hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

7:15
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to your readiness to heal
all the organs and functions
which are involved in this coughing.
I give thanks to our breathing,
which will be free despite the fear of coughing
and to our forehead, which will dilute the percussions of the coughing,
instead of cramping in on them
I give thanks to our ring-muscles,
eyes, nose, mouth, anus, bladder, hands, feet,
which will help to heal the coughing
or at least prevent other organs from reacting .
I give thanks to you
for being able to undertake this tedious traveling today.

[no time to express my grate-full-ness to so many things and people]

Will Maya's parents discern later,
whose hands are trying to communicate with their baby?
A different hand on each of the following images!

I played with Maya (spirals),
I sang with Maya
(im terdi le-yam ha-maelakh, my song for Arnon)
and a song for her: Mai-maiya, Mai-maiya, mai-maya-mai-may
a new version of my soothing song for baby Yael:
Yaelka-Yaelka-Yaelka-Yael - to the tune of a German folksong)
and we played a"koakh" - strength - game,
i.e. I threaded my second finger into her clasped fingers
and pulled mine out so slowly, that hers could test
how long they could grasp mine, or hold on to,
before my finger would escape hers.

But to me - the form of this celebration with its four boring courses of a meal
and the show of an out-of-place magician,
whom we at our table could not "enjoy" anyway,
since it was too far away and the accustics in that hall a disaster -
proved, that not everything was healed.
And it was only through my soul-talk with Maya, that I understood it.
But how come, that I was granted this "soul-talk",
a Hebrew expression which Ayelet used, when she once passed us by,
without knowing, that it was a "soul talk" literally,
i.e. a talk between me and Maya's Higher Self.

While the guests kept streaming in, including Immanuel
(Efrat and Mika wanted to spend 2 1/2 days at Efrat's parents in Acco,
and had to catch the last train on this Shabbat-Eve,
while Micha and Ronnit found pretexts for not coming at all)
and we were sitting down somewhere, not knowing any of the people,
Levi came to our table and introduced a couple:
"They've arrived from Boston 2 hours ago
and will stay in Israel for a year.
I know them, because I've done work with this woman,
a project which combined dancing, music and painting for children,
so that you, Rachel, can hear about yet another aspect of my work,
which you don't know."
I understood, that he wanted us to entertain each other.
Though there was no loud music, I could not understand,
what the woman was asking or telling,
so I left the talking to Immanuel,
hoping he would somehow enjoy himself.
But when the part of that "magician" came, he said :
"What happened to Levi?"
And I felt pained and ashamed for Levi's sake.

It was long before the end, that Immanuel and the couple left,
"You'll be stuck here", he worried,
but since it was already decided, that Levi would bring me to Bet Nehemya,
there was nothing to be done.
Nor did I want to shorten my stay.
"Wenn schon, denn schon", -
this German idiom has entered the Hebrew language: "im kvar- az kvar", meaning in this case:
since I was determined from the beginning,
to honor Levi and Ayelet by my coming,
despite the 4 1/2 hours travel from Arad to Hod-Hasharon,
I wanted to be the first to come and the last to go.

While sitting idly at that table, not even enjoying any of the food
(I won't waste my time - the time of now writing and of later reading -
by describing the details of the food and drinks and even the toilet...)
I was talking inside: "I understand that I must live this through,
but - like my desire of healing the cough and the pain in my stomach -
was fulfilled, couldn't I find a way of living this through with less plight?"
The answer came, when Immanuel and the couple had left:
I took a chair and moved it to the little bed, in which the baby slept.
While I enjoyed her, looking at her, talking to her in my mind,
she woke up.
And from then on - for at least an hour - I communicated with her.
Many people, mostly women and girls,
came to let themselves be nourished by Maya's sweetness,
and to appreciate her resemblance to Levi
(Ayelet: "finally we have a Moroccan in our family!")
and the way she responded to talk and touch - with a smile.
But most of the time we were alone with each other:
I told her, how I was feeling,
and she made me understand:
"See, Rachel, despite all the enormous successes of my father
(he and Ayelet now run a business with 300 dance-facilitators,
while he is still expanding his research on
"dance as a means to lower violence in schools")
the pain of "Cain" never leaves:
To feel that he is "somebody" ,
he has to put up this pompous, expensive show."

"But why does he bring in a ridiculous magician,
instead of letting us take part in his own art,
his fantastically developed art of dancing,
dancing for ordinary people and pupils?"

(Later when Levi brought me to Bet Nehemya, he mentioned,
how he now wants to rest more, and that in fact he always knew
how to balance between utmost creativity and rest.
"I sometimes - in the house of one of my women -
would get up in the morning
only to eat a little and then go back to sleep for the entire day.
For always when I rest, I renew myself.
I know then where to change, where to expand -"
"and probably also where to limit" , I inserted,
"I would call it: 'where to focus more'".
I was surprised to hear this correct discernment and told him so.)

Back to what "Maya" said:
"He brought the magician in,
because all the crowds he wanted to invite,
would not understand who he really was
and what he really accomplished.
He chose the pattern of such show celebrations
in order to feel that he is "somebody".
Please do not judge him and be glad,
that I, his daughter, so much loved by my parents, so much cared for,
will not have any reason to perpetuate that Cain-reaction."

I remembered another event, the only event in fact,
which took place in this hall - as it was then, in the seventies.
(Tell about Sa'uda and the Bar-Mitzvah of Offer.. I did this only in Febr. 2014!.)

Mother Expression Will and the Void -a Discussion with "God" in 1999_09_25

..........
I am often greatly empowered from within
and have many times found a way to express the spiritual point of view
regardless of the level of consciousness of the audience or the people involved.

This impulse becomes so strong that I feel I must act on it.
When I do that I feel aglow and immensely fulfilled,
and I know that being a loving and outspoken mouthpiece for Spirit is what my existence is all about.

quoted in :Appendices>Biblical Sculptures>How can I , Cain, heal my Pain?
The difficulty resulting from this is
that I have often not been received.
In situations where I spoke to an audience, or many people,
the measurable response did not matter whatsoever,
but among friends and family and with my husband,
their non-receptivity of what I put forth
has by far outweighed the times when I felt received.

I could say also
that being received
seems to be inversely proportionate to the wisdom of my offering:
generally, the more trivial the offering, the greater the receptivity and vice versa.

I so long to live from the highest within me and be received...
and because this has been so lacking I end up withholding this higher impulse.
I end up holding it in the body
and I feel that the physical problems involving my abdomen
are related to holding back this energy that wants to flow through me.

Because I've made myself sick with this
and have suffered with it for about 8 years now,
at times I hate myself for it.
My lowered self-esteem and imperfect bodily condition
have made it difficult for me to seek meaningful opportunities
to express the Loving Light of Spirit publicly
and in my continued interaction with my husband
and most of the people in my life I feel I am not received.

I realize now how angry I am at them,
for I have always received them
and held the space for them to express and move toward healing
and yet I feel they have for the most part not been willing or able to do that for me.

I am beginning to feel
that because I am not received when I vibrate from my essence,
I may be destroying my body by withholding the energy,
and maybe losing my essence to the Void.

If there are no takers for what I offer,
for how long can I continue to hold myself within
without losing the will to be.
If there is no space for me to vibrate in, and evolve in,
how can I keep myself in existence?
This is very hard for me
for I so long to be who I am
and be received as such,
and grow~~~

Could it be that because there has been little or no receptivity for the Will polarity by the Spirit,
or in this world,
Will has not been able to keep herself vibrating (expressing) as much as she needed,
and through this lack of vibration
would She not tend to dissipate and become lost to non-existence?

"This is Spirit.
Yes, there is much of the Will
that has become lost or separated from the main body of the Mother,
and some has even stopped vibrating.
Both of your ideas about this are true.
And you have raised a most important issue,
that of being received or not.
Love is experienced in acceptance and inclusion, in being received.
And this is the agenda of Loving Light and Free Will.

"Denial is experienced in rejection, exclusion, or not being received. ....

"The experiences you are having on the outside
are reflections of the state of affairs going on within you.

As your human Spirit finds its own denials and becomes parental to them,
your human Will finds herself trusting your spirit
and its reflections in the outer world enough to begin moving,
first alone in the safety of your own acceptance,
and then in the safety of the outer reflections of that acceptance.

I would be most grateful to receive Your viewpoint on this, along with any guidance and help.

"My advice is to take your time and go easy,
be sure that you yourself trust both your Spirit and Will essences
to find each other in Heart.
Body can help guide you here by showing you how to release her imprints.
Structure often helps in this work,
and it's good to go through the four steps to wholeness as a routine.

"Use the four steps to help you move the emotions
that are being held in your lower chakras,
with initial attention to judgment release.
Move on your own at first, alone.
Then test the results of your movement on your husband and the others who matter to you.
But please find the certainty of your own acceptance
before looking for it in others."

........

also in "Body is God"
The healing work is coming to deeper and much more serious levels
than has been seen before on Earth.
Balance and presence in Body
are the keys to healing in the deep.

"Also, please take care to preserve the good Light you have in abundance,
by not giving it away where it cannot be received.
And take care to open with loving caution the deeper layers of your Will
that you are now gaining access to."

.....
If there are times when no love or Light can be felt or seen,
you know that it is only temporary.
The healing into wholeness you desire
is happening even in the darkness that still remains.
And thank you for sharing your experiences and insights."