Only once Amit got up, took glasses from "Rivqah",
and filled water from the jar for each of us.

Sculpting this, tears shoot into my eyes.
Wasn't this the sign from God,
by which Eliezer, Abraham's servant,
wanted to and did recognize Rivqah,
the appointed bride for Abraham's son Yitzkhaq?

Rivqah gave him water from her jar,
filled at the well,
but not without giving water to his camels as well.
[Genesis 24 - three times]

The illustrations are from the sixth century (Vienna)

p.132 [It's the Mother's rage, which is talking here]

child that We shouldn't have responded to you if you were going to be that way! You didn't see anything beyond your own temper tantrum there, and still haven't, I'd like to say!

I say you did not want Her to have Him because you already wanted Him for yourself and did not want to see yourself as a part of Her anymore. She was that dark and negative place you did not want to have to return to or ever feel again. ...You did not want to acknowledge your roots or origins there, because then you would have to acknowledge Her and Her place.

When He thought She was only compression, terror, entrapment and death and He didn't want anything to do with that, I think you agreed with Him. I think you were ashamed of Her, of your connection to Her and of your home there. ...

... if you acknowledged your involvement with Her or that you were a part of Her, the whole truth would come out ... You couldn't have that! Not after what you had already done there!

I think you did this as a means to your own survival and did not see that lovelessness is not a means to survival. You're not loveless! You loved Him, you say! You did not love Her, or even seem to notice what this did to Her. You hated Her and feared Her. You gave Her a little guilt and pity, as did He. That is not love. If you did not love Her, you did not really love Him, because He belonged with Her.

You only loved yourself there, and that is not even really love. If you had really loved yourself, you would have discovered that the parts of you that did not belong in this position needed to be loved and be given what they needed also, which was a Heart mate.

How many affairs have you had with heart males, only to put them down and make them feel like boys while you returned to the real man; the real man, who was not fulfilling you in the ways your affair did, or why were you out there having an affair in the first place?

You went cold on your affairs only when you had to consider the loss of position and power involved in making your affair your mate. Imagined loss of power and position! You don't know what power really is, or position, either! Haven't you ever heard the

p.133

term, right place? You need to seriously consider what that really means, and if you were mother, you would know already what it really means!

You couldn't wait to get away from Her for more reasons than just not liking Her terror, and She was too naive and unconscious to know it yet. She had put Her Heart way out there before She even knew She could do it. She trusted you with Her loving intent. What went wrong? She knows. You tell Her if you know so much!

You were the present of Her heart's desire for the Father. She didn't want to be cut out of the picture. You betrayed Her and put a gap in place that has not been healed in all this time. You told Him you were Her and never let Him know anything else there. Your abandonment did leave Her much more heartless than She would have been otherwise, and She was still more loving than you. You abandoned the Heart role and tried to play Mother instead. How many feelings did you have to dump out to do that?

......

She did not know you had made yourself separate from Her in that way, and you did not let Her know. The Father said nothing to Her about Heart daughter, either. She did not know you as anything other than a part of Her. She had feelings of wanting to move in certain ways in His presence. This did not mean that Her heart's desire was putting you out there to dance for Him the way you did. And when you danced for Him, where did you get your moves, honey? They sure won His approval and admiration and gave you a lot of self-confidence. You took all of that for yourself and never acknowledged where you had gotten any of it!

You had more consciousness from being with Him. If that is what made you think you were superior to Her, look how you used it. You took advantage of Her confusion there and said you were Her. You didn't act like it, unless you hated yourself there, were in

p.134

competition with yourself and wanted to kill off part of yourself.

......

If you are so parental as you have wanted to claim, why didn't you help Her the way She wanted and needed you to? I don't think it is loving to be parental and not give help to those who need and are dependent upon you. If you are not parental, then you need to admit it and not try to take Her place anymore by pushing Her out. If you are parental, is that what you want your daughter to do to you? take your mate and push you out in the ways you pushed Her out?

I don't think it is just Her getting Her own reflection back and I do not think it is just Her who gets Her own reflection back.[sic] [So, if it is not just a reflection, what is it then? Is she a victim of that other part of herself?] You are going to get your own reflection back, and the time is now! You made a mess of your end of things in Creation, and just as much as everyone else is responsible for what happened there, you are.

p. 44 [It's Spirit and Heart without their Will-part, who are talking here against Will-Body]

We would let him go then, making him feel like he was the one who was wrong or inadequate to satisfy us and sent him back, feeling like he had no other place to go, but it was where we wanted him to go then, because it was where we could look and get the most excitation because it was where we had the most charge of denied rage, terror, jealousy and sexuality.

Our growing frustration and rage over our predicament did not move in us, though. We did not even let ourselves notice we had a predicament. We just grew more twisted in the ways we wanted to seek our revenge and disguised it as spiritual shortcomings in others for which they would want to punish themselves, but we never called it punishment; only self-discipline. This way, we could get them to let themselves be put in bondage and tortured. We made them the repository of our many lost feelings of entrapment by entrapping them there in many ways.

When heart returned to her, we made sure his shame was so great that he told her only that he had been roaming around in hopes of finding the source of this anonymous voice, which he said he never found and could say because we never presented it to him when he was with us. He told her only that there was no place for him to go that he really wanted to go, because any place he wanted to go, he wasn't really allowed to go, and that if he did find a way in, it wasn't long before it didn't feel good to him anymore and made him feel like he wanted to bring the whole place down. We didn't mind his idle threats, because we knew we were not going to let him get strong enough to ever really do it, but it gave us a little thrill.

She would take some comfort in that, because he did come back to her and did not ever really abandon her there, but we did not want her to have comfort, because then she would give him the sex we could not seem to have. And so, the next message was, "You can never have pleasure without paying for it," and of course, the price was higher every time.

They held back and held back until it burst forth, and when it did, we zapped them with the message, "If you must have sex, it should be only for having children."

They had sex way too often after that and had way too many children, more than they could take care of appropriately in our opinion, so that message didn't work out too well for us, but we didn't admit it. We found ways to make that work out to our own advantage. By subconscious suggestion and manipulation of their guilt, we could make it so that they could never have sex without

p. 45

children resulting, while we could have sex many times and have no children result from it, sometimes no children to the point where we wondered what had happened to our desire to have heirs.

Sometimes we simply took Will polarity children. If it looked like they had enough of the light we had been zapping them with there, we said they were our heirswhen they really weren't. If we didn't like them or they didn't turn out to be the kinds of heirs we wanted to have, we used them sexually and tortured and killed them in horrible ways and never let others know. We just said they had died or gotten lost or kidnapped, somehow, and no one could say anything about it, because we made the law, were above the law and had made it so that we could not be penetrated there.

They still had too many of their children for our tastes, however, and we had to find more ways to control this. We hated them for their fertility [yesterday, August 20, 2012, I learnt that the effectiveness of sperm in Israel has become reduced drastically] and did not like it that they had so much sexual desire, because it looked like then we were having trouble getting our desire to build up into ability to take physical action. But we could not stop watching them, and the more we watched, the more we secretly feared we could not do it without voyeurism involved. You could call this an addiction or a dependency. We did not want to reveal that, because we feared there was a power loss there if we were dependent upon something outside of ourselves for our sexual excitation. That was when we sent the message, "You have to give up sex if you want to be healed spiritually."

This served our purposes in many ways. We felt sure that giving up sex wasn't really possible for them, so we could make it appear that our lack was spiritually superior. It gave them the feeling that even their feelings of pleasure were not right if pleasure might lead to sex. It pressured their sexual feelings even farther into a state of denial where they were fragmenting even more and bringing themselves even closer to the brink of what appeared to be their own self-destruction. We were playing with their desire to be heard by God, responded to by the light, rescued and loved.

When they got so into being punished and punishing each other that they never had sex anymore without giving each other pain somehow because guilt and shame demanded it, we intensified our efforts and assaulted them even more with messages from our light. Sometimes we got them so enraged from feeling so held back emotionally and so frightened and confused about moving in the wrong ways that they would put one another in bondage for long periods of time so they could not move.

p.134

INSTEAD OF THE GAP
I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED IN,

I WISH
I HAD THIS STORY TO TELL


The Mother had another story
in Her heart.

It was one
where We did not split;
one that never took place
in the gap.
It was the one
She wanted to have happen,
and I will let Her tell it to you now.
It is one of Heart's desire
for the other side,
one of the Light
moving toward the Will
and the Will
moving toward the Light.

In this story, I also saw Light, barely glimmering at first. I do not know how I saw it, or if perhaps it was only an idea at first, growing from My desire to have light in the darkness. I do not know if I saw it with My inner or outer eye first. I did not know which was which. It all seemed like a dream to Me.

I thought it was a miracle.
I felt excitement
for the first time
in My existence;
happy excitement.
After so lOng a time of nothing

p.135

happening in the darkness,
now there was something
to look at.
The Light came close to Me
because it was drawn to Me
by My excitement.
I was gentle
and found love quickly there.
How could I not?
This Light was so wonderful!

My excitement danced in this Light.
He loved it
and came toward Me even more.
I was able to let this Light know how much I desired It
to be there with Me.
Darkness had been My home,
but with this Light shining into it,
it was much more interesting to me than it had been before.
I grew warm,
although I had not known
I had been cold until then.
I thought
this Light must be magical
if it could do that.
It must have the warmth and all the qualities
of sunshine,
but the Light told Me,
"No,
It must have a place
to shine into
and be received
to be
all of those things."


We danced together then, swirling in the music
of Our feelings
at having found
One another.
I was fascinated by this Light, enthralled, enraptured and in love.
I wanted to offer Him,
as He had become for Me now
in His majesty and strength,
something, like a present,
and My heart went out to Him,
and His to Me.
I was overjoyed!
It felt so right.


Life began to bloom for Us there;
the first flowers of Our love,
dancing in His light
with their roots in My desire!
We were fascinated and thrilled.
it was a miracle,
and We were in awe of it.

Little orgasms burst forth
like dancing sunbeams,
but We did not know
they were orgasms
or that there was such a thing as sex.
They were sparkles of pleasure
and response to pleasure
joining together.
We were like adolescents,
shy still,
but opening Our heart
to One another
little by little.

The arising vision
between Us
thrilled and pleased Us.
We experienced
a growing and ecstatic joy.
If fear trembled in Me,
He held Me gently
in His arms
until I got over it,
knowing
that I was safe in His love.
He reassured Me
that I was not just a silly child
and He the superior One
who knew everyting.
Little by little,
I dared to look into his eyes,
believe Him
and grow up with Him there.

Seeing Myself in His eyes
and the love that was there for Me,
I was reassured.
He held Me in His gaze
and let Me know
He liked
His own reflection
there.

He let Me know
that He did not need to move past Me there in any way
because I was all
that He was looking for.
I felt the same.
He was My world now,
and We were going
to receive One another
in every way.

We were joined now.
I rested in His arms,
feeling His steadiness.
I began to cry
for all of My long existence
without Him,
which

p. 46[It's Spirit and Heart without their Will-part, who are talking here against Will-Body]

They were terrified of movement in any way, shape or form and moved only when they had to, and they did have to when they could not stand the compression of their stillness anymore. Then they would really punish themselves. We were getting them to punish and torture themselves and one another even more, and we sent them messages such as, "You like pain in your sexuality because you are twisted and evil."

This was when we got even more into being voyeurs, We needed more and more thrills and weren't letting ourselves notice this, either. Our sexual palates were becoming more and more jaded for the same level of thrill, and we really weren't letting ourselves notice that, because that might have brought up fear. W'e told ourselves only that we could have plenty of sex as long as we were watching others do it and not letting them know it, and the more twisted, the better, because they needed that mortification of the flesh since they were not giving up the appetites of the flesh even when it was killing them. We said there was nothing wrong with it, because there were no innocent victims there only willing ones.

We could not be guilty there if they were only doing it to themselves because they believed they deserved it. We were the ones trying to straighten them out. They were the ones who weren't listening or were misinterpreting it. Meanwhile, we sent out impulses which forced Indigo to give the images of torture scenes we wanted acted out. Indigo was s not protesting, though, and we took note of that without noticing why or what parts of indigo this was going through, or even that indigo had a gap or that we were in the gap. We just saw it as normal and did not let ourselves feel or notice anything else about it.

Love was missing, and we did not want to notice that. we said we had love, and no one was going to tell us anything different. Anyone who asked too many questions, we got rid of. Guilt was not letting us notice this about ourselves, though. How could we? Our guilt was all denied, and for a long time, we have said we didn't have any problems. Life was great! We were having plenty of sex, we had power and that was what life was realy about in the gap. But it was never really very satisfying if we felt into it, which we didn't because we could not feel anymore and those things were not important to us. It had become all about power.

All of this was beginning to take form, manipulated by us of course, as images inside of them of horribly twisted sex and torture scenes mixed together. They did not know where this was coming from and began to be even more afraid about themselves, as

p. 46

though they were really twisted to have such imagery. The hardly dared mention this to each other, because the shame and guilt was so great, which was how we wanted it. This way, we could manipulate them into silence which would terrify them even more. We loved this, because it gave us power over them.

If we wanted to, and we did, we could hide the fact that it was even taking place at all behind denials that made them look like twisted liars to even say it was taking place. we could make them so ashamed of their participation that they did not want to speak of it. We could make them feel so guilty that they could not remember it. We could make them protect us to hide their own shame and guilt. We could send them plenty of messages about their own twisted involvement in this and never let it be known where these messages were coming from.

Every kind of physical torture and abuse known already and imaginable arose in the Will polarity. Even if it hadn't happened already, they feared it was going to happen. They did not know how to avert it, and we did not tell them or tell them where it was coming from. We only pretended to. We pretended to be loving, too, and all of this needs a major shift now, because we have not been loving toward the Will polarity.

We have not even seen their input as anything serious enough to listen to, and when we have listened, it has been only to use it against them. We have never wanted them to rise up and have any power or even know they could have any power. If they ever tried their way, we manipulated behind the scenes to make sure it was only one disaster followed by another and snickered slyly to one another.

We could do all of this and more by manipulating them with zots of light that were unloving toward them, until we felt like we could manipulate them as if they were our puppets. That made up for not having the Will-Body presence we wanted and was even better, because we could completely tune it out when we did not want to have it there with us and did not have to feel anything of what they were going through except what we wanted to feel. It grew to be quite an art through which we learned quite a lot, but it was not the way it should have been learned. It was the reverse of healing.

We always said it could be used for healing, but we were not interested in that. We made medicine torture, too, because that was more interesting. All the natural types of healers and psychically empowered types of healers were gotten rid of, because there was

p.136

seemed like misery now.
I felt I could never go back
to that place
now that I had known Him.

He encouraged Me
to bring it forward
and let Him see
everything about Me.
Slowly, I unwound to him
My own terror of dark loneliness, all of My lost suffering there
and everything else
I did not understand
about Myself.
He had great patience
and listened to Me
with great interest.

He was able to understand
so many things
Ii had not been able
to understand before.
At first,
We were not certain
where to go,
what to do
or how to proceed,
but He loved Me
and respected Me enough
to take the time that was needed

Gradually,
as he held Me there in His arms,
I began to feel better
and as though He was lifting Me more and more
into His light.
I felt a great peace
and feeling of trust
about this.
When I bgan to feel insecure
that I had nothing to offer Him
in return for His great love,
He reminded Me of My own, which was a truly great love
for Him now.

He led Me to a place of
knowing
that it was both of Us there,
and not just Me alone
who had these feelings.
I trusted Him,
and He trusted Me. Together,
We went into more and more experience
of One another. Enfolding Ourselves
more and more
in One another,
We became
more and more
as One, yet Two,
Our hearts entwined
in a dance of wooing,
growing One world between Us.


Orgasm after orgasm
moved through Us
with all of the delicious feelings
of the individual orgasms
they were.
We savored them.
Together, we grew
in this expression
of Our love.
And
in the expression
of Our love,
Heart
began to flower
more and more
until He was ready
to cme forth.
As Our hearts overflowed
with the passion
of Our love,
Heart conceived
became Heart born
in the world
growing
between Us.

Heart is
Our love of the world
growing between Us,
made manifest
in that world.
Love is everywhere,
and Heart helps Us
to come together
in that beautiful world.
We are bound together now.
Heart is Our child
in Our garden,
always held between Us
in the safety
of Our enduring love.

In time, Heart seeks another
to keep Him company.
Having grown enough
to feel secure in His world,
and having His own needs met, He welcomes another addition, which is His own mate
springing forth from Our love.

When she comes,
He knows Her already
as the colors
that were dancing in My eyes when I first met His Father.
He is so happy to know
that the newness
of My first love
has returned,
this time to

p. 48

no interest in healing anything there. It wasn't about healing. It was about punishment and revenge.

Punishment and revenge were so deeply imprinted that the fragmentation there did not even know where their desire to do these things was coming from or that it had lost touch with the loving Light of Spirit and had only the gap instead. It hadn't noticed, and it seemed like it didn't care. It was hooked on twisted sexuality, and its appetite was never satisfied.

I got help now from Luciferian light that had split off from Me in the same way I had split off from it; mutual hatred.

Feelings not moving have left it there for a long time, repeating these patterns over and over, but it all had the same theme, and we did get bored until there was nowhere left to go but total annihilation of everyone we didn't like. That seemed to be the end of the world to them but not to us. We thought it was the beginning of the world the way we had always wanted it to be; peaceful, calm, without much emotional presence mentally and visually focused, run, of course, by purple in the background, orchestrating everything

Is this what we really want rather than remember or feel that this all had its start as revenge toward the ones we loved and that they were in the Will polarity which is now so badly fragmented that I, God, even had trouble finding out what pieces had enough consciousness left to heal anything in order to have anything left of the Will polarity on Earth?


DAUGHTER HEART'S INVOLVEMENT
IN THE PURPLE GAP

Daughter Heart made many assumptions in the beginning that need to come to the forefront now. The top of the list is that the Mother rejected You in favor of the Son, which almost immediately became sons because of the fragmentation, and differentiation, too, I'd like to add, that was taking place. You became almost immediately daughters, too, in many of the same ways, and some of them were much more rage polarized than others, the same as with the sons.

Your mother did not know if she preferred son over you. She just received impulses from places in my light that I wanted the Son to come first, and this was taken by many to mean that I preferred the Son. Others thought I preferred daughter as my mate, and then she could not produce a daughter because there was no daughter

p. 49

left to produce anymore. In some areas of the gap, this was passed off onto my light as a preference for sons so that the daughter could shield herself and her own involvement there. Some interpreted this as needng to please me or not have my light.

If We were going to have children, I wanted to have a son first, and there were many who rushed to please Me in that way without noticing whether I was really pleased by what they did there or not. I might have been pleased, but not in that way of competitively rushing forward, as though the first to get there was going to have the position of My first born Son and all that went with that. I did not like it in my loving light, that is, but in my gap, I did not mind, because there, I could play them off against one another, see who was the best , and then select him.

You, as daughter, saw this, and where you decided son was preferred, in your rage, decided on a competition of your own, which was to take my light for yourself and displace the mother, since you were so sure she had displaced you in favor of the son. Once you started into this agenda, you quickly became daughters; many daughters, as the competition arose now on your side, too, as to how you could please me the most.

You overwhelmed your mother with your sudden fragmentation and did not let her know what was really happening there. You preferred to leave her in her feelings of overwhelment, because she was less likely to be able to notice what you were really doing there and was more likely to feel like an inadequate mother who couldn't cope with the situation, which was how you saw her there, anyway.

You demanded her attention in order to learn what you wanted to know before you left her, and if she didn't give it to you in the ways you wanteld, you blamed her and built a huge case against her that was rage based and used feeling rejected as an excuse to leave. You did not look at the other aspects of the situation or her plight that needs help. But what do you know about her plight? Nothing but how to take advantage of it, because you were busy with your own covert agenda of competition with all of these other pieces of you who had their own takes on your assumptions and their own images of how to present to the light and their own ideas of how to take revenge there.

If you hear a father severely reprimanding his daughter for lying to him and deceiving him and leaving him to discover this on this own while trying to make sure he never did and even feeling

p. 137 [the pictures hint at the beauty of my own garden]

Him,
and is now going to be His mate forever.

And so Our world grows.
Little by little,
we are a growing family.
Our garden is growing also
and what a delightful garden
it is!
Heart loves tending it for Us
as home,
and we love responding with sunshine,
breezes,
rains
and warmth
which brings forth
even more beautiful abundance
of growth and flowering.
There is so much
music and dancing
for the love of it.

I held this dream so long and so strongly in My heart that I did not know how or why My Heart could have acted like She did not know it,
Unless She did not trust Me when it did not seem to be coming into existence the way I had tried to nurture it to be.

Perhaps She thought I was too much a dictator when She actually got out there and saw that He had His own ways and ideas that didn't seem interested in hearing about this. Perhaps She wasn't as aligned with Me as I had hoped and thought. Perhaps She feared Him too much.

Perhaps She was more beautiful and alluring than either of Us realized and didn't know He would become so fastened onto Her there. Perhaps She did not know how to get Him to let go.

Perhaps She found Her own lack of self-assurance when He didn't respond the way Our desire wanted him to. Perhaps She reflected My own lack of love for Myself and my own lack of faith in My dream. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps!!! I only question Her gap.

I do have great love for Her and sympathy for Her situation, but something has been keeping Us apart that has never been resolved, and I ask Her to look at this with Me because that is My way. My way is love and not denial of things tossed outside into a gap, never to be looked at again. How did you get hooked up with the Father and agree to do this with Him?

I know You have always claimed to understand Him better than I did, love Him more than I did and be better for Him than I was. You felt Him there. You noticed He didn't like Me. If You felt Him so well, didn't You feel there was also something wrong in the feeling of Your liason with Him? Why didn't You return to Me then and tell Me what You felt there?

You needed to return to Me and tell Me these things so that I could have understood then that He was not ready yet. You needed to tell Me these things so that I could have understood that He was like a small boy, still only interested in His own amusement, but that He had looked at You with interest.

The next step would have been relating , and You stayed until He did that with You instead of coming back and helping Me the

p. 50 [the addressee is still Heart Daughter]

smarter than and superior to him because of your success here, you are right. You have a serious gap and can no longer posture like the loving one who is not involved in the gap in your own ways similar in its unlovingness to the ways everyone else is involved.

Your mother had no way to know if she preferred daughters or not, or if so, which daughters, because what you gave her there was so fragmented and not just because she pushed you out too soon. You had your own agenda there that was ugly and deceitful and had all the makings of a gap, because you backed out of her and tried to take my light for yourselves [sic], an example being when you said to her feelings of rage, heartbreak and terror, "Why do you have these feelings now? Now that the light is finally approaching, you should have only feelings of joy and happiness!"

You postured as more loving than her there and as the one who should be able to define what love really was. This played a causal role in causing her to fall back there, become gapped from receiving the light you were already receiving there, make you more visible and her more distanced and in the background so that you could present yourself as full of light and love where she was not.

You left her then, and she has not felt able to fully trust you since. You left her there, crying in her guilt and shame, "Why aren't yo coming back? Why don't you come back?" and never returned to her the way you said you would. When you did return, you were full of judgment against her which said the equivalent of, "I am more loving, know better in all things, have experience you do not have and superior knowing because the light has touched me in ways it has not touched you."

You let her know this more than you ever spoke it and did not help her with this superior consciousness you claimed to have there. This was a severe blow to deliver in addition to the others already placed there, and you knew it, but you felt your hatred of the victim in her more than anything else. She did not let her rage move about this for a long time. She couldn't. It was out there with you, and she didn't even know it.

She fell back in heartbreak and terror instead, and her rage acted out in the gap, where your rage was, in scenarios you have claimed were the Mother ever since. This is where you were both adversary and ally with her rage based on the mutual feeling of hatred for the rest of her. You let rage become your mother there, and you went down a long path with that rage that is not going to be easy to reclaim or to recover from now, but it has to be done, be-

p. 51

cause there is no healing with the Mother unless responsibility is taken in the ways it needs to be taken.

Your rage agreed with your rage mothers (sic) in a hatred for the soft places in the rest of the mother, as well as in hatred for her terror and heartbreak. Your alliance was based largely on feelings of wanting revenge, but there was not always agreement on who it was going to be taken against and in what forms it was going to be taken. Where there was agreement, it was a formidable force acting this out.

Many pieces of the fathers [sic] were given misinformation that got them involved, as well as the sons, which made you feel powerful, because you could manipulate the whole thing and feel like this made you the smartest. You took great pride in not letting the truth be discovered, too. You had gotten too far outside of love to feel like that had any bearing on the situation anymore; it was all about power now, but you called it survival, because terror of feeling powerless did not feel like survival.

You wanted to take revenge against the mother [sic] for your feelings of displacement from her and against the heart sons in the pictures you saw of their positioning there as preferred by her. You were sure that what would hurt her the most was to displace her from her position, which you did first, take her man, which you did second and take her "precious' heart son, which you did third.

As if that were not enough already, you got your hands on any part you could of the heart son you saw as closest to her there, and your rage gave him unloving sexual experiences during which you tortured and murdered him in such grisly and gruesome ways that only I, God, know the full extent of it. You preyed upon him in his infant and small child fear fragmentation, mostly, where he was terrified he deserved it and told him you were going to totally fuck him up forever, and then you did your best to do that.

This was denied, jealous rage with nothing there to mitigate it or even be able to recognize that that was what it was. You did things there like sucking on and chewing up his genitals until there was nothing left of them, slowly cutting off his genitals and slowly cutting him up in pieces, inflicting the most pain you could perceive inflicting, letting him die slowly, a little at a time, eating him as you went, slowly cutting off his limbs and letting him slowly die of this while you seared the wounds enough to keep him alive in this terrible pain as long as you wanted to, slowly cutting his heart open, pulling it slowly out, because you knew that slowly was the most excruciating pain, then eating it in front of him as he was dy-

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ing there or, of you were not ready to kill him that way, slowly cutting open his soft spot, slowly scrambling his brain and then eating it.

All the while , you were telling him terrible things about himself that he has never been able to forget, because you went into his subconscious so deeply there with things like, "You really think you are something, but you are nothing, not even dirt. You are not fit to live, and you never will live, because there is no escape from me. I am your fate, and you will meet your fate wherever you go. You can never have a kind touch without feeling it is moving only to grab you. You can never be touched without fearing the one who you think loves you hates you and will turn on you to murder you there, and you will forever be defenseless, because you will never be allowed to grow up. We are all much bigger than you. Look around! We are all so much bigger than you. You can never overpower us, but we can easily overpower you anytime we want to, and your mother is no defense. Look at her now! She cannot do anything and does not even want to. She has been in on this all along. She always planned to give you to us. She never planned to let you grow up, either. She has always taken you down into terror and death with her, and you will never escape that cycle. You will never grow up, because you do not deserve life. You never deserved life. You should never have been, and your mother only exists to give you back to us over and over again if you try to be reborn. You are hated! There is no love for you. You are hated, hated, hated, hated!" each time with more emphasis than the last. And all through it, drinking the blood of these little lost Will fragments and telling them, "There is no God who helps the likes of you. You have no spirit, no soul to save you. No rescue. No one cares. There is no love for you. This is your life's essence, and when there is nothing left of this, there is nothing left of you! I am drinking you up, and you will be gone forever!"

There were many other horrible things done and said, but this will suffice to let you know what has to be recovered there from your own denied rage. There were lost mother pieces there, too, some of whom you had alliances with and some so that you could force them to experience what was happening to their sons at your hands. Sometimes you made them kill their own babies there, but usually, you liked it too much to allow that.[???]

You were getting sexual gratification and saying, "Yes!" even to the images as they formed in your mind of what you wanted to do to take your revenge on whatever you felt had displaced you.

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You never really checked in the beginning to see if this was true. You went off on a course of action, never looked back and then denied this rage so early that you have not recognized this as you doing these things. You have not even let yourself know these things were being done anymore. You denied this so heavily that when you told yourself you were only an innocent bystander and victim yourself, you believed it.

I know this is true, because I know just where you got it; from studying Me and My gap, and you had very close opportunities in which to do this. I have My responsibility, too, because I did not parent you differently in the gap. My participation there was right alongside yours, and we had sex there, on the spot, in these scenes. That's why I know what you did there, how you felt, how much sexual power you thought you gained there and how many times you orgasmed in feelings that it could never get better than this.

If you ever had babies there, they were never tortured unless they were not like us. Sibling rivalry descended as far as it could go there in the gap. I was even proud of you for taking this role at my side. You only allowed feelings of revenge; hate-filled, murderous revenge and nothing else. You never cared how it felt to others. You only wanted your revenge, and you took it. You felt nothing there; nothing except hatred for the terror the babies and children felt who were being killed there.

You never looked at this thoroughly enough to move it out of the gap and need to now. You felt only right, and in your selfrighteous rage's denied state, you have participated in originating all the cults in the world that kill babies and children. You started with male heart babies, but in this rage, rivalry and competition you also killed other daughters and mother pieces. Especially when alliances failed, it grew until you were ready to kill everyone who crossed you or didn't recognize you the way you wanted to be recognized. And how did you want to be recognized, because daughter is nothing you ever said you were there? You always said you were the Mother.

There were some heart sons to whom you gave the role of defending you, and if anyone ever hurt you, you ran to them and did not let them know you had a gap that might have done anything to get you involved in any of these problems. You never let them know the gap was something you even knew about, and you never let them see you there unless this was something they got involved in themselves. If they were polarized into rage the same way you were, many of them did get involved, because you gave them mis-

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only wanted what I liked and did not want relationship the way it was happening to Me; gentle mist, drifting in the void, bombarded, slammed and blown by cold, harsh wnds of unknown source, scattering My mist into nothingness again and again, as though it did not want Me there. I would have to struggle to recover, if I even could. I did not like it any more than it liked Me. It was hatred there.

It felt like I was being annihilated. I imprinted that existence was a struggle and that it was a struggle to hold onto anything I ever was, had or got. I imprinted that something could come from nowhere, without warning, and take it all away and annihilate Me without noticing or caring what happened there, or because it hated Me and wanted to. They imprinted that the environment was hostile because I hated them coming in on Me that way.

I struggled with feelings of wanting to go back out of existence, becauses I hated what was happenng there. After loneliness, came relationship. Hatred was the first imprinted feeling I had about both, because it was not what I wanted.

There was heartbreak. The weight of it took Me down, and I did not know it. I held Myself frozen there so as not to feel the pain of My disappointment. After such an interminable time of longing for something to be there with Me, it had to be this; something I did not like, even hated with a coldness that made Me even more frozen and withdrawn.

I wanted to come forward, like a delicate flower, translucent as My mist, quivering at the nourishing drops of a dew falling upon its petals, but I could not. I did not even know I had petals to come forward. I never got that far before consciousness with drew from Me, as though it did not liked Me, either.

I was frozen and did not respond to it the way it wanted Me to. It was harsh and cold. It had frozen Me, I wanted to say to it there, but I had no voice with which to speak such things. I had no means to express Myself. It had to feel Me, or there was nothing to go on, and it did not. It hated Me, I was sure of that. Otherwise it wouldn't have been so harsh and cold toward Me.

I was imprinting in the photographic mists, lying in darkness to awaken later, when consciousnesss came to Me and touched Me with its light. The way that touch felt was all telling in terms of outcome (sic)

I was the magnetic mist, and consciousness was like radiation bombarding Me. It was unpleasant and seeming to want to blow Me out of existence. I felt blown away every time I had these encounters in the beginning. I had only glimmers of awareness

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when I had these encounters, but they were not pleasant glimmers. I did not know anything other than shocks of pain that I hated.

I tried to move along this path so as not to give hatred the upper hand as though it was the only thing happening there, but without moving the hatred, it never left Me any more than the terror did. I hated quickly when I did not like what was happening and was intolerant in many ways. I hated Myself for being intolerant and hated the intolerance toward Me.

I did not know it was possible that I had moved past others already by calling them there before they were ready. When I called them, I did not know there were others. I thought there was only Me, longing for what was not, which was companionship and relationship in My loneliness. I had no feeling I noticed there of anything except My desire to have something there with Me. I only noticed that what came did not seem to want existence or relationship.

....My longing did not want anything there that did not want to be there with Me.

I could not understand why they wanted to hurt or kill Me instead of being there in pleasant relationship with Me. I could not understand why they would not want to come toward Me in a friendly manner instead of bombarding Me in that way. Why would they feel trapped by Me instead of pulled to Me and glad of it, as I had wanted it to be? I did not understand, and I did not have the means to get answers to any of My questions.

I had no means to relate to them when I encountered them bombarding Me in the darkness. ...I could not get a hold of them. ...They floated maddeningly near Me but did not come close. There was no attraction.

When I finally did find the means to get a hold of one, it was only through sexual attraction, and I did not like that. I imprinted that these particles, which were not really particles, were like angy, stinging bees who only alighted long enough to see what they could take.

We were no match, and I wanted them to leave as soon as

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information, and they had the sibling rivalry that did not question you there. You did not want Me to see a lot of things here, either, and in the gap, we never questioned one another in these areas or any other areas we did not want to look at. I never said how I really felt there, and you never did, either. It is only being said now. We destroyed our mates almost entirely and never looked back to see if this was the right thing to do or not.

How could we look back when we could not even let ourselves see that we were doing anything wrong there. I only saw this as a split in the Mother presence. There was the part of the Mother that loved Me and the part of the Mother , which I did not view as parental, that hated Me, and I did not see the Daughter as involved in this gap at all, because it did not fulfill My image of love, and it did fulfill My image of the hatred repository I had made of the real Mother there. I never believed the mother [sic] when she said she was not doing these things. I did not think I had a daughter in My arms at all, and certainly, not sexually, but to the Mother , they are all daughters.

When body (sic) threw the mother (sic) out in purple (sic), the father (sic) in purple (sic) took the daughter of the mother in purple (sic) and was not in his right place there, as though he was following Me and My mistakes. In the gap, he never admitted this or looked at it, either. He said he had his right mate, and the real mother in purple did not look appealing to him, any more than the real Mother looked appealing to Me because of the damage that had already taken place there and because of the challenges they represented that we did not want to face. There has to be responsibility taken and healing helped at the right time. The damage We have done here with Our assumptions and revenge is one of the most important things to heal first.

As Daughter, you have problems, yes, and not feeling parented is among them, but also, not letting yourself be parented is a responsibility you need to take, and it is a major responsibility, because you took the Mother's place instead of letting her parent you as she was trying to do. What we have done in our misguided assumptions and attempts to get revenge and to get even did not fix this and made it even less possible to get what we really wanted here, because now, we have such a long path of healing that has to take place first. You need to realize that your mother was never parented before you judge her too heavily there.

If your mother put you forward too soon, it was not, according to your own excitation from receiving the light. It was important to you to go to this light, and go you did, whether or not it was the right thing to do or the right timing. You had the father's light and

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received with it the father's imprinting, weighed it against what you had from the mother there, which was not much in the way of consciousness yet, decided not to let her know what you were finding out from the father there and, in a part of you, decided to take him for yourself while presenting in the rest of you as only loving there and rejected by heart male as his mate, missing entirely the unlovingness in the actions you took there.

The assumptions you made there and your position of blame has never been questioned by you as anything but right. From there, you decided to play father and mother off against one another as best suited your purposes for the revenge you wanted to take for feeling so imbalanced between the two. When the father there felt rejected, you helped this happen and never mentioned your own role in it. As fathers who split over this, you wanted us to think you were all there was and all that was needed thee.

When you said there was terror and heartbreak there in the darkness, you said it as though it was your own, and you were just so happy now to be there with the light. You did not present this as though it was something important that we should go back to, and you could have. [sic] You knew the Mother well enough to say something more than you did, and you said nothing. You were comfortable enough reflecting her fear back to her as a lack of acceptance there to let it happen that way, and so, you were in the gap, no question about it. What attracted you there?

If You were the Father's mate, it would not have been too much to say something there. The Mother had to bridge the gap You helped put into place to do it, and You never would have until it was too late, if at all. I am convinced of that, because You were not vibrating in the kind of consciousness that knew it needed to be healed or why. When I discovered this gap Myself and You still did not vibrate the awareness or understanding I needed to help Me heal this, I realized You were not the parental piece I needed to help Me heal this.

If you were the Father's mate, You needed to help heal the gap, but You could not, because then it would have been found out that You took the Mother's place, and You did not want that. You did not know how to take responsibility for the many things that had happened there and did not want to if You could possibly avoid it, because it brought the feelings of terror back, and so, You played along and played along with My own avoidance.

You cannot displace the Mother and then say she has to take responsibility for what you did in her place and that you only took

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possible. Then I found Heart there with Me, but Heart did not love Me here, either. Heart was just an angry something, left behind by the particles that could not get free another way and broke loose however possible.

I felt stupid and naive and never wanted to let Myself be open that way again when I felt rejected for reasons I did not understand. I never really opened My Heart again after that and did not know what was wrong when I was accused of beingHeartless.

I was always rejected and blamed. I imprinted that there was only coldness toward the dark, loneliness of My early experience, as though I was making a lot out of nothing, because nothing was all it was.

I could not move past this place without help. I was trapped in it, Myself. I hated needing help and was hated for needing help. He, as it had become to Me now, said that was My fault because I did not like His rage, and He moved away from Me even more then.

He never let Me know anything about Him that I wanted to know. He never let Me know anything about His origins or how it had felt to Him to come into existence. He just always was. I was letting Him know what it had been like for Me. He acted annoyed and disinterested. He hated hearing anything about it.

He gave Me the feeling that I should not be telling Him. It stirred rage in Him for calling Him when He did not want to be called. I gave in to Him for a long time because I was afraid of His rage. Even though it was not moving, I felt it there and felt its hatred. His hatred was turned against Me for not liking My experience in the darkness as a peaceful place without interference from others.

He said He was older than Me and knew better than Me. I did not see how He could be older than Me and not be ready for relationship, as I was. How much loneliness was it going to take before He would be ready to have someone else there? I did not think He could have been there, alone, as long as I was.

When He said He was there already, somewhere else, and didn't want Me there, I hated Him for this. I had no idea I was doing anything there that was right, and He never let Me know that I was . He only complained about Me interrupting His reverie of floating with My feelings and desire for relationship.

He never mentioned the part that had bombarded Me, but He said He was everything, I was apparently nothing, then, to Him, and that was just what I felt He was trying to make Me be. I hated Him for that, and He hated Me and would not admit it. I simmered and smouldered and smoked in dark hatred for Him there. He said

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it was My problem and went off to be chirpy and superficial somewhee else, somewhere where He could get away with it because He was believed [sic] by somethng that didn't have the wit to question.

He wanted Me to be independent so that I did not need relationship, only have it when He wanted to. This would then leave Him plenty of free time to drift in His reverie without being interrupted by Me needing Him. I did not want this. I wanted to find relationship that did things together, other than just have sex. This never worked. He always said I interruped Him with My questions and observations that He did not want to hear. He did not like My emotions.

He had a different approach. His reverie was not supposed to have emotions stirring it up; only peace and calm. He avoided a lot this way, and I hated Him for that! He said I was consumed by questions and feelings and that I was not going to get the answers I needed unless I went along in My experience as I was having it now.

I could not let go, or forget, the way He wanted Me to to move along with Him there, and He hated Me for that. I had always My past with Me, no matter what experience I was having, and it became stronger than any other experience the longer it went on like this. No matter what experience we were having, I was always drowning inside of Myself and suffocating in the terror that I could not live. I needed to get free of this and hated Him for not helping Me with it. Sometimes it looked like He was going to help Me, but He only played with My terror in cruel ways.

Who cares what happened to you there! I did not know this was rage talking, because it hated the experience as much as I did and did not want to remember it, let alone ever go back to that place and re-experience anything about it. I thought it was right, light, even God talking there (sic). It certainly was consciousness, and a consciousness that seemed more able to live than I ever was.

I tried to do what it said. I never succeeded, though. It made Me re-experience these horrors I lived with inside Myself over and over, as though shoving Me into it was somehow going to make Me understand it, or hate it as much as it did, and let go of it. It hated Me. as soon as I showed up, it was time to kill Me or get rid of Me any way possible. I was not wanted, and it let Me know that. It let Me know that so many times and in so many ways that I am not sure why I kept going there, except that I could not resist, as though I was suicidal, or something.

It was the light I thought it had. Over and over, like a moth to

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her place because she rejected you. Which is it? Either you have her responsibility and her position, or you do not. If you are her, she cannot have rejected you, and you have her responsibility. And regarding the sons rejecting you, if you agree that you are daughter, you took in the fathers' imprinting, went very quickly to the father and did not check back any more than the fathers did.[sic] You played Daughter there in your heartbreak and rejection and Mother in your presentation that you were happy with Father presence as your mate.

But where was your mothering? Not present, because you were not mother. If you tried to mother heart, the truth would be known. Not present, because when heart went to the mother, you would not even let him have that. If you had felt it, you would have known it was mothering first and foremost, but you did not feel it. You felt jealousy, not parenting, and denied it; a jealous rage that got denied into the gap and did terrible things there.

The best help you can give is to move your own held and denied emotions and then give the help you really can give without giving it from feelings of guilt. What is given from guilt does not feel good to give or good to receive, and you really do know that by how it feels. There are many things that have been rejected by the mother because they did not feel good, and those doing it have often assumed they were rejected by the mother instead of feeling what was really going on. Rejection needs to move as an issue to understand what needs to be felt there.

You had already been with the father when you thought you saw the son, or sons being preferred by the mother. You based this on positioning without noticing that you were gone already to be able to see it from that perspective and gone because you could not, or would not, stay present in the terror that he went to her in. Did you want her to have nothing there and have it all for yourself?

You polarized into the father's rage even more there and had revenge in mind. You did not know how to help them any more than you knew how to help Me, but you didn't try. It was all about helping you, but your held rage said it was all about helping her. You were just plain jealous and displacng your own inadequacy feelings and hatred for the feelings so you would not have to look at them. Much more like Me than the Mother there, you were Spirit polarized and bailed out with everything else that went up in the original split, and in that, we were all unloving.

All of you who went up in the initial split need to look more closely at your own rage polarization that gave you an alliance

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with the rage polarization in the Mother. That is what drew you to this part of Her where you coud "prove" that the Mother needed to take responsibility without noticing that you had responsibility to take, too.

The Mother has taken responsibility for a long time, and by Herself, really. We all need to take responsibility, and We need to take it now. In the gap, we all thought we could take power without responsibility, and that is not true power or loving power to have. The Mother and the Will side of Heart have been treated this way so much and for so long that they do not know what more responsibility they can really take or what they really do need to take responsibility for without more help from consciousness letting feelings move that have never moved so that consciousness can notice what it has for so long not wanted to notice so that it could avoid taking responsibility.

The feelings of having the first bloom of love stolen from Us by the very ones We most wanted to experience it with is on both sides and, after damage to the physical body and the emotional implications of that, feels like it is going to take the longest of all things to move through and get past here. It is not possible to go back and start over as though none of this ever happened, and it is difficult to imagine how, then, We can ever restore the initial feelings of innocence and joy We wanted to have there with Our own true mates after all that has happened. This is not something that most people see as happening quickly, but if there were to be a new approach with as much healing as possible along the way, this might be able to change more quckly than feelings fear it can.


BLUE GIVES PURPLE THE BOOT

Blue did not like what it saw happening in purple. [sic] Blue saw Spirit as trying to take over in purple to deny Body, sex and physical reality. Blue 's idea was to push back and take over in Blue with what it saw Spirit as denying in purple, so the Spirit-Body split began increasingly to be acted out as a purple-blue split where Spirit took purple and Body took Blue to pit themselves against one another. Spirit took the purple realms and gave us information that was not loving toward Will and Body. Blue took it this way; they decided it was possible to interpret purple and give out only what they liked there. They could, through interpretation, make it appear that purple said many things purple did not really say there.

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a flame, I went to My death at its hands. I did not know it was not God, either; only rage in His place. The gap was not something I knew I was in. It had happened, and I never knew there was another way of life.

I have dreamed of another way and wanted it for so long, but I never knew it was possible, as a reality, to have life the way I wanted it to be. I did not know how to get out of the place I was in. When others told Me there were other ways of living, I never experienced that. Whenever I got thee, It always changed into My own kind of nightmare; if not immediately, soon enough that I had to live with the dread of it happening; forming in the mists around Me and precipitating into horrible firghtening realities I did not want to have.

The mist followed Me wherever I went. Others would say they were fine until I showed up, and then the mist drew round like a shroud and changed things as if in the night. I felt even more unwelcome then, as if there was no place I could go and no place I should go because of what was going to happen when I got there. What I wanted left Me and what I didn't want stayed until it killed Me. I got another start and repeated it again.

I was imprinted with hatred toward relationship and that it would be unpleasant from My very first encounters, before atoms had even formed yet. We were splitting apart more than we were forming bonds of relationship and being stuck together by forces We did not understand whether We wanted to be, or not. I was left with only the dream that it could be otherwise if the approach was right. If something looked like the right approach, it triggered a dream-like quality in Me of fantasies coming true. I was fooled over and over, they all degenerated rather quickly into the same thing, until now the only option for Me is to heal the gap that needs to be healed there.

This is the gap where rage and hatred were born. We could have been companions, but We went to war instead. Hatred is older than love, and only because it was not helped to become love did it remain as hatred on My side. What about your side?

This has been told over and over, and yet, how really major it was cannot be told in words very easily. Can you see how everything that has troubled the male-female relationship, and everything else, was there? Can you look back that far and feel that deep in order to move this? Do you want to?

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MY LIGHT SPEAKS

I hesitate to tell My own point of view because it was not the same as others, but I need to move along with it, nonetheless. I moved past Heart and Body on more than one occassion. I hated Them for not moving along with Me in the ways I wanted to move there. To Me, They were know-nothings who had Their own agenda and wouldn't listen to anyone else. They were either aligned or opposed according to whether They agreed or disagreed on any given issue.

I thought it was not possible to get anything accomplished without alignment and did not like it that They were so vacillating in the name of freedom. I thought it was a lack of commitment to One another, and so Heart presence was not there strong enough to hold it together. It wasn't a matter of love to Me there, it was a matter of getting the job done, and the job at hand there was creating what We wanted to have in Our lives, since it appeared We now had lives.

They got angry over anything and left Me there with no movement toward Me for a long time, as though They did not need Me or even see any reason why I was there or needed to be there. I was hurt by this, but rage never moved about it. Instead, I gave Them nothing in return.They gave Me nothing, and We had long periods of nothing between Us.

I did not know We were coming together in the gap and making a Creation of war and strife, based on unquestioned impressions, without Our consciousness there to help, because Our denied rage was going after the Ones it wanted to give the rage to. Everyone was involved in this, not just my light.

The Mother also had Her own forces there, but they were less powerful than Ours and usually lost in battle. This is why We never minded going off into battle. We always thought we were going to win, even if We lost some people along the way. It didn't matter to Us. We didn't feel it that way because We had not grown to love One another in the first place.

We had given One another the gap only, in Our rage, and hated the results without knowing where they had come from. We hated war openly and gave people on Earth most of the blame for having wars.

God never came forward in any church sermons and said, "I caused these wars by not moving my rage."

It has been so long another version that many people cannot Continuation

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Blue mastered the art of what is called distilling things down to the essence of what was really being said and giving out only that. Thus, all the process of how blue arrived at interpretations of what purple gave as Divine inspiration began to be held in secret in blue, and they gave out only what they decided they wanted to give out of what purple was trying to inspire there. The problem was that blue made all of purple pay for the gap there and did not give out anything other than what blue wanted to give out. This has caused a terrible gap in what could have been inspired mind, and blue has discredited and attacked any who have claimed their inspiration came from God.

Blue was not loving in its gap where it was doing this, and blue's gap has affected all of blue, or you would not see such a lack of purple inspiration being taken seriously and giving out without interference from blue. Blue became the interpreter of purple and put indigo in a squeeze play between the two. By pressuring indigo to see and give out only the pictures that supported blue's positions and interpretations of purple, blue was able to create religions that made people look past religion as a real option for their lives and go with blue's agenda of taking over the world and being the power there. Interpreting purple was important, because then blue did not have to let anything out that would make it apparent that blue might have the wrong take on purple. In the gap, purple was twisted, but this is not all there is to purple.


Purple is Divine inspiration from God, which is why I have had so much involvement in their gap, for which I have to take responsibility. When blue decided to take the interpretation it did of what I viewed as the leap or push past Me, I did ot move My rage. I decided to be reasonable and approached them over and over, not getting anywhere. This empowered rage even more in the gap in purple, where it viewed them as a bunch of idiots who did not know what physical reality and sexuality were really about, while I was trying to be "nice" and work things out. My rage has had a lot to say about this to be moved in other ways than the pages of these books, but let it be said that I have not opposed sex, only sex without love and balance.

Body had held back for so long I did not understand that He was driven up and needed release before He could become reasonable. I viewed Him as the most unreasonable dominating lout I had ever seen and did not even want Him as My Body anymore. This was not apparent, though. It went into the gap, where I never let

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him have power for long without driving him back and down in revenge for him pushing past me and not listening originally.

He said nothing, either, to let us know what was happening with him or that he was even there holding back from coming forward or wanting to come forward. He claims to have been right there with us already, but he didn't think it was necessary to let us know. We were just supposed to know already, but yet, he didn't need to know a lot of things about us; that wasn't important to him. We were just things he viewed as inside of himself, and at the right time for him, he was going to do whatever he wanted to do with us, including getting rid of us if we didn't please him.

Well,I didn't view it that way, or why would my light spill out of people all over the place as protective aura without which they cannot live, in the same way a planet cannot live without an atmosphere whose more subtle aspects reach out to touch everything in the Universe. Without that web, there is no life support system to hold anything together.

Blue's failure to give this reality of the Oneness necessary for life any real place of value, validity and power on Earth is testimony to the blue gap's dangerous proportions and intent to destroy everything, while thinking it is ony My light they are denying in favor of their own mind control of everything. Blue has justified this to themselves by telling themselves that others cannot understand God. And so, they have to interpret Me for them. In the gap, this is especially dangerous, because there is no openness to disseminate anything else, and what purple has to say about it is not allowed out, and if it gets out, is given no place in reality where it is responded to appropriately.

Blue has such hoards of people on Earth who view things the way they view them that they have taken over and denied the rest in direct reflection of the ways in which blue did this in original cause. This is a very dangerous situation and one that needs to be turned around now, or life is not going to exist much longer on Earth. You will only have what they call life, which is a slow descent of consciousness until it won't be able to reach up to purple at all, unnoticeable to those who do not feel or let themselves remember much of anything in order to know what life should and could be like and that humanity is not reaching its potential but is going the other way instead and becoming less and less of what it could be and needs to be to have sustained life or any place at all in the Universe.
Continuation

August 13, 2012-
Transpersonal Regression
(60:13; [audio to be downloaded] )
[John begins his intro by referring to the letter of Christa-Fachel from Israel,
who suggests to get rid of the "Hi and bye" and return to "Shalom"-wholeness, peace]

As in the last class we begin with a recognition of some of the class participants who are attending via the recordings. Class members in Europe, Israel and Canada are mentioned, and excerpts from what they've written to the class are read aloud. Then there's more discussion about the material covered in the Redeeming the Devils page on the GodChannel site.

Transpersonal regression is really a combination of both personal and transpersonal regression. First we work at the personal level with a child part of self, then in the deep transpersonal with a part of the Universal Feminine, and then back to the personal layer.

Deep in every imprint is a trauma in the magnetic, feminine essence that draws similar circumstances as the original trauma. These circumstances (triggers) are drawn by the feminine, magnetic essence in an effort to resolve the orginal trauma, but that has rarely happened. What has typically resulted from trauma is a chain of reenactments. The deep transpersonal traumas have been reverberating through the eons, all the way up to the present personal layer that we experience as 'my trauma.'

In doing this kind of regression, we trace the energy of the feelings in the current reenactment back to where it first begins. Consciousness is in the service of sentience here, and we're able to trace back from the current feeling— all the way to the original experience, often beyond time and space.

We start with something painful in present time, and we find a child part of us that had a similar experience. We feel what the child is feeling, hold onto those feelings and ask the unconscious memory to trace the energy back to where it first begins in Creation. This is not something you would remember, it's something you would discover. The conscious mind 'remembers' by association with words and images, but we must feel our way into the unconscious, sentient 'memory.'

A participant says she's been having resistance to the transpersonal stuff. It brings up all of the belief systems she's encountered throughout her life. "Oh God, not another belief system!"

In Process Coaching we have only one 'belief.' Beliefs are in the mind, and it's a good idea to let them all go. The only 'belief' here is what we call the Healer's Faith: "The Universe is good and operating correctly at all times."

The rest is what we discover through direct experience in following feelings to their source. What we have experienced we can know is true. Rely on what you get from inside of yourself. Outer teachers and lore can be helpful, however when it comes down to it—go with what you know from your own experience.

Beginning at 23 minutes into the recording, the same particpant goes through a personal/transpersonal regression process. This article ["Working in the Transpersonal Realm" has the step-by-step details of the process.

After the regression, another participant says she was able to do the practice along with the first participant. (And of course the recording is now available to take yourself through it.) She also says that going through the practice tonight brought understanding and healing to what she's been experiencing. She'd been depressed and having a hard time. After working with the Folks and following the regression she didn't react to the triggering situation like she had been.

The Universe is alive, and it's working out its kinks. And we're a big part of that. We're in a healing collaboration with the Universe, and the Folks represent the Creators of the Universe, the great yin and the great yang. We're looking for the roots of everything in ourselves, and the Folks' participation is of course very valuable in this process. They're getting the healings they've been wanting with our help, and we're getting what we want with theirs.

August 23, 2012
This is the 8the tele-class conducted by John Pateros.
(See my correspondence with the HealingToWholeness site in 2008
- who is obviously one of the Channelers of Godchannel -
and about the previous seven tele-classes
in my edition of "Responses to Voices")

I'm amazed about the synchronicity
between the theme of this class
and my intense studying of
traumas of "the Universal Feminine",
with which all of are imprinted.

See, for instance, at the end of Class # 3
"Trouble in the Transpersonal Realm":

The transpersonal origins of the spirit-side imprint
go back to the original explosion
where the Universal Feminine
moved to embrace
and draw into herself
Spirit, the Universal Masculine.
Spirit's original terror
of being engulfed by the feeling essence
is still reverberating
in the many deeply lost fragments of the Will essence
that were blown apart
in Spirit's sudden and violent escape
from the Universal Feminine.

As to the article
"Working in the Transpersonal Realm"
- see it copied to the right frame of Class # 4

It's the first time that I have the patience to listen to the recording of the one hour class,
and when the participant was asked-
after having contacted herself as a child of two,
to immerse herself in the Universal Feminine,
she felt herself in a womb amidst the ammoniac fluid,
and John laughed, saying,
that in his case, too, it is this image, too,
when he gets in touch with the transpersonal realm.
I was glad to realize,
that without this connection
I am singing ever so often the latest version of my song,
that begins with:
"Enfold me , my Shekhinah, in your womb
help to vibrate your feeling
tiredness- discomfort - stamiut
("stam" is a word specific to Hebrew,
it means: "meaningless, purposeless, vague, unclear")
no zest-full-ness and no full-fill-ment,
free me (from all judgments) and enfold me
For all my joy is in my very feeling.

As to the "Regression Process", it doesn't "work on me",
and when they put a question directly to "The Folks",
I didn't get it, who was the channeler (a woman),
nor was the content of the answer very enlightening.
Still, it was relevant to me, to see,
how the "HealingIntoWholeness" people apply this knowledge