I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
August
23/ Av 22, SHABBAT, 9th day after "the Death of my Righteousness
& Perfectionism" - at
Bet Nehemya , with Immanuel, Lior Oren, evening: Tomer Parting from my
obsession to complete this page--- on September 2, updated on
November 2
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may! 8:46 [after the
draft of the sculpture in pictures and words about the
celebration of Maya's birth in the halls of the "Sharon-Estate] I desire to enjoy a Shabbat
of
with Lior Oren
I desire that Immanuel and his work will not be disturbed by
our presence, but enriched.
I desire to awarely live - and share with Lior - my constant
shame about "talking too much"
and - in this talking - exhibit much of my pain - totally understood-accepted,
but not healed -
about "not being received" (see)by
family, friends, the world (Lior saw my book
"All
Israel") I desire, that the togetherness
with Tomer in the evening will be fruitful and harmonious.
I searched for images to the sentence:
"talk among each other "
and came across this painting (?) within an
article by June Underwood
about "how certain works of art “talk” to each
other",
within your own mind, is there a visual ecology among the artworks
you love,
where they feed one another? ...
Which works can be put together without canceling one another
or without one bullying the other?
What allows works to converse in a meaningful way ...?
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
9:42 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to your listening to my quest yesterday:
the cough suddenly and almost entirely disappeared,
and the pain in my stomach receded the more the train moved
on.
My nose started to run in the middle of sleep,
but its development was so mild, that now it seems to be gone
already.
Only this morning I needed one more pill "against"
(sorry!) the cough,
and now I feel healthy and whole.
In other words - if I, too, still need an "influenza"
once a year,
then its symptoms are so easy, that I'm even welcoming them
in order to feel - by contrast - how you keep recovering more
and more.
I'm grate-full for the complex of experiences yesterday,
and for the contrast between a situation in which I didn't
want to be
and the scene with baby Maya which seemed to have been set
up by her
as the real meaning of that pompous food-consuming "celebration".
I'm grate-full for the "togetherness of peers",
which I feel with Lior,
and which I interpret as an "advance payment" of
the realization
of "Heart's" and my yearning for "and
there will be indeed another"
Hebrew
poems by Jehuda Halevi this poem is listed on this
site as"yomam va-laila" but not quoted
Franz Rosenzweig in Jehuda Halevi's poem "Licht"
quotes the 12th century poet as quoting the biblical Job: Auf welchem Weg verteilt sich das Eine Licht
in der Welt..
Job
38:24 By what way is the light parted, or the east
wind scattered upon the earth? Job
38:24 King James Version By what way is the light parted, which scattereth
the east wind upon the earth? Job
38:24 New International Version What is the way to the place where the lightning
is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
Isn't this the great, great question,
how the One Light appears in billions of colors,
Or how the One Sun appears in billions of rays?
or how the One Ocean moves in billions of waves?
Finetuning with Lior Oren
First I shared with Lior
my insight - which came up after Boris'
second visit
and his question: "Am I(as
one of the starchildren)not a
peer for you, am I not one
with whom your "nidberu"(talking
among each other)can fulfil itself?".
So I said to Lior: "There is no true "nidberu"
between me
and my children and my grandchildren,
nor can there be one, exactly because parents and children can
NOT be peers,
it's forbidden, that they be peers.
The same is true for me and the four of my landlord family:
There is mutual dependency and deepening trust in all practical
matters,
but there MUST NOT be more than that.
While as with you the SIX starchildren,-
and I wonder more than ever,
how I am allowed to have you Six in my life,-
it is different and I only now understand how it IS.
" Recently I said to you -
as I said to Tzippi, when I asked her to
freeze our relationship, and she said yes,
but she didn't change a thing in her coming, listening and talking, and exactly
this was a proof for me that she really is a "peer",
one who "stands up to me"-
that you and I cannot be peers,
since you are so young, which means, that you have to stretch
out your tentacles into all directions,
in order to take in
as much and as different information and experience as possible.
If we would be peers now already,
the input from me would overwhelm everything else,
you would become like me and not yourself!" (Rosenzweig once wrote, that everyone
needs at least two teachers,
like in nature - almost all creatures have two parents,
"Parthenogenesis"
- the birth from a virgin - occurs only rarely )
"The other reason, why we can't be peers today, is
that your circumstances do not allow for ongoing communication,
in order to heal, learn, grow and perhaps create together.
But now, after my - though sporadic but intense - communication
with Tzippi
and the renewed contact with Boris and with you,
I understand, that there can happen "nidberu" at specific
points in time.
And the experience then is like an "advance payment"miqdamah of what will come true for me in some
future."
Then we identified the
characteristics of such temporary "peership":
mainly the absolute truthfulness of what we feel in each moment,
both each of us towards ourselves and each of us towards each
other.
Like that example of the "timtum-trigger" some days
ago. [where did I tell about that?] Or the minute you came yesterday:
We shared our fears of either burdening each other
or not telling each other, when we wanted to be alone
or when we no longer wanted to talk or to listen.
Later Lior told,
how horrible her life was in that army course,
which she so much had striven to get into.
She is now being taught what she soon has to teach a group of
11 women:
taking care of casualties,
soldiers who become sick or handicapped
NOT by army activities, NOT by battle or terror occurrences
"I'm together with 3 people, with
whom there is no common language at all.
The girl, next to whom I lie at night, and get up in the morning
and have to be with her all through the day....!
I can't even have a long enough break in the fitness room,
for she is not fit and doesn't deem it important,
so when she thinks some "work" should be done
in the frame of our assignment,
I too am forced to prefer "work" instead of taking
a break for my body."
After we had gone again through the question,
if it is right for here to be in that "training-arena",
even though she cannot figure out the purpose for her growth,
she mentioned - faintly, not clearly - that all might change
in a week,
when the trainees will arrive and she'll be the commander of
11 girls,
whom she'll train herself, not together with that horrible other
girl. "but I'm also scared - it's pressuring,
I don't know if I'm able etc. etc."
I could see her dire weakness and gave
her, what I later saw
like a "Torah from Sinai for you":
"Before you talk about your fear, which is totally understandable,
and which has to be vibrated as well as integrated into your
doing,
you must first phrase your intention, your desire,
as I do in general and as I reinforce every morning."
I told her how "the way is the goal", my crucial insight
in the Alps in 1974,
and my slogan: Know exactly what
you want....both in English and
in Hebrew, so that the dire experiences in her present
with those "co"-workers
and her fears of the future with being a commander of 11 trainees,
would not water down or even wipe out what she came for to this
course,
which was - as she admitted faintly - "to
be able to change something" . I could well see the challenge in being
not only a teacher for 3 months,
but a commander-teacher, which means, she will have much more
authority
than I ever had,
and she would be with 11 human beings day and night ,
while the most I ever was permitted to be,
was to teach people once a week for 9 months,
and it took most of them the entire time until they realized: "What a pity that we grasped you
only at the end
and wasted all the months in the beginning by not..."
I said, I even envied her for that
chance,
and that it didn't really matter,
what the "subject-matter" of what she had to teach
the girls was,
there would be enough opportunity to give herself to them.
So I suggested that she write down:
1) What is it that you want to come
out with from the training of the girls,
both in practical skills as in capacities to cope with your
life
2) What is it that you want the girls to come out with from
your training
both in practical skills as in capacities to cope with their
lives.
3) What are your fears and how are you going to vibrate them
continuously?
Then you sit down each morning and focus
on the specific intentions of that day, 1) What is it that you want to come
out with from your training the girls today, both in practical skills as in capacities
to cope with your life.
2) What is it that you want the girls to come out from your
training today
both in practical skills as with concern to capacities to
cope with their lives,
3) What is it you want to enjoy today,
or who is it with whom you want to enjoy today.
4) What are your fears and how are you going to vibrate them
"in-between"?
When I stopped and waited for her response,
it was "wishy-washy" and not to the point.
I listened for a long while, and only when nothing came,
and I realized that she was escaping into her fears.
This she readily admitted: "After the enormous disillusion
which I experienced during these weeks
with those "co"-workers
I simply have lost all my motivation and can't even remember,
why I wanted this course so much and what I wanted from it."
I suggested, that we should part now for some time,
and that she should write down what she wanted: "I've given you a kind of Torah
from Sinai,
and every additional word would water it down." She agreed - Immanuel gave her a sheet
to put on Tomer's bed
and she stayed with herself,
until she had enough and came in to see all the gifts from
my Sixteen
and to bring her own gift: a disc with songs she had transferred
to it for me.
We heard the songs together, and she helped me to search for
the lyrics, "though for me the lyrics are not
so important". Some songs were beautiful, while at
least half of them had the kind of beat
which pisses me off totally.
Luckily Immanuel told her, that he loved all the songs,
and even has them among his own music folders,
and right now - while Lior is preparing "Shakshuka"
for the three of us,
as she had proposed - he listens to those songs.
I was a bit sad, that - again - when it comes to music,
I am "of a different generation", or so people say.
We didn't have music when we were children or young,
we couldn't get used to a lot of different genres et. etc.
and I have decided again and again,
that concerning music I'll not endeavor to open myself up,
there is so much else to do in life.
But on the other hand, I feel sad,
if and that I can't enjoy what my starchildren enjoy,
or my grandchildren, or even my children!
I told her, that I want a give a chance to her songs
and hear each several times before deleting it...
Lior
suggested to make Shakshuka for the three of us.
It was the only time, we were sitting together, son, mother
and mother's guest,
who is a year younger than son's eldest daughter...
"O
look", shouted Immanuel,
when he discerned
the couple
of doves
in the violet tree
outside the fence.
Tomer arrived from Bne-Arazim. "She is
like Tzippi!" I told him,
but the time was too short to make both throw away their masks....
At 20:13 Immanuel brought Tzippi to her bus to Jerusalem and then
to the Alon settlement,
while Tomer "took possession" of me together with the computer
, or the other way round....
We listen again to the fantastic song, which
Tomer taught me last week: Amir Benayoun: With me you defeat everything
The Sound of
Silence
P. Simon, 1964 [See Simon's and Garfunkel's
MIDIs]
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written
on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence
I am a Rock
P. Simon, 1965
[midi 1] , [midi
2], [midi 3]
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock
I am an island
Don't talk of love
Well I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
Du bist Meer, ich nichts denn
Welle
Du die Sonne, ich der Strahl
Eine Farbe aus Milliarden
Deines bunten, reichen Spektrums
Eins sind Wir trotz Raum und Zeit
Eins sind Wir trotz Raum und Zeit
Was ich fuehle, ist Dein
Fuehlen
Was ich denke, schaffen Wir
Scham und Schande, Schuld undScheitern
zeugen Heilung und Erkennen
Eins sind wir in Lieb und Leid
Eins sind wir in Lieb und Leid.
You are Ocean, I'm nothing but
wave,
you are the Sun, I am the ray,
One color from among a billion
of your colorful, rich spectrum
One are We in Space and Time
One are We in Space and Time
What I feel, is your feeling
What I think, We create
Shame and disgrace, guilt and failure
beget healing and understanding
One are we in love and pain
One are we in love and pain
I searched for images to the sentence:
"talk among each other "
