The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7		"AZ NIDBERU" My new Midrash and song in 5 languages about the prophecy of Malachi 3, 16 ["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The Name]
1 2 3	How Learn And	I The Train	Heal Conditions In	Myself For Creating	Into Heaven Those	Whole On Conditions	Self-acceptance Earth Daily	Click!	Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk among each other, and he listens      and he hears yatakaalamuna     allathina     yarau'na-hu , va-yusri        va-yasma' Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander, und er lauscht      und er hoert Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent l'un a l'autre il entends,        il ecoute

The FOCUS of MY INTENTION TODAY

Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what may
I don't exist to realize my desires, rather my desires exist to give me reason for creative action and pretext for loving interaction!
7:41
I desire to delight in what this day will bring me, & take my limping friend, i.e. my fears, with me.
I desire to radiate healing, strength, inspiration on Efrat, so that her physical pains will recede,
and her panic of a Shabbat "alone" will produce ideas of "doing", which will excite&fulfill her.
I desire her to accept my proposal to make an experiment with Mika - just on this day -
to not mention the words "eat-eating-food", & to not even prepare a plate for her on the table,
but sit there herself (with me eating), even if she'll just fake to eat (E. rarely eats in our presence...)

I asked for an image with would support me today and typed accidental letters into "Search"....

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

8:21
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to the fact, that you rested so well tonight,
despite a long disquieting dream,
which seems to hint at an imminent change in my life's routine.
I give thanks to you for supporting my holy routine in both my homes.
And I give thanks that you produce the Adrenalin, which I need
in order to transform tension & apprehension into challenge & excitement.

I'm grate-full for having remembered
- when I woke up with "too many bothering" feelings - that all I have to do is to breathe and embrace them , embrace "the Mother", and all is well.
I'm grate-full for just now having come across Morgenstern's and my song:
Alles ist von Wichtigkeit, alles ist nicht gar so wichtig
nur die rechte Sichtigkeit , und du wandelst rightig.
Everything is of importance ~~~ nothing is really important,
have only the right sight ~~~ and you walk alright.
I'm grate-full that I can hold onto my wholeness in the midst of E's plight,
I accept that I cannot help her to feel better, leave alone to get better
neither by causing her to "do" or to "not do", or to ease her technical tasks.
I'm grate-full for having accepted all my "over-sensitivity" yesterday.
I'm grate-full for all the lovely moments with each of my 6 actors yesterday.

Mika, indeed, didn't hear any word about eating this morning,
so, when she saw me eating and her mother faking eating
(though she now and then put something into her mouth after all),
she said very clearly: "I want two gammadis ('dwarf-yoghurts')",
and when her mother took her to the fridge, she also took a "choco".
When she later heard us talking about food, she again said clearly:
"I have eaten, but I've finished half of my choco drink."
And when we sat in the pond, and E. asked: "shall I bring you two fruits"
but corrected herself: "shall I bring you fruits, Grandma?"
Mika ate as well.

Mika was patient with my searching,
though she wanted to go to "Adarush" ['ush' is added to a name lovingly]
When we finally found the house - the caravan - of "Adarush" -
the door wasn't locked, the TV was on. and Mika needed to shit.
Then we waited outside and soon enough the family came home,
with a friend, Bentzi, whose parents once immigrated from Sweden.
This brought up my memories about a friend in 1964, Kurt Wilhelm,
then the Chief Rabbi of Sweden, who wasn't orthodox enough,
to be allowed to convert me to Judaism, but who left me with a gift:
"Zeit ist mein groesster Reichtum!" Time is the greatest of my riches!"

Finetuning to my Present

14:37
This day isn't easy and my feelings are as stormy as I imagined,
but I feel supported in full-filling this morning's intentions.
I feel whole.
There were good moments with suffering Efrat,
and there were glimpses of communication with Yoav and his friend Bentzi.
I was on the alert, not to get carried away with the kind of interaction,
which would not lead to a continuous "AZ NIDBERU" (see song on top),
and therefore would be a waste of energy for me.
Luckily another couple came in - with a chameleon - which was exciting,
but when the girls turned away, I felt, I had no place among the 5 grownups,
and joined the girls inside,- trying to blow up balloons with a simple device.
I helped them, I enjoyed watching them, and at the same time got glimpses
of an American reality show on an island, which was going on on the TV screen.
The harsh judgments against the 2 winners
against "betrayal of friendships for the sake of money"
were hinting at what may be the weak point of that reality-show "Big Brother",
to which I dedicated much time and enthusiasm lately.
As if to demonstrate what I saw, Mika said to Adar:
"I don't want to be your friend anymore",
only because the two couldn't agree on who would play the xylophone.
It was time to leave.
Mika - instead of following me to her bicycle -
ran barefoot across the thorny ground
and of course attracted a thorn into her soles.
While walking home I sang all the time,
just like she had sung on our way into the village
(I'm skipping the story of not finding Hanna Dillian),
mainly the Alef-Bet-grandkids names song and we both relaxed.
When we came home, Efrat listened to all my stories, but was interested really in:
"Has she eaten something there?"
"No!"
which almost made her break our agreement concerning the "experiment".
"It takes some time to un-condition a person's pattern",
in this case Mika's rebellion against Efrat's constant forcing/blackmailing to eat.
She agreed to that.
"Moreover,
you are not full-filling the condition of sitting at the table as if eating.
It's not enough, that you ask me tentatively: "grandma do you want to eat!"
And indeed, Mika, when hearing that question, said,
as if it was her who was asked:
"I'm not hungry".
Now Mika is asleep in her room, and Efrat is suffering in hers, watching TV,
and I'm alone with half a day of experiencing and feeling
and the harvest of photos.
Again people on tractorons are racing around our corner
making tantalizing noise
(both Efrat and I yesterday had a murderous idea about how to stop these people)
I still hope,
that Efrat can relax and find some moments of wholeness and wellness.
And as to me - I shall take a nap now and enjoy my air-conditioned solitude...

Finetuning to my Present

17:05
I haven't yet finetuned to my outbreak against Arnon yesterday.

Isn't it "strange", to say it euphemistically,
that the one actor from among my Sixteen,
who is the most caring, the most attached,
"gets all the flood" of my penned-up tears?
Why as the one who would trigger me
and "cause" me to spill out all my disappointment
and feeling humiliated and ridiculed and jugded
by his sister, his mother and to a smaller degree even by his father, my son with his dry reaction : "Got it, thanks".
And what about Uri, Jonathan and Itamar, who didn't react at all either,
despite my pleading quest to just tell me,
that they got my multi-media creation, my thanksgiving?
And why is it, that I, instead of saying "thank you",
- maybe to each actor separately on the phone,
- and according to each one's contribution
(which sometimes was small and sometimes was huge),
- I give a gift myself and even expect a minimal acknowledgement?

I shall not go on with these questions.
I only want to express, that I feel guilty,
that I burdened Arnon with my tears.
And though he, like his father, is "gifted" with a kind of armor against pain - and this to my great regret and worry -
he couldn't hold back some tears,
when I went as far as saying - in my tears:
"How would you feel, if you want to give the best of yourself
in order to praise someone else,
and that someone says: 'I had no time to look at your gift'?"
He said: "It wouldn't be so terrible, I think",
which carried me further to say:
"But in me it touches the old hole,
that I am too much for people and I have no place in this world."

Poor little boy,
what should he do with such an expression of seventy years of pain?
I cannot take it back, and I only hope,
that the pleasant experiences, we had during the next 4 hours,
together with his "armor"
made him forget me, my pain and my blame.
But I MUST finally reach a way of acting,
which will no longer stage situations,
which "use" my family actors as triggers for that hole in my wholeness.

I've long since given up "expectations", or so I thought.
And there - I did it again - and this really makes me despair...

[See more finetuning on Oct. 7 to what I came to see as a big blunder:
my thanksgiving letter to my Sixteen]

In a little park with sport-installments for people above the age of 14:

"This is for big children", Mika knows,
"but also small children can do it", she explains