The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7		My new Midrash and song in 5 languages about the prophecy of Malachi 3, 16 ["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The Name]
1 2 3	How Learn And	I The Train	Heal Conditions In	Myself For Creating	Into Heaven Those	Whole On Conditions	Self-acceptance Earth Daily	Click!	Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk among each other, and he listens      and he hears yatakaalamuna     allathina     yarau'na-hu , va-yusri        va-yasma' Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander, und er lauscht      und er hoert Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent l'un a l'autre il entends,        il ecoute

The FOCUS of MY INTENTION TODAY

Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what may!
6:30
I desire to trust that the togetherness between the Quartet & Mika will be creative & "flowing",
I desire to also go outside - to one of the 2 underpasses - despite the heat & Mika's limited mobility
I desire to heal my anger about the kids' unreliability & to reach a trigger-preventing contract.
I desire to receive Efrat's inner consent to my returning to Arad after the end of "Quintet-Day"/
I desire that my Body - which awoke too early and is afraid of the strain today - will tell me,
if my plan to leave this evening - since Immanuel comes back from his flight to LA at 3 PM - is right

Did Isaiah in his world changing prophecy [7:14] about "Immanuel",
imagine that 2800 years later a family with the surname "Immanuel"
would own the farm Nr. 78 at Bet Nehemya in the center of the State of Israel,
and that their garbage bin would bear this name "Immanuel"- in huge letters?

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

6:55
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to the ease,
with which you digest food and eliminate what is unfitting!
Is the sour mango the cause of the diarrhea?
or the mix of too many other fruits - in addition to the grapes we bought,
also kernels of pomegranates from my tree at Arad,
and which Mika wanted me to peel out,
and also little pieces of an apple because of Mika's game with me:
- when I had to wake her up in the afternoon and she wasn't too pleased..
I brought her a plate with apples cut in different sizes, and her bottle,
and though I feared she would reject it, she received it with a great smile,
sat up and started to give ME the first piece and then alternate
between putting a piece in her own mouth and in my hand
- distributing the apple equally between us.
"Another one!", "But it's finished!" "There is another one in the fridge!"
I just came back to her with the still uncut apple and also a mango,
which I had promised her while we were in the grocery.
But then Efrat came home and we had a lovely laughing threesome
sitting on and next to Mika's bed , while I peeled the mango and cut the apple,
but except for me , nobody wanted to eat .
Now - at 7:32 - I feel you, my Body, have finished cleaning out everything,
and again I give thanks to you for bearing with my carelessness.

Bet-Nehemya, since 1950 on the land of the abandoned Arab Bet Nabala,
Pigeons are grown instead of poultry...
and a cycling laborer from Thailand greets me...

Finetuning to my Present: the "Quintet-Day", written the next day at Arad

[1]
As I told - Efrat and I had "rested our case" concerning the irreliable "Quartet",
when suddenly a chain of movements led to the last information on Monday night:
"Micha called me, asking, if his children could join the Shai-children tomorrow."
"When will they all come?" I asked suspiciously.
"Well --- they said: 'in the morning'!"
I knew, that we again had left a gap open, through which an arrow would hit us.
But I said nothing, hoping, my worry was stupid.

But, indeed, the next morning, when I had completed most of the "altar" above,
I hear noises which let me jump to the window: Uri was just reentering his car.
I left my room, just in time to hear Efrat's dismal remark: "they've come already",
before we saw the kids come in.
"One always learns more", said Efrat gloomily and I didn't say a word.
Only later, after Efrat had gone to work, I couldn't hold back anymore,
and among all "I had to say" about the carelessness and respectlessness of the kids
I also dragged in the other players of this game:
"Is that what you learn in your "Democratic School"?
For not only you kids are letting people "hang in the air"
- your teacher Deqel does thsi too!
She simply kept forgetting me , forgot even what we had fixed,
and though she knew how to appease me time and again-
I wonder about this ugly pattern !
Also your father: couldn't he have asked Efrat:
"Is it possible that I bring the kids already at 7:30, on the way to my work?"
It you had come on Sunday night, as Efrat suggested, and you had slept here,
it would have been different.
But to simply dump you here, while Efrat is getting ready for this day,
a day which she was afraid of anyway ...."


My own lesson was different:
There I had the two Shai kids at my hand , what should I do with them?
It's not the situation of 2001-2002, when- in addition to the weekly Grandma-Day Yael (5) and Itamar (3) came to me once a week, while my daughter studied.
Now, when they are without their cousins, they never feel at ease at me,
definitely not after they were woken up at 6:30, -an untimely hour during holiday.

All the devils of my shyness and embarrassment attacked me at once.
How many and devastating things have I done in my life out of embarrassment...
But no longer!
I now know, that those terrible feelings will lessen in intensity,
if I remember that "I'm in the process of dying to my righteousness".
[the origin of this phrasing came to my memory only on August 29!]
For what is embarrassment?
Isn't it the judgment, and then the feeling, that I have "to live up to expectations"?
That's what the devils were hissing into my ears:
'Yael and Itamar are expecting that you free them from their embarrassment,
they expect that you know what to do now,
so nobody will feel bored and everyone will feel at ease.'

Previously those devils would have "activated" me frentically,
even if Efrat would not have been around, leave alone - resentful!
If at least she had left them to me and minded her own business.
But she, like me, feels everyone's uneasiness.
and - much better than me - tries to make everyone feel at ease,
by "natural" questions in the hope they would lead to a "conversation".

And yet, this time I did not succumb neither to my own uneasiness, nor to Efrat's,
nor - and that was the first step of an olympic run during the entire day -
did I succumb to my terror, that Efrat would blame me for my family's disrespect.
"Who do they think I am, a kind of pension?"
I just breathed and felt and sensed all those terrible feelings.
And soon I had an idea, which I uttered in utter insecurity:
"When do you have to leave, Efrat~~~ maybe we could go out a bit~~~"
"Yes, you could do that, you would have 40 minutes!"
Then I was afraid of the kids - they were still sleepy, why would they want this!
"Would you like to go out, Yael?" - a faint "yes" ~~
"And you Itamar, would you like to go out to see this new environment?"
When he too agreed, I speedily grasped a bag
with mobile phone, camera and a bottle of water, put my sandals on and off we were.

"Please walk fast the4 minutes to the water-tower, because the road is so ugly.
Once we are on the trail to the underpass of the highway, we can walk slower."
The fast walking also suspended me the pressure that I should cause them to talk
When we reached the underpass, our time was already up.
I showed them the young dommim-tree, to remind them of our great experiences under the dommim tree on the Titora-Hill between 2001 and 2004,
and taught them also what a mulberry tree was,
because they were too small to grasp it,
when we sometimes passed one on the Titora Hill

Then I ran off - back - and let them come after me in their own pace,
so that Efrat could leave for work, while Mika was still asleep.

Finetuning to my Present: the "Quintet-Day", written the next day at Arad

[2]
I had promised Efrat to follow her instructions
concerning Mika's morning routine and breakfast,
and that I would, of course, report to her, as I had done the day before.
I didn't report, though, that poor Mika was woken up
by my screaming at Yael and Itamar
concerning all my frustration with their lack of caring and respect.

My screaming had begun, when Yael claimed,
that she couldn't use her mobile phone for talking ,
since the voice was drowned in a lot of noise.
I inquired , what about the guarantee, what about the company, which has its center at Modi'in, and even I had to go there to get my phone repaired.
No, she claimed, they simply wouldn't repair it.
This triggered the hole that waited to be triggered to one more degree!
"You simply don't care, Yael! That's the same story like the one with me!
If you can't get something done immediately, you simply forget about it!
How convenient!"
(While editing this, I suddenly understand, where and when that hole of
"I'm so reliable, I was beaten into reliability, so why can't you..."
developed into an abyss .... with Chanah, but I'm not going into that now...)


We were sitting in the living-room when I suddenly saw Mika
peeping around the corner of the few steps to Immanuel's study .
I went over to her, but it took some time, until I could make her cooperate.
This was an opportunity to not only change "the subject",
but to give "a task" to Yael and - as it turned out - even to Itamar..

While I was practising my "dying to righteousness" concerning my screaming....
I saw first Yael and then Itamar read a story to Mika
from books she had chosen herself.
Itamar did this so well, that I caught the chance to praise him eloquently,
which brought out an astonishing information:
"I'm volunteering twice a week
in the kindergarden of the Democratic School !".
While he read, I whispered into Yael's ear:
"What is it, that he does better than you?" "He is acting."
"He is also reading clearly, with a very good diction,
and looks at Mika ever so often to see, if she really understands,
while you, who read so much and so fast,
tend to forget that this is a little girl."
I was aware, that I was putting herdown in order to put Itamar up.
But I didn't know any better way
to compensate for my previous harsh critisism of his "escapist" behavior,
and then again - it was a training in "I AM NOT RIGHTEOUS!"

 

These images I took, before I started to put us through a lesson.
What was harder to bear than my guilt
(which is nothing but the patterned wish to stay "righteous"!!)
was the realisation, that Yael had totally forgotten the healing value of crying.
"I'm not crying, it's only tears in my eyes."

I reminded her of the childrens' song,
which I cherish so much:

song of the day I never ever cry, I'm not a crier baby, but why, mum, do the tears flow by themselves?

and encouraged her to follow Itamar's example,
though he too does everything to hide his tears.

"Did you ever see your father cry?
or your father's mother (a psychotherapist...)?
But when you squeeze your tears into your stomach,
the pain will stay there .. until...., until..."

Finetuning to my Present: the "Quintet-Day", written the next day at Arad

[3]

I mentioned that this would be a "Quintet-Day",
so where are the two missing kids?

Feeling uneasy with the two Shai kids from Modi'in
without their cousins from Mazkeret Batya,
I made Itamar call Arnon - it was already 8 o'clock.
Micha answered: "the children are still asleep."
Later Arnon called: "Our car doesn't move."
Still later Ayelet: "No battery!
We have to wait for an alternative car from the leasing company!"
But by then Mika was playing beautifully with both Yael and with Itamar,
and I was no longer worried. I only wondered, why this additional bug?
It wasn't to be the last one!

But then they came - Arnon hugged me and I laughed:
"You can say thank-you to Yael and Itamar,
that they got the hail of my anger,
otherwise I wouldn't be able to hug you now."
The communication between the Five began,
as Mika played with Itamar with a small hoop.
Itamar added a little plastic horse to the game,
and suddenly he cried in pain.
Mika had hurt him with this horse by accident.
"Tell him you are sorry!" I said to Mika.
But when Mika is horrified by the pain she has caused someone else,
she stages a scene as right now she had been hurt herself and begins to cry
so as to sidetrack people from what she had done.
I didn't allow it:
"Mika, you now pay attention to Itamar's pain!
All you have to say is, that you are sorry!"
So she said - with a light and clear voice: "ani mitzta'eret", I'm sorry,
and ran away.