Prologue: The Body As Healer
[Compare puzzle piece 9 of "God has evolved":
Body is the Master Healer of Creation]

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"The body is the shore on the ocean of being"
Sufi, anonymous

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The vehicle through which we experience ourselves as organisms

is the "felt sense".

The felt sense is a medium through which we experience

the fullness of sensation and knowledge about ourselves.

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"Developmental trauma" … can result in symptoms
that are similar to and often intertwined with those of shock trauma.

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If you keep a portion of your attention on your reactions to the material
[in this book],
your organism will guide you along at the proper pace.

Body sensation,
rather than intense emotion,
is the key to healing trauma.
.. In the healing of trauma, a transformation takes place –
one that can improve the quality of life.
.. When you understand how trauma occurs
and when you learn to identify the mechanisms
that prevent it from resolving,
you will also begin to recognize the ways
in which your organism attempts to heal itself.
By using a few simple ideas and techniques,
you can support rather than impede this innate capacity for healing….
While trauma can be hell on earth,
trauma resolved is a gift of the gods
– a heroic journey that belongs to each of us.

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Chapter I: The Body as Healer

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Nature has developed the immobility response
for two good reasons.
One, it serves as a last-ditch survival strategy. …
Secondly, in freezing,
the impala (and human) enters an altered state
in which no pain is experienced.

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The key to healing traumatic symptoms in humans
is in our physiology

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wild animals shake out
and pass through the immobility response
and become fully mobile and functional again.
… When confronted with a life-threatening situation,
our rational brains may become confused
and override our instinctive impulses. …
– the Medusa Complex
As in the Greek myth,
the human confusion that may ensue when we stare death in the face
can turn us to stone.
We may literally freeze in fear,
which will result in the creation of traumatic symptoms.
… because we are instinctual beings
with the ability to feel, respond, and reflect,
we possess the innate potential
to heal even the most debilitating traumatic injuries. …
as a global human community
we can begin to heal from the effects of large-scale social traumas
such as war and natural disaster.

It's about Energy:
Traumatic symptoms
are not caused by the "triggering" event itself.
They stem from the frozen residue of energy
that has not been resolved and discharged…
trauma –
when we cannot complete the process
of moving in, through and out of the "immobility"
or "freezing" state.

[Rachel: The immobility reflex in a life-threatening situation
is only the severest degree of "not moving emotions" in general!]
July 29,2013: Perhaps its the culmination of "Lost Will".

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My first breakthrough… with Nancy
– panic attacks, unable to leave her house alone.
Relaxation was not the answer..
she went into a full-blown anxiety attack,
paralyzed, unable to breathe. …
Surrendering to my own fear,
I had a fleeting vision of a tiger jumping toward us.
I exclaimed :"You are being attacked by a large tiger.
See the tiger as it comes at you.
Run toward that tree; climb it and escape"
To my surprise, her legs started trembling in running movements.
She let out a bloodcurdling scream ..
she began to tremble, shake and sob in full-bodied convulsive waves.
Nancy continued to shake for almost an hour.

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She left "like she had herself again",
some more sessions, where she gently trembled and shook.
.. it was not the dramatic emotional catharsis
and reliving of her childhood tonsillectomy
that was catalytic in her recovery,
but the discharge of energy she experienced
when she flowed out of her passive, frozen immobility response
into an active, successful escape.



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The image of the tiger awoke her instinctual, responsive self.
The other profound insight that I gleaned from Nancy's experience was
that the resources
that enable a person to succeed in the face of a threat
can be used for healing, even years after the event.
I learned that it was unnecessary
[Yanina wrote a ? above the word]
to dredge up old memories
and relive their emotional pain to heal trauma.
In fact, severe emotional pain can be re-traumatizing.
What we need to do to be freed from our symptoms and fears
is to arouse our deep physiological resources
and consciously utilize them [Yanina wrote: "both"].

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I learned that the healing process was more effective
if it was less dramatic, occurring more gradually.
..When we are unable to flow through trauma
and complete instinctive responses,

these uncompleted actions often undermine our lives,

keep us cautious and inhibited,

lead us around in ever-tightening circles of

dangerous reenactment,
victimization,

and unwise exposure to danger. ..

and distortion of sexual experiences

– not just sexual trauma

What makes the entry to the pool so enchanting,
is again a cypress (see last images of "focusing")
but here it is garlanded by a high-climbing bougainvilia,
a flowery bush, to which I am quite "attached" ,
ever since it was pointed out to me on the island Rhodos by Michael,
a co-passenger on my first journey to Israel - in September 1960.

It was a long journey from Germany to my scholarship year,
with several "opportunities" for "re-activation" of sexual trauma...
The young Californian student and his bougainvilias soothed me...

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When a young tree is injured it grows around that injury…
contributes to its individuality, character and beauty…

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The image of the mature tree, full of character and beauty,
will serve us better than denying the experience
or identifying ourselves as victims and survivors.
.. The healing of trauma is a natural process
that can be accessed
through an inner awareness of the b o d y .
it does not require years of psychological therapy,
or that memories be repeatedly expunged from the unconscious.
The endless search for and retrieval of so-called "traumatic memories"
can often interfere with the organisms innate wisdom to heal.
Post-traumatic symptoms are,
… incomplete physiological responses suspended in fear…
Energy held in immobility can be transformed,
as we have seen in the cases of Bob Barklay and Nancy.
Both of these people succeeded
in a biological mobilization and discharge of survival energy
that allowed them to return to full vitality.

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A bird that crashes into a window.. will appear stunned or even dead.
A child … may pick the bird up…
the warmth of the child's hands
can facilitate the bird's return to normal functioning.
As the bird begins to tremble,
it will show signs that it is reorienting to its surroundings.
It may stagger slightly, try to regain its balance, and look around.
If the bird is not injured
and is allowed
to go through the trembling-reorienting process without interruption,
it can move through its immobilisation
and fly away without being traumatized.
If the trembling is interrupted,
the animal may suffer serious consequences.
If the child tries to pet the animal when it begins to show signs of life,
the reorienting process may be disrupted,
propelling the bird back into shock.
If the discharge process is repeatedly disturbed,
each successive state of shock will last longer.
As a result, the bird may die of fright –
overwhelmed by its own helplessness.
Although we rarely die, humans suffer
when we are unable to discharge the energy
that is locked in by the freezing response..
Rather than moving through the freezing response,
as animals do routinely,
humans often begin a downward spiral
characterized by an increasingly debilitating constellation of symptoms.

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Anxiety and despair can become a creative wellspring
when we allow ourselves to experience bodily sensations,
such as trembling, …
Held within the symptoms of trauma
are the very energies, potentials, and resources
necessary for their constructive transformation.

The creative healing process can be blocked in a number of ways –
by using drugs to suppress symptoms,
by overemphasizing adjustment or control,
or by denial,
or invalidation of feelings and sensations.

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to complete its biological and meaningful course of action,
the organism requires
the spontaneous shaking and trembling
that we see throughout the animal world.
A polar bear, after a stressful chase, is shot with a tranquilizer dart.
As it slowly wakens,
the bear goes through an extended period
of shaking and trembling
before returning to normal.
Whether the restorative response is suppressed by drugs,
held in frozen fear
or controlled by sheer acts of will,
the innate capacity for self-regulation becomes derailed.

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Old trauma symptoms
are examples of bound-up energy and lost lessons.

On another occasion in the pool I suddenly jumped out of the water
to take two shots with my mobile phone:
It was 2 o'clock, the time,
when "old people are no longer wanted here".
[as I was told bluntly, when - in the beginning, September 2006 -
I made sure to enter before 2 o'clock, but stayed on after 2 o'clock,
as was the usage in the pool at Modi'in, where I was told:
"Just come before 3, then you can stay as long as you want."
On the other hand, in Modi'in old people were not allowed in on Friday &Shabbat...]

Why did I want to shoot the empty pool?
To emphasize the pitiful situation of the life-guard on the opposite end.
Whenever I pass by him - on my way to the jacuzzi - I feel pain:
How bored you are, Valerie!
How un-full-filled!
Please, find yourself a more full-filling job, please!

Another reason for photographing on that day, October 15, 2007,
was the extraordinary sight of the jacuzzi!
The "old" woman, who just climbs out, later addressed me:
"Did you shoot them, because they are probably soldiers on leave?"

Another, not daily, but almost weekly "activity"
since the end of February 2007,
is my visit in the dental clinic
for the "rehabilitation of my mouth" (shiqum ha-paeh in Hebrew).
Except for not foreseen treatments, my three children pay for it.
The atmosphere in the clinic is like in the house of friends.
Nurit and Etti, Anna and Sarah and the three doctors, who treat me!
They all relate to me as if I were the most important person,
and they manage to relate like that to all the other people too,
even those, whose Russian or Arabic or Black-Hebrew-English
they can't understand.
And what did we find out after more than half a year?
That Etti is the always praised ex-stepmother
of Gal Mor, one of my "Star-children" .

October 28, 2007
Once more in the clinic:
Since by the end of November
the work of 9 months should be completed,
and I should be able to laugh with an open mouth without shame,
as Dr. Oron promised me,
when he proposed the expensive "rehabilitation" ,
I wanted Nurit, the administrator, to take a photo of the situation.
Sarah, the assistant, agreed to be on the picture,
and my half-repaired mouth already laughs....

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we have given up important parts of ourselves

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people who are more in touch with their natural selves
tend to fare better when it comes to trauma

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Traumatic effects are not always apparent
immediately following the incidents that caused them.
Symptoms can remain dormant, accumulating over years
or even decades.
Then, during a stressful period,
or as the result of another incident,
they can show up without warning.
There may also be no indication of the original cause.
Thus, a seemingly minor event can give rise to a sudden breakdown,
similar to one that might be caused by a single catastrophic event.

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Anxiety can crop up for a variety of reasons
including a deep pain that comes
when your spouse, friends, and relatives unite in the conviction
that its time for you to get on with your life

They want you to act normally
because they believe
you should have learned to live with your symptoms by now.

There are feelings of hopelessness, futility, and despair
that accompany being incorrectly advised
that the only way your symptoms can be alleviated
is through a lifelong regime of medication or therapy.

Estrangement and fear can arise
from the thought of talking to anyone about your symptoms,
because your symptoms are so bizarre
you are certain that no one else could be experiencing the same thing.
You also suspect that no one will believe you if you do tell them,
and that you are probably going crazy.

… When interpreting trauma symptoms,
jumping to the wrong conclusions can also be devastating.
Harmful consequences can ensue
when inaccurate readings of symptoms lead people to believe
they were sexually, physically, or even ritually abused as children,
when they were not.

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the dynamics of trauma are such
that they can produce frightening and bizarre "memories"
of past events
that seem extremely real, but never happened.

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Denial can prevent us from healing.
Little time is allotted
for the working through of emotional events.
We are routinely pressured into adjusting too quickly
in the aftermath of an overwhelming situation.


[Rachel:
If we train
to "work through " the daily, hourly, minutely "emotional events',
we'll be capable of working through "traumatic events"
or not "need" the latter at all!]


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War and childhood abuse
are two of the most common examples
of traumatizing events
that often exceed an individual's survival resources.
Important is a person's age
or level of physiological development and resilience..

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A resource (esp. for children) can come in many forms –
an animal, a tree, a stuffed toy, or even an angel.
Internal resources.

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hospitalizations and medical procedures
(anesthesia,
prolonged immobilization,
the casting and splinting of young children's legs or torsos)
routinely produce traumatic results

The next day, Oct. 12, I was scheduled for an X-ray of my lungs,
[totally unnecessary, all I wanted from the general clinic, were the pills,
which have proven to be helpful, when "my" cough "attacks" me,
the only pills I take at all, once or twice a year]
While waiting, I sat next to a Bedouin mother with her two children.
"May I take a photograph?" I asked. She smiled and permitted it.

Just when I took a second shot,
another woman and her child approached from behind her.
And what almost never happens in my self-chosen retreat:
it was Tamar Shaqed, a friend, and her daughter.
While Ofri, now in the "Democratic School", practised the alfabet,
Tamar told me the most exciting stories
about the different frameworks of her healing work in Arad
and of her and Eitan's, her husband's community work.
My heart jumps with joy, when I hear about such full-fill-ment!
Still, I hurt Tamar, when she said: "Come around to see us",
and I - guarding my solitude - answered, as I did already a year ago:
"No! - But if you want to visit me, I'll gladly receive you!"

Shamanistic cultures view illness and trauma
as a problem for the entire community,
not just for the individual or individuals
who manifest the symptoms.
people in these societies seek healing
as much for the good of the whole as for themselves.

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When people are overwhelmed,
their "souls" may become separated from their bodies.
[See Puzzle Piece 21b Fragments and Fragmentation]
According to Mircea Eliade
– an important scholar of shamanistic practice, 1974,
"rape of the soul" is by far the most widespread cause of illness
cited by shamanic healers.
Missing important parts of their souls,
people become lost in states of spiritual suspension.
Illness is a result of being stuck in "spiritual limbo".
Healers encourage the "lost soul" to return to its rightful place in the body.
Through colorful rituals,
they catalyze powerful innate healing forces in their patients.
Community support - drumming, chanting, dancing, trancing..
While the ceremonies vary,
the beneficiary of the healing almost always shakes and trembles
as the event nears its conclusion.
This is the same phenomenon
that occurs in all animals when they release bound-up energy.
"My father stole my soul when he had sex with me"
is a typical description of the devastating loss
experienced by the individual
who was sexually abused as a child.
When people share how they feel after medical procedures and operations,
they also convey this sense of loss and disconnection.
I have heard many women say,
"The pelvic exam felt like a rape of my body and spirit."
People often feel disembodied for months or years
following surgery employing general anesthesia.

Some two or three houses further on, I was again touched
by what small beauty people are eager to apply
to their flats and houses in the El'azar ben Ya'ir Street
probably the first one of Arad, when created in 1964.

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Shamanism recognizes
that deep interconnection, support, and social cohesion
are necessary requirements in the healing of trauma.
[[but]]
Each of us must take the responsibility
for healing our own traumatic injuries.
We must do this for ourselves, for our families,
and for the society at large.
In acknowledging our need for connection with one another,
we must enlist the support of our communities
in this recovery process.

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(today not "retrieving souls" but) restoring wholeness to an organism
that has been fragmented by trauma.
Shamanistic concepts and procedures treat trauma
by uniting lost soul and body in the presence of community.

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Somatic Experiencing

Each of us has a greater capacity to heal ourselves
than the shamanic approach would suggest.
We can do much to retrieve our own souls.
Even without professional assistance..

In Somatic Experiencing,
you initiate your own healing
by re-integrating lost or fragmented portions of your essential self.
You need a strong desire to become whole again.
This desire will serve as an anchor
through which your soul can reconnect to your body.
Healing will take place
as formerly frozen elements of your experience
(in the form of symptoms)
are released from their trauma-serving tasks,
enabling you to gradually thaw.

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Acknowledging the Need to Heal:

... the traumatic effects will grow steadily
more severe, firmly entrenched, and chronic.
The incomplete responses now frozen in our nervous systems
are like indestructible time bombs,
primed to go off when aroused by force,
Until human beings can find
the appropriate tools and the support
necessary to dismantle this force,
we will continue to have unexplained blowups.
Real heroism comes from having the courage
to openly acknowledge one's experiences,
not from suppressing or denying them.

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Let Us Begin – Calling the Spirit Back to the Body.

Exercise [Jacuzzi] or slapping different parts of body briskly.
This will help re-establish
a sense of a body with skin sensation
when done regularly over time.
This will begin to welcome the soul back to the body.
It's an important first step
toward bridging the split between body, mind, and spirit
that often occurs in the wake of trauma [and in general]

At home - I allocate a little time every day
for doing, what causes me enormous pressure,
learning new technical things!
in this case - my new camera.

"Self-timer", different ways of using "Flash" etc. etc.

I had hoped, that the camera of my new mobile phone,
partly a gift from my sons for my birthday in Auguast,
would fulfil this function well.
But the flash options don't produce satisfying results.
And anyway - the possibility to work with movies in the future
has been luring me for many years.
Now with this surprisingly inexpensive "Casio" camera
and the option of preparing photos for the video site "Youtube"
I may be able to fulfil that old dream.
But the way to grasping .... is very long for me, Christa-Rachel......

July 2013 - It didn't take long, till I gave up learning yet another skill,
which only sidetracks me from my vocation,
which I now phrase as "redeeming Lost Will and dissolving the Guilt",
and on the way towards this
to be a pioneer of Evolution in feeling>moving>understanding.
See below: 2013

On Facebook August 9, 2013, I find someone's entry
"I'm crazy about this couple" with this picture.
The way , they both cared for me
during the first days of my teeth-plight ,
was indeed wondrous!

"lo-ba-li", "I don't feel like it"

occurs ever so often during the day,

even amidst things that I desire or decide to do,

like going to the pool, before, during, after,

it's like ascending and descending moderate waves of

"I want to" and "I don't feel like"

 From this day, July 11, 2013 onward - - - - till August 27
- before and after my 75th birthday on August 15, 2013
I was being jolted into re-understanding my vocation:
All my former goals since the ages of 7, 13, 27, 50, 67,
were meant to create training-grounds for becoming:

a   pioneer   of    Evolution    in    learning-how-to-feel.














It is fitting, that I could squirm myself towards this understanding not in a linear way.
And so now - on Yom-Kippur 2013 - on the 17th FELT day of the next 15 FELT years,
  I want to collect, harvest and savor the fruits as they ripened - as - insights-in-stages,
just like the fruits of my pomegranate-tree have been ripening since July 11 till now!