I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may! 8:00 I desire to conceptualize how
I'm full-filling my vocation in my present,
as differentiated from what I was "doing on the exterior
level" in my past.
I desire to full-fill this vocation during more moments of breathing
in and breathing out
of feeling and thinking, learning and creating, taking-in and
putting-out. 2013 and deleting
image of the
day- my children,
Purim 1976, Ramat-Hadar
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today 8:11
My Body, my Partner,
my God I give thanks to you
for letting me feel, sense and be aware of our perfect health!
10:15 This is an exception in sculpting my
daily altar : returning to a thanksgiving!
Superstitious people would have exclaimed: "Don't open
mouth to Satan",
and if they would have seen the pain in my groin while walking
to the pool,
they would have been justified in avoiding to say thanks for
"perfect health".
But they don't know, that the Biblical "Satan" [unlike
"Lucifer&Ahriman"},
is meant to serve by putting a stumbling-block in front of
us- as a challenge!
Seeing from afar a Purim street activity, I set out to go
there to photograph,
but the groin-pain forced me to be true to what I had written
an our earlier:
I'm grate-full for being spared any
involvment in Purim or Good Friday.
I'm grate-full for having "completed" all past K.i.s.s.-L
o g pages!
I'm grate-full for having a day ahead of me,
which is free from any program except for my blessed routine,
pool 9:00-9:50 & 13:30 to 14:20, cooking, lunch + TV &
nap till 15:30,
garden 17:00-17:30, from 19:30 TV - on and off -
According to program or my "capacity for input"
and all the precious time in between: "output" on
my website,
nowadays rarely interrupted by reading and writing a letter.
During lunch I listened to a very good
dialog about Purim
(Channel 2, Efrat Rosenberg with Dr. Micha Goodman),
mainly about the concept behind "drink until you can't discern between Haman
and Mordechai", i.e. between good and evil, enemy and friend..
because sculpting here what I grasped and remember.
is not my preference of full-filling today's limited time.
You aranged a bug on my website, which in order to eliminate
it
I'm forced to "drive backward" to each and
every page of
"My Fourfold
Path of Grate-Full-ness" in 2007:
The top-links "Grandma of 10" !!! and "Contact"
!!! do not work,
not even when I "paste over" the corrected
links.
I have to first "delete" those and than write
them anew.
I understand the benefit of "driving backward"
and also of getting an overview and refreshed memory
of what I've worked on already,
but why the links to "Family" and "Contact"?
All the other links lead to their destinations correctly!
"Do you feel a prick of guilt (Good Friday ! )"
Why - because I put another
"contact" on freeze with yesterday's
letter?
No, I feel whole with this, whole with having put all
friends on freeze.
And as being a "Grandma of 10" - I've graduated
in "Grandmahood",
and I was even granted the joy, that Jonathan,
now 17, related to me. [I'm planning
a k.i.s.s.-log page about him on his birthday, April
15]
There is neither guilt nor resentment, only grate-full-ness!
So why were these 2 links chosen for "a bug"
?
"If not for these links
to the "basics" of your life,
your real family of 16 members and your potential contact
to the world,
you would probably not bother
to now open each of the some 500 pages,
in order to correct those links!
I already suggested, that you have a fresh look on past
sculptures,
like your puzzle-piece
40 "Cease Creating New Manifestations".
Then you came across the
Intro to "InteGRATion
into GRATeFULLness",
and what did strike you there?"
That already a year ago I found "an" answer
to
what are the conditions for "Heaven on Earth"
or "Feeling Full-Filled",
and this before I established specific
pages about "conditions for..."
following my inner involvement in the "Firing
the Grid" activity.
"It is well known, that
evolution follows a spiral.
The question - what makes people feel full-filled -has
"possessed" you,
since your heart went out to people, bored and unsatisfied
by their jobs.
Now your spiraling-in has reached the innermost point:
"Having left behind not only the old illusory answers
(battling, traveling, making love, having power, money,
prestige),
but also your incessant endeavor to guide people towards
satisfying jobs:
"if people find the work that
satisfies them,
the world will receive the workers
needed for what has to be done in the world"
you - I - are striving to conceptualize and convey the
understanding,
that "full-fill-ment"
is the main condition for "Heaven-on-Earth",
and that "full-fill-ment" has to be reached
with each and every breath."
Wow! and what now?
"As I said:
let's first gather the harvest of your life concerning
this issue.
The process which you started with me on Sunday,
needs to continue.
Feel your fear,
that you might loose sight of what you already know,
by surfing through many, many sculpted pages of the
last 7 years,
as well as unnoted memories of past understandings.
"What is important is, that
- in addition to your own living Full-Fill-ment with
every breath -
you stick to your - our - Intention
to conceptualize , convey, communicate the conditions
of "Heaven-on-Earth" or "Feeling Full-Filled".
"And I'm glad you "set your heart" to
the two little "events":
Eichendorff's song which came to you from the 19th century,
and the birthday gift for D., which you transmitted
by phone.
In receiving and giving you - we - have followed our
QUEST!"
Yes! I like this term: QUEST! and I love your saying:
"OUR".
"God be with you!"
Finetuning
to my Present
First Story: Before leaving for the pool, I opened
the recorder of my cell-phone,
in order to speak on it the lyrics of songs, which need to be
re-learnt.
What songs? On
the 2007 Song-Game calender I peeped at a song "by
chance",
unwittingly hoping it would be associated to my research with
"God".
The title of the
old German folksong suggested nothing of the kind,
it seemed to be out of time, place and context: a betrayed lover
weeps!
But when listening to the stanzas while climbing down and up
the wadi,
I saw it as exemplifying the predicament of men (nowadays also
of women):
"I have the illusion, that love and sex would full-fill
me,
but when I can't get even love and sex, then:
"Ich
weiss nicht, was ich will,
ich moecht am liebsten sterben,
dann waer's auf einmal still!"
"I
don't know, what I want,
I would so much like to die,
then it would be suddenly quiet."
But before the poet (none
less than Josef v. Eichendorff)reaches
this last resort,
he expressestwo dreams, which
I would call archetypical:
"Ich
moecht als Spielmann reisen
wohl in die Welt hinaus,
und singen meine Weisen,
und gehn von Haus zu Haus.
"Ich moecht als Reiter fliegen,
wohl in die blut'ge Schlacht,
um stille Feuer liegen,
im Feld bei dunkler Nacht."
"I
want to travel as a musician,
far into the world,
and sing my tunes
and go from house to house.
"I want to fly as a rider,
into the bloody battle,
lie around silent fires,
on the field in the dark night."
What does a young man want to do to
escape boredom?
To avoid asking:
Why am I here?
What am I to do in this world? If not lulled by 'love&sex'
he either sets out to travel
or seeks a chance to battle.
This unintended rhyme reinforces my
understanding since the age of 16:
the longing for full-fill-ment is as strong as it is denied
and not spoken-of.
During all my "peace-work"
Schiller's
song in "Wallenstein"
was asserted:
"nur
im Felde,
da ist der Mann noch was wert!"
"only
on the battle-field
has a man any worth."
This is the deepest reason for the stupefying fact,
that whenever a war is "declared",
young men leave their lovers and wifes, their work, their children,
and run, rush and volunteer "to fight for their fatherland",
be they Germans, English, French, Italians, Russians in the
past,
or Israelis and Americans only recently. A man who feels full-filled in his life,
love and work,
will not volunteer, he will not even succumb to "legal
recruiting". And what will happen to the wars then?
20 years ago - in Germany - I read on the back-window of cars:
"Stell
dir vor, ein Krieg bricht aus,
und du gehst einfach nicht hin!"
"Image,
a war breaks out,
and you simply don't go there."
Second Story:
I may have frozen a friendship "for
the time being",
but on birthdays I make an exception, if I feel I'm wanted.
I reached D. on the phone and yes, she desired a "Rachel
Birthday-Talk", "Tell me 10 things in your past
year, for which you give thanks.
And tell me 3 things in your present year, which you want
to come true."
I was walking home from the pool, climbing
down the wadi,
and feeling, that this talk should continue in nature and
not in my house,
strolled along the wadi and gathered garbage blown there by
the wind.
D.'s last year seems to have been a breakthrough:
"I could finally let go of all my judgments
about life,
and of blaming my
loved ones for all I've been projecting
on them.
Therefore, I feel light and happy and full of joy."
As to her present year, D's first desire was "to improve our sex-life".
Here I wondered: "But you once
said, that much has improved?"
"Yes, but we want to reach the highest heights in this
art!"
Since she mentioned "The
Bringers of the Dawn",
and the insight which this book had given her
concerning the potential of spiritual fulfillment through
sex,
I asked her, if she wanted an advice and she agreed eagerly.
"In Bringers of the Dawn"
it's also written,
that it's better to renounce sex for a time,
than continuing to do so much damage by wrong sex..
And I, Rachel, interpret "wrong" sex as "sex
mingled with denial".
When a couple makes love,
but one or both have an unhealed issue with the other,
or even during love-making one or both have a fleeting feeling:
"This is not pleasant or this is not enough, but I won't
spoil it now!"
there is denial,
and since the denial flows to the other with the physical
"juices",
the denial is not only doubled, but squared and multiplied."
And then I heard myself saying, what was obviously channeled; "The greater the love, the greater
the danger of denial.
Denial is the shadow of love."
D. was moved. And that's when we parted, saying "Shalom"....
Purim in two generations
Ramat-Hadar 1970, Immanuel, Ronnit and
Micha, my children,
King and Queen and Gate-keeper
Hod-Hasharon 1972 - Immanuel as a sheep,
Micha as the shepherd, Ronnit ?
the "Sheep" lifts its masque..
Ramat-Hadar 1974 , two cowboys and Immanuel as "Death"?
Ramat-Hadar, 1978, two Zionist pioneers
Ramat-Hadar, 1979, Micha with Imma,
probably the last time that at least my youngest felt child
enough
to dress up for Purim
A leap in time and technology and generations:
Modi'in 2001: Rotem and Itamar, my daughter's children,
and Immanuel, their uncle, who came to Modi'in to visit his children,
who also took part in the "Adloyada".
E., Immanuel's
eldest,
dressed up and performed
as the American girl,
she so much yearned to be,
until she had a chance to become one,
when her father worked in the US
the following year , 2002.
She started school in September,
she was even promised
a scholarship for dancing,
but she escaped back to Israel
already in November.
The next year Ya'acov,
my "twin-brother" was already a teacher at the
Democratic School,
following my hard work of winning him over to leave Tel-Aviv
with his wife and twin-daughters
and settle in Modi'in.
Here he "walks" in the Adloyada of the Democratic
School,
which performed their march under the title of the famous book: "The
never-ending story"
The last time I attended the Adloyada with
my grandchildren at Modi'in , was on March 16, 2003
The theme of the Democratic School this time was "China"
Ronnit, my daughter, with Itamar and Yael,
talks with Yaacov
T., as his brother Al., was no longer
in the Democratic School.
Their mother had moved them to an ordinary school.
Not by chance is he dressed up as a sceleton.
Even today he has a love-affair with death and demons and
all that's dark.
To encounter these pictures one hour after I received news,
which "have to do with T. again", makes me again
feel sorrowful.
But I'm glad I made a pretty photo, before the Adloyada started,
under our Dommim-Tree,
where we always had our lunch,
when we came from school and pool and before going to my home. A few days later my role as T.'s
"Foster-Grandma" was ended..,
On the photo below
Tomer seems to disrupt the orderly procession,
and gets reprimanded
20:15 In the 3 SAT news I saw,
how in Jerusalem the Christians followed American actors,
who played "Christ's way of suffering" as bloodily as possible,
while amusing processions were conducted by Jews,
like this one in Modi'in 2003:
A Jewish Rabbi, a Muslim Sheikh, a Christian Priest - dance together...
Probably every city and small town organized its Adloyada,
ad - lo - yada - (drink)
"until - not - knew (the difference between enemies and friends)"
I had closed today's page already - 21:00 -
when this greeting reached me;
Arnon, what kind of king? and Ayelet, who has written on poster and
clothes: "NO"!
There is no
right or wrong way to tell your improved story.
It can be about your past, present, or future experiences.
The only criterion that is important is
that you be conscious of your intent
to tell a better-feeling, improved version of your story.
Telling many good-feeling short stories throughout your day
will change your point of attraction.
Just remember that the story you tell is the basis of your life.
Eran
Tartakowski,
dismissed from the "Big Brother" said amazing words, when
asked, "what was that most moving scene in the entire
program,
when you sat on the floor in the toilet and cried your heart out."
"It was then that I realized for the first
time in my life,
that I had given all my life to the State, to the Army, to others,
and that had full-filled me.
Now those things were gone and I felt totally empty.
I knew that I had to find something else,
that would make me feel full-filled!"
Eran
Tartakowski would have been a person,
to whom I could have related only "by contrast".
Now with his confession about what full-filled him in the past,
I can see the two extremes - terrorist and fighter - [his first question, when he
came out from "the house" to the audience:
"Did Israel attack Syria?"]
as humans who have the very same motivation:
to sacrifice themselves in order to feel full-fill-ment...
Now, lo and behold!
He became a friend of his biggest adversary, Sa'ar (bottom
right),
whom he saw as an "enemy of the State of Israel"
because of his "leftist" approach.
Isn't such a double change of attitude something
to celebrate?
See what I wrote above,
4 years ago:
What does a young man want to do to escape boredom?
To avoid asking: Why am I here? What am I to do in this world? If not lulled by 'love&sex'
he either sets out to travel
or seeks a chance to battle.
This unintended rhyme reinforces my understanding since
the age of 16:
the longing for full-fill-ment is as strong as it is denied and not spoken-of.
During all my "peace-work"
Schiller's song
in "Wallenstein"
was asserted:
"nur
im Felde,
da ist der Mann noch was wert!"
"only
on the battle-field
has a man any worth."
also on 2012-03-20
Liri Yaari [ya'ar=forest] inserted a "Vimeo" on Facebook,
where a woman - not Liri, though she looks like her - says, while riding through
a forest:
"I
always felt as if I had a hole in the center of my being.
Nothing filled that hole, that emptiness,
until one day I finally discovered Nature.
The forest gave me 'la plenitude' , the full-ness."
Shortly after I had heard and seen
these words,
I heard similar words - on TV - from a young man,
who at the age of 19 fell into the trap of a cult: "I always felt, that something was
missing in my life."
After horrid experiences he managed to flee -physically!
That's it: people have everything they need,
food, shelter, a home, love, possibilities to study,
but only rarely are they aware of their emptiness.
"Heaven-on-Earth" is also and foremost: Fullnes!s
Liri "belonged" to the "circle"
of Nine
during our time
at Ein-Gedi fieldschool, 1999,
She later married Stav (=autumn)- not knowing, that Stav was my "messenger"
already in 1996.
I had been cruelly stopped at the border to Egypt
and not allowed to join my team of hosts in Sinai-
and it was then, early November 1996,
that we slept at the beach next to each other,
(he gave me his sleeping-bag and slept without!)
In the early morning he left with the equipment which I had bought
for continuing with my model of a mobile
hosting business in Sinai,
among it also a small solar panel,
purchased from a "co-fighter" in Kibbutz
Samar.
Stav and Liri, now parents of four, lived in a mobile home in Guatemala
for years
They belonged to the Lynx group of people
who want to live like people in the Stone-Age.
When they returned to Israel and
contacted me,
I wanted them to move their caravan to "Pniel"...
"But we want to set up a
sheep farm", was the sentence which triggered me .
"My" Bedouins cannot make a simple living by following their ancient
profession,
and the fight with the authorities for land would ruin all what Liri and Stav
believe in.
Liri was triggered-back and since then, January 2010 - there is no contact
between us. [Daniel and Pni-El - first inserted
on January 6, 2012
And lo and behold - "Pni-El", which received
its name only now , was "spared" for 2012.
I rarely meet anyone in Arad, be it by intention or by chance - but within
2 days I met Dafna twice
the second time I was walking towards the pool, while on the phone with impertinent
Jibreel,
Again she did not really relate to my letter, but told about Daniel and said:
"Boris is in the pool, too!"
There we met "swimming like two grandmothers",
as he, who rows through the water, joked,
and then in the hot Sauna ("I know you hate
it","yes, but wouldn't I do for you, Boris",
)
In the evening Daniel came and updated me, and not only about the talk with
the lawyer Tamar Klarfeld: "You must stay in Israel and not leave it
for half a year, and we'll find a way for you to stay permanently." "This means, you can't go to China for a
month, as your German boss wants you to, so what are you choosing?"
"Israel , of course!"he
said with great determination.
This - and other fabulous plans of creative-educative work in/for Arad - means,
"Pni-El" will go on and grow.
And one day, also Liri and Stav will come here, after they'll understand,
that it's not the time for sheep-farms.
"By the way" - talking today about mutual triggering between old
friends: Cornelia wrote
to me, announcing that she would come at the end of May,
noting also, that she had looked for "Sabera", and found Margret
Daehndel, who wrote (on whatever website
C. found her)that she was "a
friend of Rachel Bat-Adam".
Another mutual trigger concerned the
Bedueen teacher-for Hebrew, Jibreel,
but his desire to find hosts in Germany may be fulfilled by the Pni-El Daniel. [See 2 more entries about Jibreel, but spelled as Jibril,
in "Am
I mature and whole?" a song in Jan. 2006, dedicated to him in 2007
and my
desire for him on Oct 11-12. 2009 and already before : on Sept. 21: " My desire is to believe with all my heart
that I planted a seed in the heart of Jibril, the Bedouin teacher,
and that he will "go-out" (exodus) from victimhood to sovereignty".
2013---- It must have been half a year
later, when I understood, that he was using me for his upliftment,
but in his life did everything to pull himself into the dirt. I cut off and
since then do not respond to his phonecalls.
The mutual triggering between Margret and me occurred at the end of 2010,
but in February 2013 she suddenly visited me and it was a true "az nidberu".
)"
DELICIOUS
DELETION 
