answers
to e-mails channeled on 98/08/26-27
Written Channeling Discussion
- I'm afraid to channel.
- Sometimes writing is too slow for me.
- Channeling and the Will Polarity
I'm afraid to channel
Dear God, I've been waiting eagerly for your channeling
class to begin.
Your site is my homepage so I open your site everyday to keep up
with the updates.
I practice running the energy everyday with my yoga practice and
feel your energy inside me.
But when it comes to meeting the source and writing,
I've found myself to be avoiding what I want most
(I'm learning to not "want", rather to know that I have
and I am
but it's so hard to not say it)
is to communicate with you inwardly and consciously.
Every time I think of trying it I freeze, fall asleep or find something
else, an excuse, to not try.
"This is very good to be aware
that although you 'want' something,
you're also resisting having it.
The irony here is
that we have been communicating inwardly,
but it has not been in the way you have imagined it would be."
Last night I realized that I have been putting
it off
because I'm so afraid that I will not hear you,
or that I will hear you.
I feel like I'm coming to a crossroads which will change my life
dramatically.
Why am I so afraid to receive you in my life?
This is what I have asked for all my life.
I feel like once I communicate directly with you
I will see so clearly, I will be unable to be with my family and
friends.
I don't know anyone actively moving towards you.
I know my 2 year old will stick with me
but I find people to be so reluctant to see who we really are
(like myself at the edge of this precipice).
"Well it's no wonder that you would fear channeling,
if it's almost an issue of life and death.
It's not only receiving me that you fear,
it's also yourself and who you'll become
if we are in close, daily inner communication.
Trust me here,
I will not tell you
that you have to pick up and leave your life and go wandering in
the desert.
And it's very good awareness to realize
that you're projecting your own reluctance
onto others now.
When you're through this hurdle will you be projecting your own
willingness as easily?
I know that I am a healer
that I am here to remind people of who we are,
but the responsibility of it scares me and excites me at the same
time.
I feel like there is a war going on inside me.
I've realized I've known why I am here for at least 2 years
but I have done nothing to move into it. I'm frozen here.
Please help me.
I love you
and I'm so happy to feel the Mother and you in my life.
"And I am happy that you are also feeling
one of the most denied parts of the Mother.
Part of what is happening in you now
is a reenactment of the Mother's fear of opening to me.
What if you open and I don't come?
What if you open and I come bearing more bad news, pain and suffering?
This fear you're experiencing is a reflection of the stark terror
of the Mother
cowering under the wrath of a vengeful spirit that she's afraid
is God."
"The healing class is
aimed toward the spirit in you
who wants to align with me.
When you and I are aligned in Spirit,
then your Desire, the magnetic essence
which is still holding all of this terror and fear
will find in you an open and accepting spirit
who is willing to follow her lead
in helping her move and release the held charge.
"When that movement begins,
my Light will come flooding in to join your spirit,
and together we'll be drawn through your Desire to the Mother.
We can do all of this together
before we have any written communication, if you like.
The exercise of true sacrifice is a
good metaphor
for how you and I can get started with the Spirit side of the healing
work.
In the meantime, come visit anytime you like.
pp34
I'm the easy-going,
non-pushy impulse and voice inside of you
that keeps reminding you of your purpose and your greatness,
and of how much you are loved."
Sometimes writing is too slow
for me.
These channeling exercises are very profound for
me
in helping me to open to and experience more consciously the Loving
Light of God.
What feels to me like the greatest gift of this work
is experiencing this loving presence in me
in places it feels like have never known such love.
Often this makes me cry in a sad - joy gratitude about being
saved at last.
Often these feeling experiences of sensing love
presence with me in these needy-scared-hurt places
seems more appropriate than just focusing on the channeled words,
although I must say that the focused intention to have this channel
is what made this healing possible.
So I go in and out or back and forth between receiving this light
and responding emotionally to it.
I sense I am building some vital bridge within myself.
You say, God,
that in these exercises I am interpreting your energetic presence
with my imagination.
I sense your loving presence is inspiring and drawing out my own
loving spirit.
Experiencing this love as my own
has felt like a grace-filled reunion with my long lost self.
In this I feel to be finally actualizing my ancient desire to BE
LOVE FULLY
rather than just have it be something outside myself,
You
or another
or some denied part of myself,
which determines whether I am worthy of this love or not.
At these moments of union
I truly feel to be born again into myself as New Heart in Body.
And to hear You say I am the finest creation in all the universes,
the manifestation of other creations' evolutions,
well this just seems right when I am experiencing myself in healed
wholeness.
I definitely want to stick around to co-create it getting better
and better.
As valuable and important as this written channeling
work is,
and really I have just started it,
it just feels more appropriate for me at times
to continue the conversations and interpretations within and not
write them down.
Often the writing feels too slow of an exchange for me,
although at other times I sense it is good for me to slow down
to focus more directly
and ground into the essence of it.
"Of course it's best for you to do it the way
you're moved to at the time.
The writing is good because it grounds and anchors the information,
and gives you something to come back to
if you get stuck in another state
and are temporarily unable to access our connection.
However it works out that we can relate is fine with me.
I'm just tickled that we're communicating consciously."
I sense within myself I am looking here for you
to tell me this is OK...
and immediately I remember to release judging myself as bad
for wanting do what feels right and appropriate for me ~
especially in my relationship with God.
And still I appreciate your support and guidance here.
I am inspired by You,
and grateful you are focusing to meet us will-body polarities
in the middle/center where we need to meet.
I just sensed a deep fear surface in me as write
this,
a deep terror that as good as this is now to be experiencing loving
light ~
at any moment some unforeseen thing or event may rip it all away
from me again.
This is a horrible way to live,
yet I am glad to be conscious of it
because now I feel empowered to heal here.
I see how important it is to redeem my devils that would do this
smacking
and to release to You the asuric essence I am still holding in my
magnetism.
Then my deep-seated terrors can move
and receive lovingness and acceptance
rather than the death creating denials I have been subjecting myself
to.
One other thing ~
at the end of my energy and channeling exercises
I ask to have this connection and communication continue within
me throughout the day.
It feels really good knowing love's spirit is here for/as me whenever
I desire it.
I can imagine the life
when my healing evolves to total expressive freedom and spontaneity
infused with lovingness.
Oh the joys of play and magic and discovery and heart-creation!
"Thank you for sharing your experiences with
others, and for singing my praises.
Back in the old days I would have told you that you were a prophet,
and I would have had you out spreading the word of my power and
glory and greatness.
"Today I'll tell you that the terror you mentioned
is real and potent and still magnetizing to you what you are fearing,
and your pain here is a reflection of the Mother's.
"Today I'll tell you that being present with
your magnetic essence
in the ways you are and with the respect you have
is right now the most important work in Creation.
And thank you for sticking around. You're making it better."
Return
to Written
Channeling Excercise
Channeling Class Discussion | Channeling
Class Lesson Two
Channeling
Class Lesson One | Channeling Class
Introduction
Meeting
the Source Exercise | Running Energy
Exercise |
