Edited Godchannel/steps4disc2

The Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

to help me and my potential P E E R s

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

no date, no answer

Four Steps to Wholeness
Discussion 2

I know myself to be a piece of Heart.
I've been doing 50% caretaking of my children,
now 11 and 14, since splitting with my wife 10 years ago.

These are children we tried to consciously conceive.

I can remember reading the available Right Use of Will books at the time,
asking God to help us draw to us conscious souls,
and in connection with the children we were manifesting,
earnestly asking for assistance from God
to help counteract or provide a healing influence
for whatever denials we parents hadn't yet healed.

At my household,
I've tried to specifically encourage the full expression of emotions
(limited of course by some judgments held down deep
that such expression is unsafe/unworkable).
Added to this mix has been a strong commitment
to freedom,
to riding the bus backwards,
to going with the flow,
to having money come in as needed (often at the last minute, and sometimes seeming to be "late").

Now my kids give me feedback
that they want to live at their Mom's full time instead of half-time with me
because they want the stability of regular paychecks
(as compared to the way my income fluctuates and sometimes dries up)
and want to avoid the chaos that my lifestyle sometimes includes.

This not only is a major trigger for me,
but also leaves me very confused.
It feels like they are saying to me
that they don't feel safe or sufficiently taken care of
when the Dad lives his life by "Riding the Bus Backwards".
Mixed up in this are my projections from my imprinting:
"No matter what I do, it's not good enough ~
I'm unacceptable as I am ~
Heart can never do enough to satisfy the expectations placed on Heart ~
Who I am is unlovable."

It feels so heavy
to have my household environment be judged as undesirable,
when I have tried so hard to heal at the fastest rate I could.
How can I resolve my need for freedom,
my need to quest for healing
along the lines of the RUoW books and Godchannel material,
my desire to "ride the bus backwards"
with my children's desire for an Ozzie and Harriet type of home environment?

I feel like I have tried with everything I had,
including trying to follow channeled guidance from God and the Mother
that I "knew" inside to be true,
and still what I gave wasn't enough.
My own answer to myself is
that I must use this experience as a trigger,
must feel into the pain
of once again being found undesirable/unacceptable,
but I feel somehow betrayed.
Betrayed by them,
and betrayed by your guidance.

While I sometimes can hear you inside,
lately I haven't been very able to,
so I reach out via this forum.

Thank you for the Grace of the Guidance
you have given me so far,
and please give me any additional helpful feedback
that you (Spirit and/or Will) see.
I intend for wholeness in this life,
and I've said many a time
that I'd go into hell if necessary
to rescue the Will,
but I didn't want to lose my connection with my children
in this quest to heal the Gap.
I thought my purpose in this life was to co-parent my kids,
to do my own right part to heal the Gap(s) in Creation,
and to help us all get our Heart's Desires,
but it feels like I'm a failure at all these things.

Another way to sum up my life is
"I understand so much, yet still...' I can't get no satisfaction.' "
This heartbroken seed wishes it could feel more love.

I follow my understanding and new lekh-lekhâ on January 1, 2009,
that - after 7 years - I should no longer create new pages on my 2 websites,
but intermingle the evidence of new experiences with that on existing pages.
Since March 2009 I've been "synchronizing" the chronological process of the Godchannel.com files
with the chronological process of my photos and - if there should be time - observations of the

"Walk About Love"
continuation of April 23, 2009 , from Biq'at Nezirim near Modi'in to Tel Hadid; latest update of this page; July 29, 2009

Yakir and the Sabres which indicate that people lived here once,

Alona (the female form of "a tree" in general and a stone-oak in particular) embraces a twin tree.

Like Yakir - Alona- for some time used to walk close to me and talk...

On the background of what is probably the Jewish village "Hadid":
What are Gabriel, Alona and Ev in a row ~~~ showing to Gil?
Garbage?

Suddenly great excitement and exhilaration:
Robin had come back - just to say Good-Bye - on his way to the airport, back to Germany!

Joel, with his didgeridoo next to him
I never found him open to talking
and I don't know, if he enjoyed the loneliness which I always watched,
when he was resting and when he was walking...

Alona and Harm, resting apart from each other,

each one immersed

in her/his own thoughts and feelings

while these three: Evi (Hungary) , Maria (France) and Easy, are engaged in a loving-laughing interaction

We reached Neot Kdumim
the "Biblical Landscape Reserve", (in which I had spent an intense day exactly a year ago).
and I stayed for a while,
but then I hitchhiked to my family, so close by at Bet Nehemya.

When I returned the next morning, I saw this pretty scene:
Yeshiya, Itai and Gabriel, playing and singing.

They were animated by the loudspeaker, which had been brought there probably,
because it would be needed later that day - in the night of Shabbat -
for the "Trance-Festival"....

We don't have a professional guide to explain the spots and topics of the "Biblical Landscape Reserve",
so Gil explains, how agriculture was working at that time.

While we learn about the manufacturing of oil from olives,
I enjoy the people and their names:
from right to left:
Louise (South-Africa), Easy, Rotem, Yeshiya, Evi (Hungary), Avishai, Robert, Lior Mor, Hila,
From their backs I recognize at least one: Maya, Rotem's assistant, who so often attached a mic to my body, before an interview

A butterfly making love with a butterfly...

What are we learning here from the brochure and Gil?
For me it doesn't matter - I am interested in knowing the names and faces of "my" Walkers:
from left to right:
Yarden, Vasanthi, Harm (HOlland), Gil, Maria (France), Evi (Hungary), Lior Mor and Carmel

Continuation of the photos of the "Walk about Love" in the Godchannel file
"Mother Expression- I'm confused, I just don't understand"