will be ready in tune and lyrics
until her third birthday on December 20...
Preface
to yesterday's skype-dialog between
Bet-Nehemia Los-Angeles:
"kokhav" means "star".
In modern times "kokhavit" was invented for "asterix"=
little star.
The female form of "kokhav" could be "kokhevet",
like in my
song for Efrat's birthday on July 5, 2007,
which Mika wanted me to sing when I put her to bed the night
before
Another possible female form "kokhavah" is not
in the dictionary.
The plural "kokhavim" has an Aramaic form "kokhvayah",
known to every Jew from the
Pesach-Song : Echad mi yodea, Another possible diminuation would be "kokhavon",
female: "kokhvonit",
but except for Mika nobody seems to have derived this form
so far...
Efrat: "You
are my kokhav!"
Mika: "Lo,
ani kokhevet!"
Efrat: "Then Abba is the kokhav,
I the kokhavah
and you the kokhevet!
Grandma: "And what am I?"
Immanuel: "At kokhvaiah."
Mika: "At kokhvonit"
Stunned by this funny discussion,
I grab a note , written in the train,
and show it to Efrat - though she should
have seen it only on Dec. 20.
"These are the words for the
song you asked from me
for Mika's birthday."
"Mika you are (newly) born star!
The world is opening gradually
to your seeing eyes,
to your hearing ears.
"I
have a big heart" you say *
Love, compassion you are guarding
for every human, for every creature,
The light of a star you are radiating!" (*
she says that mainly when I sing to her the song about
"in the body there is a heart"- see left frame)
Efrat, too, was amazed.
Spaceweather.com
also reported another phenomenon on the sky
MOONBOW CHALLENGE:
Experts
once thought that moonbows--that is, rainbows formed in moonlight--were
only visible around the time of a bright full Moon. An amateur
astronomer broke that rule by photographing a moonbow only 7
days before the new moon
I woke up in the night and felt choked,
paralyzed, imprisoned to the degree,
that I decided during that difficult hour or more, to come
into your lap...
"I'll cuddle and comfort you..."
You know, that they fixed "Physiotherapy"
for tomorrow at 13:20
exactly when I wanted to be back at Arad[passing
by the pool between bus & home].
You know, that during the skype talk with Immanuel I became
certain,
that the injury has another purpose: to keep me here in this
"charged" house.
I. will return tomorrow, but fly again on Sat. night :"Simulator"
for a week.
The realization, that I would be away from castle, garden
& pool for 2 weeks,
and that I would have to cope with all the plight which is
afflicting my family,
and that I wouldn't even be able to take the Friday walk with
my son & Mika (as he himself pointed out!)
all this made me suddenly panic, as if somebody had thrown
me into prison.
The ridiculous disproportion between this feeling and the
suffering of others,
didn't make it easy for me to accept the feeling.
I vibrated it strongly, hoping, that some time I'd at least
fall asleep again.
What aggravated the feeling, was the insight,
that I 'm still dependent on exterior circumstances to feel
"free".
What does it serve me, that I know, that I create these circumstances,
and in this case even by conscious choice and total mental
acceptance?
"Bet Nehemia" is a paradise as few people experience
even once in life.
I've been thanking for all the components of this paradise
so many times:
the exterior comfort, the food, the harmonious relationship
with my family,
and the incredible chance to watch Mika grow, while also being
al-one,
and able to do just what I do at Arad: "I heal, learn,
create on K.i.s.s.-Log!"
And thanks to Ofir's watering I don't have to worry about
my garden in Arad.
So what IS THE MATTER WITH ME?
WHAT KIND OF UNGRATEFUL BRAT AM I?
Yesterday, when a few flies were bothering us (I truly can not
live with flies! In the first years at Ramat-Hadar , from
1964
I used to say that the only reason for wanting
to return to Germany were the flies.
And in
my mobile home, despite screening curtains, I used
to kill 25 flies already before breakfast.)
Efrat mentioned a TV report about Gaza
and demonstrated with such disgust,
how - since the municipal services etc. had collapsed and
the sewage was running freely in the streets- there were -
not 20, but thousands of flies -
on everything, even plastic, which is sold in the street,
even on the reporter.
And of course, flies are not the only , and not the worst
problem of the people.
And there is spoiled Rachel Bat-Adam and mourns about ...
about what?
"Please stop here, for you become more & more
judgmental towards yourself.
I later want to help you discern between different sources
for your feelings,
but first take a break, breathe & embrace the feeling,
eat, sleep, come back."
3:20
I am back,- with some more "items" which feed the
feeling of being closed in.
There's been no Internet for 3 hours, no "Babylon', no
Gmail, no outside world
and even if my son would want to call once more, he wouldn't
be able to.
Also - my recent crazy fantasy of participating in the Big
Brother experiment:
my imagining that I would not be able to cope with two circumstances,
- (1) to be imprisoned for 100 days, (2) to never be alone
for 1 minute -
makes me feel spoiled, weak, uncapable of meeting any challenge
any longer.
"Your problem is, that you
imagine challenges instead of living those you face!
How often in your life have you learnt to focus on the present
moment,
not only on the present problem, plight, predicament, but
on the PRESENT!
Even if the reasons which seem to cause that prison feeling
- would prevail,
- your feelings are flowing, ascending, descending, curling,
rushing, receding,
and almost all you have to do is to vibrate-embrace them in
this, this moment.
"'Almost' , for the very feeling -and fear of- feeling
enclosed as if imprisoned,
instead of delighting in the PRESENT feeling, vibrating and
being aware
- stems from judgments:
1 "I have no
right to feel bad or scared, since my life is Heaven-on-Earth." 2 "I am not capable of
being enclosed in a house, in a place, I must move!"
3 "My body will degenerate and feel awful, if I can't
walk, dance & swim!"
4 "I am responsible for having a healing effect on my
daughter-in-love!"
5 "I cannot bear the mistakes, by which I & E contribute
to their problems!"
Let your mind help you to turn
these judgments around into helpful beliefs:
1 "However 'unjustified' my feelings are, - I'll feel
them vicariously for all!"
2 "I am capable of moving, even if enclosed in prison
or paralyzed in bed!"
3 "My body's multiple muscles & joints will find
ways to move all day long!"
4 "My Presence heals in ways, which my mind's responsibility
might miss!"
5 "I trust, that by coping with their mistakes each of
them & their love grow!"
Learn these helpful beliefs by
heart , perhaps through a song you make up,
and summarize all of them in the pun: "When in Prison,
be in Present
let your Presence heal!"
Helping Efrat to bring Nella to the vet at
Shoham
Mika
was impressed
with the doll glove for her hand,
and with the "Tucki" birds,
one in a cage, saying "Shalom",
and one sitting on the vet's hands:
A friend had found it on the street,
- without an identity mark -
the friend's wife - cleaning-crazy -made a scene
and so the vet got the bird. I praised the vet:
"I wished doctors for humans would be
as nice as you are to your animals." But then - he gets paid by the client,
and his prices are horrendous.
"Let him check Nella again",
said Mika at the end,
somehow "fascinated" by Nella's pain, claims Efrat
Nella does not only have a severe wound
in her tail,
but is dehydrated, needs an infusion
and has to stay over night: 550 NIS!
which is the last thing my family's budget needs now.
And this without the shot against Rabies,
which is due anyway...
At the Pharmacy
Efrat has a recipe for antibiotica for
herself.
When we entered the pharmacy,
she whispered in my ear: "know that this is Sa'ud from
Ramleh,
who dared to open a private pharmacy
in this area,
with much potential clientele.
But everyone prefers to drive to the center
to the Superpharm.
He has put all his savings in this business
but during the last 6 months
rarely someone enters.
He said to me: "I want to commit suicide". Though in the beginning he chose
to advertise
in the rival local newspaper,
our newspaper is helping him!"
My heart bled....and
said: Finally an Arab has the initiative and
guts
to open such a business at all,
and to open it in a Jewish town,
and that it seems to be doomed to fail.
May Sa'ud realize his dream after all!
Moving house again, after four months only?
Efrat is determined to return to Shoham as
fast as possible, and I can't even blame her.
Bet Nehemya did not provide what it
promised.
At least Efrat now knows, that her dream of a house with lawn and
garden in the countryside is an illusion:
garbage everywhere, security-fences all around, free-running dogs,
racing motorbikes and tractorons,
cumbersome transport to the facilities in town,
and the lack of relations with neighbors or other children, leave
alone friends,
which is felt in a village even more severely than in town.
All this for a rent, the price of which is far beyond their means
(6000 NIS, nothing included, while I at Arad pay 1050 NIS, everything
included, even cable TV and Internet).
[If I were asked, I would add another point:
Though even Efrat is quite content with the house itself, the space
of it is often wasted:
Not only Immanuel is away, when on flight, but Mika in winter doesn't
even see the veranda,
leave alone play on the lawn.
She and Efrat leave before 8:30 in the morning, and when they return
, it is already dark.
Tomer at present comes home to his father for a weekend only once
a month,
and if he is brought here for an "after", it's not for the
night,
and I, who also "needs a room", am here usually only when
Immanuel is away]
Now, because of the economic regression all over the world, the prices
might get lower,
just as El-Al grants
Immanuel less flights, because there are less people who fly.
During the last 6 months his salary was reduced by one third.
Like me - Efrat moves fast, when she has made up her mind to make
a radical change.
So, since we were at Shoham anyway for Nella's sake,
she fixed with one of her agents, that we would see the flat today.
Since the owners had to come from Gedera, we had to wait 20 minutes.
In the
meanwhile Mika had her krembo
(Shifra - Big Brother - after the horrid crembo assignment
and counter-assignment: " I'll never eat a krembo in my life"!) - and drove to a new potential flat in
Maccabee St. to meet the agent
and the owners (religious."Don't
you dare to photograph them", warned
E.) The price - for 6 rooms and a big court
surrounded by high shrubs,-
was much lower than expected (4000 NIS, compared to the present
6000 NIS) "but the kitchen makes me
feel claustrophobic", said
Efrat, and what was worse: only at home she checked the conditions
for breaking the contract
with the owners of the house at Bet Nehemya (from Aug. 1 for
a year).....
Mika:I quarreled with grandma
In one of the six rooms of the empty flat, I discovered
this painting of the owner's daughter Shoshana.
Somehow the image of Mika fits those angels: I needed this stick, but
gave it to her, when she wanted it.
Then I asked her to give me another one from that drawer."it's
hard for me to get up!"Blunt refusal! But later we made the kids' ritual of "Sholem"
"Peace, peace for ever, quarrel, quarrel
never never"
Aren't these four profiles of people I met
on one single day - amazing?
Rihaam from Ramleh I met before, but this time I admonished her
a) to demand from every Jew to pronounce her name correctly, ("but what does it mean?" she
asked"It derives from the same
word "womb and compassion" as "Allah al-rahmaan, al-raheem") b) to return
to the greeting "Shalom ~Shalom" and ~"Salaam aleikum
~~~ m'a Salaameh" instead of "Hey ~~~ Bye"
She will not heed this, but at least she'll be more aware....
Efrat's cleaning woman and three men:
Efrat's Arab pharmacist,
Efrat's Jewish vet and Efrat's Jewish flat agent
From the shrub surrounded court of that flat
I discerned the moon (without Jupiter and Venus )
- just touching a blooming Bougainvillia. I put the camera on "Best
Shots: Night Scene", but since
I had no tripod to avoid shaking, the outcome was this magnificent image!
This
time the people , I and Efrat wanted to dismiss,
where dismissed also by the public: Ina and
Yoni.
It's teaching to experience, that Shakhar is
still "cherished".
My aversion against his very appearance, leave
alone his behavior,
might be a projection, obviously not shared
by others:
Pretty Ina - when she entered the House among
the 4 newcomers 34 days ago,
had said about herself: "And I think that
I'm better looking than all girls in the House".
And Vanessa demonstrated in front of all Israel,
towards humiliated Itai
that she was madly attracted to Yoni sexually.
What was uplifting , were three phenomena:
Among the eight, who were left after Ranin's
dismissal,
the divide between "Friedmans" (Ashkenazis)
and "Not-Friedmans" (Sephardis)
had faded away.
(Efrat claimed, that this happened, because
the two comflict-makers
Shai and Tzabbar had been eliminated).
The terrible feelings, which were flushed up
(Shifra: "hutzfu") against each other
by last weeks ugly assignment of "Lords
and Servants",
were healed , even between Shifra and Shakhar,
and this also with the help of Big Brother,
who advised Shifra: "Go and check what
the feelings of the others are!"
As to feelings: Raninhad
made it clear - outside The House - even several
times,
how feelings inside the House are pushed to
the extreme.
This in itself is a fantastic result of the
Big Brother experiment:
Feelings are felt , feelings are exposed.
Of course, as long as there is nobody to inform
people,
what feelings are and how they have to be vibrated,
and then integrated with consciousness,
people outside and inside escape into judging
the people in the House,
and those go on judging themselves, and once
outside will run back to denial.
Another uplifting experiment and experience:
the eight got a small assignment :
Make an advertisement (tashdir) of 2 minutes
about "Israel ! You have to save water!"
They had 2 hours for creating this clip.
It was an example of how even forced co-creation
unites people.
The most astounding happening was the meeting
between Yossi and his wife.
Neither me nor Efrat would have believed:
a) that Yossi has such a wife - this Vered is
simply an incredible woman
b) that he was capable of having loved her for
30 years,
and expressing this love even in a situation,
in which - except for a letter, written and
read by Vered, (censored by Big Brother) -
she was not to give him any information at all,
i.e. he couldn't ask her anything.
I voiced my wondering - towards Efrat -
if the organizers, whose main goal is probably
the "rating-quote",
were aware that "to make it interesting"
there wasn't only the old device of getting
people to fight each other
(worst example the Lords-Servants assignment),
but to create a situation, where love and caring
are exposed.
I also still wonder, what made the majority
of the "inmates" choose Yossi
as "most worthy" to meet a loved-one
for 10 minutes in the "private suite",
especially since Yossi has been - for 92 days
now - the only one,
who had a loved-one at his side - his daughter
Einav.
Einav, by the way, expressed too much devastation,
said Efrat,
for not having been allowed to see her mother,
while she was with her father.
Since I've gotten acceptive of Einav's extroverted
emotional expression,
which is mostly rage and fury, I liked this
tearful outbreak as a balance.
"So many years we are together
and suddenly..." Vered, who watches BigBrother
16 hours per day, is shown this clip:
How Yossi once expressed his longing for her in the
"Confession Room".
As to me, that "confession" began to balance
my judgments against Yossi...
. "With me the tear cries on
a tear...."
The Song which Mika didn't like, but which
has to be sung anyway...
From the following sculpture I left only
the left part on October 12,
since the right part was too heavy and my attempt to minimize
"the Song which Mika didn't like" failed. [see the
rules for K.i.s.s.-log about the maximum size of a page]
I finished the recording on Oct. 20, but there was no space on that
page either.
There is space on today's page and by inserting it I hope to render
energy to the message in my song
about the "stepmother, who
wombs her son just like her daughter".
October
12,
In the car I remember,
that I haven't learnt that pretty kindergarden song "slichot"
-
a version for kids - of the
Yom Kippur "Asking for Forgiveness".
As it's well known,
the fasting etc. may atone for sins between a man and his creator,
but NOT for his sins towards a fellow human.
I could convince Mika to begin singing on my cellphone,
but she had the same difficulty which had her father at that
age:
I wanted him to talk on a tape - which was the technology in
1966 - for his grandmother in Germany to hear him
(I later translated on paper what he had managed to say
- which wasn't too smart...)
and he , like Mika, couldn't grasp,
that first the tape had to get his input,
then later we could hear from it the output.
What makes this little recording - not pleasurable -but valuable,
is the conversation which went on in front of us.
Efrat and Immanuel talked about the plan that they all
- i.e. including Ronnit's family -
would meet somewhere on the last day of the Succot Festival.
Efrat is clearly heard as saying: "And Tomer asks to verify,
that Rotem too will come!"
Rotem is the only cousin, Tomer appreciates
as worthy of his company...
[See on Mika's
Birthday, Dec. 2007,
and see both at Arad
in August 2006]
{listen to the recording on October
12}
Ruth-Efrat,
who is that- YOU?
kalah, warm, loving!
A stepmother,
but not killing,
wombing her son
a her daughter!
As sign of redemption
heaven-on-earth...
Since I've been doing the work - complicated
for me...
- of transferring, transforming the recording on the cellphone
to a sound-button for this page,
I thought it fitting to do the same work with the recording
done on June 16[see
a photo below]
where Mika says:"I don't
like this song!"
and juxtapose it to today's recording,
which allows for a comparison of Mika's talking-skill
She was - a rare scene - sitting at her little table,
placed next to my desk in my room, and drawing.
I wanted to explore, if we could be in each other's company,
while each one did her own work.
I was working on the Shakespeare-Schubert song "Sylvia",
soon to be converted into my song for Efrat's
birthday,
with its crucial metaphysical message
concerning her drama with her stepson Tomer.
But no sooner had I put on a link with some singer singing the
song,
than Mika protested: "I don't like this song".
And only when I removed the image of the clip,
did she let me study the music.
In the final edition - (on Oct. 20) - I skipped the parts of
the song,
which she let me hear without protest,
and kept the last part, where she asks: "where
is Nella?"
and finding her next to her feet under her table, she cuddles
with her,
lets her lick her and makes happy sounds.
There is space on this page also for an image
of how traveling by train after the exit of Shabbat looks like , taken
on Nov. 22
(transferred here from a page - Nov. 22 - which is
over- crowded with experiences like this train was overcrowded with
all kinds of people)
While I found a place on the stairs to the upper floor, the old man
was forced to stand ...watching his grandchild(?) holding up his/her
hands..
Kisslog: healing-creating
TV & Internet: learning
Planters watering
Interactions:
Efrat & Mika
- Rihaam, the
cleaning woman
- the vet for Nella
- Sa'ud the Arab pharmacist
- the
agent of a flat at Shoham + the couple renting
it
- ph from Lior Oren - depressed
- ph from Arnon: a dog! a stool!
