| The
Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential P E E R s
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!" |
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I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
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K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
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How
Learn
And |
I
The
Train |
Heal
Conditions
In |
Myself
For
Creating |
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Whole
On
Conditions
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Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily |
Click!
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Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
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It seems that I chose 26 actors
for my life's drama and those 26 actors chose me! One
common trait of all roles is "mutual dependency"
between them and me.
With 16 actors - my family - the mutual
dependency is life-long! With my landlords
at Arad & with my 6 starchildren, born
between 1986-88, it may be temporary.
My children: Immanuel, Ronnit, Micha; my
children-in-love: Efrat, Uri, Ra'ayah; my 10 grandchildren [born
1987-2005): Elah-Alon-Tomer-Mika; Jonathan-Rotem-Yael-Itamar;
Arnon-Ayelet
My landlords: Ofir & Meital+ Lior (2002) & Amit (2005).
My starchildren: Lior Oren, Zipi Winkler , Dina Strat , Meshi
Taib, Gal Mor, Boris Arons [26=YHWH=13+13=ahavah+ahavah =LOVE!]
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Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
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2008
December 06
Kislev
9
SHABBAT
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Actions:
Kisslog: healing-creating
TV & Internet: learning
with I. and M.
to Shoham, Hevel Park
washing dishes
TV reality
"mishpakhah khoreget"
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Interactions:
with Immanuel,
Mika and Efrat
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The FOCUS of MY INTENTION
TODAY
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may
9:40
I desire to live this Shabbat in serene
balance with Immanuel, Efrat and Mika, and with my Self.
I desire that our wishes - expressed by each when uniting the
candle flames - will come true:
Efrat: "that I'll be joyous
again", Immanuel: "that
joy will return to this house",
Grandma: "that Im. blessing
on E.'s birthday will come true and that E. will transform the
curse of the economic situation into a blessing and challenge
and find the work of her desire as an artist in glass."Mika:
"that my leg won't be hurt,
that my head won't be hurt, that my fingers won't be hurt,.." |
from
Immanuel's blessing
to Efrat's
birthday July 5:May
it be,
"that you'll always know
how to balance
your apprehensions,
by being aware of the great
and shared happiness,
which we experience
in between.
There is in our family
a continuous,
lasting beauty,
that will never ever end!""
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hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
8:44
My Body, my Partner,
my God
"....And you'll give SLEEP
preference over any "activity"! "
(see end of kisslog-intro)
I give thanks to you for a "perfect
Shabbat sleep", meaning both
a) that I wasn't woken up by anyone inside or outside the
house
and could sleep for 8 full hours until 8:14
b) that at some time I DID wake up for peeing, as usual, but
fell asleep again -
thus following "Seth's" warning:
[personal reality p.272, see last quote yesterday]
and meant to be recalled, is
not remembered
-
I'm grate-full for a relatively harmonious
afternoon and evening yesterday.
I'm grate-full that I pushed my idea, that father & son
should take a long walk,
while I would walk slowly (humbly...) with Mika in the streets.
I'm grate-full, that Alon & I managed to talk a bit, despite
our embarrassment.
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Finetuning
to my Present
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Let's
say thanks
to the earth
which makes everything grow
with love,
to the sun, which gives the light,
to the rain, which waters [mashkaeh]
and waters
[marvaeh],
and to God who creates
everything anew every day.
May our meal be blessed. |
"Let's
bless", said Mika,
when we sat down for breakfast,
and we all sang little Lior's & my "Birkat
ha-Mazon" [see March
23 and March 24]
Though I was involved in singing,
I grabbed my camera from the piano, but in the hurry
- missed part of Mika,
and though she already stretched out her hands
in order to close our circle towards the last line of
the blessing,
I took another photo, and then hurried
to take the open hands of Mika to my right and Immanuel
to my left.
"May our meal be blessed."
Only the camera discerned, that
Efrat scratched her head
instead of taking the hand of her husband.
Sometimes photos reveal too much....
When I now opened March
24, I was shocked to see - that the image I chose
for that altar
symbolizes Immanuel's sadness in his first marriage,
and my heart feels squeezed....
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Finetuning
to my Present
9:49
I'd just completed this "altar"
, when I heard that someone washed the dishes.
I rushed to the kitchen ("rushing" is difficult with
my injured leg ), it was my son.
"but you promised not to touch it,
until I would do it this morning",
"I want to make breakfast, I can do it,
I controlled myself not to do it yesterday night"
"But a promise is a promise" , "Don't make an
issue of it!"
"But I am angry, for it means that I cannot rely on you
and next time I'll rush to wash the dishes right away".
[Background: for almost 2 years I fought
for my "right" to wash the dishes in this house, almost
the only "chore" I am ever allowed to do, and 2 days
ago I said:
"From now on, whenever I'm here,
I'll be the one who washes the dishes. Period!"
They smiled and I wasn't sure, if they
agreed.]
and I left, before the old story, which
was triggered, would come up in his presence:
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Driving
Backward
It was in our second year of marriage, before the house
was expanded
and we still slept in that room close to the kitchen
(which stayed tiny - till the end...).
My husband had allowed me to not wash the dishes after
Shabbat dinner,
but when in the morning - around 8 o'clock - I still
wanted to cuddle in bed,
he rushed to the kitchen like a furious tempest, smashed
two of the pretty glass dessert bowls from his grandmother
and screamed I don't want to remember what....
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My son definitely is not angry at me.
And my finetuning does not relate to the past but to the question,
if I really should carry out my threat:
"since I can't rely on your promise, I'll always .."
This would be following the old pattern
of righteousness...
and taking revenge by manipulating people into feeling guilty.
I now went out again- wanting to take
a photo of my dish-washing son.
The camera wasn't where I thought I had put it last night.
And when I found it - on the piano - dish-washing was finished.
While Immanuel prepared coffee on his machine,
I tried to win his ear to let me work on these two things:
the old trauma and the pattern of "taking everything to
heart".
But when he laughingly agreed and I had said just the first
sentence,
he got a phone-call from Tomer
(Tomer's cellphone had fallen from
his sweatshirt pocket into the toilet,
and though it still worked, Abba advised him how to let it drie
first)
and I walked away, since such an interruption
always signals:
"Stop talking!"
After breakfast it was Efrat, who forbade
me to wash the dishes.
I lost the battle.
Efrat: "You are not owning
this department!"
Which means, that my assertiveness concerning
washing the dishes failed....
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Then the three of us "go out"
- we drive to Shoham, for lack of attractive parks at Bet Nehemia,
Abba and Mika fly a kite " the Magician", they dance
to Immanuel's music,
and they circle and swing on the playground. See tomorrow
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Finetuning
to my Present
Mika, shortly
before we wanted to go home: "Abba,
let's swing!"
She said this with great exhilaration and it was clear to me,
that she remembered the "swinging celebration" yesterday,
and wanted to repeat it.
Abba; "But I don't think that there
is a swing for me too". So he helped Mika to swing,
Since there didn't seem to be anything special in a man helping
a little child to swing, I didn't take a picture,
especially since it was a bit painful to get up and walk.
But then I suddenly discerned - from far away - that there indeed
was something special:
four fathers swinging four children.
I quickly got up and as quickly as I could, crossed the distance,
but it was too late,
one father just took his baby off the swing and walked towards
me, and in the next moment Mika too had enough.
Luckily I caught one photo, though from too great a distance.
Immanuel: "[only]
now that we've been here for half
an hour (in reality perhaps 10 min.),
you come along (to take photos?)"
"I didn't intend to take any photos
and now came only because I saw four fathers with four toddlers
under one tent."
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Later I wondered, why it had been important
for my son that I catch this scene too,
despite the many photos I had taken yesterday
and despite the constant clicking of my camera when they flew
the kite.
Though he once appreciated me for taking photos of him with
Mika,
since usually he is the one who photographs and doesn't appear
on photos,
there were also times, when he became angry at my constant clicking.
And because of his sadness,
that I missed the situation with him among the other swinging
fathers,
I am sad too.
It is a sensing, a feeling, which I cannot explain rationally.
In any case, "when in doubt, leave it out", is not
always the right practice.
I've said this so often, when people refrain from asking "personal
questions".
always quoting my metaphor of Parzival
(Parsifal) and Lohengrin.
How does this apply to photographing?
It's better, that someone will be angry at me for having taken
a picture,
than sad for my having refrained from doing so.
Is this another of my "ridiculous" problems and "ridiculous"
feelings?
Then be it!
In the Hevel Park I became even more aware of the meaning of
my handicapped walking,
because of the pains in both - the left back of the knee, and
the right groin.
It literally forces me "le-hatzne'ah lekhet:", to
"walk humbly with my God in the world". 
[
Micah 6:8] |
More of yesterday's sequence on the Bet Nehemya
playground:
Swinging: Mika helps Abba, Mika on Abba's lap, Mika and Abba side
by side
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We go home, and home is illuminated
- - - for now...
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bad
photos
(I forgot to set "flash")
but a good atmosphere,
before Alon
is returned to Tel-Aviv by his father. |
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2008
December 06
Kislev
9
SHABBAT
|
|
|
Actions:
Kisslog: healing-creating
TV & Internet: learning
with I. and M.
to Shoham, Hevel Park
washing dishes
TV reality
"mishpakhah khoreget"
|
Interactions:
with Immanuel,
Mika and Efrat
|
|
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete 
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
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