The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]


I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

 

 


Back to Overview of all sculptures in the fourfold library of "InteGRATion into GRATeFULLness"


InteGRATion into GRATeFULLness
Fine-tuning to my Presence

 

 

2007_08_17
The main focus of my present observing, feeling, thinking, experiencing, learning, creating is my question:
What are the Conditions for Heaven-on-Earth? (4)

last focus
on Conditions for Heaven-on-Earth
From now on I'll explore
the Conditions for Heaven-on-Earth
by watching and interacting
with my youngest grandchild,
Mika

How exhilarated I am with the song of today:
Heaven rejoices, Earth jubilates, the Sea resounds in its FULLness

! ! ! ! !

 

I am still learning by contrast.
In the fever of creating I've little patience even for the best of programs on TV, as they can be seen almost only on the 3 SAT channel..
Luckily I make entries of the titles or a summary of what was relevant for me in the template of my diary, reserved for this.
Because when I did this concerning two 10 minute reviews and 2 30 minute documentaries, I watched on and off yesterday night,
I observed something, which I'll present as a riddle.
Which of the 4 stories conveys Heaven-on-Earth and why,
and which of the 4 stories conveys Hell-on-Earth and why?.

The artist
Anna Stahl gathers junk
along the sea-side of Venice,
most of it spit out by the sea.
From the smallest items
to rotten fisher-boats.
Then she makes art of it, that fills glass-vitrines as well as open fields.
"I pull these items out of their original context and combine them into a new context, which creates beauty and causes people to think."

An American organization of Christian fundamentalists has as its purpose to convert homosexuals to heterosexuals.
One man, who was among the founders, left it because of the following experience:
"A man came to me and told me,
that he had slept with another man
in a one-night stand. After that he felt so wretched, so guilty, that he cut his genitals with a razor and poured acid on it."
"You made GUILT God on earth,
not me!" says "God" somewhere.
The camera followed the life situations of a 17 year old girl, student of a dance-school, in Taiwan.
"I have an elder sister, who studies at the university, but she hardly sees me. Never mind, I can take care of myself."
"When I don't think of my weaknesses,
dancing makes me feel wholly happy."
The last scene shows father, mother, daughters at dinner. Mother and sister get down on the dance-girl, "you are too fat (in my eyes she was very slim), why are you eating so much. Which place did you win in the contest, the 28th? Ha-ha-ha, you'll never make it, just like you'll never be able to keep your diet. You are... you are.."
Not even the film-makers embarrassed them.
A Swiss Rope-Dancer
making double-saltos on a rope, 4 mm wide, dancing across the town in 50 meter hight, son of circus artists,
father of two children, walks into the Tessin mountains and talks about the beauty of the landscape and the art of learning balance, balancing body, balancing ones life.
He must be about 40 years old.
"I think of the time, I'll be too old to do this, I imagine to die, and I feel that it would be alright, that I have lived to the fullest, and that some people were encouraged by my dance on the rope, to extend their own limits.


How I cope with triggers and patterns,
triggers from others, patterns in myself,
so as to manifest Heaven-on-Earth in my personal life,
in my actions, reactions and interactions.


An example of my way to communicate with Deity, in this case with "the Mother" aspect.

The pattern is my crazy tenseness, pressure, stress,
when I expect guests, be they my family or my friends.
The two parts of an exterior event showed me,
that there is a time to avoid a potentially triggering situation or interaction
but there is also a time to go forward into the lion's den and create a situation, which will trigger the pattern.

My friend Gabriele Dietrich from South-India wrote:
"Dear Rachel,
I just remember that on 15th August is going to be your birthday.
It will also be our 60th Independence Day (or 61st, since it is 60 years since Independence)
and According to the order of the Church of South India,
it appears to be the day of the Virgin Mary as well.
[It is the day of Mary's Ascent to Heaven, and though having been born a Protestant,
Catholic friends in my childhood kept reminding me of that "coincidence"...]
The text of the day seems to be Ps.17,5. "

I am a fan of "texts of the day", and so opened Ps 17,5 (Hebrew: 17:6)
The text is an ordinary prayer of "help me" and not attractive.
But the second half of the next verse is stunning!

hide me under the shadow of thy wings

This was the very message I received for the entire last year.
Ever since "Nebo-let-go"!
And with dedication I sing the second stanza of my "hide-song"

So when the trigger occurred, I asked:

 

Aug. 16, 7:20
Is it this, Mother?
That Rotem's not-coming, which means also Tomer's not-coming,
grants me an extended period of being hidden under your wings?
Until August 25 - nine days from now?


Exactly a year ago Rotem (then 13) and her cousin Tomer (then 11 3/4)
spent 3 days with grandma in Arad.
Already after the first night Tomer woke us up, while it was still night:
"Get up, girls, I want to see the sunrise above the Dead Sea!"
After a walk of 20 minutes, we come to an observation point.
Sitting on the kind of stones, that are characteristic for this area,
they await the sunrise



"Our" sunset above the Dead Sea, seen from a distance of 10 km
"To be hidden under our wings
does not contradict total availability at the spur of a moment.
And this is already the answer to your predicament:

Ever since that date proposed by Rotem not once, but twice, 2 weeks ago,
you were tense, pressured, afraid,
afraid of Rotem's feeling bored, if she would come without Tomer.
You waited until the day and the hour, that you had agreed on,
or so you believed.
Then you call her: "Are you on your way?"
And when she wonders, what you are talking about,
you are, of course, triggered,
triggered not only because she had forgotten about her visit
which was all her initiative ("grandma, I feel the crazy wish to be with you!"),
but because you had - for 2 weeks - worried about so many details:
What you would do together,
and what food would suit her extreme vegetarian approach,
etc. etc.

"In this case !!!
[It's me who is putting this in big fonts -
for see below, how soon I had to learn about a different case...
you could have avoided the situation which was bound to trigger you.
Sometimes patterns do not have to be coped with,
instead let them guide your choice of avoiding the situation.

"Tell your family,
- not in general, not now in advance, not as a reaction to what happened –
but whenever they want to fix an appointment with you:
"Please, coordinate this with everyone concerned
and then ask me not more than 3 days in advance, if the date suits me."
And you will not do anything to help them.
Not go out of your way to find the available time for Rotem,
not suggest combinations – Rotem and Tomer, for instance,
or logistics for traveling etc.
You do one thing – and yes, you have to learn this over and over again -
you make yourself available NOW,
not in 4 weeks, not in 4 days.

" And as to the feelings of guilt,
which your (quite modest) anger may cause in Rotem,
let her be responsible for her own attractions of triggers.
You don't have to be righteous.
You are angry, you ask to be appeased, period!
You are also a border, against which the beloved ones grow, remember?"

 

I relaxed.
It was crystal clear to me, how I had attracted this trigger.
And what was more: having practised for so long: "I am not righteous",
I could forgive myself for having parted from Rotem on the phone in anger.

BUT!!!
"Somebody" decided:
"Since she is already in the middle of a lesson concerning her pressure-pattern,
let's set up a different situation, to make her see a different choice."


Rotem waits, while Tomer - looking like ant in the infinity -
ventures down into the grey desert, not yet lightened by the sun.

15 minutes later they sit in the morning - sun - watching the two "ARARAT-Breasts" -
to the left "Rakhaf", where Tomer had visited me for three days in August 2004.

 

Continuation of the lesson about how to handle my pressure-pattern:

;

[August 18, in the morning:
While I was sculpting the understandings in the right frame,
I was "interrupted" cheerfully by the two kids of my landlords,
storming into my room- without a parent - for the first time ever.
["we know, when your door is open, you are here"].
It was 7:40 PM, Shabbat had entered,
but I was obsessed with completing this sculpture.
They took their sandals off and jumped on the mattrass,
to reach the pretty stones and shells etc. on the book shelf.
"Can I have this, can I have that?"
"This you can have, this not, and you can have all the old coins,
for I found them in this garden! "
And I found them an old "cream"-box, to put the coins in.

They didn't want to leave, but when their father dragged them away,
not a minute passed,
when another guest stormed in cheerfully
and "prevented" me from indulging in my obsessive creating.
It was Gal Mor, one of my star-children, now in Tel-Aviv,
She is 50 years my junior and had NOT received my e-mail to her birthday on August 10.

Her vibrant beauty overwhelmed me,
what else could I do but surrender and laugh at my obsession
and at my developing pattern of wanting to be left alone?
Instead of any words, I'm inserting the - bad - photos here.



The top of my "legendary" lamp, which I recently saved from a huge garbage bin, when I just came across someone throwing it into it.

 

Reading the passage above (August 16)
"Does Rotem's not-coming and therefore Tomer's not-coming,
grant me an extended period of being hidden under your wings?
Until August 25 - nine days from now?"
 I laugh right out loud!
For a few hours after this communication with Deity
Yaacov Hayat, my "twin-brother" called me "via Skype"

"I accept your invitation:
our family will come to Arad for 2 days the next weekend - Aug. 23-25."

And while still talking to each other, I got a phone-call from Efrat.
She cautiously checked out, if I could come to Shoham from Aug.20-23,
since Immanuel was ordered to fly an unscheduled flight to New-York
"Yes, of course", I said to her, "since Rotem didn't come, I am free!"
"You could stay on", she hesitated,
"until the big celebration in Mazkeret Batya on Aug. 25!"
(three birthdays: Ayelet: 9; my son Micha: 41; his wife Ra'ayah: f i f t y!)

Efrat always finds reasons why I "could stay on",
though it's my well thought-out principle,
to be with her and Mika only when Immanuel is on flight.
But she is careful "not to manipulate" me, as she says.
"Yes, this would be convenient and nice, except for my garden,
but just now I'm talking to Ya'aqov,
they finally intend to come ---- from the 23rd to the 25th!"

And to Yaacov - still connected with me via "Skype" - I said:
"You see, everything fits perfectly.
I don't know, when that celebration on Shabbat will start,
but either you leave Arad earlier and I hitchhike with you,
or you take advantage from my flat, while I'm not there.
The next day, Sunday, I'll come back with the Quartet,
which will have their "grandma-camp" for 3 days in Arad."

All this "fitting" proved, that I had done right to INITIATE
contrary to the message - reinforced in the above communication with Deity-
"DON'T INITIATE, BE AVAILABE"

In Hebrew the two words have the same letters, only turned around.
And this is, what I had written to Yaacov and meant it!

But now my pressure-pattern raised its formidable screams:



"No time for myself for the next 12 days.
[though I still have three and a half days "free",
but since I feel pressured and tense, they are not really "free"]
What shall we eat, what shall we drink?

I sound like Jesus 2000 years ago, when he suggested:
"Don't worry, what shall we eat, what shall we drink,
for your father in heaven will take care", or something like that.
Or like billions of people on this present planet,
whose consciousness is forced to think of this one question only,
and no heavenly father provides food or even clean water for them.

But my pressure-pattern goes crazy:
- What would they like to eat?!
Oh, my God, the coffee I use- Yaacov doesn't like it!
I can't even make my specialty of pancakes on this slow electrical plate!
[And I hate cooking altogether, I have a real cooking trauma,
after I had to cook too much in this life-time,
and during marriage and in Succah-in-the-Desert
pressuring myself to always cook something "creative".]

Not to talk about how we shall manage with Yaacov's wheelchair.
Though I had written to Yaacov:
"I finally want to put my imagined solutions to a test in reality!"
Will he be able to enter the door, even if I take away the little shelf?
Can he squeeze himself into the toilet?
The shower is out of reach for him, in any case.
But I asked in the pool, if they could cope with him. They can!

Worry, worry, tension, tension.
Concerning the wheel-chair, Yaacov had said: "We'll find ways!"
And I know we will, I've been with him in so many situations,
in which we had to be creative and find solutions for his navigation.


But what does a pattern care about logic, experience and creativity?
I always remember a sentence in a channeled book, called: "Joy":
"If you have a pattern, that you repeat over and over again,
don't make it wrong,
because it is by coping with this pattern, that you grow."

I do grow, yes.
But the pattern, indeed, doesn't dissolve itself.
And the question is,
what about Heaven-on-Earth and such patterns?

Let me be content with taking in two ways of coping,
as shown to me on this day:

There is a time for avoiding triggering the pattern:
Usually I shall limit the time between announcement and appointment
to three days.
And there is a time for running towards a situation,
which for sure will trigger the pattern.
I shall welcome the feelings of tension, of pressure, of fright
and sing my song:

Pressure, fear, my feeling
Pain and shame and fury
I embrace you kneeling
Like Rachel her Uri *
 Breathe, cry, scream and tremble
Sense my love so gentle
Do not judge yourself, Fear,
Let's grow in my womb dear.

For this is the main and one "solution" for my tension:
To feel what I feel
To let Body vibrate what I feel!
To move, to sound and to breathe my fear.

[And by the way, to be on the safe side...:
I've already cooked a big pot of onions and two kinds of beans,
a really tasty and nourishing soup for my five guests and me....]

 


One cute story with Lior (5) and Amit (2 1/2):
"Amit ! Rachel has a worm on the walls!"
"Lior, that was not a worm but a gecko,
which was my friend for half a year,
but two months ago it disappeared."
One minute later, Lior points to the ceiling!
"There, there is a little worm!"
And indeed,
a baby gecko hang on to the middle of the ceiling.
My camera caught it just in time,
when it was about to hide behind the curtain-bar.

Concerning the bad quality of these photos:
I still don't know,
how to handle the "Flash" on my new phone-camera


August 16, 7:50 [communicating with "the Mother"]:
"And now to the technical "problems"
with my new phone-camera.
How can I convert my panick of needing to learn
new technical hardware or software
into "exitement about a challenge"? "

"When facing a technical challenge,
make yourself a channel,
and if the answers do not come,
wait until another time.
Start very slowly:
with 20 minutes in the morning,
before you go to the pool.
It's 8:05 now, go ahead,
try to connect camera and computer again."

Thank you, Mother, this is a helpful slogan:
"when faced with a technical challenge,
make yourself a channel!"

8:28
This was very good! I discovered some things.
Though the end result was a failure, I'm content.
And I do have the patience to wait until tomorrow.
and open myself to the channeled trial&error process.

"Can you understand," I said to Gal later,
how this baby-gecko appears here suddenly?
If my old friend was a female
and maybe this baby's mother,
how come there is only one baby?
She didn't have only one egg, did she!"
Gal took my phone-camera and shot and laughed:
"See how you get all excited
even when you ask questions
about a baby-gecko!"
It was 11 PM, when I showed Gal the birthday-email.
And - since in some context - she had quoted the poem,
which had been inspired by these star-children,
I showed her the 2007 song-game and let her listen to
"Avinu Malkenu" on August 12. Read what she said!
 
"Still my guest"
in August 2006, but no longer in August 2007
  

 

 

August 18, 12:21:
I felt I had completed this page,
and wanted to complement
the "Driving Backward" work
on yesterday's "WORD" diary,
since yesterday I was "interrupted"
and "prevented"
from doing so.


"Every delay is for a blessing", we say in Hebrew:

What did I discover in the diary of 2006_08_17?
See right frame!
Should I judge myself for not learning?
No! I'm proud of myself
for inventing even technical devices,
like writing a diary and re-reading it after a year,

in order to feel more,
be aware more
and learn more:
"... But why, half an hour later, Rotem's call?
"I want to visit you" ????

I actually waited for her this month,
but now that she does want to come, and out of her own initiative,
I'm frightened.
Oh, please, Mother, tell me, if this is still YOU,
still a "healthy", not a sick feeling.

"It is sick, my love!
But all the more does the feeling need you to heal it.
You have overridden your fears of people
and your need to be with yourself
a million times,
and I mean, a million times.
So be grateful now,
that you have all this time to listen to your fear
and to your feeling, that you are not fit for life.
Do not judge yourself
you do not have to share this feeling with anyone
knowing that nobody would understand it.
Just feel, and intent to stay with your feelings also while they will be here.

But I cannot afford, that these kids will also retreat from me and shun me,
like Ronnit and Uri and Raayah and Jonathan and Elah and also Alon.

"Why can't you "afford" it?
Isn't the second name of every day's diary file right now "SHAME"?
Accept the SHAME of being a "bad" mother and grandmother.
Let your fear and shame and your need to not override them
create space for these two,
to listen to what they themselves want or don't want.!!!!!!

While concerning my pressure-pattern and the trigger I attracted from Rotem,
my feelings got drawn more and more into some sights and experiences,
caught by my camera a year ago,
when Rotem and Tomer were with me for 3 days around my birthday.
In those awakened memories there is more than compensations for this year's trigger,
there is true healing for me and overwhelming love for Rotem and Tomer.

 

 

to former sculpture of my present to next sculpture of my present