3a-2002_08

The Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

to help me and my potential P E E R s

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

50 days of Moving and E-volving Emotions Manual - 19th day, August 1, 2002

I feel so dumb
I feel so stupid
My mind feels
totally blocked

"digital images~~~"
"compression~~~"
"parameter=
"variable which determines form of function;
value which is transferred to a function or program
and affects its operations (computer)"
"parameter=
that which determines the structure of a system"

So I throw back my kneeling bench,
I kneel half-way to strain my thighs,
I slap my belly with my hands
I moan and bark and sigh

2013

The FELT days 75, 76, 77, 78 ~ of the next 15 FELT years

1 5 y e a r s = 5 4 8 0 days of
g e f u e h l t e - g e f u e l l t e Z e i t "inmitten der Ewigkeit",
f e l t - f i l l e d t i m e "amidst eternity"
from the beginning of my 76th till the completion of my 90th year [unless I'll die after all]
"A dream is our life on Earth ...we measure ...(it) in space & time" -see 2013 songs August Nr. 4-
Yes, I, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, want to measure my life on Earth in space & time!
4 days of feelings will be inserted on each of the 1400 pages [set up between 2001-2008]
continuing with M E E M and then following the order of folders and files on my "local site".
The feeling chosen from a day is exhibited in max. 7 lines per day since August 28, 2013
On 6 days of the week I learn, but Shabbat is dedicated to my main feeling: grate-full-ness.
Since feelings must be vibrated~ wombed, each day closes with a song, fitting the 7 lines
To challenge myself like that -while not knowing what will be "staged"
in my personal and in the world's drama till 2028 , exhilarates me!

2013-11-12- Tuesday - still 5409 days

Obviously "Ma'ayan" appeared - not in order to take over what should be done in the exterior world, but to usher in pretexts for a wealth of feelings and not only in me: I asked B. if he had a tool to open the fence that blocks my path.
His reaction "is it allowed?", triggered my Nazi-time trauma. He, in turn, 'farted'-pitiless!

song: Jede Faser meines Wesen...meine Liebe

2013-11-13-Razi's birthday- still 5408 days

An ancient feeling: pressure! I rid myself from all actions and interactions which poisoned my joie de vivre for 70 years. And now I "have to" live up to my decision to not surrender to the blockade of a public path. Does Obama feel this pressure? He promised to close Guantanamo and to not allow Syria chemical weapons!

Song: Pressure, fear, my feeling

2013-11-14-Thursday- still 5407 days

Ofir: 'You taught me to turn mafri'a le-mafrae.'
But this is premature. I still must f e e l what this blockade and the people with whom I interact because of it, brings up. And I must limit the time for it to 1-2 hours per morning.
I'll exemplify how to not succumb, but fight in a partnership-way: turn enemies into partners

Song: ha-aretz shaelkha, ha-aretz shaeli

2013-11-15-Friday- still 5406 days

I read "1996 Testament": upheaval in my soul, 'ceterum censeo'! It's the time to destroy.
To begin I called Gadi. Info about Avi Dror:
installed a water pipeline to the Succayah!
We both trembled, fearing that Avi will not respect the treaty between the three of us.
I left into the night at 21:20>an angel, Ofir!

alaikh lintotz, lintosh -2013 songs March Nr.1

la-hafokh mafri'a le-mafrae - to turn frightful into fruitful

Open to surprises in kicking feelings!

Philip Ratner: Miryam

Find your gold-grains, find surprises!

see context in "Felt Feelings", Oct. 25.

continuation ~~~November 12, 2013, still 38 days till Mika's 8th birthday

November 12, 2013

Orange Book INTRODUCTION, p. I-V

If the way had been known, at any time earlier,
to understand and heal,
which means, in this case, to change the original imprinting
put in place by primordial experiences
at the very beginning of Creation,
before there was time, relativity, or consciousness
with which to measure these things,
it would have been a much shorter and easier process to heal,
in some ways, then it is now.

After so many long eons of conditioning
from repeated experiences governed by imprinting,
it seems overwhelming to heal it,
yet in other ways and from other perspectives,
this many layers of conditioning
in the myriad of patterns form has been able to present here
must have been necessary for certain aspects of consciousness
to feel ready, not only to look at this, but to understand,
not only that this imprinting has to be healed, but also, how to heal it. .... Imprinting was not known to have had the presence it has had,
nor was it known how it was put in place.
This is mostly because it all took place
when consciousness was still at the subconscious level
and because the bridge has never been allowed to be built
in a steady progression of steps
from the subconscious to the conscious
without breaks in the connection which caused gaps or blank spots.

After I have taught for so many years - I, the only one -
that the New Testament's claim:
Giving is more blessed than receiving,
is a horrid error,
I finally see this understanding in a channeling from "Veronica"
A Simple Process

".... Often a healer will be zealous in their desire
to give as much energy as possible to those who desperately need it.

This full giving can, however, deplete the healer,
hindering the ability to help others as they would like.

In physical reality,
everything that exists does so based on an exchange of energy.
This occurs right down to the molecules and atoms
that create the substance of the linear.
As a giver gives, it is important that they also allow themselves to receive.

Leaving yourself out of the queue can have difficult consequences, especially if you are zealous in your desire to give.

Allow others the opportunity to give back.
It helps their own internal process as well,
allowing them to feel that ebb and flow of energy.

Remember the process: Ebb and Flow.

It was the way it was designed, ... give, receive, give, receive.

Driving Backward to July 2000 and getting nurtured again by "The Mother"

By the end of June 2000
the heat at the SaltSea had become so unbearable,
especially at night,
that I felt, I had to give up my abode and my goal,
and again find refuge in the flat of Immanuel, my son.
I could open "Godchannel.com" on my son's computer
but my own website was established by him only in 2001,
when I moved to a rented flat, partly paid by my children.
On 2000-07-13 I copied passages from Godchannel>Mother Teachings
by hand - into my tiny diary and called them:

ALLOWING HEART to STAY PRESENT during EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT

"I wish to now begin 'teaching'
the sweet nuances of emotional movement inside of love,
and inside of Body.
...
to help you find me and 'hear' me
where I am most truly present ~in you,
and now most intensely, in your lower chakras ~
where my movement has been the most pained.

"... lessons... from Spirit
that now must be....rounded into wholeness
so that Heart may be reborn outside of Hell,
may live inside of you,
in your open and wondering Body.
....
for if we deny out our Heart while we move emotion ~
[like I do by trying to be a "good" mother, trying to heal alone and hold this pain,
where it cannot do damage. to return to the SaltSea
in order to not trigger Immanuel and not burden Ronnit
then we turn predator ~
and our Heart,
living out there away from us now, turns prey.

We will unknowingly, unwillingly seek to kill Heart
if we try to move emotions without Loving Light present.

"Listen, be quiet
and listen to how terrifying it feels
to move rage inside of love.
Loveless rage feels stronger, more powerful,
more able to protect, enact, embody,
do everything we cannot do ~
if we keep rage inside of love.
Yet rage cannot heal outside of love,
our hearts cannot heal
without their strong pounding force of loving rage...

"Hummmm ~
buzzzz your lips with sound ~
let the sound take a rhythm.
And let your Will move a little,
vibrate a touch ~
then pull a thread of golden Loving Light ~
open a little space,
and let God's Love find that small movement.

....
"Hummmm, and sway ~
find the rhythm of the feeling,
connected with Light and love,
and let the swaying movement
and the hummmm hummmm hummmm move your feelings,
let your feelings move the hummmm,
and remain connected to loving light.
God wishes to connect with Me inside of YOU ~
and I am desperately waiting for you to open to him.

"I am tired of maiming and killing from within you
in the name of 'Emotional Movement' ~
there is no real movement
if it doesn't move toward healing.
There is no healing in unloving attacks ~
there IS healing if real pain is met with deep love,
and rage is met with loving understanding,
and not gapped terror.
And not from outside of the self,
but met from deep within the self ~
there can be no outer reflection of love,
unless inner presence of love
is allowed, sought after, nurtured, and treasured.
My judgment against my Heart
is the second oldest wound in creation,
and it cannot be ignored by screaming about the oldest.

"I RELEASE THE JUDGMENT
THAT KEEPING HEART PRESENT DURING EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT
WILL KILL ME, OR WILL KILL MY HEART.

"Repeat this
when the first tremors of held emotion come rolling forward.
It will move us along a much more gentle and loving path
toward the wholeness and love we desire."

The Mother of Brokenheartedness

November 13, 2013
The third step in the exterior world towards the opening of my path through the Wadi of Compassion
(after having been disappointed by the young people)
I wrote this e-mail to the Zim-Building Company,
which - according to the poster above the Wadi -
is responsible for the "Project Rom-Ha-Tayelet" at Arad.

At the same time I called the number given there,
which after 4 attempts led me to Tamar 073-7962555.
She, indeed, confirmed the mail.

The next day, on Nov. 13, 2013, I wrote again:

in the mail "subject" I got the name of the project wrong,
so I sent the letter another time with "Rom-Ha-tayelet"

The path
through
the Wadi of Compassion
through
the lower fence
up to
the blocked fence
towards the road

The path
as it arrives
at the blockade

The poster of "Rom-Ha-Tayelet"
above the fence

About this ascent from the road towards
the blocked path,
Ofir said, that no, it was just an ascent
to the sideway, not to the path

Nov. 13, 2013, 12:13

After the phone-"discussion" with "Yakob",
the person to whom Tamar of "Zimbuilding"
delivered my e-mails with the attached photos:

This time I cannot wait for tomorrow's 7 felt lines.
I shake and tremble and cry out my powerlessness.
First: I'll never again use my Dr. to earn respect.
Instead of respect
farts of triggered people are thrown in my face,
(Matan, that dog-owner, also ridiculed the 'Dr')
Instead of responding to my claim, he attacked:
The Grave-of-Grace is on private property!
[see photos on Aug.19 and on Nov. 13]
How do you dare.........
And so is the entire slope up to the road:
It is private property.

[my ears are ringing with Rafael's mockery,
when we moved across Germany in 1962:
"Rasen Betreten Verboten", to step on the lawn is forbidden.
He meant to say: that's what Germans are good at,
to forbid, to forbid, to forbid.

My heart aches - remembering
"the fight for a tree and the flight to Egypt".]

I said to Yakob:
"But there is an opening at the side!"

"Soon a gate will block this , too!
tractors will be working there
and I shall not allow anyone to be endangered
[how is this nation, Israel, surrendering
to security and safety threats!]
I'll not allow anyone to enter there,
even if the municipality of Arad
or the highest State-attorney should demand it."

I could see his ego swelling with bombastic self-confidence
and who was I, Rachel, the pathetic Dr. of Jewish Thought

I said: "but even if the entire slope is "private real estate",
I very well know the new towns of Modi'in and Shoham:
Everywhere between the buildings there are walkways!!"

For once he became a tiny bit lenient:
"Once the project will be accomplished, there will be a walkway through it,
but that will take a year and a half
("a year and a half???what illusion!" I thought bitterly),
until then you'll have to find alternative pathes."

With this "consolation" he cut me off.

So far "the story".
What about my feelings?
And what should I do "next"?
Or should I succumb and-NOT DO?

Feelings first:
I hear the sweet voices of Tristram-starlings.
They transport me into "a better World"......

The main feeling is powerlessness,
so often have I been in this situation,
where "authority" squashed me like an ant.
But the path-issue is more than personal,
I feel like I am a pioneer of all the humans,
who are succumbing to other humans' force
The end of such succumbing is -"holocaust".

Another feeling is - to be forsaken,
not only by my "friends" at Arad,
but by whoever could stand up, but doesn't.

A third feeling is - yet another time - SHAME.
"How do you even think you can change this!
And what's the big problem anyway!"
I'll womb and vibrate before going on.

November 14, 2013
The Partnership-Way of TURNING ENEMIES and ADVERSARIES into PARTNERS - 2nd letter to "Yakob"

I caught Ofir, when he came home from work.
I guessed, that he wasn't keen to come to me,
"so that I can share with you my path-plight",
as I had asked him to do - already 2 days before.
When he feels uncomfortable, his device is, to simply "forget".
"I am on your side, but if it is a construction-site,
they are allowed to fence it in."
Having pity on me, he reminded me of what I said to him,
when he asked me to free a path for his tractor in 'my' garden:
la-hafokh aet ha-mafri'a le-mafrae, to turn frightful into fruitful.
But what is demanded - is, to turn adversaries into partners.

To the European TV Channel 3SAT
concerning an item in the scientific daily program "Nano"
about: why do we yawn?

Lieber Ingolf Baur,
ich rede Sie so an, weil immer wenn ich Ihre oder Tina Mendelssohn's ausgezeichnete Moderation sehe, mir nicht nur der Verstand sondern auch das Herz aufgeht....

Ich bin Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam (Ph.D.in Juedischem Denken) in Israel.

Weil ich nun gehoert habe, dass keine einleuchtende Theorie zur Frage, warum wir gaehnen, vorhanden ist, erlaube ich mir, aus meiner "heiligen Routine" herauszuspringen und Ihnen - ganz persoenlich - zu erzaehlen, wie ich mit meinen 75 Jahren das Geschenk des Gaehnens erfahre, erlebe.

Gaehnen hat eine aehnliche Funktion wie das naechtliche Traeumen (das Verarbeiten des Erlebten) oder noch besser: wie das Weinen des Kleinkindes: irgendetwas tut ihm nicht gut, dem Leib oder der Seele,
und da weint es oder schreit es.

Weinen und Schreien sind zwei Weisen, das was nicht gut tut, zu VIBRIEREN. Fuehlen ist - wie alles andre - Vibration, aber wenn das was gefuehlt wird, "schwer" oder gar "zu schwer" ist, dann muss dies eben noch mehr "vibriert weren", und zwar in voller Akzeptanz und Annahme.
[Im Englishen und Hebraeischen hab ich dafuer ein Verb erfunden: "to womb". Der Mutterleib ist eine Metaphor fuer Null-Dualitaet.
Wenn es nur Dunkelheit gibt, kein Licht, nur Wasser, kein Nicht-Wasser, dann gibt es keine Wahl und also kein Richten, also eben nur Eins-Sein.]

Wie also vibrieren? Das kleine Kind lernt ja leider viel zu schnell,
dass es seinen Schmerz, seinen Zorn, seine Langeweile, seine Ohnmacht, seine Angst, seine Scham zurueckhalten, unterdruecken, verleugnen muss.
"Denial" ist das entscheidende Wort hier.

Ausser Bewegung, Toenen, Atmen in unendlichen Variationen ist auch das Gaehnen eine Art Vibration, eine Art der Bewegung und des Toenens (weiss grad nicht das deutsche Wort fuer "to sound"). Und warum tritt es vor allem (nicht nur) auf, wenn man muede oder gelangweilt ist? Weil ich dann weniger Kontrolle ueber mich habe, weniger zurueckhalte, mich weniger "zusammennehme". Ich selber beobachte dies staunend, wenn ich vor lauter Adrenalin nicht schlafen kann: langsam nimmt das Adrenalin ab und das macht Platz fuers Gaehnen und Seufzen usw., wie fuers Recken und Strecken. Noch klarer ist dies, wenn ich mir nach dem Aufwachen erlaube, noch im Bett zu liegen, oder, nach der Toilette, nochmals ins Bett zu steigen. Zum Adrenalinanstieg ist noch kein Anlass, also - im so-vor-mich-hin Denken und Fuehlen kommt das Gaehnen und Recken von selbst und ----heilt was noch nicht geheilt ist.

Das Gaehnen kommt uebrigens auch, wenn jemand die Gelegenheit hat wirklich ausgibig "bis zu Ende" zu weinen!

Natuerlich ist der Gaehn-Segen nicht genug, um "kickende" Gefuehle (mein Wort! denn wenn ich sagen wuerde "negative" Gefuehle, dann haete ich ja das Gegenteil getan von ihrer Annahme im Mutterleib), a) zu heilen, b) mich zu leiten, meine Situation zu waehlen bzw. zu meistern, c) mir Erfuellung zu schenken, d) sich als Gefuehle zu ent-wickeln (to evolve).
Wenn ich das Fuehlen nicht gelernt habe (und wer hat es schon gelernt), dann verschwindet das Ungeheilte ja nicht.
Mein "denial" bleibt in Leib-Seele stecken und richtet Unheil an,
entweder gegen den andern (Gewalt usw.) oder gegen mich selbst (Krebs).

Ich selber sehe mich as a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel.

Sehen Sie die 7 kurzen Zeilen rechts im Header meiner website
http://www.empower.co.il/healingkiss/index-2004-triptych.htm
Danke nochmals fuer SIE so wie Sie S I N D - im Fernsehn!
Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam

continuation