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52 days of Moving and E-volving Emotions Manual - 22nd day, August 4, 2002
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2002_07_28 -2002_09_04
Gadi's urgent message on my phone, an e-mail on my
screen:
"Avi has founded a new company 'Succah
in the Desert',
and dispossessed me and my wife of all our rights in the
"DESERT RESOURCES COMPANY LTD".
On
Tish'a b'Av, the day of Destruction,
which this year I experienced so awarely,
an almost violent confrontation took place
between my successors in my Desert creation.
[read more in pp33 "Greatness"]
2 hours later it's "alarming", how un-"charming"
I feel.
Contrary to my present prin
2013
The FELT days 87, 88, 89, 90 ~ of the next 15 FELT years
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1
5 y e a r s = 5 4 8 0 days
of g e f u e h l t e - g e f u e l l t e Z e i t "inmitten der Ewigkeit", f e l t - f i l l e d t i m e "amidst eternity" from the beginning of my 76th till the completion of my 90th year [unless I'll die after all] "A dream is our life on Earth ...we measure ...(it) in space & time" -see 2013 songs August Nr. 4- Yes, I, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, want to measure my life on Earth in space & time! 4 days of feelings will be inserted on each of the 1400 pages [set up between 2001-2008] continuing with M E E M and then following the order of folders and files on my "local site". The feeling chosen from a day is exhibited in max. 7 lines per day since August 28, 2013 On 6 days of the week I learn, but Shabbat is dedicated to my main feeling: grate-full-ness. Since feelings must be vibrated~ wombed, each day closes with a song, fitting the 7 lines To challenge myself like that -while not knowing what will be "staged" in my personal and in the world's drama till 2028 , exhilarates me! |
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2 hours later it's "alarm
continuation November 24, 2013, still 26 days
till Mika's 8th birthdayc of not
ple of t init
November 24, 2013
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repetitions from Nov. 16-19
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2013-11-16-Shabbat
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2013-11-18-
Monday "....Feel pressured: What's my path&desert-liberation task today?" song: admat-hamidbar Nov.25: Not "liberation", but "redemption", according to Leviticus 25:23-24 >>> see the full text in 2012 songs Nr. 8 |
 But the land is not to be sold in-harness.... throughout all the land of your holdings, you are to allow for redemption of the land. Another translation: And the land shall not be sold in perpetuity ...And in all the land of your possession ye shall grant a redemption for the land. |
2013-11-19-
Tuesday-
"As long as old anger [Avi] or new anger [Yakob, Ma'ayan) polutes my 'DOING' I'm not whole and nothing whole can be created. Please!! let me take responsibility for attracting reflections from 'others' that trigger holes in myself, and this without judging myself or even 'digging' too much: what hole attracted it? Just vibrate!" |
"Your VISION about 'PEACE through DESERT SPS HOSTING ECONOMY'
is meant - among numerous things - to give humankind a new chance,
to learn to create "civilizations" without depleting their very resources
and after having demonstrated through a model how this can be done
you now run a sword into your model - to dispel people's complacency"
Nov. 17
"this 'circumstance' [the path-blockade] has come to my life,
in order to heal my pressure-hell and to empower others."
.... Yet, what is asked for is REDEMPTION of the desert EARTH,
even if on the way to it human creations have to be removed.
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iati
n
not init
November 25, 2013
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From
'Succah , 8th stage' ......And ~~~~~ it was then, ~~~~~~ that it dawned upon me, that a succayah wasn't the optimal model of an economic structure in the desert. It was TOO permanent. The future would lie in the mobile pyramidal tents, I felt. .....In August 2001 Gadi informed me, that he would
take time out. My short visit in the Succah, in 2001, brought no joy. But then - on April 14, 2002, - the first light of
dawn!When we greeted him, his face stayed frozen like a mask. I wasn't deterred and didn't let him shut me
up. I became bolder: |
 Dewitt's Monday picture of Celebrate what is right with the World: "Today, it's time to go for it. Nothing held back" watch the whipped-up mud! |
The
wrestling with my ego is short: I admit, that Arnon has helped me after all, at least with regard to the practical aspect of the path-blockade. I even could yield to Ofir's reminding me of "turning the frightful into the fruitful". And since I'm ready to see the point in Arnon's idea, I'll develop it by improving the technical feasability! Right now I'll prepare the little slope, used by Arnon, so that I can walk down on it with ease, and then I'll follow the direction which he found, cross the Moab road and wind down the stairs, which I myself remembered, though I may not have used them more than once. In the storage-corner of my one-room flat there is still the hoe and the rake, which I carried to the Cave-of-the-womb for so many months, 3 times a week, in 2005. The stick of the rake is fragile, but the hoe is fine |
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First part: Turning a small, but too steep slope into a passageway for a woman with a stick,
and from there tracing a new track through the buildings to the pool.
(See the old track 2004-in the Four Walking through the "Wadi of Compassion" to the Pool:12 min.)
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As
if a confirmation was needed, I received Micha's affirmation, that he paid the debt of 2997 NIS to the real estate tax authority. When I thanked Micha, forwarding it to my other children, I added in small letters, that my response to Immanuel's fierce urging, that - in the path-blockade - I should see a "sign", that my place was no longer in the desert of Arad, but close to where they live (in a triangle not far from the airport: Shoham, Modi'in, Mazkeret Batia, was still "cooking". What I feared, happened, both he and my daughter let me know - though with humor - that my lengthy cooking was not desired. 
Efrat called: "Do you want to be amused? My new boss at Shoham, Nira, has a second business: bookkeeping. I hear a secretary turning to her: "And what about Succah in the Desert?" I learnt, that Nira has been doing Avi's bookkeeping for years!" |
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November 26, 2013
Arik Einstein died, the one who sang: "I
and you , we'll change the world", he was one year younger than me
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I and you shall change the world, you and I, then they'll come all! They said this long ago, before me- it doesn't matter, you and I shall change the world. You and I shall try from the beginning, We'll feel bad, never mind, it's not that awful, They said this long ago, before me- it doesn't matter, you and I shall change the world. See in my SongGame 2007 I learnt it at the end of a mass-workshop (EST) , probably in 1979 |
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ani mitlabaetet, I have doubts, am uncertain, ponder, mull,
if the payment of the debts concerning the Succa-yah on the one hand
and my walking on an alternate new path to the pool on the other hand,
mean,
that I should let go of my work of 'converting
adversaries into partners'
with Yakob, Zim-building, and with Vera and Liora, Municipality of Arad.
I called the "breakthrough" of the fence that blocked a path in
the desert
a 'Mekhinah', that
prepared me for the breakup of 'Succah in the desert'.
But since as long as the side-entry through the fence is not blocked, too,
I can reach the pool with not more difficulties of walking than before,
and since a few painful lessons trained me to reach my former 'fitness'
in interacting with people so they can love themselves in my presence,
I might be "allowed"
to wholly focus on preparing "the model of desert redemption".
Still, I realize, that I imagine a Good Bye note to those 3 people,
which is not at all free of anger, even of contempt,
be it for Yakob's not relating to my brave effort to touch him,
or be it Vera, who related nicely, but tried to 'anesthetize' me.
This anger means, that on this day I'm not yet ready to let go.
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Nov. 20, 2013, repetition
from Nov. 20-23 "Now you must dismantle your model and break-up this human occupation of the Desert Earth. 
"A time to break-down, a time to build up" "You found the Hebrew term "pritzah" and the English term "breakup". Both terms imply both aspects: that something has come to an end, and that something new will break through" |
July 3, 2003,
repeted from Nov.
20-23 Since 5 years Avi has been "the guardian" of "Succah in the Desert", my scientific model of a future nature-compatible Desert Economy. 2) My own separation from that part of my desert vision, which seems to have had only a pedagogical purpose, and not to be physically realized. 3) The profound reconnection between Avi Dror and me, not only a reconciliation in this life, but the completion of what was cruelly cut-off then. [January 2009: After that "completion" there was no continuation, on the contrary] |
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While searching for an exemplary page about the model of a Mobile
Desert SPS Hosting Enterprise, |
November 27, still 23 days till Mika's birthday
November 27, 2013
For
the first time I truly enjoyed the new track to the pool, and not only my self-made path down the little slope, but crossing the T-junction of Moab-Ha-Gai-Street and winding through the stairs, trees and buildings. But when I came back, learning Yael's song of Lea Goldberg, whom do I see at the side-entry which now serves me? "Ahmed" preparing the installations of two gate-doors! He greeted me, wanted to shake hands and when I hesitated, "don't you have to tell me something?" got angry telling me, -relating to our 4 interactions on November 6 - that at 8 PM he had opened the fence, as he had promised, "But I found it blocked at 9 AM the next morning!" I said, "Then someone of the municipality must have closed it...." How far can lying go? Now he promised, that despite the gate it would be possible to go through. |
I walk up the path - the broom for removing the tiny stones is still there - I'm on top and walk down on the old path, till I cross the Irussim-road and next to the lower fence descend the Wadi of Compassion
After I
had completed this sculpture, [having found a way to minimize the amount of Kbs] I alternated between dedicating myself to my laundry [trying to accept the bugs of the washing-machine...] and working on what I called 'te'udah' to my children, it was time to go again and pass the wadi for the pool. I trembled, fearing to find this outlet closed, as well. Indeed, they had closed it, with too small an opening. Outside they were just moving their truck and escaping. I loosened the metal strip, the gate jumped wide open. I could have left it open, but if this would be detected, "they" might find a means to close even the tiny hatch. So I used my wits and attached the strips in a manner, that I can slip through - under it - while bending down. My hair got entangled, and crawling is not easy for me. I must find a metal thread that will be easier to handle and join the two gate-doors at the height of my head. |
My third stage of my life - after marriage and
children - began with my lekhi-lakh,
go-to-yourself
The direction painted on the head of my bus was "A thousand of paths".
P A T H S !!
I must reach a deeper understanding of this.
[continuation
tomorrow]