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COMMUNICATIONS
WITH DEITY
2002_09_10 ; last update: 2003_02_14
Dear Mother
"Better a tiny completion than a
vast dispersion",
said my wise friend Annemarie Mayer to me many decades
ago.
But if this is one of the main challenges I chose for this life,
to be constantly split into too many desires
should I still try to change that condition
instead of FEELING ALL THERE IS TO FEEL?
See these thousands of memories that come to me
by way of documents and photos I thought were lost.
Driving backward is what we have
to do, says Spirit,
not manifesting new things from our non-wholeness.
[listen to a sentence from Godchannel in pp40]
But even feeling into this myrad of feelings
connected with those photos and documents
and to some people who suddenly appeared in my life again
without me really wanting this at this time,
what does all this mean?
Will I never be able to balance myself?
"But you ARE balanced, child.
May I call you child?"
OH, yes, please do, I already cry.
"You have done such a wonderful job
in limiting yourself
more and ever more and ever more.
"It is a good sign,
that you have so much resistance
to leaving the house for even an hour,
leave alone for a whole day,
and that to spend the night somewhere else
is a burden you dread a whole week in advance.
You also got this wonderful confirmation from this woman,
to whom even Tamir asked
you to open up to,
but she herself said, that she knows, it's not the right time for you,
you have done your work in communicating with people on the deepest level.
NOw it's time for you to be with yourself.
And Tamir himself, that young man, came to the same conclusion for himself.
"It's true actually for all of you,
who came here to transform this earth.
And if you let yourself be tempted to reconnect like you did with
Mona,
then you are bound to get a spit in your face,
so the anger and hurt will keep you apart."
Since you mention my pain about Mona, is this really so?
Isn't it something I should heal?
I mean the splits with some people which still trigger me?
"Too often, my dear beloved,
loving child,
you've tried to make peace with people ,
when they weren't ready for peace.
Peace between other people
or peace between yourself and another person."
OH, Mother, are you referring to my present
peace-process in the
desert
between Avi and Gadi?
For it's about them really , that I wanted to speak to you verbally today.
"In a way, yes.
This is a phantastic example of how you cannot make peace between others,
or between yourself and others,
if you are triggered by one of them, as you are triggered by Gadi."
Yes, please reflect to me the hole in my wholeness,
which attracts the triggers from Gadi,
and which wants to be healed now, obviously.
"Well, part of the picture already revealed itself to you, didn't it?"
Oh Mother, I can't put it into words.
I feel such enormous anger come up in me,
I can't understand, how this anger could have accumulated in such a short
time.
I never, as far as I remember, in all the ten years I've known Gadi and Efrat,
not even when their business partnership with my son and ex-daughter-in-law
failed,
with such dire consequences for everyone involved, even me,
a partnership which I had strongly advised them not to enter.
[I'm re-reading this "by chance"
on February 6, 2014!!!!]
May be there has never been another person in my life,
towards whom I've been as accepting and as patient for their process of growth.
And then I've even
entrusted them with my most precious creation, the Succah,
and despite my doubt in their competence to make this their own creation,
I felt it was right to do so.
And now all I can see, is a Cain
reaction in ...
No I won't spell out my anger and my judgments.
Because it's about myself that we are talking, aren't we.
"We sure are.
When you slept on the
Hill of the Angels' flight,
you woke up knowing, that you should keep silent.
Though this didn't seem to be a viable approach that day,
the decision helped you to mainly listen
and not to overwhelm Gadi wlth your input."
Mother, you are kind to put it that way.
Because yes, I started out like that,
but later, especially after I came back home,
I fell back into my pattern and need,
to give "helpful input".
"And you saw that he couldn't even hear you,
leave alone receive and accept what you had to say.
And then what happened, my beloved, loving child?"
You mean, you mean, all that emotional
upheaval
through touching those photos found in Gadi's archives
and yesterday - all those photos and documents
Tamir rediscovered in the mobile home I bequeathed to him?
All that pain - which I also conveyed
to him, when we met -
about the hundreds of programs
I've written for people
towards the creation of situations,
where they could train in realizing their dreams.
All this futility, all those failures,
all those "calls in the desert" that no one heard.
"Repeat also Tamir's response,
after he listened to your movement!"
He said:
"But, you are not totally correct, Rachel,
see the impact you had on me,
even my father tells you that time and again!"
"Yes, on you, Tamir, because - as I see it - you are the only one
who actually joined me to live with me, in order to create with me.
Only by taking up the challenge to walk my talk together with me,
did you find yourself and did you start to become yourself with great speed.
If not, my spoken and written words would have been blown into the wind."
"Still, I find it useful, Rachel,
every now and then
to look at one of those slogans which you phrased
just to put me back on track, when I'm in danger to loose it."
"And you smiled, didn't you,
because you remembered,
how even Avi, who never created the chance to know your thinking and learn
from it,
suddenly quoted such a slogan of yours:
"To transform the frightful into the fruitful" [
mafria le-mafrae].
But in general you are right,
and it's something you do have to face again and again:
words don't teach, word's only remind a person of what s/he already knows
And no one knows a truth about life except from the inside.
You often use the term "sounding board"
You aren't a sounding board for Gadi.
You push him.
"It was ok that you saved the two rivals
from getting entangled with lawyers and the legal system.
But now, it's time to retreat.
Not after that meeting I planned with both of them on the Day of Attonement in the Succah?
"If they want it,
let them plan it.
Let Gadi go.
And let Avi go, too.
It's not yet right time."
"Not for them with you,
and certainly not for you with anyone except with your family,
as you know.
"If you come in contact with
potential peers,
or with those people at the pool of Neve-Shalom,
who addressed you yesterday all of a sudden,
it's in order to trigger your memories and your pain,
so you can heal them.
It IS NOT RIGHT TIMING to renew any contact.
You now remember a bunch of recent incidences, don't you!~~~
"You must prepare yourself for the coming enormous challenges
connected with the changes on earth.
You will not be ready,
if you are still not in peace with so many pains in the past.
Of course, you must not listen to me, but to yourself only.
But I feel, that you want Me to be your sounding board right now."
I certainly do, please go on.
"IF you feel such a dread of spending those 24
hours in the Succah,
and especially of the ordeal of getting there and getting back,
isn't this enough to tell you, that you sacrifice yourself again,
and that this in itself means, that you are trapping yourself?"
You think, I can just cut the process I started?
Isn't that lack of responsibility?
Isnt' that risking to loose all I've gained?
"Yes it is lack of responsibility, and you'll
be judged.
and it is risking all you've gained on the exterior level.
And it's also troubling that part of your ego,
that wants to be proud of having succeeded with this peace process,
faintly hoping, that it will - since you like models - become a model
for the big peace-process in your country."
But how do I know, that it's not just
cowardice or even just tiredness to cope?
"To now retreat from the process,
and hand it over to the two parties,
needs courage and wakefulness."
(After some silence):
I see you are not going to add more.
"No, I'm handing yourself over
to yourself."
Just as I should do with Gadi and Avi.
"Exactly."
Oh MOther.
"You are in my arms, remember!"
I sigh~~~
"Yes, sigh , breathe and cry!"
