Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
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I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

How
Learn
And

I
The
Train

Heal
Conditions
In

Myself
For
Creating

Into
Heaven
Those

Whole
On
Conditions

Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily

Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk among each other,
and he listens      and he hears
yatakaalamuna     allathina     yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri        va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht      und er hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent l'un a l'autre
il entends,        il ecoute

18:09
I feel terrible.
And it's not, because Lior is here - she came at 11:25 - was with me until about 12:45 - then with Efrat and Mika and me and has been sleeping since 14:15 ...
We talked about everything that might be stressful during her stay, with or without her,
and agreed to cope with whatever would be and grow from it.

But my present feelings have to do with my short outing with Mika.
After Efrat mentioned yesterday:
"Once you were always outside for two and a half hours, now nothing at all",
I went to her at 16:45 - (instead of using the time I still could have had for myself )
"don't you want to wake Mika up , so that we can go out before darkness?"
The sun was down, when Mika was finally ready (she "had to" eat something,
and as to the "Mika, you must eat" pattern, we are back at square one...)
and then she had to be dressed carefully
and some material against insects had to be applied
on the few spots on her body that were not covered.
"But don't go to a playground,
there is that disgusting sand with all the insects".
The allergy of Efrat and Mika against invisible insects is, indeed, horrid.
Both are constantly bitten and swollen all over.
In this context Efrat had said yesterday - for the first time -
"I regret that we moved to Bet Nehemya".
This was a shock for me [see my "Bet Nehemya-Shame" on June 22 ]
- and brought up so many feelings that I can't even begin listing them.
On the background of this REGRET I experienced our short outing:
Though E. in the end seemed to have agreed to our going to the one playground,
which is a bit further away and a bit less shitty, though shitty enough as well,
I tried to go "to the fields",
though I knew from all my disappointing experiences that it would not be "keff" (fun).

The garbage everywhere and the fact, that the one track which leads outside
is blocked by a wall of soil and junk,
wasn't encouraging for Mika and - unused to any walking,
she soon began to pester me that she wanted to be carried.
Sometimes I gave in and sometimes I forced her to walk,
but, of course, she wanted to go to Imma,
and except for a kind of artificial "stone" which she discovered and picked up ,
there was not one nice moment on our way.
"What should I do, what should I do in the future?" I was asking in despair.
Playgrounds polluted by dog urine and shit
and thorny tracks polluted by junk and garbage
and barbed wire everywhere - the security fence around the village-
and the fence along Highway 6
- where can we spend time, Mika and I,
and how will she learn to walk and wander ?
But worst of all: how can I NOT worsen Efrat's regret about having moved here?
Already after a few weeks (move to Bet Nehemya on July 31) she guessed
that I was disappointed with what should have been "Nature" around here,
and felt reinforced by this in her own disappointment
though she never walks into nature.
Immanuel reproached me for making things worse,
when I had not really said anything
Now that I see Efrat's gigantic disappointment,
how could I not add to it by my own disappointment?
After all, I was the one who encouraged them to take this house,
when they had already backed off from it because of the 500 NIS
which exceeded the sum of money they were prepared to pay.
The reason for this move "to the country-side" was

a) that Efrat all the time yearned for "a house in a garden,
where Mika can play on the lawn",

b) that with Tomer's transition into his father's custody another room was vital,
so that the pressure on E., which this transistion meant and means for her,
would not be compounded by lack of physical space.
We also hoped, that the "Nature" around Bet Nehemyia would be good for Tomer.


I didn't know how to make Efrat share our coping with the disappointment,
for she tends - as I do - to feel blamed , instead of coping together.


At that moment Mika came into my room,
and my dark brooding was stopped by her bright initiatives
for playing together

The next morning 8:10
Should I delete what I spilled out on the left?
I won't complete it, that's for sure.
I would very much like to report on what I felt from that moment on,
when Mika came to play and literally "cheered me up".
But it will sound dry compared to what really happened.
Nor am I entirely content with myself
concerning one point (only!)
I blamed Lior, whom we finally woke up at 20:00,
for not having me informed, that this could "happen":
that she would simply not wake up like a normal person would.
"I was worried", I claimed, "both Efrat and I didn't know what to do.."
I should have been thankful, that I had all this time alone with Mika.

But then, when we sat down for Shabbat dinner (at 20:50...),
to which Lior had contributed the salad making,
communication became better and better,
until Efrat said to Lior, when we parted (perhaps at 23:00):
"I only now understand , that you are not one of the children of Arad,
but THE Lior.
Now you are always invited here.
Do you know Zipi? You fit each other!"
"Yes", I said, "I tried to 'match' between them,
but failed, perhaps they are too similar and therefore..."
"No, they are not similar at all,
Lior is " and Efrat made a a gesture
which designated Lior's rootedness in the ground,
and standing very upright towards the sky,
"while Zipi is somehow floating."
"Oh, that is true - how did you discern that?
You hardly know either of them!"

This, of course, proves Efrat's cunning intuition.
It proves also Lior's stunning growth.
When we finally sat down on my bed, just the two of us
and she told about her life in and through her course in the army
(to teach 10 girls to become a kind of social worker,
who takes care of sick or handicapped soldiers),
I could only savor the quantum leap which Lior had taken,
since she had let me coach her 2 months ago.
Not a shred of victimhood towards her superiors!
"I really am I now!"
And as to the girls,
she even hopes to stay connected to at least two of them.
She still fears that some old friendship ties have to be severed,
but there is an evolution going on with her sister Nitzan, 2 years her elder
(both girls, then 13 and 11, joined our "community" at Ein-Gedi in 1999),
and there might be the potential of true "peership" between the too.
"Perhaps even with Jonathan", one of her younger twin-brothers.
"And there are changes even in my mother and in my father. "

Hearing all these good news
and also talking about what should happen now
(this course will be ended on Nov. 5), her dreams and plans,
I could see in all this another sign of the changes in the world.
"10 years ago,
if you would have made those changes from victim to master
- in your work and in your private relationships -
they would not have had any effect on your environment.
But now,
since the critical mass of people who heal into wholeness is growing ,
together with changes planned for this time period,
there is such an evolution going on in your entire family.
It is these "little" signs which I want to focus on,
unlike what the media in Israel do - stress crimes and scandals etc."

Since her dream is, to join an organization,
which takes care of orphans in Africa,
I had a chance to tell her about my childhood dream
of working with Albert Schweitzer at Lambarene,
and why what I wanted was not right,
because I would only have given in to my helpers' syndrome,
instead of working on the roots of all the misery in the world.
But if she chooses this as a training ground for a limited period of time,
it will be fantastic.


When I asked us to part, perhaps at 1:30, I felt content and full-filled

Daughter-of-adam
God are you!
It's up to you to heal
the Creation all-of-it!

Love!
all the right
that you have denied!

Love yourself!
then you'll love
everybody else.


Greed to create ~
Cain's need to give ~
turn around the "GATE":
blessings will be great!