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Back to Overview of all sculptures in the fourfold library of "InteGRATion
into GRATeFULLness"
InteGRATion into GRATeFULLness
Fine-tuning to my Present
2007_06_13
Learn to Convert
Family members "Judging-against" Family members
into
"Communicating-with"
+
2009_07_18
Continuation
of Day in a Cave and the Founding of the "Architectia-Band"
My father, Siegfried Guth, - with a PH.D. in Law
- managed to work as a judge for 2 years.
My boyfriend, Ruediger Philipowski, was a law-trainee, when I coped with his
antisemitism.
My fiancé, Martin Fincke, was a law student, when we wanted to ease
the world's suffering.
My father joined the Nazi army , even before everybody else was recruited,
and got himself killed in 1943.
My boyfriend, according to the Internet, has become a professor of Economic
Law at Wuerzburg University,
Martin has become the European Expert of Russian Law, and is still a senior
professor at Passau University.
The word "to judge" entered my emotional vocabulary with the instruction
of Jesus:
"Don't judge, so that you may not be judged".
[Matthew 7:1]
The advice given by the present, "evolving God"
reverses this:
Do not judge yourself, so that you won't be judged by others.
Or more exact and specific:
"Release judgments against yourself, accept yourself and become whole."
The result would be not only,
that if I'd stop judging myself , I'd not be judged by others.
the result of not judging myself would also be,
that I would stop to project on others
what I find hard to accept in myself.
I've studied this message for over
twenty years now.
In 1998, when the Channelers of Godchannel.com
still allowed us to talk with "God",
I wrote an e-mail: "Mein Gott, mein Partner", "my God, my partner",
complaining that he made it sound too simple to release judgments.
His answer was not very helpful though,
[see the correspondence among other "discussions" of Godchannel],
but over the years, the advices of how to release judgments, became clearer.
Still it is the hardest thing to do.
Now I suddenly have become aware,
after 60 years of pain again and again,
that there is another aspect to the "judging" issue:
How should I cope with my pain,
which pierces me,
when other people judge other people,
and most of all -
when family members judge family members?
I remember the first occasion for this pain:
It was around my ninth birthday, August 15, 1947,
and I was on holiday with a family in a little town called Hechingen..
The husband, a judge, had been a colleague of my dead father.
Grownup guests were visiting for some hours or days.
When they were gone,
and we were sitting around a meager dinner (1947...)
a storm of judgments against those guests flooded the table,
more than judgments:
slandering of the worst kind.
I was too insignificant to open my mouth,
but I was shocked and deeply pained.
In 1953, when I was 15, I again was on holiday in
a family,
this time in the social environment of a village - Wolfartsweiler,
[to which we had been evacuated from the bombardments in
the big city between 1944 and 1946].
A neighbor woman came in to chat.
Nowadays I am no longer surprised, when I realize,
what percentage of "chatting" is occupied by "judging others".
Nor am I myself free of judging others.
But I've been aware and ashamed
when I've watched myself doing this
ever since I've been a little girl.
That woman said harsh words against the local priest,
like that he ate and drank too much at weddings.
I adored this priest, since he had liberated me from
a heavy burden of guilt,
by having agreed to let me confess the Catholic way, though i was a Protestant.
I was so terribly pained by the mud that had been thrown at my idol,
that I needed to seek relief.
Who could help me if not that priest again?
The next day I walked over to the adjacent village,
where he lived and which also belonged to his parish.
Its name - Friedberg, Mountain of Peace!...
The priest Paul Reck received me kindly and I told him, what was said against
him,
wishing ardently that he would say, that nothing was true.
I had to find out, that he wasn't worth to be my idol.
He raged around the room like a tiger in a cage,
his eyes and mouth spitting fury - even revenge.
After I had left him and the village,
the true hammer came down on me:
a letter from that slandering woman,
starting with two German proverbs:
"talking is silver, being silent is gold"
and
"what wants to become a hook, will twist early"
The priest wasn't whole enough to simply laugh at
the slandering
and to calm the pain of an immature girl.
He climbed the pulpit in his church and stormed against those who....
That woman heard him and thus knew, that I had "betrayed" her,
and now knew nothing better than rushing me into Satan's fire....
I, at the age of 15-16, wasn't whole at all.
I judged myself from morning to night with every breath.
Any judgment, slandering, blaming from the outside against me
found a wide open door in my sensitive soul.
Having read that letter over and over again,
I felt, I could not bear this guilt and shame,
I could only die.
And indeed, I walked towards the woods,
to find a place to put an end to my life.
I passed by a field,
where a mother and a daughter dug out potatoes.
An angel made them say to each other
"Hot dia aber schene Zepf",
or in good German:
"Hat die aber schoene Zoepfe!"
meaning: "What pretty braids that girl has
got!"
The same angel opened my ears to hear this sentence
and to instinctively use it as an anchor for my drowning boat.
I diverted from the track and asked them, if I could help them,
and they let me help them with the potatoes.
This stopped me from killing myself,
but not from seeing myself as the most abject creature in God's World.
Not until yesterday have I even understood,
that there has been a pain for 60x365 days,
which needs to be identified, healed and coped with.
It was 6 days ago, when I realized that the stage
had been set for a big lesson,
except that at first I was on the wrong track as to the content of the lesson.
I cannot tell here the details of the stage, the identity of the actors or
the process of the drama..
But I can and must tell the decision I took,
when the lesson became clear to me:
The pain about other people judging other people
is amplified a hundred times,
when family members are judging other family members.
I think that this became an issue, when the children started to connect with
mates.
The distance between the three siblings and their new families widened naturally.
And where they grew apart, there grew the temptation to judge each other.
How did I cope with the judging and the slandering?
Mostly like in the Hechingen case:
I held my tongue, and suffered silently,
or -more recently -
I silently "wombed" the judge as well as the judged
in my womb of acceptance and compassion.
But quite often I lapsed into another method,
which was - to defend the judged,
hoping to change the mind and prejudice of the judge.
I'll tell in a moment, why this cannot work.
But first I need to mention the third method, the Friedberg method:
in the hope, that the judged person could change something which made others
judge him,
I shared my predicament with the judged person,
which meant:
I gave away information,
which the judging person wanted to withhold from the judged.
Of course, usually the judged person didn't change what was judged,
but became mad at the person, whose judgment I had relayed.
Thus the person who had judged was informed,
that I had betrayed her - in her/his eyes.
There is no need to describe the result of that....
But back to the method of defending the judged.
It is self-defeating like the attempt to
"interrupt oppression."
When we learnt the theory about oppression,
the most accurate understanding on this issue I've ever heard,
[see puzzle piece 42, Victim and
Perpetrator, entry of 2001/12/11]
we were also advised "to s t o p oppression",
when it occurred in our presence.
It may happen, that the oppressed person, if s/he is present, feels a bit
of relief,
but what definitely happens, is,
that the oppressor feels blamed, guilty
and therefore "not worthy", or - my metaphor - "Cain".
I have experienced and experience the world at whole
as the outcome of people
feeling "Cains"
It is the same with defending one
of my children against another of my children.
The judging person feels blamed and guilty and hardens him/herself even more
and - looses trust in me.
As I said, until yesterday I wasn't even aware of
the problem,
that's why I couldn't cope with it.
Instead I either suffered or re-acted to my suffering.
Pain has to be felt, moved, accepted, but not to be acted on.
Some angel thought
that only a drastic experience could make me open my eyes.
And it did.
I now know and decide and share my decision with my family:
Only with my family!
For only in a circle of mutual dependence can we
heal.
Only if I am dependent on the other, will I not run away automatically when
triggered,
and only if the other is dependent on me, will s/he not run away when triggered
by me.
That's why my interactions nowadays are almost solely limited to my family
and a few friends,
some of them stemming from 60, 50 years, other from 30, 20 years, rarely less
than10 years.
If after all I'll "happen" to witness judgments of people against
people,
on whom I'm not dependent and who are not dependent on me,
I'll keep silent or walk out.
But in the circle of my loving mutual dependency
I'll do this:
Being always on the alert in situations of "chatting",
I'll be aware, if someone is going to pass judgments or slandering.
I'll interrupt this quite in the beginning thus:
"I understand,
that you feel angered or pained by the person you are talking about.
I am ready to listen lovingly, provided it is agreed between us,
that either you let me share your pain or anger with that person,
so that s/he can do something about it,
or - much better - you agree
that you yourself communicate with this person,
either in my supportive presence or without me."
This will imply,
that I'm not ready to listen to judgments and slandering
and then be commanded: "But mind you to
tell anything!"
If I train myself in behaving and acting like that,
I'll first of all liberate myself from a threefold suffering:
- to listen to judgments and slandering
- to defend people, thus causing "Cain" to amplify
- to leak the information, thus to bring down hell on myself.
But, maybe,
I'll open a chance for some real communication between the judge and the judged....
I'm deeply GRATeFULL for this experience and lesson
and for having been able to articulate it so clearly - at least for myself.
2009_07_21
I'm sorry to tell, that this "device" doesn't work either.
Family members, who will be interrupted in their slandering chatting, like
I suggested above,
will feel guilty and bad,
no matter when and how lovingly I interrupt.
There is only one option - as so often -
to let Body extend the "inhale
God and exhale Love",
love to those who judge
and love to those who are judged behind their back,
and love to my feeling of collaborating with the judges.
to former sculpture of my present
to next sculpture of my
present
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2009_07_20 Continuation of Day in a Cave and the Founding of the "Architectia-Band" I follow my understanding and new lekh-lekhâ on January 1, 2009, that - after 7 years - I should no longer create new pages on my 2 websites, but intermingle the evidence of new experiences with that on existing pages. Here I'm inserting a series about another Grandma-Day with the Quartet which took place at Bet-Nehemya on Shabbat, July 18, 2009, while Immanuel flew to Bangkok, and Efrat and Mika traveled to Acco, to Efrat's parents. |
| "Architectia"
2009 |
ninth page |
More "Body-Building",
first with the "little ones" on the "big ones", then vice
versa
Itamar is squeezed like a worm by big Arnon
Are they exhausted now?
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No , they have yet another idea of "body-building",
or "Architectia", a term suddenly invented by Ayelet
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Micha comes to fetch his children, while their cousins have to wait a bit longer, until Ronnit and their elder siblings, Rotem and Jonathan come and fetch them
In between the Four make a double covenant with one hand of each
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Since the 7 hours were so wonderful |
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I prefer to close this series with the laughter of two of them,
when they let themselves fall to the ground in their "Architectia"
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Continuation of images about Human Towers in Catalonia
in Finetuning 2007:
What are the Conditions for Heaven-on-Earth (3)
| "Architectia"
2009 |
ninth page |