no date
Mother Pages
Reflections from the Will
Greetings - I am finding all four parts in
me
and seeking the balance that feels so far away.
The feeling of Will/Body alignment
followed shaking wracking pulsing pain
moving up through my feet
and intensely felt in the lower chakras.
This alignment was followed by a period of despair
over not being able to feel heart
and not having a Spirit/Will alignment
that would come easy.
Spirit likes to rule.
Will likes to play yin/yang and move.
So I had the despair over not feeling heart presence.
Heart presence appears though in episodes of not knowing what
I feel.
"Yes, and the rule of Spirit
has done damage to and diminished Heart,
and it is time the rules change.
I no longer wish to relate with Will as I had,
from the position of ruler,
and this is the essence of the healing work for Spirit
in relation to Will.
New Heart can never be born
if Spirit is not responsive to Will,
rather than the other way around,
as I had tried to make it work."
Your page feels intimidating to me
where you say
the damaged Will pieces cannot handle your light.
I think if they are willing to deal with their nausea over your
arrogance
they can handle it and do you some grounding good in the process.
"Thank you for this reflection.
Most who have related with me in the past
have experienced the effects of the superiority imprint
that has plagued the Spirit polarity,
and of course this has often been felt to be intimidating.
I had used my superior position to enforce my rule
because, of course, I believed I was right.
I no longer believe that.
"Partly in an attempt to balance the damage
caused by Spirit's rule,
I had recently taken a protective role
relative to the Mother's deepest pain,
and one manifestation of that has been
a caution to her
that my light here on this web site may be irritating.
That caution was made more than a year ago in your terms,
and since then the Mother and I have moved closer to each other
and have created much New Heart.
"Until now, however, I had been unaware
that my expression of that caution
was feeling like arrogance on your side.
On that page, which is now removed, I had said:
'I wish to say something to those humans
who are holding the more damaged parts my Desire,
the Mother of Creation.
There is still a Gap here between us.
Please understand
that there is not yet enough Heart with us in Creation,
and especially in this electronic medium, for complete acceptance
and trust.
'I am moving toward Heart as quickly as I am able
and with all the resources of Spirit I can muster to close this
Gap.
I take responsibility for it being here in the first place,
and for all the damage and pain this has caused you,
Body and Heart and the rest of Creation.
'You, the Mother of Creation are my Desire,
and our reunion is my quest.
Yet I must ask you
to please back away from me here for a little while,
if you find my Light irritating.
My expression here can still trigger memories
of the ten thousand times our Heart has been broken,
burned and torn apart,
and the millions of my promises to you
that have turned out to be only treachery and betrayal.
'I have set out to change everything that has been before,
and to offer you the kind of Light and devotion
that will enable us to heal ourselves and Body,
and for the first time ever, manifest Real Heart.
I still have more healing to do in myself
before I can again come directly to your most damaged parts.'
"I want to emphasize that I
when I spoke of my Light being irritating here,
I was referring to this medium as a carrier of my expression
which has been primarily intended for the spirit polarity,
and that expression itself
which is often too staccato and telegraphic
for comfortable expression to many parts of the Will.
I was not speaking of my Light
as you experience it coming directly to you from me,
which feels very different."
"Computers and digital technology in general
are very spirit polarized.
The internet as a medium of expression
is even more so
because the level of virtuality is so very high
relative to the level of the realities it tries to convey.
This is why I suggested
that printing these pages and reading the words on paper
may help in reducing the irritating quality I mentioned.
Spirit has been irritating enough to Will already
without adding an additional level of discomfort.
"Another factor that prompted my caution is
that when I feel into the Mother's pain,
I get a strong urge to protect her
from further reenactments of the traumas of the Gap.
I wish to protect her from me as I was,
and yet I want her to find me as I am
without any denials of my own Light,
and that condition is not yet present in me.
"She and I are moving still closer on many levels,
and because we are again drawing very near to each other,
my terror of reversals has been triggered.
I know that a serious reversal now could be
too much for either of us to recover from,
and I feel the need to do
whatever I can here on my side of the Gap to avoid that.
You may have been feeling my unexpressed fear in those words of
caution,
so I'll say it now plainl
that I am afraid of another devastating reversal in our healing
work.
"Although I wish not to be arrogant,
I feel that in relation to the Mother's most damaged parts,
the responsibility to be cautious near the Gap
and protective of both the Mother and myself
is primarily mine.
And my primary concern here is to cause no more harm.
"Because in previous attempts at healing
I have enticed the Mother to relate with me
before I was free of denials,
I am very wary of doing this again now.
In the past whenever we had gotten this close,
and have seen each other on the other side of the Gap,
there has been a strong urge to jump across it
and put an immediate end to all the suffering in Creation.
And of course, each time that happened,
it happened with essence still in denial,
and there was a devastating reversal.
"Because we are here again at the edge of the Gap,
I wish to be cautious and protective,
and this has been my motivation
in warning the Mother away from me here in outer 'form'
and particularly in this medium.
I feel that until I am free of denials
my Light here is still dangerous to her most damaged, lost and
outcast parts.
"As I have said,
Spirit and Mother essence can find union only in your heart,
and I can not come to you directly through these web pages
or other forms of outer communication.
These outer manifestations can be very helpful
as representations of my Light,
and can be useful to help distinguish my Light
from other spirit essence seeking contact within you."
This manner of expression does not mean
that I do not love or appreciate your work.
I wrote you before
just after I heard directly for the first time from God
and that God, in my sense of the word,
was all four parts with Spirit's loving intention and voice.
"Thank you.
And yes, 'God' has been a difficult word.
Because most spirits have it that God is male,
and because this is what I have been called all along,
I continue to use that term for myself.
Perhaps when I have no more denials of my Light
'God' will be an unnecessary moniker
because Spirit will be one.
For now I'm using the term 'God'
to mean the central, parental part of Spirit
and the term 'Deity' to include all four parts,
the totality of the Mother and myself
in union as Heart
and manifesting as Body.
I look forward to the reality of a completely unified 'Deity'
that would be universally known as 'God'."
Wherever
you get off telling the Will polarity
that your light is too bright, get off it.
Since my own inner will/body alignment
I am remembering ronaloka lifetimes
and recognizing my kinship
and knowing that I always have.
The heart part remembers
native american plains indian lifetimes
and even marriage and death
but has not remembered sacrifice lifetimes.
Perhaps fear would rather not feel them again.
"I have asked that the page you
mentioned be removed
and that a link to this page be made available
on both the introduction page
and the guide page of the Mother expression
section.
As I have mentioned in the introduction,
the time is now here for more connectedness
between the Mother and me in outer expression.
Our true communion, of course, can only happen
within you.
"As I said before,
I don't expect the Mother's most damaged parts to trust me yet.
Only when I have become fully congruent,
with no more denials of Spirit,
can I be helpful to her
in the pain of her suffocation, hopelessness and despair.
And only then can she and I hope to experience Real Heart,
the true medicine of healing.
When I am fully whole as Spirit,
I will come to the Mother in you directly,
and not through words on a web site or in books."
Will your website be moving into the area
of finding the four parts within?
This is the responsibility I feel the red book [of
Right Use of Will] asks us
to assume and to get on with it.
The other awareness that is present with me now is
that the imprints governing predatory behavior
are not natural and are not original and are not necessary.
"Yes, in fact the next lesson of the healing class
will focus on finding and working with the four parts within,
and finding the balance
that precedes the healing of all four parts.
Your question touches on some serious issues in the healing work
because of a misunderstanding some have
about the role of humans in the healing between Will and Spirit.
I would like to take the opportunity of your question to say some
more about this.
"This work can only be accomplished
in humans
who are willing and able to embody all four parts of Deity.
However, it is important to work with others
who also have the intention of healing into wholeness.
The only difficulty here is
that gaps and reenactments of our early traumas are created
when two people try to heal together with each representing just
one part of Deity.
Reenactments are caused
when the spirit essence of the person representing the Mother
is projected onto the one representing Spirit,
or the Will essence of the person representing Spirit
is projected on to the one representing Will.
"There is a lot more to this work at the human level
than most have yet understood,
and many people working very hard at healing
haven't yet realized that neither the Mother nor
I
are going to come to them from the outside
in the form of a web site, books, or another person.
Those who believed so
would be projecting part of themselves out onto the written words
or the other person.
Projection at the level of parts of Deity
can create the kind of gap
that allows asuras, the spirits of denial,
death and destruction, their easiest access to humans.
The energy that comes from the depths of this kind of gap seeks
to kill Heart,
and of course causes reversals in the healing work.
"In order for one to project essence onto another,
it must be denied in the one where it belongs.
That denial opens a gap, even
if the denial is conscious
and just for the convenience of the healing drama.
Whenever a gap is opened,
there is an opportunity for asuras to enter the relating,
as they did originally when the Mother and I first began to realize
the existence of each other.
"The results in present time with humans
are then quite similar to the results we had originally,
and there is a new reenactment of the original trauma.
Healing happens in the closing of gaps, not in their opening.
"There is however, an important
healing opportunity
when asuric energy is present.
The asuras are spirit essence, also known as denial spirits,
that have captured fragments of lost Will
in order to hold themselves in existence.
These fragments are among the most tortured and damaged parts
of the Will,
and many have been cut off from both the Mother and me
since before the original explosion that
fragmented the rest of the Will.
"Will fragments who
have had to identify with the asuras
because the only light they've known
has been the light of their captors' hate and denial
have been very heavily judged against by just about everyone.
And they've been the most lost of the lost Will.
The healing of Creation
depends on our abilities
to discern the difference between the innocent Will fragments
who unknowingly opened to the dark light of the asuras,
and the asuras themselves.
A judgment that would be good to release
here is
that you are bad because you have held open space for hatred and
denial,
or that another person is bad because they have done that.
The next step would be to send the asura
to me
and reclaim the lost Will for the Mother in you.
"There will be much more on this subject
and on finding and balancing the four parts later in the healing
class,
but this can serve as an introduction to these issues.
Thank you for asking.
And yes, I agree predatory behavior is neither natural nor necessary.
Part Five of Lesson Three of the
Healing Class begins a discussion
of how this behavior got started and how we can heal it."
Do not patronize the Will people and decide
for them
what they can handle even though you do this with loving intent.
Open yourself and let things move.
"Thank you for recognizing that my intent is positive.
I would call it 'healing intent' rather than 'loving intent'
because in the past I've had many denials
of my own Light,
and much hate, violence, terror and rage has hidden under a veneer
of 'love'.
The priority of 'healing' helps me sort through those denials,
and I'm grateful that you have pointed out yet another.
"It is a good lesson to know
that you have felt intimidated and patronized by
what I intended as protectiveness.
And I feel that our exchange here has acknowledged healing work
on both sides of the Gap,
and that our prospects for more healing are very good.
It is my wish that we proceed from these 'outer' experiences of
relating
to more experiences on the inside
that are based on the deepest appreciation and respect for each
other.
"And how could I resist a suggestion to open myself and let
things move?
Even though there is anger in your expression,
there is very clear concern for true healing,
and that Spirit be more responsive to Will.
That is my concern as well,
and our alignment here bodes well for Heart.
Thank you again for these reflections from the Will."
