The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]


I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"


 


Biographical Sculptures
GRAND MOTHER HOOD

Training for Wrestling with
Tomer
My
Wrestling
with Tomer
Tomer
Towards Completion?
Tomer and the ancient Maccabean Modi'in Hill - Titorah
or
Tomer's "appearance on the backdrop of Nature"

2003_07_02

I want to say thank-you to Tomer, my Titorah companion,
who discovered the simple fact, that the strange name Titorah,
given to this hill by the Israeli Academy for Language ,
hides the word "Torah".
"Torah" in Hebrew," Weisung" in German, is " what shows the way"
The Torah of my Titorah
The Song of Songs and the King's Candle Flower 2002_10_30
 My hill, my path, my trees  :  2002_11_10
 My Figtrees and first encounter with ancient Modi'in                
  My hill, my path, my trees :   2002_10_31
 My Christ-thorn Tree and ancient Modi'in
My hill, my path, my trees: 2002_11_02
 Tracing my path in present & past  
 The Fractals of a Fig Leaf 2002_08_31
The Menorah or the Mulberry Tree: 2003_06_10

First Titorah page

2003_05_07 ; last update; 2003_07_02

 


This is the first time we had tea under THE TREE
on the first "weekend with grandma" in December 2002.
- with his cousins Arnon and Ayelet.

I've called this tree different names : Ziziphus Spinachristi or Christ's Thorn, or Sidra Tree.
But here I'll call it as the children in Israel do: the Dommim-Tree.
(also because I only now discovered, that it's not the mystical Sidra tree of Islam, after all,
but another offspring of the same family, but, yes, believed to have provided Christ's crown)

Does anyone in the Middle East know this orchid-like flower?
I never saw one like that,
not on the Titorah, nor elsewhere,
nor could I find it in my flower books.

It was Tomer, who discovered it,
on April 2, 2003,
4 months after our "intensive" started
and five days before we parted,
and our Titorah idyll came to an end.
It's his hand which touches the orchid.
A flower unique and hidden,
as this child's uniqueness is hidden.


April 7, 2003,
The last picnic under the Dommim-Tree,
together with his friend.
Tomer makes devil horns on grandma's head.
On top of the Titorah: the water reservoir of the town Modi'in
Since Tomer left, I came to hate my path on the Titorah.
It's good, that Tomer did not have to experience it, as it is now.
What am I missing here? Why can't I understand this experience?

I decided to change my approach and leave my saw at home,
to lift my arms above my breasts so they wouldn't get pricked,
and to trample through the weeds to the pool and back from it.

Provided that I strictly focus on my steps,
missing the path can be avoided,
the pricking from all the thorns growing into the path, is limited,
and I don't stumble over the many holes and bumps,
created by the cows, when they trudged through heavy mud,
or left their manure, now looking like a sculpture , on the way.
This is unpleasant, but possible.
The problem is, that soon a certain seed,
a tightly twisted spiral with a vicious hook at its end
will screw itself into sandals, clothes and even skin.
It's called "'ibrat il-ajouz", Mugrabi told me,
"the old woman's needle" or better: "the hag's needle"!
How fitting~~~

I wanted to avoid that.
I have been working so hard, in order to not get into this situation.
But what, if controlling the situation doesn't help?
What, if all this is a troubling analogy to my life?
That I cannot uproot what I don't like on my way,
but must navigate through it carefully and consistently!
For if I skip one day, it will be twice as bad tomorrow.
As the ancient Sages said about the learning of Torah:
yom ta'azvaehah, yomayim ta'azvaeka:
If you desert her for a day, she'll desert you for two days.
Three weeks later - 2003_05_28 - I see,
that this interpretation was altogether wrong
and resulted from my old belief in struggle and strife.
As far as "Tomer" is my Guardian Angel once more,
he laughs me off, strokes my hair with compassion
and thinks to himself:
"You'll get it, soon!"

But I first need to trace the thread of my sculpting 3 weeks ago.

 


This photo with Tomer, taken on my request by his brother,
and which - mysteriously - I chose as background for Contact,
shows the cutting, when I started to make a path from scratch.
Then, in June 2002, the weeds were dry and didn't grow again.
Now in spring 2003 I wanted desperately
to prevent the path from disappearing
I worked like hell to keep up with the speedy growth
of golden, now withering chrysanthemes,
of the proverbal thistles and thorns,
of the many grains, offspring of ancient agriculture.
Tomer and Alon
walking up my path
May 29, 2002


Photos taken by Tomer at dusk, on August 1, 2002. At the same time and place he shot his auto-portraits, which I chose as entry to "Beginnings"

But then I had to quit.
My hands, my saw, my back -
how can they keep up with Nature's energy,
after a winter blessed with so much rain,
filling to the brink the Kinneret, Israel's main water-reservoir,
which had sank to an alarming low, to the extent,
that importing water from Turkey was considered


During the winter,
Tomer and I discarded the path which I'd made in late summer,
because part of it was congruent with the only "official" path.


The "Ofeq" School, which popped up again as "our adversary",
claimed to have adopted this path as their maintenance project.
This expressed in their getting a licence for erecting a "pergola",
and in letting their pupils paint with splurging colors on the stones
with which they unnecessarily and disturbingly lined the clear path.


Tomer and I hated this insensitivity to nature and to make a new path
we connected several of those, which Mugrabi's cows had exposed
until we had achieved a neatly coherent route,
leading from the pool,
where we started our daily Titorah experience,
through the Dommim-Tree, where we had our picnic,
then all the way to the east, meandering through ancient terraces
until the new path ended at my - now even more collapsed fig tree -
from where we walked down - home to my flat,
on the still existing segment of last year's first path.


This, in time, had become fairly convenient for Tomer and me.
Even his friends, first Daniel, and during the last 2 weeks Nir,
did not complain about the thorny, bumpy path, but enjoyed it.


But now I couldn't take any kid there anymore,
not even brave Tomer, would he be still with me..
    


I now think, that it's a "teaching joke" of my "angels',
that they left me with this one memory of my garden.
 I've not one photo of my garden in its unique beauty,
with my 21 rose bushes, loved into hilarious blooming.
 Most photos were taken by my mother in March 1967,
the only colored ones in my kids' childhood and youth.
It was the second time my mother visited me in Israel, and shortly after she was hit by a stroke in the brain,
which - after "Infusions" - transformed into Altzheimer.
She never saw my garden, as it was, when not in chaos

In 1983 I brought her to my city flat in Ramat-Gan,
to take care of her and let her die in my arms (1985).

It seems, that today [2003_05_15] I had an insight.
I had brought Ronnit's 4 kids to the school by taxi,
and to save the money and since I needed to think,
walked back by foot, passing by the pool to swim,
and wanted to walk home the rest of the way by road.

"You've done your duty of walking, just skip the Path!"
said the voice of fear and reason.
But yom ta'azvaehah, yomayim ta'azvaeka -
["if you leave her- the Torah - for one day, she'll leave your for two!"]
I did enter the Path.
And lo! I walked much slower than usual.
And lo! I "recovered" the beauty of the Hill,
its colors transforming into that of ripe wheat!

The Khamseen (days of hot, dry, depressing wind) is gone,
and May is bursting, exuberant like a maiden in love.
No thorns, no Hag's Needles dared to prick my skin.
Only when I got side-tracked searching for my comb,
to put my hair in order before returning to civilization,
my big toe got cut and bled.

The Path offers ever new keys to understand my life.
Like my struggle with completing the "Tomer Pages".
While my "HeArt-Work" about Yael "took" 3 days,
my Driving Backward into the experience with Tomer
which started on the day we learnt we would part,
on that Thursday exactly six weeks ago, on April 4,
on the day of the Shoe-lace and Jacousie Drama -
gets ever more complicated, complex, un-completed.

While savoring every careful step on the Path,
and drinking every celebration of life on the Hill,
I heard Tomer communicating with me:

"Why are you so obsessed with completing me?"

"Because of the pressure of not having completed,
and the shame of others seeing only bits & pieces,
and the fear of your loved ones who threaten me."

"So you work like mad for a future, clear and clean,
and suffer and miss out on the beauty that's NOW!"

I bow my head in despair, can't even spin or sing,
dread, "that I'll never learn it",
to see what I've accomplished this hour, this day,
instead of lamenting over what is not completed.


For 35 years I've been chastising myself.

When I lived in a house in 16 years of marriage
and opened the door to the garden in my care,
I always felt stung by the work not yet done,
instead of rejoicing in what blossomed after all.

"You shall go on driving backward with me.

I am your partner, your Peer, am I not?


"Don't do! don't use a saw to clear the path!

Just walk the path, day by day, step by step!

let them target you, the flying "Hag's Needles",

feel them, remove them, move anger and pain,

and at the same time, in the very same present

enjoy that our path forces you into awareness

and discern and perceive its changing beauty."


2003_05_29
As always I followed my chosen direction
with all my heart and all my soul and all my body.
This is the only way for me to truly see and know,
when I have exhausted a certain direction and path.
And when a different path and direction is called for.

In this case, it was only two or three days later,
that I reached the end of this path and this direction.


The garden-chaos
was not only the result of nature's exuberance.
There were Immanuel and Ronnit and Micha,
innocently enjoying to pick off the heads of flowers

and to trample over new plants -
often in the company
of Sissie, and later she-dogs,
and their many suitors.


Training for Wrestling with Tomer
My
Wrestling
with Tomer
Tomer
Towards Completion?