Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

You Are Not Wrong

"This is the Mother,
and I have some very serious things to say to you ~
and you have some very deep terror, rage, and grief
that are going to start moving now, whether you like it or not.

"Before you turn away from me
because you might not want to see
what you are going to see ~
or feel what you are going to feel,
I have some very important information for you.

"First, you should know
that I do not have a name.
But if I did it would be something like 'Everything'
or 'All That Is'.
'Mother' is a name
that YOU gave me
in an attempt to define yourself
as something apart from me,
and even if you are calling yourself 'Mother' ~
you are separating yourself from me.

"However, those who identify with 'The Mother'
are not wrong.
And those who feel resentful towards those
expressing themselves as 'The Mother'
are also not wrong.

"The second bit of information is
that you are holding denied light ~
MY own light, in denial of ME.
Which is to say that you are holding light
that is in denial of your deepest, truest Self.
Almost every bit of the consciousness
that you have
is light in denial of me.
If it weren't,
you would know that you are me,
and I am you `
and you would feel us without beginning or end,
and with no real separation.

"The one who calls himself 'God' or 'Spirit'
is also light in denial of me,
except when Spirit is aware of being All That Is ~
for I am who contains him there.

 

"And in either event, Spirit is not wrong.

 

"If you feel terror,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel hope,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel jealousy,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are lost,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like giving up,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are wrong,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are right,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel angry,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are out of control,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel hopeless,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you can save the world,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like scrapping all of Creation and starting over,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel rage,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you hate God,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you could do a better job that God,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel vindicated,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you have caused all of the pain in Creation,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like the most persecuted being in all of Creation,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel murderous rage,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are wrong,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are right,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel confused,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel you are an innocent victim,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel you are the Mother,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel no one else could possibly know your suffering,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like everyone should know your suffering,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel persecuted,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like persecuting,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel love,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel shame,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you have done unspeakable things,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like hiding,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel it's all someone else's fault,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like your heart is broken,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you suspect that you have forgotten yourself,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you don't want to remember,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like the only one in Creation with half a brain,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like the dumbest cluck that ever breathed,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like only a fragment of deity, your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel perfect and whole and complete as you are,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like the most wretched being in Creation,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like feelings are not worth it,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel at peace,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel guilty,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like no one appreciates you,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like someone is a stupid bitch,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel someone thinks you're a bitch,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like someone hates you,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel hate for someone,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like magic is possible,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like magic is impossible,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you feel like you are all that is,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you hate me,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you hate yourself,
your feelings are not wrong.

"If you love yourself,
your feelings are not wrong.

"None of your feelings are wrong but they are YOURS.
They are entrusted to your custody and care.
You can not leave them for someone else to uncover and process
and hand back to you in some nice neat package
so that you can pat them on the head and say, 'Good job.'

"You have not realized yourself as all that you want to be
because you have not yet realized your Self...
and all the rest that you haven't wanted to be.

"You are everything that you hope that you are, and more.

"And you are also everything
that you fear that you are.

"And you are not wrong.

"But please,
uncover all of your feelings with deep and searing honesty...
and let them flow in acceptance with me...
to find my Magic, which is YOUR magic...
the only true magic of All That Is and All that Can Be."

Shoham, in my new room in my children's new home, July 14, 2010,
3 days after my return from Europe.
after our long "talking among each other", Ya'acov and me,
about the deep depression which I often felt in Ireland:
"I seem to lack the gene of being capable of en-joying! "

I'm singing and learning by heart the Mother's song:
The Pain

Dearest Mother,
having restudied the first of the three home-pages of "Healing-K.i.s.s.",
I know for sure ,
that it is no longer the pain of humankind,
including the pain about family and friends,
which I deny.
In fact, I never ever denied it.
What I know – following my "staging" of Ireland
for the sake of "pulling away the carpet under my feet",
or for the sake of showing that "the king is naked" -
is ,
that I cannot bear the opposite of JOY:
the so-called depression , which feels like "I don't want to live".

As so often in my life, but now with real facts all around me:
there is no exterior reason for this NOT-JOY,

Unlike in my youth and the later stages of my life,
there are not only no judgments in me
about how my external circumstances or people should be,
but everything and everybody in my drama is exactly as I want it to be right now.
I do not even judge myself as before
and the old sword of Damocles:
"You should be doing something more important for your vocation"
is totally gone.

So – everything is "all-right", and I myself am "all-right".

Also, I was certain, that I succeeded to understand the conditions,
which yield JOY,
or what I keep calling:
the 3 conditions of Heaven-on-Earth.
But there was always some doubt,
if the condition of "zest" and the condition of "fulfillment"
were not a kind of drug!
I calmed myself by saying:
but people need to breathe, eat, drink and sleep,
and in doing so, they are not drugging themselves,
but taking responsibility for their survival.

[July17, 2010: And indeed, as long as we are in the present frequency,
grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness, full-fill-ment are necessary for survival,
and it's each person's responsibility to find, what gives him/her zest and fulfillment,
But you, Mother, want me to take a quantum-leap into a high frequency,
where JOY is un-conditional! not even conditioned by these three!]


Now it seems, that there has been denial in this concept after all,
and that's why I "staged" to get away from my computer for – let's say – 12 days
(because out of the 19 days altogether
there were 4 travel days of "functioning" and 4 fulfilling days with Elinor and Herbert)
- to feel , what I hadn't been feeling for perhaps 2 years: depression or Non-JOY.
And though I was aware of my various songs about
"I inhale God and I exhale love to whatever I'm feeling just now",
I just could not do it, realize it, apply it, manifest it.
I only wanted the feeling to be gone,
I only wanted to be home in Israel
with my holy routine, my holy balance of alone-ness and togetherness,
my holy routine of creating on the computer, my walking-swimming, my garden.

Mother!
I can see it clearly, how I, too,
"throw you out, like you were scum",
"give you a smack that sends you reeling back – to Hell" [The Pain]

Through the contrast of Non-JOY I learnt,
that I still don't know what JOY is
leave alone – feel it without it being dependent even on those 3 conditions.
I know, JOY exists!
I know, my task is to acquire the skill, the capacity to feel JOY,
"and their joy fills each moment with light,
and the peace found within is reflected without
like a day softly echoed by night".
[I dreamt a dream a long time ago...]

"Ascending" to a higher frequency means just this:
being capable to feel JOY , ascending and descending in waves...
(my songs: "ride with the wave" and "Ich sing dir mein Lied")

Or the other way round:
if I learn this pure capacity, this unconditional, unconditioned capability
of moving in waves of JOY,
then I'll pull up humankind to a higher frequency,
to a deeper connectedness with "the One".

On this morning I know,
that it's one thing to keep this desire high up in every moment of my life,
and another thing: a condition, yes, a condition: to not deny YOU, Mother,
- to accept and embrace that feeling of depression , of not wanting to live.

Please help me to first of all create space,
-away from my obsession to create and learn etc.-
to feel that NON-JOY, your NON-Joy!!!!

[I faintly recalled a "Nourishment" , quoted in "K.i.s.s.-Log 2008",
and though being able to remember only one connected word: "monks",
I found the page right away and in it the term: "AKEDIA"]

From Godchannel>September 11
"Come to the most difficult feelings
of terror, rage and grief ~
with love, acceptance, appreciation and encouragement."
My most difficult feeling is Non-JOY, not wanting to live,
"AKEDIA"

July 15, Thursday, Shoham, the day of my grandson Alon's recruitment

Mother-God
Oh du, mein Gott, ich sehne mich,
zu spueren in dich inniglich,
mit jedem Atem, jedem Blick
sei eins mit mir, sei du mein Geschick.

[see my song]

Also: I feel, that I start again from the beginning (song!),
"coming to terms" with "attacks" of different feelings,
which keep bombarding me,
whenever I'm in the presence of other people,
those who are in my life, and those whom I meet by chance.

Like now: I had many feelings on my way to kindergarden
(also a joyful feeling this morning, when Mika crept into my bed and asked:
"can you bring me to kindergarden and fetch me from there, like yesterday?"),
and sometimes – during those short 15-20 minutes, - I felt Non-Joy,
and again – I did not have the slightest clue,
how such a short and desirable situation could cause moments of Non-Joy.
Anyway entering the gan, I said: "perhaps – with Nella – I should not come in."
Mika agreed and entered alone,
just as she did 2 days ago, when Nella wasn't with us and I asked her:
"Do you want to enter alone?" "Yes."
On my way back with Nella, I met Efrat in the car.
She had called the Gan because we had forgotten to take with us the water bottle.
The assistant
(probably the one, who so enjoyed Nella yesterday, when I came to fetch Mika,
and though Efrat had told me to tie Nella outside, I just peeped into the gan, calling Mika
and they told me to come in despite and with Nella.
She said: "in my, the Grusinian language, 'nella' means 'slowly'!")
told, that they asked Mika, why grandma didn't come in
and Mika said that she didn't want to.

It's unbelievable, Mother, how often I meet you in the feeling of regret:
"why didn't I", "I've missed out on a piece of life or a chance for love"…
And this, though I knew, that I feared to enter the gan,
because of the commotion that Nella would cause among the kids
and my fear that someone would come too close to her and Nella would snap,
no, this is just a pretext, the real fear was:
I feel shy and embarrassed with the kids and more so with the kindergardeners.
But on the other hand I would like Mika to be proud of me.
But on the third hand, as Efrat now also said:
"this suits Mika (to have claimed that you didn't want to come in),
she doesn't want to share attention."
Which I knew, and only 2 days ago Efrat had again complained bitterly,
how Mika is telling her bluntly to not come into the kindergarden.

Can you see, Mother-God, in how many colors and shades you came to me
during less than half an hour
and the feelings are still not gone, especially not the one of "regret",
which , in addition to shame, is perhaps the most dreadful feeling for ME
(except for Non-Joy, of course),
and by saying "dreadful" I'm once more blaming you, shaming you, paining you!

I know now, even deeper than yesterday, deeper than in my talking with Ya'acov,
that the path to JOY is still not open to me,
because I still tend to leave aside so many small and confusing feelings.

I bow my head, Mother-God, and start all over again!
Feeling you, accepting you, embracing you, breathing, moving, sounding you!
And thank you for creating so much time-space for me,
to become and stay aware of YOU!
No worries
(even the pressure of talking with newly recruited Alon, my grandson, is over),
nothing I have to do, no one whom I have to meet, except in e-mails,
and only a tiny fear of tomorrow's journey home and meeting my landlords.

I'm proud, that I'm not obsessed
with sculpting my experiences abroad on my website,
and I only wished ["you are not wrong"]
– I would stop regretting ["you are not wrong"]
[once more, by wanting to "stop" – I'm trampling over you!]
that I refrained ["you are not wrong"] from using up my photos on my camera
for photographing the cloud spectacles from the cockpit
and the welcome scene of my family at the airport.

I say it again: wishing that a feeling should go away,
is another example of not wanting to embrace you, Mother-God.
The more so, as in this case the feeling of regret shows me the way
which in this case is - remembering the Manna metaphor. [Exodus 16:13-20]
because I wanted to save the last bit of battery for Shoham,
for transferring the 560 photos to the computer, I didn't use this bit for pictures.
[-though I was almost sure, that the cable had stayed at my home at Arad)
I couldn't know, that I would have such a clever idea the next morning:
going to the shop and asking for a cable.
I got a "reading-card" for 35 NIS, which is a better device than a cable,
and they also let me charge my battery for free, for 2 hours.
But this only shows, how unnecessary it is "to worry for manna tomorrow".
(I'll remember also the story with the coffee and sugar between Irene's place and Ann's place)

So I am getting directions from "unpleasant" encounters with you, Mother-God,
but why then do I carry this feeling of REGRET on and on and cannot let go?

Oh, I feel, I'm a baby again and have no idea of anything!
And I only yearn for cuddling in your lap, Mother-God!

THEN CUDDLE IN MY LAP, MY CHILD!



Shabbat, July 17, 2010, Arad
In the pool – swimming around and around,
thinking of the dolphin talks with Mika and Efrat -
I had two connected insights:
concerning part of my ongoing pain about the lack of proportion
between people's need to give and people's ability to receive (Cain!):
["If you feel like no one appreciates you, your feelings are not wrong. "
But the pain is even bigger, when another's giving is not appreciated!]
The more of the Mother's "difficult" feelings I can receive, accept, move, embrace,
the more I can contain and receive
the beauty in my life/in Nature/in people's giving.
And as to my own ego-Cain: If I live myself as a "Cosmic Identity",
I do not need people to receive me explicitly.
They are receiving from me all the time,
without knowing, even without being present.
I'm radiating my gifts on the driver with whom I hitchhike
but also on my neighborhood , on everyone near and far,
if I only KNOW this, believe this, desire this, radiate this!
And if I believe and live this, I'll be a hologram for everyone!