I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete
Sorry, my head, for cutting
you,
but this was as far as I could move the self-timer
camera into the corner!
In any case, what is important today, is our behind,
not our head and face!
hodayot [thanksgivings]
for today
8:37 My Body,
my Partner,
I give thanks to our behind and all the muscles
and joints and bones,
which help us to sit with our spine upright in front
of this computer,
typing and screening the screen for hours without
tiring, without pain.
I give thanks to my
new computer, its hardware and software
and to the generations of ingenious people,
who have developed it to serve my need for healing,
learning, creating.
I give thanks to my son Immanuel,
who knew what, where and how to buy the best,
without exceeding my savings of my National Insurance
[thanks to it too],
and to install my familiar programs and to transfer
the multitude of my files.
It
is 21:04 now and the day will soon come to an end.
I am therefore pulling myself together to approach
you.
You know, that on Friday I was hit by an understanding,
which keeps me away from you.
"I
know and I, too, keep my distance, wombing you lovingly,
until you'll be ready to at least throw your pain
against me."
It
suddenly hit me,
that calling you MY PEER,
is another illusion,
just like the endless chain of illusions of having
found partners,
only the other way round.
We are not equal!
not because you are "Light"
while
I'm only one ray of the sun,
one wave of the ocean, one
color of the light,
but because you have no body
and no specific, personal life-story which you could
share with me.
I'm not able to listen to you now,
please prepare me and yourself for a true communication
~~~ soon.
synchronicities
Tomer on Friday-Evening at Shoham,
when sharing with me his songs. "Have you heard about Yoni Bloch and Eviatar
Banai?"
only to reproach me humerously for my ignorance.
Grandma yesterday,
on our climb around the desert of Arad: "....like in that suicidal
song of your Eviatar Banai!"
"None of Eviatar's songs mentions that he wants
to die,
you mean Yoni Bloch."
"Alright then, Yoni Bloch,s song!"
When the day was done, and my loved-ones gone,
and my castle shone,
I saw another program of that sophisticated game:
"Aekhad neged mea"
"One against a hundred" ' in which - by the way - the
protagonist was always an entire family,
because of "Family-Day" this week.
And what do I see?
A question: "Who among the following 3 persons does
not appear
in that song of Yoni Bloch. " I forgot the name of the song
as well as the two names of persons in it,
But the coincidence with just having learnt about
Yoni Bloch,
made that song, which Tomer showed me , all the
more alarming,
since it tells me, how victimized Tomer and other
teenagers feel.
Sensorium I’m not afraid to die
I’m afraid to be alive without being aware
of it
May you identify with this quote
from your beloved song
At
midnight I sat on my bed
and simply watched the new sight of my computer altar:
it was beautiful before, but now?
The first morning with my new computer:
I take every step of the opening process like a prayer. My eyes also touch all the items
under and around the computer,
which is placed on a table, David
once found discarded in a street,
covered by a shawl that belongs to an Indian "salwar"
from Gabriela,
a dress for me which I still wear, given to me on
that pilgrimage in 2001.
To the left: the only movable furniture in my bus:
a table for a 1990 computer,
made by a woman carpenter According to my design,
above it microphone, loud-speakers, a device against
current-interruptions,
and to the left the computer-machine and printer-scanner.
I opened "Dreamweaver",
the software which lets me create this site. And suddenly
a pop-up of "Babylon",
the on-line dictionary which helps me many times a day to
create this site in a language which is not my own. "How does one say:
I love you in every language".
The popup stayed on when I opened
my files in "Dreamweaver" - and also when I opened the
template for establishing today's K.i.s.s.- L o g 's page: "How does one say:
I love you in every language".
Back to yesterday, Shabbat
Our
journey from Shoham to Arad (1 3/4 hours)
I put Bamba "claws"
on Mika's fingers ~~~~ Tomer found comfort in the
dog.
fingers of Tomer, fingers of Mika,
claws of "Bamba" ,
Nella the dog,
a splended sky and a desert landscape with electricity poles
(see later..)
We had to prevent little Mika from
falling asleep and finally arrived.
It's always a bit strange to come back home after having
been away for 4-8 days.
It takes an hour to unpack the goodies I brought with me,
to warm up the room,
to feel what I feel,
and then to be at home in my holy lonesomeness.
The first thing this time was to see, that a storm had ravaged
the garden,
though there truly isn't much to ravage.
I sent my son and my grandkids and the dog away,
so Efrat and I could do the cleaning up of the veranda,
which always has to be packed when I leave in winter:
all the mattrasses, carpets, cushions on a double row made
of the chairs,
for if the rain floods the street, part of it comes straight
down to the veranda.
After we also had managed to find a place for all the stuff
for Mika, for the installation of the computer,
the food for our lunch, the leftovers from Mika's grandma
in Acco for Mika's grandma in Arad, etc.
We had the most excellent lunch, the
leftovers of Efrat's strenous cooking for the Eve of Shabbat.
And the temperature at noon allowed us to sit at the only
"dinner-table", which there is in my castle.
Lior,
my landlords' daughter, who had become 6 on January
29,
saw a chance to come to me.
But playing together
with 2 year old Mika
wasn't easy. "When will you be
with us?"
she asked with some exasperation,
and I had to tell her,
that I wouldn't be free
to play with them,
since I needed to do
so many other things:
Tomer wanted and needed my attenttion,
Immanuel had to ask me about some of my wishes,
when he worked on
setting up the computer.
I also wanted him
to test with me,
how the computer worked,
once I put my hands on it.
.
I also had to be a hostess,
after all,
and in such a limited space there was always something
to be put in order,
despite Efrat's help.
She seemed to understand.
I had brought a box with stuff for children,
the remnants
of a magnet game,
which even I like to play with,
and all kinds of trash,
which kids cherish.
She showed me,
how she had created
3 lovely candles:
the little metal balls
of the magnet-game
in 3 metal candle-holders and a magnetic stick"
on each.
Later, when we sat in the dark without electricity,
she got a chance to play with real candles
The wonderful pictures I took during
Tomer's walk with Grandma in the desert,
under a gorgeous afternoon sky of wild clouds playing hide
and seek with the sun,
are lost.. [2008_02_13- they have been
retrieved by "Orange", see ?]
Immanuel had just finished all installations
and I was to systematically open the computer as I did in
the past,
when electricity stopped and left us all in darkness and
silence, no noises from computer, fridge, kids' TV,
no lights - not even from the heaters' spirals - except
from some candles and the flashlight of my camera several
times. When the camera clicked, everybody
was caught by surprise.
At first Tomer had gone on massaging his step-mother, as
he loves to do,
but after the second click he hid himself under his coat.
Immanuel sat exhausted in my one fauteuil, - he soon would
have to drive north,
though we didn't know, if the current was cut off due to
a failure, which could last all night,
or if was it a measure of the town freezing one neighborhood
after the other, each for half an hour.
I shot blindly into the night, and
some beloved people on this photo will not like how they
look here. But the togetherness was worth being recorded!
Lior Cohen a year later
[pretty photos which I received from them]:
Lior Cohen's seventh birthday
- January 29, 2009, with her family
with her father Ofir (a starchild like Lior and like
her brother Amit, or so I feel)
Lior dances on Tu-bishvat , the Festival of the Trees,
February 12, 2009
Today I zapped into TV programs,
all of which were extremely interesting,
but wanting to "catch up" with the experiences
of this weekend,
nevermind the uncompleted pages of an entire week,
I allowed myself to listen and learn only for a limited
time:
About
Kurt
v. Hammerstein by Hans Magnus Enzensberger.
He told a true anecdote about Maria
v. Hammerstein.
Once asked about how it was in the concentration camp
of Dachau, she said: "Endlich ein wuerdiges
Publikum". Finally
a dignified audience.
It reminded me of Tomer's yearning to go back to "Geha",
the psychiatric hospital, where he was under observation
for 5 days,
after he had threatened 3 times - to kill himself: "There I had a place, where
nobody harassed me,
I was alone, I could think, I could smoke, I had friends,
I could listen to music on the computer the entire
day."
I also heard, that the last
survivor of that family, is still alive:
Franz v. Hammerstein, whom I visited in Geneva in
August 1976,
was the co-founder of "Aktion
Suehnezeichen",
and in the World Council of Churches at Geneva,
responsible for the Jewish-Christian Dialogue.
During breakfast I told him and his wife
about my Bir'am
Project,
They were excited:
"You could rebuild the village with volunteers,
like those at Taizé." After a short time we sat in
the car and drove all the 6 hours toTaizé.
My crucial learning during the 24 hours at Taizé
was,
that there is a time to do and act
and find ever new ways, when one is blocked,
but there is also a time to wait, to be available,
but not to take the initiative.
I want to give thanks here to Franz v. Hammerstein
and his wife.
Berlin, den 6. Juni 2006
(epd).Der
Mitbegründer und langjährige Vorsitzende
von "Aktion Sühnezeichen Friedensdienste",
Franz von Hammerstein,
wird am 6. Juni 85 Jahre alt.
Der evangelische Theologe stand von 1967 bis 1975
an der Spitze der Vereinigung. Noch heute engagiert
er sich in zahlreichen Ämtern für Toleranz
und Völkerverständigung.
Franz von
Hammerstein wurde 1921 in Kassel als jüngster
von drei Söhnen des GeneraloberstKurt Freiherr von Hammerstein-Equord
geboren. 1944 wurde er wegen der Beteiligung seiner
Brüder am Hitler-Attentat von der Gestapo in
Sippenhaft genommen und anschließend in den
Konzentrations- lagern
Buchenwald und Dachau interniert.
1958 gründete er mit dem Magdeburger Juristen
Lothar Kreyssig die "Aktion Sühnezeichen".
Von 1975
bis 1978 war der Theologe für den christlich-jüdischen
Dialog im Weltkirchenrat in Genf tätig.
Danach leitete er über acht Jahre lang die Evangelische
Akademie in West-Berlin. Heute ist er weiterhin als
Vorsitzender der Stiftung West-östliche Begegnung,
im Sühnezeichen-Kuratorium, in der Stiftung Kreisau
sowie im Martin-Niemöller-Friedens-zentrum aktiv.
Für seine Verdienste um die Versöhnung mit
Osteuropa und sein Engagement für den christlich-jüdischen
Dialog wurde er 2001 mit dem Bundesverdienst-kreuz
geehrt
3SAT 19:30-20:00 About the writer and fighter
Amos
Oz,
who is only 9 months younger than me
and lives in the same town, Arad,
though already since 1986.
Then
there was a talk with Annemarie Pieper aboutExistential Philosophy, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Albert
Camus, Sartre,and
others whom I like less,
and how it was a reaction to the abstract thinking
before:
in which there was no body, no individuum, no "Lebens-praxis". [See my frustration with MY
PEER today:
you have no body, no individuality, no praxis of living!]
There was much similarity to what I know and believe
in,
but there is no time to quote and compare or develop
further.
"In der Freiheit
ist zwar das Verderben groß, das völlige
Verderben möglich. Ohne Freiheit aber ist das
Verderben gewiss", sagte Karl Jaspers, der von
1948 bis 1961 in Basel Philosophie lehrte. Er gilt
als einer der Hauptvertreter der Existenzphilosophie.
In deren Mittelpunkt steht der Mensch mit seinen Erfahrungen
nach der Maxime: Der Mensch ist nicht einfach, sondern
er wird zu dem, was er aus sich im Denken und Handeln
macht. Zu den wichtigsten Vertretern der Existenzphilosophie
gehören Martin Heidegger (1889 - 1976), Karl
Jaspers (1883 - 1969), Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980)
und Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)."
I was again so delighted by
"Lyrik fuer Alle", 10 min. on Sundays by
Lutz Goerner
that I registered for the "daily
recitation"
While
seeing a doc. abouta
prison for Palestinians, which is the one situation,
where that nation's leaders are born......
I sometimes zapped back to 3SAT -
to a doc about Distomo,
a Greek village,
where the Nazis had performed a horrid slaughter, Ein
Lied für Argyris, Dokumentarfilm von Stefan Haupt,
Schweiz 2007
Mikis Theodorakis,
a composer whom I cherished
some 30 years ago,
told how the Nazi soldiers would go up to the Akropolis
and admire it
and come down, see a hungry child (300000
died of hunger in one year),
who, let's say, had discovered a piece of bread,
and the soldier would simply break his arm.
I had no strength to see, what happened to the village,
obviously as a revenge against the partisans. Back to Gaza and the
many men and women,
imprisoned often for several life-times,
it was very impressive, how many of the prisoners
study at Israel's Open University and graduate etc.
- and how some grow and see, what has to be done,
but all this was - even for me - overshadowed by the
interspersed interview with the woman, who had helped
the suicide bombing in a Jerusalem restaurant.
She said, that she helped that suicide bomber to fulfil
his wish for a better life after death. Asked, if
she never thought about the people and children killed
in that restaurant."No!"with a smile on her face, which
got more painful for me, when she - having been asked,
if she knew how many children were killed there -
said:"I think three!"but the smile became unbearable,
when she was told:"Eight",
and she repeated:"Oh,
eight!"meaning:
that's fantastic.
After the doc. 4 people discussed
if it was Israel's interest to free prisoners or not
to free them for the liberation of Gilad Shalit. One
was Amnon Zichroni,in 1969 the right hand of Uri
Avneri, and in the frame of the election campaign
I had invited the entire village to our house, believing
that I could do the talking myself, but my husband
ridiculed me and said, that nobody would listen to
me. So Zichroni came and gave a boring, tired performance.
Today he had a good argument against those who say,
that 70% of all freed prisoners return to executing
terror-acts:
"The Palestinian nation
in all its hunger and sorrow
breeds a new terrorist every day,
they don't need released prisoners for this."
But then I closed the TV, and
I'm sorry I opened those two programs at all. Does it help anybody to love
himself more?
Does it help me to love myself more?
And if not, isn't it a waste of time and energy?
I must become even stricter
in choosing only programs which nourish me,
3SAT, Lyrik
fuer alle, Lutz Goerner,
Folge 115 Hallo, seien Sie gegrüßt! Ich hatte Ihnen
für diese 115. Folge meiner gesprochenen
Literaturgeschichte der Lyrik noch einmal Christian
Morgensterns Galgenlieder versprochen,
die man fast als Zwischenstufe zum Expressionismus bezeichnen
könnte
Kronprätendenten »Ich bin
der Graf von Réaumur
Und hass euch wie die Schande!
Dient nur dem Celsio für und
für,
Ihr Apostatenbande!«
Im Winkel König Fahrenheit
Hat still sein Mus gegessen.
»Ach Gott, sie war doch schön, die Zeit,
Da man nach mir gemessen!«
Die Schildkröte,
The Turtle Ich bin nun tausend
Jahre alt
Und werde täglich älter.
Der Gotenkönig Theobald
Erzog mich im Behälter.
Seitdem ist mancherlei geschehn
Doch weiß ich nichts davon.
Zur Zeit, da lässt für Geld mich sehn
Ein Kaufmann zu Heilbronn.
Ich kenne nicht des Todes Bild,
Und nicht des Sterbens Nöte.
Ich bin die Schild –, ich bin die Schild –,
Ich bin die Schild – krö - kröte.
Der Hecht Ein Hecht, vom heiligen
Anton
Bekehrt, beschloss, samt Frau und Sohn,
Am vegetarischen Gedanken
Moralisch sich emporzuranken.
Er aß seit jenem nur noch dies:
Seegras, Seerose und Seegrieß.
Doch Grieß, Gras, Rose floss, o Graus,
Entsetzlich wieder hinten aus.
Der ganze Teich ward angesteckt.
Fünfhundert Fische sind verreckt.
Doch Sankt Anton, gerufen eilig,
Sprach nichts als: »Heilig! heilig! heilig!«
Die beiden Esel
Ein finstrer Esel sprach
einmal
Zu seinem ehlichen Gemahl:
»Ich bin so dumm, du bist so dumm,
Wir wollen sterben gehen, kumm!«
Doch wie es kommt so öfter eben:
Die beiden blieben fröhlich leben.
Der Sperling
und das Känguru In seinem Zaun das
Känguru –
Es hockt und guckt dem Sperling zu.
Der Sperling sitzt auf dem Gebäude –
Doch ohne sonderliche Freude.
Vielmehr, er fühlt, den Kopf geduckt,
Wie ihn das Känguru beguckt.
Der Sperling sträubt den Federflaus –
Die Sache ist auch gar zu kraus.
Ihm ist, als ob er kaum noch säße …
Wenn nun das Känguru ihn fräße?!
Doch dieses dreht nach einer Stunde
Den Kopf aus irgend einem Grunde,
Vielleicht auch ohne tiefern Sinn,
Nach einer andern Richtung hin.
Lutz
Goerner!
You, "Turtle", are a fantastic actor, thank
you!
