I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in
learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
The
song expresses wishful thinking.
The Storm happened in Israel,
little Immanuel (born 1963_01_23) in Germany
was with my mother at Boeblingen,
while I tried to finish my studies at Tuebingen
and came home only twice a week.
Childrens' Songs
by Rafael&Rachel Rosenzweig
+ Hebrew lyrics by Rafael
to the most popular song of Brahms:
On August 1, I decided to re-employ song-page after song-page for documenting and exploring the
evolution of my youngest grandchild,
a starchild whose assignment for this planet seems to be:
to demonstrate by her own living and doing,
how to playfully create from moment to moment "zest-fully
and full-filled" [see
previous composition]
The Princess-Torte was ordered by Mika
and created by a woman in the "Creation-Circle".
Behind the princess: my song about God's princess radiating love on
earth and on heaven.
Mika's
Dream and Prayer [listen
to the song and see the background to its creation]
God who is in heaven
waits until I'll will grow
a princess then will float from the water
and ride like a dolphin on a wave
directly into the King's palace
and climb straight up to a tower
and radiate love on the Earth
and on the Heaven above.
In the sky there appears the moon,
rolling slowly like a wheel
and with dawn it will set - with joy,
for having been granted
to give light from above,
The sun will rise in the east,
and it, too, will be rolling like a wheel,
the princess will bless the Earth,
that forever
they'll light her from above.
While everyone was eating - a few from the
kids' torte and most from Immanuel's lemon-pie,
Mika came to sit next to me on the floor (since there weren't enough
seats) and said:
"I want to be with you, grandma, because
you are playing with me!"
She said it as if giving me a prize, and I was touched, indeed...
Taking about prizes:
Dita, the only one,
whom I didn't catch on any photo,
came along waving a document
into the face of everyone:
"My brother was honored
by El-Al
and nobody knows about it!"
THE EXCELLENT EMPLOYEE
Immanuel Rosenzweig
WITH RESPECT AND APPRECIATION
FOR YOUR EXCEPTIONAL DEVOTION
IN PERFORMING YOUR ASSIGNMENT
For
a few moments here and there
Meirav stood among my family.
I'll remember her laughing like this.
As to the other guests, it's logical
that I was most "interested"
in my daughter .... see
Dec.5 and Nov.15+16
and in my daughter's family,
though Rotem & Jonathan were missing
and though there was no interaction
with my daughter nor with her husband.
The microphone was one of the gifts for Mika
from my daughter's family
Gid'on, the husband of Immanuel's stepsister
Dita, and Joel, Immanuel's step-brother
And
now comes the part which I most enjoyed,
but which also was most difficult for me.
It had begun, when Itamar and Yael arrived.
They had NOT bought the globe-balloon of Planet Earth as promised!
"How will Mika understand the (digital)
solar-system, which I bought for her,
if she has no idea, that sun, moon and earth are rolling around
each other?
And how will she understand the depth of the line in her song:
"radiating
love on the Earth and on Heaven above".
Nor had Yael prepared a performance around the song with Itamar.
"Itamar will perform alone, while
I've created a blessing for Mika."
At first Itamar said, that yes, he had prepared something,
but that he might be too embarrassed to perform in public.
I, too, was ashamed to sing my song by myself and alone.
Especially when I realized,
that neither Mika was ready (not dressed as we had planned),
nor her father
(who went to his studio in order to respond to
Mika's quest,
to open the primitive but real camera which was her parent's
gift for her)
nor her mother,
whom I missed - in the middle of my singing: "But
where is Efrat????"
"I'm here! I'm listening!" she let herself
be heard from the veranda.
She needed to smoke exactly during that minute...
To my relief and joy Itamar helped me in a double way:
He somehow explained the solar system toy to Mika,
and he was ready to appear with his performance.
"I am the sun"
,Itamar began,
"but I have a little cousin,
who also wants to be the sun, so I let HER be the sun."
Itamar dresses as "Earth"
[mumbling: this is the last time that I wear this shirt]
and explains to Mika , that the moon rolls around the sun, i.e. around
her Tova, Joel's wife, in the background,
enjoys, how moon and earth roll around the sun
Everyone enjoyed Itamar and Mika, or so I
trust
(Immanuel had been called to watch, but Tomer and Din, of course,
did not care). But as to my singing, I'm not sure.
Before I began, I went to Tomer's room, telling him about the song
and that I adapted my lyrics to the Irish tune, which he, Tomer, had
shown me
and which he, Tomer, had put as ring-tone on my cellphone.
He came, but when nothing was ready, he said: "Postpone your
singing to the end", and left.
In writing this 5 days later, my body is heated up with shame and
tears fill my eyes.
Why on earth did I do this again: to expose myself and make everyone
feel akward?
I don't even care, if members of my family were judging me,
nor that not even Efrat, who had asked me to make a song, related
to the content.
I simply know, that I do not ever again want to appear in the public
of my family.
I could have sung the song in the morning, with just Mika, Abba and
Imma present.
I could have handed her the solar system then and Abba would have
explained it,
and Mika would still have been capable of taking in anything.
Now she was overwhelmed by all the people, who gave her a gift and
a little attention
and then she was supposed to take care of herself.
(Even Immanuel said the next day: "A pity, that everyone
gives his/her present separately.
When we were children, it was so great, to see all the gifts at once
on the table!")
Time and again Mika disappeared.
Once I found her with Yael in her room, drawing-painting.
"Please come to the living room and draw
there", I begged,
"all these people came for YOU, Mika!"
I wasn't even aware, how I tried to pressure and manipulate her,
yes, how I projected on her my own fears of what others expected.
It was little Mika, this wise Aspect of God, who taught me:
"They also want to talk to grownups!"
When
re-reading the advices in "The
Program for better Vision",
and grasping, how much "acuity of vision" is damaged
by tension,
a line came to me and with it a tune, so I may truly internalize
it.
When expectations from others cause
tension,
I'm giving my own eyes more loving attention.
Later, after Yael had gone,
she came to me and took my hand and pulled me into my room.
"I want you to write done the poem I've
made".
But let's first say Good-Bye to the Shais and read Yael's beautiful
blessing
Mika
with looking eyes
with listening ears
a mouth that tastes
and a nose that smells
You already get up
to a new morning
each day.
You feel the world,
discovering and learning,
looking and smelling,
listening and tasting.
Discovering and ?
joyful and laughing
singing and dancing
sitting, standing
with a thinking head
and a loving heart
May you go on
to want,
to hope,
to manifest
and to stay forever
such a
MIKA
In that moment Mika had neither
eyes nor ears nor heart for Yael's creation,
which - in the future - might remind Mika of my song
for her third birthday...
Micha called his brother, if it still made sense for them
to come. "Yes, come!"
Since they were scheduled for a jeep-tour with other families,
they couldn't come to the celebration and Efrat had been sad
for Mika's sake
Micha arrived with Arnon and Ayelet, after almost everyone
was gone,
Efrat was away, driving Meirav and her son to the airport
train-station.
Mika had no eyes for her cousins, nor for the gift Arnon stretched
out to her.
"Come, Savta, I'm not yet done
with my poem!"
and she dragged me back into my room.
By then I had grasped her wisdom:
This was her way to not be overcharged [what's
the exact word?]
Her poem filled already an entire page, including the marginals
left and right.
She refused to use the back of the page, but finally accepted,
that since there wasn't an empty inch left, we needed to start
a second page.
While in the middle of this second page, Efrat had came back
and rushed in:
"Mika, look, look! a pink shawl for you!"
That was the moment, where I couldn't keep back.
I said, though quietly:
"Efrat, you always do this, rush
in, when Mika is immersed in something."
She rushed out again, hurt of course.
I later apologized and she accepted it.
In any case, Mika completed her poem
- a chain of fascinating associations, including - twice -
"Yin and Yang",
something I had taught her just recently,
when she was fascinated by the horizontal 8, the sign for infinity,
which I draw on the car-window, when she goes off to kindergarden,
as I formerly, and for a long time, drew a spiral
both on the window and with my arms in the air.
Then, when everyone, everyone was gone,
and we three grownups leaned back to relax,
Mika found a way to finally collaps.
She had not even - like me - taken an afternoon nap.
Her mother must have told her to wash her face.
And it was then, that she spilled soap into her eyes.
The pain and the crying can be imagined.
Efrat put a compress on the hurting eye,
and I suggested to lay her down.
She fell asleep right there and then.
I'm closing the sculpture of Mika's fourth birthday
with photos which Immanuel took,
before everyone arrived
The next morning, December 20, the real
birth-day,
Mika woke up as lively and zestful as most of the time.
Abba shows Mika the e-mail-sent drawing-gifts
of her cousins from her mother's side and shows her how to use the microphone
This time I don't draw 'yin-yang' on the car-window
and in the air,
but sit in the car myself next to Abba on our way to kindergarden,
before he brings me to the junction from where I use to hitchhike.
Chanuka is over and so is Mika's birthday celebration,
and only I feel still "overcharged"...
But I don't have time to move my emotions and analyze them,
for after 10 minutes I am picked up by a fascinating woman,
who brings me until the bus-station of Beersheva - Arianna!
And as if "the Angels" were keen
to pave the road for me:
I entered the bus to Arad just before the driver set out.
In Arad - after having jumped into the pool on my way-
I encounter a spectacle of clouds in the blue-blue sky
just above the plaza with the metal mother and child:
And when I climb down my Wadi of Compassion
up to my Almond-Neighborhood,
I am awed by the lit mountains far away in the north.
I had picked the first nasturtium flower on my way (with its vitamin
C leaves...),
and together with the songs-for-rehearsal on my digital recorder I'm
purely happy.
I'm also relieved, that for a few days there won't be any expectations
from me.
More exact - I won't be in situations,
where I project on others, that they expect something from me.
5 days later,
December 24, 2009
today a new (short) period starts,
which gives me the "chance"
to practice my old slogan,
now put in
tune:
Know exactly what you want
Communicate clearly what you want
And then get out of the way,
and let happen what may!
and in my daughter's family,
