The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

The FOCUS of MY INTENTION TODAY

Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what may!
8:21
I desire to bring along with my whole being - the feelings of terror, anger and grief,
trapped in my decision at midnight to cancel the RedSeaTour [a code from now on!]
and trapped in conveying this decision to the parents of Yael, Rotem & Arnon at 1 A.M.

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

9:04
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to you for having been so patient with me,
when I kept imposing on you superhuman efforts for most of my life.

I am immensely grate-ful to Efrat, my daughter-in-love,
for having acted - not "as an angel on the abyss",
but as an angel who prevented me from continuing my way towards the abyss!
I am grate-ful to Yael, who reminded me so strongly of my Pyrennees-Lesson,
and 'prepared me' for my decision with her sentence in her essay "My Journey"
"Sometimes it's worthwhile to give up. To go back.
To understand that the experience did not become realized
as I wanted it to."
I am grate-full to the actors in this episode of my drama, especially Micha,
for having taken the role of triggering me and awakening me into awareness!
I am grate-full for the supportive "signs from heaven":
the elimination of my idea, that we could sleep in Ilana Offer's house in Eilat,
the surprising connection to the Internet, after 4 hours of its disappearance,
which made me scuplt-send my decision before I would get cut off again [as now!]
I am grate-full for the time-space of these 9 hours in which to deepen my lesson,
and thanks for rediscovering R.M. Rilke's message, why I need "to hide in his face".

I opened the 3 pages of "Is this really a God-victorious journey?"
There I juxtaposed a danger-less spiritual mass pilgrimage in 2007
with my lonely pilgrimage in 2001, by foot with 17 kg equipment.
The quotes from my Hebrew diary are followed by this message:

The lesson was and is:
"You chose the wrong path.
You lost your way in the snow,
you understood that you needed to descend,
to reach the snow-free area of the mountain.
But you headed towards the opposite slope.
You never considered the obvious direction:
to go back and down, from where you came.

"This has been your life's direction since 1995:
Stop going forward, cease to manifest,
drive backward into the future,
heal and harvest your past,
heal into wholeness,
for only when you are whole,
embracing all you are and all you have experienced,
will you be able to manifest creations which are whole."

"By chance", the juxtaposition on my site
ends with the question to my Body:
"Didn't I promise you, that I would never leave you?
Is it now YOU who are leaving ME?"
"Body kept silent, knowing,
that we had to go through a terrible lesson,
but that we would not leave each other by dying."

Immanuel and Tomer were just about to leave for the flight to Los Angeles - for 8 days!
when they became witnesses of my screaming at Micha on the phone.
Though Efrat and he had only a slight idea about my plan with the RedSeaTour,
they understood rightaway, that I had done it again: succumbed to my Yes-pattern:
"at kol-kakh tzfuyah" - you are so expectable!
"You are a person who can "take it all" (in Hebrew: "to soak it in" like a sponge).
That makes it impossible for people to grow in your presence."
And after the hugging and kissing between the parting men and the staying women,
Efrat took me to the veranda (11 PM!), where she wanted to smoke a cigarette.
In time I could see clearly, how I had become entangled again
in what Harvey Jackins - in an International Workshop about Re-evaluation Counseling - pointed out to me in 1978:
"You always try to make it easy for people, that's why they despise you!"
And Efrat: "What would happen, if you would cancel the whole thing?"

At the end of Efrat's work with me I was determined to do the "impossible, incredible, unforgivable"
- to disappoint my grandchildren for the first time in their lives and to admit towards their parents,
that I had done it again, entangled myself in the complications which followed from a loving idea
and made life difficult also for all people involved.
Despite my fear and anger and sadness I also felt relieved and even proud of my new ability,
to not be reliable!

It was then, that I saw the connection
to the stormy interaction with my 3 friends in the Beit-Shean Valley:
In both cases I have to let go of what Efrat suspects as a hidden "ego-mania",
sticking to my commitment!
Isn't "commitment" a value taught by everyone who believes to know what is right?
Why is it that in this life of mine I have to constantly learn ~~~
~~~ the opposite of what everyone thinks is an absolute value?

As if to affirm the connection between
the journey I was invited to undertake to 3 friends near the Lake of Tiberias,
[I'll call this scene in my drama "Neve-Eitan" according to the place where they live]

and the journey to the Read Sea, on which I planned to take 3 grandkids ,
I now got an SMS from Tamir:
"Only affirm that you got my message!"
the message in which he praised my being triggered by him as being "an orchard for flowers to bloom".

So I answered: "I received it, but I won't react.
The distance does not allow for working together on triggers.
This is not the time for us.
"be-yadkha ittotai" "In your hand are my times", Psalm 31:15
[see my song with verses from this psalm, including "be-yadkha ittotai"]

Then, during our time in the fieldschool of Ein-Gedi
the tents had to wait, until one of them found a place
in Tamir's magnificent, shortlived new David Succah,

While Rotem (then not yet 8) and Itamar (3)
visited me alone, when they felt like doing so.
Jonathan - then not yet 10 - and Yael - not yet 5
are seen here sitting in my tent
only because their mother came with them.
It was in February 2001,
when she finally wanted to document
this strange situation:
grandma living in a tent in her garden....

When I asked for permission towards November 2000,
since I could no longer stay with Immanuel & Efrat ,
nor could we find a flat for me, which we all could pay for,
Ronnit agreed without hesitation,
but for Uri, my son-in-love, it was incredibly difficult.
"It has not yet been forgiven!"
I heard Efrat saying recently - by accident ...

I knew, I didn't really give him a choice,
also because 4 years earlier, when I had a little money,
I gave him a huge gift "for your new garden"...

E. said:
"everything is alright except for your apology!
They'll learn nothing"
But she understood when I explained;
"I must differentiate between
what I want to learn from this situation,
and what they should learn from it.
Going back on a decision, a plan, a promise,
especially a promise to a grandchild,
and even more so a gift to a grandchild's Bat-Mitzvah
is such an enormous step for me,
that I didn't want to burden myself with a difficult reaction
from my children or my grandchildren.
I therefore worked hard to find words
which would be absolutely free of blame,
yes, I added an apology,
thus admitting that I was to be blamed,
so they won't have a chance to blame me on their part."

{Zwi Zohar, a friend in the seventies,
once pointed out to me this kind of manipulation:
"You constantly blame yourself ,
so as to not give anyone else the chance to blame you."
But I cannot find anything wrong
in protecting myself this way.)

Sharing what each one has gathered...

 

 

Sharing also the water I've brought with me

In this situation I got an SMS from "Neve-Eitan", from Tamir,
a response to my SMS yesterday:
"This is simply a pretext!
What a pity that you are not capable of standing behind your teaching
[that "triggers have to be worked on"],
from which we draw living water together every day...
With an open heart and a soul yearning forever ... your partner Tamir.".

I could find several things to judge here,
but the point was to release the judgment,
that I have to be understood
or that I have to be right and righteous.
It is of no use to let triggers help us to heal ourselves,
if there is no physical togetherness,
leave alone a mutual dependency as in a family.
I had to learn this lesson over and over and over again.
So I let them go.
There will be a time for us in the future, but it is not now!...

While digesting what I read,
Mika said she needed to pee.
She found herself a comfortable way of crouching,
holding on to the bars of the zigzag path.
It turned out, that "peeing" in this case meant shitting.
There are some words she simply refuses to use,
and 'shitting' is one of them.
Since this activity always takes some time,
she invited Dolev to join her and so he did.
In the end I had to find a way to pick up the two results,
From now on I'll always take a few of Nella's dog-shit nylon bags with us!

Then came the moment of a quarrel, which I had foreseen.
After they had run up and down the zigzag path,
Mika saw a long thin branch, with a cluster of flowers at its end.
It stood out from a young tree on the side of our street,
and since someone would have to cut it off anyway,
I broke it and gave it to Mika. But alas! what about Dolev!
I was in no mood whatsoever to calm them down.
So luckily I discovered another such branch and broke it off.
Now each one had a broom to sweep the zigzag path,
until we reached the upper end, just below the sunflower garden.
There I showed them the wall with the passiflora flowers and frutis,