I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in learning
to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
A
R A R A T - H E A R T
A Vision about Peace
between the Desert Nations in the Middle East
and between Wo/Man and Desert Earth
"Tent
of Appointment",
which might also serve as a first introduction to Succah in the
Desert.
In addition to the Star-of-David shape and the materials used
there,
I watched Avi Dror's system of coving structures with palm-leaves.
It's the latter device, which Hagai may have improved on,
but his method will be tested in the storms to come.
Hagai Lev invents a new method of palmfrond
weaving.
palmfrond weaving
Comparison between two methods:
Avi Dror's in Succah in the Desert
and Hagai Lev's on Rakhaf
I rejoiced in my "partner-trainees"
- they are growing and they are doing great.
Then I entered what I called the "Succah" on "Rakhaf",
a hosting space with a kitchen, just like that big tent, which Hagai
repaired so skillfully.
In the past I invested much effort in adding to it order and beauty.
Now, with Tamir and Hagai, I'm needed no longer.
It
was hard to get Sa'ar to come to my flat
and read my story and approve of my decision. "Of course, you have every right
to choose,
what is in your own best interest, but..."
I couldn't really convince him,
that Tamir and Hagai will take my place,
and that I'm not needed any longer. "Maybe Tamir has a sense of beauty like
you,
but what you do in an hour, he does in two weeks."
Sa'ar gave me no chance to prove to
him, that my "efficiency" always came at too high a
price,
for other people, whom I desired to be my partners, and for my
own wellness and wholeness...
In order
to reach a decision if and how to retreat from "Rakhaf"
I attracted another experience:
"Oh no!" screamed Hagai, when he heard Samir approaching,
"I don't want another Samir-Rachel-party!"
Samir, the Bedouin most involved on Rakhaf, despised us unabashedly:
"What is this: an old woman and a young
guy who doesn't work?!!!"
Since I left Rakhaf to move into my one-room
flat in town, Samir has become nicer.
Whenever we met, he showed great interest in my experiences with Samira's
family.
But Hagai is inflicted with a not yet healed trauma of being identified
with me, the old woman, hated so much by the Bedouin of the Zealots'
valley.
Samir suggested, that I erect my tent at Samira's, for "they
are good people" (implying: they have the courage to welcome
you in their home...)
But
it is not up to me to ask for this.
If this is meant to be, it will happen.
When
I saw Hagai's terror, I hid,
until Hagai drove Samir to Arad as he had asked him to.
When Hagai came back, I asked him to support me.
"To support" means to listen to someone without judging.
I told him all the reasons,
why I shouldn't be here any longer,
because he and Tamir are doing great,
and because Hagai needs to be left alone by me.
"But now tell me yourself
- and I know you will always be truthful with me -
how, if at all. would you like to have me in your life now?"
We were sitting in front of my tent.
ONce it was "our tent",
but now it's only mine.
This is sad, but it is right.
Most of our learning and healing
between August and November 2004
took place because of the two tents,
which Sa'ar wanted us to erect next to mine.
To buy the materials,
to cut the materials,
to sow the tents.....
it was an excruciating process, which
hasn't ended yet.
But I am free now.
It's up to Hagai and Tamir to complete their tents.
It's what they want and it's what Sa'ar wants.
And I now told the three of them,
that I intend to take my tent away by March 13. If Yahia and Samira will not be ready
by then,
I've plenty of storage place on my veranda now.
This gives them the chance to learn from this model
what they still need to learn to make their own model.
Hagai
said:
"Maybe you come once a month to visit
so we can discuss designs."
"You are very good in designing and don't need me for that
either!"
"That is true. But how shall we explain this to Sa'ar?"
Later, when Tamir read my sculpted account of my process,
he expressed his wish, that I should be available,
"whenever and for whatever we"ll
need you."
This I promised.
Sa'ar was very sad, and probably
hurt as when I moved out of the tent
but he said: "We are on one journey,
Rachel",
and tried to accept my decision.
"rikhouf"
means "hovering" like an eagle like in the
second verse of the Bible and in Deuteronomy.32:11, but also "trembling,
shaking" like
in Jeremia 23:9:
"My heart within me is broken, all my bones shake..."
In modern literary Hebrew this leads to meanings
which could describe the
physical movement,
so necessary to heal and to evolve emotions!
Which is one of the two main tools to
heal myself into wholeness,
and - as a hologram - Rakhaf, Israel, Creation...
