| The
Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential P E E R s
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!" |
|
I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
|
|
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
January
18
- at Shoham
back to past ~~~~~
forward to future
image
of the day
My "illegitimate"
son suckles from his student mother
Heidelberg, February 1963 |
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
9:40
My Body, my Partner,
I give thanks to our ring-muscles [sphincters],
and the way they re-learnt to work harmoniously with our breathing-system,
"look at a suckling infant.-with
every suckling action:
* The mouth contracts
*The eyelids contract
*The hands contract into fists
*The feet contract
*The digestive tract works
*The anus contracts
*The urinary tract contracts.
(see
more in "Paula")
I give thanks to Tal, Alon's girlfriend,
whose love and letting herself be loved,
transformed my 16 year old grandson into becoming~~~Alon!
|
Immanuel had cooked for us for the entire
week,
before he and Alon left tonight at 3:30 to fly to Zuerich,
to meet there with Dita
and Gideon
and drive to the Italian Alps to meet the rest of the skieing family.
Since we all agreed, that people precede washing the dishes,
I got Efrat's permission this morning to do this chore,
a chore I enjoy, like I enjoy almost every house-work.
I secretly "took control of" some more places that screamed
for order,
and then took care of my own room with its dust-and hair-sucking carpet,
- other people had used the room during the last week.
Since no vacuum cleaner nor even a comfortable brush is available,
it's quite a good exercise for Body to make everything shine,
as I need things to shine, before I can relax into my "real work".
My "real work" right now is to learn and think, heal and
create
with the help of the computer, the Internet, photos and sounds.
Nella, the new dog, didn't let us sleep tonight,
the vet, to whom Efrat and Immanuel took her at 10 PM, said,
it might be whooping-cough, and gave prescriptions.
When I got up - too fast compared to my usual
morning cuddling in bed -
I felt like a zombie,
but walked Nella fast on the half-built track across the ruined hill,
and when returning to the road, fenced in by shrubs,
I picked a few pretty flowers and little branches with berries
and caused Mika to delight in them, especially in the berries.
Lately she doesn't want to go to the kindergarden
and today desperately held on to the little bowl with the berries,
as if they could spare her whatever she dreaded..
We do not yet understand, what is behind this new behavior.
When Mika saw me through the car window yesterday she smiled,
but when Immanuel opened the door for me and I squeezed myself in,
she almost cried, not wanting me to relate to her at all.
The same happened, when Alon, her step-brother came 2 hours later.
Just now - 11:15 - we had our guesses about this phenomenon,
when Efrat came back with the antibiotics for Nella and the scissors
for my hair,
(not bought , since they cost 1700 NIS - but borrowed from her hairdresser).
Usually I sit on a seat around the back-side
exit,
so as to not be disturbed by the driver's radio,
but when extending my ticket card (6 fares),
I heard a song, which I cherish,
"Time
to say Goodbye".
song by a man, maybe by Placido Domingo
(who should have sung the new
Spanish National Anthem now,
but despite 5000 proposals they couldn't agree on the new lyrics..).
I therefore sat down on the seat behind
the driver, next to a Bedouin woman.
And let myself be touched and pushed by entering passengers....
Though it's only about 48 minutes to Beersheva,
Body always suffers, when it has to sit "put"...
Just when we entered the bus-station where
I had photographed it on Jan. 2,
the male voice returned to "Time to say Goodbye" and
this time
not only I and the driver were humming the song, but some other
passengers too.
It was Elah,
my eldest granddaughter, who acquainted me with the song in
2002. |
Let
me now finetune to the flow of how I lived,
since I left computer, castle, garden and pool in Arad:
For once I jumped out of the pool in time
and did not have to race to the bus-station as usual.
This granted me to see an "ordinary" view on my way
[see left] with
new eyes.
I also had time to take a photo of the "Metropolitan"
bus itself.
That three new companies broke the monopol of the historic "Egged"
company,
is, for me at least, still remarkable, with its advantages and
disadvantages.
"Why?"
said the driver in English, with that
gesture of one hand, which means:
"What are you doing? What's this supposed to mean?"
And then in Hebrew: "Do you
talk Hebrew?"
So often people think I'm a tourist, which I'm not so pleased
about...
"Your bus is part of my life",
I said cheerfully, when I entered.
"Is it?" he
said gladly, "then I could
bring you a better picture!"
|
I had - as usual - 9 minutes to run over to
the train-station and reach the train.
But alas - masses of soldiers and students crowded in front of the
security-belt.
Nobody was pleased with the situation, as I overheard people talking:
"Don't worry, the train will wait!"
"No it won't , lets take a taxi together to the University station!"
"Are you crazy?" said a soldier,
"I've free fare and you want me pay for
a taxi?"
And, indeed, - I couldn't believe it myself
- the train left and left many of us behind.
"Please, explain this!" I
asked politely.
"3 weeks ago, in the backpack of a soldier one and a half kilo
explosives were found!
Since then also the backpacks of soldiers are checked,
and Sundays and Thursday, when soldiers flock to the army or back
home,
you simply must come earlier!"
"But my bus from Arad arrives just in time for me to reach the
train!"
 |
Before I put my own backpack and handback
on the security-belt,
I asked this woman, what had happened,
and she referred me to a nice man -
the one behind the man in white and to the right of the two
soldier women - and he explained it to me gently:... |
I looked at the empty train-tracks with 50
minutes time to wait,
and when I just wanted to inform Immanuel of the postponement,
I got a call - could I believe it ? - another call from Diana.
I wasn't pleased: "Let me relax
first , call me in 10 minutes."
At least I had "time" now. When she
called again, I began:
"Two days ago I finetuned into my latest
phone-interactions,
but in the end it was you, whom I skipped for lack of time,
and now you come to me again as if through the backdoor?"
She laughed, ---not a free laughter, seeing
that I was upset.
She told me her predicament - in this case with her own self.
"And what do you want from me, Diana,
haven't
we agreed, that I won't be your teacher etc. etc."
"I don't see you as a teacher, I see you as the one person,
who listens in a way that I find clarity about myself."
"Don't you remember that big hammer on my head,
when you wrote: 'Why didn't you tell
us,
that screaming our pain into the toilet or the forest,
wasn't all there was to "moving
emotions"?'
"I remember, but..."
I made it very clear to her,
that I didn't know how to solve my own problem,
my problem with communicating to her,
and that therefore my tone would be angry.
I even allowed myself the discharge of a specific feeling,
warning her before and after, that these were my feelings,
and not something she needed to react or respond to:
"If my understanding is so important to
you,
so why do you run to study Anthroposophy,
which, it seems to me, goes into the opposite direction,
why don't you learn - not from me - but with me?
Isn't my website meant to share with people,
how I apply my learning and knowing to my life
my life day after day after day after day?"
Later I became a bit afraid,
that she might take these words as "facts" after all,
in which case she might conclude,
that my anger resulted from hurt ego,
and not from my inability to find a way of relating to her.
So, "what's so bad about being
misjudged?"
or even:
"what's so bad about having a
hurt ego?"
I release these judgments!
When I came this far -12:10 - Mika returned
from her kindergarden.
(It's Friday, Eve of Shabbat, today!)
and exclaimed: "Prakhim,
prakhim", "flowers, flowers",
meaning the flowers and berries I had brought
her in the morning.
A Lesson, NOT "too
late for the learning"
Since it had suddenly become much warmer,
I suggested to take Mika to the berry shrubs outside,
before she would eat her lunch and have her afternoon-nap.
In hindsight I can't understand why I suggested to take Nella too.
Hadn't I only recently warned Efrat
of taking Mika with one hand and Nella with the other?
Little did I know, that I was beginning to stage a drama.
I've expressed a desire for the time of my "pregnancy",
expressed in the title of each of the Kiss-Log pages,
and someone decided that I needed a bit more pushing.
"Can you handle both, Mika and Nella?"
"Yes!" I said ,
with a bit too much self-confidence.
The beginning of our outing was simply exhilarating.
Once Mika panicked , when an extremely noisy truck passed by on the
other side of the shrubs,
the berries fell from her box and the was determined to pick them all
up from the ground.
Nella, my future lesson, was still so gentle, that even Mika could hold
and lead her.
 |
 |
But then we turned into the road-under-construction
on that hill, which I
keep mentioning.
Tonight Efrat said: "We finally
need to give a name to this hill"
(and definitely not the future name of the neighborhood
that is being built under our angry noses).
"Let's call it the Dommim-Hill, after all
there is a Dommim tree on top."
I wondered , how she remembered my story about
that tree after my first visit on the hill a year ago?
In 2002, while still living close to the Titorah-Hill at Modi'in,
I took care of a Dommim-Tree day after day,
See My
Sidra Tree or Ziziphus Spinachristi and
personal contact with ancient Modi'in,
Also: a central part of my
daily program with Tomer , my foster grandchild, was to have lunch
under that tree.
But at Shoham last year it wasn't worthwhile to keep the path open
when the thicket in spring made it unpassable.
The bulldozers and shuffledozers came to ruin the tree's environment
anyway. [See on January 22]
The drama, the lesson, began,
when the three of us turned away from traffic,
and walked on the new track around the Dommim-Hill.
My cursed-good heart overcame me and I freed Nella!
At first, she stayed with us and I remember,
how a feeling of overwhelming exhilaration expanded my heart.
The blue sky, the fantastic weather, little Mika and little Nella
with me,
what more could one desire!
It was at that exact moment, that Nella strayed from the track.
I lifted Mika on my arms and started to chase after the dog.
The more a chased, the more both Mika and I screamed: "Nella
come here",
the more she went her own way - further and further towards the highway!
Someone heard my prayer, for just 3 meters from its edge she took
a turn.
Not towards us though, as I had hoped!
So we kept chasing her and Nella kept ignoring us
(I won't write the dirty slang used in such
a case...).
I became hysterical,
I became exhausted,
time and again my eyes lost her,
Mika screamed with fear, when I wanted to put her down,
soon we would reach Keshet-Street opposite our veranda,
and again Nella would be endangered by the traffic.
Maya, my dog in
my bus, got herself killed that way, in 1988,
and though I understood right away, what had caused her to commit
suicide,
I couldn't overcome my grief for 3 years.
Finally I called Efrat:
"Please come to the entrance of that track
from Keshet Street!"
When she didn't understand me at first, I repeated it screaming.
"Stop being hysterical!"
"You would be hysterical too in my case!"
Finally we found each other,
but I could only point into the direction where I had last seen Nella.
"I'm receiving my punishment",
I said ,
- for having bragged, that I can manage with
both Mika and Nella!"
Because of my hystery, Efrat was able to adapt the opposite attitude.
After some vain attempts of calling "Nella,
come here!" she said:
"Let her go! the more we chase her, the
more she will defy us!
And if she'll get lost, 
 |
"Nella, come here, Nella come here,
Nella will you finally come here."
But Nella continues to defy us... |
So we took our way home.
It was then that Efrat told me how the very
same thing had happened to her a week ago:
"I let her free and she ran away, I chased
her to the other end of Shoham,
to no avail, she always was close, but I could never catch her."
I don't remember how she finally got hold of her,
because in that moment - when we just entered our house - Nella appeared!
She did not let herself be caught, but neither did she want to loose
her home.
So she sat down, in safe distance from us.
Efrat was amused now and in no hurry to solve the problem.
"You know, what helped me,
- hopefully once and for all with this dog?
When I came back with Nella that day
and a neighbor saw how exhaustet I was
and I explained: "my dog ran away",
he simply said:
and he was right!
The main thing is, that Mika is fine!
If Nella doesn't want to stay with us, then it's her choice
and she has to bear the consequences."
After a while two girls came along and played with Nella.
Following our quest - they surrounded her in a way,
that she was pushed up the staircase, where we sat.
The drama was over and the analysis of my lesson began.
Why had I staged this situation?
Why had I behaved, as if I had lost all my consciousness,
not acting, but only reacting????
[Continuation on January 22]
|
 |
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dates
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eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
